Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 9, Episode 11 - The Faux Pas - full transcript
The twins' new friend has a janitor for a father. When Ray accidentally says a bad joke in front of the father he tries to cheer him up, but keeps making things worse.
- Hey.
- Hey, how was the game?
lt was good. Yeah.
Knicks finally won.
The twins loved it.
Oh, and their new buddy, Chris there--
he's my new favorite
of their friends. Yeah.
Hello, Chris,
goodbye Spencer.
That's great.
So where are the boys?
They're gonna hitchhike home
from the strip club.
Nah, they took Chris next door.
They're shooting hoops.
Who is this Chris?
Have l met him?
Oh, he's adorable.
His dad works at the school.
Oh, yeah?
What subject does he teach?
He's not a teacher.
Actually, he's the custodian.
Oh, really?
l didn't know that.
- Ah, that's funny.
- Why?
No no. 'Cause, uh...
we were eating peanuts
and l looked down,
and little Chris had
all the shells on his lap.
And l said, ''Hey, Chris,
you can throw those on the floor.
That's what they pay
the janitor for.''
- Oh!
- Oh my God!
- Raymond, how could you?
- What?
Oh my God, Ray,
what are you thinking?
That poor boy
must be devastated.
l think that's sick.
No no. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Everybody calm down.
l didn't devastate anybody.
lt was totally fine.
lt was a joke.
The kid laughed, he--
he threw his shells on the floor.
And then we watched the game
and we all lived happily ever after.
Raymond,
you're a lovely boy,
but this is why sometimes
when you talk,
my heart goes
into my throat.
l agree 100% , Ma,
except for
the ''lovely boy'' part.
l've tried to teach you.
You should know
that words
could hurt people.
That's right, Raymond!
No one's talking
to you, Robert.
You're such a busybody.
l'm telling you
the kid was fine.
Mom's out of her mind.
Yeah, well,
be that as it may,
you've done it again.
My heart goes out
to the boy.
Will you stop it?
l was just being funny.
l beg to differ.
You say things
that nobody likes.
Just like that time
with your parents.
What are you talking about?
Well, remember how you saw
the little Jesus figurine
on their dashboard,
and you said to them,
''l guess this must be a hard car
to make out in''?
Well, l mean...
the guy's looking
right at ya.
Ray, it can't always be
the other person's fault
when they
don't get you.
But this thing with the kid
was funny.
l'm telling you,
he laughed.
Yeah yeah.
You see, if he laughed,
it was the uneasy chuckle
of a terrified
young child...
having to spend
the afternoon
with a very mean
and unfunny man.
l bet when you make out in the car,
that Jesus weeps.
Hi, kids.
Hey, Chris! Hi!
Chris, l want you to meet
to boys' Uncle Robert
and Aunt Amy.
Hi, Chris.
How are you doing, buddy?
Good.
- Let's go upstairs, you guys.
- Yeah.
You guys go have fun.
l mean-- l mean,
go have more fun
'cause we had a lot of fun today,
didn't we, guys?
Obviously traumatized.
Oh. Stop it, huh?
Look at him.
How soon you forget
your own past, Raymond.
How about all the time
we had to laugh at Dad's
horrible puberty jokes?
He had to make jokes.
You went through puberty at six.
You stole that line from Dad!
Come on, Amy,
we're getting the paper
and moving far far away
from jack-ass lane!
l'll still visit.
What?
Don't look at me.
They think you did
something wrong
and they gotta bring Jesus into it.
Right?
Hi, l'm Chris' dad,
George Buckner.
Oh. Oh hey,
l'm Ray.
Hi hi hi.
Come on in.
l know l'm a little early, but l figured
you probably had enough of him.
Oh, never.
He was a pleasure.
- ln fact, we'll keep him.
- Ha ha ha.
Okay, but no
givesies-backsies.
- Hey, how was the game?
- Oh, they had a blast. Yeah.
lt was a real treat for Chris.
This was his first Knicks game.
- Yeah. Well, good.
- Mmm.
Ray, why don't you go up and
tell Chris his dad is here?
Can l get you something?
No, l'll get him
something to drink.
You can go upstairs.
Go ahead. lt's okay.
l can do things.
Yeah. Come on.
Come on in.
Hey. Can l give you
something for today?
Oh, no no.
l get the tickets for free.
Oh, it's okay, but l've been to
the movies with him--
he can eat forty bucks
worth of candy.
Oh, well, consider
his stomachache my gift.
That's funny.
Yeah, funny, right?
Yeah yeah.
- You know what else is funny?
- No.
You know, uh uh--
at one point,
Chris started eating peanuts,
and l looked down,
and he's not throwing
the shells away.
He's got all of them
on his lap.
So l say to him, ''Hey, Chris, you can
throw those on the floor.
That's what they pay
the janitor for.''
Ha ha! Yeah yeah.
And then he laughed.
He kinda laughed hard.
And then he took
his shells
and he put them on
the floor real gently.
So l guess you got him trained
really good at home.
Uh, it was just kind of a...
a-- a simple remark,
you know?
A ''hey-throw-your-nuts-
on-the-floor-ha-ha'' remark.
Yeah... yeah.
lt was funny.
lt was funny.
He's funny-- Chris.
You know, he's my favorite friend
of the kids'.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
You know what else is funny?
l didn't know--
l didn't know that
that was your...
that-- that-- that's your...
craft.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, buddy. Let's go.
Listen, Chris.
lt was great having you.
We'll have to do it
again sometime.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
That's a polite kid.
Yeah yeah.
Any time, Chris.
Take it easy.
Yeah. And it was
nice meeting you...
mister!
l'll see ya, Chris!
You're my new favorite friend
of the kids'!
Next time before
l take a kid to a game,
would it kill you
to tell me
what his father does
for a living?
What did you do?
Either l'm not telling
that Chris story perfectly,
or-- or his father's
a little sensitive.
You told him
what you said?!
Why the hell
would you do that?!
To show-- to show you
that it's just a funny story
and that anybody
would be fine with it.
And is he fine with it?
l'm not always right!
Ray, l was worried
that Chris would tell him.
l never thought that you'd go
and commit hara-kiri.
Well, l didn't mean
anything by it.
He's sensitive. You'd think a janitor
would be tougher.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Stop saying that!
You have to realize
you said a horrible thing,
and you are not
a funny person.
l know!
Good. Good.
When you take the kids
to school tomorrow,
you'll go down
to that furnace room
and apologize
to Chris' dad.
All right.
Hi!
l think Chris left
his retainer here.
l'm sure it's upstairs.
Go on up, Chris.
Come on in. Come.
Come in.
Can l-- can l get you
something?
Maybe, uh, some ginger ale
or pretzels?
No, thanks.
Listen, l hope you didn't
get upset or...
or... or angry about the thing
l said before,
about the thing l said--
at the game?
Let's just forget it.
'Cause he would never
say anything
to hurt yours or Chris'
or anybody's feelings.
Hey, l'm doing it!
lt's okay.
No, it's not okay.
lt's not.
Come here, please.
Just sit down for one minute.
One minute, please.
Go ahead.
Just-- just
sit down, please.
Please please please.
You know...
you know what happened?
l-- l wasn't thinking.
So-- so l'm sorry
that l was a little insensitive.
l think maybe l said what l said
because l'm not a janitor.
Well, actually, now that you mention it,
we prefer the term custodian.
Custodian. Right.
Custodian.
l meant custodian.
l always say custodian.
l've said custodian!
lt-- it's okay, really.
l-- l'd better get going.
No no. Now l feel like you feel
like you have to go,
but, please--
l'm not like that.
- l know.
- No no. Please, wait.
Ray, let him go.
l'm sorry, George.
Hey, don't apologize
for me!
Hey, can l use your phone to call
real estate agents?
Yeah, sure.
Every time l try to call them
from over there,
l hear Ma breathing
on the upstairs line.
Hey, Robert, you remember the twins'
wonderful friend Chris?
This is his wonderful dad,
George.
Oh...
l think Chris is wonderful--
a splendid lad.
He's my brother
Robert.
Yeah. He's a cop.
He's a cop,
just a regular cop--
working Joe--
my brother.
You ready, Chris?
You got your retainer?
Not yet. We're gonna
go play on the computer.
Yeah, but we
really have to--
great.
Let him stay. They should stay.
They're having a fantastic time.
ln fact, this is better
'cause you guys can just sit down
and get to know
each other better.
Yeah yeah. Just sit.
Sit sit sit.
Sit. Sit.
Sit.
Sit... down.
Down.
What are you doing?
No, they have a lot
in common, these guys.
- We do?
- Sure. Sure.
l just think it's so interesting,
you know?
One of you
keeps the schools clean,
and one of you
keeps the streets clean.
You know?
Metaphorically.
But the main thing is,
should one of you
start to slack off--
wow!
There's a mess.
Ray, what are you doing?
l'm talking to the backbone
of America.
You have to stop.
George, Ray is sorry
for his faux pas,
and l'm sorry
for all of this.
''Faux pas! Faux pas!''
You're so much
better than me, right?
This is not about me.
l know.
So stay out of it.
l don't go apologizing for you
when you do one of your faux pas.
You know what?
Next time l make a faux pas like you,
- please say something!
- l will, l will.
Chris!
Go get your retainer.
You gotta stop taking it out!
Robert, put that phone down.
Oh, hello.
Uh, Marie, this is
our friend George--
Chris' dad.
- This is Ray's mom Marie.
- Hi.
Wait. You're the janitor?
Custodian,
custodian.
Oh. 'Cause
l thought--
Marie, what's the story
with the cannelloni?
lt's ready.
Let's go.
Who's this?
This is Chris' dad
George.
The janitor?
Marie, you said
he was black.
- Ah!
- Oh!
- No, l didn't!
- What are you talking about?
- You said--
- No, l said he was African-American!
- Ah.
- Oh-hh.
Okay.
What are you arguing for?
l apologize, George.
lt's just, well--
well, l--
you know, l think
it's wonderful
that anyone can be
a janitor now.
George, please...
No, it's okay.
l-- l really have to go.
l want to assure you that Marie
does not speak for all of us.
She just speaks more
than all of us.
Who are you to talk?
You came in saying ''black''!
Oh my God!
George, listen, l--
you don't know what
it's like to live with this man.
l mean, he-- he's a constant
embarrassment.
l'm just waiting
for a retainer.
What about the time you worked
for Pelk Accounting?
Oh, yeah, that was funny.
l walk into work one morning
and there's this huge lady
sitting at one of the other guy's desks,
working the phones.
So l go over to lrv Lebrotte
and l say,
''Hey, who's that big, fat moose
over there?''
He smiles at me and says,
''That's my mom.''
Oh my God, Frank,
what did you say?
Well, l was pretty quick
on my feet back then,
so l said, uh,
''What do you feed her?''
And l walked away.
You're unbelievable,
Frank.
Whenever l take him anywhere,
l wanna give out cards
that say ''l'm sorry''
on them.
My cards say
''Wife for sale.''
The phone ain't ringing.
Will you two stop? This is why everybody
thinks our family is crazy.
lt's because of you two
and Raymond.
How dare you,
talking about our family
in front of company?
l apologize for my son.
Don't apologize for me.
You came in here with
the biggest faux pas ever,
not me!
Oh, yeah?
How about the time you arrested the guy
for flashing
gang signs, huh?
And you started
reading him his rights,
but he just kept
flashing gang signs,
making you madder
and madder.
He wasn't breaking the law,
was he, Robert?
No.
What was he doing?
He was being deaf.
Holy crap.
Fee-fi-faux-pas!
Oh, God,
l still remember.
l'm so so...
sorry.
Yeah...
that's worse than what l did,
right, George?
No, it is not worse because at least
he apologized
and then left it at that.
You're going on to make this even
more humiliating by what you're doing.
Why? What? What am l doing?
What? George, what?
You say that horrible thing
to poor little Chris,
and then you go and say the exact
same thing to the man himself!
And then you invite
your whole family in,
the flying faux pas...
who treat him to an afternoon
of insults.
All right.
All right, all right.
l'm sorry.
George, l said something stupid,
and l'm sorry. l am.
l'm very very sorry.
Hey, it's okay, man.
Let's-- let's really
just forget about it.
Please?
Thank you, George.
Ray, go upstairs
and help Chris find his retainer
so George can
get out of here.
Okay.
But l've been thinking
of something, though.
No. No no no.
Because maybe, yes,
it-- it seems l was
a little insensitive.
But, actually, that thing
at the game today--
''Hey, you can throw
your shells on the floor.
That's what they pay
the janitor for.''
l was just stating
a fact, right?
l mean, it's true,
isn't it?
lt's like this-- l'm a sportswriter,
right?
So the next time
you're cleaning up something
and your kids
are with you,
and a sporting event
goes by,
and one of your kids says,
''Hey, l should write about that.''
Then you can say,
''No, you don't have to.
That's what they pay
the sportswriter for.''
You see?
lt's the same thing--
sportswriter,
janitor...
custodian.
l'm very sorry!
Chris!
l can't find it.
lt's all right, your teeth
are straight enough.
l hope you're all happy.
Listen, George,
George...
l want to apologize
to you and your family.
And l just hope that the children
can still be friends
because that's
the most important thing,
even if the parents
can't figure out how to get along.
You're right.
Thank you.
Great great.
l just want my kids to be friends
with everybody.
l mean, who knows?
Tomorrow they might come home
with some boy whose dad
works in a sewer.
No-- l-- uh...
l didn't--
l'm sorry.
Debra!
l found it-- it was
in the fish tank.
Oh. Put it in
and let's go.
Thanks again
for the ballgame.
Okay. Thank you.
Well, we're never
gonna see them again.
No, l think
he'll be back.
He forgot his keys.
l just feel horrible...
for a custodian
to see all this mess.
l think
l'll straighten up.
Hey.
Chris and his dad
are outside
and he asked me to get
his keys for him.
lt seemed like he didn't want
to come back inside.
l don't blame him.
lt was kind of a nightmare.
Oh, yeah?
Did your mother come over
and make things worse as usual?
- Hey, how was the game?
lt was good. Yeah.
Knicks finally won.
The twins loved it.
Oh, and their new buddy, Chris there--
he's my new favorite
of their friends. Yeah.
Hello, Chris,
goodbye Spencer.
That's great.
So where are the boys?
They're gonna hitchhike home
from the strip club.
Nah, they took Chris next door.
They're shooting hoops.
Who is this Chris?
Have l met him?
Oh, he's adorable.
His dad works at the school.
Oh, yeah?
What subject does he teach?
He's not a teacher.
Actually, he's the custodian.
Oh, really?
l didn't know that.
- Ah, that's funny.
- Why?
No no. 'Cause, uh...
we were eating peanuts
and l looked down,
and little Chris had
all the shells on his lap.
And l said, ''Hey, Chris,
you can throw those on the floor.
That's what they pay
the janitor for.''
- Oh!
- Oh my God!
- Raymond, how could you?
- What?
Oh my God, Ray,
what are you thinking?
That poor boy
must be devastated.
l think that's sick.
No no. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Everybody calm down.
l didn't devastate anybody.
lt was totally fine.
lt was a joke.
The kid laughed, he--
he threw his shells on the floor.
And then we watched the game
and we all lived happily ever after.
Raymond,
you're a lovely boy,
but this is why sometimes
when you talk,
my heart goes
into my throat.
l agree 100% , Ma,
except for
the ''lovely boy'' part.
l've tried to teach you.
You should know
that words
could hurt people.
That's right, Raymond!
No one's talking
to you, Robert.
You're such a busybody.
l'm telling you
the kid was fine.
Mom's out of her mind.
Yeah, well,
be that as it may,
you've done it again.
My heart goes out
to the boy.
Will you stop it?
l was just being funny.
l beg to differ.
You say things
that nobody likes.
Just like that time
with your parents.
What are you talking about?
Well, remember how you saw
the little Jesus figurine
on their dashboard,
and you said to them,
''l guess this must be a hard car
to make out in''?
Well, l mean...
the guy's looking
right at ya.
Ray, it can't always be
the other person's fault
when they
don't get you.
But this thing with the kid
was funny.
l'm telling you,
he laughed.
Yeah yeah.
You see, if he laughed,
it was the uneasy chuckle
of a terrified
young child...
having to spend
the afternoon
with a very mean
and unfunny man.
l bet when you make out in the car,
that Jesus weeps.
Hi, kids.
Hey, Chris! Hi!
Chris, l want you to meet
to boys' Uncle Robert
and Aunt Amy.
Hi, Chris.
How are you doing, buddy?
Good.
- Let's go upstairs, you guys.
- Yeah.
You guys go have fun.
l mean-- l mean,
go have more fun
'cause we had a lot of fun today,
didn't we, guys?
Obviously traumatized.
Oh. Stop it, huh?
Look at him.
How soon you forget
your own past, Raymond.
How about all the time
we had to laugh at Dad's
horrible puberty jokes?
He had to make jokes.
You went through puberty at six.
You stole that line from Dad!
Come on, Amy,
we're getting the paper
and moving far far away
from jack-ass lane!
l'll still visit.
What?
Don't look at me.
They think you did
something wrong
and they gotta bring Jesus into it.
Right?
Hi, l'm Chris' dad,
George Buckner.
Oh. Oh hey,
l'm Ray.
Hi hi hi.
Come on in.
l know l'm a little early, but l figured
you probably had enough of him.
Oh, never.
He was a pleasure.
- ln fact, we'll keep him.
- Ha ha ha.
Okay, but no
givesies-backsies.
- Hey, how was the game?
- Oh, they had a blast. Yeah.
lt was a real treat for Chris.
This was his first Knicks game.
- Yeah. Well, good.
- Mmm.
Ray, why don't you go up and
tell Chris his dad is here?
Can l get you something?
No, l'll get him
something to drink.
You can go upstairs.
Go ahead. lt's okay.
l can do things.
Yeah. Come on.
Come on in.
Hey. Can l give you
something for today?
Oh, no no.
l get the tickets for free.
Oh, it's okay, but l've been to
the movies with him--
he can eat forty bucks
worth of candy.
Oh, well, consider
his stomachache my gift.
That's funny.
Yeah, funny, right?
Yeah yeah.
- You know what else is funny?
- No.
You know, uh uh--
at one point,
Chris started eating peanuts,
and l looked down,
and he's not throwing
the shells away.
He's got all of them
on his lap.
So l say to him, ''Hey, Chris, you can
throw those on the floor.
That's what they pay
the janitor for.''
Ha ha! Yeah yeah.
And then he laughed.
He kinda laughed hard.
And then he took
his shells
and he put them on
the floor real gently.
So l guess you got him trained
really good at home.
Uh, it was just kind of a...
a-- a simple remark,
you know?
A ''hey-throw-your-nuts-
on-the-floor-ha-ha'' remark.
Yeah... yeah.
lt was funny.
lt was funny.
He's funny-- Chris.
You know, he's my favorite friend
of the kids'.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
You know what else is funny?
l didn't know--
l didn't know that
that was your...
that-- that-- that's your...
craft.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, buddy. Let's go.
Listen, Chris.
lt was great having you.
We'll have to do it
again sometime.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
That's a polite kid.
Yeah yeah.
Any time, Chris.
Take it easy.
Yeah. And it was
nice meeting you...
mister!
l'll see ya, Chris!
You're my new favorite friend
of the kids'!
Next time before
l take a kid to a game,
would it kill you
to tell me
what his father does
for a living?
What did you do?
Either l'm not telling
that Chris story perfectly,
or-- or his father's
a little sensitive.
You told him
what you said?!
Why the hell
would you do that?!
To show-- to show you
that it's just a funny story
and that anybody
would be fine with it.
And is he fine with it?
l'm not always right!
Ray, l was worried
that Chris would tell him.
l never thought that you'd go
and commit hara-kiri.
Well, l didn't mean
anything by it.
He's sensitive. You'd think a janitor
would be tougher.
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Stop saying that!
You have to realize
you said a horrible thing,
and you are not
a funny person.
l know!
Good. Good.
When you take the kids
to school tomorrow,
you'll go down
to that furnace room
and apologize
to Chris' dad.
All right.
Hi!
l think Chris left
his retainer here.
l'm sure it's upstairs.
Go on up, Chris.
Come on in. Come.
Come in.
Can l-- can l get you
something?
Maybe, uh, some ginger ale
or pretzels?
No, thanks.
Listen, l hope you didn't
get upset or...
or... or angry about the thing
l said before,
about the thing l said--
at the game?
Let's just forget it.
'Cause he would never
say anything
to hurt yours or Chris'
or anybody's feelings.
Hey, l'm doing it!
lt's okay.
No, it's not okay.
lt's not.
Come here, please.
Just sit down for one minute.
One minute, please.
Go ahead.
Just-- just
sit down, please.
Please please please.
You know...
you know what happened?
l-- l wasn't thinking.
So-- so l'm sorry
that l was a little insensitive.
l think maybe l said what l said
because l'm not a janitor.
Well, actually, now that you mention it,
we prefer the term custodian.
Custodian. Right.
Custodian.
l meant custodian.
l always say custodian.
l've said custodian!
lt-- it's okay, really.
l-- l'd better get going.
No no. Now l feel like you feel
like you have to go,
but, please--
l'm not like that.
- l know.
- No no. Please, wait.
Ray, let him go.
l'm sorry, George.
Hey, don't apologize
for me!
Hey, can l use your phone to call
real estate agents?
Yeah, sure.
Every time l try to call them
from over there,
l hear Ma breathing
on the upstairs line.
Hey, Robert, you remember the twins'
wonderful friend Chris?
This is his wonderful dad,
George.
Oh...
l think Chris is wonderful--
a splendid lad.
He's my brother
Robert.
Yeah. He's a cop.
He's a cop,
just a regular cop--
working Joe--
my brother.
You ready, Chris?
You got your retainer?
Not yet. We're gonna
go play on the computer.
Yeah, but we
really have to--
great.
Let him stay. They should stay.
They're having a fantastic time.
ln fact, this is better
'cause you guys can just sit down
and get to know
each other better.
Yeah yeah. Just sit.
Sit sit sit.
Sit. Sit.
Sit.
Sit... down.
Down.
What are you doing?
No, they have a lot
in common, these guys.
- We do?
- Sure. Sure.
l just think it's so interesting,
you know?
One of you
keeps the schools clean,
and one of you
keeps the streets clean.
You know?
Metaphorically.
But the main thing is,
should one of you
start to slack off--
wow!
There's a mess.
Ray, what are you doing?
l'm talking to the backbone
of America.
You have to stop.
George, Ray is sorry
for his faux pas,
and l'm sorry
for all of this.
''Faux pas! Faux pas!''
You're so much
better than me, right?
This is not about me.
l know.
So stay out of it.
l don't go apologizing for you
when you do one of your faux pas.
You know what?
Next time l make a faux pas like you,
- please say something!
- l will, l will.
Chris!
Go get your retainer.
You gotta stop taking it out!
Robert, put that phone down.
Oh, hello.
Uh, Marie, this is
our friend George--
Chris' dad.
- This is Ray's mom Marie.
- Hi.
Wait. You're the janitor?
Custodian,
custodian.
Oh. 'Cause
l thought--
Marie, what's the story
with the cannelloni?
lt's ready.
Let's go.
Who's this?
This is Chris' dad
George.
The janitor?
Marie, you said
he was black.
- Ah!
- Oh!
- No, l didn't!
- What are you talking about?
- You said--
- No, l said he was African-American!
- Ah.
- Oh-hh.
Okay.
What are you arguing for?
l apologize, George.
lt's just, well--
well, l--
you know, l think
it's wonderful
that anyone can be
a janitor now.
George, please...
No, it's okay.
l-- l really have to go.
l want to assure you that Marie
does not speak for all of us.
She just speaks more
than all of us.
Who are you to talk?
You came in saying ''black''!
Oh my God!
George, listen, l--
you don't know what
it's like to live with this man.
l mean, he-- he's a constant
embarrassment.
l'm just waiting
for a retainer.
What about the time you worked
for Pelk Accounting?
Oh, yeah, that was funny.
l walk into work one morning
and there's this huge lady
sitting at one of the other guy's desks,
working the phones.
So l go over to lrv Lebrotte
and l say,
''Hey, who's that big, fat moose
over there?''
He smiles at me and says,
''That's my mom.''
Oh my God, Frank,
what did you say?
Well, l was pretty quick
on my feet back then,
so l said, uh,
''What do you feed her?''
And l walked away.
You're unbelievable,
Frank.
Whenever l take him anywhere,
l wanna give out cards
that say ''l'm sorry''
on them.
My cards say
''Wife for sale.''
The phone ain't ringing.
Will you two stop? This is why everybody
thinks our family is crazy.
lt's because of you two
and Raymond.
How dare you,
talking about our family
in front of company?
l apologize for my son.
Don't apologize for me.
You came in here with
the biggest faux pas ever,
not me!
Oh, yeah?
How about the time you arrested the guy
for flashing
gang signs, huh?
And you started
reading him his rights,
but he just kept
flashing gang signs,
making you madder
and madder.
He wasn't breaking the law,
was he, Robert?
No.
What was he doing?
He was being deaf.
Holy crap.
Fee-fi-faux-pas!
Oh, God,
l still remember.
l'm so so...
sorry.
Yeah...
that's worse than what l did,
right, George?
No, it is not worse because at least
he apologized
and then left it at that.
You're going on to make this even
more humiliating by what you're doing.
Why? What? What am l doing?
What? George, what?
You say that horrible thing
to poor little Chris,
and then you go and say the exact
same thing to the man himself!
And then you invite
your whole family in,
the flying faux pas...
who treat him to an afternoon
of insults.
All right.
All right, all right.
l'm sorry.
George, l said something stupid,
and l'm sorry. l am.
l'm very very sorry.
Hey, it's okay, man.
Let's-- let's really
just forget about it.
Please?
Thank you, George.
Ray, go upstairs
and help Chris find his retainer
so George can
get out of here.
Okay.
But l've been thinking
of something, though.
No. No no no.
Because maybe, yes,
it-- it seems l was
a little insensitive.
But, actually, that thing
at the game today--
''Hey, you can throw
your shells on the floor.
That's what they pay
the janitor for.''
l was just stating
a fact, right?
l mean, it's true,
isn't it?
lt's like this-- l'm a sportswriter,
right?
So the next time
you're cleaning up something
and your kids
are with you,
and a sporting event
goes by,
and one of your kids says,
''Hey, l should write about that.''
Then you can say,
''No, you don't have to.
That's what they pay
the sportswriter for.''
You see?
lt's the same thing--
sportswriter,
janitor...
custodian.
l'm very sorry!
Chris!
l can't find it.
lt's all right, your teeth
are straight enough.
l hope you're all happy.
Listen, George,
George...
l want to apologize
to you and your family.
And l just hope that the children
can still be friends
because that's
the most important thing,
even if the parents
can't figure out how to get along.
You're right.
Thank you.
Great great.
l just want my kids to be friends
with everybody.
l mean, who knows?
Tomorrow they might come home
with some boy whose dad
works in a sewer.
No-- l-- uh...
l didn't--
l'm sorry.
Debra!
l found it-- it was
in the fish tank.
Oh. Put it in
and let's go.
Thanks again
for the ballgame.
Okay. Thank you.
Well, we're never
gonna see them again.
No, l think
he'll be back.
He forgot his keys.
l just feel horrible...
for a custodian
to see all this mess.
l think
l'll straighten up.
Hey.
Chris and his dad
are outside
and he asked me to get
his keys for him.
lt seemed like he didn't want
to come back inside.
l don't blame him.
lt was kind of a nightmare.
Oh, yeah?
Did your mother come over
and make things worse as usual?