Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 9, Episode 10 - Favors - full transcript

-Hey, Pistol Pete.
- Hey.

Look. I'm wearing the birthday necklace
you gave me.

I've been getting
compliments all week.

See? Once in a while
I can fancypants it.

- You seen my "Sports lllustrated"?
- Nope.

Are you sure? 'Cause I left it here
a couple days ago.

I don't know,
but we have to eat,

and there's always piles
of everything everywhere.

Oh. You threw it out,
didn't you?

I'm just saying
if it was there for days

and it didn't get put away,
then yeah,



there's a chance
it got thrown out.

Okay, look,
here's the rule:

Don't touch my stuff.

No no. Here's the rule:
Put your stuff away.

You-- you just-- you love throwing
my stuff out.

You'd be happy if the mailman
delivered my magazine

right into the garbage.

You got me there.

Look, come on.
This is my house too.

If I put something there,

I should be able to get to it
when I get to it.

You know I'm a slow reader.

Look, there's a very
simple solution to this--

put your stuff away.



No. No.

Don't touch my stuff.

Put it away.

Don't touch it.

- Put it--
- Don't!

I will not touch it

if you put it away.

I will put it away

when you're done
not touching it.

Genius.

Yeah. That's right.

I'm going to the bathroom.

Or did you throw
that out too?

Hey, just the man
I was looking for.

Where were you?
We got tee time in 30 minutes.

Relax your undies.

I want to show you
something before we go.

Whaddaya got, the rash
that looks like a bunny again?

Actually, yes.

But I thought you might
rather look at this.

- What?
- Remember when you wrote that article

about how Muhammad Ali
was your first sports hero?

- Yeah.
- Might want to read that.

"Dear Ray,
your brother sent me

your excellent article.

I enjoyed it very much,

even though nothing rhymed.

Keep dancing,
Muhammad Ali."

All right, come on.
We're late for golf.

Wait. Wait wait.

What--

What is this?
Muhammad Ali--

How did you get this?

Okay. Listen...

my partner and l,
we went on this call, right?

And there was this nutjob lady
who was bothering Ali.

She thinks she's Joe Frazier
and Ali is trying to,

you know, duck her.

Anyway, she's now the
heavyweight champ of Bellevue.

So I end up talking
to Ali's manager,

and I sent him your article,
and he sent this back.

My God, Robert.

You're welcome.

I'm gonna frame this.

I'm gonna redesign
the house around this.

I'm glad you like it.
Come on.

Gianni and Andy
are waiting for us.

It's time for me
to beat you at golf.

You know what?
Today I'm gonna let you.

Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

All right, good.
Let's go.

Oh, and uh, thanks, man.
You're a good brother.

Great brother.

The greatest of all time.

No no no, Amy,
listen, listen.

If you want to get a facial
with the nails,

I have this great place.

Yes, I have a card for it
here somewhere. Hold on.

'Cause the last thing you want
is a bad facial.

I mean, it's your face,
for God's sake.

Ugh.

No, it's just this drawer
is always messy.

There's just so much junk
in this house.

Here it is. I got it.
Yeah. All right.

The name of the place
is "Put on a Happy Face."

Now-- now--

Yeah. These people
are so great.

You're just gonna love them.
And you know what?

While you're there,
why don't you get a pedicure?

Absolutely.
Yes yes yes yes.

You just like...

make it a spa day, yeah.

Can you hang on one second?

I hear the garbage truck.
I just want to catch it.

Yeah. Hold on.

Wait. Excuse me. Wait.

Okay, thank you.

Whoo.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, I just barely
caught him.

The trashman let me throw it
on the garbage truck myself.

No, he does not
have a crush on me.

He only loves me
for my garbage.

Hey, guys.
How was golf?

- It was great.
- Yeah, great.

18 holes of

"Muhammad Ali sent me
a letter.

I love Muhammad Ali
and Muhammad Ali loves me."

I thought the Ali talk
was inspiring.

It made me want
to knock Ray out.

Wow. When did Muhammad Ali
send you a letter?

Today. Robert sent him
the article I wrote,

and Ali liked it so much
that he sent me a letter and--

hey, wait wait wait--
what--

- What's the matter?
- Nothing. Nothing.

- I put it right in here.
- You put the letter in there?

Yeah. I mean,
did somebody go in here?

'Cause it was resting
right on the top.

You put the letter
in there?

Yes. I put it in here.

I remember putting it
right in here.

I mean-- I mean--
what the hell?

There is no letter,
is there, Ray?

Yes. There is.
I put it right here.

You know what might have happened
to your Muhammad Ali letter?

Mickey Mantle came and took it
and got away on Secretariat.

Shut up. Did you see it?

Me? I have not been
in that drawer all week.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.

What do you think,
I threw your letter out?

Just say it. You think I threw
your letter out.

'Cause that's the kind of thing I do,
'cause I'm such a terrible person.

I'm always throwing
all your stuff out.

That's what you
think of me.

Uh-oh, Ray.
Looks like Olga Korbut

came in and drank
all your ginger ale.

Shut up. Come on, get out.

Okay. We'll be
at Marco's.

Yeah, call us when you
find your imaginary letter.

I don't get it,
I don't get it.

What did I do?
I mean, I put it here.

I mean--
what the hell did I do?!

I-is it back in there?

Michael. Geoffrey. Ally.
Come down here.

- They're at school, Ray.
- Oh, right. What the hell?!

You know, I'm--
I'm sure it's gonna show up.

What the hell?
What the hell?

Hello, dear.
How are you?

- I don't know.
- What's wrong?

Ray is gonna kill me.

Oh, dear. I told you--

you know, salt is
just a seasoning.

It can't be
the main ingredient.

No no no, Marie,
it's not that.

Ray got this letter
from Muhammad Ali--

I heard.

You know that Robert's responsible
for the correspondence?

Yes, I know.

He was so excited to do that
for his little brother.

He hasn't talked about anything else.
Isn't that sweet?

You know, Raymond's loved
that Muhammad Ali

ever since I can remember.

- I threw it out.
- What?!

I threw the letter out.

Oh my God, why would you
do such a thing?

I was straightening up.

No, really-- why?

I don't know,
I don't know--

it was like I was
looking for this coupon

and the drawer
was full of junk

and I was distracted
on the phone,

so I emptied it
and I stomped on it

and I threw it on
the garbage truck myself.

Oh, dear.

What was the coupon for?

A facial.

Vanity, vanity, vanity.

It wasn't for me.

- You know, Robert's gonna be upset too.
- I know.

Ma, I'm looking for Robert.
Where's Robert? Robert!

I'm looking for this--
this letter.

It was in a white envelope--

- Ray.
- What?

- There's something I gotta tell you.
- What?

I threw out your
Muhammad Ali letter.

- What?!
- Marie!

I know, Raymond.
I am sorry.

I didn't realize
what I was doing

until Debra said to me
that it was in the drawer and l--

And you threw it out?!

I gotta get to the trash.

The truck came already.

Oh-hh!

Muhammad!

Muhammad!

I know.
I'm sorry.

I mean, there was
so much stuff in the drawer

and I was just
trying to clean up.

And I know
I shouldn't be doing that.

Right, Debra?

Yes.

Yes. How many times
have I told you

we can clean
our house ourselves?

I know, I don't listen.

I guess you don't.

Do you have any idea
what you've done?

Oh, I apologize, Raymond.

It breaks my heart
to hurt you.

And if there's anything--
if there's anything I can...

Oh, no. No, you don't. No.

You don't cry. I cry.

You come uninvited
into my house

and you go
into a private drawer

and you throw out the best thing
that's happened to me in years.

Oh...

It's at the dump, Ma.

It's at the dump!

There we go.

Marie. What--

I don't know what to say.

You don't have to
say anything, dear.

Thank you.

It was nothing.

Who knows? Someday I may
ask you for a favor.

Of course. Of course,
I will do anything.

Good. We have
an understanding.

Let's have some cake.

- Good morning.
- Hey, Marie.

How are things, dear?

Well, better.

It's been a week,

so Ray's not yelling at you
in his sleep anymore.

That's nice.

Listen, I'm sure
you've noticed over the years

that Frank dresses
like a derelict.

Well, I have finally figured out
how to remedy that situation.

Marie!

There he is.
Now, remember I said

someday I might
ask you for a favor?

- Marie!
- That day has come.

Where the hell
are all my clothes?

Debra took them.

Why would you
take my clothes?

I'm really very
upset with you, Debra.

I'm... sorry, Frank.

Where the hell are they?

Well, Debra said
she was gonna have them cleaned.

Why don't you tell him
how you were over at our house

and the boy
came to the door?

A boy came
to the door.

And he said he was
with a new dry-cleaners

and that he was trying
to make some money for college

and Debra decided
to help him out.

He was going door to door?
That doesn't make any sense.

It sounds a little fishy
to me, Debra.

I know,
but it's true.

And you gave him my clothes.
Well, get them back!

I don't know if she can.

Debra, why don't you tell him
what happened when you

called the number
the boy gave you?

Yes, right.
Nobody answered.

Wait a minute, I know what this is.
This is a scam.

That punk kid's out there
selling my stuff.

I'm sure
he'll make a fortune.

What were you thinking?

I don't know.

I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry, Frank.

Sorry's not gonna
keep the snow off my ass.

All right,
don't worry, Frank.

I'll help you
get new clothes.

In fact, I have an outfit that I was
gonna give you to wear for Easter.

I'll let you wear it today.

Well, bring it over here.

I don't want to go back
out there like this.

The mailman already
made a crack about my legs.

Look what you did.

I hate the clothes
she buys me.

I always end up looking
like a dandy or a Frenchman.

I'm so sorry, Frank.
But it could be fun to buy new clothes.

Sometimes it's kind of cool
to change your look.

You hate me, don't you?

All right, Frank, listen.

You've always
been honest with me, so...

- there's something I gotta tell you.
- What?

Marie's the one that
got rid of your clothes.

- What?
- You can't tell her I told you.

I knew it. That story had
Marie's stink all over it.

Why did you cover for her?

She helped me out with something
and I owed her a favor.

Okay, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go strangle a woman
with her own bathrobe.

No no no! No!

You can't strangle her
because then she'll know I told you,

and then she'll tell--
unless you really strangle her.

No-- no no.

So what, I'm just supposed
to put up with her crap?

I'll-- I'll owe you one.

Boy, she must really
have the goods on you, huh?

Okay, here we go.

I'm very upset
with you, Debra.

I'm sorry, Frank.
I'll leave you alone now.

Yes. I can't
look at you anymore.

Oh, jeezaloo.

- Frank, what are you doing?
- Remember how you owe me?

Marie's not in there,
is she?

No, I just dug up
a rosebush.

Why did you do that?

It was in the swing zone
of my hammock.

What do you want me to do?

Take the rap.

Frank, what are you--

- Put these on.
- Wait a minute--

Frank--

Where have you been?
Your dinner's ready.

What's all that?

I was just about to
ask Debra the same thing.

Debra, what have you done?

- What's going on?
- Debra's been up to something,

and l, for one,
don't like the looks of it.

I can't do this.
I can't.

Ray, listen. I should have
told you this when it happened.

I'm the one who threw out
your Muhammad Ali letter.

What?

I threw it out
by accident,

and then I panicked,
and Marie took the blame for me.

And then you buried it?

It was you?

Oh my God,
I'm sorry, Ma.

I've been giving you
the silent treatment all week.

You have?

I-- l--

I'm sorry, Ray.
I don't know what to say.

Well...

I can't believe I let you
make love to me all week.

And then she dug up Marie's nice
rosebush. She's gotta be stopped.

My roses!

Oh, you horrible brute!

It wasn't me,
it was Debra.

Debra, you're on.

Stop it.
Admit it was you.

I'll admit it when you tell me
what you did with my clothes.

- They're gone.
- Where are they?

I dropped them off
at a homeless shelter,

and they're being used
to wash cars.

Marie, I don't understand.

Why would you take the blame
for something that Debra did?

Apparently
for no good reason.

No, I see how
her sick mind works.

She wanted Debra on the hook
so she could get rid of my clothes

and dress me up like
Fruity Pierre.

You happy with yourself? Huh?

Getting into business
with this one?

Oh, you're one
to talk, Raymond.

Debra, that's
a beautiful necklace.

Where did you
get it from, Raymond?

Well--

well, wherever I got it from,
I'm gonna return it,

'cause her beauty
overwhelms it.

All right, what do you say
we get this bush in the ground?

You didn't
buy this necklace?

You had your mother do it?

You couldn't buy me
a birthday gift on your own?

Well, I'm sure he would
have bought it himself

if he had remembered
your birthday.

You still--

you still need your mother
to tell you when my birthday is?

You still need my mother
to cover for you

when you destroy my letters
from Muhammad Ali?

I don't need
your mother.

Who are you kidding?

Anytime you want to
get out of going anywhere,

who tells people
that you have phlebitis?

Wait a minute.

You didn't come
to our rehearsal dinner

because you had phlebitis.

- Marie?
- No no. You dug up my rosebush,

that's the last phlebitis
you get from me.

Wow, Marie. Seems like
you cover for everybody.

That's what a mother does.

Yeah, a mother who wants
to control everybody.

You get something on everybody,
and then you use it.

Yeah.

Is that what
a mother does?

Excuse me.

Did I ask you all to come to me
and ask for these favors?

You come to me because
you know that I can deliver.

Go out on the street and ask for those
favors and see what you get.

And so, yes--

maybe sometimes I ask
for a favor in return,

once in a blue moon.

And you call that controlling?

I call that a family.

A Mafia family.

Is that what you think, Amy?

I'm sorry.

No no no...

maybe you're right.

Maybe it's wrong for me to have
all these secrets.

I mean, the truth is,
it's a burden to hold on

to all these things
that I know about everyone.

Maybe I should just
clear the air right now.

No no. It's okay.
That's all right.

Silly. That's silly.

No no. No.

I thought so.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Frank has some
digging to do.

And I don't want you
to get those new clothes dirty.

It's dark outside, so you
can do it in your underwear.

Wow.

You learned something
tonight, didn't you?

- Yep.
- Don't touch my stuff.

Didn't Marie get his clothes back
from the shelter?

Yeah.

We're all a little nervous.

We're gonna have to
start locking your closet.