Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 7, Episode 16 - Sweet Charity - full transcript
Debra signs up for charity work and signs up Ray for an hour of charity at the hospital. He is reluctant but goes. Turns out the patients enjoy his humor and sports information and he enjoys going. Debra is upset at how often he is gone.
- ROBERT, HONEY, PLEASE HURRY.
FRANK AND MARIE
ARE GONNA BE HERE SOON.
[knock on door]
- HI.
- OH, MOM AND DAD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- HELLO, AMY.
- HI.
HI, HONEY.
HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M FINE.
I JUST--
I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU.
- AMY, IS THIS THE BIGGEST
TOWEL YOU GOT?
BECAUSE I--
- OH!
- I WAS JUST GOING SWIMMING.
- WHAT IS ROBERT DOING HERE?
- THAT'S
GRANDMA TRUDY'S AFGHAN.
- WE'RE EXPECTING
ROBERT'S PARENTS
OVER FOR BRUNCH.
A CASUAL BRUNCH.
- AMY, COULD WE
TALK WITH YOU?
- WHAT IS IT?
- WELL, YOUR BROTHER TOLD US
YOU'RE GOING AHEAD
WITH THE WEDDING
DESPITE OUR OBJECTIONS.
- YOU CAN IMAGINE
HOW THAT MAKES US FEEL.
- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
BUT IF YOU'D
LIKE TO JOIN US,
YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME.
HOW ABOUT SOME COFFEE?
OW!
- AMY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- I REALLY BURNED MYSELF HERE.
- OKAY, COME OVER HERE.
COME ON OVER.
SIT DOWN.
I KNOW WHAT TO DO.
HERE.
- I'LL GET SOME BUTTER.
- ACTUALLY, COLD WATER
IS THE FIRST, BEST TREATMENT.
HUH, OKAY?
FEEL BETTER?
- YEAH, A LITTLE.
- NO, NO, NO, WAIT.
NOT YET.
- THANKS.
- OKAY?
- OH, WATER IS BETTER
THAN BUTTER.
[knock on door]
- HELLO.
- HAIL, CAESAR!
- HEY, BARONES.
GUESS WHO STOPPED BY
AS SORT OF A...
GREAT SURPRISE?
MY PARENTS!
- AMY'S PARENTS?
OH-H-H!
AMY'S PARENTS.
HELLO!
I'M ROBBIE'S MOTHER,
MARIE,
AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND,
FRANK.
- HEY.
- HELLO,
I'M HANK MACDOUGALL,
AND THIS IS MY WIFE,
PAT.
- IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
- OH, US TOO.
WE COULDN'T BE HAPPIER THAT
THESE TWO ARE GETTING MARRIED.
ROBBIE, PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
YOU'RE MAKING EVERYBODY SICK.
OH, PLEASE, SIT DOWN.
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
OH, AMY DEAR, YOU CAN REMOVE
ALL OF YOUR FOOD,
'CAUSE I'VE
MADE SOME THINGS.
- SO, UH...
YOU'RE FROM PENNSYLVANIA, HUH?
- YES, WE ARE.
- WELL, IT JUST
GOES TO SHOW YOU,
EVERYBODY'S
FROM SOMEWHERE.
- OH, IT'S SO WONDERFUL
THAT YOU CAN
JOIN US FOR BRUNCH.
HOMEMADE
BLUEBERRY MUFFINS.
- OH, IT'S NICE OF YOU
TO OFFER, MARIE,
BUT, ACTUALLY,
WE ALREADY ATE BREAKFAST.
- THIS IS BRUNCH.
- ACTUALLY,
I DON'T EAT MUFFINS.
- I'M SORRY?
- IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.
HE'S NEVER HAD ONE.
- YOU'VE NEVER HAD
A BLUEBERRY MUFFIN?
- I'VE NEVER HAD
ANY KIND OF MUFFIN.
- IN YOUR LIFE?
- IT'S JUST NEVER
APPEALED TO ME.
- I'LL TAKE HIS MUFFIN.
- OH, NO.
IT'S NOT POLITE TO EAT
IF OTHER PEOPLE AREN'T.
- DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
HE'S NEVER GONNA EAT.
- FRANK.
- ALL RIGHT, CAN WE AT LEAST
PUT ON THE TELEVISION?
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HANK,
YOU WANT TO FLIP ON THE TUBE?
- WE'RE NOT MUCH
FOR TV.
- ESPECIALLY ON A SUNDAY.
- WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO
ON A SUNDAY?
- WELL, WE KIND OF LIKE
TO KEEP THAT
MOSTLY FOR CHURCH
AND FAMILY.
- OH, HOW...
GREAT.
- BY THE WAY, YOUNG LADY,
DID YOU EVEN GO TO CHURCH
THIS MORNING?
- UH...WE WENT TO CHURCH
LAST WEEK.
THIS SUNDAY, ALL FAMILY.
- GIVE ME A MUFFIN.
- NO, NO, NO.
BE--BEHAVE YOURSELF.
- HAH!
- OH, FRANK, PUT THAT BACK!
PUT THAT BACK, FRANK!
- PUT THE MUFFIN BACK!
[Robert and Marie yelling]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS
YELLING ABOUT?
- LISTEN,
LET'S JUST GO HOME.
- WHAT?
GO HOME?
- YEAH, I REALIZED THE KIDS
ARE AT THE BIRTHDAY PARTY,
AND WE COULD SPEND
SOME TIME ALONE.
- RAY, COME ON.
WE ALREADY HAD SEX THIS WEEK.
- WHOA--WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT.
FIRST OF ALL, THAT WAS
NINE DAYS AGO, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, LISTEN,
AMY'S PARENTS ARE IN THERE.
- AMY'S PARENTS?
REALLY?
OH, I'VE NEVER MET THEM.
THEY MUST'VE CHANGED THEIR MINDS
ABOUT ROBERT,
AND NOW THEY WANT TO
MEET YOUR WHOLE--
OH, MY GOD,
I HAVE TO HELP AMY.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA SAY STUFF
AND GET ALL INVOLVED.
LET'S JUST GO TO THE MALL,
AND YOU CAN BUY STUFF,
AND I'LL WALK BEHIND YOU
AND CALL YOU PRETTY.
- YOUR MOTHER IS IN THERE,
AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT ME
GETTING INVOLVED?
- LET HIM HAVE IT.
- GIVE IT BACK!
- NO, MINE!
- GET YOUR HAND
OUT OF MY PANTS!
- HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?
- WE'RE FINE.
DAD STUFFED A MUFFIN
IN HIS POCKET.
- MARIE.
- OH, FINE, KEEP IT.
IT'S FINE WITH ME.
- HEY!
HEY, HEY.
- ENJOY YOUR CRUMBS.
- WELL, HI.
I'M DEBRA, RAY'S WIFE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- WELL, IT'S NICE
TO MEET YOU TOO.
SO I SEE YOU'RE
GETTING TO KNOW EVERYONE.
- YES, AND AMY, PLEASE KEEP
THAT IN MIND WHEN WE TALK LATER.
EXCUSE ME.
- WAIT, WAIT, PLEASE.
CAN I SAY SOMETHING?
- NO.
NO SAY.
- MR. AND MRS. MACDOUGALL,
I KNOW HOW AWKWARD IT CAN BE
TO COME IN AND MEET NEW PEOPLE,
ESPECIALLY WHEN
THE NEW PEOPLE ARE SO...
DIFFERENT.
BUT I HAVE TO SAY,
13 YEARS AGO...
[whispers]
I FELT THE SAME WAY.
BUT AFTER A WHILE,
I GREW TO LOVE ALL THE BARONES
LIKE MY OWN FAMILY,
SO JUST GIVE IT SOME TIME.
13 YEARS.
- DEBRA, I THINK
YOU'RE RIGHT.
OUR FAMILIES
ARE DIFFERENT.
- THAT'S TRUE.
I'M NOT SURE OUR VALUES
ARE QUITE THE SAME
AS YOUR VALUES.
- IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
WE'RE JUST NOT THE TYPE
OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD EVER BE...
WITH YOU.
- IT'S GOING GOOD.
- NOW I WOULD LIKE
TO SAY SOMETHING.
- MA, SIT DOWN.
- I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT.
NOW, I'VE HEARD
WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY,
AND FORGIVE ME,
BUT I TAKE UMBRAGE.
I TAKE SEVERE UMBRAGE.
- ME TOO!
UMBRAGE!
- YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT UMBRAGE MEANS.
- SHUT UP!
- OH, MY.
- MOM, DAD,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GO.
- AMY, I DON'T APPRECIATE
YOUR TONE.
- WELL, I DON'T APPRECIATE
YOU COMING HERE
TO TALK ME OUT OF MARRYING
THE MAN I LOVE.
- ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
IT'S OKAY, AMY.
OKAY, IT'S MY PARENTS.
THEY'RE SCREWING EVERYTHING UP.
IT'S WHAT THEY DO.
- WHAT DO WE DO?
- WHAT DO YOU DO?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU WERE SMASHING
DAD'S PANTS MUFFIN!
- ROBERT, THEY'RE FINE!
IT'S MY PARENTS.
THEY STAND THERE
AND PASS JUDGMENT
AND TRY TO MAKE EVERYONE
ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES.
- AMY, PLEASE, I THINK YOU'RE
GETTING A LITTLE WOUND UP.
- I AGREE, SWEETIE.
THIS COULD POSSIBLY BE
BECAUSE YOU MISSED CHURCH TODAY.
- MOTHER, I DID NOT
MISS CHURCH TODAY.
I CHOSE NOT TO GO.
- OH...
- YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE ROBERT AND I
WANTED TO SLEEP IN.
DON'T SAY "OH" YET.
HE SLEEPS OVER MANY NIGHTS.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE DECIDED
THAT IT'S NOT A SIN.
- NOW CAN I SAY "OH"?
- [clears throat] MAY I SAY
THAT WHEN I COME OVER,
I NEVER SLEEP.
NO, NO, NO.
NO, I'M ALWAYS SLEEPING
IS WHAT I AM.
I'M OUT!
WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM
THAT I SLEEP OVER?
- WHAT, YOU'RE TAKING
THEIR SIDE?
- I'M NOT TAKING ANYBODY'S SIDE.
I'M JUST SAYING
THAT YOU SHOULD RELAX!
- DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX!
YOU RELAX!
[knock on door]
- MAMA, WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?
I'VE BEEN SITTING IN THE VAN.
SO WHAT'S THE STORY?
ARE WE BRINGING AMY BACK
TO PENNSYLVANIA, OR WHAT?
- AMY...
[door slams]
- HEY, RAY.
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
- SO WHAT HAPPENED?
- OH, PETER, IT'S AWFUL.
YOUR SISTER'S
BEEN RAISING HER VOICE
AND USING SALTY LANGUAGE.
- WELL, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.
YOU MOVE TO THE CITY,
FALL IN WITH THE WRONG CROWD.
- YOU HEAR THAT, FRANK?
WE'RE THE WRONG CROWD.
- AT LEAST WE'RE NOT LIARS.
- EXCUSE ME?
- EVERYBODY'S HAD A MUFFIN.
YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP.
- THAT'S IT.
LET'S GO, MOTHER.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT AMY?
- WE'LL COME BACK
AND TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER
ONCE THEY'RE GONE--
COME ALONG.
- LISTEN, I KNOW THAT THINGS
HAVE NOT BEEN PERFECT SO FAR.
- SERIOUSLY, DEBRA,
PUNCH OUT FOR THE DAY.
- BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS,
WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE.
WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WORK OUT
ANY DIFFERENCES THAT WE HAVE.
- I THINK HANK AND I REALLY NEED
TO PRAY ON ALL OF THAT.
- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHY DON'T WE PRAY TOGETHER?
- WHAT?
all: WHAT?
- THIS IS A VALUE THAT WE ALL
ACTUALLY SHARE, RIGHT?
WE COULD PRAY TOGETHER
TO WORK OUT OUR DIFFERENCES
HERE AND NOW.
- OH, GOD.
- RAY...
- WHAT?
"OH, GOD."
I'M KICKING THINGS OFF.
- IT'S A NICE THOUGHT, DEBRA,
BUT I'M NOT SURE
THIS IS THE ENVIRONMENT--
- SEE, MARIE?
I BET ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT
CHURCH IS A LOAD OF CRAP TOO.
PROBABLY SPENDS ALL DAY SUNDAY
WATCHING TV IN A MUFFIN SHOP.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, DEBRA?
I WILL PRAY...
FOR YOU.
- OH, NO.
YOU DON'T PRAY FOR ME, PAL.
I PRAY FOR YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, DAD.
JUST TAKE IT EASY.
NO, THIS GUY
WANTS TO GO, LET'S GO.
- GET UP, FRANK.
- ROBERT.
- RAY, GET DOWN HERE.
- I'M GOOD UP HERE.
BETTER RECEPTION.
OW.
- [clears throat]
- MR. AND MRS. MACDOUGALL,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BEGIN?
- VERY WELL.
DEAR LORD, WE ASK YOU,
IN THIS TIME OF TURMOIL,
TO PROVIDE US
WITH WISDOM AND COMPASSION,
THAT WE MIGHT ACT
IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR WILL.
AMEN.
all: AMEN.
- I CAN BEAT THAT.
- FRANK, WE'RE NOT COMPETING.
- THIS IS HARDLY WORSHIPFUL.
- OH, YEAH?
WHO MADE YOU THE PRAYER SHERIFF?
- I AM NOT
THE PRAYER SHERIFF.
BUT I WILL NOT LET YOU
USE OUR LORD
TO CONTINUE YOUR OWN
PERSONAL ARGUMENTS.
IT'S--IT'S...SACRILEGE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND LET'S PUT AN END
TO ALL THIS.
DEAR LORD, PLEASE KEEP
THIS IN-LAW FAMILY
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!
- FINE, THEN YOU STAY
THE HECK AWAY FROM US TOO.
- YOU CAN SAY "HECK"
ALL YOU WANT.
HE KNOWS YOU MEAN "HELL."
- WHETHER I SAY IT OR NOT,
I BELIEVE THAT IS WHERE
YOU'RE GOING!
- HOW ABOUT
I TAKE YOU WITH ME?
[all talking at once]
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
THIS IS JUST BEAUTIFUL,
ISN'T IT?
WHAT DID I TELL YOU, HUH?
DON'T GET INVOLVED!
AND YOU GOT TO COME
TALKING AND TALKING
AND GET PEOPLE PRAYING.
WELL, NICE JOB, 'CAUSE NOW
WE GOT OURSELVES A HOLY WAR.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
- RAYMOND.
RAYMOND, WAIT.
I GOT TO TALK TO YOU, MAN.
- WHAT?
- WHOO, WAS QUITE A MESS
IN THERE, HUH?
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS.
I HATE THAT KIND OF TENSION.
I MEAN, THOSE PEOPLE--
THEY SHOULDN'T BE
IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER.
EVER.
- OKAY.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
THIS WEDDING MUSTN'T HAPPEN.
- WAIT A MINUTE, WHY ARE YOU
SO AGAINST THIS WEDDING?
- [sighs]
LISTEN, MAN,
FIRST, AMY WENT TO COLLEGE.
THEN SHE GOT A JOB
IN THE CITY.
THEN SHE MET YOUR BROTHER.
AND NOW SHE WANTS
TO GET MARRIED.
I'M STARTING TO THINK SHE
DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE AT HOME.
- BUT--BUT THAT'S
WHAT PEOPLE DO.
- OH, YEAH?
WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
IT'S JUST ME
AND MY PARENTS, MAN.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
- I HEAR YOU.
- OKAY, SO WE'RE SIMPATICO,
ALL RIGHT?
SO THAT'S WHY YOU AND ME
ARE GONNA
BREAK UP THIS WEDDING.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
LOOK, I THINK YOU GOT THE WRONG
IDEA THERE, PETER, OKAY?
I'M NOT FOR BREAKING UP
ROBERT AND AMY'S WEDDING.
- I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.
- YEAH, BUT FRIENDS
CAN DISAGREE.
- NO, THEY CAN'T.
- BUT YOU JUST DISAGREED
WITH ME RIGHT THERE.
- I--
OH, AHA.
OH, YOU ARE CRAFTY.
UH-HUH.
AH, HOW I MISJUDGED YOU.
- ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, PETER.
- NO, NO, LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MR. BARON-AY.
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP
BREAKING UP THIS WEDDING.
YOUR WEIRDO FAMILY'S DONE
MOST OF THAT WORK FOR ME.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE A JOB TO FINISH.
- [sighs]
- AMY, PLEASE COME HOME.
WE'LL MAKE PEANUT BRITTLE.
- HERE, MAMA, LET ME TRY.
HEY, SISSY, IT'S PETEY.
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
COME ON OUT,
AND WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE TALK,
JUST YOU AND ME...
IN THE VAN.
- NO, AMY, DON'T.
DON'T COME OUT.
- RAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M GETTING INVOLVED.
SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.
STAY IN THERE, AMY!
- THIS ISN'T HELPING ME.
- YOU SHOULD GO IN THERE
WITH HER, ROBERT.
YOU BOTH NEED
TO GET AWAY FROM US,
FAR AWAY FROM ALL OF US.
- RAY, THIS IS NOT
WORKING IT OUT.
- IT'S NOT FOR US TO WORK OUT.
WE'RE THE ONES
RUINING EVERYTHING.
WE DID THIS TO YOU!
THE FAMILIES.
TRUST ME, NO GOOD
CAN COME FROM FAMILIES!
FORGET EVERYTHING
A FAMILY TELLS YOU!
EXCEPT FOR THIS RIGHT NOW.
THIS--
THIS PART IS RIGHT!
YOU TWO LOVE EACH OTHER!
AND ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.
OKAY?
[door opens]
- SORRY.
- ME TOO.
- COME ON, ROBERT.
WE'RE GOING OUT
FOR BREAKFAST.
- NO GOOD CAN COME
FROM FAMILY?
- [whispers] HER FAMILY.
FRANK AND MARIE
ARE GONNA BE HERE SOON.
[knock on door]
- HI.
- OH, MOM AND DAD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- HELLO, AMY.
- HI.
HI, HONEY.
HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M FINE.
I JUST--
I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU.
- AMY, IS THIS THE BIGGEST
TOWEL YOU GOT?
BECAUSE I--
- OH!
- I WAS JUST GOING SWIMMING.
- WHAT IS ROBERT DOING HERE?
- THAT'S
GRANDMA TRUDY'S AFGHAN.
- WE'RE EXPECTING
ROBERT'S PARENTS
OVER FOR BRUNCH.
A CASUAL BRUNCH.
- AMY, COULD WE
TALK WITH YOU?
- WHAT IS IT?
- WELL, YOUR BROTHER TOLD US
YOU'RE GOING AHEAD
WITH THE WEDDING
DESPITE OUR OBJECTIONS.
- YOU CAN IMAGINE
HOW THAT MAKES US FEEL.
- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
BUT IF YOU'D
LIKE TO JOIN US,
YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME.
HOW ABOUT SOME COFFEE?
OW!
- AMY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- I REALLY BURNED MYSELF HERE.
- OKAY, COME OVER HERE.
COME ON OVER.
SIT DOWN.
I KNOW WHAT TO DO.
HERE.
- I'LL GET SOME BUTTER.
- ACTUALLY, COLD WATER
IS THE FIRST, BEST TREATMENT.
HUH, OKAY?
FEEL BETTER?
- YEAH, A LITTLE.
- NO, NO, NO, WAIT.
NOT YET.
- THANKS.
- OKAY?
- OH, WATER IS BETTER
THAN BUTTER.
[knock on door]
- HELLO.
- HAIL, CAESAR!
- HEY, BARONES.
GUESS WHO STOPPED BY
AS SORT OF A...
GREAT SURPRISE?
MY PARENTS!
- AMY'S PARENTS?
OH-H-H!
AMY'S PARENTS.
HELLO!
I'M ROBBIE'S MOTHER,
MARIE,
AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND,
FRANK.
- HEY.
- HELLO,
I'M HANK MACDOUGALL,
AND THIS IS MY WIFE,
PAT.
- IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
- OH, US TOO.
WE COULDN'T BE HAPPIER THAT
THESE TWO ARE GETTING MARRIED.
ROBBIE, PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
YOU'RE MAKING EVERYBODY SICK.
OH, PLEASE, SIT DOWN.
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
OH, AMY DEAR, YOU CAN REMOVE
ALL OF YOUR FOOD,
'CAUSE I'VE
MADE SOME THINGS.
- SO, UH...
YOU'RE FROM PENNSYLVANIA, HUH?
- YES, WE ARE.
- WELL, IT JUST
GOES TO SHOW YOU,
EVERYBODY'S
FROM SOMEWHERE.
- OH, IT'S SO WONDERFUL
THAT YOU CAN
JOIN US FOR BRUNCH.
HOMEMADE
BLUEBERRY MUFFINS.
- OH, IT'S NICE OF YOU
TO OFFER, MARIE,
BUT, ACTUALLY,
WE ALREADY ATE BREAKFAST.
- THIS IS BRUNCH.
- ACTUALLY,
I DON'T EAT MUFFINS.
- I'M SORRY?
- IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.
HE'S NEVER HAD ONE.
- YOU'VE NEVER HAD
A BLUEBERRY MUFFIN?
- I'VE NEVER HAD
ANY KIND OF MUFFIN.
- IN YOUR LIFE?
- IT'S JUST NEVER
APPEALED TO ME.
- I'LL TAKE HIS MUFFIN.
- OH, NO.
IT'S NOT POLITE TO EAT
IF OTHER PEOPLE AREN'T.
- DIDN'T YOU HEAR?
HE'S NEVER GONNA EAT.
- FRANK.
- ALL RIGHT, CAN WE AT LEAST
PUT ON THE TELEVISION?
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HANK,
YOU WANT TO FLIP ON THE TUBE?
- WE'RE NOT MUCH
FOR TV.
- ESPECIALLY ON A SUNDAY.
- WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO
ON A SUNDAY?
- WELL, WE KIND OF LIKE
TO KEEP THAT
MOSTLY FOR CHURCH
AND FAMILY.
- OH, HOW...
GREAT.
- BY THE WAY, YOUNG LADY,
DID YOU EVEN GO TO CHURCH
THIS MORNING?
- UH...WE WENT TO CHURCH
LAST WEEK.
THIS SUNDAY, ALL FAMILY.
- GIVE ME A MUFFIN.
- NO, NO, NO.
BE--BEHAVE YOURSELF.
- HAH!
- OH, FRANK, PUT THAT BACK!
PUT THAT BACK, FRANK!
- PUT THE MUFFIN BACK!
[Robert and Marie yelling]
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS
YELLING ABOUT?
- LISTEN,
LET'S JUST GO HOME.
- WHAT?
GO HOME?
- YEAH, I REALIZED THE KIDS
ARE AT THE BIRTHDAY PARTY,
AND WE COULD SPEND
SOME TIME ALONE.
- RAY, COME ON.
WE ALREADY HAD SEX THIS WEEK.
- WHOA--WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT.
FIRST OF ALL, THAT WAS
NINE DAYS AGO, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, LISTEN,
AMY'S PARENTS ARE IN THERE.
- AMY'S PARENTS?
REALLY?
OH, I'VE NEVER MET THEM.
THEY MUST'VE CHANGED THEIR MINDS
ABOUT ROBERT,
AND NOW THEY WANT TO
MEET YOUR WHOLE--
OH, MY GOD,
I HAVE TO HELP AMY.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA SAY STUFF
AND GET ALL INVOLVED.
LET'S JUST GO TO THE MALL,
AND YOU CAN BUY STUFF,
AND I'LL WALK BEHIND YOU
AND CALL YOU PRETTY.
- YOUR MOTHER IS IN THERE,
AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT ME
GETTING INVOLVED?
- LET HIM HAVE IT.
- GIVE IT BACK!
- NO, MINE!
- GET YOUR HAND
OUT OF MY PANTS!
- HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?
- WE'RE FINE.
DAD STUFFED A MUFFIN
IN HIS POCKET.
- MARIE.
- OH, FINE, KEEP IT.
IT'S FINE WITH ME.
- HEY!
HEY, HEY.
- ENJOY YOUR CRUMBS.
- WELL, HI.
I'M DEBRA, RAY'S WIFE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- WELL, IT'S NICE
TO MEET YOU TOO.
SO I SEE YOU'RE
GETTING TO KNOW EVERYONE.
- YES, AND AMY, PLEASE KEEP
THAT IN MIND WHEN WE TALK LATER.
EXCUSE ME.
- WAIT, WAIT, PLEASE.
CAN I SAY SOMETHING?
- NO.
NO SAY.
- MR. AND MRS. MACDOUGALL,
I KNOW HOW AWKWARD IT CAN BE
TO COME IN AND MEET NEW PEOPLE,
ESPECIALLY WHEN
THE NEW PEOPLE ARE SO...
DIFFERENT.
BUT I HAVE TO SAY,
13 YEARS AGO...
[whispers]
I FELT THE SAME WAY.
BUT AFTER A WHILE,
I GREW TO LOVE ALL THE BARONES
LIKE MY OWN FAMILY,
SO JUST GIVE IT SOME TIME.
13 YEARS.
- DEBRA, I THINK
YOU'RE RIGHT.
OUR FAMILIES
ARE DIFFERENT.
- THAT'S TRUE.
I'M NOT SURE OUR VALUES
ARE QUITE THE SAME
AS YOUR VALUES.
- IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
WE'RE JUST NOT THE TYPE
OF PEOPLE WHO WOULD EVER BE...
WITH YOU.
- IT'S GOING GOOD.
- NOW I WOULD LIKE
TO SAY SOMETHING.
- MA, SIT DOWN.
- I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT.
NOW, I'VE HEARD
WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY,
AND FORGIVE ME,
BUT I TAKE UMBRAGE.
I TAKE SEVERE UMBRAGE.
- ME TOO!
UMBRAGE!
- YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT UMBRAGE MEANS.
- SHUT UP!
- OH, MY.
- MOM, DAD,
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GO.
- AMY, I DON'T APPRECIATE
YOUR TONE.
- WELL, I DON'T APPRECIATE
YOU COMING HERE
TO TALK ME OUT OF MARRYING
THE MAN I LOVE.
- ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
IT'S OKAY, AMY.
OKAY, IT'S MY PARENTS.
THEY'RE SCREWING EVERYTHING UP.
IT'S WHAT THEY DO.
- WHAT DO WE DO?
- WHAT DO YOU DO?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU WERE SMASHING
DAD'S PANTS MUFFIN!
- ROBERT, THEY'RE FINE!
IT'S MY PARENTS.
THEY STAND THERE
AND PASS JUDGMENT
AND TRY TO MAKE EVERYONE
ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES.
- AMY, PLEASE, I THINK YOU'RE
GETTING A LITTLE WOUND UP.
- I AGREE, SWEETIE.
THIS COULD POSSIBLY BE
BECAUSE YOU MISSED CHURCH TODAY.
- MOTHER, I DID NOT
MISS CHURCH TODAY.
I CHOSE NOT TO GO.
- OH...
- YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE ROBERT AND I
WANTED TO SLEEP IN.
DON'T SAY "OH" YET.
HE SLEEPS OVER MANY NIGHTS.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE DECIDED
THAT IT'S NOT A SIN.
- NOW CAN I SAY "OH"?
- [clears throat] MAY I SAY
THAT WHEN I COME OVER,
I NEVER SLEEP.
NO, NO, NO.
NO, I'M ALWAYS SLEEPING
IS WHAT I AM.
I'M OUT!
WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM
THAT I SLEEP OVER?
- WHAT, YOU'RE TAKING
THEIR SIDE?
- I'M NOT TAKING ANYBODY'S SIDE.
I'M JUST SAYING
THAT YOU SHOULD RELAX!
- DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX!
YOU RELAX!
[knock on door]
- MAMA, WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?
I'VE BEEN SITTING IN THE VAN.
SO WHAT'S THE STORY?
ARE WE BRINGING AMY BACK
TO PENNSYLVANIA, OR WHAT?
- AMY...
[door slams]
- HEY, RAY.
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
- SO WHAT HAPPENED?
- OH, PETER, IT'S AWFUL.
YOUR SISTER'S
BEEN RAISING HER VOICE
AND USING SALTY LANGUAGE.
- WELL, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.
YOU MOVE TO THE CITY,
FALL IN WITH THE WRONG CROWD.
- YOU HEAR THAT, FRANK?
WE'RE THE WRONG CROWD.
- AT LEAST WE'RE NOT LIARS.
- EXCUSE ME?
- EVERYBODY'S HAD A MUFFIN.
YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP.
- THAT'S IT.
LET'S GO, MOTHER.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT AMY?
- WE'LL COME BACK
AND TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER
ONCE THEY'RE GONE--
COME ALONG.
- LISTEN, I KNOW THAT THINGS
HAVE NOT BEEN PERFECT SO FAR.
- SERIOUSLY, DEBRA,
PUNCH OUT FOR THE DAY.
- BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS,
WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE.
WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WORK OUT
ANY DIFFERENCES THAT WE HAVE.
- I THINK HANK AND I REALLY NEED
TO PRAY ON ALL OF THAT.
- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHY DON'T WE PRAY TOGETHER?
- WHAT?
all: WHAT?
- THIS IS A VALUE THAT WE ALL
ACTUALLY SHARE, RIGHT?
WE COULD PRAY TOGETHER
TO WORK OUT OUR DIFFERENCES
HERE AND NOW.
- OH, GOD.
- RAY...
- WHAT?
"OH, GOD."
I'M KICKING THINGS OFF.
- IT'S A NICE THOUGHT, DEBRA,
BUT I'M NOT SURE
THIS IS THE ENVIRONMENT--
- SEE, MARIE?
I BET ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT
CHURCH IS A LOAD OF CRAP TOO.
PROBABLY SPENDS ALL DAY SUNDAY
WATCHING TV IN A MUFFIN SHOP.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, DEBRA?
I WILL PRAY...
FOR YOU.
- OH, NO.
YOU DON'T PRAY FOR ME, PAL.
I PRAY FOR YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, DAD.
JUST TAKE IT EASY.
NO, THIS GUY
WANTS TO GO, LET'S GO.
- GET UP, FRANK.
- ROBERT.
- RAY, GET DOWN HERE.
- I'M GOOD UP HERE.
BETTER RECEPTION.
OW.
- [clears throat]
- MR. AND MRS. MACDOUGALL,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BEGIN?
- VERY WELL.
DEAR LORD, WE ASK YOU,
IN THIS TIME OF TURMOIL,
TO PROVIDE US
WITH WISDOM AND COMPASSION,
THAT WE MIGHT ACT
IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR WILL.
AMEN.
all: AMEN.
- I CAN BEAT THAT.
- FRANK, WE'RE NOT COMPETING.
- THIS IS HARDLY WORSHIPFUL.
- OH, YEAH?
WHO MADE YOU THE PRAYER SHERIFF?
- I AM NOT
THE PRAYER SHERIFF.
BUT I WILL NOT LET YOU
USE OUR LORD
TO CONTINUE YOUR OWN
PERSONAL ARGUMENTS.
IT'S--IT'S...SACRILEGE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND LET'S PUT AN END
TO ALL THIS.
DEAR LORD, PLEASE KEEP
THIS IN-LAW FAMILY
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!
- FINE, THEN YOU STAY
THE HECK AWAY FROM US TOO.
- YOU CAN SAY "HECK"
ALL YOU WANT.
HE KNOWS YOU MEAN "HELL."
- WHETHER I SAY IT OR NOT,
I BELIEVE THAT IS WHERE
YOU'RE GOING!
- HOW ABOUT
I TAKE YOU WITH ME?
[all talking at once]
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
THIS IS JUST BEAUTIFUL,
ISN'T IT?
WHAT DID I TELL YOU, HUH?
DON'T GET INVOLVED!
AND YOU GOT TO COME
TALKING AND TALKING
AND GET PEOPLE PRAYING.
WELL, NICE JOB, 'CAUSE NOW
WE GOT OURSELVES A HOLY WAR.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
- RAYMOND.
RAYMOND, WAIT.
I GOT TO TALK TO YOU, MAN.
- WHAT?
- WHOO, WAS QUITE A MESS
IN THERE, HUH?
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS.
I HATE THAT KIND OF TENSION.
I MEAN, THOSE PEOPLE--
THEY SHOULDN'T BE
IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER.
EVER.
- OKAY.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
THIS WEDDING MUSTN'T HAPPEN.
- WAIT A MINUTE, WHY ARE YOU
SO AGAINST THIS WEDDING?
- [sighs]
LISTEN, MAN,
FIRST, AMY WENT TO COLLEGE.
THEN SHE GOT A JOB
IN THE CITY.
THEN SHE MET YOUR BROTHER.
AND NOW SHE WANTS
TO GET MARRIED.
I'M STARTING TO THINK SHE
DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE AT HOME.
- BUT--BUT THAT'S
WHAT PEOPLE DO.
- OH, YEAH?
WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
IT'S JUST ME
AND MY PARENTS, MAN.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
- I HEAR YOU.
- OKAY, SO WE'RE SIMPATICO,
ALL RIGHT?
SO THAT'S WHY YOU AND ME
ARE GONNA
BREAK UP THIS WEDDING.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
LOOK, I THINK YOU GOT THE WRONG
IDEA THERE, PETER, OKAY?
I'M NOT FOR BREAKING UP
ROBERT AND AMY'S WEDDING.
- I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.
- YEAH, BUT FRIENDS
CAN DISAGREE.
- NO, THEY CAN'T.
- BUT YOU JUST DISAGREED
WITH ME RIGHT THERE.
- I--
OH, AHA.
OH, YOU ARE CRAFTY.
UH-HUH.
AH, HOW I MISJUDGED YOU.
- ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, PETER.
- NO, NO, LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MR. BARON-AY.
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP
BREAKING UP THIS WEDDING.
YOUR WEIRDO FAMILY'S DONE
MOST OF THAT WORK FOR ME.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE A JOB TO FINISH.
- [sighs]
- AMY, PLEASE COME HOME.
WE'LL MAKE PEANUT BRITTLE.
- HERE, MAMA, LET ME TRY.
HEY, SISSY, IT'S PETEY.
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
COME ON OUT,
AND WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE TALK,
JUST YOU AND ME...
IN THE VAN.
- NO, AMY, DON'T.
DON'T COME OUT.
- RAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M GETTING INVOLVED.
SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.
STAY IN THERE, AMY!
- THIS ISN'T HELPING ME.
- YOU SHOULD GO IN THERE
WITH HER, ROBERT.
YOU BOTH NEED
TO GET AWAY FROM US,
FAR AWAY FROM ALL OF US.
- RAY, THIS IS NOT
WORKING IT OUT.
- IT'S NOT FOR US TO WORK OUT.
WE'RE THE ONES
RUINING EVERYTHING.
WE DID THIS TO YOU!
THE FAMILIES.
TRUST ME, NO GOOD
CAN COME FROM FAMILIES!
FORGET EVERYTHING
A FAMILY TELLS YOU!
EXCEPT FOR THIS RIGHT NOW.
THIS--
THIS PART IS RIGHT!
YOU TWO LOVE EACH OTHER!
AND ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.
OKAY?
[door opens]
- SORRY.
- ME TOO.
- COME ON, ROBERT.
WE'RE GOING OUT
FOR BREAKFAST.
- NO GOOD CAN COME
FROM FAMILY?
- [whispers] HER FAMILY.