Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 6, Episode 4 - Ray's Ring - full transcript

Thanks for bringing me
on your road trip, Raymond.

Sure glad I brought
these binoculars.

I can see
every drop of rain

hitting the Piggly-Wiggly.

Well...

once again, God,
thanks for everything.

Aah, that'll clear up.

And when will that be,
Raymond?

All that's left is
for the animals

to line up two by two.

Cheer up, will ya?
Get something from the minibar.



Oh, minibar...

ooh, whoopee.

How much is a soda?

Who cares?
The paper's paying for it.

I feel a little better.

57, 58, 59, 60,

61, 62!
Oh, man! Almost!

Will you stop spinning
your ring already?

This table's got some kind of
super-slick surface.

This could be the day
I break the record.

Yippee!

Quiet!

Can't we at least
go bowling or something?

No, no, I'm having
a good time here.



You're twirling jewelry.

You don't realize
what you got here, okay?

You don't have a wife
and kids always around.

You're alone.

Thank you.

If I was home with the kids,
I couldn't do this, right?

58, 59, 60...
aah! Almost!

Bowling.
We're in paradise here, huh?

Look at what I'm doing.
I'm going to the bathroom,

I don't even have
to lock the door.

Or do I?

Don't flatter yourself.

I don't think I'd eat that
if I were you.

No, I'm playing
my own kind of game.

I pretend I'm a fisherman.

All right, Ray, look,
I was spinning your ring,

- and...
- What?

Oh, what is wrong
with you?!

It's just right
on top of the vent.

We can unscrew the grate
and just take it out.

Let me get my hand in there.
Hold on.

I got it.
I got it.

There it is.
I got it. I got it.

Milky Way?

Right over there.

Look, why don't you
watch the stuff,

and I'll go get some pizza.
You want a slice?

Yeah...
what are they, a buck?

Why don't you buy me 500
and we'll be even.

Ray, I'm sure
the maintenance guy

is gonna find your ring,
all right?

Yeah, did you see that guy?

He finds my ring, two seconds
later, he's gonna trade it in

for a bottle of whiskey
and a harmonica.

For those passengers traveling
on flight 1477 to New York,

boarding will be delayed
another 45 minutes.

You believe this?

Yeah.

Going home?

Yeah, going home.

Yeah, I'm from New York, too.

Are you right in the city?

Actually, Long Island.

Oh?
What do you do there?

I'm a newspaper columnist
for a newspaper.

Well, that makes sense.

I'm in real estate myself.
Alexis.

Uh, Ray.
Is this...

I mean,
I already have a house.

Oh!

No, no, I'm off duty.

Oh, okay.

Well, we're not going anywhere.

I think I'll go over to the bar
and get a drink.

Would you want to join me?

Oh! Oh! You know...

I, uh...
actually, I'm married.

- Oh! Oh my God! I'm so sorry.
- That's okay.

- You didn't have a...
- I didn't have a ring.

That's 'cause of this guy
right here.

What'd I do?

You lost my ring.
He lost my ring,

And I should have it on,
and I don't, and...

I'm sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.

No, really, I'm sorry.

And it was nice to meet you.

Hey, if I wasn't married...

Well, uh, think maybe
I'll go to the bar

and have both our drinks.

I'm not married.

Wow.

She liked you.

Yeah, how 'bout that?

Unbelievable.

A couple of hours
without the ring,

you're already
getting offers.

It really, truly never ends for you,
does it?

Aw, come on.
It's just...

you know,
it's this haircut.

It makes me look Latin.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I didn't hear you
come in last night.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

My flight got in late.
I didn't even unpack yet.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, I got some
of that new cereal.

You want to try some?

- Yeah, all right.
- Just get the milk.

Could you get me
some more juice, too, please?

Yeah.

Oh! Whoo! Oh!

I'll get it.
I got it.

I got it.
I got it.

I got it.

Let's see what that new
cereal's all about.

What are you doing?

Hmm? Nothing.

What's with your hand?

No. I just made
a little puppet.

Pass the orange juice, toots!

Hey, come on,
that's not nice.

"Why? I'm thirsty.
I'm just thirsty."

All right, listen...

I want you
to prepare yourself

'cause you're about
to get very mad

at Robert.

What is it?

Where's your wedding ring?

Robert.

Robert's wearing
your wedding ring?

No, no, what happened was,

I had it on the table
in the hotel room...

Were you spinning it again?

No! No!
Robert was spinning it.

I went to the bathroom
and Robert,

without even asking me,
he takes my ring,

he spins it
right into the vent!

- The vent!
- Yeah.

Did you try to get it out?

Of course, yeah!

We used Milky Ways,
everything.

But the maintenance guy
at the hotel...

he said he was gonna look,
and I'm sure he'll come through.

He looked like
a very dependable guy.

I don't understand.

How did Robert get your
wedding ring in the first place?

I told you...
I went to the bathroom.

And you take your wedding ring off
when you go to the bathroom?

In a hotel bathroom, huh?
In a strange city?

This is our wedding ring!
You bet your ass I do!

Well, are you gonna
get it back or not?

Absolutely, yeah.

Hey! I'm watching
Sportscenter over here.

Dad!

Marie's doing
her French lesson crap!

I'd stop her,
but maybe someday

she'll learn enough
to move there.

Not now, Frank, okay?

Oh, sorry. You two goin'
a couple of rounds?

Dad, please, just...

Don't be too hard on him, Deb.

Robert told me
he did the right thing.

He shot her down real quick.

Boy, women out there
must be getting desperate

if they start
goin' after big nose.

So a woman
was going after you?

No...

No, it was funny, though.

We were at the airport,

and this woman
was sitting next to us,

and I guess because
I didn't have a ring,

she said "hi" or whatever...

and then the flight was late,

so she asked me to go to the bar
and have a drink with her.

And so, right away,
I said, "I'm married,"

and she said, "Sorry,"
and left.

What'd she look like?

All right, Dad.
Come on, come on.

Scale of one to ten.

Get out of here,
will ya?

All right, I knew it.

- Probably a dud, right?
- Come on.

Probably
one of those she-males.

It was funny,

I only had the ring off
for a couple of hours,

and I get hit on,
like I'm a stud or something.

And you like that?

No, I don't like it.

But it was funny.

Robert was standing there,

and she didn't
say "boo" to him.

You seem pretty proud of this.

No, that's not it.

Actually, it's a compliment
to you, hmm?

You're married to a very
desirable man, honeybun.

But the ladies can want me
all they want because

What? What?

What are you doing?
Wait! It was nothing!

It's nothing, huh?

I am stuck here alone with the kids
for three days

while you're out there
without your wedding ring

at airports talking to girls!

For your information, that woman
asked me to have a drink,

and the first thing I said
was, "Sorry, I'm married!

Maybe if I wasn't married,
but I can't.

I am married!"

You said,
"if I wasn't married"?

Of course.
I didn't want to be a jerk.

Good job.

Come back...

I said whatever I could
to get rid of her.

She was all over me!

And just so you know,

I kept my hand in my pocket
the whole flight home

so people would stop
hitting on me.

All right?

Which even in business class
was very uncomfortable!

What are you doin'?

I'm helping you unpack.

You shouldn't do that.

You know,
people in the neighborhood,

they already think you drink.

Hey, I don't know what kind of tree
you planted out there,

but it's growin' skivvies!

Thanks to you,

Debra threw my suitcase
out the window this morning.

Hey, listen, I was thinkin'
of taking a little field trip

to LaGuardia
to watch some flights.

You in?

Raymond's not interested
in those things, Frank.

But, by all means, you go.

I'll get you a limo.

Hey, where ya going,
to get the kids?

Going to the grocery store
first.

Did you tell your mom
all about your big score?

All right, I'm sorry, honey.

What are you sorry about,
Ray?

I'm sorry
about the airport lady.

I'm sorry
that you got jealous.

I'm not jealous about
your airport lady, Ray.

What bothers me
is your attitude!

Your attitude about me,
about your ring,

and about your marriage.

What do you mean,
my marriage?

There's nothing wrong
with my marriage.

Maybe your marriage.

Maybe my marriage.

You want to know
what's bothering me, Ray?

How many times have I told you
not to spin your ring?

That's your wedding ring,
Ray!

It's not a toy!

It does spin.

Okay, great.

Oh, my God!

Spin these.

Come on, what're you doing?
Where you going?

I'm going
to the grocery store.

I'll wear my ring
when you wear yours.

You lettin' her go there
without a wedding ring?

Yeah, so?

Come on, a grocery store?

It actually is a meat market.

You send your little lady
out into a man's world

with a naked finger?

It's like banana time
in the monkey cage!

That's stupid.

Oh, yeah?
Then where ya goin'?

I just remembered

there's a few things we need
at the store, all right?

I know what you need.
You need a big sponge...

All right, Ma.

Okay.

Your refrigerator is just...

How come they get their rings
to come off so easy?

You did this to me...

with your cooking.

You fattened me up
so I couldn't get out.

Wow, man, you just plowed
right into her!

I'm sorry.
I'm very, very sorry.

Are you okay?
Are you all right?

Sorry!

- Hi.
- Hello.

I can never tell.

How do you know
if a mango is ripe or not?

I don't know. Squeeze 'em
or something.

So, gosh.
Is this one ripe?

To tell you the truth,
I really don't eat fruit.

You know, you guys have
a great selection of lettuce.

I've always thought that.

Yup, a lot of lettuce.

So... what are you, uh...

I mean, have you always
been a... produce man...

Jimmy?

I'm just doing this

till they allow me back
at the deli counter.

Ah!
I love how it...

smells around here.

I gotta go spritz the parsley,
all right?

- Oh, great.
- It's at the loading dock.

- Oh, the loading dock?
- You can't come.

- I'm really interested...
- Lady!

Please, leave me alone!

Nice talkin' to you, Jimmy.

Okay, the first guy
was definitely gay.

And jimmy's all wrapped up
in his work.

You knew I was watching you?

Shut up.

Come on, please,
can we just go home?

You're obviously married
to an old hag!

But I love her.

You're probably going to leave me
for some younger girl

who's stupid and thinks
you're distinguished.

Come on, I'm just having
a good week, that's all.

All right.

Could we just check out,
please?

Oh, sorry.

That's okay.
It was my fault.

It's me.
I wasn't looking.

Oh, I'm married.

Excuse me?

And even if I wasn't,
no, thank you.

How's that?

Perfect.

I almost killed a lady.

Oh, thank God.

Ray, how long were you
in the shower this morning?

There's no hot water
for me now!

You're so inconsiderate!