Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 5, Episode 2 - Italy: Part 2 - full transcript

- There were gladiators
and re-enacted sea battles here

Until the 5th century!

- Hmm.

- So should we go see
the forum now?

- Oh, you know, actually, I
could use a little break, marie.

- But
it's right over there.

- I know, and I really want
to go see it, but...

- But if we don't stick
to my schedule, we won't see it.

And we did stop
for your other thing before.

- My other thing before?
What do you mean, the bathroom?

- 40 minutes.



- First of all,
you're timing me now?

And second of all,
I do not take 40 minutes!

- Yes, dear, but when you go,
everyone else has to go.

- Okay, you know, marie,

It's just that I need a little
time to myself, that's all.

I mean, we have been doing

Everything you've wanted
to do, right?

- Are you saying
that you feel obligated

Because I'm paying
for this trip?

'cause that's not
what I want.

- No, of course not.
And I am really grateful.

- Really?

[laughs]

- Ray...



- No comment.

- Ray, say something.

- I said something. No comment.
- Ray...

- What, you want me
to say something?

I'll say something.
This is what you get.

Okay? 'cause I told you
that it was gonna get like this.

But can you ever listen
to me, huh?

No, no, no, I'm just dumb ray
who likes new jersey.

You know, I wish I was
in new jersey right now,

'cause I saw this coming,
all right?

I just didn't think
it would take so long...

Or I would get sick

From hot and then cold
and then hot and then cold

Or get a mama leoni hand-wash
or have to sleep with my father!

- Oh, why don't you
stuff it, ray?

Your parents are fine
compared to you!

- Me? Me? What?
What the hell did I do?

- At least they're trying
to have a good time!

You've been nothing
but a grumpy

Pain in the ass
the whole trip.

- Don't fight here.
It's the colosseum.

- I'm a pain in the ass?
I'm a pain in the ass?

Fine! I will not be a pain
in anyone's ass anymore!

- And I'm not sleeping
with you anymore!

What are you looking at?

- Hey,
what's your problem?

- Nothing, nothing, I'm just--
just ready to go home.

That's all.

- Oh.

You got more listerine?

- I told you
to wear a hat.

Why can't you listen
to me?

- All right, enough!
I'm fine!

- You're fine? You look
like the top of a police car!

Put some cream on that.
- No!

- Frank, you put some cream
on that head right now.

You're gonna be
in pain later.

- I've been in pain
since the wedding!

- He refuses to accept the fact
that he has no hair.

Oh.

What?
What's the matter, dear?

- Oh, eh, eh.

- Oh, I know what it is.

It's debra.

- Ma, please.

- You know
what you and I need?

A nice long walk.

That would be so wonderful,
wouldn't it?

- Hey, ma...

Do you know if we have any
mob connections here in town,

Because I might need
a little help.

- What's the matter, dear?

You look so terrible.
Tuck in your shirt.

- No, I'm fine, ma.

It's just that stefania's father
wasn't too thrilled

To, uh, find me
with his daughter.

- What?
- Now, he's having a vacation.

- This is wild, isn't it?

I went out the window
when pops went to get a shovel.

- Congratulations.
Stefania fogagnolo.

- Oh, thanks, there,
giorgio.

- Signore fogagnolo,
he will kill you.

- You better stay away
from that girl, robbie!

- Yeah, right.

Nothing like this
has ever happened to me before.

Hey, ray,
you want to go get a gelato?

- I'm not going there
with that father.

- Come on.
- No, get out of here.

He'll use me
to beat you to death.

- Come on, look, hey,

Maybe he'll chase us
with the shovel, huh?

Come on. Fratello mio,
e' cosi' buono--

- Get off me, you nut.
I'm not going there.

- Hey, hey, hey!

You got to wake up, here,
little bro!

Look where you are, man!
You're missing it!

[singing] la donna mobile,
qual piu ma vento

- I've never seen him
like this, so happy.

I don't like it.

- Hi, daddy.

- Hey, what did you do,
feed the ducks or something?

- You want to feed them
with us tomorrow?

- Yeah, maybe.
I don't know. We'll see.

- Yeah, yeah,
daddy's very busy, you guys.

He really doesn't have time
for fun this trip.

He has a lot of moping to do,
which is quite time consuming.

- All right,
give me a break, please.

- Why don't you
give me a break, huh?

I thought
that this could be

A time for all of us
to be together!

- All right, listen,
I can't do this right now,

Because I just promised
my mother we'd take a walk.

- That's true, dear.

- Have a nice time.

- I'm so glad
we could do this, raymond.

You really seem
to need it.

- Need what?

- This, just the two of us
walking and talking.

You know, we never get
a chance to talk.

- We don't?
- No, not like this.

We rarely get a chance
to just talk--

No interruptions,
distractions, deb--

Anyway, first of all,

I'm feeling a little bit upset
about something.

- That water
is kind of nice, huh?

- It's beautiful.

I'm feeling that everyone else
seems to think

That they have
the right to do

Just exactly what they want
on this trip.

- And they don't?

- Well, they do.
Of course they do.

But they could at least consult
with me first...

I know, I know,
he's your father.

Between you and me,
I can't take it anymore.

- He seemed to be having
a good time.

- What, this morning?
That's finished.

I had the nerve
to tell him to wear a hat...

I begged him 50 times,

"please, please, get someone
to fix the garage door."

You know what he says?
"I can do it myself."

And, of course,
you know what happens.

He doesn't do it.
Ha, it's been three months.

Anybody could get
into that garage if they wanted.

Oh, please.

What are you stopping for?

- Nothing, no, I just never seen
them like this before, huh?

Pretty.

You see the way they wrap them?
You look at these?

- I've seen flowers.

My point is,
I can't talk to him...

Ooh, there's
a butcher shop, honey.

I got to run in there,
see,

And get some meat
for the barbecue later.

You want to come in
with me?

- No, no, no.
Go, go ahead.

- All right,
I'll be right back.

And don't forget
what we were talking about.

- Okay.

[boys speaking italian]

Here, you guys.

[boy speaking italian]

You want it with the foot?
Okay.

Oh. What, I'm in it?
Here, there you go.

You want to--want to play
a little game, huh?

[laughs] I'll pass it.
There you go.

You guys are good at this.
I don't play this.

[boy speaking italian]
yeah.

- Alessandro! Luca!

- Grazie. Arrivederci.
- Ciao.

- Okay.

- Ciao.
Ciao.

- Hey, ciao. Yeah.
Ha.

Hey.

Pizza.
- Yes, pizza.

- Okay, give me one.
Can I get one?

- Here.
- Yeah. Thank you.

Wow.

- It's okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

I had a cold,
but it's--it's gone now.

This is awesome.

- Hmm?

- "awesome," "awesome."
you know "awesome"?

Uh, magnifico.

- Oh, grazie.

- Prego.

Oh, this is, like,
the best pizza I ever had, man!

- You like more?

- Hell, yes, I want more!

You made this?

- I make, yes.

- So you're, like,
a genius, then.

- Oh, all done.
[chuckles]

Oh, I've got
some chops for later.

What--
you're having pizza now?

- Yeah, uh-huh.

- Will you be able to eat
your lunch?

- Yeah, sure.
You want a bite?

- No, no, no.
- Oh, good.

- Come on.
- All right.

- Come on.
Let's go up this way.

[laughs]
I forgot what I was saying.

- How you can't talk
to anyone but me.

- Oh, yes, right.

Because, I mean, nobody
values communicating anymore.

To me, that's
the most important thing.

Don't you agree with me?
- Mmm-hmm. Absolutely.

- Oh, raymond,
this is so nice.

Did I tell you the other thing
your father did?

- No, go ahead.

- Well, I had forbid him
to use my cutting board...

- Hello, dear.
- Hey, marie.

- Have you seen raymond?
Where is he?

- Don't know
and don't care.

He's been a drip
this entire vacation.

I've decided I'm not gonna
let him ruin it for me.

- I had a lovely walk
with him this morning.

- It's so nice
that you two have each other.

Ugh, stupid, stinking hump!

[laughter]

You like that?
I got a million of them.

- Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

[muffled]
signore fogagnolo.

Come va?

- You don't see my daughter
no more.

- Oh.
[clears throat]

You know, sir,
if I may--

Here--here, look,
let's sit down, huh?

Please. Please.
Can we--can we sit down?

Per favore, huh?

Let's sit. Grazie.

Mille grazie, huh?

[clears throat]

Signore fogagnolo...

- Ah, your mother's ass!

- I don't like you.

[bicycle bell dings]

- Ciao, tutti!
- Hi, daddy!

- Ciao!
Hello, everybody!

Beautiful day, huh?

Oh! Look what I have.

Signora, bellisima.

For you.
You can have those.

Here, you can have
one of those.

Beautiful.
See how they wrap them?

Mom...

And aunt coletta!

These are for you.

- [laughs]
what are you doing?

- You look good. Come here.
I want to talk to you.

- What?
- Come here, come here.

Listen...

Um, I know you wanted to talk
to me before,

And I know
what you were gonna say.

- No, you don't.

- Whatever you were gonna say,
you were right.

I was wrong,
and you were right.

And I'm not just saying that

So we don't have to talk
about it anymore like at home.

It's just--there's
something about this place.

Do you get that?

There's, like,
a feeling here.

I don't know
how to describe it,

But it's more...Simple.

The way the whole place
shuts down

In the middle of the day

So the people can just,
you know, enjoy the day?

It's like they know how to live
here, don't you think?

Don't you think
it's kind of beautiful here?

- Yes...

- Okay, so we agree.

And the history--

I was thinking--
thousands of years here.

We got no history at home.

Everything was built
last week.

- Where have you been?

- Oh, I had a bike ride.
- No, I--

Not today.
I mean this whole trip.

- Okay, so what do you want
me to say?

Your hair
does look nice, though.

- So now you're being
romantic?

- Look, I don't know
what I'm being,

But we got
a couple of days left.

You want to enjoy it,
or you want to mope around?

- Okay, I think
that's everything.

- [laughs]
oh, god.

Look at this.
- [laughing]

- What are you rebelling
against?

- What do you got?

- Yeah, you see?
They rode one.

- That was fun.

- Yeah, I got to get
one of these.

All right,
fun's over, here.

Time to go home.

Thanks for everything,
there, giorgio.

- Arrivederci, colletta...

- Bene, bene.
- Bene.

- Ah.

- Bella.

- Bye-bye.

Listen, anytime you want to come
to america and give me a shower,

It's fine with me.

Giorgio,
I'll see you, okay?

No, nothing, it's--
ah, it's just--

- Hey, where's robert?

- Oh, roberto.

- Oh, boy, stefania.

- Must you be leaving
so soon?

- Yes. Yes, I must.

- I will miss you.

- Me too.

Maybe you can come and visit me
in america sometime.

Bring your father along
for laughs.

- Here, for you.

- You don't have to
pay me.

- You throw a coin
in the water.

It means some day you return
to lago di bracciano.

You would like that?

- Would I like that?

- Aspetta, aspetta.

Cosi.

Si, cosi.

Bravo.

[laughing]

- My credit cards...

And traveler's checks.

- [laughing]
roberto.

- [sighs]

- Okay, all right, everybody.
I'm sorry, mi dispiace.

Aunt colletta,
mille grazie, huh?

- Ciao, ciao.

- Thank you, okay.

- Hey, did you say good-bye
to gelato lollobrigida?

- All right, dad.

- Grazie!

- Si, si.
- Grazie, grazie, grazie.

- [singing] che la luna mezzo
mare mama mia me maritari

- Figghia mia, a cu te dari
mamma mia pensaci tu

O mamma,
piscia fritta baccala

O mamma,
piscia fritta baccala

Che la luna mezzo mare
mamma mia me maritari

- Che la luna mezzo mare
mamma mia me maritari

Figghia mia, a cu te dari
mamma mia pensaci tu

O mamma--

- Sir,
could you please keep it down?

Some of the other passengers
are starting to complain.

- Oh. Oh, sorry.

[singing quietly]
cella luna mezzo mare

Mamma mia me maritari

Figghia mia, a cu te dari
mamma mia pensaci tu