Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 4, Episode 8 - Debra's Workout - full transcript

Ray becomes jealous when he sees Debra's new aerobics instructor.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- How's your class?
- Oh, it's good. Really good.

Good. All right.
I gotta go.

Oh, listen, Parkers said that
the party's gonna be over at 2:00,

so you can pick up
the kids anytime after that.

- Okay.
- All right, I'll see you later.

- What was that?
- Nothing, you said goodbye, so...

you know, goodbye.

Oh, wha...
what are you doing?

Bye.

Goodbye.
I'm going golfing.



Yeah, I know.

Oh, it's not fair!

You know I love golfing.
I don't get to golf very often.

All right.

Oh, don't make
me choose.

It's not fair!

- It's probably gonna rain.
- Yeah.

Hey, Nemo.
Pizza ready?

Look at this.

What the hell?

Oh, hey!
Hey, guys.

Hey, moron.
Where were you today?

Whoa whoa, how come
you're not golfing?

We waited for your
big nose for an hour.



Then we couldn't play because
the tournament was starting.

Nice work, big nose!

Oh, man.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I just had to do something
at the house, you know?

I just had to...
I had to do that something.

We kept calling.
Why didn't you pick up the phone?

Yeah, I know, but I couldn't hear it
'cause I was fixing the dryer.

The... the...

that damn... the basin
of it, it's all...

out of its hoop.

What, are you trying
to lie or something?

All right, guys,
listen...

I'm sorry.
I couldn't make it

this morning, because
Debra and I, we just,

you know, we couldn't
get out of bed.

- Oh, for crying out loud.
- No, but listen!

I didn't want to. I was ready
to go. I was ready to go.

We were there,
we were in the kitchen...

All right, Ray, look, we don't need
to hear the details.

I bought new balls and shoes.
He owes me details.

Listen, junior high,
shut up with the details.

It's his wife.

And Ray, sex over golf?
It's your wife!

Here's the pie, Ray.
You guys gonna order,

or you just gonna
color the placemats?

No no no. Don't order
anything, guys.

Look, let me make
it up to you, huh?

Let's have my pizza, huh?

My family's pizza
I give to you.

Free!
Come on, free pizza.

- We're gonna need drinks.
- Yeah.

Yeah yeah, Suzy,
small sodas for everybody.

Come on, guys.
Dig in.

All right.
So...

you had
a busy morning.

Did you remember how to do everything
or did you have to consult the manual?

Hey!

You wanna know something?
You're not gonna believe this.

Third time this week.
That's a Barone record.

Three times?
Get outta here.

- No way.
- Three times.

Tuesday, Thursday, today.

I think you're confusing
sex with showering.

So how come
you're becoming so popular?

I don't know.
Just happening.

What, are you doing something different?
You talking to her more?

Paying more attention
to her?

No.

Maybe it's your technique.

- Have you learned some new moves?
- No.

Moves? What do I got?
I got fast-forward and the stall.

Well, you've got to be
doing something different.

No, although...

the only thing I can
think of,

I got this pulled muscle
in my ribcage, you know?

So lately, everything I do
I'm favoring my left side.

- So?
- I don't know.

Maybe I'm just
like accentuating

some emphasis
at a different angle.

Maybe she just doesn't
want you playing golf.

What do you mean?

Think about it, Ray.
She's jealous.

She hates when you play golf.
She'll do anything to stop it.

Even if it means
having sex with you.

- That's it, he's right!
- No, that's not it.

That's not... what about Tuesday
and Thursday?

That's probably
part of her plan.

I'll have sex with him
Tuesday and Thursday

and he'll be
none the wiser.

Yeah.

Sorry.

That's not it,
all right?

- It's the new action.
- Yeah, right.

Hey Rob, do me a favor,
I might get lucky tonight.

Punch me in the ribs.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What are you doing?

I'm brushing
my teeth.

Oh.

- So, that was a first, huh?
- What's that?

This morning, making me
miss golf like that.

Didn't seem like
you missed it.

Ha!
I didn't, no.

Hey, look,
this morning,

- you weren't just doing that...
- You know what I was thinking?

Why don't you make it up
to the guys tomorrow?

Yeah, all right.

What do you mean?

Go golfing tomorrow.

You... you want me to go
golfing tomorrow?

I mean, you did kind of ruin
their plans today.

You should go golfing.
I'll take the kids to the park.

Oh, you're the best!

# Going golfing tomorrow! #

- I'm gonna go watch the news.
- Okay.

That's the same kiss
from this morning.

Oh?

No...

Why not?

Yes! Why not!

Oh, you're really liking
me a lot this week.

- I'll be in the bedroom.
- Okay, don't start without me.

I won't.

Oh, yeah!

- Hey, what's this thing here?
- What?

This thing with the muscle
man on it.

Oh, that's from my gym.
That's my new aerobics instructor.

Nick Bronson.

Does that guy teach
or does he just model?

No no,
he's really great.

As a matter of fact, I took
his class three times this week.

Three times?

Yeah, Tuesday, Thursday,
and this morning.

So?

Oh.

Yeah, I don't know.

Actually...

my ribs
are bothering me.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How long is the mirror
in your apartment?

Ma is sewing up
my uniform.

Left pant leg got
all shredded on a call.

These damn people
with raccoons as pets!

Never works out.

- So what's going on with you?
- No, you know, nothing.

- Listen, Robert.
- Yeah.

Do you ever...

Do you ever
have a hamburger,

and the whole time
you're eating it

you're imagining
that it's a steak?

I have.
Yes, I have.

Who's this?

That's the steak.

What?

I think this guy is the reason
that I'm having more sex.

But before we go any further
I'd like to put my pants on.

Listen...

that's Debra's
aerobics instructor.

She took his class
three times last week.

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, three times.

Three times she watched
this guy muscle around

and gyrate it up.
Okay, and guess what days?

Oh!

So all this time you're thinking
it's you making her hot.

Turns out she's coming
home preheated.

- It's not funny, Robert.
- No, it is a little funny.

See, only you would think
a rib injury

would turn you
into a love machine.

# And it don't work
for nobody but you. #

I know, all right?
Shut up!

Here, your pants
are holding up my eggs.

Oh, Frank,
I still need to iron these!

Why don't you sew a diaper
in there while you're at it too?

- Raymond, dear, are you hungry?
- No.

No, no, I'm just talking
to Robert.

- What, are you bragging?
- What?

Robert told me about you
and happy hips over there.

Oh, great!
That's just great, Robert.

Sounds like somebody's
trying to earn some jewelry.

Listen, it's none
of my business, but...

I think maybe this
might be Deborah's way

- of trying to compensate.
- How so, Ma?

Well, if you can't cook
in the kitchen...

Okay, goodbye.

You guys are way off.
Look at that.

- What are you...
- Holy crap!

That's Debra's
aerobics instructor.

She watches him flex all around
and then she goes home all inspired.

Why do you do that? Why do you
tell Mom and Dad things like that, huh?

My personal things.
Why why why why?

Brings us closer.

What are you
so upset about?

Sound like Mr. Muscle here
is saving you some prep work.

I don't like that,
Frank.

And I have to say, Raymond,
I think that Debra

is playing a very
dangerous game.

Oh, what are you
talking about?

Who cares where she gets her appetite
as long as she has her meal at home?

Stop stop!

Raymond, you have to get Debra
out of this class right now.

Why? This guy
is helping out!

Maybe Ray doesn't
have what it takes

to get Debra's
motor running.

Raymond's got plenty!

Thank you!

Mom!

Huh!

Hey, this is
a good-looking guy!

What?

He's like a gladiator.

Come on, Robert. You can't
say this isn't a handsome man.

Ma, please.
I really need my pants.

- Hey.
- Hey!

What are you doing here? I thought
you were gonna pick me up at 2:00.

I know, but I thought maybe we could
go out and get something to eat.

Okay, great. But I'm gonna be
another 45 minutes.

- Hey, everybody.
- Hey, Nick!

So who's ready to sweat?

Listen, I think we can go
to Tutto Bene's you know.

But I don't have reservations,
so why don't we just go now?

- No no.
- Hi!

Are you gonna take
the class today?

Maybe.

No, you're not!

Well, there's an extra space
in case you decide to stay.

Mm.

What, you're not
taking the class?

Maybe I will.

- Why, would that ruin it for you?
- No, I mean, I don't care.

You do what you want.

Okay, guys, what do you say
we start with a quick warmup?

Okay, beat steps,
and five, six, seven, eight.

Are we gonna do 40 minutes of this?
Really? Come on.

Ray, would you be quiet.
Why don't you just wait for me outside?

I can't believe
you pay money for this.

You know we got
a flight of stairs at home.

Ray, would you shush?

And grapevines.
Here we go.

- Ow!
- Sorry, sorry.

- You feeling it?
- Yeah!

- I can't hear ya!
- Yeah!

Bring it on!

- What's with you?
- Nothing, I'm in the zone.

Hey, looking good,
Debra, looking good.

Okay, guys, knee lifts.
Ready? Count it down.

And five, six,
seven, eight.

Come on, man.
What's the matter?

Around the world,
here we go.

I'll be in the juice bar.

I guess I'm not
aerobically gifted.

That's okay, a lot of people break
the boombox on their first time out.

Yeah, that's funny.
You wanna have sex?

- What?
- Yeah.

I mean, the kids
aren't home

and the honeymoon suite
is vacant.

Oh!

No, not right now.

Why?

Um, you know, I'm just
not really in the mood right now.

Why, 'cause you missed
the class?

Missed the class? No, I'm just,
you know, not in the mood.

Why?

What, are you seven?

How many times are you
gonna ask me why?

Just until you really
tell me why.

Okay, because the kids
are gonna be home any minute,

I have a sink
full of dishes and l...

why do I have to explain it?
I'm just not in the mood!

How about now?

- Yeah. Huh?
- What?

Are you in the mood
now, huh?

Huh? Kick, one two,
kick, one two.

Kick, one two.

I'm a maniac,
maniac.

- Ah, now I'm in the mood.
- Yeah.

- I know, I know all about it.
- All about what?

Every time you go
to the class

you're getting all turned on
by Hunky Joe, right?

And you come home to me
to put out the fire.

Are you out of your mind?

Looking good, Debra.
Looking good.

What, so...

you're getting all paranoid because we had
a little extra sex last...

Three times!
Three times, right?

You don't think
that's out of the ordinary?

I'm surprised it wasn't
on the news.

So you think
I'm cheating on you

with you?

Put it however you want.
You know what you're doing.

You what? I'm tired. Could you
just call yourself an idiot?

Yeah.

You know I'm right,
right?

How would you like it
if I did that to you?

Oh, please!

What about every year when that
stupid swimsuit issue arrives?

I know I'm not gonna be
getting much sleep that night.

- Why is that, Ray?
- That's not true. That's not true.

Don't try to make
that like this.

What about the naked channel
that you're always trying to check

to see if they forgot
to scramble it?

- That's... I'm not checking it!
- Oh no?

It's on the way
to the Travel Channel.

Who's the one in the bedroom with all the
little character suggestions, huh?

"I'm the stock-boy
and you can't reach the sauce."

Or "Ooh, come to bed
with a limp."

Look, that isn't
the same, all right?

- You can't compare that.
- Why is that?

Because none of those
things are real, okay?

They're all make-believe,
they're games! This guy is real!

He's flesh and blood and sweat
and muscles, okay?

And I don't like it!
I don't like it!

Ray, did it ever occur to you
that taking aerobics classes

makes me feel better
about myself?

Yeah, so if I feel better
about myself,

I feel better about a lot
of other things too.

- Yeah, but that guy...
- That guy teaches class, that's all.

- That's all?
- That's it.

You know, I've seen
good-looking men before.

Where?

All you ever do is complain
about how little sex we have,

and last week we had more than enough
and all it did was make you suspicious.

I don't know.
I'm an idiot, I guess.

My idiot.
Yeah.

There's that kiss again.

How about that?

The kids are gonna
be home in 15 minutes.

Oh, good, then we'll have
time for a nap too.

But what about
the garbage?

- Just leave it.
- Oh, you're dirty!

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You're here again?
- Yeah.

I just... I wanted to bring
Hunky Joe a new boombox.

- He's not teaching class today.
- What?

- Hi, everybody!
- Hey!

Everybody ready to move?

Here we go.

Five, six, seven, eight.

You now, I'm feeling
better about myself.