Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 4, Episode 3 - You Bet - full transcript
Frank uses Ray to win bets on sports.
Hey, powder puff!
That's right,
I'm talking to you.
- What are you doing here?
- I got a rash on my leg.
Oh, well...
and by all means,
touch all our food.
- Here's the ointment, Frank.
- Oh, thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Yeah, Dad,
that's to go.
All right, all right,
all right.
Ooh, you're all wet.
What happened to you?
Yeah, I was in
the Giants' locker room.
I ended up in the shower
with Joe Taggart.
I was doing interviews.
But listen to this:
It's after practice, right,
and everyone's pretty much cleared out,
and I hear the shower still going,
so I look in--
What are you
looking in for?
Nothing. The shower's still going.
It's a waste of water.
Anyway,
it's Joe Taggard
and he's sitting on the floor
with his head down
and the water's
going on him,
- and you know what he says to me?
- "Do my back"?
He tells me
he just found out
that his favorite receiver,
Ricky Friedman,
who also happens
to be his best friend,
- has been with his wife.
- No!
Women.
Right, so you automatically
blame the woman?
- She's cheating on her husband!
- What about the friend?
- He has no responsibility?
- Let me tell you something:
God programmed man
to sow his seed where he may.
He programmed women
to limit the crop to one farmer.
His broad didn't
get with the program.
Maybe she was unhappy.
Did you ever think of that?
He told me
everything seemed fine.
Well, maybe he was out of touch
with her feelings.
Maybe he had
a lot on his mind.
Maybe she needed
somebody to talk to.
Maybe all her talking
was complaining.
Maybe he was
on the road a lot.
Maybe he had to
make a living.
Maybe all he did when he was home
was sit on the couch and watch TV.
When are you
going to learn, Ray?
You can't talk sports
with the wife.
Oh, did you
do that yourself?
They're coming!
Ooh!
- Hey.
- Hey.
Fake skin.
- What's today, Thursday?
- Yeah.
- You want something?
- I just wanted to return this ointment.
Oh, yeah.
How did that work out for you?
Good good.
You didn't come down here
to show me, did you?
No no no.
You know, I was talking to Garvin
and Stan, and they read your column
and they were going on
about how much they liked it.
Oh yeah?
Tell them
I said thanks.
Well, me too.
I mean, I thought
it was good too.
You're a good writer.
Did I ever tell you that?
No.
- You're a good writer.
- Well, thanks.
So, what are you
working on here today?
Oh, nothing.
Just something on Ken Griffey Jr.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah, he's been
in a slum,
so he called his father
to help him with his swing.
- Did you know that he does that?
- Oh yeah?
That's a good father.
Hey, remember how I took you
to the playground there at the school
and I hit fly
balls to you?
Yeah yeah,
I remember that day.
Yeah, I liked that.
Me and you should do
that again sometime.
That is weird.
It was. It was like
he was trying to be
a father or something.
The last couple of days
he's been all pleasant.
Pleasant?
Was he feverish?
Remember that construction worker
in "Ripley's Believe It or Not,"
the guy who got the metal rod
stuck in his brain?
You know, he lived
but his personality changed?
I guess he was suddenly
more irritable.
Yes.
Yes, but with my father,
it's the exact opposite.
All of a sudden
he's nice.
It's weird.
At first it seemed fake,
but then
I don't know.
We were talking
and he was... Iistening.
Yeah.
It was... nice.
I don't know. I liked it.
You know what
I think it might be?
Your father's getting older,
and this is how he's trying to connect.
Frank's not the kind of guy
that would change if you told him to,
but maybe he's come
around to it by himself.
Or there's a rod
in there somewhere.
Ma, I do my own shopping now.
I don't need all this.
I saw your refrigerator
in that apartment.
All right. Now, this is
beef stroganoff
and you eat it
with the noodles.
Ooh, and I got
your favorite!
Steak and macaroni
and ham-and-cheese Alfredo.
All right, Ma.
Well, I appreciate it.
You know, with my schedule,
it's hard to eat healthy.
- Oh, baby.
- No no no, Robby.
That's not for you.
Chicken is for Raymond.
Of course.
Raymond gets the chicken.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Is Dad around?
- No, you just missed him.
- He's on his way to the barber shop.
- Barber?
Why doesn't he just go down
to the bowling alley
and stick his head
in the ball buffer?
Come on, man.
That's a little rough.
- What?
- Listen listen.
Has Dad been acting
different lately?
You know, now that you mention it,
he has been in a very good mood.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
And I notice he hasn't been
quite so cheap.
Like today, he's not
only getting a haircut,
he's also
getting a shave.
I think if you're charging
Dad for a haircut,
you throw in
the shave!
I don't know. Lately, Dad's been
acting different to me,
Iike... nicer.
Yeah?
Typical.
So he hasn't been
acting nicer to you?
That's surprising,
isn't it, Ray?
Robby...
chicken doesn't
go there.
Give me that.
Come on.
And it's not for you.
It's for Raymond.
I'm good.
Raymond, would you get
that for me, please?
- Give me that.
- Raymond said I could have it.
You'd rather throw it
in the garbage than give it to me?
It's the only way
you'll learn.
- Hey!
- Hey, Stan. Hey, Garvin.
Hey, Ray's here!
Ha ha!
Ha ha ha.
Hi, Ray. We got the money
we owe your old man.
- Frank!
- He's not here.
He went to the barber shop
- to get a haircut and a shave.
- How do you like that?
Diamond Jim Brady's
getting the shave too.
I guess we're paying
for that shave.
Ain't tonight your poker night?
Why don't you give it to him then?
- I'm not gambling with him anymore.
- Me neither.
I'd never seen a guy
on such a hot streak.
It's not natural,
it's supernatural.
You know why?
'Cause he's a witch.
That's what he is,
a witch.
- Not a witch, a warlock.
- Nobody says "warlock" anymore.
- They're all witches.
- Okay, guys.
You're telling me
he's a male witch?
You don't say "male witch."
It's like "male nurse."
- Now, they're just nurses.
- I'll see that he gets that.
Then I say he's a witch doctor.
I swear, Ray,
he put some kind of voodoo curse
on Joe Taggard last week.
He kept saying he had this feeling
that Joe Taggard was off his game.
Wait a minute. I thought
you were talking about poker.
No, we've been
betting sports.
Yeah, yesterday your father
takes Seattle over the Yanks,
and Griffey breaks out of his slump
and knocks in a couple of homers.
How cold he know
about Griffey?
Come on, Garvin, let's catch up
to him at the barber shop.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
- I'll see that he gets that.
- That's all right. We'll do it.
No, if you don't mind,
I'd really like to give it to him.
Fine with me!
He's not a gracious winner,
your father.
You know what he is?
He's a witch
who made a pact
with the devil.
He didn't make a pact with the devil,
he is the devil.
Satan!
Beelzebub!
The sanction
of 666!
Hey, nice to see you, Ray.
Say hi to your mom!
I feel like
I'm back in the womb.
1 5 years you've been
coming to me, Frank.
How come you finally
sprung for a shave?
Times are good, Sal.
Times are good.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Ray.
- Sal, this is my son Ray.
- A son?
15 years, you never
told me you had a son!
I got two.
This one's a sports writer,
- a great sports writer.
- Aw, come on, Dad.
Don't be modest.
He's one of the best.
You ever hear
of Ray Barone?
Ray Barone?
You're Ray Barone's father?!
1 5 years, you never
told me your last name!
I didn't want
to bother you.
Stan and Garvin came by
and they wanted me to give you this.
- Ah, thank you.
- Did you win at poker or something?
Something like that.
- Hey, Ray, how about a shave?
- No, I don't think so.
Hey, I know this is not the kind of
highfalutin salon you usually go to.
The Hair Barn?
Come on, we'll talk.
Oh, you want
to talk?
All right, great.
Yeah, let's talk.
- Yeah, my treat.
- Your treat?
In that case,
give me a perm!
A shave
for my boy, Sal.
Dominic!
Customer.
Yeah, sit down
here, Ray.
Yeah!
Yeah.
See?
See, this is nice--
father and son
getting a shave together.
My son won't
even talk to me.
I don't know,
maybe it's that metal bolt
he's got stuck
through his tongue.
That's too bad.
A father should be able
to talk to his son.
- Right, son?
- Right. Right, Dad.
We've been having some good
conversations lately, haven't we?
- We sure have.
- Yeah.
They've been enriching.
Have they been
enriching for you, Dad?
Oh my God!
That's hot!
Hot towel.
What, you got
that sensitive skin?
Yeah, it's sensitive
to fire.
So what are you
working on there today, Ray?
Hockey. Hockey.
The Avalanche,
they're in town
to play the Rangers.
Oh yeah?
The Rangers don't have a chance.
I wouldn't be so sure
about that.
Oh yeah?
Why?
Nobody knows--
You moved.
What, Ray?
Nobody knows what?
Nobody knows about...
Patrick Roy.
- The Avalanche goalie?
- Yeah, he's out. Knee problems.
I think the Rangers
got a pretty good shot.
No kidding?
Thanks, Sal.
Thanks.
I feel like a baby's butt.
What's your hurry, Dad?
What's up?
I got to see
a guy about a thing.
- I thought we were going to talk.
- Here you go, buddy.
And here, this is
for my favorite son!
A father and son,
it's a sacred thing.
What you two got
is beautiful.
Now don't move your head.
This is very sharp, honey.
- So your father's just been using you?
- Yup.
I'm just a tip
sheet to him.
- Yeah!
- What are you laughing at?
I thought Dad
liked you more.
Welcome home!
- Come on, Ally, bed time.
- Daddy, will you tell me a story?
Yeah yeah yeah,
jump on.
Once upon a time,
there was a little boy
who had a very
mean father.
Oh, Robert.
I'm glad you're here.
I think
I figured out
why your father's been
acting so differently.
It all adds up--
I mean,
the pleasantness,
the spending
and the haircut.
He's fooling around.
Fooling around?
Come on.
I'll tell you something, if that weasel thinks
he can stay with me
and keep some chippy
on the side--
- Where's Ray?
- Who is it, Frank?
- Harriet Lickman?!
- Ray!
- Oh, sure sure. You're just a--
- Ray Barone!
- You know, that's a wig she wears!
- Ray!
- Keep it down. The kids are in bed.
- Ray!
- What?
- Mommy!
You're killing me,
Frank!
Hey, Dad.
What, did you come by
to have another chat?
Don't think you can
come crawling back, Frank.
'Cause lips that touched
Harriet Lickman will never touch mine!
Quiet, Marie.
I got to the Lodge tonight,
I turn on the Ranger-Avalanche game.
It's in overtime. Guess who's
playing goalie for the Avalanche?
Why, I believe
that's Patrick Roy.
Does anybody
care about me?
Ma, Dad's not cheating on you.
He's cheating on Ray.
What?
You told me he wasn't
going to play tonight!
I must have got it wrong.
Oops.
- I got a lot of money on this game!
- Money?
Dad, you wouldn't be betting
with information I gave you, would you?
You set me up.
- Yes, sir.
- I'm family.
You never go
against the family.
What family?
You used me!
Coming around here,
being all warm and cuddly,
compliments
out the wazoo.
You just wanted inside information
so you could bet guys at the Lodge!
So you're not having an affair
with Harriet Lickman?
Was there an offer?
See, Ma?
I told you
it was nothing.
Huh...
you would think
I'd be happier.
Come on, Robby.
Dad, if you want,
you can use me for stuff
'cause I wouldn't mind
the occasional compliment--
even if it is
from your wazoo.
Oh, power play.
Dad, your Rangers are in trouble.
- You're going down!
- Damn you!
Come on, you mammy hedges!
Center it, center it!
- Hit him off the puck!
- There it is!
Fleury holds, goes...
- shoots, scores! Rangers win!
- Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
You see this?
This is proof
of God here.
You go against your father,
thou art smited!
I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.
I'll-- I'll split
the money with you!
Come on, you're not
going to say no to 15 grand!
15 grand?!
Okay, 80 bucks.
Don't talk
to me anymore.
What are you
getting so mad about?
We had fun,
didn't we?
We're hanging out, palling around, having
conversations.
Yeah, you what, Dad?
I did have fun.
I thought you were
talking to me like a real father.
There you go.
Good, good. Go.
Hey, you think I like having to do
the hokey-pokey around you
just to get
some information?
I mean, if you weren't
such a Boy Scout,
I could just come
right out and say,
"Ray, who do you like
in the game tonight?"
And then we'd
bet together,
and we'd win together.
And then we'd go to one
of those restaurants
where the girls have the tight tops
and bring you the big burgers.
That's the real
father-and-son stuff!
That's real nice, Dad,
but you know what
I do for a living.
You know I could
never bet with you.
Hence the ruse!
You know,
you're out of line
if you think that I was faking...
the part
about enjoying...
whatever you and me--
and...
if that's how you feel about the betting
stuff, I won't do it anymore,
okay?
What are you doing?
How are the kids?
Yeah, they're good.
And how do the twins like
that new preschool there?
Yeah, they like it.
It's good.
Good!
Okay.
- What?
- I think that was a good start.
- Let's not push it.
- Yeah, okay.
- Maybe we'll do some more tomorrow.
- Let's play it by ear.
Yeah.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
Listen, you know the corner
of Hempstead Turnpike and Uniondale?
Yeah.
There's a new
speed trap there.
Good to know.
- Ray already told me.
- Come on!
God!
That's right,
I'm talking to you.
- What are you doing here?
- I got a rash on my leg.
Oh, well...
and by all means,
touch all our food.
- Here's the ointment, Frank.
- Oh, thanks.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Yeah, Dad,
that's to go.
All right, all right,
all right.
Ooh, you're all wet.
What happened to you?
Yeah, I was in
the Giants' locker room.
I ended up in the shower
with Joe Taggart.
I was doing interviews.
But listen to this:
It's after practice, right,
and everyone's pretty much cleared out,
and I hear the shower still going,
so I look in--
What are you
looking in for?
Nothing. The shower's still going.
It's a waste of water.
Anyway,
it's Joe Taggard
and he's sitting on the floor
with his head down
and the water's
going on him,
- and you know what he says to me?
- "Do my back"?
He tells me
he just found out
that his favorite receiver,
Ricky Friedman,
who also happens
to be his best friend,
- has been with his wife.
- No!
Women.
Right, so you automatically
blame the woman?
- She's cheating on her husband!
- What about the friend?
- He has no responsibility?
- Let me tell you something:
God programmed man
to sow his seed where he may.
He programmed women
to limit the crop to one farmer.
His broad didn't
get with the program.
Maybe she was unhappy.
Did you ever think of that?
He told me
everything seemed fine.
Well, maybe he was out of touch
with her feelings.
Maybe he had
a lot on his mind.
Maybe she needed
somebody to talk to.
Maybe all her talking
was complaining.
Maybe he was
on the road a lot.
Maybe he had to
make a living.
Maybe all he did when he was home
was sit on the couch and watch TV.
When are you
going to learn, Ray?
You can't talk sports
with the wife.
Oh, did you
do that yourself?
They're coming!
Ooh!
- Hey.
- Hey.
Fake skin.
- What's today, Thursday?
- Yeah.
- You want something?
- I just wanted to return this ointment.
Oh, yeah.
How did that work out for you?
Good good.
You didn't come down here
to show me, did you?
No no no.
You know, I was talking to Garvin
and Stan, and they read your column
and they were going on
about how much they liked it.
Oh yeah?
Tell them
I said thanks.
Well, me too.
I mean, I thought
it was good too.
You're a good writer.
Did I ever tell you that?
No.
- You're a good writer.
- Well, thanks.
So, what are you
working on here today?
Oh, nothing.
Just something on Ken Griffey Jr.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah, he's been
in a slum,
so he called his father
to help him with his swing.
- Did you know that he does that?
- Oh yeah?
That's a good father.
Hey, remember how I took you
to the playground there at the school
and I hit fly
balls to you?
Yeah yeah,
I remember that day.
Yeah, I liked that.
Me and you should do
that again sometime.
That is weird.
It was. It was like
he was trying to be
a father or something.
The last couple of days
he's been all pleasant.
Pleasant?
Was he feverish?
Remember that construction worker
in "Ripley's Believe It or Not,"
the guy who got the metal rod
stuck in his brain?
You know, he lived
but his personality changed?
I guess he was suddenly
more irritable.
Yes.
Yes, but with my father,
it's the exact opposite.
All of a sudden
he's nice.
It's weird.
At first it seemed fake,
but then
I don't know.
We were talking
and he was... Iistening.
Yeah.
It was... nice.
I don't know. I liked it.
You know what
I think it might be?
Your father's getting older,
and this is how he's trying to connect.
Frank's not the kind of guy
that would change if you told him to,
but maybe he's come
around to it by himself.
Or there's a rod
in there somewhere.
Ma, I do my own shopping now.
I don't need all this.
I saw your refrigerator
in that apartment.
All right. Now, this is
beef stroganoff
and you eat it
with the noodles.
Ooh, and I got
your favorite!
Steak and macaroni
and ham-and-cheese Alfredo.
All right, Ma.
Well, I appreciate it.
You know, with my schedule,
it's hard to eat healthy.
- Oh, baby.
- No no no, Robby.
That's not for you.
Chicken is for Raymond.
Of course.
Raymond gets the chicken.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Is Dad around?
- No, you just missed him.
- He's on his way to the barber shop.
- Barber?
Why doesn't he just go down
to the bowling alley
and stick his head
in the ball buffer?
Come on, man.
That's a little rough.
- What?
- Listen listen.
Has Dad been acting
different lately?
You know, now that you mention it,
he has been in a very good mood.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
And I notice he hasn't been
quite so cheap.
Like today, he's not
only getting a haircut,
he's also
getting a shave.
I think if you're charging
Dad for a haircut,
you throw in
the shave!
I don't know. Lately, Dad's been
acting different to me,
Iike... nicer.
Yeah?
Typical.
So he hasn't been
acting nicer to you?
That's surprising,
isn't it, Ray?
Robby...
chicken doesn't
go there.
Give me that.
Come on.
And it's not for you.
It's for Raymond.
I'm good.
Raymond, would you get
that for me, please?
- Give me that.
- Raymond said I could have it.
You'd rather throw it
in the garbage than give it to me?
It's the only way
you'll learn.
- Hey!
- Hey, Stan. Hey, Garvin.
Hey, Ray's here!
Ha ha!
Ha ha ha.
Hi, Ray. We got the money
we owe your old man.
- Frank!
- He's not here.
He went to the barber shop
- to get a haircut and a shave.
- How do you like that?
Diamond Jim Brady's
getting the shave too.
I guess we're paying
for that shave.
Ain't tonight your poker night?
Why don't you give it to him then?
- I'm not gambling with him anymore.
- Me neither.
I'd never seen a guy
on such a hot streak.
It's not natural,
it's supernatural.
You know why?
'Cause he's a witch.
That's what he is,
a witch.
- Not a witch, a warlock.
- Nobody says "warlock" anymore.
- They're all witches.
- Okay, guys.
You're telling me
he's a male witch?
You don't say "male witch."
It's like "male nurse."
- Now, they're just nurses.
- I'll see that he gets that.
Then I say he's a witch doctor.
I swear, Ray,
he put some kind of voodoo curse
on Joe Taggard last week.
He kept saying he had this feeling
that Joe Taggard was off his game.
Wait a minute. I thought
you were talking about poker.
No, we've been
betting sports.
Yeah, yesterday your father
takes Seattle over the Yanks,
and Griffey breaks out of his slump
and knocks in a couple of homers.
How cold he know
about Griffey?
Come on, Garvin, let's catch up
to him at the barber shop.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
- I'll see that he gets that.
- That's all right. We'll do it.
No, if you don't mind,
I'd really like to give it to him.
Fine with me!
He's not a gracious winner,
your father.
You know what he is?
He's a witch
who made a pact
with the devil.
He didn't make a pact with the devil,
he is the devil.
Satan!
Beelzebub!
The sanction
of 666!
Hey, nice to see you, Ray.
Say hi to your mom!
I feel like
I'm back in the womb.
1 5 years you've been
coming to me, Frank.
How come you finally
sprung for a shave?
Times are good, Sal.
Times are good.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Ray.
- Sal, this is my son Ray.
- A son?
15 years, you never
told me you had a son!
I got two.
This one's a sports writer,
- a great sports writer.
- Aw, come on, Dad.
Don't be modest.
He's one of the best.
You ever hear
of Ray Barone?
Ray Barone?
You're Ray Barone's father?!
1 5 years, you never
told me your last name!
I didn't want
to bother you.
Stan and Garvin came by
and they wanted me to give you this.
- Ah, thank you.
- Did you win at poker or something?
Something like that.
- Hey, Ray, how about a shave?
- No, I don't think so.
Hey, I know this is not the kind of
highfalutin salon you usually go to.
The Hair Barn?
Come on, we'll talk.
Oh, you want
to talk?
All right, great.
Yeah, let's talk.
- Yeah, my treat.
- Your treat?
In that case,
give me a perm!
A shave
for my boy, Sal.
Dominic!
Customer.
Yeah, sit down
here, Ray.
Yeah!
Yeah.
See?
See, this is nice--
father and son
getting a shave together.
My son won't
even talk to me.
I don't know,
maybe it's that metal bolt
he's got stuck
through his tongue.
That's too bad.
A father should be able
to talk to his son.
- Right, son?
- Right. Right, Dad.
We've been having some good
conversations lately, haven't we?
- We sure have.
- Yeah.
They've been enriching.
Have they been
enriching for you, Dad?
Oh my God!
That's hot!
Hot towel.
What, you got
that sensitive skin?
Yeah, it's sensitive
to fire.
So what are you
working on there today, Ray?
Hockey. Hockey.
The Avalanche,
they're in town
to play the Rangers.
Oh yeah?
The Rangers don't have a chance.
I wouldn't be so sure
about that.
Oh yeah?
Why?
Nobody knows--
You moved.
What, Ray?
Nobody knows what?
Nobody knows about...
Patrick Roy.
- The Avalanche goalie?
- Yeah, he's out. Knee problems.
I think the Rangers
got a pretty good shot.
No kidding?
Thanks, Sal.
Thanks.
I feel like a baby's butt.
What's your hurry, Dad?
What's up?
I got to see
a guy about a thing.
- I thought we were going to talk.
- Here you go, buddy.
And here, this is
for my favorite son!
A father and son,
it's a sacred thing.
What you two got
is beautiful.
Now don't move your head.
This is very sharp, honey.
- So your father's just been using you?
- Yup.
I'm just a tip
sheet to him.
- Yeah!
- What are you laughing at?
I thought Dad
liked you more.
Welcome home!
- Come on, Ally, bed time.
- Daddy, will you tell me a story?
Yeah yeah yeah,
jump on.
Once upon a time,
there was a little boy
who had a very
mean father.
Oh, Robert.
I'm glad you're here.
I think
I figured out
why your father's been
acting so differently.
It all adds up--
I mean,
the pleasantness,
the spending
and the haircut.
He's fooling around.
Fooling around?
Come on.
I'll tell you something, if that weasel thinks
he can stay with me
and keep some chippy
on the side--
- Where's Ray?
- Who is it, Frank?
- Harriet Lickman?!
- Ray!
- Oh, sure sure. You're just a--
- Ray Barone!
- You know, that's a wig she wears!
- Ray!
- Keep it down. The kids are in bed.
- Ray!
- What?
- Mommy!
You're killing me,
Frank!
Hey, Dad.
What, did you come by
to have another chat?
Don't think you can
come crawling back, Frank.
'Cause lips that touched
Harriet Lickman will never touch mine!
Quiet, Marie.
I got to the Lodge tonight,
I turn on the Ranger-Avalanche game.
It's in overtime. Guess who's
playing goalie for the Avalanche?
Why, I believe
that's Patrick Roy.
Does anybody
care about me?
Ma, Dad's not cheating on you.
He's cheating on Ray.
What?
You told me he wasn't
going to play tonight!
I must have got it wrong.
Oops.
- I got a lot of money on this game!
- Money?
Dad, you wouldn't be betting
with information I gave you, would you?
You set me up.
- Yes, sir.
- I'm family.
You never go
against the family.
What family?
You used me!
Coming around here,
being all warm and cuddly,
compliments
out the wazoo.
You just wanted inside information
so you could bet guys at the Lodge!
So you're not having an affair
with Harriet Lickman?
Was there an offer?
See, Ma?
I told you
it was nothing.
Huh...
you would think
I'd be happier.
Come on, Robby.
Dad, if you want,
you can use me for stuff
'cause I wouldn't mind
the occasional compliment--
even if it is
from your wazoo.
Oh, power play.
Dad, your Rangers are in trouble.
- You're going down!
- Damn you!
Come on, you mammy hedges!
Center it, center it!
- Hit him off the puck!
- There it is!
Fleury holds, goes...
- shoots, scores! Rangers win!
- Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
You see this?
This is proof
of God here.
You go against your father,
thou art smited!
I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.
I'll-- I'll split
the money with you!
Come on, you're not
going to say no to 15 grand!
15 grand?!
Okay, 80 bucks.
Don't talk
to me anymore.
What are you
getting so mad about?
We had fun,
didn't we?
We're hanging out, palling around, having
conversations.
Yeah, you what, Dad?
I did have fun.
I thought you were
talking to me like a real father.
There you go.
Good, good. Go.
Hey, you think I like having to do
the hokey-pokey around you
just to get
some information?
I mean, if you weren't
such a Boy Scout,
I could just come
right out and say,
"Ray, who do you like
in the game tonight?"
And then we'd
bet together,
and we'd win together.
And then we'd go to one
of those restaurants
where the girls have the tight tops
and bring you the big burgers.
That's the real
father-and-son stuff!
That's real nice, Dad,
but you know what
I do for a living.
You know I could
never bet with you.
Hence the ruse!
You know,
you're out of line
if you think that I was faking...
the part
about enjoying...
whatever you and me--
and...
if that's how you feel about the betting
stuff, I won't do it anymore,
okay?
What are you doing?
How are the kids?
Yeah, they're good.
And how do the twins like
that new preschool there?
Yeah, they like it.
It's good.
Good!
Okay.
- What?
- I think that was a good start.
- Let's not push it.
- Yeah, okay.
- Maybe we'll do some more tomorrow.
- Let's play it by ear.
Yeah.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
Listen, you know the corner
of Hempstead Turnpike and Uniondale?
Yeah.
There's a new
speed trap there.
Good to know.
- Ray already told me.
- Come on!
God!