Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 4, Episode 18 - Debra Makes Something Good - full transcript

For once, Debra makes a good meal, but it drives Marie crazy.

Hey, twins are
asleep already?

I thought you were gonna
read them a story.

I did, but I put on
my boring voice, you know?

"And he huffed and puffed
and blew the house down."

Yeah, what
a difference.

- Here.
- What? What is it?

It's braciole,
you know, stuffed beef.

Really? Braciole?
Who made it?

I did.

Just try it.

- You're not having any?
- No, I had some--



you know, with the kids,
I had some with the kids.

Oh.
How are you feeling?

It's not poisoned, Ray. If I wanted
to kill you, I wouldn't do it that way.

All right,
that goes in the file.

Hey!

- Good?
- Yeah!

Yeah, good.

Even better
the second time

now that my tongue's
not scared.

- Mmm, man, this is great.
- Yeah, you really like it?

It's good.
I really do. Let me at it.

Oh, that's--
I'm so happy!

Oh, look,
you're sitting down!

Ooh!



- I did it, huh? I really did it!
- Mommy!

Yeah, honey, I'll be up
in just a second.

Okay, I'm gonna get
Ally out of the bath.

- There's a lot more on the stove here.
- Not for long.

Mmm...

One, two, three,
four, five.

I'm in the conservatory,

and I'd like to call on Mrs. Peacock
with the lead pipe.

I was just one away
from the library, Frank.

You're just
picking on me.

Tough crap, Peacock.

Get your tail-feathers
in the conservatory.

- Hey.
- Oh hi, dear.

We're playing Clue.

It's keeping
Robert's mind sharp

for when he's
a policeman again.

Yeah, Ray, there's been a wave
of candlestick murders in the Bronx.

Yeah.
Hey, try this.

- What is it?
- Braciole.

- Braciole?
- I'm in.

- Who made it?
- Debra.

I'm out.

Here, Ray, I'll try
Debra's braciole.

I'm filled
with antibiotics.

Mmm!

Yeah?
Gimme gimme.

- Geez, oh Lou!
- See?

So it is good. It's not just me
coming off airline food.

It's amazing.
I mean, that is amazing.

Are you sure
your Debra made this?

I know, I couldn't
believe it either.

- She came up with some recipe.
- Recipe?

- Yeah, what?
- Real cooks don't need recipes.

We know how to add
love and caring

because there's no greater joy
than feeding our--

Frank,
you're a pig.

Stop moaning!

So Debra can
now cook.

The missing color
in the Raymond rainbow.

Ah ha ha ha ha!

You should ask Debra
how she makes this.

I should ask Debra?

I should ask Debra?

Gimme that!

This food has
magical powers.

I'm gonna string some
of this around my neck.

- Hello.
- Hey, Andy.

Hey, Deb,
is Ray here?

No, he's not home.
No, he's not home yet.

Hey, you hungry?

Oh, sure, I could
always go for something.

I made some braciole.
Taste it.

Oh, you made--
Uh...

No no no,
I'm actually--

I'm in training.

I'm in training
for a running thing.

- Come on.
- No, no really.

And I'vegone kosher.

I'm in a Jewish
marathon.

Okay...

Try it, okay?
One bite, one bite.

That's it.
One.

Run away with me.

Really, you like it?

Oh my God,
it's fantastic!

- Mmm, Debra!
- Yeah?

It's great!

I don't know what
Ray's talking about.

What do you mean,
"talking about"?

Nothing, he was just
trying to be funny at work.

Funny?
About this?

Was he making fun
of my braciole?

No, he was not.

Wait, Andy. Andy, he told me
he loved my braciole.

What did he say
to you about it?

Did I ever show you how
I can wiggle my ears? Look at this--

Andy, Andy.
What did he say about the braciole?

- I did not find it funny.
- Andy!

He said it was ltalian
for "road kill."

Please don't hurt me.

"Road kill"?

He was just kidding around
like he always does.

He always does this?

No no...

Listen, I had some
TheraFlu earlier.

And then I realized
I do not even have the flu,

so I'm really flying,
whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Hey. Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Hey, hey, here's your stats,
all right?

From now on, you get them
on your own. I'm tired of this.

Are you sleeping with Andy?
'Cause you can do better.

- That's funny.
- Yeah.

Hey, what
smells good?

Oh, I made braciole again.
You know, 'cause you liked it so much.

Yes, I do!

All the colors
in the rainbow!

Oh, that smells good.

# Debra made
something good! #

# Mwah mwah
mwah mwah mwah #

# Raymond really
likes it #

#Yeah-hah#

# You ain't got to
make nothing else #

# Butthatbraciole#

# Hoo-hah hoo-hah hoo!#

# I could eatthisstuff#

# Until I losecontro-ol#

# Wack-ha wacka-wa
ha-hah... #

#Wacka-hah...#

Here's a little sauce
for your road kill.

#Hoo...#

# Woo... #

#What? #

You could have just said,
"Please don't sing."

Food here is good. I might have
a comment about the service.

Is that what you do at work?
You make fun of me all day?

What?
No, is that what Andy said?

Oh, why the hell
would he say that?

I don't know but he actually
loved my braciole.

I love your braciole!

Come on, it's the best thing
you ever made!

Oh baloney! How come you told
everybody it was road kill?

- That's a joke.
- Oh no, it's not.

Of course it is!
I was just kidding.

Come on, you see
how much I love it.

I could use
a towel.

Hello, Debra.

- What is it, Frank?
- Nothing, dear.

I was just wondering if there was any
of your delicious braciole left.

Oh, these are for you.

Oh, Dad, not now,
please, all right?

Hey, you got
a little spot there.

I'm telling you, Debra,
that stuff you made is so great,

I woke up
thinking about it.

Is anybody
eating this?

No, Frank. You know what?
You can have it.

At least someone
appreciates it.

- Hey, I appreciate it--
- Thank you for the flowers, Frank.

Anyone who can make braciole
like this deserves a whole hillside

full of heavenly-scented marigolds
and daffodils.

I happen to agree
with him--

That's very sweet,
Frank.

That's the nicest thing anybody's
said to me in quite some time.

Would you like
something to drink?

No, I don't want
to dilute the flavor.

Please sit down.

You should be resting
with your feet up.

Thank you, Frank.

- All right, come on.
- What's the matter, Ray?

Is it so weird that I'm being
appreciated instead of mocked?

- Is that how I raised you?
- Yeah, okay, Dad.

Mmm, this is
so delicious.

You really
got it, kid.

Do you really think so?

There's just like a sweetness to it.
How do you do that?

Well you know, some people
use raisins, but I had some currants.

- This is a beautiful thing.
- Thank you, Frank.

I thought you were
taking a bath.

I was.
I finished.

Oh.

How was it?

It was fine, Frank.
Thank you for making it for me.

You haven't made a bath
for me in 35 years.

Uh, you seemed
to need it.

Listen, Marie,
this is not what it looks like.

I'm not talking
to you.

I do have a question
for Debra, however:

What have I done that you
feel the need to destroy me?

What?

Who told you
about braciole?

Nobody.
I found a recipe in a magazine.

You found a recipe?
Oh, you're a cook now!

- Frank never mentioned braciole to you?
- No.

- No.
- No, I didn't say a thing, Marie--

Quiet.

Frank never told you
that braciole

was the very first thing
I ever cooked for him?

Oh, boy.

- No, I didn't know that.
- You didn't know that?

Do you know
what he said to me

when he tasted
my braciole in 1955?

He said,
"Be my bride."

- Marie, come on.
- "Be my bride," Frank.

"Be my bride."

But it's very clear now
that you'll go to any girl with a pot.

You hardly make it
for me anymore!

'Cause I didn't want
you to get sick of it.

I'm 64 years old.

What are you
saving it for?

Marie, I'm sorry.
I didn't know it was your special dish.

Don't you have other
household things

that you need
to take care of like--

Iike the laundry?

Raymond, give me those pants.

- I'll wash them.
- It's okay, Mom.

No, I'm washing those
pants for you, damn it!

- Mom--
- Take off your pants!

Could we turn
the heat up?

What do you want me
to say, Marie?

"I'm sorry
I made braciole"?

This is insane!
I never would have made the stuff

if I thought it was gonna
turn everybody's world upside-down.

Hey, Ma, I have nothing
to eat over there.

You said you were
making me dinner.

I don't cook anymore.

Robert, how much does Ray
make fun of my cooking?

Don't look at him.

Don't you look
at him, Robert!

- He's not wearing pants--
- Answer me!

I know he makes fun
of my cooking.

I want to know how much of it goes on
behind my back.

He makes fun of it
all the time, dear.

That is not true!

That's not
completely true, Debra!

I love your braciole
and I am not lying today.

Is that why you're making fun of it,
making jokes about it at work?

You make jokes
about this food?

- Have you no decency?
- Oh stop. Come on, Dad!

It's just--
You know, it's just...

wife jokes,
that's all.

It's something you do when, you know,
when you're with the guys.

- I never.
- Oh, what are you talking about?

Like you don't
make jokes.

First of all, if I have anything
to say about your mother,

I'm not afraid to say it
right to her face.

Second of all,
those are not jokes.

Yesterday you called me
an old bag.

If that's a joke,
then it's on me.

Right in front of her!

Actually, not to defend Raymond,
that is a guy thing, Debra.

I've often found that men
use the wife joke to, uh,

form bonds and share
common experiences.

Am I sitting
in sauce?

Yes,
Robert.

Good.
I was afraid I popped a stitch.

Robert, come on.
Take off those pants.

- What?
- Take them off!

- Well, what do you--
- I get those pants!

Don't fight it, man,
don't fight it.

Come on, let's go home,
I'll clean you up.

All right.

Thanks, Ma.

- Are you coming or not?
- Of course I'm coming.

You're my wife.
I belong with you.

I'm coming.

I'll call you.

I'm gonna go
freshen up.

Ray, can I talk
to you?

Yeah, all right,
but...

I'm a little
chilly.

Why do you have to
make wife jokes?

I don't do that.
I don't make husband jokes.

Are you telling me that you don't go
out with Amy and Linda

and make fun of all
the stupid things I do, you know?

You don't talk about
the way my lips move when I read

or you caught me biting
my toenail that one time

or or or that--

No, I don't. In fact, I try to spin it
in the other direction.

Linda thinks you
have a master's.

Master's?

Degree.
Master's degree, Ray.

This is what I don't
understand.

You're always making fun
of my cooking,

but I finally
make something you like

and you're still making
jokes about it. Why?

I'm a complicated
person.

Oh, come on, it's just...
that's who I am.

I make fun of
the wife a little.

"Oh here's Ray--
Ray, what did she do to you last night?"

And if I say, "She made some braciole
and it was quite tasty,"

wha-- who wants
to hang out with that guy?

But don't you think that
there's something wrong

that the only way you
can be popular is at my expense?

I wish there was
another way.

All right...

Aw, come on.

I'm kidding.

Hey look, we know
the score here.

You got it
all over me, right?

You're the pretty, smart,
together, good one.

I'm the one they say,
"How did he get her?"

So I don't know,
maybe in my stupid way,

I'm telling them how.

You know,
"She can't cook. Ha ha."

Ah ha ha ha ha.

What?

It could be worse. You know Chuck
Wilson? You know what he told me?

He said his wife is so cold,
when he gets into bed with her,

he has to shoo away
the penguins.

Shoo away
the penguins.

That's cold.
Wilson's wife.

And yet...

I don't think
any less of her.

I don't care what the other guys
think about me.

I care what you
think about me.

I'm not gonna make
jokes anymore.

Thank you.

Are you still
gonna cook for me?

Yes.

Wanna take
your pants off?

No.

Okay, then can l
have more sauce?

Aw, comeon.

Come on...

Hey. What are
you doing?

I'm having some tea.

- Didn't make any dinner?
- Yes, tea.

Oh.

And what did Debra
make tonight?

Lasagna.

It's over.

What?

I think that braciole
is all she can make.

Listen, Marie,
I learned something.

A man needs more
than braciole.

Aman needs...

chicken,

veal, eggplant parmesan.

Manicotti?

Yes, manicotti.

Oh, Frank!

- And Frank?
- Yes?

We'll never speak
of this again.