Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 4, Episode 16 - The Tenth Anniversary - full transcript
Ray accidentally tapes football over his wedding, which results in Debra being really mad.
- That was really
a great dinner, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
Happy anniversary.
Hey, you know what
I was thinking?
- Hmm?
- Since this is
our tenth anniversary,
Why don't we let
the kids stay
At grandma's
and grandpa's all night,
If you know what I mean?
- Hey, hey, we could watch
our wedding video.
- I guess you don't know
what I mean.
- No.
Come on.
- Why?
Why? Why?
- Well, for one thing,
watching our wedding video
Might make tonight
seem like our honeymoon.
- Gimme.
Sit down.
You don't know how
to use this.
You never did, really.
Can we fast-forward
Through the chicken dance,
please?
Unless this turns you on...
[mumbles "chicken dance"]
- You can save that
for later.
- Hmm.
- Oh.
Oh, see, I love this.
Isn't this romantic?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right.
- Oh, look who I get.
- Oh.
What, did you
hit something?
Did you hit something?
- No, no,
it's still going.
- Then why am I
seeing football?
- I--I don't know.
- Where did our wedding go?
- Well, something
must be wrong here.
- Oh, my god.
You taped football
over my wedding.
- All right, please--
- what did you do, ray?
What the hell
did you do?
- No.
Come on,
don't get excited.
- What? It's football.
It's still football, ray.
- Yeah, but it's
the bills-giants super bowl.
- I don't care.
You give me that.
Oh, my god.
Look at this.
My god,
it's the whole thing, ray.
- Oh, right. Oh, yeah.
The kids tape football, ray.
The last thing they put
in the vcr was lemon chicken.
- See, I'd never do that,
Because I love your
lemon chicken--
I want my wedding.
This is football.
- No, you give me
my wedding back.
I guess the tape
wasn't marked correctly.
- Oh, the tape wasn't
marked correctly?
You don't think that tape
was marked correctly?
What is this big white label
that says,
"our wedding"
in gold trim?
- Did it always
say that?
- Why would you use
this tape?
I don't know.
The game was nine years ago.
Maybe, you know,
the guys might have been over,
Somebody said, "hey,
you should be taping this."
And you know me,
I was just trying
to be a good host.
I said, "hey, that's a good
idea, someone else."
Hey, you know something,
I have an idea.
Next time, if you have
something on tape
That you like
and you want to save it,
You--you see this--
you see the tab right there?
You just pop it out;
you pop the tab out.
And then--then
the machine knows,
"oh, you must
really like that.
I won't tape over it.
I won't."
You just pop it out.
You pop the tab out.
[sighs]
Okay, ten years.
That's enough.
- Raymond.
- Oh, good morning.
- Everything all right,
dear?
- Yeah, yeah, just--
The anniversary was so exciting,
you know,
I--I needed a break.
That's all.
- Eggs, marie.
Scrambled.
And they've been looking
a little pale lately.
Stop holding back on the yolks.
- I'm not holding back.
- I'm on to you.
Daddy wants his yolks.
- You get every yolk,
frank.
What possible reason would I
have for prolonging your life?
- Is robert up yet?
- You mean hopalong?
- He was gored by a bull,
frank.
He can't help it.
- When is he going to get rid
of that walker?
I mean, I got stuck behind him
twice today:
The stairs and the bathroom.
- Thanks for shoving past me
on the steps, dad.
- You were in the the fast lane.
Get over to the right.
- Robert, did you find him?
- Bad news, ray.
The guy's in prison.
- Prison?
- Who? Who's in prison?
- James lemus, the guy
who videoed ray's wedding.
He went from doing
wedding videos
To honeymoon videos
Without the consent
of the honeymooners.
- What about his old tapes?
I got to get my original.
- All gone, raymond,
impounded and destroyed.
- Okay, then.
Mom, can I live here?
- Of course you can, dear.
What did debra do?
- She's having a bad reaction
To me accidentally taping
over our wedding video.
- Oh, my god.
- Holy crap.
- I don't understand.
What would you tape
over your wedding?
- Football.
- Sports?
Sports?
- It was the super bowl, ma.
- It doesn't matter
if it was a super-duper bowl.
It's still sports.
- I know.
- Hey, good work, ray.
Now when some broad
starts yapping...
[in high voice]
"you're never romantic,"
Guys everywhere can say,
"hey, you think I'm bad?
At least I didn't pull
a ray barone."
- I must say,
I'm surprised, raymond.
You're not usually
so thoughtless
And inconsiderate.
He gets this
from you, frank.
- At least I didn't pull
a ray barone.
- All right.
I'll see you.
- Where are you going?
- I don't know.
Maybe walk by the river.
- You have to make this right,
raymond.
- Well, the tape's gone, ma.
What do you want me to do,
Staple our wedding photos
together
And make a flip book?
- Well, I'll tell you
what I would like
If I were debra.
- I'd like it
if you were debra.
- Oh, frank.
- What, what?
Tell me, ma, what?
- Renew your wedding vows.
- Yeah, and then you can
videotape that.
That's a great idea, ma.
That's just like what
my civil war buddies do.
- What your civil war buddies do
is get drunk and pee outside.
- You know what
the southerners do?
- Oh, stop it, frank.
We're talking about
a beautiful thing,
A wedding,
A renewal of commitment
and love, frank.
Love.
You understand love?
- By all means, ray,
hurry up and renew this.
- I don't know, ma.
It all seems kind of--
- You have taken
debra's wedding away.
And no matter what people
may say about her,
She's still a woman.
And you don't take that away
from a woman.
The only thing you need
to worry about
Is if she ever forgives you
for what you've done.
- But I--I guess
she'll like it,
But I don't know anything
about this renewal stuff.
- Leave it all to me.
I'll handle
all the arrangements.
- Yeah?
- Yes, I would do that.
- Okay, all right.
- Oh, uh, marie,
I would like to renew
my breakfast order:
Eggs!
- Oh, good.
I'm glad you're up.
I got some good news,
and I got some bad news.
The bad news is that
if you like being mad at me,
You're out of luck,
m'lady.
The good news is,
I couldn't get
the tape back,
Which I know sounds
like bad news
But actually is good news,
Because if
that tape existed,
We wouldn't be able
to get married again.
- What are you doing?
- I've been thinking
about it all night.
Let's renew our vows.
- Look, I took your wedding
away from you,
And--and--and I know
you're a woman,
And you don't take that
away from a woman.
So let me give it
back to you.
- You know,
just forget it, ray.
The tape is gone.
I'll get over it.
- I know you will,
but this will be faster.
Come on, let's do this.
I feel bad.
I was thoughtless
and--and careless,
And I want to
make it up to you.
And it's our tenth anniversary.
We should do
something special.
We'll invite friends over,
we'll get dressed up,
Have music and flowers,
And--oh, you won't have
to do a thing.
And--and a priest,
we'll get one of those.
And we'll write new vows.
Then we'll videotape those,
And we'll pop the tab out
of that right away.
I just want to do this,
because...
Because.
I had a good idea?
- It's wonderful, ray.
I mean, you would really
get up in front of people
And recite new vows for me?
- Sure. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, this is good.
I'm so glad
you're happy.
- But you know what?
I just thought of something.
- Your mom's gonna want
to plan the whole thing.
- And that would be bad?
- Ray.
- Yeah, I know.
It's bad. It's bad.
- So you're doin' this
all yourself, huh, ray?
- Yeah, yeah,
debra wants me to.
It doesn't count
unless I go through hell.
Stupid.
Stupid renewal.
- So what do you got so far?
- Uh, I'm working
on a motif.
- Oh, motif.
How fancy.
- Yeah, they talk
about it in here.
- Where'd you get all these
wedding magazines?
- From the newsstand.
It was so embarrassing.
I had to buy some porn
just to even it out.
- "the best weddings
have a centralized theme."
Hey, you know
what would be great?
Cupid.
- Cupid?
- Yeah, yeah,
it's a little naked angel.
You know.
He shoots you.
Ah, it's cute.
- That's a horrible motif.
- What?
It's perfect.
He can be flying
around the room.
Hey, you know
what you could do?
You could
dress up the twins.
Put little wings
on their back.
They'd come by--
- all right, stop it.
No.
It's not gonna be cupid.
That's lame.
- All right, so what's
your brilliant idea?
- An english garden.
- English garden?
- That's right, yeah.
- Whoo, whoo.
Hey.
Party.
English garden.
- Hey, it's classy,
you neanderthal.
"it brings sophistication
and elegance to any party."
Okay?
Yeah, what does cupid bring?
A bow and arrow
and a bare ass.
- Okay, great.
- It goes with my whole idea
of a Sunday tea.
- What do you mean, tea?
There's no dinner?
- No, it's a tea.
That's it.
There's gonna be hors d'oeuvres.
- Okay, so your motif
really is,
"I'm a cheap bastard."
- Hey, come on,
let's go.
- Put the game on.
It's almost time.
- Hey, you're another two.
Did you get an invitation?
- Yeah, yeah,
I got it.
- So, robert,
how's your ass?
- Upper thigh.
- [laughs]
upper thigh, sure.
- Yeah, yeah.
Never mind that.
Never mind.
Are you comin'?
- If I have to.
- Yes, you have to.
- Why don't you renew
the bachelor party?
- You're coming.
- Is there food?
- Hors d'oeuvres.
- Hors d'oeuvres? I'm out.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Some hors d'oeuvres
are good.
- Well, a couple things,
you know, like, uh...
Those chicken-on-a-stick
things.
- Ooh, satay.
- Hey, ray, can we get
those stuffed mushrooms?
- I don't know.
You like those?
- You got 'em,
I'll eat 'em.
- What about for those of us
who have a bit of a sweet tooth?
- And a bit
of a fat stomach?
- I'm trying--
I'm gonna go with
These chocolate-dipped
strawberries.
- Chocolate
and strawberry.
That's an excellent
flavor combo.
- Oh, my god.
The strawberries wearing
the little tuxedo shirts.
- Come on, really?
They don't do that.
- Sure they do.
It's dark chocolate
all around, right?
With a white-chocolate front
And little buttons
and a bowtie.
- Really?
- That's adorable.
- Why don't you three dip
each other in chocolate?
What about, like,
a little chocolate top hat?
- Like chocolate clothing.
- Excellent, yes.
Or what if we use
a different berry?
- How about a kiwi?
All: Yeah.
- Raymond, what is this?
- Hey, I need that.
- What is this?
It looks like an invitation
to your renewal ceremony.
- Yes, that's what it is.
- I thought I was supposed
to take care
Of all of this, raymond.
- So is that your rsvp?
[playing "close to you"]
- Hey, gerard.
Gerard, you know anything else?
[plays "smoke on the water"]
Okay, stop.
Go back to the other one.
The other one's better.
[plays "close to you"]
- Ray, ray.
Ray.
Ray, did you see this?
Did you see
the strawberries?
They have regular ties
instead of bowties.
- Yes, I know.
That's what I ordered.
- Well, nobody told me.
- [laughs]
hi.
Frank, make way
for my lasagna.
- No, no.
Mom, I don't--
I don't need lasagna.
Please.
I have hors d'oeuvres.
- Well, then why don't
I just kill myself?
- And then--then--
where's the florist?
I ordered lilies
of the valley.
I don't see any
lilies of the valley.
- I see a pansy
of the family.
- Ha-ha, funny.
Come on, stop.
- Raymond, you really have done
a wonderful job.
- Thank you,
father hubley.
- Looks like a lot of work.
You must have really screwed up.
- Oh, it's pretty.
- Yeah, can you believe
daddy pulled this off
All by himself?
- Hmm.
Yes, I did.
- All right, everybody,
shall we get started?
[gerard plays "close to you"]
- That's enough, gerard.
- I would like
to welcome all of you
To raymond and debra's
beautiful home.
- [giggles]
- We are gathered here today
To witness a renewal
of love and commitment
Between husband and wife.
And in our presence
and in the sight of god,
They will now share vows
they each have written.
- Go ahead, raymond.
- Ladies first.
- All right.
Debra?
- Okay.
Um, well, when--
when ray first came to me
With this idea,
I was very touched.
I'm really glad to have
this chance to tell people
How I feel about you.
- Oh, boy.
- I don't know how well
I've always lived up
To my vow to love, honor,
and cherish you.
So just in case
I haven't always shown it,
I want you
to know that I do.
With all my heart, I do.
And I want to add
something else to that list.
[clears throat]
all right.
- And that is to thank you.
For the kids,
for your love,
For our life together,
I thank you.
- Raymond.
- Um...
You're welcome.
- Your vows,
raymond.
- I am so happy to be here
on this occasion.
Love is in the air.
Today I consider myself...
The luckiest man...
On the face
of the earth.
Okay, I forgot
the vows.
But that doesn't mean
that I don't care about you
Because of that,
and--and because
I taped football
over our wedding video.
- You taped football
over your wedding video?
- Yes, I made a mistake.
- You said you were going
to recite vows to me.
- Okay, I know.
I know,
but we had your vows,
And, oh, they
were beautiful.
And--and I didn't really
hear 'em all,
Because I was in my head going
"idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot."
But--but, you know, luckily,
robert videotaped 'em,
And we can
enjoy 'em later.
- You never told me
to tape it.
- Okay, but, but, but--
Honey, look at all
the decorating
That I did here.
I--there's
stuffed mushrooms here,
And, see, look,
there's flowers everywhere,
And there were supposed to be
lilies of the valley here.
But the napkins,
they match the tablecloth.
I did that.
All right.
I'm sorry.
- Lilies of the valley?
- Yeah, that's your
favorite flower, right?
- You remembered?
But the damn florist,
he didn't bring it.
- You remembered
my flower.
- Kiss the bride.
Kiss her.
Kiss her now.
[applause]
By the way,
if I may ask...
What game was it?
- It was the '91 super bowl.
Bills and giants.
- Oh, good game,
good game.
- I know, I know.
I still have it on tape.
But we're not--
that's not why we're here.
We're not here for that.
- I'm so excited.
The famous last-second
field goal.
Even though I know what happens,
I'm so excited.
- Keep it down,
my friend.
Keep it down.
- This was the greatest moment
of my life.
- Shut up.
Here it comes.
- I do.
- Oh.
- Why am I watching a wedding?
Bring back
my super bowl.
[together]
come on.
- He missed it,
all right?
We know he missed it.
Hey, we know what happens,
all right?
- I forgot.
- We know how this ends.
a great dinner, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
Happy anniversary.
Hey, you know what
I was thinking?
- Hmm?
- Since this is
our tenth anniversary,
Why don't we let
the kids stay
At grandma's
and grandpa's all night,
If you know what I mean?
- Hey, hey, we could watch
our wedding video.
- I guess you don't know
what I mean.
- No.
Come on.
- Why?
Why? Why?
- Well, for one thing,
watching our wedding video
Might make tonight
seem like our honeymoon.
- Gimme.
Sit down.
You don't know how
to use this.
You never did, really.
Can we fast-forward
Through the chicken dance,
please?
Unless this turns you on...
[mumbles "chicken dance"]
- You can save that
for later.
- Hmm.
- Oh.
Oh, see, I love this.
Isn't this romantic?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Right.
- Oh, look who I get.
- Oh.
What, did you
hit something?
Did you hit something?
- No, no,
it's still going.
- Then why am I
seeing football?
- I--I don't know.
- Where did our wedding go?
- Well, something
must be wrong here.
- Oh, my god.
You taped football
over my wedding.
- All right, please--
- what did you do, ray?
What the hell
did you do?
- No.
Come on,
don't get excited.
- What? It's football.
It's still football, ray.
- Yeah, but it's
the bills-giants super bowl.
- I don't care.
You give me that.
Oh, my god.
Look at this.
My god,
it's the whole thing, ray.
- Oh, right. Oh, yeah.
The kids tape football, ray.
The last thing they put
in the vcr was lemon chicken.
- See, I'd never do that,
Because I love your
lemon chicken--
I want my wedding.
This is football.
- No, you give me
my wedding back.
I guess the tape
wasn't marked correctly.
- Oh, the tape wasn't
marked correctly?
You don't think that tape
was marked correctly?
What is this big white label
that says,
"our wedding"
in gold trim?
- Did it always
say that?
- Why would you use
this tape?
I don't know.
The game was nine years ago.
Maybe, you know,
the guys might have been over,
Somebody said, "hey,
you should be taping this."
And you know me,
I was just trying
to be a good host.
I said, "hey, that's a good
idea, someone else."
Hey, you know something,
I have an idea.
Next time, if you have
something on tape
That you like
and you want to save it,
You--you see this--
you see the tab right there?
You just pop it out;
you pop the tab out.
And then--then
the machine knows,
"oh, you must
really like that.
I won't tape over it.
I won't."
You just pop it out.
You pop the tab out.
[sighs]
Okay, ten years.
That's enough.
- Raymond.
- Oh, good morning.
- Everything all right,
dear?
- Yeah, yeah, just--
The anniversary was so exciting,
you know,
I--I needed a break.
That's all.
- Eggs, marie.
Scrambled.
And they've been looking
a little pale lately.
Stop holding back on the yolks.
- I'm not holding back.
- I'm on to you.
Daddy wants his yolks.
- You get every yolk,
frank.
What possible reason would I
have for prolonging your life?
- Is robert up yet?
- You mean hopalong?
- He was gored by a bull,
frank.
He can't help it.
- When is he going to get rid
of that walker?
I mean, I got stuck behind him
twice today:
The stairs and the bathroom.
- Thanks for shoving past me
on the steps, dad.
- You were in the the fast lane.
Get over to the right.
- Robert, did you find him?
- Bad news, ray.
The guy's in prison.
- Prison?
- Who? Who's in prison?
- James lemus, the guy
who videoed ray's wedding.
He went from doing
wedding videos
To honeymoon videos
Without the consent
of the honeymooners.
- What about his old tapes?
I got to get my original.
- All gone, raymond,
impounded and destroyed.
- Okay, then.
Mom, can I live here?
- Of course you can, dear.
What did debra do?
- She's having a bad reaction
To me accidentally taping
over our wedding video.
- Oh, my god.
- Holy crap.
- I don't understand.
What would you tape
over your wedding?
- Football.
- Sports?
Sports?
- It was the super bowl, ma.
- It doesn't matter
if it was a super-duper bowl.
It's still sports.
- I know.
- Hey, good work, ray.
Now when some broad
starts yapping...
[in high voice]
"you're never romantic,"
Guys everywhere can say,
"hey, you think I'm bad?
At least I didn't pull
a ray barone."
- I must say,
I'm surprised, raymond.
You're not usually
so thoughtless
And inconsiderate.
He gets this
from you, frank.
- At least I didn't pull
a ray barone.
- All right.
I'll see you.
- Where are you going?
- I don't know.
Maybe walk by the river.
- You have to make this right,
raymond.
- Well, the tape's gone, ma.
What do you want me to do,
Staple our wedding photos
together
And make a flip book?
- Well, I'll tell you
what I would like
If I were debra.
- I'd like it
if you were debra.
- Oh, frank.
- What, what?
Tell me, ma, what?
- Renew your wedding vows.
- Yeah, and then you can
videotape that.
That's a great idea, ma.
That's just like what
my civil war buddies do.
- What your civil war buddies do
is get drunk and pee outside.
- You know what
the southerners do?
- Oh, stop it, frank.
We're talking about
a beautiful thing,
A wedding,
A renewal of commitment
and love, frank.
Love.
You understand love?
- By all means, ray,
hurry up and renew this.
- I don't know, ma.
It all seems kind of--
- You have taken
debra's wedding away.
And no matter what people
may say about her,
She's still a woman.
And you don't take that away
from a woman.
The only thing you need
to worry about
Is if she ever forgives you
for what you've done.
- But I--I guess
she'll like it,
But I don't know anything
about this renewal stuff.
- Leave it all to me.
I'll handle
all the arrangements.
- Yeah?
- Yes, I would do that.
- Okay, all right.
- Oh, uh, marie,
I would like to renew
my breakfast order:
Eggs!
- Oh, good.
I'm glad you're up.
I got some good news,
and I got some bad news.
The bad news is that
if you like being mad at me,
You're out of luck,
m'lady.
The good news is,
I couldn't get
the tape back,
Which I know sounds
like bad news
But actually is good news,
Because if
that tape existed,
We wouldn't be able
to get married again.
- What are you doing?
- I've been thinking
about it all night.
Let's renew our vows.
- Look, I took your wedding
away from you,
And--and--and I know
you're a woman,
And you don't take that
away from a woman.
So let me give it
back to you.
- You know,
just forget it, ray.
The tape is gone.
I'll get over it.
- I know you will,
but this will be faster.
Come on, let's do this.
I feel bad.
I was thoughtless
and--and careless,
And I want to
make it up to you.
And it's our tenth anniversary.
We should do
something special.
We'll invite friends over,
we'll get dressed up,
Have music and flowers,
And--oh, you won't have
to do a thing.
And--and a priest,
we'll get one of those.
And we'll write new vows.
Then we'll videotape those,
And we'll pop the tab out
of that right away.
I just want to do this,
because...
Because.
I had a good idea?
- It's wonderful, ray.
I mean, you would really
get up in front of people
And recite new vows for me?
- Sure. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, this is good.
I'm so glad
you're happy.
- But you know what?
I just thought of something.
- Your mom's gonna want
to plan the whole thing.
- And that would be bad?
- Ray.
- Yeah, I know.
It's bad. It's bad.
- So you're doin' this
all yourself, huh, ray?
- Yeah, yeah,
debra wants me to.
It doesn't count
unless I go through hell.
Stupid.
Stupid renewal.
- So what do you got so far?
- Uh, I'm working
on a motif.
- Oh, motif.
How fancy.
- Yeah, they talk
about it in here.
- Where'd you get all these
wedding magazines?
- From the newsstand.
It was so embarrassing.
I had to buy some porn
just to even it out.
- "the best weddings
have a centralized theme."
Hey, you know
what would be great?
Cupid.
- Cupid?
- Yeah, yeah,
it's a little naked angel.
You know.
He shoots you.
Ah, it's cute.
- That's a horrible motif.
- What?
It's perfect.
He can be flying
around the room.
Hey, you know
what you could do?
You could
dress up the twins.
Put little wings
on their back.
They'd come by--
- all right, stop it.
No.
It's not gonna be cupid.
That's lame.
- All right, so what's
your brilliant idea?
- An english garden.
- English garden?
- That's right, yeah.
- Whoo, whoo.
Hey.
Party.
English garden.
- Hey, it's classy,
you neanderthal.
"it brings sophistication
and elegance to any party."
Okay?
Yeah, what does cupid bring?
A bow and arrow
and a bare ass.
- Okay, great.
- It goes with my whole idea
of a Sunday tea.
- What do you mean, tea?
There's no dinner?
- No, it's a tea.
That's it.
There's gonna be hors d'oeuvres.
- Okay, so your motif
really is,
"I'm a cheap bastard."
- Hey, come on,
let's go.
- Put the game on.
It's almost time.
- Hey, you're another two.
Did you get an invitation?
- Yeah, yeah,
I got it.
- So, robert,
how's your ass?
- Upper thigh.
- [laughs]
upper thigh, sure.
- Yeah, yeah.
Never mind that.
Never mind.
Are you comin'?
- If I have to.
- Yes, you have to.
- Why don't you renew
the bachelor party?
- You're coming.
- Is there food?
- Hors d'oeuvres.
- Hors d'oeuvres? I'm out.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Some hors d'oeuvres
are good.
- Well, a couple things,
you know, like, uh...
Those chicken-on-a-stick
things.
- Ooh, satay.
- Hey, ray, can we get
those stuffed mushrooms?
- I don't know.
You like those?
- You got 'em,
I'll eat 'em.
- What about for those of us
who have a bit of a sweet tooth?
- And a bit
of a fat stomach?
- I'm trying--
I'm gonna go with
These chocolate-dipped
strawberries.
- Chocolate
and strawberry.
That's an excellent
flavor combo.
- Oh, my god.
The strawberries wearing
the little tuxedo shirts.
- Come on, really?
They don't do that.
- Sure they do.
It's dark chocolate
all around, right?
With a white-chocolate front
And little buttons
and a bowtie.
- Really?
- That's adorable.
- Why don't you three dip
each other in chocolate?
What about, like,
a little chocolate top hat?
- Like chocolate clothing.
- Excellent, yes.
Or what if we use
a different berry?
- How about a kiwi?
All: Yeah.
- Raymond, what is this?
- Hey, I need that.
- What is this?
It looks like an invitation
to your renewal ceremony.
- Yes, that's what it is.
- I thought I was supposed
to take care
Of all of this, raymond.
- So is that your rsvp?
[playing "close to you"]
- Hey, gerard.
Gerard, you know anything else?
[plays "smoke on the water"]
Okay, stop.
Go back to the other one.
The other one's better.
[plays "close to you"]
- Ray, ray.
Ray.
Ray, did you see this?
Did you see
the strawberries?
They have regular ties
instead of bowties.
- Yes, I know.
That's what I ordered.
- Well, nobody told me.
- [laughs]
hi.
Frank, make way
for my lasagna.
- No, no.
Mom, I don't--
I don't need lasagna.
Please.
I have hors d'oeuvres.
- Well, then why don't
I just kill myself?
- And then--then--
where's the florist?
I ordered lilies
of the valley.
I don't see any
lilies of the valley.
- I see a pansy
of the family.
- Ha-ha, funny.
Come on, stop.
- Raymond, you really have done
a wonderful job.
- Thank you,
father hubley.
- Looks like a lot of work.
You must have really screwed up.
- Oh, it's pretty.
- Yeah, can you believe
daddy pulled this off
All by himself?
- Hmm.
Yes, I did.
- All right, everybody,
shall we get started?
[gerard plays "close to you"]
- That's enough, gerard.
- I would like
to welcome all of you
To raymond and debra's
beautiful home.
- [giggles]
- We are gathered here today
To witness a renewal
of love and commitment
Between husband and wife.
And in our presence
and in the sight of god,
They will now share vows
they each have written.
- Go ahead, raymond.
- Ladies first.
- All right.
Debra?
- Okay.
Um, well, when--
when ray first came to me
With this idea,
I was very touched.
I'm really glad to have
this chance to tell people
How I feel about you.
- Oh, boy.
- I don't know how well
I've always lived up
To my vow to love, honor,
and cherish you.
So just in case
I haven't always shown it,
I want you
to know that I do.
With all my heart, I do.
And I want to add
something else to that list.
[clears throat]
all right.
- And that is to thank you.
For the kids,
for your love,
For our life together,
I thank you.
- Raymond.
- Um...
You're welcome.
- Your vows,
raymond.
- I am so happy to be here
on this occasion.
Love is in the air.
Today I consider myself...
The luckiest man...
On the face
of the earth.
Okay, I forgot
the vows.
But that doesn't mean
that I don't care about you
Because of that,
and--and because
I taped football
over our wedding video.
- You taped football
over your wedding video?
- Yes, I made a mistake.
- You said you were going
to recite vows to me.
- Okay, I know.
I know,
but we had your vows,
And, oh, they
were beautiful.
And--and I didn't really
hear 'em all,
Because I was in my head going
"idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot."
But--but, you know, luckily,
robert videotaped 'em,
And we can
enjoy 'em later.
- You never told me
to tape it.
- Okay, but, but, but--
Honey, look at all
the decorating
That I did here.
I--there's
stuffed mushrooms here,
And, see, look,
there's flowers everywhere,
And there were supposed to be
lilies of the valley here.
But the napkins,
they match the tablecloth.
I did that.
All right.
I'm sorry.
- Lilies of the valley?
- Yeah, that's your
favorite flower, right?
- You remembered?
But the damn florist,
he didn't bring it.
- You remembered
my flower.
- Kiss the bride.
Kiss her.
Kiss her now.
[applause]
By the way,
if I may ask...
What game was it?
- It was the '91 super bowl.
Bills and giants.
- Oh, good game,
good game.
- I know, I know.
I still have it on tape.
But we're not--
that's not why we're here.
We're not here for that.
- I'm so excited.
The famous last-second
field goal.
Even though I know what happens,
I'm so excited.
- Keep it down,
my friend.
Keep it down.
- This was the greatest moment
of my life.
- Shut up.
Here it comes.
- I do.
- Oh.
- Why am I watching a wedding?
Bring back
my super bowl.
[together]
come on.
- He missed it,
all right?
We know he missed it.
Hey, we know what happens,
all right?
- I forgot.
- We know how this ends.