Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 3, Episode 6 - Halloween Candy - full transcript
Ray plans an evening of sex on Halloween.
- Okay, how about this?
We're on a private jet,
right?
Now, all the passengers,
they're asleep.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
And I'm the captain,
And you're
the flight attendant.
- Okay.
- Hello...Vickie.
- Wait, who's vickie?
- You are.
- Why can't I just be me?
- All right, okay.
All right, fine.
Fine, you're you.
Hello...Debbie.
Boy, I...Usually don't
cramp up when I fly,
But maybe you could
Take off your clothes
and rub my neck a little.
- Okay, wait, ray.
Ray, can you just be you?
- What--I can't be me.
I don't know how
to fly this thing.
- Just forget the airplane.
I just want to be here
in our bedroom with you.
- What kind of pervert
are you?
- Oh, no!
- What, what no?
Everything's locked,
turned off, or asleep.
- No, no.
I just remembered.
I think
I'm out of stuff.
- Stuff?
- Yeah, stuff.
Well, there might
be a tube of it
Around here somewhere.
- Tube?
- A tube, yes, a tube.
Unless you want to be a father
again, look for the tube.
Where--what does it
look like?
It's been so long,
it's probably expired.
Come on, everything
was going so well.
I was home.
You were awake.
Got it! Got it!
- You got it?
- Got it, yes.
- Ray, this is sunblock.
- Okay, now we're
on a beach, right?
Yeah, you're
the rich society--
I'm juan, the cabana boy.
Nice goin'.
- What's that
supposed to mean?
- I mean runnin' out
of the stuff.
Way to go.
- So you're blaming me?
- Well, you're the one
who's in charge of the stuff.
- Why do I always
have to be in charge?
Why don't you go to the
drugstore and get some things?
- Things--you know
I don't like the things.
- Well, I don't like the stuff.
- I don't even like
to buy the things,
Especially if there's
a lady cashier.
I feel--I feel all dirty,
you know?
Like "hey, hey! Guess what
I'm gonna be doin' later!
"maybe.
"if I can get
all the kids to sleep,
And if the moon
and the stars all line up."
- Well, there is
another option, you know.
- We discussed it--
a little snip-snip.
- Hey, hey, ow, whoa!
Watch with that kind
of talk, huh?
He can hear you.
Don't listen
to the crazy lady, okay?
No snip-snip.
No snip-snip.
- Why don't you
tell your partner
That it might be
in his best interest
To take over
this little responsibility.
He might get out more often.
- What are you saying there?
- I'm just saying that
if I wasn't in charge
Of absolutely everything,
I might,
theoretically,
Be more inclined to...
More often.
- Hmm.
But now, if we were
to do something this drastic,
We might need
something in writing.
- Well, I can't give you
any guarantees, but...
- Hey, my client is gonna need
some assurances here.
- I'm sure we can reach
a satisfying arrangement.
Why don't you two
discuss it?
- I'll bring it up
at the next meeting.
Relax.
I know what I'm doin'.
- Hey, ray.
Happy Halloween.
- Hey, hey, nemo.
- It's good for business.
And stop undressing me
with your eyes.
- Excuse me.
- Right, right, yeah.
Hey, ha, hey, whoa!
- Welcome to hell.
I'll be right with you.
- Hey, hey, hey, ray.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- Sit down.
We're waiting to see
what angelina's wearing.
- Oh, yeah.
- Remember last year's
little bunny outfit?
- Remember?
I couldn't drive home.
- Hi, guys.
I'll be with you
in one minute.
- Please whack me
with your ruler,
Sister mary wowie
wow wow wow!
- Andy, she's gonna
spit in our food.
- Can I take your order?
- Sure, and then I'd like
to join your order.
- So you guys
want your usual?
- Yeah.
- You know what?
Just give me a ginger ale.
I gotta go.
- Okay.
- Where are you going so fast?
- I got a little
doctor appointment.
- You okay?
- Yeah, no, I'm all right.
It's just a--it's a--
it's a little procedure.
- Rubber glove, right?
- No, no glove.
- He doesn't use a glove?
- It's--it's not that,
all right?
Come on, can I have
a little privacy here?
- Yeah, sure, sure.
I understand.
- Well, I don't.
I mean, why are we
hiding things?
We're best friends.
I read you my poetry.
- All right.
I'm gettin' a vasectomy.
- Vasectomy?
- Mm-hmm.
- What rhymes
with vasectomy?
- You're getting
a vasectomy.
- Come on--
- Vasectomy?
Very courageous, raymond.
- Thank you, sister.
- There once was a man
from schenectady.
Huh?
- Is debra okay with this?
- Okay?
She came at me
with a pair of scissors.
- Hey, ray, I heard
you're cuttin' the wires.
- Oh, come on.
- I just want to tell you,
it's great.
- You had one?
- Oh, yeah.
You're gonna get love
like you never got love before.
- Was he flirting with me?
- Here you go.
- All right, guys, listen.
Thanks for your advice
and all that.
- Ray, let me
just say one word, okay?
Peplowski.
- What?
- Peplowski.
Guy on my squad, we went
through the academy together.
Had a great future.
And then he got fixed.
He was never the same.
- What do you mean?
- Well, let's just say
after the procedure,
He had trouble...
Saluting the captain.
- Saluting the captain.
- Yeah, he could protect,
but he could not serve.
- Really?
- Yeah, completely messed up
his head, you know?
Never got over the fact
that he was firing blanks.
He was working security
at the mall, the poor bastard.
- I don't want to work
at the mall.
- Just thought I'd give you
something to think about.
- We're gonna have
to have another meeting.
- Oh, you're back.
Oh, ray,
I feel terrible.
I wish you would have let me go
to the doctor with you.
Are you okay, hmm?
- [high voice]
I'm fine.
- Oh!
- Gonna be sore
for a little while.
- No, come on.
- [normal voice]
I didn't do it.
- Well, there are some risks.
- There are?
- Yeah, I was talkin'
to the guys at nemo's--
- Oh, the guys at nemo's!
Brilliant medical minds.
How did you get
an appointment?
- All right,
look, I changed my mind
About mutilating myself,
But I'm not
a complete coward.
There you go.
- What?
- In there.
- Are these--
- Things.
- I got the things.
- You did?
- Uh-huh.
- These are things?
Whoo!
What's with
all the fancy colors?
- Well, I mean,
it's Halloween.
He wants to dress up, too.
- Wow, I can't believe
that you bought these.
- I told the lady,
I said,
"hey, give me
the rainbow pack, lady.
"and whatever you're thinkin',
that's right!
"yeah, and I'm gonna
be a regular here,
So just keep
the tab open."
- You didn't say that.
- I did.
I said that, and then
I punched out a stock boy
And kicked over
the sucrets rack.
- Well, I'm proud of you.
- And you listen up here,
sweet sister.
From now on, all this,
This is--it's all
my responsibility, okay?
You don't think about it,
not at all.
Okay, I do it all.
I take your ticket.
I show you to your seat.
It's all on me.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, so you just--
you know, clear your mind...
- Mm-hmm.
- And your schedule
And give popeye
some spinach.
- Mmm, you got it.
Right after
trick-or-treating...
- [groans]
- and the kids fall asleep.
- [groans]
- But I'm thinking
it could all happen by 9:30.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- All right, then it's
"sportscenter" at 10:00.
- Well, well,
I might not be done
with you by 10:00.
- Well, could we start at 9:15?
'cause I really wanna
watch "sportscenter."
- [shouts]
- Mommy, I'm ready for my wings.
- Hey!
- Ally, my little
angel girl.
- Hi.
Okay, come on.
Let's go put
your wings on, okay?
- See?
Every time
you buy the things,
Another angel
gets her wings.
- Come on.
Everybody say "cavities."
All:
Cavities!
- [growling]
- [screaming]
- Frankenstein...
Hungry!
Eat children!
- Come on, dad.
Every year
it's the same thing.
Your bolts are rusty.
- Frank, frank.
Frank.
- [growling]
- Give me back the candy.
I need them.
- [growling]
- It's for the children.
Please, come on.
I don't have enough candy.
- [growling]
- Stop being foolish.
I don't have enough candy!
- [growls]
- You think that's so different
from who you really are?
- [groans]
- Doctor make bad bride.
Frankenstein sue doctor.
- Okay, come on, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
Hey, frank.
- What's with the hat?
I'm a stewardess.
- Any--any chance
of preboarding?
- [chuckles]
9:30, after trick-or-treating.
- All right.
Come on, guys,
ten houses and out.
- Yeah, thanks for holding
down the fort, frank.
- Hey, you still got
the naked channel?
- Yeah, but it's
all scrambled.
- I don't mind.
- Where's your costume?
- This is it.
I'm going as the guy
who can't wait for 9:30.
[doorbell rings]
- [grumbling and growling]
- Trick or treat!
- [growling]
- He scared me!
- It's okay.
- What is wrong with you,
scaring children like that?
- I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.
Look, look,
I'm not scary, see?
- He's scaring me!
- Aw, okay.
You like candy?
I got lots of candy.
Here.
Here, here we go.
Here you go, there you go,
there you go.
- You get some candy, too.
There you go, okay.
Don't toilet-paper
the house, okay?
My son's a cop.
- Boo!
- [screaming]
- Wow, that's a lot of candy.
That should be enough
for tonight.
- No!
- Honey, we've only been
to four houses.
Come on.
- All right, come on,
come on, come on.
- Trick or treat!
- Sorry, frankenstein's
house of tooth decay is closed.
- Aw.
- Well, what can I say?
All right, all right,
all right.
Here, here.
There you go.
- Frankenstein sucks.
- Frankenstein sucks!
Frankenstein sucks!
Frankenstein sucks!
- Frankenstein no suck.
[doorbell rings]
all right, all right!
[doorbell ringing]
[growls]
[doorbell ringing]
- Candy, candy, candy.
Mm.
Here we go!
- Trick or treat.
- Trick or treat, yeah.
- Oh, sweet dears,
you look terrible.
- Yeah, you look
like a cupcake.
- Thank you.
Come on in.
- You know, marie,
we really got to go,
'cause we got to
put the kids down.
- Put them down here, honey.
They could spend the night.
- Could we, mommy?
- No, honey. Marie--
- That's a great idea, ma.
No, that's good.
You kids, you want to spend
the night, right?
- Yeah, you see there?
Old grandma's
got lots of candy.
- Yeah!
- Come on, sweetie.
- Come on.
- Here, look, look.
Go get it.
Go get it.
- That's very clever.
- Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
We have clearance
from the tower.
Please enjoy your flight.
- You made it
just in time, kid.
The last one.
I almost ate it myself.
- Thanks, frankenstein.
- Hey, dracula.
Hey, dad.
- Hey, frank.
- Where are the kids?
- Oh, they're gonna spend
the night at your house.
- You know, you didn't
leave me enough candy.
- Really?
Because that bowl was full.
- I almost had
a riot on my hands.
Good thing I found
those chocolate coins
You left in the cupboard.
- Chocolate coins?
- Chocolate coins in
brightly-colored wrappers, ray.
- The things?
You gave out the things?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so what?
- So?
You don't go
in somebody's house
And go in their cabinets
And take their things
and give 'em out, you maniac!
- It's Halloween.
You got to give the kids
what they want.
- What's going on here?
I'm getting complaints
about the treats
Coming from this house.
- Oh, my god.
Oh, my god,
ray, the neighbors.
We're going to have
to move now.
- Why? Were you saving them
for something?
- Yes!
As a matter of fact, yes!
- All right, ray, all right.
- The things, debra.
We have no more things.
Dracula.
Dracula!
- I don't get it.
What's the big deal?
- What's the big deal?
- You are sick.
- And again,
we are very sorry, jean.
No, no, no.
It was not--
No, it was not
a political statement.
Well, it was just
my father-in-law.
Yeah, and I'm sorry.
Believe me, I'm sorry.
Okay, bye-bye.
- Don't go to sleep.
Don't go to sleep.
Got it.
- You got it?
- Got it, got it, got it.
I had to go through
15 draculas
Until I found
the right one,
And then
I bought it off him.
- Did he know what he had?
- No, but I didn't want
to get him suspicious,
So I also bought
a popcorn ball,
A marshmallow ghost,
and a box of raisins.
- Do you know how many parents
I've had to talk to tonight?
- Well, if it's more
than two dozen,
Then we're not the only ones
giving out the things.
- No, now people
are going to think...
Oh, god.
- What?
- That we're having wild sex.
- Well, as long as
they're going to think it...
- How can you
still want to?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Come on.
- Wait, let's remember
why we did all this, huh?
Look, I know it's easy
to get distracted
By all these
little distractions here,
But we got to keep
our eye on the prize there.
I have a dream!
There.
There's the smile.
There's the kiss.
- All right.
- There's my client.
Oh, no.
- What's the matter?
- Chocolate!
- Trick or treat.
- Hey, captain hook.
Did you get any candy
from frankenstein?
No, no, honey, come on.
Stay awake, stay awake.
Come on, get u--
that's it, bright-eyed.
Come on, bushy-tailed,
let's go.
No, no, no, stay awake.
Let's sing.
[singing]
john jacob jingleheimer schmidt
Da da da da da da da
Hey, you!
Nixon!
Did you get any candy
from frankenstein?
Wha--hey!
I know where
you live, casper.
No, no, no, no, no.
Honey, come on,
come on.
Oh.
I hate Halloween.
[groans]
Ah, "sportscenter."
We're on a private jet,
right?
Now, all the passengers,
they're asleep.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
And I'm the captain,
And you're
the flight attendant.
- Okay.
- Hello...Vickie.
- Wait, who's vickie?
- You are.
- Why can't I just be me?
- All right, okay.
All right, fine.
Fine, you're you.
Hello...Debbie.
Boy, I...Usually don't
cramp up when I fly,
But maybe you could
Take off your clothes
and rub my neck a little.
- Okay, wait, ray.
Ray, can you just be you?
- What--I can't be me.
I don't know how
to fly this thing.
- Just forget the airplane.
I just want to be here
in our bedroom with you.
- What kind of pervert
are you?
- Oh, no!
- What, what no?
Everything's locked,
turned off, or asleep.
- No, no.
I just remembered.
I think
I'm out of stuff.
- Stuff?
- Yeah, stuff.
Well, there might
be a tube of it
Around here somewhere.
- Tube?
- A tube, yes, a tube.
Unless you want to be a father
again, look for the tube.
Where--what does it
look like?
It's been so long,
it's probably expired.
Come on, everything
was going so well.
I was home.
You were awake.
Got it! Got it!
- You got it?
- Got it, yes.
- Ray, this is sunblock.
- Okay, now we're
on a beach, right?
Yeah, you're
the rich society--
I'm juan, the cabana boy.
Nice goin'.
- What's that
supposed to mean?
- I mean runnin' out
of the stuff.
Way to go.
- So you're blaming me?
- Well, you're the one
who's in charge of the stuff.
- Why do I always
have to be in charge?
Why don't you go to the
drugstore and get some things?
- Things--you know
I don't like the things.
- Well, I don't like the stuff.
- I don't even like
to buy the things,
Especially if there's
a lady cashier.
I feel--I feel all dirty,
you know?
Like "hey, hey! Guess what
I'm gonna be doin' later!
"maybe.
"if I can get
all the kids to sleep,
And if the moon
and the stars all line up."
- Well, there is
another option, you know.
- We discussed it--
a little snip-snip.
- Hey, hey, ow, whoa!
Watch with that kind
of talk, huh?
He can hear you.
Don't listen
to the crazy lady, okay?
No snip-snip.
No snip-snip.
- Why don't you
tell your partner
That it might be
in his best interest
To take over
this little responsibility.
He might get out more often.
- What are you saying there?
- I'm just saying that
if I wasn't in charge
Of absolutely everything,
I might,
theoretically,
Be more inclined to...
More often.
- Hmm.
But now, if we were
to do something this drastic,
We might need
something in writing.
- Well, I can't give you
any guarantees, but...
- Hey, my client is gonna need
some assurances here.
- I'm sure we can reach
a satisfying arrangement.
Why don't you two
discuss it?
- I'll bring it up
at the next meeting.
Relax.
I know what I'm doin'.
- Hey, ray.
Happy Halloween.
- Hey, hey, nemo.
- It's good for business.
And stop undressing me
with your eyes.
- Excuse me.
- Right, right, yeah.
Hey, ha, hey, whoa!
- Welcome to hell.
I'll be right with you.
- Hey, hey, hey, ray.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- Sit down.
We're waiting to see
what angelina's wearing.
- Oh, yeah.
- Remember last year's
little bunny outfit?
- Remember?
I couldn't drive home.
- Hi, guys.
I'll be with you
in one minute.
- Please whack me
with your ruler,
Sister mary wowie
wow wow wow!
- Andy, she's gonna
spit in our food.
- Can I take your order?
- Sure, and then I'd like
to join your order.
- So you guys
want your usual?
- Yeah.
- You know what?
Just give me a ginger ale.
I gotta go.
- Okay.
- Where are you going so fast?
- I got a little
doctor appointment.
- You okay?
- Yeah, no, I'm all right.
It's just a--it's a--
it's a little procedure.
- Rubber glove, right?
- No, no glove.
- He doesn't use a glove?
- It's--it's not that,
all right?
Come on, can I have
a little privacy here?
- Yeah, sure, sure.
I understand.
- Well, I don't.
I mean, why are we
hiding things?
We're best friends.
I read you my poetry.
- All right.
I'm gettin' a vasectomy.
- Vasectomy?
- Mm-hmm.
- What rhymes
with vasectomy?
- You're getting
a vasectomy.
- Come on--
- Vasectomy?
Very courageous, raymond.
- Thank you, sister.
- There once was a man
from schenectady.
Huh?
- Is debra okay with this?
- Okay?
She came at me
with a pair of scissors.
- Hey, ray, I heard
you're cuttin' the wires.
- Oh, come on.
- I just want to tell you,
it's great.
- You had one?
- Oh, yeah.
You're gonna get love
like you never got love before.
- Was he flirting with me?
- Here you go.
- All right, guys, listen.
Thanks for your advice
and all that.
- Ray, let me
just say one word, okay?
Peplowski.
- What?
- Peplowski.
Guy on my squad, we went
through the academy together.
Had a great future.
And then he got fixed.
He was never the same.
- What do you mean?
- Well, let's just say
after the procedure,
He had trouble...
Saluting the captain.
- Saluting the captain.
- Yeah, he could protect,
but he could not serve.
- Really?
- Yeah, completely messed up
his head, you know?
Never got over the fact
that he was firing blanks.
He was working security
at the mall, the poor bastard.
- I don't want to work
at the mall.
- Just thought I'd give you
something to think about.
- We're gonna have
to have another meeting.
- Oh, you're back.
Oh, ray,
I feel terrible.
I wish you would have let me go
to the doctor with you.
Are you okay, hmm?
- [high voice]
I'm fine.
- Oh!
- Gonna be sore
for a little while.
- No, come on.
- [normal voice]
I didn't do it.
- Well, there are some risks.
- There are?
- Yeah, I was talkin'
to the guys at nemo's--
- Oh, the guys at nemo's!
Brilliant medical minds.
How did you get
an appointment?
- All right,
look, I changed my mind
About mutilating myself,
But I'm not
a complete coward.
There you go.
- What?
- In there.
- Are these--
- Things.
- I got the things.
- You did?
- Uh-huh.
- These are things?
Whoo!
What's with
all the fancy colors?
- Well, I mean,
it's Halloween.
He wants to dress up, too.
- Wow, I can't believe
that you bought these.
- I told the lady,
I said,
"hey, give me
the rainbow pack, lady.
"and whatever you're thinkin',
that's right!
"yeah, and I'm gonna
be a regular here,
So just keep
the tab open."
- You didn't say that.
- I did.
I said that, and then
I punched out a stock boy
And kicked over
the sucrets rack.
- Well, I'm proud of you.
- And you listen up here,
sweet sister.
From now on, all this,
This is--it's all
my responsibility, okay?
You don't think about it,
not at all.
Okay, I do it all.
I take your ticket.
I show you to your seat.
It's all on me.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, so you just--
you know, clear your mind...
- Mm-hmm.
- And your schedule
And give popeye
some spinach.
- Mmm, you got it.
Right after
trick-or-treating...
- [groans]
- and the kids fall asleep.
- [groans]
- But I'm thinking
it could all happen by 9:30.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- All right, then it's
"sportscenter" at 10:00.
- Well, well,
I might not be done
with you by 10:00.
- Well, could we start at 9:15?
'cause I really wanna
watch "sportscenter."
- [shouts]
- Mommy, I'm ready for my wings.
- Hey!
- Ally, my little
angel girl.
- Hi.
Okay, come on.
Let's go put
your wings on, okay?
- See?
Every time
you buy the things,
Another angel
gets her wings.
- Come on.
Everybody say "cavities."
All:
Cavities!
- [growling]
- [screaming]
- Frankenstein...
Hungry!
Eat children!
- Come on, dad.
Every year
it's the same thing.
Your bolts are rusty.
- Frank, frank.
Frank.
- [growling]
- Give me back the candy.
I need them.
- [growling]
- It's for the children.
Please, come on.
I don't have enough candy.
- [growling]
- Stop being foolish.
I don't have enough candy!
- [growls]
- You think that's so different
from who you really are?
- [groans]
- Doctor make bad bride.
Frankenstein sue doctor.
- Okay, come on, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
Hey, frank.
- What's with the hat?
I'm a stewardess.
- Any--any chance
of preboarding?
- [chuckles]
9:30, after trick-or-treating.
- All right.
Come on, guys,
ten houses and out.
- Yeah, thanks for holding
down the fort, frank.
- Hey, you still got
the naked channel?
- Yeah, but it's
all scrambled.
- I don't mind.
- Where's your costume?
- This is it.
I'm going as the guy
who can't wait for 9:30.
[doorbell rings]
- [grumbling and growling]
- Trick or treat!
- [growling]
- He scared me!
- It's okay.
- What is wrong with you,
scaring children like that?
- I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.
Look, look,
I'm not scary, see?
- He's scaring me!
- Aw, okay.
You like candy?
I got lots of candy.
Here.
Here, here we go.
Here you go, there you go,
there you go.
- You get some candy, too.
There you go, okay.
Don't toilet-paper
the house, okay?
My son's a cop.
- Boo!
- [screaming]
- Wow, that's a lot of candy.
That should be enough
for tonight.
- No!
- Honey, we've only been
to four houses.
Come on.
- All right, come on,
come on, come on.
- Trick or treat!
- Sorry, frankenstein's
house of tooth decay is closed.
- Aw.
- Well, what can I say?
All right, all right,
all right.
Here, here.
There you go.
- Frankenstein sucks.
- Frankenstein sucks!
Frankenstein sucks!
Frankenstein sucks!
- Frankenstein no suck.
[doorbell rings]
all right, all right!
[doorbell ringing]
[growls]
[doorbell ringing]
- Candy, candy, candy.
Mm.
Here we go!
- Trick or treat.
- Trick or treat, yeah.
- Oh, sweet dears,
you look terrible.
- Yeah, you look
like a cupcake.
- Thank you.
Come on in.
- You know, marie,
we really got to go,
'cause we got to
put the kids down.
- Put them down here, honey.
They could spend the night.
- Could we, mommy?
- No, honey. Marie--
- That's a great idea, ma.
No, that's good.
You kids, you want to spend
the night, right?
- Yeah, you see there?
Old grandma's
got lots of candy.
- Yeah!
- Come on, sweetie.
- Come on.
- Here, look, look.
Go get it.
Go get it.
- That's very clever.
- Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
We have clearance
from the tower.
Please enjoy your flight.
- You made it
just in time, kid.
The last one.
I almost ate it myself.
- Thanks, frankenstein.
- Hey, dracula.
Hey, dad.
- Hey, frank.
- Where are the kids?
- Oh, they're gonna spend
the night at your house.
- You know, you didn't
leave me enough candy.
- Really?
Because that bowl was full.
- I almost had
a riot on my hands.
Good thing I found
those chocolate coins
You left in the cupboard.
- Chocolate coins?
- Chocolate coins in
brightly-colored wrappers, ray.
- The things?
You gave out the things?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so what?
- So?
You don't go
in somebody's house
And go in their cabinets
And take their things
and give 'em out, you maniac!
- It's Halloween.
You got to give the kids
what they want.
- What's going on here?
I'm getting complaints
about the treats
Coming from this house.
- Oh, my god.
Oh, my god,
ray, the neighbors.
We're going to have
to move now.
- Why? Were you saving them
for something?
- Yes!
As a matter of fact, yes!
- All right, ray, all right.
- The things, debra.
We have no more things.
Dracula.
Dracula!
- I don't get it.
What's the big deal?
- What's the big deal?
- You are sick.
- And again,
we are very sorry, jean.
No, no, no.
It was not--
No, it was not
a political statement.
Well, it was just
my father-in-law.
Yeah, and I'm sorry.
Believe me, I'm sorry.
Okay, bye-bye.
- Don't go to sleep.
Don't go to sleep.
Got it.
- You got it?
- Got it, got it, got it.
I had to go through
15 draculas
Until I found
the right one,
And then
I bought it off him.
- Did he know what he had?
- No, but I didn't want
to get him suspicious,
So I also bought
a popcorn ball,
A marshmallow ghost,
and a box of raisins.
- Do you know how many parents
I've had to talk to tonight?
- Well, if it's more
than two dozen,
Then we're not the only ones
giving out the things.
- No, now people
are going to think...
Oh, god.
- What?
- That we're having wild sex.
- Well, as long as
they're going to think it...
- How can you
still want to?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Come on.
- Wait, let's remember
why we did all this, huh?
Look, I know it's easy
to get distracted
By all these
little distractions here,
But we got to keep
our eye on the prize there.
I have a dream!
There.
There's the smile.
There's the kiss.
- All right.
- There's my client.
Oh, no.
- What's the matter?
- Chocolate!
- Trick or treat.
- Hey, captain hook.
Did you get any candy
from frankenstein?
No, no, honey, come on.
Stay awake, stay awake.
Come on, get u--
that's it, bright-eyed.
Come on, bushy-tailed,
let's go.
No, no, no, stay awake.
Let's sing.
[singing]
john jacob jingleheimer schmidt
Da da da da da da da
Hey, you!
Nixon!
Did you get any candy
from frankenstein?
Wha--hey!
I know where
you live, casper.
No, no, no, no, no.
Honey, come on,
come on.
Oh.
I hate Halloween.
[groans]
Ah, "sportscenter."