Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 3, Episode 22 - Working Girl - full transcript

Debra gets a job as a copywriter.

- Hi, I'm home.

- Hey. How was dinner
with the girls?

- Yeah, it was--
- anybody look fat?

What? I thought
you liked that.

- You know, ray, ever since
the kids were born,

I've been just stuck
in this house.

I feel like I'm missing out.
I need a change.

- You're leaving me?

- Eventually,
but anyway--

You know, the girls
were talking about all, like,

The exciting things
that they're doing, you know?



Gail's biking
through thailand,

And amy got a promotion,

Linda's getting
her master's degree,

And, like,
all I could talk about is,

"oh, the twins can pronounce
their 's's now, and"--

[sighs]
ray?

- What?
Yeah.

You had thai food,

And linda's playing
in the masters.

- Could you
turn that off?

- The remote's broken.

- I think I might
go back to work.

- What?

What do you--
where is this coming from?



- This is what
I've been trying to tell you.

Just part-time.
You know, in p.R.,

Like I used to do.

Amy said she's always hearing
about openings.

- You want to work?

- It sounds
even better when you say it.

- I'm not--I'm not--
no.

I'm not saying,
I'm asking.

- Yes, I actually want
to get out and do something.

- W-what about--
what about--

- The house will be fine.

- Well, how about--
how about--

- Yeah, yeah, look,
the twins are in preschool

Five days a week.

And you did great tonight.

Everybody's asleep,
house looks great.

- No, I didn't do great.

My mother cleaned up,
there's--

The kids aren't even home.

They're at a racetrack.

- All right, we got milk,
ginger ale, and...

Something pink.

- Pink, please.

What?

- I, uh--I sense a great
disturbance in the force.

- Hello, dear.

- You got to teach me
how you do that.

- I-I made some ravioli
for the kids.

They look so skinny compared
to the other children.

- Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
I have to iron.

- Don't panic, dear.
I'll walk you through it.

- What's going on?
What are you doing?

- I got to iron my blouse
for my interview.

- Oh, you're finally
interviewing cleaning services!

- No, no, no, marie.

I've decided
to look for a job.

Yeah, I got a call
about an opening in p.R.

Can you
believe that, ray?

- No, I cannot.

- Hey, deb, I think
it's great.

- Yeah. It's exciting,
huh?

Me going back to work?

- Oh, yes, dear.

But I can't help wondering
about the children, though.

They're already so thin.

- Ray, that reminds me--

You're going to have to pick
up the twins from preschool.

- And I'll wait
for them here.

Someone has to be home now that
they're latchkey children.

- Please, marie, don't make
me feel guilty about this now.

- Oh, no, dear.
I-I respect your ambition.

I mean, most women would
just settle for having...

Everything.

- What are you
nodding at?

- No, that's not nodding.

I was just--I'm thinking
of a song, that's all.

- Don't pay attention
to 'em, deb.

This is the family
of dream squashers.

- Dream squashers?
- That's right.

Everything I ever dreamed of,
they said I couldn't do.

The--the drums.

- Oh, please.
The drums were the worst.

- Major league baseball.
My career in space.

- You were 6 feet tall
in the third grade.

They'd have
to fold you in half

To stuff you
into the capsule.

- Mission control, man.
I could have been houston.

You go for it, deb.

Strap a rocket
on your back and fly.

Fly from
the dream squashers.

- Thanks, I think
I'll just take the train.

- Train? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where is this job?

- If I get it,
it's in manhattan.

- But that's a long commute.

It's an hour there
and an hour back.

- Oh, yeah,
the commute.

Gosh, I hadn't
thought about that.

I'll be able to read

Or just sit quietly.

- And watch
public urination.

- Dream squasher.

- Whew, forgot my blouse.

[laughs]
look at me, I'm so nervous,

And I don't even know
if I'm going to get the job.

- Yeah, well,
let's cross our fingers.

- No, all right.
Geoffrey, no.

Guys, come on, guys,
I'm trying to work.

Hey.

Hey, mommy's good spoons
aren't for banging.

Hey. No.
You know what?

Take them outside
and dig for worms.

Yeah. Huh?
Ally, a little help here.

Take your brothers outside.

- Hi, mommy.
- Hello.

- Oh, mommy's here!
- Hi, mommy.

- Hey, hey.
Oh, yeah.

Listen, the guys want
to take the spoons outside--

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I got the job!

- What?
- Yeah. I got the job.

Two days a week,
I'm going to be a copywriter

At the charlotte
sterling agency.

- They just gave it
to you, like that?

- Yeah. I had to fill out
a w-4 and everything.

- So there was no drug testing
or anything like that?

- Oh, ray, I'm going
to get to do so much there.

It's a small agency.

It's just charlotte and me
and the receptionist.

God, I never had
a woman boss before.

- Yeah.
It's not that great.

- Oh, man, we're going
to be able to bond

Over stuff like bad hair

And have little
private meetings

In the ladies' room, and--

What is it?

- Nothing, nothing.
No. You got the job.

Congratulations.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing. I--

I just--
I always thought

That I would make enough money
to support all of us.

All right?
And I am.

Aren't I?

- Oh, yes.

Oh, honey,
you're a great provider.

No, no,
we don't need the money.

I just need to do this
for myself, you know?

And, hey,
wouldn't it be nice

To have a little extra money?

I mean, what if one of the kids
wants to go to harvard?

- Eh.

I think that kid might be
a little disappointed.

- Okay, listen.
Can I use your office?

- My office?
- Yeah, 'cause my boss wants

Me to create a new identity
for a pizza restaurant.

- Well, hold on.
How about the kids, though?

I know you had them
for a couple of hours already,

But I really need to get
a head start on this.

And you said
you'd help out more.

- Yeah, I didn't know
by helping out, you meant...

Really helping out.

- Oh, so this is not
really about you

Losing your place
as the wage earner.

You just don't want to do
any work around here.

- Why is that so wrong?

- You know what?
Complain all you want.

I'm doing this.

Dream squasher.

- How about my dream, huh?

The--the wife who doesn't
want to go to work

'cause she's too tired
from all the sex.

Okay, guys, come on.
What'd you do, huh?

Yeah, you like that.

You like it on
the face, don't you?

What's wrong with you?
Oh!

That's good enough,
you guys.

You're going to get dirty again
tomorrow, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah. Go play.

[sighs]

Stupid cheese.

Hey, there, cat ballou.

So how was your first day?

See, I'm asking you
just like you asked me to.

- Terrible, it was
just a terrible, horrible day.

- Oh.

All right, well,
it'll go better tomorrow.

- No, it won't, ray.
I was fired.

- On your first day?

- Yes, ray,
on my first day!

- Have you lost weight?

You got fired?
That's terrible.

- Oh, don't pretend
you care.

You're getting
exactly what you want.

- I want you
to yell at me?

- You want me to stay at home,
so I can take care of the kids

And cook and clean
and have absolutely no life.

So how was your day,
dear?

- I'm pretty sure I'm not
supposed to answer that, right?

Come--why did they
fire you?

- Embezzlement.

I doctored the books
and stole millions of dollars.

Is chicken okay?

- Well,
if we're millionaires,

I think
we're going to order out.

Come on. What ha--
what'd you do?

- Nothing!

Ally forgot her
permission slip for the zoo,

So then I had
to deal with the school

And fax something
over there,

And then my boss
just freaked out!

God.

- Well, that's...Not nice.
It's not nice.

- To think I was excited
to work for a woman.

God.

I'm telling you,

These career women
are just the worst, man.

You know, they sacrifice
all their happiness

To get where they are,

And then they want everybody
else to do exactly the same.

- Women.
Yeah.

- Oh, don't try
to be supportive now, ray.

It's way too late
for that.

- Oh, come on, debra. What?
I'm just trying to help.

- Okay, okay. All right.
All right.

It's--
it's me.

It's not you.
It's me.

God, why did I think
I could even do this?

- You know,
even though

I was really trying
to be supportive,

I was thinking maybe
I could have been

Even a little bit more,
probably.

- No.
It's okay.

Thanks for helping out
around here today.

- Oh, there it is.

[phone ringing]
- charlotte sterling agency.

No, charlotte's not here.

We're set for paper clips.
Uh-huh.

Thank you.
I'll give her the message.

Can I help you?

- Yeah, I was hoping
to talk to charlotte sterling.

- Are you here
to sell her something?

- No.

- Then I'm
charlotte sterling.

My receptionist is taking
another mental health day.

- I'm ray barone.
- Yes?

- Um, my wife
worked here until yesterday.

Well, she worked
here yesterday.

- Oh.

Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry about that.

Are you here for her mug?
I rinsed it.

- "have a nice day."

- Thank you.
You too.

[telephone rings]
- no.

No, no, no.
The mug.

About debra--
listen,

But I just can't help feeling
that this is partly my fault.

- What are you
talking about?

- See, you fired debra

'cause my daughter
had to go to the zoo.

- No. I'm--
I'm sorry.

Look, I had to let debra go
because, uh--

Listen, why don't
I show you

Her campaign
on our pizza account?

I, um--

Uh, she created
a character

That was supposed to go
on all their packaging and ads--

The man
who invented pizza.

- Professor pete za.
- Yes.

- It's cute.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is cute,

But, you know, our clients
aren't paying us for cute.

They don't want
a guy with a pun name

And a mozzarella hat.

- Okay, but, I mean,
this is just one thing.

You fired her
for one thing?

- I really didn't want
to fire debra,

But she just wouldn't
let go of it.

I mean, I told her,
I said,

"I don't really think that
this is what the clients want,"

And she argued with me.

Now, I really hate
to say this,

But I think she's
a little stubborn.

- Really? That doesn't
sound like my debra, though.

She was probably nervous,
you know,

'cause it was
her first day and--

Do you think you could
give her another shot?

- No. I'm sorry.
I-I really can't.

It was really nice
meeting you.

- All right.
Okay.

I'll get out of your way.
I'm sorry.

I'm just sorry
that you didn't get

To see debra at her best.

You know,
it's just hard for her

To be at her best
all the time

'cause she's got so much
to put up with.

You know, there's me.

I'm a much bigger problem
than I look.

And then, I don't know
if she told you this,

But my parents live
right across the street.

Coming over every day
for the rest of your life.

And she's already--
she's juggling the kids

And the school
and the gymnastics and--yeah.

All right,
well, anyway, I'm sorry.

You know what?
You can refile that.

- Gosh, I had no idea.

How many kids
do you have?

- Seven.

- Hey, puka shell.

- [giggles]

- Hi.
- Hi.

A gift for my wife.

- Oh. Great.

I could use it to carry
juice boxes to gymboree.

- Or to the charlotte
sterling agency

If you like
your juice with lunch.

You got
your job back, ta-da!

- What?

- I talked to charlotte.

- Charlotte? When did you
talk to charlotte?

- Today. Today.
I skipped lunch.

- How could you do that?

- I had a big breakfast.

- Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.

- Happy?

- Who do you think you are?
How dare you?

- What do you mean?
I'm being supportive.

- You groveled
for my job?

- Not for long.
I just--

Charlotte's a very
reasonable person.

I just--I told her that,
you know, pete za was--

- She told you
about pete za?

- Professor pete za.

Wow.

What were you thinking?

- Oh, it was good!
I thought it was good.

- But his hair was cheese.

- That was his hat,
ray, all right?

I was trying to reach
a wide demographic.

It was for teens
and adults and--

You know what?
You wouldn't understand.

- See, now,
that's the kind of attitude

That might get people fired.

- Hey, I--

I--

[crying]
I thought it was funny.

Ally liked it!

- Oh, honey.

Ally's six.

- I know, but she's
the only one I have

To run things by.

- I'm here.

- [exhales]

- You know what
you should try tomorrow?

Lynn guine.

[chuckles]

Lynn guine.

That'd be funny.

You know, like,
spaghetti hair

And meatballs,
you know--

[chuckles]

- God, look--

I can't go back there.

It's just too humiliating.

I mean, I just--
oh, god.

I don't know
what happened to me.

The whole time
I was arguing with charlotte,

I was thinking,

"come on. What are you doing?
Stop talking!"

But I just had
to keep fighting for pete za.

- You know,
I know why you fight.

It's 'cause you're
surrounded by barones.

It's a jungle here.
It's survival of the fittest.

If you didn't learn
how to hold your own,

My mother would be wearing you
as a coat.

- Look, I'm not going
to blame your family

For me losing my job.

- Why not?

- Because that's
a big cop-out.

- I'm doing it when I get fired
from my job.

- Look, it was nice,
you know,

What you tried to do.

- Well, I'm, you know,
just being supportive.

- I appreciate it.

[door opens]

- I brought you
comfort food.

Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry
you got fired.

But, you know,
it's probably for the best.

If you need--if you want
to expand your horizons,

How about taking up
gardening?

I mean, your yard
could use a lot of work.

- And gardening
is fun.

You--
you have lost weight.

You look good.
You look really good.

Doesn't she--
she looks good.

- Yes, we do have
an opening,

And I'm sure that you're
a really fast learner,

But I--I really need someone
with more p.R. Experience.

- You don't understand.

I have to get
out of the house.

My husband
drives me crazy.

- Okay, uh, thank you
for your interest.

- Before you make
any final decisions,

Why don't you taste
this lasagna?

- Right now?

- Oh, please, dear.

You're--
you're so thin.