Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 2, Episode 2 - Father Knows Least - full transcript
Ally is disobeying Ray and Debra. Not doing what she's told to do. Always in a bad mood. Ray tries to find out why.
-Okay, I read to Ally.
-Thanks for putting her to bed for me, Ray.
-It's been a really long day.
-I read her 'Rapunzel'.
(It's a fairy tale wrote by the Brothers Grimm.
It tells a story about a girl with tower-long hair.)
-Good for you.
-Yeah? I don't know.
-She has a keen on long hair, and I said,
'If you live in a tower...
-and there's no shampoo...
-and your hair gets long enough
to climb on...
-it might get disgusting.'
-Yeah.
-Well, so Ally wants a haircut.
-Well, we'll get her a haircut.
-Now.
-Ray, don't tell me I have to go...
-I'm ready, Mommy.
-I gave her a dollar to tip you with.
-Act surprised.
-Hi, I'm Ray, and I live here in Long Island
with my wife, Debra...
-my 6-year-oId daughter
and twin 2-year-oId boys.
-Me!
-My parents...
-live across the street. That's right.
-And my brother lives with them.
-Now, not every family
would defy gravity for you...
-but mine would because--
-Everybody loves Raymond.
-Hey, you didn't....
-Okay, Ally. Daddy's going to be home
any minute with dinner, so let's clean up.
-Sweetie, why don't you take all your dolls
off the table...
-and wash your hands, okay?
-Grandma, look.
-Ally, please clean up.
-Isn't that nice?
-What's this one, a streetwalker?
-No, she's an aerobics instructor, Marie.
-She's dressed for the gym.
Ally, can you look at me?
-Are you having trouble listening?
-Hi, come on.
-This is from Nemo's, so let's get to it
before it eats through the bag.
-Ray, help Ally get ready for dinner, please.
-And can you get rid of them?
-Hey, guys.
-Daddy's home.
-Time to...time to go home now.
-I'm watching the game.
-I think they're beaming it
into your house, too, Dad.
-Dad's taping Channel 5 over there.
-Why? What's on 5?
-He wants to catch that commercial
for the chicken restaurant.
-The one where it's so good,
the chicken goes there to eat it?
-I'm dying to see it.
-Ray, please. We're all dying here.
-We're eating, man. Come on, go.
-Ally, don't make me
keep asking you, sweetie.
-Get the toys picked up
and your hands washed.
-Look, there it is.
-May I take your order?
-Dad, did I tell you? It's a killer.
-You didn't lie.
-Ally, I'm done asking you.
I want the toys picked up now.
-No!
-If you don't do what I'm telling you right now,
you can forget about dessert.
-No dessert.
-I don't want any stupid dessert.
-Oh, my!
-Sure you do.
-Ray, I can't take this anymore.
Could you handle it, please?
-I got it. All right.
-Ally, wash your hands and do what...
-Don't make Mommy mad.
-No.
-Look, you have to do what Mommy says.
-Why?
-'Cause I do.
-Grandma's got some candy for a girl...
-No.
-...who cleans up.
-No candy, Mom. Come on.
-Mom, you don't pay her upfront.
-Just watch. All right, now, honey,
clean up, sweetheart.
-No.
-Candy always worked.
-I don't know what Debra's done
to this child.
-Look, just let me handle it, all right?
-Ally, I'm gonna give you to the count of three.
-If you don't start picking up your toys,
no TV for a week.
-One...
-two....
-I'm not kidding. One, two....
-This is it.
-Two-and-a-half.
-Two-and-three-quarters.
-Let me tell you something, Ally.
I don't know any more fractions.
Okay?
-Three. That's all. No TV for a week.
-No!
-What happened?
-I handled it, all right?
Everything... everything worked out.
-I hate you!
-Okay, folks, let's keep it moving.
Show's over.
-Nothing more to see here. Let's go.
-What's wrong with you?
-How can you yell at your child
in front of other people?
-Don't you know
how humiliating that could be?
-I hate you.
-Hey, lucky pants.
-Thank you very much, Ray.
-You're welcome.
-What did I do?
-You know, I haven't had
a minute to myself all day.
-When you take TV away from Ally,
you're punishing me, too.
-You know what my day was like?
-It went something like this:
'I wanna watch TV.'
-'No.'
-'I wanna watch TV.'
-'No.'
-Lunch.
-'I wanna watch TV.'
-'No.'
-'Hey, Lucky pants.'
-That's me. That's where I came in.
-Yeah. What are you gonna do for me next, Ray?
Take away her nap time?
-When a kid misbehaves, you take away
something that's important to her.
-What would you have done?
-Honestly, I have no idea.
-Well, then I think we shouldn't
dump on the people who have ideas.
-Okay, here's an idea, then.
-'Parent Effectiveness Training. Coping
with your child's behavioral challenges.'
-Where did you get this?
-They were sticking them
on the windshield at Chuck E. Cheese's
(a chain of restaurants which provide a lot of entertainment for family plus food).
-Come on. Look, we don't need classes.
We're great parents.
-All right, you're a great parent,
and I'm your lovely assistant.
-I don't feel like a great parent.
-Great parents don't find themselves
in the supermarket going:
-'We don't throw plums.'
-I need a class. We need a class.
-A parenting class?
-That's supposed to come natural.
That would be like taking a smelling class.
-So you have nothing to learn here?
-Come on.
-My mom and dad
never took a parenting class.
-I'm signing them up for this.
-So if you've ruled out any medical problem,
and your child is still wetting the bed...
-he may be trying to tell you something.
-He's telling you, 'I have to pee.'
-I think we're gonna wrap it up for tonight...
-but before we do,
are there any other questions?
-Yes, Debra.
-We have a 6-year-oId daughter,
and she's a great kid...
-but she's been having trouble listening,
and she's been very stubborn lately.
-That's every kid.
-It's not.
-It's just a phase, right?
-This is a perfect opportunity
for you to try some active listening.
-Thank you. We'll try that.
-Wait a second.
-So, active listening?
I'm not familiar with that.
-It's encouraging your child
to express herself verbally...
-without influencing her with your own
preconceived notions or opinions.
-Got it. Here we go.
-Why don't we try to illustrate this
with a little role-playing?
-Let's have you. Ray, is it?
-No.
-Yeah.
-Why don't you come
to the front of the class.
-Why don't you go, Deb?
-You'll be fine. Don't be shy.
-Now, Ray. Let's just say I'm your daughter...
-and I refuse to... to go to visit
grandma on her birthday.
-In this case, I happen to know Grandma,
and I can't say I blame you.
-Just hypothetically, Ray, all right? Focus.
-Let's just say, Ray, that you want to get
from your daughter what she's feeling.
-Go ahead.
-Do it.
-Okay, daughter.
-You have to go to Grandma's house.
-I'm not going.
-Well, you have to go. It's her birthday.
-I hate when you make me do things!
-It was not I making you go, okay?
It's Grandma's birthday.
-There aren't gonna be many more of them.
-I'm gonna stop you just for a second, Ray.
-You see, I don't think at this point,
we need to discuss Grandma's mortality.
-What are you doing, Ray?
-I'm playing the game.
-It's not a game.
-It's okay. It's okay.
-If I say to you,
'I hate when you make me do things'...
-perhaps you could acknowledge my feelings
by saying something like...
-'You feel you don't have any control
over our plans.'
-You understand?
-That doesn't sound like something
I would say.
-Just takes a little practice. Come on.
Let's keep going.
-Yeah, let's.
-All my friends are going to the park,
but I have to go to some boring party?
-You think that the party's gonna be boring?
-That's it, Ray.
-See, you're reflecting her feelings back.
-It's just a bunch of grownups
sitting around an old house.
-I want to be with my friends!
-But Grandma has that big bowl
of Coffee Nips.
-I don't care, and you can't make me.
-What are you doing?
-I'm not going.
-Please get up.
-Why do I have to go?
-I don't know.
-But why?
-Because I said so!
-That was big when I was a kid.
-Mommy said you gotta go.
-Leave Mommy out of it.
-Thank you.
-You better get up or...
-Or what?
-Or no more TV.
-No, Ray.
-Okay. Or you're going to boarding school.
-Do you always threaten?
-No.
-No, sometimes she yells.
-Oh, Ray.
-I'm sorry. We've run out of time.
Thank you all for coming.
-I'll see you next week.
-Ray and Debra, I'd like you
to stay after class, please.
-I think we need to talk.
-Nice going.
-What, my fault?
-You raised your hand.
-What are you doing?
-We've got homework to do.
-No. I'm not doing any stinking homework.
-You are the reason we got the homework.
-You're the brownnose
that had to ask a question.
-I'm trying to learn here, Ray.
-What am I supposed to do
with these exercises just by myself?
-Can you?
-No. You are gonna do them with me.
-Come on.
-Look, this time, you be the kid.
-It'll be less of a stretch.
-Okay, you think you can take me on?
-Okay, here. This is perfect.
-You're 12 years old,
and you refuse to shovel the snow...
-off the driveway.
-Ray, could you please shovel the driveway?
-No.
-Okay, I understand,
because shoveling the snow can be hard.
-Yes, so why did you ask?
-Because you're a member of this family
and we help each other.
-Yeah. Tough noogies.
-All right, time-out.
-What?
-Time-out!
-Are you being Ray, the little kid
or Ray, the big ass?
-I'd like to be both.
-Can we just do the exercise?
-Go ahead.
-Okay, I know that you feel
that making you shovel is unfair.
-Yes. I have to shovel the snow,
I have to take out the garbage...
-I have to load the dishwasher,
while you're up in bed...
-not sleeping with Daddy.
-Well, we all have chores we don't like to do.
-But in the future, Little Ray...
-if you feel that you have too much to do,
you just tell me...
-and I'll try to make things more even.
So how about that driveway?
-I'm too tired right now. I win.
-Ray, this isn't about winning or losing.
-You know who airways says that? The loser.
-I am just trying to do
this active listening stuff...
-and you are not playing right.
-You're gonna say that to your kid?
-It's obvious you're trying to screw it up.
-Well, I'm a real little kid.
-Yes, you are, and no TV.
-See?
-Come on.
-No TV. That's all.
-Yes.
-See, you couldn't do it, either.
-Yes, you are right.
-I just stink... I just stink at the whole thing.
-Come on. It'll be okay.
-Come on.
-I'll shovel the snow.
-It's not that. It's just that...
-when we got home tonight,
I tried this stuff on Ally...
-and it didn't work on her,
and it's not working on you, either.
-It's just not working.
-Come on. Don't worry. It'll be okay.
-It's all right.
-I'm flunking the class, Ray!
-You flunking haizi!
-Listen, don't worry about the class.
I told you we didn't need a class.
-The answer to how to stop plum throwing
is not in a workbook.
-This is a seat-of-the-pants operation here.
-What are we gonna do?
How are we gonna get Ally to behave?
-The crying is pretty good.
-Ray, get in on some of this.
-What's she doing,
just laying out a buffet now?
-This is supposed to be for the week.
-You'll cook some more.
-Go ahead, honey. You look hungry.
-I'll heat up the ziti.
-Listen, mom. When you were baby-sitting...
-did you change the twins' pajamas?
-Yeah. They're over here.
-I wanted to treat some of those old spots.
-We have a washing machine, Ma.
-Yeah, I know, but stubborn stains
need special care.
-Maybe you can take a class on that.
-I gotta go to grand parenting class at 3:00.
-Today we're learning 'got your nose'
and 'pull my finger.'
-Make sure you don't miss the seminar
on moving to Florida.
-Ma, get me the pajamas, please. And the ziti.
-Frank, what the hell is this?
-I'm not ready for ice cream yet.
-This is our tax refund check.
It was stuck to the bottom of the ice cream.
-You've been on my back for a month,
telling me that I lost it.
-I'm not the one who eats ice cream
in this house.
-You eat ice cream.
-Tofutti. I eat Tofutti.
-You tell your friends you eat Tofutti,
but you eat my ice cream.
-Take a look at the Tofutti.
There's not a dent in the Tofutti.
-If I do eat ice cream,
and I'm not saying that I do...
-I put it in a bowl like a person,
not on the table...
-where it gets stuck to an important check
that somebody accuses me of Losing.
-You know, in class, we were just doing this.
-Why can't you just admit this is your fault?
-Because I don't lose things, Frank.
-I'm organized.
-Not organized. Insane.
-She's got a shoebox labeled:
'Pieces of string too small to use.'
-That I should tie together into a noose.
-I got a beam all picked out!
-Yeah, I got a step stool for you.
-Wait. Just listen here for a second. Wait.
-So, Dad, you think Mom's being unfair?
-That's right.
-It's airways my fault
when she can't find something.
-Because I work like a dog
to keep this place straight...
-and he messes it up with all his projects.
-Ice cream's a project?
-You think Dad's being inconsiderate.
-Have you met your father?
-What about your consideration?
Do I ever get any thanks...
-for all the stuff I do around here?
-Like what?
-What is it you do?
-Didn't I fix the thing?
-That's true, Ma. He did.
-So Dad's feeling unappreciated.
-That's right.
-Come on. I don't appreciate you?
-How do I know?
-Yeah, evidently,
Dad isn't hearing 'thank you.'
-He wants 'thank you'?
-This isn't 'thank you'?
-I guess Mom's saying:
'Actions speak louder than words.'
-That's very good, Raymond.
-But sometimes we need to hear the words.
-Yeah. I need words.
-And I don't need words?
-I'm sorry the check
got stuck to the Chubby Hubby.
-You never said that before.
-No one's ever said that before.
-I appreciate you.
-Thanks.
-Holy crap. It works.
-The pot roast's ready.
-Great.
-I love your mother's pot roast.
-I'm gonna get an 'A' here.
-Careful, it's hot.
-How is it, chi-chi?
-Chi-chi like.
-What did you do?
-Debbie, you're not gonna believe this.
-Why did you do this, Ally?
-This is terrible.
-Oh, great.
-This is Michael's giraffe. He's crying now.
Why did you do this?
-'Cause.
-''Cause' is not an answer.
-Active Listening.
-Ray, that doesn't work.
-It works. I just used it
on the worst kids in the neighborhood.
-Look at this. Look what she did.
-Try it.
-No, Ray!
-Okay, you want me to do it?
-No, I'll do it.
-Okay. Ally, Let's talk about what you did.
-I don't wanna talk.
-Are you feeling angry?
-Reflect back.
-You're angry?
-Yes.
-Okay, but it's not okay to rip up toys
when we're angry.
-Judgmental.
-You are angry because....
-Because it used to be your toy.
-Yes.
-I don't like Michael and Geoffrey.
-I see, Isee
-You think that Mommy and Daddy
pay too much attention...
-to Michael and Geoffrey.
-Okay, I was handling this.
-They get everything.
-Right, and you're upset...
-because we gave them your old giraffe.
-I still liked it.
-But you weren't playing with it.
-That doesn't matter, though...
-because it was still yours, and you're mad...
-because we gave it to Michael
without asking you, right?
-Right.
-Well, mommy and daddy made a mistake,
and everybody makes mistakes.
-Right, Mommy?
-Yes.
-You feel better now, Ally?
-Yes. Can I have the giraffe?
-Well, it's broken, honey.
-I know.
-I wannna try to fix it for Michael.
-Here, sweetie.
-Thank you, daddy.
-See how I did that?
-Yeah. Can't believe it.
-It's pretty amazing. You did it.
-Anything else need taken care of
while I'm around here?
-No.
-What? What's the matter?
-Nothing with you, obviously.
-Don't go by me. I'm a natural.
-Don't worry. You'll get it.
-Don't act so proud of yourself.
-If I hadn't dragged you to that stupid class...
-you'd still be standing there going, 'No TV.'
-You're feeling inadequate
'cause I mastered it before you.
-Don't give me that active listening crap.
-Where do you get off listening to me?
-Never happen again.
-It's chickens eating chickens.
That's why it's funny.
-You got any Kleenex?
-Don't give him any.
-We got five boxes open over there.
-They're all halfway down.
-The tissues don't pop up anymore.
-You reach in,
your hand gets stuck in the box.
-Your hand gets stuck in the box
because you shove it in like an animal.
-Watch this. So, Ma,
you think Dad's being wasteful...
-and Dad, you think
Mom's being unreasonable.
-And a nag.
-A nag?
-You bitter, miserable man.
-Why do you think that is, Marie?
-I'm sleeping here tonight.
-Good!
-Nice job, Professor.
-No TV.
-Thanks for putting her to bed for me, Ray.
-It's been a really long day.
-I read her 'Rapunzel'.
(It's a fairy tale wrote by the Brothers Grimm.
It tells a story about a girl with tower-long hair.)
-Good for you.
-Yeah? I don't know.
-She has a keen on long hair, and I said,
'If you live in a tower...
-and there's no shampoo...
-and your hair gets long enough
to climb on...
-it might get disgusting.'
-Yeah.
-Well, so Ally wants a haircut.
-Well, we'll get her a haircut.
-Now.
-Ray, don't tell me I have to go...
-I'm ready, Mommy.
-I gave her a dollar to tip you with.
-Act surprised.
-Hi, I'm Ray, and I live here in Long Island
with my wife, Debra...
-my 6-year-oId daughter
and twin 2-year-oId boys.
-Me!
-My parents...
-live across the street. That's right.
-And my brother lives with them.
-Now, not every family
would defy gravity for you...
-but mine would because--
-Everybody loves Raymond.
-Hey, you didn't....
-Okay, Ally. Daddy's going to be home
any minute with dinner, so let's clean up.
-Sweetie, why don't you take all your dolls
off the table...
-and wash your hands, okay?
-Grandma, look.
-Ally, please clean up.
-Isn't that nice?
-What's this one, a streetwalker?
-No, she's an aerobics instructor, Marie.
-She's dressed for the gym.
Ally, can you look at me?
-Are you having trouble listening?
-Hi, come on.
-This is from Nemo's, so let's get to it
before it eats through the bag.
-Ray, help Ally get ready for dinner, please.
-And can you get rid of them?
-Hey, guys.
-Daddy's home.
-Time to...time to go home now.
-I'm watching the game.
-I think they're beaming it
into your house, too, Dad.
-Dad's taping Channel 5 over there.
-Why? What's on 5?
-He wants to catch that commercial
for the chicken restaurant.
-The one where it's so good,
the chicken goes there to eat it?
-I'm dying to see it.
-Ray, please. We're all dying here.
-We're eating, man. Come on, go.
-Ally, don't make me
keep asking you, sweetie.
-Get the toys picked up
and your hands washed.
-Look, there it is.
-May I take your order?
-Dad, did I tell you? It's a killer.
-You didn't lie.
-Ally, I'm done asking you.
I want the toys picked up now.
-No!
-If you don't do what I'm telling you right now,
you can forget about dessert.
-No dessert.
-I don't want any stupid dessert.
-Oh, my!
-Sure you do.
-Ray, I can't take this anymore.
Could you handle it, please?
-I got it. All right.
-Ally, wash your hands and do what...
-Don't make Mommy mad.
-No.
-Look, you have to do what Mommy says.
-Why?
-'Cause I do.
-Grandma's got some candy for a girl...
-No.
-...who cleans up.
-No candy, Mom. Come on.
-Mom, you don't pay her upfront.
-Just watch. All right, now, honey,
clean up, sweetheart.
-No.
-Candy always worked.
-I don't know what Debra's done
to this child.
-Look, just let me handle it, all right?
-Ally, I'm gonna give you to the count of three.
-If you don't start picking up your toys,
no TV for a week.
-One...
-two....
-I'm not kidding. One, two....
-This is it.
-Two-and-a-half.
-Two-and-three-quarters.
-Let me tell you something, Ally.
I don't know any more fractions.
Okay?
-Three. That's all. No TV for a week.
-No!
-What happened?
-I handled it, all right?
Everything... everything worked out.
-I hate you!
-Okay, folks, let's keep it moving.
Show's over.
-Nothing more to see here. Let's go.
-What's wrong with you?
-How can you yell at your child
in front of other people?
-Don't you know
how humiliating that could be?
-I hate you.
-Hey, lucky pants.
-Thank you very much, Ray.
-You're welcome.
-What did I do?
-You know, I haven't had
a minute to myself all day.
-When you take TV away from Ally,
you're punishing me, too.
-You know what my day was like?
-It went something like this:
'I wanna watch TV.'
-'No.'
-'I wanna watch TV.'
-'No.'
-Lunch.
-'I wanna watch TV.'
-'No.'
-'Hey, Lucky pants.'
-That's me. That's where I came in.
-Yeah. What are you gonna do for me next, Ray?
Take away her nap time?
-When a kid misbehaves, you take away
something that's important to her.
-What would you have done?
-Honestly, I have no idea.
-Well, then I think we shouldn't
dump on the people who have ideas.
-Okay, here's an idea, then.
-'Parent Effectiveness Training. Coping
with your child's behavioral challenges.'
-Where did you get this?
-They were sticking them
on the windshield at Chuck E. Cheese's
(a chain of restaurants which provide a lot of entertainment for family plus food).
-Come on. Look, we don't need classes.
We're great parents.
-All right, you're a great parent,
and I'm your lovely assistant.
-I don't feel like a great parent.
-Great parents don't find themselves
in the supermarket going:
-'We don't throw plums.'
-I need a class. We need a class.
-A parenting class?
-That's supposed to come natural.
That would be like taking a smelling class.
-So you have nothing to learn here?
-Come on.
-My mom and dad
never took a parenting class.
-I'm signing them up for this.
-So if you've ruled out any medical problem,
and your child is still wetting the bed...
-he may be trying to tell you something.
-He's telling you, 'I have to pee.'
-I think we're gonna wrap it up for tonight...
-but before we do,
are there any other questions?
-Yes, Debra.
-We have a 6-year-oId daughter,
and she's a great kid...
-but she's been having trouble listening,
and she's been very stubborn lately.
-That's every kid.
-It's not.
-It's just a phase, right?
-This is a perfect opportunity
for you to try some active listening.
-Thank you. We'll try that.
-Wait a second.
-So, active listening?
I'm not familiar with that.
-It's encouraging your child
to express herself verbally...
-without influencing her with your own
preconceived notions or opinions.
-Got it. Here we go.
-Why don't we try to illustrate this
with a little role-playing?
-Let's have you. Ray, is it?
-No.
-Yeah.
-Why don't you come
to the front of the class.
-Why don't you go, Deb?
-You'll be fine. Don't be shy.
-Now, Ray. Let's just say I'm your daughter...
-and I refuse to... to go to visit
grandma on her birthday.
-In this case, I happen to know Grandma,
and I can't say I blame you.
-Just hypothetically, Ray, all right? Focus.
-Let's just say, Ray, that you want to get
from your daughter what she's feeling.
-Go ahead.
-Do it.
-Okay, daughter.
-You have to go to Grandma's house.
-I'm not going.
-Well, you have to go. It's her birthday.
-I hate when you make me do things!
-It was not I making you go, okay?
It's Grandma's birthday.
-There aren't gonna be many more of them.
-I'm gonna stop you just for a second, Ray.
-You see, I don't think at this point,
we need to discuss Grandma's mortality.
-What are you doing, Ray?
-I'm playing the game.
-It's not a game.
-It's okay. It's okay.
-If I say to you,
'I hate when you make me do things'...
-perhaps you could acknowledge my feelings
by saying something like...
-'You feel you don't have any control
over our plans.'
-You understand?
-That doesn't sound like something
I would say.
-Just takes a little practice. Come on.
Let's keep going.
-Yeah, let's.
-All my friends are going to the park,
but I have to go to some boring party?
-You think that the party's gonna be boring?
-That's it, Ray.
-See, you're reflecting her feelings back.
-It's just a bunch of grownups
sitting around an old house.
-I want to be with my friends!
-But Grandma has that big bowl
of Coffee Nips.
-I don't care, and you can't make me.
-What are you doing?
-I'm not going.
-Please get up.
-Why do I have to go?
-I don't know.
-But why?
-Because I said so!
-That was big when I was a kid.
-Mommy said you gotta go.
-Leave Mommy out of it.
-Thank you.
-You better get up or...
-Or what?
-Or no more TV.
-No, Ray.
-Okay. Or you're going to boarding school.
-Do you always threaten?
-No.
-No, sometimes she yells.
-Oh, Ray.
-I'm sorry. We've run out of time.
Thank you all for coming.
-I'll see you next week.
-Ray and Debra, I'd like you
to stay after class, please.
-I think we need to talk.
-Nice going.
-What, my fault?
-You raised your hand.
-What are you doing?
-We've got homework to do.
-No. I'm not doing any stinking homework.
-You are the reason we got the homework.
-You're the brownnose
that had to ask a question.
-I'm trying to learn here, Ray.
-What am I supposed to do
with these exercises just by myself?
-Can you?
-No. You are gonna do them with me.
-Come on.
-Look, this time, you be the kid.
-It'll be less of a stretch.
-Okay, you think you can take me on?
-Okay, here. This is perfect.
-You're 12 years old,
and you refuse to shovel the snow...
-off the driveway.
-Ray, could you please shovel the driveway?
-No.
-Okay, I understand,
because shoveling the snow can be hard.
-Yes, so why did you ask?
-Because you're a member of this family
and we help each other.
-Yeah. Tough noogies.
-All right, time-out.
-What?
-Time-out!
-Are you being Ray, the little kid
or Ray, the big ass?
-I'd like to be both.
-Can we just do the exercise?
-Go ahead.
-Okay, I know that you feel
that making you shovel is unfair.
-Yes. I have to shovel the snow,
I have to take out the garbage...
-I have to load the dishwasher,
while you're up in bed...
-not sleeping with Daddy.
-Well, we all have chores we don't like to do.
-But in the future, Little Ray...
-if you feel that you have too much to do,
you just tell me...
-and I'll try to make things more even.
So how about that driveway?
-I'm too tired right now. I win.
-Ray, this isn't about winning or losing.
-You know who airways says that? The loser.
-I am just trying to do
this active listening stuff...
-and you are not playing right.
-You're gonna say that to your kid?
-It's obvious you're trying to screw it up.
-Well, I'm a real little kid.
-Yes, you are, and no TV.
-See?
-Come on.
-No TV. That's all.
-Yes.
-See, you couldn't do it, either.
-Yes, you are right.
-I just stink... I just stink at the whole thing.
-Come on. It'll be okay.
-Come on.
-I'll shovel the snow.
-It's not that. It's just that...
-when we got home tonight,
I tried this stuff on Ally...
-and it didn't work on her,
and it's not working on you, either.
-It's just not working.
-Come on. Don't worry. It'll be okay.
-It's all right.
-I'm flunking the class, Ray!
-You flunking haizi!
-Listen, don't worry about the class.
I told you we didn't need a class.
-The answer to how to stop plum throwing
is not in a workbook.
-This is a seat-of-the-pants operation here.
-What are we gonna do?
How are we gonna get Ally to behave?
-The crying is pretty good.
-Ray, get in on some of this.
-What's she doing,
just laying out a buffet now?
-This is supposed to be for the week.
-You'll cook some more.
-Go ahead, honey. You look hungry.
-I'll heat up the ziti.
-Listen, mom. When you were baby-sitting...
-did you change the twins' pajamas?
-Yeah. They're over here.
-I wanted to treat some of those old spots.
-We have a washing machine, Ma.
-Yeah, I know, but stubborn stains
need special care.
-Maybe you can take a class on that.
-I gotta go to grand parenting class at 3:00.
-Today we're learning 'got your nose'
and 'pull my finger.'
-Make sure you don't miss the seminar
on moving to Florida.
-Ma, get me the pajamas, please. And the ziti.
-Frank, what the hell is this?
-I'm not ready for ice cream yet.
-This is our tax refund check.
It was stuck to the bottom of the ice cream.
-You've been on my back for a month,
telling me that I lost it.
-I'm not the one who eats ice cream
in this house.
-You eat ice cream.
-Tofutti. I eat Tofutti.
-You tell your friends you eat Tofutti,
but you eat my ice cream.
-Take a look at the Tofutti.
There's not a dent in the Tofutti.
-If I do eat ice cream,
and I'm not saying that I do...
-I put it in a bowl like a person,
not on the table...
-where it gets stuck to an important check
that somebody accuses me of Losing.
-You know, in class, we were just doing this.
-Why can't you just admit this is your fault?
-Because I don't lose things, Frank.
-I'm organized.
-Not organized. Insane.
-She's got a shoebox labeled:
'Pieces of string too small to use.'
-That I should tie together into a noose.
-I got a beam all picked out!
-Yeah, I got a step stool for you.
-Wait. Just listen here for a second. Wait.
-So, Dad, you think Mom's being unfair?
-That's right.
-It's airways my fault
when she can't find something.
-Because I work like a dog
to keep this place straight...
-and he messes it up with all his projects.
-Ice cream's a project?
-You think Dad's being inconsiderate.
-Have you met your father?
-What about your consideration?
Do I ever get any thanks...
-for all the stuff I do around here?
-Like what?
-What is it you do?
-Didn't I fix the thing?
-That's true, Ma. He did.
-So Dad's feeling unappreciated.
-That's right.
-Come on. I don't appreciate you?
-How do I know?
-Yeah, evidently,
Dad isn't hearing 'thank you.'
-He wants 'thank you'?
-This isn't 'thank you'?
-I guess Mom's saying:
'Actions speak louder than words.'
-That's very good, Raymond.
-But sometimes we need to hear the words.
-Yeah. I need words.
-And I don't need words?
-I'm sorry the check
got stuck to the Chubby Hubby.
-You never said that before.
-No one's ever said that before.
-I appreciate you.
-Thanks.
-Holy crap. It works.
-The pot roast's ready.
-Great.
-I love your mother's pot roast.
-I'm gonna get an 'A' here.
-Careful, it's hot.
-How is it, chi-chi?
-Chi-chi like.
-What did you do?
-Debbie, you're not gonna believe this.
-Why did you do this, Ally?
-This is terrible.
-Oh, great.
-This is Michael's giraffe. He's crying now.
Why did you do this?
-'Cause.
-''Cause' is not an answer.
-Active Listening.
-Ray, that doesn't work.
-It works. I just used it
on the worst kids in the neighborhood.
-Look at this. Look what she did.
-Try it.
-No, Ray!
-Okay, you want me to do it?
-No, I'll do it.
-Okay. Ally, Let's talk about what you did.
-I don't wanna talk.
-Are you feeling angry?
-Reflect back.
-You're angry?
-Yes.
-Okay, but it's not okay to rip up toys
when we're angry.
-Judgmental.
-You are angry because....
-Because it used to be your toy.
-Yes.
-I don't like Michael and Geoffrey.
-I see, Isee
-You think that Mommy and Daddy
pay too much attention...
-to Michael and Geoffrey.
-Okay, I was handling this.
-They get everything.
-Right, and you're upset...
-because we gave them your old giraffe.
-I still liked it.
-But you weren't playing with it.
-That doesn't matter, though...
-because it was still yours, and you're mad...
-because we gave it to Michael
without asking you, right?
-Right.
-Well, mommy and daddy made a mistake,
and everybody makes mistakes.
-Right, Mommy?
-Yes.
-You feel better now, Ally?
-Yes. Can I have the giraffe?
-Well, it's broken, honey.
-I know.
-I wannna try to fix it for Michael.
-Here, sweetie.
-Thank you, daddy.
-See how I did that?
-Yeah. Can't believe it.
-It's pretty amazing. You did it.
-Anything else need taken care of
while I'm around here?
-No.
-What? What's the matter?
-Nothing with you, obviously.
-Don't go by me. I'm a natural.
-Don't worry. You'll get it.
-Don't act so proud of yourself.
-If I hadn't dragged you to that stupid class...
-you'd still be standing there going, 'No TV.'
-You're feeling inadequate
'cause I mastered it before you.
-Don't give me that active listening crap.
-Where do you get off listening to me?
-Never happen again.
-It's chickens eating chickens.
That's why it's funny.
-You got any Kleenex?
-Don't give him any.
-We got five boxes open over there.
-They're all halfway down.
-The tissues don't pop up anymore.
-You reach in,
your hand gets stuck in the box.
-Your hand gets stuck in the box
because you shove it in like an animal.
-Watch this. So, Ma,
you think Dad's being wasteful...
-and Dad, you think
Mom's being unreasonable.
-And a nag.
-A nag?
-You bitter, miserable man.
-Why do you think that is, Marie?
-I'm sleeping here tonight.
-Good!
-Nice job, Professor.
-No TV.