Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 2, Episode 15 - Marie's Meatballs - full transcript
Debra tries to learn how to make Marie's famous meatballs.
- Hey, sniggles.
- Hey.
Glad you're home.
I made you some lemon chicken.
- Oh, yeah? Good. Good.
I'm starving.
- Good.
- Hi.
Raymond, I saw the car.
Are you hungry?
- Oh, marie, I already made him
some lemon chicken.
- Yeah, but you know
how he loves
My spaghetti and meatballs.
- Yeah, ray, go ahead.
If you want spaghetti
and meatballs, go ahead.
- No, no, the lemon chicken.
I mean, I'm eating
the lemon chicken.
- Look, eat what you want,
'cause I can wrap this up
for later.
- What?
Nobody cares, right?
Well, give me
the meatballs.
- There.
- Great, great, great.
- All right, debra,
sit down. There's plenty.
Here, let me get rid
of that for you.
- Hi, I'm ray.
And I live here in long island
with my wife debra...
My six-year-old daughter
and twin two-year-old boys.
- My parents...
Live across the street.
Live across the street.
- How's it going
on mount everest? Heh.
Anybody die yet?
- Just go watch
your sports, okay?
- What?
What did I do?
What?
- You...You...
Picked your mom's
spaghetti and meatballs
Over my lemon chicken.
- Wait--wait a minute.
You--you said,
"have whatever you want."
- I know.
It's just...
I don't know. It's--
Oh, forget it.
It's stupid.
Just forget it, okay?
What the hell is wrong
with my lemon chicken?
- Nothing. Nothing.
It's fine.
- "fine"?
- Yeah.
- God, why didn't you just
come out and say it?
You hate my cooking.
- No, I don't.
Come on; you're very...
Hey, since when do you
care so much about cooking?
- I don't.
I don't. My mother
cares about cooking.
- All right, then why are we
talking about it?
- Because
I care about it, okay?
I don't want
to care about it.
It's just...Ugh.
It's the one thing that
I'm sensitive about.
- The one thing?
- All right,
the big thing.
It's--look,
all I'm saying
Is that, you know,
Given everything
that I do around here,
Why do I care so much
That I can't make
spaghetti and meatballs
For my husband
as good as his mother?
- Because...
Because you're
a good wife.
- Don't you ever, ever
call me that again.
- Oh, frank,
What are you doing,
putting back an empty thing?
- That's not empty.
There's some left there.
- Two drops?
Who's going to drink
two drops of juice?
- I am.
- All right.
Let me pour you
a nice glass of juice.
Say when.
- Right there's...
Perfect!
Ahh!
That was good.
I think I'll save
the rest for later.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Here's your pot.
- You hungry?
- No, no.
Well, you got any more
of those, uh, meatballs?
- Yeah. I'll make you
a sandwich.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, let me
ask you something.
How do you make
those meatballs?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, uh, you know,
I know there's meat...
And there's balling...
But what do you put in it?
Is there, like,
a recipe or something?
- I stopped using a recipe
years ago.
I cook from here.
- And you nag
from here.
Hey, how about
a sandwich for me?
- Here.
You can wash it down
with that.
What do you, put, like,
oregano in it and--
- All of a sudden,
you want to know how to cook.
What's wrong with you?
- It's not for me.
I want to get
the recipe for debra.
- What are you
saying, raymond,
That debra wants
to learn my way
Of cooking spaghetti
and meatballs for you?
- I think, yeah.
- That's wonderful.
- All right. So give me
the recipe, then.
- Oh, no, no. She can't learn
from a recipe.
I'll have to go over there
and show her.
- No. No, no, no, no.
No show. No showing. No.
Come on.
Just give me the recipe.
I'll give it to her.
- That's nonsense.
I'd love to show her.
You go tell her
that we're gonna spend
The whole afternoon together.
- Today?
- Yeah, of course.
- Good, that'll
give me time
To finish my sandwich.
- Hey, baby bop.
- Hey.
- You know, listen,
I was thinking about
what you said last night.
- Mm-hmm.
What if we just
asked my mother
To come over and show you
How to make those meatballs,
huh? Whatever.
That--that way,
you would feel better
Because you know
how to do it,
And that--
that's better, right?
What if she just comes over
And just shows you
how to do it, huh?
What do you think
about that?
- That would be horrible.
- Oh, boy.
- What?
- Hi, dear.
I'm so glad
you want help.
- I'm a good person.
Really, I am.
- Well, here's your official
Marie barone
spaghetti and meatballs kit,
Marie barone included.
Good luck.
- You know, marie,
You don't have to go
to all this trouble.
That this is something
you really want to learn.
- Yeah, I'm sure
he told you that.
I'm sure he would love
for me to cook like you,
Sure he would love
for me to be you.
- [laughs]
Well, let's start
with the meatballs
And see how far we get.
- Look, ma, maybe
this isn't a good time.
- No, no, no, ray, you want me
to learn how to cook.
I'm gonna
learn how to cook.
- You know what?
I'll go watch
the ball game with robert,
And then, if you need me--
Okay, okay.
- You're in craptown,
huh?
- Meet the mayor.
- All right, now...
To make
the perfect meatball,
The most important
ingredient is the love.
Without the love,
it's just a ball of meat.
- "ball of meat."
- right.
This is the most
essential thing.
Without this,
you can't do anything.
- Well, it depends on
how much is left, dear.
- All right, marie.
- Okay.
- There.
- Good.
- Okay, do your stuff.
I'm watching.
- No, no, no,
I'm here for you,
But you're the cook.
- Oh, honey,
I know you can do it.
- Oh, I don't know.
- No. Oh, now, honey,
Meat is nothing
to be afraid of.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Stand back, lady.
I'm goin' in.
Now, what do you
call this again?
- Ha-ha-ha-ha!
- All righty.
- Yeah?
- Wow! Yeah, they're good!
- Yes? Oh...
- I mean, they're good.
They're really good.
- Well, thank you.
I made them myself.
I mean, you know,
your mom talked me through them,
But I made them;
and you know what?
She was really
great about it,
And we really had fun.
- Fun with my mother?
- Yeah.
- Well, that's great,
and this is great.
- Oh. Hoo-hoo! Good.
- They're great.
- Okay.
Come on, kids, dinner.
We're having
mommy's meatballs, huh?
- You did it.
Wow! Wow! Wow!
- Maybe I sauteed
the garlic too long.
Was that
the weird taste?
- Come on, look,
we went over this ten times,
And remember
what we decided?
I don't care.
- Come on,
how bad were they?
- They're not bad.
They're not bad.
They're different
from my mother's, that's all.
You know what?
They might even be better.
- Oh, better.
You spit them out.
- All right. Okay.
Look, maybe you got
the recipe wrong, okay?
That's all.
- How could I get
the recipe wrong?
She was right there
with me.
- Well, maybe my mother
forgot to tell you
Something you were
supposed to put in it.
- Yeah. Yeah,
maybe she forgot.
Or maybe...
- What?
- Yeah, maybe she...
Eyecch! Huh?
- No.
- Huh?
- No.
No.
- No, ray?
Oh, you don't
think it's possible
That she deliberately sabotaged
my meatballs, huh?
- Do you hear yourself?
- Ray.
- Are you listening
to yourself?
- Ray, this is
the same woman
That walked in
to my thanksgiving dinner
With her own turkey.
- That's 'cause
you made fish.
- You told me
you liked the fish!
- All right, look,
okay, listen to me.
I know.
I know cooking is the--
The one thing that you're
sensitive about, okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But this is crazy,
Crazy, crazy,
crazy stuff here, okay?
There's no--
there's no conspiracy.
No, no, no. Listen.
The meatballs are not
exactly like my mother's,
And I'm saying to you...
We have a house.
We have a car.
Our student loans
are paid off.
You should be able
to sleep!
Good night!
- You're right.
I'm sorry.
Good night.
- Night.
- [quietly] hello.
Just want
to return a spoon.
[door closes]
- Ooh!
- Aah!
- Debra?
- Robert.
- Problem?
- Oh, no. No, no.
Um, ahem, I was just
returning this spoon,
And I didn't know where
your mother kept it,
So I was just
looking around.
- Oh. Oh.
Right here.
- Okay.
Great. Thanks.
Good night.
- Debra.
- Hmm?
- Were you really here
just for the spoon?
- Well, uh...
- 'cause, you know,
I've dealt with my fair share
of break-ins,
And, uh,
I have to tell ya...
It's never the spoon.
- Well, all right.
Um, actually, I--I just
wanted to take a look
At your mom's
meatball recipe,
'cause I tried to make 'em,
and, uh...
- Yeah, yeah.
I heard
your meatballs stink.
- No, they don't stink.
- That's not the word
on the street.
- Robert, I--I just want
to make 'em...
Perfect, you know?
Did you ever want to get
something just perfect?
- Sure, like when you wash
your car keys.
- Yeah.
- You ever
smell your keys?
- Robert, could you
do me a favor?
Could you just
show me
Where your mom
keeps the recipes?
'cause I just--I just wanted
to--to see
If I jotted it down
correctly.
- You want me to give
you my mom's recipe?
- Please, robert?
I mean,
I can't explain it.
I just feel
like second best.
- Second best?
I can explain it to you.
All right.
I think I know
where she keeps 'em.
- Thanks.
- Okay?
- Okay, here it is:
The box.
- I don't think
this is the right box.
- Oh, no. This is the box.
This is where
she keeps her stuff
For when she--you know.
- Oh, my god.
It's recipes.
Stuffed shells,
Steak pizzaola.
- Yeah, ray loves
the pizzaola.
- Eggplant parmesan,
meatballs.
- There you go.
- Okay, let's see.
Oh, no.
- What?
- It's exactly the same.
This is exactly
what she told me.
- Well, that's good,
isn't it?
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's great.
The only thing
different is me.
- Well, uh...
C-come on, deb.
You just need some practice,
that's all.
Hey, it took me
a long time
To get my keys
to smell right.
- Oh, now what?
You're runnin' away
to cooking school?
- Nope.
I'm packin' up
your mother's stuff.
I can't cook.
I shouldn't have tried.
- What are
you talkin' about?
- I saw the recipe.
- What?
- Yes, ray.
I snuck over there.
I saw the hatbox,
I found the recipe,
And they're exactly
the same.
- You went over there?
- Yes.
- Tonight?
- Yes.
Yes, and now I know that I can't
cook, so I'm giving up,
'cause I don't
have the love.
- You--you snuck
over there?
You went
through her things?
I gotta tell you
something, okay?
Say what you want
about my mother--
"oh, your mother!"--
yeah, my mother.
My mother
came over here,
And she spent
the whole day
Showing you how to make
the meatballs, okay?
That's my mother.
Huh?
Debra?
- Ray, what is this?
- What?
- This bottle of basil
that your mother gave me
Has another label
underneath.
- "tuh-rag-on."
- Tarragon.
- Oh, that's--that's
your weird taste.
- Uh-huh.
- That's not
in the recipe, is it?
- [laughing] no!
- Oh, my god.
- Uh-huh.
Okay, ray? Okay?
That's your mother!
- I don't get it.
- Do you still think
she's trying to help me?
- Listen, why would she go
to all that trouble?
Isn't it easier
to leave out an ingredient?
- For an amateur!
My god! This even
looks like basil!
Look at the label.
It fits perfectly on here.
My god, you know, this is
the work of an evil genius.
- I don't get it.
I don't get it.
- You know what I don't get?
I don't get that you couldn't
see my side of this!
You're so busy defending
your saint of a mother
That you make me out
To be some kind
of ungrateful nut case!
Well, who's
the nut case now, ray?
Who's the nut case now?
- Raymond, what happened?
Why did you call?
Is everybody okay?
- Yeah.
- You hungry?
- No.
- Then what's wrong?
- This, ma.
What is this?
- This--this is
a jar of tarragon.
Why?
- Just stop, all right?
'cause we know, we know.
We know all about it.
This is very bad, mom.
- How did you find out?
- Your fake label came off.
- Damn glue stick.
- You know, debra's right.
She's right. I don't
stick up for her enough.
I'm always giving you
the benefit of the doubt
'cause I don't
want to upset you,
And you pull something
like this.
Do you know what you did?
Do you know how crazy
you drove debra?
- I didn't mean
to make her crazy!
I just wanted her to try
to make the meatballs,
Fail, and give up.
That way, everything
would stay right.
- Right?
What--what makes
that right?
You have a problem, ma!
- Okay, okay,
I have a problem,
But let me ask you
something, raymond.
Would you come over here
so much
If I didn't
make food for you?
- Yeah.
I'd come over for...
Other things.
- What other things?
- These special moments.
- Raymond,
I'm your mother.
I used to do
everything for you.
And then, like, I blinked,
and you grew up.
What do I do
for you anymore?
I mean, what's left?
My food.
- Okay, mom, it's very,
very good food,
But, no,
you can't do this.
- Oh, I know, I know
it was wrong,
But, just, debra asked
for my recipes, and I panicked.
I'll understand if you don't
want to come over anymore.
- I'm gonna
come over more.
I just--I wanted you to see
what you did to debra.
- I know.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I know it was wrong.
I'll talk to her.
- She's pretty mad, ma.
- Don't worry, because
she's a mother too.
She'll understand.
- Yeah.
- You want somethin' to eat?
- All right.
- Oh...
That son of a bitch.
- So you see, dear,
this is a list
Of who gets what
when I, you know...
And here's you.
You were gonna get
all the recipes anyway.
I just wanted to wait
till I was gone
Before I was replaced.
Can you understand?
- I understand.
- So...
Here they all are.
- Oh, boy.
- Can you forgive me?
- Will I be able to make
meatballs as good as yours?
- Yes.
- Okay, I forgive you.
- All right.
- Okay.
- So use them
in good health.
- All right.
- That's nice.
Isn't that nice?
- Hey, where's
the steak pizzaola?
- Hey.
Glad you're home.
I made you some lemon chicken.
- Oh, yeah? Good. Good.
I'm starving.
- Good.
- Hi.
Raymond, I saw the car.
Are you hungry?
- Oh, marie, I already made him
some lemon chicken.
- Yeah, but you know
how he loves
My spaghetti and meatballs.
- Yeah, ray, go ahead.
If you want spaghetti
and meatballs, go ahead.
- No, no, the lemon chicken.
I mean, I'm eating
the lemon chicken.
- Look, eat what you want,
'cause I can wrap this up
for later.
- What?
Nobody cares, right?
Well, give me
the meatballs.
- There.
- Great, great, great.
- All right, debra,
sit down. There's plenty.
Here, let me get rid
of that for you.
- Hi, I'm ray.
And I live here in long island
with my wife debra...
My six-year-old daughter
and twin two-year-old boys.
- My parents...
Live across the street.
Live across the street.
- How's it going
on mount everest? Heh.
Anybody die yet?
- Just go watch
your sports, okay?
- What?
What did I do?
What?
- You...You...
Picked your mom's
spaghetti and meatballs
Over my lemon chicken.
- Wait--wait a minute.
You--you said,
"have whatever you want."
- I know.
It's just...
I don't know. It's--
Oh, forget it.
It's stupid.
Just forget it, okay?
What the hell is wrong
with my lemon chicken?
- Nothing. Nothing.
It's fine.
- "fine"?
- Yeah.
- God, why didn't you just
come out and say it?
You hate my cooking.
- No, I don't.
Come on; you're very...
Hey, since when do you
care so much about cooking?
- I don't.
I don't. My mother
cares about cooking.
- All right, then why are we
talking about it?
- Because
I care about it, okay?
I don't want
to care about it.
It's just...Ugh.
It's the one thing that
I'm sensitive about.
- The one thing?
- All right,
the big thing.
It's--look,
all I'm saying
Is that, you know,
Given everything
that I do around here,
Why do I care so much
That I can't make
spaghetti and meatballs
For my husband
as good as his mother?
- Because...
Because you're
a good wife.
- Don't you ever, ever
call me that again.
- Oh, frank,
What are you doing,
putting back an empty thing?
- That's not empty.
There's some left there.
- Two drops?
Who's going to drink
two drops of juice?
- I am.
- All right.
Let me pour you
a nice glass of juice.
Say when.
- Right there's...
Perfect!
Ahh!
That was good.
I think I'll save
the rest for later.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Here's your pot.
- You hungry?
- No, no.
Well, you got any more
of those, uh, meatballs?
- Yeah. I'll make you
a sandwich.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, let me
ask you something.
How do you make
those meatballs?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, uh, you know,
I know there's meat...
And there's balling...
But what do you put in it?
Is there, like,
a recipe or something?
- I stopped using a recipe
years ago.
I cook from here.
- And you nag
from here.
Hey, how about
a sandwich for me?
- Here.
You can wash it down
with that.
What do you, put, like,
oregano in it and--
- All of a sudden,
you want to know how to cook.
What's wrong with you?
- It's not for me.
I want to get
the recipe for debra.
- What are you
saying, raymond,
That debra wants
to learn my way
Of cooking spaghetti
and meatballs for you?
- I think, yeah.
- That's wonderful.
- All right. So give me
the recipe, then.
- Oh, no, no. She can't learn
from a recipe.
I'll have to go over there
and show her.
- No. No, no, no, no.
No show. No showing. No.
Come on.
Just give me the recipe.
I'll give it to her.
- That's nonsense.
I'd love to show her.
You go tell her
that we're gonna spend
The whole afternoon together.
- Today?
- Yeah, of course.
- Good, that'll
give me time
To finish my sandwich.
- Hey, baby bop.
- Hey.
- You know, listen,
I was thinking about
what you said last night.
- Mm-hmm.
What if we just
asked my mother
To come over and show you
How to make those meatballs,
huh? Whatever.
That--that way,
you would feel better
Because you know
how to do it,
And that--
that's better, right?
What if she just comes over
And just shows you
how to do it, huh?
What do you think
about that?
- That would be horrible.
- Oh, boy.
- What?
- Hi, dear.
I'm so glad
you want help.
- I'm a good person.
Really, I am.
- Well, here's your official
Marie barone
spaghetti and meatballs kit,
Marie barone included.
Good luck.
- You know, marie,
You don't have to go
to all this trouble.
That this is something
you really want to learn.
- Yeah, I'm sure
he told you that.
I'm sure he would love
for me to cook like you,
Sure he would love
for me to be you.
- [laughs]
Well, let's start
with the meatballs
And see how far we get.
- Look, ma, maybe
this isn't a good time.
- No, no, no, ray, you want me
to learn how to cook.
I'm gonna
learn how to cook.
- You know what?
I'll go watch
the ball game with robert,
And then, if you need me--
Okay, okay.
- You're in craptown,
huh?
- Meet the mayor.
- All right, now...
To make
the perfect meatball,
The most important
ingredient is the love.
Without the love,
it's just a ball of meat.
- "ball of meat."
- right.
This is the most
essential thing.
Without this,
you can't do anything.
- Well, it depends on
how much is left, dear.
- All right, marie.
- Okay.
- There.
- Good.
- Okay, do your stuff.
I'm watching.
- No, no, no,
I'm here for you,
But you're the cook.
- Oh, honey,
I know you can do it.
- Oh, I don't know.
- No. Oh, now, honey,
Meat is nothing
to be afraid of.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Stand back, lady.
I'm goin' in.
Now, what do you
call this again?
- Ha-ha-ha-ha!
- All righty.
- Yeah?
- Wow! Yeah, they're good!
- Yes? Oh...
- I mean, they're good.
They're really good.
- Well, thank you.
I made them myself.
I mean, you know,
your mom talked me through them,
But I made them;
and you know what?
She was really
great about it,
And we really had fun.
- Fun with my mother?
- Yeah.
- Well, that's great,
and this is great.
- Oh. Hoo-hoo! Good.
- They're great.
- Okay.
Come on, kids, dinner.
We're having
mommy's meatballs, huh?
- You did it.
Wow! Wow! Wow!
- Maybe I sauteed
the garlic too long.
Was that
the weird taste?
- Come on, look,
we went over this ten times,
And remember
what we decided?
I don't care.
- Come on,
how bad were they?
- They're not bad.
They're not bad.
They're different
from my mother's, that's all.
You know what?
They might even be better.
- Oh, better.
You spit them out.
- All right. Okay.
Look, maybe you got
the recipe wrong, okay?
That's all.
- How could I get
the recipe wrong?
She was right there
with me.
- Well, maybe my mother
forgot to tell you
Something you were
supposed to put in it.
- Yeah. Yeah,
maybe she forgot.
Or maybe...
- What?
- Yeah, maybe she...
Eyecch! Huh?
- No.
- Huh?
- No.
No.
- No, ray?
Oh, you don't
think it's possible
That she deliberately sabotaged
my meatballs, huh?
- Do you hear yourself?
- Ray.
- Are you listening
to yourself?
- Ray, this is
the same woman
That walked in
to my thanksgiving dinner
With her own turkey.
- That's 'cause
you made fish.
- You told me
you liked the fish!
- All right, look,
okay, listen to me.
I know.
I know cooking is the--
The one thing that you're
sensitive about, okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
But this is crazy,
Crazy, crazy,
crazy stuff here, okay?
There's no--
there's no conspiracy.
No, no, no. Listen.
The meatballs are not
exactly like my mother's,
And I'm saying to you...
We have a house.
We have a car.
Our student loans
are paid off.
You should be able
to sleep!
Good night!
- You're right.
I'm sorry.
Good night.
- Night.
- [quietly] hello.
Just want
to return a spoon.
[door closes]
- Ooh!
- Aah!
- Debra?
- Robert.
- Problem?
- Oh, no. No, no.
Um, ahem, I was just
returning this spoon,
And I didn't know where
your mother kept it,
So I was just
looking around.
- Oh. Oh.
Right here.
- Okay.
Great. Thanks.
Good night.
- Debra.
- Hmm?
- Were you really here
just for the spoon?
- Well, uh...
- 'cause, you know,
I've dealt with my fair share
of break-ins,
And, uh,
I have to tell ya...
It's never the spoon.
- Well, all right.
Um, actually, I--I just
wanted to take a look
At your mom's
meatball recipe,
'cause I tried to make 'em,
and, uh...
- Yeah, yeah.
I heard
your meatballs stink.
- No, they don't stink.
- That's not the word
on the street.
- Robert, I--I just want
to make 'em...
Perfect, you know?
Did you ever want to get
something just perfect?
- Sure, like when you wash
your car keys.
- Yeah.
- You ever
smell your keys?
- Robert, could you
do me a favor?
Could you just
show me
Where your mom
keeps the recipes?
'cause I just--I just wanted
to--to see
If I jotted it down
correctly.
- You want me to give
you my mom's recipe?
- Please, robert?
I mean,
I can't explain it.
I just feel
like second best.
- Second best?
I can explain it to you.
All right.
I think I know
where she keeps 'em.
- Thanks.
- Okay?
- Okay, here it is:
The box.
- I don't think
this is the right box.
- Oh, no. This is the box.
This is where
she keeps her stuff
For when she--you know.
- Oh, my god.
It's recipes.
Stuffed shells,
Steak pizzaola.
- Yeah, ray loves
the pizzaola.
- Eggplant parmesan,
meatballs.
- There you go.
- Okay, let's see.
Oh, no.
- What?
- It's exactly the same.
This is exactly
what she told me.
- Well, that's good,
isn't it?
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's great.
The only thing
different is me.
- Well, uh...
C-come on, deb.
You just need some practice,
that's all.
Hey, it took me
a long time
To get my keys
to smell right.
- Oh, now what?
You're runnin' away
to cooking school?
- Nope.
I'm packin' up
your mother's stuff.
I can't cook.
I shouldn't have tried.
- What are
you talkin' about?
- I saw the recipe.
- What?
- Yes, ray.
I snuck over there.
I saw the hatbox,
I found the recipe,
And they're exactly
the same.
- You went over there?
- Yes.
- Tonight?
- Yes.
Yes, and now I know that I can't
cook, so I'm giving up,
'cause I don't
have the love.
- You--you snuck
over there?
You went
through her things?
I gotta tell you
something, okay?
Say what you want
about my mother--
"oh, your mother!"--
yeah, my mother.
My mother
came over here,
And she spent
the whole day
Showing you how to make
the meatballs, okay?
That's my mother.
Huh?
Debra?
- Ray, what is this?
- What?
- This bottle of basil
that your mother gave me
Has another label
underneath.
- "tuh-rag-on."
- Tarragon.
- Oh, that's--that's
your weird taste.
- Uh-huh.
- That's not
in the recipe, is it?
- [laughing] no!
- Oh, my god.
- Uh-huh.
Okay, ray? Okay?
That's your mother!
- I don't get it.
- Do you still think
she's trying to help me?
- Listen, why would she go
to all that trouble?
Isn't it easier
to leave out an ingredient?
- For an amateur!
My god! This even
looks like basil!
Look at the label.
It fits perfectly on here.
My god, you know, this is
the work of an evil genius.
- I don't get it.
I don't get it.
- You know what I don't get?
I don't get that you couldn't
see my side of this!
You're so busy defending
your saint of a mother
That you make me out
To be some kind
of ungrateful nut case!
Well, who's
the nut case now, ray?
Who's the nut case now?
- Raymond, what happened?
Why did you call?
Is everybody okay?
- Yeah.
- You hungry?
- No.
- Then what's wrong?
- This, ma.
What is this?
- This--this is
a jar of tarragon.
Why?
- Just stop, all right?
'cause we know, we know.
We know all about it.
This is very bad, mom.
- How did you find out?
- Your fake label came off.
- Damn glue stick.
- You know, debra's right.
She's right. I don't
stick up for her enough.
I'm always giving you
the benefit of the doubt
'cause I don't
want to upset you,
And you pull something
like this.
Do you know what you did?
Do you know how crazy
you drove debra?
- I didn't mean
to make her crazy!
I just wanted her to try
to make the meatballs,
Fail, and give up.
That way, everything
would stay right.
- Right?
What--what makes
that right?
You have a problem, ma!
- Okay, okay,
I have a problem,
But let me ask you
something, raymond.
Would you come over here
so much
If I didn't
make food for you?
- Yeah.
I'd come over for...
Other things.
- What other things?
- These special moments.
- Raymond,
I'm your mother.
I used to do
everything for you.
And then, like, I blinked,
and you grew up.
What do I do
for you anymore?
I mean, what's left?
My food.
- Okay, mom, it's very,
very good food,
But, no,
you can't do this.
- Oh, I know, I know
it was wrong,
But, just, debra asked
for my recipes, and I panicked.
I'll understand if you don't
want to come over anymore.
- I'm gonna
come over more.
I just--I wanted you to see
what you did to debra.
- I know.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I know it was wrong.
I'll talk to her.
- She's pretty mad, ma.
- Don't worry, because
she's a mother too.
She'll understand.
- Yeah.
- You want somethin' to eat?
- All right.
- Oh...
That son of a bitch.
- So you see, dear,
this is a list
Of who gets what
when I, you know...
And here's you.
You were gonna get
all the recipes anyway.
I just wanted to wait
till I was gone
Before I was replaced.
Can you understand?
- I understand.
- So...
Here they all are.
- Oh, boy.
- Can you forgive me?
- Will I be able to make
meatballs as good as yours?
- Yes.
- Okay, I forgive you.
- All right.
- Okay.
- So use them
in good health.
- All right.
- That's nice.
Isn't that nice?
- Hey, where's
the steak pizzaola?