Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005): Season 2, Episode 11 - The Letter - full transcript
Marie has finally pushed Debra to her limit. Debra sends her a letter telling how she really feels about her.
- Honey.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I'm awake, right?
I have these dreams sometimes.
- I'm helen from tupperware.
- Yep, that's one of them.
- Oh, ray,
I'm so glad you're home.
Listen, you got to help me
get set up for this part.
- Oh, oh, that thing is tonight?
- That thing?
Ray, I told you about this party
again this morning.
You know, you never listen
to anything I say.
- Well, you say a lot.
- Who are the pizzas for?
- See, here's the funny thing.
- Ray.
- A couple of the guys might be
coming over to watch the fight,
Maybe, might be.
- Ray, I have been planning
this tupperware party for weeks.
- But, look,
the fight's only tonight.
I mean, come on, you can
get plastic jugs anytime.
- That's not a jug.
That's our innovative
pick-a-deli.
It's easy lift-up strainer
lets you select a pickle
Without getting
your fingers wet.
- Mm.
We're been living like animals.
- Ray, come on.
Don't ruin tonight for me.
I'm only doin' this
to see my friends for once
And to have a little fun.
- And to find out
what's on the cutting edge
Of food storage systems.
- Right.
[doorbell rings]
- Okay.
- Hey!
- Hi.
- Hi, come on in.
- Yeah, hi.
- Hey, ray.
- Ray, very classy.
Pay-per-view and dates.
- Do I pick them,
or do they pick me?
- Are these guys staying?
- No, they're only here
to watch the fight,
Which they will be watching
from upstairs in the bedroom.
- The bedroom?
Ooh, the hot zone!
- All right,
now, listen, ray.
Here's the deal:
I'm letting your friends stay.
- Thank you.
- All right, but they're
not allowed to touch anything.
I don't want them looking
in the closet or in the drawers.
I don't want them
trying on my shoes.
[doorbell rings]
- Hi, ray.
- Hi. Hi.
- Hi, ray.
- Hello.
- What's with the broads?
- Yeah. All right,
here's what's gonna happen:
Guys upstairs for the fight,
And ladies down here
for your crap.
- All right.
- Let's go.
Ready?
- Yeah, yeah.
Just want to
say good-bye to amy.
- Bye, honey.
Have fun.
- See ya later, amy.
- Okay, girls, it's time
to play barnyard bingo.
All: Oh!
- Winner gets a melon baller.
- Bingo!
That's what I need.
- Everybody think of your
favorite barnyard animal.
- Horse.
- Uh, duck.
- Deb, deb,
deb, deb.
Chicken.
Chicken.
- Raymond, I got
your crab and artichoke dip
For your sports thing.
Oh, hi.
What's all this?
- Big tupperware party.
- Tupperware?
Debra's giving
a tupperware party?
Oh, I didn't know
anything about this.
- Ray, I told you
to invite your mother.
Did you forget?
- Yes, I did.
- Sorry, marie.
Listen, just have a seat.
I'll get you a soda.
- Okay.
You have to think of your
favorite barnyard animal.
- Okay.
Oh, I like that movie "babe"
with the talking pig.
I'll be that.
What do you think,
debra?
- I'm gonna
get the sodas.
- Honey, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I totally forgot
that you told me to invite her.
- You didn't forget.
I never told you
to invite her
Because
I didn't want her here.
- So this wasn't my fault.
- I just can't believe this.
I can't have one night
with my friends
Without her here butting in
and making me crazy.
- Yeah, well,
what are you gonna do,
Call off the party
and maybe let my friends
Come down and watch
the fight on the big tv?
- No, ray. No, no.
I'm just gonna
make the best of this.
I mean,
I have my friends here,
Maybe your mother will
buy a lot of tupperware.
- That's the spirit.
Come on, debra.
We need you.
You're our chicken.
- Okay.
Cocka-freakin'-doodle do.
- So bernie says to me,
"all right, I'm gonna
get the curtain rods
For the bay windows."
What, do you think
he measures it first? No.
He says to me,
"I can eyeball it."
- Why don't men
ever want to measure anything?
- Why do you think?
[laughter]
- Why?
- Anyway, I got to tell ya,
He had to go back to that
hardware store 12 times.
- 12 times
to buy curtain rods?
Maybe bernie's
fooling around.
- [laughs weakly]
I have to use your phone.
- Okay,
for more free tupperware,
It's time to play
"guess whose nightie?"
[all whooping]
Did everybody put
their nightie in the bag?
- Yes, ma'am!
- Yes.
- No,
I didn't bring one.
I wasn't told
about the party.
- Well,
why don't you pick first?
- Okay.
Ooh!
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
- I guess amy.
- Yes!
- Amy? No.
- Well, I never wear it.
Actually, I bought it
special for this game.
Really.
Robert's never seen it.
I'm sorry.
- Well, let's pick again.
- Oh, okay.
Oh, my,
what is this?
- Marie,
it's not your turn.
You had your turn
already.
[fabric tears]
- no!
I wore that
on my honeymoon.
- I'm sorry, gayle.
I'm so sorry.
I could just
put it back to--
- Bernie's not home.
I called the office.
I called nemo's.
Where is he?
- Oh, my god,
I was only joking, dear.
I never would
have said anything
If I thought
he was cheating.
- You call that
a fight?
- Fight?
I thought those two guys
Were gonna skip out of the ring
and go antiquing.
- Want to catch
a good fight?
Wait'll debra
sees our bedspread.
- Good night,
ladies.
Anybody need a ride?
- What's your hurry?
Stay a while.
I made my special dip.
- Ray.
- Ma,
we've eaten already, really.
- Well,
what about all this food
That debra made
that nobody touched?
What are these, sandwiches?
- Mrs. Barone,
I don't know what's in this dip,
But if you
weren't married...
- Take her.
I'll throw in the dip.
- I'm sorry, debra.
I have to go.
- Oh, no.
- Hey, tell bernie
I said "hi."
- Yeah, right!
- Linda...
- Come on, guys. Sit down.
- Marie,
I'm sure ray's friends
Are not interested
in tupperware.
- Actually, I could use
some new ice trays.
My cubes smell.
- Amy, what is this
doin' here?
Did ma see this?
- Holy crap!
It's a whole bag
of nighties.
- No, frank, that--
It's for a game.
Just--
- I'm in!
- You know, I should
probably get going too.
- Oh, please.
Now, wait. Wait.
There's still lots
of free stuff here.
Well, at least
take catalogs!
This territory blows.
- Gayle, please,
can't you stay?
You know, these guys
are leavin' in just a minute.
Oh, god, this is
not what I wanted!
- Of course it isn't, dear.
Nobody wants
to give a bad party.
- Hey, that tupperware stuff
is pretty good.
I just did my whole back
with that scrub brush.
- That's for fruit.
- You might want
to rinse that.
Still mad
about the party?
- No, I'm fine.
- Good.
What's that
you're writin' there?
- A letter to your mother.
- [quietly]
why?
- Well, to start with,
she ruined my party.
- You're writing that?
- Yep.
- Yeah, but it's for therapy.
You're not gonna send it.
- Oh, I'm sending it.
- No! No! No! No!
Stop and listen
for a second.
Come on,
if anybody ruined the party,
It was the guys,
and they were my fault.
So you should write me.
Write me a letter.
- No, ray, I can't keep
blaming her for everything
And I have never actually
told her how she makes me feel
When she does the things
that she does.
- But you don't
put that in writing.
Oh, no! No!
If it's in writing, then
you can't deny it, you know?
You can't
say things like,
"you didn't hear me right,"
Or "I didn't say that.
You must have misunderstood,"
Because there it is.
It's in writing.
- You know,
if it were up to you,
You'd have me
do nothing.
- Hey, let's not
underestimate nothing.
- No, no, ray,
I'm not spending
The rest
of my life this way,
With your mother saying
she's sorry
That you ever married me.
- She's never said that.
- She doesn't
have to say it to say it.
Everything
she does says it.
- Like what?
- Like when she rewashes
the kids' clothes.
- Okay.
- Yeah, and then she
rewashes the kids.
- Look, look,
All that stuff my mom does,
that's how she helps.
- No, no, ray,
that's how she criticizes.
Only good can come
from this letter,
And I'm doin' it.
- Mmm.
[whining]
[whines]
No, no,
don't do it.
Think it over.
- Let go! Let go of the pad!
Get off that!
Stop it.
- I had to try.
- You know what
you could try, ray?
You could try supporting me.
- All right,
all right.
Okay, you're right.
You're right.
I am. I am.
I'm gonna
support you.
Look, just 'cause
I can't confront my mother
Doesn't mean I should
stop you from doing it.
- Thank you, ray.
I appreciate it.
I do.
[sighs]
You know what I need?
- A hug?
- More paper.
- Hey.
- Hey, ray.
- Oh, hi, dear.
Want some waffles?
- Yeah, sure. Thanks.
Soooo...
You guys get your mail yet?
- No, why?
- Because I
was just wondering,
Because we didn't
get ours either, you know,
And sometimes we might
get something of yours,
And you might get
something of ours.
- What do you get of mine?
- You know, I don't know,
just junk mail.
- Like what?
- Whatever.
Uh, flyers and coupons.
- Where are they?
- I throw them out.
- You throw out coupons?
That's money!
- Look, I'm just--
all I'm saying
Is that you might
get some of my mail.
- Well, how much
were the coupons for?
- I don't know!
- Jeez aloo!
Did you get the one
for carpet cleaning?
- I don't know. Maybe.
- That's a $10 coupon!
I was looking
for that one!
- All right, look, dad,
I'll give you $20
If you stop talking
about this.
- You think
I won't take it.
I'll take it!
- I'll give it to ya!
- It would teach you
a lesson! Come on!
- No, no! You're not
taking his money!
- I'm gonna take it,
Because how else
is he gonna learn?
He's got to stop
throwing out people's mail!
- Well,
that's not how you do it.
If you want to
teach him a lesson,
You make him clean
the carpet himself.
That he'll remember.
You want boysenberry
or maple syrup, dear?
- Maple.
- Hey.
Waffles?
- Yeah, how many?
- Six, boysenberry.
- Is that the mail?
- Uhp, buhp, buhp,
buhp, buhp, buhp.
Hands off, sticky fingers.
Crap...Crap...
Crap...
Crap...
Coupon!
Here's one
that made it through.
Marie, do we need
our chimney swept?
- Here. This is
for your collection.
- Hey, marie.
This is a letter for you.
- Oh, how nice.
- Hey, ma, are we eatin'
or readin'?
- Oh.
Oh, this is odd.
It's from debra.
- Ah! You know what that is?
That's the invitation
to the tupperware party,
But you already went,
and you had a good time.
- No, no, no, no.
That's not
an invitation.
No, that's a letter.
- It's an invitation.
It's got a lot of pages
like this
Because it has
directions to our house.
- Now, come on.
- Dad!
- This is your mother's mail.
What is wrong with you?
"dear marie,
This letter has been
a long time coming."
- [chuckles]
It must be a thank-you note.
- Oh, yeah?
[chuckles]
- All right, dad,
give it to me now.
- No, no, no, no, no.
What does it say?
- "for eight years now,
"I've held my tongue
"and never told you
how hurtful and destructive
Your behavior
can sometimes be."
- Oh, my god.
- I have to go.
- Here. Sit down.
- Ma, look,
it's between you and debra,
And you should go over
there
And read that yourself
and let me out.
- We have no secrets
in this family.
Keep reading, frank.
- With pleasure.
"just because
we are family
"and happen
also to be neighbors
"does not give you the right
to constantly interfere
In every aspect
of my life..."
[laughs]
[coughs]
ahem.
Ahem.
[coughing]
"from raising my children
To my choice
of liquid fabric softener."
- I want you guys
to know right now
That debra
has a drinking problem.
- Keep reading.
Go on, keep reading.
- Stop it!
"I'm sure you
don't even realize
When you're being overbearing,
critical, and intrusive."
Is this a petition?
Where do I sign?
- All right, all right.
I've heard enough.
- Oh, ma. Mom.
- "dear...
Debra..."
- Oh, no, ma,
not another letter, please.
- I'm intrusive?
Debra's not the only one
Who can throw around
fancy words.
Where's my dictionary?
- Oh, ma, stop.
Ma, she didn't mean it.
- Hi, uh, did you guys
happen to get the--
- Mail? Oh, yeah.
- Ray, did everybody
read that?
- You're my favorite writer.
- Hello, debra.
- Hello, marie.
- I got your special delivery.
- Marie, I'm sorry.
It was a mistake
to send that letter.
- Now? You say that now?
I got to tell you,
your timing sucks.
- I should have just talked
to you face-to-face.
- Go ahead.
- Oh.
- I've dealt with my fair share
And everyone should know
that this is a high risk--
- Eat your waffles,
robbie.
- All right.
- Look, marie, I'm sorry
that the letter upset you.
When I wrote it,
I was very angry.
- And drunk.
- It's just that sometimes
you're very hard to talk to,
And so I thought I could
say it better in a letter.
- I think you said it
very clearly, debra.
You think,
among other things,
That I'm intrusive,
critical.
- Overbearing.
- I have always known that
you felt that way about me.
You think
I'm all those things.
Well, maybe
I wouldn't be that way
If I was welcome
in your house.
- But, marie,
don't you see?
You're over all the time.
You don't give me a chance
to welcome you.
- Well, I-I-I-I...
Okay, maybe I am
those things sometimes,
But that's just because
That's my way of trying
to make us a family.
That's all I ever want.
- Well, that is all
I want too
Is for us to be a family,
a real family.
- But I always thought
That you didn't like
my being in your family.
- I thought you didn't
like me being in your family.
- Why would you say that?
- Well, you know when you
bring food over to the house?
- I do it because I care.
- Oh, but, see, I feel
like that's a criticism,
You know, like you're saying
I'm not as good as you.
- You don't have to be
as good as me.
I love you
for what you are.
- I love you too.
- Oh, I'm so glad we talked.
- Yeah, me too.
You know what?
The tupperware's in,
and it's over at that house.
You want to come over
and get yours?
- Oh, I'd love to, honey.
Oh, and the little scraper
for potato.
- Yeah. That's in.
- Ooh, I love that.
- You got to show me
how to make those potatoes.
- I will, and I'll show you
how to freeze them.
- What in hell's bathroom
was that?
- I-I think it was a fight.
- That's a fight?
- You know, like,
uh, a woman's fight.
- I'm glad we didn't order
that on pay-per-view.
- Robert, are you crying?
- No, no.
- See, ray, that letter
Actually made your mother
and I closer.
- I told you
not to send it.
- Look, you don't understand.
We had to have that blowout
to get past it,
And now that we did the letter
and it's behind us,
We can move on.
- Frank, what's debra's letter
doing in the garbage?
- You read it already.
- You don't throw this away.
Not ever.
Not...Ever.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I'm awake, right?
I have these dreams sometimes.
- I'm helen from tupperware.
- Yep, that's one of them.
- Oh, ray,
I'm so glad you're home.
Listen, you got to help me
get set up for this part.
- Oh, oh, that thing is tonight?
- That thing?
Ray, I told you about this party
again this morning.
You know, you never listen
to anything I say.
- Well, you say a lot.
- Who are the pizzas for?
- See, here's the funny thing.
- Ray.
- A couple of the guys might be
coming over to watch the fight,
Maybe, might be.
- Ray, I have been planning
this tupperware party for weeks.
- But, look,
the fight's only tonight.
I mean, come on, you can
get plastic jugs anytime.
- That's not a jug.
That's our innovative
pick-a-deli.
It's easy lift-up strainer
lets you select a pickle
Without getting
your fingers wet.
- Mm.
We're been living like animals.
- Ray, come on.
Don't ruin tonight for me.
I'm only doin' this
to see my friends for once
And to have a little fun.
- And to find out
what's on the cutting edge
Of food storage systems.
- Right.
[doorbell rings]
- Okay.
- Hey!
- Hi.
- Hi, come on in.
- Yeah, hi.
- Hey, ray.
- Ray, very classy.
Pay-per-view and dates.
- Do I pick them,
or do they pick me?
- Are these guys staying?
- No, they're only here
to watch the fight,
Which they will be watching
from upstairs in the bedroom.
- The bedroom?
Ooh, the hot zone!
- All right,
now, listen, ray.
Here's the deal:
I'm letting your friends stay.
- Thank you.
- All right, but they're
not allowed to touch anything.
I don't want them looking
in the closet or in the drawers.
I don't want them
trying on my shoes.
[doorbell rings]
- Hi, ray.
- Hi. Hi.
- Hi, ray.
- Hello.
- What's with the broads?
- Yeah. All right,
here's what's gonna happen:
Guys upstairs for the fight,
And ladies down here
for your crap.
- All right.
- Let's go.
Ready?
- Yeah, yeah.
Just want to
say good-bye to amy.
- Bye, honey.
Have fun.
- See ya later, amy.
- Okay, girls, it's time
to play barnyard bingo.
All: Oh!
- Winner gets a melon baller.
- Bingo!
That's what I need.
- Everybody think of your
favorite barnyard animal.
- Horse.
- Uh, duck.
- Deb, deb,
deb, deb.
Chicken.
Chicken.
- Raymond, I got
your crab and artichoke dip
For your sports thing.
Oh, hi.
What's all this?
- Big tupperware party.
- Tupperware?
Debra's giving
a tupperware party?
Oh, I didn't know
anything about this.
- Ray, I told you
to invite your mother.
Did you forget?
- Yes, I did.
- Sorry, marie.
Listen, just have a seat.
I'll get you a soda.
- Okay.
You have to think of your
favorite barnyard animal.
- Okay.
Oh, I like that movie "babe"
with the talking pig.
I'll be that.
What do you think,
debra?
- I'm gonna
get the sodas.
- Honey, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I totally forgot
that you told me to invite her.
- You didn't forget.
I never told you
to invite her
Because
I didn't want her here.
- So this wasn't my fault.
- I just can't believe this.
I can't have one night
with my friends
Without her here butting in
and making me crazy.
- Yeah, well,
what are you gonna do,
Call off the party
and maybe let my friends
Come down and watch
the fight on the big tv?
- No, ray. No, no.
I'm just gonna
make the best of this.
I mean,
I have my friends here,
Maybe your mother will
buy a lot of tupperware.
- That's the spirit.
Come on, debra.
We need you.
You're our chicken.
- Okay.
Cocka-freakin'-doodle do.
- So bernie says to me,
"all right, I'm gonna
get the curtain rods
For the bay windows."
What, do you think
he measures it first? No.
He says to me,
"I can eyeball it."
- Why don't men
ever want to measure anything?
- Why do you think?
[laughter]
- Why?
- Anyway, I got to tell ya,
He had to go back to that
hardware store 12 times.
- 12 times
to buy curtain rods?
Maybe bernie's
fooling around.
- [laughs weakly]
I have to use your phone.
- Okay,
for more free tupperware,
It's time to play
"guess whose nightie?"
[all whooping]
Did everybody put
their nightie in the bag?
- Yes, ma'am!
- Yes.
- No,
I didn't bring one.
I wasn't told
about the party.
- Well,
why don't you pick first?
- Okay.
Ooh!
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
- I guess amy.
- Yes!
- Amy? No.
- Well, I never wear it.
Actually, I bought it
special for this game.
Really.
Robert's never seen it.
I'm sorry.
- Well, let's pick again.
- Oh, okay.
Oh, my,
what is this?
- Marie,
it's not your turn.
You had your turn
already.
[fabric tears]
- no!
I wore that
on my honeymoon.
- I'm sorry, gayle.
I'm so sorry.
I could just
put it back to--
- Bernie's not home.
I called the office.
I called nemo's.
Where is he?
- Oh, my god,
I was only joking, dear.
I never would
have said anything
If I thought
he was cheating.
- You call that
a fight?
- Fight?
I thought those two guys
Were gonna skip out of the ring
and go antiquing.
- Want to catch
a good fight?
Wait'll debra
sees our bedspread.
- Good night,
ladies.
Anybody need a ride?
- What's your hurry?
Stay a while.
I made my special dip.
- Ray.
- Ma,
we've eaten already, really.
- Well,
what about all this food
That debra made
that nobody touched?
What are these, sandwiches?
- Mrs. Barone,
I don't know what's in this dip,
But if you
weren't married...
- Take her.
I'll throw in the dip.
- I'm sorry, debra.
I have to go.
- Oh, no.
- Hey, tell bernie
I said "hi."
- Yeah, right!
- Linda...
- Come on, guys. Sit down.
- Marie,
I'm sure ray's friends
Are not interested
in tupperware.
- Actually, I could use
some new ice trays.
My cubes smell.
- Amy, what is this
doin' here?
Did ma see this?
- Holy crap!
It's a whole bag
of nighties.
- No, frank, that--
It's for a game.
Just--
- I'm in!
- You know, I should
probably get going too.
- Oh, please.
Now, wait. Wait.
There's still lots
of free stuff here.
Well, at least
take catalogs!
This territory blows.
- Gayle, please,
can't you stay?
You know, these guys
are leavin' in just a minute.
Oh, god, this is
not what I wanted!
- Of course it isn't, dear.
Nobody wants
to give a bad party.
- Hey, that tupperware stuff
is pretty good.
I just did my whole back
with that scrub brush.
- That's for fruit.
- You might want
to rinse that.
Still mad
about the party?
- No, I'm fine.
- Good.
What's that
you're writin' there?
- A letter to your mother.
- [quietly]
why?
- Well, to start with,
she ruined my party.
- You're writing that?
- Yep.
- Yeah, but it's for therapy.
You're not gonna send it.
- Oh, I'm sending it.
- No! No! No! No!
Stop and listen
for a second.
Come on,
if anybody ruined the party,
It was the guys,
and they were my fault.
So you should write me.
Write me a letter.
- No, ray, I can't keep
blaming her for everything
And I have never actually
told her how she makes me feel
When she does the things
that she does.
- But you don't
put that in writing.
Oh, no! No!
If it's in writing, then
you can't deny it, you know?
You can't
say things like,
"you didn't hear me right,"
Or "I didn't say that.
You must have misunderstood,"
Because there it is.
It's in writing.
- You know,
if it were up to you,
You'd have me
do nothing.
- Hey, let's not
underestimate nothing.
- No, no, ray,
I'm not spending
The rest
of my life this way,
With your mother saying
she's sorry
That you ever married me.
- She's never said that.
- She doesn't
have to say it to say it.
Everything
she does says it.
- Like what?
- Like when she rewashes
the kids' clothes.
- Okay.
- Yeah, and then she
rewashes the kids.
- Look, look,
All that stuff my mom does,
that's how she helps.
- No, no, ray,
that's how she criticizes.
Only good can come
from this letter,
And I'm doin' it.
- Mmm.
[whining]
[whines]
No, no,
don't do it.
Think it over.
- Let go! Let go of the pad!
Get off that!
Stop it.
- I had to try.
- You know what
you could try, ray?
You could try supporting me.
- All right,
all right.
Okay, you're right.
You're right.
I am. I am.
I'm gonna
support you.
Look, just 'cause
I can't confront my mother
Doesn't mean I should
stop you from doing it.
- Thank you, ray.
I appreciate it.
I do.
[sighs]
You know what I need?
- A hug?
- More paper.
- Hey.
- Hey, ray.
- Oh, hi, dear.
Want some waffles?
- Yeah, sure. Thanks.
Soooo...
You guys get your mail yet?
- No, why?
- Because I
was just wondering,
Because we didn't
get ours either, you know,
And sometimes we might
get something of yours,
And you might get
something of ours.
- What do you get of mine?
- You know, I don't know,
just junk mail.
- Like what?
- Whatever.
Uh, flyers and coupons.
- Where are they?
- I throw them out.
- You throw out coupons?
That's money!
- Look, I'm just--
all I'm saying
Is that you might
get some of my mail.
- Well, how much
were the coupons for?
- I don't know!
- Jeez aloo!
Did you get the one
for carpet cleaning?
- I don't know. Maybe.
- That's a $10 coupon!
I was looking
for that one!
- All right, look, dad,
I'll give you $20
If you stop talking
about this.
- You think
I won't take it.
I'll take it!
- I'll give it to ya!
- It would teach you
a lesson! Come on!
- No, no! You're not
taking his money!
- I'm gonna take it,
Because how else
is he gonna learn?
He's got to stop
throwing out people's mail!
- Well,
that's not how you do it.
If you want to
teach him a lesson,
You make him clean
the carpet himself.
That he'll remember.
You want boysenberry
or maple syrup, dear?
- Maple.
- Hey.
Waffles?
- Yeah, how many?
- Six, boysenberry.
- Is that the mail?
- Uhp, buhp, buhp,
buhp, buhp, buhp.
Hands off, sticky fingers.
Crap...Crap...
Crap...
Crap...
Coupon!
Here's one
that made it through.
Marie, do we need
our chimney swept?
- Here. This is
for your collection.
- Hey, marie.
This is a letter for you.
- Oh, how nice.
- Hey, ma, are we eatin'
or readin'?
- Oh.
Oh, this is odd.
It's from debra.
- Ah! You know what that is?
That's the invitation
to the tupperware party,
But you already went,
and you had a good time.
- No, no, no, no.
That's not
an invitation.
No, that's a letter.
- It's an invitation.
It's got a lot of pages
like this
Because it has
directions to our house.
- Now, come on.
- Dad!
- This is your mother's mail.
What is wrong with you?
"dear marie,
This letter has been
a long time coming."
- [chuckles]
It must be a thank-you note.
- Oh, yeah?
[chuckles]
- All right, dad,
give it to me now.
- No, no, no, no, no.
What does it say?
- "for eight years now,
"I've held my tongue
"and never told you
how hurtful and destructive
Your behavior
can sometimes be."
- Oh, my god.
- I have to go.
- Here. Sit down.
- Ma, look,
it's between you and debra,
And you should go over
there
And read that yourself
and let me out.
- We have no secrets
in this family.
Keep reading, frank.
- With pleasure.
"just because
we are family
"and happen
also to be neighbors
"does not give you the right
to constantly interfere
In every aspect
of my life..."
[laughs]
[coughs]
ahem.
Ahem.
[coughing]
"from raising my children
To my choice
of liquid fabric softener."
- I want you guys
to know right now
That debra
has a drinking problem.
- Keep reading.
Go on, keep reading.
- Stop it!
"I'm sure you
don't even realize
When you're being overbearing,
critical, and intrusive."
Is this a petition?
Where do I sign?
- All right, all right.
I've heard enough.
- Oh, ma. Mom.
- "dear...
Debra..."
- Oh, no, ma,
not another letter, please.
- I'm intrusive?
Debra's not the only one
Who can throw around
fancy words.
Where's my dictionary?
- Oh, ma, stop.
Ma, she didn't mean it.
- Hi, uh, did you guys
happen to get the--
- Mail? Oh, yeah.
- Ray, did everybody
read that?
- You're my favorite writer.
- Hello, debra.
- Hello, marie.
- I got your special delivery.
- Marie, I'm sorry.
It was a mistake
to send that letter.
- Now? You say that now?
I got to tell you,
your timing sucks.
- I should have just talked
to you face-to-face.
- Go ahead.
- Oh.
- I've dealt with my fair share
And everyone should know
that this is a high risk--
- Eat your waffles,
robbie.
- All right.
- Look, marie, I'm sorry
that the letter upset you.
When I wrote it,
I was very angry.
- And drunk.
- It's just that sometimes
you're very hard to talk to,
And so I thought I could
say it better in a letter.
- I think you said it
very clearly, debra.
You think,
among other things,
That I'm intrusive,
critical.
- Overbearing.
- I have always known that
you felt that way about me.
You think
I'm all those things.
Well, maybe
I wouldn't be that way
If I was welcome
in your house.
- But, marie,
don't you see?
You're over all the time.
You don't give me a chance
to welcome you.
- Well, I-I-I-I...
Okay, maybe I am
those things sometimes,
But that's just because
That's my way of trying
to make us a family.
That's all I ever want.
- Well, that is all
I want too
Is for us to be a family,
a real family.
- But I always thought
That you didn't like
my being in your family.
- I thought you didn't
like me being in your family.
- Why would you say that?
- Well, you know when you
bring food over to the house?
- I do it because I care.
- Oh, but, see, I feel
like that's a criticism,
You know, like you're saying
I'm not as good as you.
- You don't have to be
as good as me.
I love you
for what you are.
- I love you too.
- Oh, I'm so glad we talked.
- Yeah, me too.
You know what?
The tupperware's in,
and it's over at that house.
You want to come over
and get yours?
- Oh, I'd love to, honey.
Oh, and the little scraper
for potato.
- Yeah. That's in.
- Ooh, I love that.
- You got to show me
how to make those potatoes.
- I will, and I'll show you
how to freeze them.
- What in hell's bathroom
was that?
- I-I think it was a fight.
- That's a fight?
- You know, like,
uh, a woman's fight.
- I'm glad we didn't order
that on pay-per-view.
- Robert, are you crying?
- No, no.
- See, ray, that letter
Actually made your mother
and I closer.
- I told you
not to send it.
- Look, you don't understand.
We had to have that blowout
to get past it,
And now that we did the letter
and it's behind us,
We can move on.
- Frank, what's debra's letter
doing in the garbage?
- You read it already.
- You don't throw this away.
Not ever.
Not...Ever.