Everybody Hates Chris (2005–2009): Season 4, Episode 6 - Everybody Hates Doc's - full transcript

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After becoming the manager of
Tattaglia's football team,

I only had time to work
at Doc's on the weekends.

Working two days a week seemed
like it was going to be a breeze,

and then Doc got a girlfriend.

Hey, Chris,

I want you
to meet my new leading lady.

Look-a here, look-a here.

Stacy.

Hi.

Hi

She'll be taking over
for me here on the weekends.



Doc's told me
so much about you.

He didn't tell me a thing
about you.

What do you mean, "taking over"?

Well, you know I can use
a little time off.

So I'll be minding the store.

We'll get along great.

And you'll be working
for a much better-looking bo.

Cool.

And remember,
whatever she says goes.

Yeah, no problem.

Are these cans always so dusty?

Problem.

Stacy may have been
a dream come true for Doc,

but she turned out
to be my worse nightmare.



There, all done.

Chris, you did it
all wrong!

I want everything on the top
to go on the bottom,

and everything on the bottom
to go on the top.

Why?

Because she's crazy.

Because I don't work for you,
you work for me.

I told you she's crazy.

And when you finish with that,

I have some errands
for you to run.

Wh she said I work for her,
she meant it.

I had to go for groceries,

get her dry cleaning

and mine her coal.

And when you're done,
go get me a new bird.

Believe it or not,

Doc's girlfriend was only the
seco-worst boss I've had.

Mr. Fong was the worst.

And I could only imagine
how hard it would be

working for him again.

Hey, quit imagining what it
would be like to work for me

and get back to work,
Lionel Richie.

I was happy
Doc had a girlfriend.

Too bad I have to kill her.

Everybody Hates Chris Season 4 Episode 6

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Since my father knew everything
there was to know about having jobs,

I decided to ask him
what to do about Stacy.

Hey, Dad, you ever had
a boss you didn't like?

I never had one I did like.

Why? You having trouble
with Doc?

Nah, I lovDoc,
it's his girlfriend who's...

Whoa, whoa. Son,
stop right there.

That's Doc's woman.

Whether you like it or not,
she's there to stay.

You think so?

The Beatles didn't break up
John and Yoko.

If it comes down to you or her,
you're gonna be out of job.

'Cause if you have a problem
with her,

you're gonna have a problem
with Doc.

But I've been on the job
with Doc for years.

She's been on the job
for a month.

Let's just say you two do
very different jobs.

Let's just say what he does to her

now she's doing to me.

You getting paid to do whatever
keeps that woman happy.

Like James Blin.

Why do I have to do that?

That's why they call it
a "job," Chris.

Apparently, you got it mixed up
with a vacation.

There's nothing I can do?

Well...

Don't you think that's taking it
a little far?

If it is,
then it must not be that bad.

While I wanted less attention
from my boss,

Tonya wanted more attention
from boys.

Hey, Tonya.

Do boys always pay attention
to you like that?

Sometimes.

Do you think I'm pretty?

No!

It's not that, Tonya.

Boys aren't paying
attention to me just
because I'm pretty.

It's because now
I'm wearing a bra.

A bra?

Yep.

That's why
boys like you?

Yeah.
Hi, Tasha.

How ya doing?

Hi, Robert.
What are you doing here?

Since having Stacy kidnapped
was out of my price range,

I decided to make my case
with Doc.

What are you
doing here, Chris?

You don't work
till tomorrow.

I came to talk to you
about Stacy.

I love Stacy. She came by today
and brought me a pie.

And if she was 13,

I'd probably have
to take her from you, Doc.

You'd have
to get past R. Kelly first.

Stacy
That is one fine... woman.

I think she's a real keeper.

What is it you wanted to ask me?

Can you lend me money
for a kidnapping?

Nothing. I just wondered
how you guys met.

Well, that's a funny story.

But not so funny
that we're gonna watch him while he tells it.

Anyway, while Doc was talking
Stacy up,

over at 'Nessa's
it was about to go down.

Hi. May I help you?

I hope so.

I need a touch-up,
I need a little trim.

I need some lowlights
and I need to get out of here inside of two hours.

You need an appointment.

I'm sorry.
We're all booked up.

No, you're not.

There's an empty
chair right there.

That client is running
a little late.

She' be here any minute.

Well, I'm here,
and she's not.

Excuse me. What do you think
you're doing?

I don't understand
why I have to wait to be served

while you hold
a spot for somebody

that obviously doesn't respect
your business enough to show up here on time.

Or is that why
the place is empty?

Now wait a minut
Miss Thing.

I have two questions for you.
Who are you and...

And who asked you?

I'm Stacy Deveaux.
It's French.

Mm, do you want to hear
some more French?

I know you.

You the one been messing
with Doc.

I am not "messing" with Doc.

We're a couple.

And that's a little bit
different than a mess.

Not too much.

Excuse me?

You're excused.

Okay, I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.

I'm sorry. We can't help you.

Yes, you are sorry.

And you don't need to help me.

You need to help yourself.

I know you are, but what am I?

I asked Greg
what to do about Stacy,

and he gave me the advice
he always gave regarding women.

I don't know what
to tell you, dude.

Thanks.

Stacy really
that bad?

Last weekend, she made me give
her grandmother a bath.

Chris, I hear you sneaking out!

Don't you leave me
in this tub again!

Why don't you just quit?
You can find another job.

Not like this one.

I mean, I make decent money,
it's close to my house, and...

I can make my own hours.

It's either Doc's
or I start dealing crack.

How come she's not with Doc
anyways?

Where is he?

He plays chess in the park
on weekends.

Just get her to go with him.

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

How am I supposed to do that?

I don't know, citizen.

Captain Obvious only gives you
the obvious solution.

The rest is up to you.

Kind oflike Google.

While Doc tried
to protect his king,

I tried to get rid
of his queen.

Where's your old lady?

I left her at the store.

No need to bring
sand to the beach.

Who you calling sand?

I had to get Stacy with Doc.

And once I went to the park,
I found out what I had to do.

I had to get Doc to take sand
to the beach.

Check.

Checkmate.

Here's your dress.

They said to give you
this card.

It's for another
dry cleaners you
might want to try.

It's in Canada.

Go get me some
egg foo yung at Woo's.

Ooh, I need
some stamps, too.

And then run by my
apartment and see
if the mail came in.

I don't want
my check to get stolen.

Before I went on my next run,

I decided to give her
the runaround.

So, um, what exactly
does Doc do on the weekends?

He's playing chess at the park.

At the park?
With the sugar daddies?

The who?

Oh, the sugar daddies.

You know, that's what the ladies
call them.

What ladies?

The ones at the park.

I can't get a girl to
talk to me at school, but...

these old men
have them fighting
over them.

If don't have a woman
by the time I'm 60...

...I'll kill myself.

...I'm picking up chess
and going to the park.

Mm, mm, mm,
I should have known better.

Should have known better what?

Known better than to listen
to a sneaky 15-year-old.

It is the same thing
over a over again!

And Stacy is tired of it!

Stacy is not a fool.

When Stacy smells smoke,

Stacy doesn't stand around
and wait for the fire!

Stacy is leaving!

Referring to yourself
in the third person.

It's not just
for athlete's anymore.

What do you want me
to tell Doc?

Tell Doc he can kiss...

Your black...?

Don't tell Doc anything.

It's not your job.

First time she ever said that.

I was like Cupid's retarded
little brother.

Damn good

After I dropped
the bomb on Stacy,

unfortunately, Stacy
dropped the bomb on Doc.

Hey, Doc.

What are you
doing here?

Where's Stacy?
She's gone.

I found this letter.

She said it's over.

Called me every
name in the book.

You can never find
that book at the library.

I don't understand.

Did something happen yesterday?

No.

Unless you think me sabotaging
your relationship is strange.

I just can't figure it out.

You okay?

I'm not feeling very well.

I'm gonna go in the back and lie down.

Get that bottle
of whisky for me.

At least he didn't ask me
for a box of tissues.

And get me that box of tissues.

Doc hadn't needed
whiskey and tissues

since Maceo Parker
left James Brown's band.

At Tonya's school,

her first day of wearing a bra
alsoinvolved a box of tissues.

Because, as it turns out,

they were useful
for the end of relationships

and for the beginning.

Hi, Tonya.
Hey, Tonya.

Inside of two minutes,
Tonya discovered

bras not only
got you attention,

they got you favors.

Can I buy you lunch?
Can I do your homework?

They got you gifts.

Voila!

You bought me a car?!

I-If you don't like it, I could get you another one
but I'll need a day.

And they also
got you questions.

Tonya, that's a nice necklace--
where'd you get it?

Oh, this boy gave it to me.

Well, give it back
you're too young to be getting gifts from boys.

Julius, don't get carried away
it's just a plastic necklace.

Next it'll be
a plastic bracelet,

then a plastic ring.

I want this to
stop at the neck.

He said that
till she turned 35.

Hey, Drew, how's Doc?

I didn't see him today--
he closed the store.

He's all depressed
because his girlfriend left him.

What?
Well, you
ask me,

Doc just dodged a bullet.

She was nothing
but a gold digger anyway.

What's a gold digger?

It's a woman who's with
an older man for his money.

Isn't that an "old digger"?

Just because Doc
has a little money

doesn't make her a gold digger.

Besides, what's wrong with
Doc having a younger woman?

Is that what you're gonna
say to me when I turn 60?

You just gonna leave
me and run off

with a 35-year-old cashier?

She should be about 12
right about now.

Why don't you run out and
buy her a plastic necklace?

Of the million things my father
could've said at that moment,

he chose the smartest one--
nothing.

Did Doc say when
he was gonna reopen?

He said he might never reopen.

I got rid of Stacy, my job

and Doc's will to live--
way to go, dummy.

Tonya!

Tonya, are you up there?

Tonya?

What are you doing?

I was looking for you.

Oh, well, it's time
for you to go to school.

Okay.

While Doc was feeding the bums,
losing Stacy was eating him up.

You spoken to Stacy?

No. She won't see me.

Drew said that you
were thinking about
closing up the store.

I'm gonna pack up my things
and move to Florida,

buy a boat...

be sad there.

You're leaving?

I know.

I know how much you
liked that job, Chris.

I'm sorry this
had to happen.

Especially since
it was my own fault.

When my mother found the bra
in my father's sock drawer,

she stared at it like
the woman was still in it.

Over at Stacy's,
I didn't know what was worse,

having to confess
what I had done

or feeling like
I was in the Bronx Zoo.

So, what'd you want
to talk to me about?

You got to give Doc
another chance.

Chris...

Doc is a liar.

And I know that you want
to take up for him,

but he doesn't deserve
another chance.

Ooh! He is like all the other men
I've ever dated!

He lied, they lied,
because they're liars.

The story of
the Bush Administration.

Doc's not like that.

He is.

Chris.

Don't grow up to be like that.

No matter how much
you think you may
hurt a woman's feelings,

you have to tell her the truth.

She may hate you,

she may burn down your house or...

pour bleach
on your clothes, or...

attack your
new girlfriend with ants

or take every dime
you make.

She may scratch your car
with a rake

or use your home phone
to call China long distance.

Or she could put milk
and detergent in your gas tank.

Or put turpentine and nail polish remover
and itching powder in your underwear.

(2 hours later)
She may glue your private parts
to your leg.

She may send an assassination threat
to the president with your return address.

Uh, Stacy?
Hm?

Doc didn't do anything.

It was me-- I lied.

Chris...

don't you see how he's using
a child to make excuses for him?

He not.

The truth is, Stacy...

I don't like you,

and I didn't like how hard
you were making me work.

I was trying to get rid of you.

Trying to break you and Doc up.

What?! Why wouldn't you like me?

You're making me
clean your house!

You missed a spot.
See?

Chris, everybody likes me.

No. Nobody likes you.

Except for Doc and Drew--
and Drew doesn't count;

he just likes pie.

How's that for honest?

Now she's gonna burn
your house down.

Are you gonna burn
my house down?

No.

Glue my eyelids shut?

Chris, no.

Just a little surprised.

A lot surprised.

Well...

Doc really misses you.

He didn't do anything to deserve this,
and neither did you.

So...

just wanted to
say I'm sorry.

Chris...

I am very disappointed in you.

And as soon as you finish
washing the dishes,

I want you out of my house.

Where you going?

I'm going to get my man.

Unless Apocalypto
throws a spear in you.

While one innocent man
was off the hook,

another was on death row
and didn't even know it.

I love this song.

Dinner smells delicious.

What is it?

Two breasts.

Since when have you
been interested in guns?

Since I found this bra in your sock drawer!

Rochelle...

What?

If my father had
been paying attention,

he would've noticed
a few things.

I don't know anything
about that bra.

I've never seen
that bra in my life?

So what was it doing
in your sock drawer?

I have no idea.

Oh. Did a pair of your socks
have a date last night and get lucky?

Or maybe a pair
of your socks

thought it was a bra
trapped inside socks' body!

Or maybe...you had a friend over,
and she put 'em there.

Even if I had a friend...

Shut up.

...and I was crazy enough
to bring her over...

Shut up.

...do you think I'd be crazy enough
to put a bra

in my sock drawer
when I know you do the laundry?

Would you shut up!

So you thought about this?

I told your ass to shut up.

No!

Then if youdidn't put it there,

who did?

I don't know.

Okay,

I'm gonna ask
this question once.

But before I ask it,

I want y'all to understand
what the stakes are.

Because if y'all say

that you've never seen
that bra before,

I'm gonna kill your father.

Yeah, and then I'm
gonna go to jail,

and then you guys are gonna be split up
and sent to live
in foster care.

Sounds like a BET
movie-of-the-week.

So, does everybody understand?

Okay.

Okay, the question is,

did anybody
sitting at this table

put that bra in your
father's sock drawer?

No.

Wasn't me.

We have a winner.

Okay, boys, you
can go to bed now.

Gladly!

Julius, you
can leave, too.

You're lucky.

Okay, Tonya,
talk to me.

W-Well, I saw these boys paying attention to girls
who wear bras,

so I stole Tasha's,
because I wanted some of that attention, too.

Baby...

Tonya, that's not the kind
of attention that you want.

You want boys to look
at what's in your heart,

not what's in your bra.

In my sister's case,
they were both empty.

Tonya, you're
moving too fast.

I mean, you're not
ready for this.

What did you do,
stick tissue in it?

Yeah.

Okay, well...

Tonya, you having
a bra is like...

you buying a saddle
before you get the horse.

You know, boys will
pay attention to you,

but they're not really
looking at you,

they're admiring
your saddle.

And-and-and...when you do
get the horse,

then everything
is different,

because then you
need the saddle.

Wait, are we talking
about bras or saddles?

Saddles!

It wasn't pretty,

but Doc had gotten his nights
back with his queen.

You know
your king's in check?

He most certainly is.

Stacy was back with Doc

and out of the store
on weekends,

which was all I ever wanted.

Doc had said he was
getting another cashier.

Whoever it was, they would
have to be better than Stacy.

Hey, Lionel Richie,
you're late.

Get busy. Scrub floor.