Euphoria (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name - full transcript
Snippets of memory collide with the present and future.
All right, y'all,
I'm finna head out.
Wait, you're, uh,
you're leavin'?
Yeah, I'm about
to leave right now.
Is-is everything good?
Yeah, before you go, bro,
I, I really gotta talk
to you about somethin'.
Like what, man?
Everything.
The fuck is you
talkin' 'bout, bruh?
Bro...
The fuckin' cops
found Mouse's body.
Sorry.
Did you hear what I said?
Ch-ch-ch...
I thought you
told me that Laurie
killed Mouse, right?
Laurie?
- Wha--
I never said that.
What are you
talkin' about?
Yeah, you know, Laurie,
the drug dealer that
lives in the apartment
complex off Kemper.
Yeah, you were
the one that told me
she killed Mouse.
I never said that.
- Yes, you did.
What are
you talking about?
- Are you high?
You know that
Laurie and those
fucking people,
they scare me.
Why are you trying
to protect them?
I'm not fuckin'
protecting anyone.
What the fuck is this?
- So, you're working for Laurie?
Hey, no!
So how about you
just shut the fuck up!
Okay, then why are you
trying to cover up a murder
that she committed?
All right, now.
Think it's time
for you to get outta
here, big fella.
Bro... we gotta figure out
what the fuck we're gonna say.
- Okay, this is becoming
a fucking issue.
- Wait, Ash. Ash, Ash!
No!
Do you ever think
about the future?
Yeah, all the time.
- Really?
Yeah.
Like you have a plan?
I mean, I don't, I don't got,
like, a plan-plan,
but I be thinking about
living on a farm, you know?
I don't really
see you as a farmer.
Yeah, fuck it.
Get some horses, cows,
pigs, chickens, goats.
Have a little family.
Like some "Little House
on the Prairie"-type shit.
You know?
I don't know
if I know that show.
You never heard of "Little
House on the Prairie"?
Okay, this might
sound kind of crazy but,
my plan is to have,
like, three kids at 30.
Like, each one
a year and a half apart.
So from 30 to 58,
I can focus on,
you know, being a good mom
and raising my kids,
et cetera, et cetera.
And then, drop the last one
off at college at 58.
Which will give me,
like, 32 years
to focus on me
and live my life
and take my time
with writing.
I mean, you really got
this shit all figured out, huh?
Yeah.
It's kind of crazy, right?
I mean...
they got, they got
three kids in that show.
There's no need
to forget your manners.
Just because we're
hundreds of miles
from civilized folk.
If you lived in a place
like this, do you think
you'd have a gun?
Hell yeah, I'd own a gun.
I hate guns.
Nobody's ever got shot at
and thought to they-self,
"Whoa! Thank goodness
we didn't have a gun
to shoot back." You know?
Yeah, but then what
are the police for?
Fucked if I know. Shit.
Wait, are you
on Instagram or Twitter?
Hell no.
- Really? Why?
- Oh yeah.
Well, why would
I want anybody
knowin' what I'm
thinkin' or feelin'?
I don't know.
You can connect
with people who have
similar interests.
Mmm.
I just feel like people
be sharin' way
too much on there.
- Online?
- Yeah.
They be ruinin'
the mystery, you know?
Like, say if I like a girl,
I wanna find out what she's
about on my own, you know?
I don't wanna google the scraps.
I wanna, I wanna
peel back the layers.
Yeah, but, like, why
would you wanna waste time
getting to know someone...
if you don't have anything
in common with them?
I don't know.
That's what I like
about you the most,
though, like...
we don't really
have nothin' in common.
That's not true.
We both...
have the same sense of humor,
and... are empathic and curious.
And wanna have, like, kids.
Those aren't interests,
you know, those are
real character traits.
It's--
That's the important
shit that, that
people don't post online.
Yeah, I never thought
about it that way.
Well, aren't you glad
that we became friends?
Yeah... very much so.
Yeah, me too.
Hey, Lexi!
It's going so well!
We're gettin' a lot
of really good laughs.
Yeah, let's not
get cocky, okay?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Oh god.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- ...thousand versions of myself.
Only do I look good,
but I fucking feel good--
Lexi, you really
outdid yourself.
I mean...
where did she find
these knock-offs.
- Oh shit.
I had no idea
that my sister
had this in her.
Good job, right?
Isn't she brave?
She's up here,
unpacking all of her trauma.
I had no idea how hard
your life was, Lexi.
- Shush!
- Can we give
a round of applause
for how hard Lexi's life is?
Come on, guys.
I know they hack
the heads off of women
in Afghanistan or wherever.
That's racist!
God.
It is nothing compared
to living in my shadow.
Yo, is this like
a part of the play?
- Is this part
of the play?
I don't know.
- Lexi.
Her name's Luna!
Is this part
of the play?
- Lexi?
Stop, please stop.
This is your show.
Come out!
You're the big star
of the day!
- Oh shit.
- Please, Cassie, stop it.
You're the star
of the night.
She's always wanted
to be the star.
Whoo-hoo! Go, Lexi!
This is your big moment.
Shine!
Please, stop. Please, stop.
Please, stop. Please, stop.
I should stop? Me?
I'm not the one
putting on a play
- to humiliate and embarrass you!
- I didn't do that.
Oh really?!
Then what is this?!
- What act are we in?
- Don't question it.
That's the brilliance
of Lexi Howard.
Hi, everyone.
I'm Suze.
I'm the girls' mom
in real life.
Oh my god.
Um, played by Ethan.
Where is he? Ethan?
- Who by the way--
he-- you have me down to a,
to a, to a science, honey.
- Thank you. Thank you, guys.
I appreciate it.
- He's gonna win an award.
Honey, let's go home.
- I deserve this, right?
- Oh my god, please, Mom, Mom.
- I deserve this?
Stop!
Mom, stop!
- Shh, you stop it.
Lexi, I'm going
to fucking kill you.
I deserve this, right?
Because I've actually
lived a life?
Mom?
I'm the one who takes risks.
Show us your boobs!
I'm the one who falls in love?
I'm the one who gets hurt,
not you, Lexi!
You never even fucking lived!
That's why you're able
to stand up here
and judge all of us!
You're just a fuckin'
bystander.
- Alright, alright--
- Mom, stop!
- Alright!
Oh, okay...
Well if that
makes me a villain,
- Whoo!
- Then so fuckin' be it.
I can play
the fucking villain.
Yeah, do it!
Lexi, is this
the part of the play
where I steal Jake from Marta?
No, Cassie,
that's not in the play.
It is now!
- Who said that?
Look, I wanna say,
I get it.
- Oh god...
- I understand what
you're going through.
- I do not want
to hear from you.
- I lived it.
Wait, Hallie steals
Marta's boyfriend?
I don't know how many times
I have to say this.
They were not
fucking together.
Yeah, not only that,
but she was fucking him
the entire time
Marta was talking about
getting back together with him.
No... Why?
Because Hallie
is a two-faced cunt.
- I'm not a cunt!
You're the cunt!
You're the fucking cunt,
bitch!
- I am not a fucking cunt.
Language, missy!
Okay, okay, you know what?
You're just fucking
embarrassing yourself.
- Let's go home.
- I'm not going home.
- The play's not over.
- Oh, my god.
I feel like
I'm gonna throw up.
- Mom, this isn't fair!
It's not her fault.
She's a writer.
- She's a writer!
- This isn't fair, Mom!
How can she do this--?
$3.25 for a grapefruit?
What is this, Venezuela?
Lexi, Lexi,
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
Okay, enough!
Mom!
- I don't know. I'm panicking.
- Go away. Just go away.
Stop. Stop it!
Oh, my god, yes!
Oh, that's it!
Oh, my god, I just
love fucking everything!
No!
I'm going to fucking kill you!
- Get the fuck off of the horse.
- Ow!
- Get off!
Get off!
You fucking bitch!
Oh, this bitch
needs to be put down.
No, no, no.
Maddy! No!
Maddy, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
- No, no, no, Maddy!
No, no, no, no, no!
-Maddy, no!
-Maddy, beat her ass!
- Fucking bitch!
Fuck you!
- Oh fuck.
Ooh!
♪ ♪
No, no! Stop! Stop!
Stop this! Stop, stop...
Maddy!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no!
Maddy! No!
Beat her fuckin' ass, Maddy!
She fuckin' deserves that shit!
She fucked your boyfriend!
It's all make-believe.
This is all scripted.
Can you believe this?
My baby's a genius.
- Close the curtain!
Close the fucking curtain!
Now!
A few days earlier,
I stopped by Elliot's.
Yo... Hey.
- What's goin' on?
- Ah, nothin' much.
I was just, uh...
walkin' around
the neighborhood.
Thought I'd stop by
and come tell ya
to go fuck yourself
for bein' a snitch.
Uh...
uh...
I know, but for real,
man, I, um...
I think you might've
accidentally saved my life.
So, uh, you know,
whatever happened...
however it happened,
you know, however...
it got to be...
whatever it is, uh...
thank God it did.
'Cause I wouldn't be here
to tell you that I forgive you.
And that feels...
that feels really,
really nice because, uh,
I have a lot of
"I'm sorry's" to do.
But not a lot
of "I forgive you's."
So...
thank you for that.
So, you're not doin' anything?
Nah, you?
Yeah.
- Don't worry.
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
- Thank you. Yeah.
You talk to Jules?
- No, you?
- Not really.
Yeah, that one's gonna
take me a little bit longer.
I get that.
- Can I play you something?
Uh, yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
Okay.
♪ I've got no place ♪
♪ Buildin' you a rocket
up to outer space ♪
♪ I watch you fade ♪
♪ Keepin' the lights on
in this forsaken place ♪
♪ Little star ♪
♪ Feels like you fell
right on my head ♪
♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ You and my guitar ♪
♪ I think you may be
my only friend ♪
♪ I gave it all
to see you shine again ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ Us against the world ♪
♪ Just a couple sinners
makin' fun of hell ♪
♪ If I keep you here ♪
♪ I'll only be doing it
for myself ♪
♪ Little star ♪
♪ Feels like you fell
right on my head ♪
♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ Yeah, I hope so ♪
♪ Think you may be
my only friend ♪
♪ I gave it all
to see you shine again ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ I know this thing is broken ♪
♪ So I leave
my door wide open ♪
♪ Been some time
since we've spoken ♪
♪ One day we'll meet again ♪
♪ Some distance
when you're older ♪
♪ You'll come laying
on my shoulder ♪
♪ Tell me that storm is over ♪
♪ That day we meet again ♪
♪ Feels like you fell
right on my head ♪
♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ You and my guitar ♪
♪ I think you may be
my only friend ♪
♪ I gave you away, mm-mm-mm ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
I'm still workin' on it.
I like it.
Um... truth or dare?
Truth.
Do you think we can
still be friends?
You know you're the one
who said we weren't
any good for each other.
I still think that.
♪ ♪
Yeah...
I, I found her.
I'm telling everyone
that that was a part
of the play.
It's the only thing
I've ever done
and it's a disaster.
It could be worse.
How?
It could be boring.
That's true.
I mean, how many shows
in the history
of East Highland High
has started a riot?
It's not even over yet.
Art should be dangerous.
The show goes on.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!
Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!
Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!
♪ ♪
Hallie... dust yourself off...
and get back on that pony.
Giddy up.
Let's fuckin' do this.
Um, as you may have noticed,
we're experiencing some
technical difficulties.
Um, but seriously,
I think we're gonna
need a few minutes.
Um...
I just wanted
to thank you all
for being here.
I didn't know
any of that was
gonna happen, uh...
A little bit ago,
I was talking to a friend
about this play,
and I asked him...
"What if I upset people?"
And he said to me,
"Sometimes, people need
to get their feelings hurt."
Um...
so even though he couldn't
be here with us tonight...
this one's for you.
I'm sorry, bruh,
but we have to make it
look like you ain't do this.
Just get out, man.
The cops are gon' kick down
that door any second, bro.
Even if they know that
you did this, bruh...
I'm still gonna
go down longer.
- No.
- Come here, bruh.
Listen to me.
Just go out there and surrender.
It's all on me, bruh.
You hear me?
- No.
- They gon' come in here.
They gon' find me
with the knife in my hand.
Tell 'em you had nothin'
to do with this shit.
Listen to me.
I did this shit!
I killed this muthafucker.
You hearin' me?
Not you.
Mm-mm. No.
C'mon, now go wash
your fucking hands.
I love you, brother.
♪ ♪
Ash, stop playin'!
I need you to walk out this
fuckin' door right now, bruh!
Ash, we not doin'
this shit, man!
How you think this
gonna end, bruh?!
You trying to die?
♪ ♪
Give me the gun, bruh.
Ash...
I'm not finna let
nothin' happen to you.
Now, give me the gun.
Come on, bro.
I'm not fuckin' askin', bro.
Come on, bro, please.
♪ ♪
Fuck!
Ash!
Ash, open the fucking
door right now!
I'm not playin' with you!
- Ash!
Open the fucking door!
♪ ♪
Wrong. I know.
Enough with the dirty dad joke.
Who is that?
You know him?
You're not even gonna
give me a hug, Dad?
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ ♪
That's your son?
♪ Just to be there
in your arms ♪
Yep.
Got all the best
parts of him.
Think I know
what part that is.
You know what I think
we have in common?
When we both get off
on hurting other people.
What do ya think?
- You wanna talk
about this upstairs?
No.
So, you, uh,
livin' here now?
Uh, or the moment, yeah.
Ya happy?
I'm figuring it out.
Sorry.
- Are you happier?
Why don't we go
talk about this upstairs?
- It's a simple question.
- Yes...
In some ways.
- That's not fair.
I know.
You don't get
to ruin our lives.
And then, just... move on
and get to be happier.
I've made a lot of mistakes.
When I was...
eleven years old...
I found these videos of my dad
fucking hookers in a motel room.
You know, for the longest time,
I had this recurring nightmare,
just over and over...
and in it, he was fuckin' me
the way that he fucked them.
Did I ever tell you
about that, Dad?
I think it's time that...
uh, that everybody go.
- Um, um, I need
to talk to my son.
- Oh god.
Good luck.
- Bye.
- See ya, buddy.
I spent my whole life
tryin' to protect you.
And instead of loving me,
you fuckin' hated me for it.
I'm not proud
of the person I've been.
I know that
I've hurt you.
I don't wanna hear it.
I tried to keep it separate.
I failed.
I fucked up, Nate...
but I love you.
I love you.
And I should've
protected you,
I should've
kept you safe,
and I didn't.
I didn't.
And there's nothing
I regret more.
I don't want your apology.
I just want revenge.
What does that mean?
What is that?
It's everything.
Everything.
Nate...
don't do this.
Nate, look at me.
Do not do this.
Nate, don't do this.
I'm, I'm,
I'm begging you.
- Don't do this.
- You are...
who you are.
I don't think you're
ever gonna change.
Chief Greenwood?
He's in here.
Thanks, Nate.
Appreciate it.
Cal, you're under arrest.
Put your hands
behind your head.
Both of 'em.
Hands up!
Ash!
Hands in the air!
Hands in the air!
Don't do this shit!
Hands up!
Hands up!
On the ground!
Open door right!
Get 'em up!
Come on! Come out!
Ash!
Ash, open the door!
- Don't move!
- Drop the knife now!
Don't shoot, don't shoot!
There's a kid in there!
Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
- There's a kid in here!
There's a kid in here!
- Drop the knife now!
Please, don't shoot!
Ash, come outta there!
Drop your knife!
Move slowly!
There's a kid in here!
Please, don't shoot!
- Please, Ash, come out!
- Move back to my voice!
- Keep backing out!
- Ash!
Come out, man!
There's a fuckin' kid
up in there!
Aaaah!
Ash!
Ash!
Don't shoot!
Ash, come on!
Get outta there!
Please! Ash, come on, please!
Don't shoot him!
It's a fucking kid!
Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Ash!
♪ ♪
Ash!
Ash!
Ash!
Ash! Ash!
Answer me!
Ash!
Shh.
He's down!
♪ ♪
I was in the hall
when you died.
You let out a loud cry
like you didn't know
what was gonna happen...
and then,
it was silent.
My... my first
thought was...
"This feels
like a movie."
I know a lot of people
feel that way when
traumatic things
happen to them.
Uh, at least,
I, I hear that a lot.
It didn't feel real.
It felt like a movie.
Uh, and this is it.
This is...
This is the part where
the character never recovers.
The part where...
life takes them down.
This is the s--
This is the scene
that scars her forever.
Lexi.
- Get dressed. It's your dad.
What?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Feel like your whole life
you've been forced
to take care of everyone.
I, uh--
I watched you die...
and all I could think about
was how none of it felt real.
The lights,
the heavy boots
of the EMTs
and their respectful,
quiet voices...
"Let's lift him on three."
It was so quiet.
I was numb.
I didn't care.
I wasn't feeling life
in the way it was meant
to be felt because...
I wasn't present.
I wasn't actually there.
I was just watching it.
But that's not true.
I do care.
And what if...
what if... the reason
it felt like a movie
was because I wanted
to believe that losing you...
is a part of a larger story.
One that maybe I could...
maybe I could still shape.
I... I remember
a couple of days before
you passed away.
You told me...
that if I ever wanted
to be with you...
all I would have to do
is close my eyes...
and we'd be together.
You said that...
memories exist
outside of time...
and have no
beginning or end.
You said as long as I live...
you'll be with me forever.
I miss you, Dad.
I miss you until
I close my eyes.
That's it.
Thank you.
♪ ♪
LEXI
Hey.
Hey.
Um...
I, I just, I just wanted
to tell you that I...
I thought your play
was really beautiful.
You might be the only
one who thinks that.
Yeah, well, could you
imagine if I, like,
hated it and Cassie loved it?
Um, but what are
you doing today?
Um, I was--
Yeah, just laying in bed.
Cool, well, um, can I...
maybe, like, come over?
Yeah.
Totally.
Okay cool.
I'll... see you later then.
- Okay.
- Okay, bye.
♪ ♪
I feel like all
the kids in high school
are super crazy.
It's literally
the same as eighth grade.
People are just
way more dramatic.
All the senior guys
are, like, nice.
How are you
feeling?
I don't know.
I'm okay.
♪ ♪
All right, all right.
I never see the five
of you little
babies together,
so we're gonna take
a photo, okay?
- No, Mom, please
don't take a photo.
- All right, everyone come
together like that.
Beautiful!
- Mom, no one wants
to remember this moment.
- Oh, you little
- sugar sweethearts.
- Please, stop, stop.
I think your play
was the first time
I was able to look at my life
and not hate myself...
for everything I've done.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
I think I've been
through a lot.
And I don't know
what to do with it.
But you've been through a lot
and you know what to do with it.
- I don't know about that.
- Lex, look what you made.
I don't know how to do that.
I don't know how to get
to where you are.
But I just wanted you
to know that seeing it
meant the world to me.
Do you think about
your dad often?
Me too.
I feel like I had
so much to learn
from him still,
you know?
I also think I'm
really angry about it.
Yeah.
Do you ever...
get angry about it?
It's a bit more
complicated than that.
What do you mean?
I think, like...
I was kind of relieved
when he stopped showing up.
'Cause I was so worried
something bad was gonna happen.
I get that.
Now...
every time the phone rings,
it's like...
You know?
But you figured it out.
You fuckin' figured it out.
When my dad died,
everybody would
tell me that...
he died
for a reason.
Ah, that shit
used to piss me off.
I would literally wanna
fucking strangle them.
But...
I think what they're
actually saying is that
you gotta give it a reason.
You gotta give all
this shit a reason.
Because I don't wanna
hold on to this forever.
I can't, I can't
hold on to it forever.
Just doesn't feel good.
It's just--
- I know other people are,
like, built different, but--
- Yeah.
it's too much for me.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No.
- No, sorry.
- I'm sorry. I didn't--
Lexi...
I promise you,
it's not all his fault.
I don't know for certain...
but I'm, uh...
I'm pretty sure he
wakes up every day
and he thinks,
"I'm gonna be better for her.
I'm gonna be there for her."
That's also the problem.
Because he only wants
to be better for you.
Because I know that
he loves you a lot more
than he loves himself.
Mm.
I don't know if that
made you feel better.
Thank you.
It's okay.
I miss you.
Do you know what's funny?
Nate broke up with me before
I even went on that stage.
Don't worry.
This is just the beginning.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Hi!
I know you're probably
still really angry at me...
but I just wanted to tell
you that I love you.
And I miss you.
So much.
Jules was my first love.
I'd like to
remember it that way.
I don't know if that's
actually true, though.
I think I was high
for too much of it.
I know it wasn't easy for her.
And I hope she forgives me.
I stayed clean through
the rest of the school year.
I wish I could say that
was a decision I made.
In some ways,
it was just easier.
I don't know if this feeling
will last forever...
but I am trying.
I remember Ali said,
"The thought of maybe
being a good person,
is what keeps me trying
to be a good person."
Maybe there's
something to that.
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm trying ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm trying ♪
♪ It's all I got ♪
♪ Is this enough ♪
♪ Hey Lord,
I wanna stay ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm fighting ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'll fight it ♪
♪ I don't know when
or how today ♪
♪ Hey, Lord,
I'm on my way ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm trying ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm trying ♪
I'm finna head out.
Wait, you're, uh,
you're leavin'?
Yeah, I'm about
to leave right now.
Is-is everything good?
Yeah, before you go, bro,
I, I really gotta talk
to you about somethin'.
Like what, man?
Everything.
The fuck is you
talkin' 'bout, bruh?
Bro...
The fuckin' cops
found Mouse's body.
Sorry.
Did you hear what I said?
Ch-ch-ch...
I thought you
told me that Laurie
killed Mouse, right?
Laurie?
- Wha--
I never said that.
What are you
talkin' about?
Yeah, you know, Laurie,
the drug dealer that
lives in the apartment
complex off Kemper.
Yeah, you were
the one that told me
she killed Mouse.
I never said that.
- Yes, you did.
What are
you talking about?
- Are you high?
You know that
Laurie and those
fucking people,
they scare me.
Why are you trying
to protect them?
I'm not fuckin'
protecting anyone.
What the fuck is this?
- So, you're working for Laurie?
Hey, no!
So how about you
just shut the fuck up!
Okay, then why are you
trying to cover up a murder
that she committed?
All right, now.
Think it's time
for you to get outta
here, big fella.
Bro... we gotta figure out
what the fuck we're gonna say.
- Okay, this is becoming
a fucking issue.
- Wait, Ash. Ash, Ash!
No!
Do you ever think
about the future?
Yeah, all the time.
- Really?
Yeah.
Like you have a plan?
I mean, I don't, I don't got,
like, a plan-plan,
but I be thinking about
living on a farm, you know?
I don't really
see you as a farmer.
Yeah, fuck it.
Get some horses, cows,
pigs, chickens, goats.
Have a little family.
Like some "Little House
on the Prairie"-type shit.
You know?
I don't know
if I know that show.
You never heard of "Little
House on the Prairie"?
Okay, this might
sound kind of crazy but,
my plan is to have,
like, three kids at 30.
Like, each one
a year and a half apart.
So from 30 to 58,
I can focus on,
you know, being a good mom
and raising my kids,
et cetera, et cetera.
And then, drop the last one
off at college at 58.
Which will give me,
like, 32 years
to focus on me
and live my life
and take my time
with writing.
I mean, you really got
this shit all figured out, huh?
Yeah.
It's kind of crazy, right?
I mean...
they got, they got
three kids in that show.
There's no need
to forget your manners.
Just because we're
hundreds of miles
from civilized folk.
If you lived in a place
like this, do you think
you'd have a gun?
Hell yeah, I'd own a gun.
I hate guns.
Nobody's ever got shot at
and thought to they-self,
"Whoa! Thank goodness
we didn't have a gun
to shoot back." You know?
Yeah, but then what
are the police for?
Fucked if I know. Shit.
Wait, are you
on Instagram or Twitter?
Hell no.
- Really? Why?
- Oh yeah.
Well, why would
I want anybody
knowin' what I'm
thinkin' or feelin'?
I don't know.
You can connect
with people who have
similar interests.
Mmm.
I just feel like people
be sharin' way
too much on there.
- Online?
- Yeah.
They be ruinin'
the mystery, you know?
Like, say if I like a girl,
I wanna find out what she's
about on my own, you know?
I don't wanna google the scraps.
I wanna, I wanna
peel back the layers.
Yeah, but, like, why
would you wanna waste time
getting to know someone...
if you don't have anything
in common with them?
I don't know.
That's what I like
about you the most,
though, like...
we don't really
have nothin' in common.
That's not true.
We both...
have the same sense of humor,
and... are empathic and curious.
And wanna have, like, kids.
Those aren't interests,
you know, those are
real character traits.
It's--
That's the important
shit that, that
people don't post online.
Yeah, I never thought
about it that way.
Well, aren't you glad
that we became friends?
Yeah... very much so.
Yeah, me too.
Hey, Lexi!
It's going so well!
We're gettin' a lot
of really good laughs.
Yeah, let's not
get cocky, okay?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Oh god.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- ...thousand versions of myself.
Only do I look good,
but I fucking feel good--
Lexi, you really
outdid yourself.
I mean...
where did she find
these knock-offs.
- Oh shit.
I had no idea
that my sister
had this in her.
Good job, right?
Isn't she brave?
She's up here,
unpacking all of her trauma.
I had no idea how hard
your life was, Lexi.
- Shush!
- Can we give
a round of applause
for how hard Lexi's life is?
Come on, guys.
I know they hack
the heads off of women
in Afghanistan or wherever.
That's racist!
God.
It is nothing compared
to living in my shadow.
Yo, is this like
a part of the play?
- Is this part
of the play?
I don't know.
- Lexi.
Her name's Luna!
Is this part
of the play?
- Lexi?
Stop, please stop.
This is your show.
Come out!
You're the big star
of the day!
- Oh shit.
- Please, Cassie, stop it.
You're the star
of the night.
She's always wanted
to be the star.
Whoo-hoo! Go, Lexi!
This is your big moment.
Shine!
Please, stop. Please, stop.
Please, stop. Please, stop.
I should stop? Me?
I'm not the one
putting on a play
- to humiliate and embarrass you!
- I didn't do that.
Oh really?!
Then what is this?!
- What act are we in?
- Don't question it.
That's the brilliance
of Lexi Howard.
Hi, everyone.
I'm Suze.
I'm the girls' mom
in real life.
Oh my god.
Um, played by Ethan.
Where is he? Ethan?
- Who by the way--
he-- you have me down to a,
to a, to a science, honey.
- Thank you. Thank you, guys.
I appreciate it.
- He's gonna win an award.
Honey, let's go home.
- I deserve this, right?
- Oh my god, please, Mom, Mom.
- I deserve this?
Stop!
Mom, stop!
- Shh, you stop it.
Lexi, I'm going
to fucking kill you.
I deserve this, right?
Because I've actually
lived a life?
Mom?
I'm the one who takes risks.
Show us your boobs!
I'm the one who falls in love?
I'm the one who gets hurt,
not you, Lexi!
You never even fucking lived!
That's why you're able
to stand up here
and judge all of us!
You're just a fuckin'
bystander.
- Alright, alright--
- Mom, stop!
- Alright!
Oh, okay...
Well if that
makes me a villain,
- Whoo!
- Then so fuckin' be it.
I can play
the fucking villain.
Yeah, do it!
Lexi, is this
the part of the play
where I steal Jake from Marta?
No, Cassie,
that's not in the play.
It is now!
- Who said that?
Look, I wanna say,
I get it.
- Oh god...
- I understand what
you're going through.
- I do not want
to hear from you.
- I lived it.
Wait, Hallie steals
Marta's boyfriend?
I don't know how many times
I have to say this.
They were not
fucking together.
Yeah, not only that,
but she was fucking him
the entire time
Marta was talking about
getting back together with him.
No... Why?
Because Hallie
is a two-faced cunt.
- I'm not a cunt!
You're the cunt!
You're the fucking cunt,
bitch!
- I am not a fucking cunt.
Language, missy!
Okay, okay, you know what?
You're just fucking
embarrassing yourself.
- Let's go home.
- I'm not going home.
- The play's not over.
- Oh, my god.
I feel like
I'm gonna throw up.
- Mom, this isn't fair!
It's not her fault.
She's a writer.
- She's a writer!
- This isn't fair, Mom!
How can she do this--?
$3.25 for a grapefruit?
What is this, Venezuela?
Lexi, Lexi,
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
Okay, enough!
Mom!
- I don't know. I'm panicking.
- Go away. Just go away.
Stop. Stop it!
Oh, my god, yes!
Oh, that's it!
Oh, my god, I just
love fucking everything!
No!
I'm going to fucking kill you!
- Get the fuck off of the horse.
- Ow!
- Get off!
Get off!
You fucking bitch!
Oh, this bitch
needs to be put down.
No, no, no.
Maddy! No!
Maddy, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
- No, no, no, Maddy!
No, no, no, no, no!
-Maddy, no!
-Maddy, beat her ass!
- Fucking bitch!
Fuck you!
- Oh fuck.
Ooh!
♪ ♪
No, no! Stop! Stop!
Stop this! Stop, stop...
Maddy!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no!
Maddy! No!
Beat her fuckin' ass, Maddy!
She fuckin' deserves that shit!
She fucked your boyfriend!
It's all make-believe.
This is all scripted.
Can you believe this?
My baby's a genius.
- Close the curtain!
Close the fucking curtain!
Now!
A few days earlier,
I stopped by Elliot's.
Yo... Hey.
- What's goin' on?
- Ah, nothin' much.
I was just, uh...
walkin' around
the neighborhood.
Thought I'd stop by
and come tell ya
to go fuck yourself
for bein' a snitch.
Uh...
uh...
I know, but for real,
man, I, um...
I think you might've
accidentally saved my life.
So, uh, you know,
whatever happened...
however it happened,
you know, however...
it got to be...
whatever it is, uh...
thank God it did.
'Cause I wouldn't be here
to tell you that I forgive you.
And that feels...
that feels really,
really nice because, uh,
I have a lot of
"I'm sorry's" to do.
But not a lot
of "I forgive you's."
So...
thank you for that.
So, you're not doin' anything?
Nah, you?
Yeah.
- Don't worry.
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
- Thank you. Yeah.
You talk to Jules?
- No, you?
- Not really.
Yeah, that one's gonna
take me a little bit longer.
I get that.
- Can I play you something?
Uh, yeah, sure.
Go ahead.
Okay.
♪ I've got no place ♪
♪ Buildin' you a rocket
up to outer space ♪
♪ I watch you fade ♪
♪ Keepin' the lights on
in this forsaken place ♪
♪ Little star ♪
♪ Feels like you fell
right on my head ♪
♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ You and my guitar ♪
♪ I think you may be
my only friend ♪
♪ I gave it all
to see you shine again ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ Us against the world ♪
♪ Just a couple sinners
makin' fun of hell ♪
♪ If I keep you here ♪
♪ I'll only be doing it
for myself ♪
♪ Little star ♪
♪ Feels like you fell
right on my head ♪
♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ Yeah, I hope so ♪
♪ Think you may be
my only friend ♪
♪ I gave it all
to see you shine again ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ I know this thing is broken ♪
♪ So I leave
my door wide open ♪
♪ Been some time
since we've spoken ♪
♪ One day we'll meet again ♪
♪ Some distance
when you're older ♪
♪ You'll come laying
on my shoulder ♪
♪ Tell me that storm is over ♪
♪ That day we meet again ♪
♪ Feels like you fell
right on my head ♪
♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
♪ You and my guitar ♪
♪ I think you may be
my only friend ♪
♪ I gave you away, mm-mm-mm ♪
♪ I hope it was
worth it in the end ♪
I'm still workin' on it.
I like it.
Um... truth or dare?
Truth.
Do you think we can
still be friends?
You know you're the one
who said we weren't
any good for each other.
I still think that.
♪ ♪
Yeah...
I, I found her.
I'm telling everyone
that that was a part
of the play.
It's the only thing
I've ever done
and it's a disaster.
It could be worse.
How?
It could be boring.
That's true.
I mean, how many shows
in the history
of East Highland High
has started a riot?
It's not even over yet.
Art should be dangerous.
The show goes on.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!
Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!
Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!
♪ ♪
Hallie... dust yourself off...
and get back on that pony.
Giddy up.
Let's fuckin' do this.
Um, as you may have noticed,
we're experiencing some
technical difficulties.
Um, but seriously,
I think we're gonna
need a few minutes.
Um...
I just wanted
to thank you all
for being here.
I didn't know
any of that was
gonna happen, uh...
A little bit ago,
I was talking to a friend
about this play,
and I asked him...
"What if I upset people?"
And he said to me,
"Sometimes, people need
to get their feelings hurt."
Um...
so even though he couldn't
be here with us tonight...
this one's for you.
I'm sorry, bruh,
but we have to make it
look like you ain't do this.
Just get out, man.
The cops are gon' kick down
that door any second, bro.
Even if they know that
you did this, bruh...
I'm still gonna
go down longer.
- No.
- Come here, bruh.
Listen to me.
Just go out there and surrender.
It's all on me, bruh.
You hear me?
- No.
- They gon' come in here.
They gon' find me
with the knife in my hand.
Tell 'em you had nothin'
to do with this shit.
Listen to me.
I did this shit!
I killed this muthafucker.
You hearin' me?
Not you.
Mm-mm. No.
C'mon, now go wash
your fucking hands.
I love you, brother.
♪ ♪
Ash, stop playin'!
I need you to walk out this
fuckin' door right now, bruh!
Ash, we not doin'
this shit, man!
How you think this
gonna end, bruh?!
You trying to die?
♪ ♪
Give me the gun, bruh.
Ash...
I'm not finna let
nothin' happen to you.
Now, give me the gun.
Come on, bro.
I'm not fuckin' askin', bro.
Come on, bro, please.
♪ ♪
Fuck!
Ash!
Ash, open the fucking
door right now!
I'm not playin' with you!
- Ash!
Open the fucking door!
♪ ♪
Wrong. I know.
Enough with the dirty dad joke.
Who is that?
You know him?
You're not even gonna
give me a hug, Dad?
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ ♪
That's your son?
♪ Just to be there
in your arms ♪
Yep.
Got all the best
parts of him.
Think I know
what part that is.
You know what I think
we have in common?
When we both get off
on hurting other people.
What do ya think?
- You wanna talk
about this upstairs?
No.
So, you, uh,
livin' here now?
Uh, or the moment, yeah.
Ya happy?
I'm figuring it out.
Sorry.
- Are you happier?
Why don't we go
talk about this upstairs?
- It's a simple question.
- Yes...
In some ways.
- That's not fair.
I know.
You don't get
to ruin our lives.
And then, just... move on
and get to be happier.
I've made a lot of mistakes.
When I was...
eleven years old...
I found these videos of my dad
fucking hookers in a motel room.
You know, for the longest time,
I had this recurring nightmare,
just over and over...
and in it, he was fuckin' me
the way that he fucked them.
Did I ever tell you
about that, Dad?
I think it's time that...
uh, that everybody go.
- Um, um, I need
to talk to my son.
- Oh god.
Good luck.
- Bye.
- See ya, buddy.
I spent my whole life
tryin' to protect you.
And instead of loving me,
you fuckin' hated me for it.
I'm not proud
of the person I've been.
I know that
I've hurt you.
I don't wanna hear it.
I tried to keep it separate.
I failed.
I fucked up, Nate...
but I love you.
I love you.
And I should've
protected you,
I should've
kept you safe,
and I didn't.
I didn't.
And there's nothing
I regret more.
I don't want your apology.
I just want revenge.
What does that mean?
What is that?
It's everything.
Everything.
Nate...
don't do this.
Nate, look at me.
Do not do this.
Nate, don't do this.
I'm, I'm,
I'm begging you.
- Don't do this.
- You are...
who you are.
I don't think you're
ever gonna change.
Chief Greenwood?
He's in here.
Thanks, Nate.
Appreciate it.
Cal, you're under arrest.
Put your hands
behind your head.
Both of 'em.
Hands up!
Ash!
Hands in the air!
Hands in the air!
Don't do this shit!
Hands up!
Hands up!
On the ground!
Open door right!
Get 'em up!
Come on! Come out!
Ash!
Ash, open the door!
- Don't move!
- Drop the knife now!
Don't shoot, don't shoot!
There's a kid in there!
Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
- There's a kid in here!
There's a kid in here!
- Drop the knife now!
Please, don't shoot!
Ash, come outta there!
Drop your knife!
Move slowly!
There's a kid in here!
Please, don't shoot!
- Please, Ash, come out!
- Move back to my voice!
- Keep backing out!
- Ash!
Come out, man!
There's a fuckin' kid
up in there!
Aaaah!
Ash!
Ash!
Don't shoot!
Ash, come on!
Get outta there!
Please! Ash, come on, please!
Don't shoot him!
It's a fucking kid!
Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Ash!
♪ ♪
Ash!
Ash!
Ash!
Ash! Ash!
Answer me!
Ash!
Shh.
He's down!
♪ ♪
I was in the hall
when you died.
You let out a loud cry
like you didn't know
what was gonna happen...
and then,
it was silent.
My... my first
thought was...
"This feels
like a movie."
I know a lot of people
feel that way when
traumatic things
happen to them.
Uh, at least,
I, I hear that a lot.
It didn't feel real.
It felt like a movie.
Uh, and this is it.
This is...
This is the part where
the character never recovers.
The part where...
life takes them down.
This is the s--
This is the scene
that scars her forever.
Lexi.
- Get dressed. It's your dad.
What?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Feel like your whole life
you've been forced
to take care of everyone.
I, uh--
I watched you die...
and all I could think about
was how none of it felt real.
The lights,
the heavy boots
of the EMTs
and their respectful,
quiet voices...
"Let's lift him on three."
It was so quiet.
I was numb.
I didn't care.
I wasn't feeling life
in the way it was meant
to be felt because...
I wasn't present.
I wasn't actually there.
I was just watching it.
But that's not true.
I do care.
And what if...
what if... the reason
it felt like a movie
was because I wanted
to believe that losing you...
is a part of a larger story.
One that maybe I could...
maybe I could still shape.
I... I remember
a couple of days before
you passed away.
You told me...
that if I ever wanted
to be with you...
all I would have to do
is close my eyes...
and we'd be together.
You said that...
memories exist
outside of time...
and have no
beginning or end.
You said as long as I live...
you'll be with me forever.
I miss you, Dad.
I miss you until
I close my eyes.
That's it.
Thank you.
♪ ♪
LEXI
Hey.
Hey.
Um...
I, I just, I just wanted
to tell you that I...
I thought your play
was really beautiful.
You might be the only
one who thinks that.
Yeah, well, could you
imagine if I, like,
hated it and Cassie loved it?
Um, but what are
you doing today?
Um, I was--
Yeah, just laying in bed.
Cool, well, um, can I...
maybe, like, come over?
Yeah.
Totally.
Okay cool.
I'll... see you later then.
- Okay.
- Okay, bye.
♪ ♪
I feel like all
the kids in high school
are super crazy.
It's literally
the same as eighth grade.
People are just
way more dramatic.
All the senior guys
are, like, nice.
How are you
feeling?
I don't know.
I'm okay.
♪ ♪
All right, all right.
I never see the five
of you little
babies together,
so we're gonna take
a photo, okay?
- No, Mom, please
don't take a photo.
- All right, everyone come
together like that.
Beautiful!
- Mom, no one wants
to remember this moment.
- Oh, you little
- sugar sweethearts.
- Please, stop, stop.
I think your play
was the first time
I was able to look at my life
and not hate myself...
for everything I've done.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
I think I've been
through a lot.
And I don't know
what to do with it.
But you've been through a lot
and you know what to do with it.
- I don't know about that.
- Lex, look what you made.
I don't know how to do that.
I don't know how to get
to where you are.
But I just wanted you
to know that seeing it
meant the world to me.
Do you think about
your dad often?
Me too.
I feel like I had
so much to learn
from him still,
you know?
I also think I'm
really angry about it.
Yeah.
Do you ever...
get angry about it?
It's a bit more
complicated than that.
What do you mean?
I think, like...
I was kind of relieved
when he stopped showing up.
'Cause I was so worried
something bad was gonna happen.
I get that.
Now...
every time the phone rings,
it's like...
You know?
But you figured it out.
You fuckin' figured it out.
When my dad died,
everybody would
tell me that...
he died
for a reason.
Ah, that shit
used to piss me off.
I would literally wanna
fucking strangle them.
But...
I think what they're
actually saying is that
you gotta give it a reason.
You gotta give all
this shit a reason.
Because I don't wanna
hold on to this forever.
I can't, I can't
hold on to it forever.
Just doesn't feel good.
It's just--
- I know other people are,
like, built different, but--
- Yeah.
it's too much for me.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No.
- No, sorry.
- I'm sorry. I didn't--
Lexi...
I promise you,
it's not all his fault.
I don't know for certain...
but I'm, uh...
I'm pretty sure he
wakes up every day
and he thinks,
"I'm gonna be better for her.
I'm gonna be there for her."
That's also the problem.
Because he only wants
to be better for you.
Because I know that
he loves you a lot more
than he loves himself.
Mm.
I don't know if that
made you feel better.
Thank you.
It's okay.
I miss you.
Do you know what's funny?
Nate broke up with me before
I even went on that stage.
Don't worry.
This is just the beginning.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Hi!
I know you're probably
still really angry at me...
but I just wanted to tell
you that I love you.
And I miss you.
So much.
Jules was my first love.
I'd like to
remember it that way.
I don't know if that's
actually true, though.
I think I was high
for too much of it.
I know it wasn't easy for her.
And I hope she forgives me.
I stayed clean through
the rest of the school year.
I wish I could say that
was a decision I made.
In some ways,
it was just easier.
I don't know if this feeling
will last forever...
but I am trying.
I remember Ali said,
"The thought of maybe
being a good person,
is what keeps me trying
to be a good person."
Maybe there's
something to that.
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm trying ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm trying ♪
♪ It's all I got ♪
♪ Is this enough ♪
♪ Hey Lord,
I wanna stay ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm fighting ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'll fight it ♪
♪ I don't know when
or how today ♪
♪ Hey, Lord,
I'm on my way ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm trying ♪
♪ Hey, Lord ♪
♪ You know I'm trying ♪