Euphoria (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - And Salt the Earth Behind You - full transcript
One of the benefits of showing up
at a hospital with a kidney infection
is the first thing they do...
Take this with water.
...is give you something
to bring down your fever
and subdue
the agonizing pain you're in.
- Is this a Vicodin?
- Yes.
- Five milligrams?
- Yes.
I know what you're all thinking.
I had my wisdom teeth out
a few years ago
and they gave me Vicodin
and it's not good for me.
It really upsets my stomach.
Okay.
I'd rather take Tylenol instead.
Are you sure? Kidney infections
are extremely painful.
I'm sure.
Unless... I forget
what they put me on instead...
It sounded like a candy name...
Like Rox... something?
- Roxicet?
- Yes. That's it.
- Roxicet. 7,5 milligrams.
- Let me check with the doctor.
Thanks.
It's not a relapse if it's warranted.
It's a hall pass.
God please don't get in the way!
According to the paperwork
your mother filled out,
it appears you have some pretty
extreme substance abuse issues,
so I think you're right,
we should just stick with Tylenol.
OK. If I come back someday with cancer,
I really hope you're not my doctor.
Yeah, I'm serious!
Can I still get the Vicodin?
They put me on Cipro. They give it
to people that are exposed to anthrax,
started me on Lexipro,
which is one of the few antidepressants
that doesn't make me crazier,
and kept me there for three days.
It was actually really nice.
I love hospitals.
If I could spend the rest of my life
in a hospital I would.
Because when you're in a hospital,
you have zero responsibilities.
They make sure you eat.
Sleep. Stay hydrated.
And if anything bad happens,
there's always a doctor nearby.
Thank you!
It's also the best place to be
in the event of a mass shooting,
unless a gunman kills all the surgeons.
Point is, I had zero anxiety.
At nighttime, when everyone's asleep,
if I close my eyes
and imagine all the little beeps
to be the sounds of birds,
and the lukewarm air blowing through
the vent to be a warm breeze,
your hospital bed
can sort of feel like a poolside chair
on a hot summer night
in the Caribbean.
Plus Jules came to visit.
- Did all this happen because I left?
- No.
You promise?
Yeah.
I've kinda been this way my whole life.
Not all the time, but sometimes.
But you do make it better.
I'm sorry.
For what?
For not telling you the truth.
For everyone who was calling me manic,
I was like 92 percent correct.
But something
was different about Jules.
Rue, you look fucking amazing.
Jules, I'm deeply uncomfortable
right now.
You look hot and the fact that
you usually dress like Seth Rogen
although you make it cute sometimes
it crushes my soul.
I don't dress like Seth Rogen.
When was the last time you didn't wear
a hoodie or sweatpants?
- I don't know. Now?
- Exactly.
Which is why are we gonna finish.
It was the most amazing weekend ever.
I can't stop thinking about it.
It was like the first time
I've ever felt like I had a family.
That wasn't my Dad, or like you kind of.
My God!
- Rue, you would die for Anna.
- Who's Anna?
She's just like next level.
I don't know...
And you hooked up or something?
Yeah. It was kinda crazy.
We went to the club...
And the energy was like crazy.
And I was feeling it.
And she just like grabbed me
and sort of like pushed me down.
And like kissed me.
- And she fucking bit me.
- What do you mean she bit you?
When we were hooking up,
she fully bit me.
Look!
- Did it like feel good?
- Yeah, it felt amazing.
Does anyone ever done that to you?
- No.
- You wanna see what it feels like?
I don't know.
What?
- You don't like it?
- I don't think so.
- Did you like it?
- I liked it.
You gotta meet this kids.
'Cause I swear you would
fucking flourish in that energy.
I've never felt anything like it.
There!
I missed you so much!
You look beautiful.
Thanks. You, too.
- By the way, fuck Nate Jacobs!
- Fuck Nate Jacobs!
I know you're not supposed
to say things like this out loud,
but if I ever got the chance
I'd fuck him.
What a fucking pussy!
- Hi, I'm Leslie, Rue's Mom.
- Hi Leslie!
They asked me to write a letter
about what your addiction
has cost us as a family.
And as I sat down last night
to write it...
...I couldn't stop thinking
about the day you were born.
Holding you in my arms
for the first time.
Looking down at you.
Your sweet beautiful face.
I had never felt so much love
and joy in my entire life.
And I thought that
what if in that moment,
I heard a voice,
some omniscient narrator who said:
"Here's what's going to happen..."
Your daughter is going to be funny,
and smart and outgoing.
You'll see it from a young age.
- Are you guys drinking wine?
- I mean, barely.
We're waiting for you to leave
so we can get to the hard stuff.
Relax. I'm not triggered or anything.
- I'm joking.
- Let's take some pictures. Come on!
She'll be charismatic
and make friends easily.
She'll be kind and sensitive...
Maybe too sensitive.
She won't be an easy child.
She'll struggle.
Just walk in
and hold your head up high, baby.
And in turn,
you'll struggle to understand her.
- You look beautiful!
- I don't know...
To understand
what's going on inside her head.
The night terrors
that can't be interrupted.
The times after dinner
when she'll sit at the kitchen table
and count the tiles over and over
until she hyperventilates.
- Do you have a date?
- No.
The fight to hold her in your arms.
To tell her it's okay.
It makes me look stupid?
No. Not in the least.
To calm down
the kicking, the screaming.
The anxiety of being harmed.
The transitions from day to night.
From home to school.
From meal to meal.
Of losing her mother
or father or little sister.
- You have a beautiful house.
- Thank you!
- Hi!
- Hi!
- You look beautiful.
- Thanks.
That's an understatement.
...of being alone.
I already like her.
The panic attacks. Mood swings.
Confusion. Disorganization.
- Have fun!
- I will!
My God!
And all that rage,
not just at you but at herself.
And the tough part is...
...you'll feel as helpless to help her
as she does herself.
- What is it?
- Gatorade and Everclear.
You'll make mistakes.
Small ones. And big ones.
You'll look for help
from people who aren't helpful.
Or who don't understand
what's happening.
And the guilt will never leave you.
Love you, Grandma!
But if you remain calm and patient,
if you listen closely,
you'll understand her more.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm having an asthma thing.
The counting, the repetition,
the need for symmetry.
That if you kiss her left cheek
before bed,
you have to kiss her right cheek.
and her forehead, then her chin.
That it's about balance. Stability.
The need to organize her feelings
and thoughts so she can breathe easier.
- I feel really good tonight.
- Really? Why?
I was thinking this is the first time
since the beginning of high school
that I haven't been in love
with someone.
I love that for you.
I've always really been
into pick-up trucks.
Can you take your shoes off the dash?
And there will be moments of relief.
In her and in you.
Moments that feel so normal
and calm and rewarding
that you'll find yourself
praying they last forever.
Even though she's only a child.
And all the hardest parts
have yet to even come.
What if these are
the big moments in life?
My mom talks about high school like
it was this monumental part of her life.
But I cannot imagine being 40 and
looking back on this moment like: wow.
That's because most people
peak in high school.
- I definitely haven't peaked.
- I'm not even a person yet.
I'm definitely like 25% peakness.
I'm at a hundred percent.
But I can definitely get to one fifty.
- I never thought I'd make it this far.
- What do you mean?
I've always had this anxiety
that something bad would happen.
Last summer, there were 3 weeks
where I actually thought you were dead.
She's been sober for 3 months.
Weren't you in rehab
like six months ago?
Maybe people get nostalgic
about high school
because it's like the last time
in your life you get to dream.
After is like, bad jobs,
and bills, and bad husbands...
Maybe I'm generalizing.
But you know what I mean?
I kinda feel the opposite.
I feel like high school's
super suffocating.
- Really?
- Yeah!
I'll be right back.
First of all, ew! Second of all, ew!
- Just a second.
- Are you not hard?
No, I am. Fuck!
It doesn't really feel
like you're hard.
- I am. I'm... I am hard.
- This isn't something you lie about.
Maddy, I just got
a lot of shit on my mind.
- Like during sex?
- Stop!
- Stop what?
- Talking. Stop talking. Fuck!
I'm officialy turned off! Get off me.
- Why are we even having sex?
- We weren't.
You know what your problem is?
You can't keep your mouth shut.
- And you can't keep your dick hard.
- Maybe I can't keep my dick hard
because everyone at school
is spreading rumors about me.
They're not rumors. They're facts.
You had forty different guys' dicks
in your phone.
- I told you not to tell anyone.
- I told people before you told me.
- You told them out of context.
- What is the context?
I'd tell you
but I don't even trust you anymore.
Kinda like how you'd fuck me
but you're not hard anymore?
Keep talking! Keep fucking talking!
- I don't mind if you're into guys.
- I'm not into fucking guys, Maddy.
- Sexuality is a spectrum.
- What are you talking about?
It's not like anyone's 100% straight
or 100% gay.
That is 100% bullshit.
I don't know you. You might be
a good girl. You might not.
- But I do know my son.
- Do you?
I'm not defending him.
But I do wanna protect him.
And what I know is this relationship
you two have is not sustainable.
And it's only a matter of time
before it takes the both of you down.
Sometimes the two people who aren't
meant for each other find each other.
You're a beautiful girl.
And a smart one. It's time to let go.
Your whole family is so fucking weird.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is
the game you've all been waiting for.
This is the first game back for
the Hawks starting QB Nate Jacobs.
It could be the final game
of his high-school career
unless he can bring home the W and
get this struggling team to regionals.
Speaking of struggles,
he's had a lot off the field.
It's been a topic of conversation
around the team and in this community.
Can he overcome those struggles?
I think Nate Jacobs
is gonna unify this ball club.
Thankfully,
his teammates have his back.
How much of the game
is he going to put on his back?
Here we go. It's game time!
Red twelve. Hut!
Maddy, don't!
- Maddy, don't do it!
- Fuck this!
Can you dance?
- Can you dance?
- Fuck yeah.
I guarantee you Maddy and Nate
are gonna get married.
Probably divorce three times and in some
strange way live a pretty happy life.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Jules?
Jules?
- What're you doing?
- Nothing.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
I like the way I dressed you,
but I'm worried I fucked
with your gender expression.
Thank you.
I feel a little stupid. So...
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
Why don't you kiss me?
I kiss you.
No, why don't you like,
kiss-kiss me?
I mean did you want me
to like, kiss-kiss you?
I want you to wanna kiss me so bad
that you don't even ask.
Okay. Fuck it. Let's dance.
What?
I feel like love is super dark
and like no one ever talks about it.
Yeah, but that might be specific
to their kind of love.
Or my kind of love.
I'm gonna do everything in my power
for at least the next three years
to not fall in love.
- What if you do?
- Intervene and fucking destroy it.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah.
What's up?
I don't really know what else to say
other than I'm so sorry.
But that night at the carnival
when you were flirting with that girl,
I had this reaction,
and I just like hated you.
Whether that's fair or not I don't know.
I guess I wanted to hurt you as much
as I'd imagined you'd hurt me.
I know that sounds juvenile.
But it's true.
And I wouldn't even be saying this
to you.
Because you're actually not like this.
You're actually really kind.
And you're actually really nice
and I just...
I'm so shitty
and I wish I could go back.
Kat, I liked you
since I sat down next to you.
You think there's like zero chance
that we're gonna be together forever.
I don't know, I guess were both juniors
so you're probably right about that.
I mean like is one of us
gonna get hurt?
Yeah, probably.
But I'll do my best
to make sure that it's me.
- I'm crying. Sorry.
- It's okay.
- Sorry, was that awkward?
- No.
- Wanna get the fuck out of here?
- Yeah.
What did you say?
I started to say one thing
and then I said something else.
But she knows what I meant.
- I'll be right back.
- Alright.
- Can I ask you something?
- Yeah.
How do you decide
who you wanna hook up with?
- They usually just come to you.
- Yeah, but what if they don't?
Then go and do
whoever the fuck you want.
Yeah. Okay.
I'm gonna do that.
- I love you, Lex.
- I love you, too.
Cassie?
- I'm okay.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Any history of depression?
- I guess, the normal amount.
- But not diagnosed?
- No.
Family history with depression?
Yeah. My mom.
- Any history with drugs or alcohol?
- No. Not really.
Any family history with addiction,
alcohol, other substances?
Yeah. My mom with wine.
And then my dad with painkillers
and then heroin and stuff.
How do you feel
about being here today?
Nervous, I guess.
Do you have any reservations about
the procedure? Any second thoughts?
No.
Come with me.
Welcome back! Fourth quarter.
Time running down.
Hawks trailing 23 to 27...
Here we go it's first and ten
on the twenty.
A minute and a half left to go
in what is a very close game.
Green 13. Hut!
Here we go. Jacob steps back.
He's looking. He sees...
He's got a guy! He throws it up.
A perfect ball by Jacobs goes right
through the hands of the receiver.
Jacobs threw up a perfect ball.
My gosh. Again right
through the receiver's hands.
Let's fucking go!
The wide receivers have got
to give their QB some help tonight.
Why do I feel like you're the reason
Fez's house got raided?
Sometimes when you do illegal shit,
bad things happen to you.
You ever done anything illegal?
- You talking about your friend Jules?
- Actually I'm talking about your Dad.
I just wanna make sure
you've given it some forethought.
I know over the years
you've lost some brain cells.
I wouldn't want you
to say something you might regret.
You gonna ruin my life?
I can do that a lot better than you can.
- What do you want, Rue?
- I want you to leave Fez alone.
And Jules. If you ever fuck with
them again, I'll destroy your life.
I'll destroy your dad's life.
I'll burn your whole shit to the ground.
Because I personally have no problem
walking into any police station
and telling them that Nate Jacob's
daddy likes to fuck little kids.
You look very pretty tonight.
Are you sure
that Jules told you everything?
You know what I like about her?
She has these very real dreams.
And I seriously think
that she's gonna achieve them.
If you look at everyone inside,
most of them are gonna go on
and live these lives that aren't
even fucking worth mentioning.
Not Jules.
What about you?
- Honestly, I don't really give a fuck.
- I gathered that.
It's why you're spending all your time
with someone who's gonna leave you
and won't even remember
who the fuck you are in ten years.
I really meant what I said.
You look really beautiful.
Alright, here we go.
Ten seconds left on the clock.
Can Nate Jacobs do it?
It could be the final play of the game,
could be the final play of his career.
Set!
Blue 36. Hut!
And there's the snap. Nate Jacobs.
He steps back. He's looking.
He's off! He's running.
He's taking the game into his hands.
There he goes. He breaks a tackle.
He's at the thirty.
He's at the 20. He's gonna do it!
He's at the ten. He's at the five!
He's in!
Let's go! Let's fucking go!
Let's go! Get the fuck up!
And the East Highland crowd
going bananas.
He has warmed this place up.
This kid can get it done!
You may have won the game.
But you lost control of the team.
And in the long run if you don't lead,
you're gonna lose.
You need to take a step back, Nate.
I said take a step back.
Get the fuck off me!
Get your fucking hands off me you
fucking faggot! Get the fuck off!
- Stop fighting!
- Get the fuck off!
- Stop fighting!
- Fuck you! Fuck you!
- You had enough?
- Get the fuck off me!
- Keep it up!
- Get off!
Do you wanna keep fighting?
You think you're tough now?
Come on Nate!
- What?
- I fucking hate this town.
If I could I'd burn it
to fucking the ground.
And salt the earth behind you.
Jules, are you in love with Anna?
Yeah.
Are you...
Are you in love with me?
Yeah.
Do you wish I was different?
This will help with the discomfort.
Some patients like to listen to music.
And just a little pinch.
CERTIFICATE OF RECOGNITION
DR. PHILLIP REDMOND, MD
What if we just fucking left?
We just fucking left this dance.
We went home, grab a bunch
of our shit and just went to the city?
That's fucking crazy.
I ain't here to hurt you. If you fuck
around, I swear to God I'll kill you.
- Where's the money at?
- It's in the table.
We're almost done.
Move slow!
Jesus fucking Christ!
You're a fucking doctor?
Hurry the fuck up, man!
What the fuck you doing?
Drop the fucking gun.
Bitch ass motherfucker!
Motherfucker! You're fucking dead!
Stop! Let go of my fucking gun!
Bitch ass motherfucker!
I told you to fucking be calm!
Bitch! Why would you do that?
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Come on!
But we didn't bike here.
- Let's go!
- My god!
Hold on!
What the fuck did you do that for?
Fuck!
Fuck! Shit! God damn!
Jules...
Is this a bad idea?
No.
What the fuck?
How do you feel?
Better.
- Maddy get up.
- No. Why?
Could you stop being such a cunt
and just come dance with me please.
- You don't even know how to dance.
- It's a slow song. Let's go. Get up.
Firstly, your despicable, but fine.
- I really fucking hate you.
- I know.
You're abusive. You're psychopathic.
And most of the time I really hate
the way you make me feel.
- I know.
- It's not good for us.
I know.
No, but like, we shouldn't be together.
I know.
Hi!
Hi.
I thought this was gonna be
a night I'd remember forever.
I think you will remember it forever.
Like, not in a bad way.
Just in a way that stays with you.
Yeah.
You're late.
I got caught up
dealing with some bullshit.
I heard you got raided.
But they didn't find nothing though.
They ain't got shit on me.
Let's hope not.
So, we all good?
Here you go. Deck seven,
departing in two minutes.
Thank you.
Jules, I just realized
that I didn't bring my medication.
We can get medication like everywhere.
Yeah, but I don't think it's...
I can like miss a day.
Rue, we'll figure it out. I promise.
Jules, I don't think
this is a good idea.
- Rue, it was your idea.
- I know it was my idea.
But I don't think
it's a good idea anymore.
It was a fucking great idea.
Can you just slow 'cause I'm thinking,
you know my mom,
I don't want her to fucking freak out.
Rue, it's not that far and we're good.
We can call.
What am I gonna tell Gia though?
She's gonna think I'm missing.
We're good. Come on!
It's gonna be amazing.
Rue!
Come on!
Please! I love you!
And there will be moments of relief.
In her and in you.
Moments that feel so normal
and calm and rewarding
that you'll find yourself
praying they last forever.
Even though she's only a child.
And all the hard parts
have yet to even come.
And at the age of sixteen,
she'll overdose,
spend four days in a coma and you
won't know if she'll live or die.
But when she wakes up, she'll
be given the opportunity to get clean...
...to become a different person.
A better person.
Here's the toughest part.
No matter what you say or do or wish
the decision will be all hers
and all you can do is hope she gives
herself the chance that she deserves.
Did you take my money out of the wallet?
No, ma'am.
- Rue?
- What?
- I asked you a simple question.
- You make everything worse.
It's fucking forty dollars.
- What the fuck do you want?
- Get out of my face!
- Mom, you're such a fucking bitch?
- I'm a bitch?
Yeah, you're a fucking bitch
because you just fucking sat...
Please stop. Stop!
There's something wrong with her.
She's trying to get better.
She's fucking mental. And I'm tired
of you using it as an excuse.
- Do you think this helps?
- It doesn't matter. I'm done.
Leave! I don't care! Go!
Fucking psychotic bitch.
You fucking make me wanna go.
Fucking crazy!
- Are you proud?
- Go after your sister.
- You wanna be like her. Okay?
- I don't wanna be like you.
at a hospital with a kidney infection
is the first thing they do...
Take this with water.
...is give you something
to bring down your fever
and subdue
the agonizing pain you're in.
- Is this a Vicodin?
- Yes.
- Five milligrams?
- Yes.
I know what you're all thinking.
I had my wisdom teeth out
a few years ago
and they gave me Vicodin
and it's not good for me.
It really upsets my stomach.
Okay.
I'd rather take Tylenol instead.
Are you sure? Kidney infections
are extremely painful.
I'm sure.
Unless... I forget
what they put me on instead...
It sounded like a candy name...
Like Rox... something?
- Roxicet?
- Yes. That's it.
- Roxicet. 7,5 milligrams.
- Let me check with the doctor.
Thanks.
It's not a relapse if it's warranted.
It's a hall pass.
God please don't get in the way!
According to the paperwork
your mother filled out,
it appears you have some pretty
extreme substance abuse issues,
so I think you're right,
we should just stick with Tylenol.
OK. If I come back someday with cancer,
I really hope you're not my doctor.
Yeah, I'm serious!
Can I still get the Vicodin?
They put me on Cipro. They give it
to people that are exposed to anthrax,
started me on Lexipro,
which is one of the few antidepressants
that doesn't make me crazier,
and kept me there for three days.
It was actually really nice.
I love hospitals.
If I could spend the rest of my life
in a hospital I would.
Because when you're in a hospital,
you have zero responsibilities.
They make sure you eat.
Sleep. Stay hydrated.
And if anything bad happens,
there's always a doctor nearby.
Thank you!
It's also the best place to be
in the event of a mass shooting,
unless a gunman kills all the surgeons.
Point is, I had zero anxiety.
At nighttime, when everyone's asleep,
if I close my eyes
and imagine all the little beeps
to be the sounds of birds,
and the lukewarm air blowing through
the vent to be a warm breeze,
your hospital bed
can sort of feel like a poolside chair
on a hot summer night
in the Caribbean.
Plus Jules came to visit.
- Did all this happen because I left?
- No.
You promise?
Yeah.
I've kinda been this way my whole life.
Not all the time, but sometimes.
But you do make it better.
I'm sorry.
For what?
For not telling you the truth.
For everyone who was calling me manic,
I was like 92 percent correct.
But something
was different about Jules.
Rue, you look fucking amazing.
Jules, I'm deeply uncomfortable
right now.
You look hot and the fact that
you usually dress like Seth Rogen
although you make it cute sometimes
it crushes my soul.
I don't dress like Seth Rogen.
When was the last time you didn't wear
a hoodie or sweatpants?
- I don't know. Now?
- Exactly.
Which is why are we gonna finish.
It was the most amazing weekend ever.
I can't stop thinking about it.
It was like the first time
I've ever felt like I had a family.
That wasn't my Dad, or like you kind of.
My God!
- Rue, you would die for Anna.
- Who's Anna?
She's just like next level.
I don't know...
And you hooked up or something?
Yeah. It was kinda crazy.
We went to the club...
And the energy was like crazy.
And I was feeling it.
And she just like grabbed me
and sort of like pushed me down.
And like kissed me.
- And she fucking bit me.
- What do you mean she bit you?
When we were hooking up,
she fully bit me.
Look!
- Did it like feel good?
- Yeah, it felt amazing.
Does anyone ever done that to you?
- No.
- You wanna see what it feels like?
I don't know.
What?
- You don't like it?
- I don't think so.
- Did you like it?
- I liked it.
You gotta meet this kids.
'Cause I swear you would
fucking flourish in that energy.
I've never felt anything like it.
There!
I missed you so much!
You look beautiful.
Thanks. You, too.
- By the way, fuck Nate Jacobs!
- Fuck Nate Jacobs!
I know you're not supposed
to say things like this out loud,
but if I ever got the chance
I'd fuck him.
What a fucking pussy!
- Hi, I'm Leslie, Rue's Mom.
- Hi Leslie!
They asked me to write a letter
about what your addiction
has cost us as a family.
And as I sat down last night
to write it...
...I couldn't stop thinking
about the day you were born.
Holding you in my arms
for the first time.
Looking down at you.
Your sweet beautiful face.
I had never felt so much love
and joy in my entire life.
And I thought that
what if in that moment,
I heard a voice,
some omniscient narrator who said:
"Here's what's going to happen..."
Your daughter is going to be funny,
and smart and outgoing.
You'll see it from a young age.
- Are you guys drinking wine?
- I mean, barely.
We're waiting for you to leave
so we can get to the hard stuff.
Relax. I'm not triggered or anything.
- I'm joking.
- Let's take some pictures. Come on!
She'll be charismatic
and make friends easily.
She'll be kind and sensitive...
Maybe too sensitive.
She won't be an easy child.
She'll struggle.
Just walk in
and hold your head up high, baby.
And in turn,
you'll struggle to understand her.
- You look beautiful!
- I don't know...
To understand
what's going on inside her head.
The night terrors
that can't be interrupted.
The times after dinner
when she'll sit at the kitchen table
and count the tiles over and over
until she hyperventilates.
- Do you have a date?
- No.
The fight to hold her in your arms.
To tell her it's okay.
It makes me look stupid?
No. Not in the least.
To calm down
the kicking, the screaming.
The anxiety of being harmed.
The transitions from day to night.
From home to school.
From meal to meal.
Of losing her mother
or father or little sister.
- You have a beautiful house.
- Thank you!
- Hi!
- Hi!
- You look beautiful.
- Thanks.
That's an understatement.
...of being alone.
I already like her.
The panic attacks. Mood swings.
Confusion. Disorganization.
- Have fun!
- I will!
My God!
And all that rage,
not just at you but at herself.
And the tough part is...
...you'll feel as helpless to help her
as she does herself.
- What is it?
- Gatorade and Everclear.
You'll make mistakes.
Small ones. And big ones.
You'll look for help
from people who aren't helpful.
Or who don't understand
what's happening.
And the guilt will never leave you.
Love you, Grandma!
But if you remain calm and patient,
if you listen closely,
you'll understand her more.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm having an asthma thing.
The counting, the repetition,
the need for symmetry.
That if you kiss her left cheek
before bed,
you have to kiss her right cheek.
and her forehead, then her chin.
That it's about balance. Stability.
The need to organize her feelings
and thoughts so she can breathe easier.
- I feel really good tonight.
- Really? Why?
I was thinking this is the first time
since the beginning of high school
that I haven't been in love
with someone.
I love that for you.
I've always really been
into pick-up trucks.
Can you take your shoes off the dash?
And there will be moments of relief.
In her and in you.
Moments that feel so normal
and calm and rewarding
that you'll find yourself
praying they last forever.
Even though she's only a child.
And all the hardest parts
have yet to even come.
What if these are
the big moments in life?
My mom talks about high school like
it was this monumental part of her life.
But I cannot imagine being 40 and
looking back on this moment like: wow.
That's because most people
peak in high school.
- I definitely haven't peaked.
- I'm not even a person yet.
I'm definitely like 25% peakness.
I'm at a hundred percent.
But I can definitely get to one fifty.
- I never thought I'd make it this far.
- What do you mean?
I've always had this anxiety
that something bad would happen.
Last summer, there were 3 weeks
where I actually thought you were dead.
She's been sober for 3 months.
Weren't you in rehab
like six months ago?
Maybe people get nostalgic
about high school
because it's like the last time
in your life you get to dream.
After is like, bad jobs,
and bills, and bad husbands...
Maybe I'm generalizing.
But you know what I mean?
I kinda feel the opposite.
I feel like high school's
super suffocating.
- Really?
- Yeah!
I'll be right back.
First of all, ew! Second of all, ew!
- Just a second.
- Are you not hard?
No, I am. Fuck!
It doesn't really feel
like you're hard.
- I am. I'm... I am hard.
- This isn't something you lie about.
Maddy, I just got
a lot of shit on my mind.
- Like during sex?
- Stop!
- Stop what?
- Talking. Stop talking. Fuck!
I'm officialy turned off! Get off me.
- Why are we even having sex?
- We weren't.
You know what your problem is?
You can't keep your mouth shut.
- And you can't keep your dick hard.
- Maybe I can't keep my dick hard
because everyone at school
is spreading rumors about me.
They're not rumors. They're facts.
You had forty different guys' dicks
in your phone.
- I told you not to tell anyone.
- I told people before you told me.
- You told them out of context.
- What is the context?
I'd tell you
but I don't even trust you anymore.
Kinda like how you'd fuck me
but you're not hard anymore?
Keep talking! Keep fucking talking!
- I don't mind if you're into guys.
- I'm not into fucking guys, Maddy.
- Sexuality is a spectrum.
- What are you talking about?
It's not like anyone's 100% straight
or 100% gay.
That is 100% bullshit.
I don't know you. You might be
a good girl. You might not.
- But I do know my son.
- Do you?
I'm not defending him.
But I do wanna protect him.
And what I know is this relationship
you two have is not sustainable.
And it's only a matter of time
before it takes the both of you down.
Sometimes the two people who aren't
meant for each other find each other.
You're a beautiful girl.
And a smart one. It's time to let go.
Your whole family is so fucking weird.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is
the game you've all been waiting for.
This is the first game back for
the Hawks starting QB Nate Jacobs.
It could be the final game
of his high-school career
unless he can bring home the W and
get this struggling team to regionals.
Speaking of struggles,
he's had a lot off the field.
It's been a topic of conversation
around the team and in this community.
Can he overcome those struggles?
I think Nate Jacobs
is gonna unify this ball club.
Thankfully,
his teammates have his back.
How much of the game
is he going to put on his back?
Here we go. It's game time!
Red twelve. Hut!
Maddy, don't!
- Maddy, don't do it!
- Fuck this!
Can you dance?
- Can you dance?
- Fuck yeah.
I guarantee you Maddy and Nate
are gonna get married.
Probably divorce three times and in some
strange way live a pretty happy life.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Jules?
Jules?
- What're you doing?
- Nothing.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
I like the way I dressed you,
but I'm worried I fucked
with your gender expression.
Thank you.
I feel a little stupid. So...
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
Why don't you kiss me?
I kiss you.
No, why don't you like,
kiss-kiss me?
I mean did you want me
to like, kiss-kiss you?
I want you to wanna kiss me so bad
that you don't even ask.
Okay. Fuck it. Let's dance.
What?
I feel like love is super dark
and like no one ever talks about it.
Yeah, but that might be specific
to their kind of love.
Or my kind of love.
I'm gonna do everything in my power
for at least the next three years
to not fall in love.
- What if you do?
- Intervene and fucking destroy it.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah.
What's up?
I don't really know what else to say
other than I'm so sorry.
But that night at the carnival
when you were flirting with that girl,
I had this reaction,
and I just like hated you.
Whether that's fair or not I don't know.
I guess I wanted to hurt you as much
as I'd imagined you'd hurt me.
I know that sounds juvenile.
But it's true.
And I wouldn't even be saying this
to you.
Because you're actually not like this.
You're actually really kind.
And you're actually really nice
and I just...
I'm so shitty
and I wish I could go back.
Kat, I liked you
since I sat down next to you.
You think there's like zero chance
that we're gonna be together forever.
I don't know, I guess were both juniors
so you're probably right about that.
I mean like is one of us
gonna get hurt?
Yeah, probably.
But I'll do my best
to make sure that it's me.
- I'm crying. Sorry.
- It's okay.
- Sorry, was that awkward?
- No.
- Wanna get the fuck out of here?
- Yeah.
What did you say?
I started to say one thing
and then I said something else.
But she knows what I meant.
- I'll be right back.
- Alright.
- Can I ask you something?
- Yeah.
How do you decide
who you wanna hook up with?
- They usually just come to you.
- Yeah, but what if they don't?
Then go and do
whoever the fuck you want.
Yeah. Okay.
I'm gonna do that.
- I love you, Lex.
- I love you, too.
Cassie?
- I'm okay.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Any history of depression?
- I guess, the normal amount.
- But not diagnosed?
- No.
Family history with depression?
Yeah. My mom.
- Any history with drugs or alcohol?
- No. Not really.
Any family history with addiction,
alcohol, other substances?
Yeah. My mom with wine.
And then my dad with painkillers
and then heroin and stuff.
How do you feel
about being here today?
Nervous, I guess.
Do you have any reservations about
the procedure? Any second thoughts?
No.
Come with me.
Welcome back! Fourth quarter.
Time running down.
Hawks trailing 23 to 27...
Here we go it's first and ten
on the twenty.
A minute and a half left to go
in what is a very close game.
Green 13. Hut!
Here we go. Jacob steps back.
He's looking. He sees...
He's got a guy! He throws it up.
A perfect ball by Jacobs goes right
through the hands of the receiver.
Jacobs threw up a perfect ball.
My gosh. Again right
through the receiver's hands.
Let's fucking go!
The wide receivers have got
to give their QB some help tonight.
Why do I feel like you're the reason
Fez's house got raided?
Sometimes when you do illegal shit,
bad things happen to you.
You ever done anything illegal?
- You talking about your friend Jules?
- Actually I'm talking about your Dad.
I just wanna make sure
you've given it some forethought.
I know over the years
you've lost some brain cells.
I wouldn't want you
to say something you might regret.
You gonna ruin my life?
I can do that a lot better than you can.
- What do you want, Rue?
- I want you to leave Fez alone.
And Jules. If you ever fuck with
them again, I'll destroy your life.
I'll destroy your dad's life.
I'll burn your whole shit to the ground.
Because I personally have no problem
walking into any police station
and telling them that Nate Jacob's
daddy likes to fuck little kids.
You look very pretty tonight.
Are you sure
that Jules told you everything?
You know what I like about her?
She has these very real dreams.
And I seriously think
that she's gonna achieve them.
If you look at everyone inside,
most of them are gonna go on
and live these lives that aren't
even fucking worth mentioning.
Not Jules.
What about you?
- Honestly, I don't really give a fuck.
- I gathered that.
It's why you're spending all your time
with someone who's gonna leave you
and won't even remember
who the fuck you are in ten years.
I really meant what I said.
You look really beautiful.
Alright, here we go.
Ten seconds left on the clock.
Can Nate Jacobs do it?
It could be the final play of the game,
could be the final play of his career.
Set!
Blue 36. Hut!
And there's the snap. Nate Jacobs.
He steps back. He's looking.
He's off! He's running.
He's taking the game into his hands.
There he goes. He breaks a tackle.
He's at the thirty.
He's at the 20. He's gonna do it!
He's at the ten. He's at the five!
He's in!
Let's go! Let's fucking go!
Let's go! Get the fuck up!
And the East Highland crowd
going bananas.
He has warmed this place up.
This kid can get it done!
You may have won the game.
But you lost control of the team.
And in the long run if you don't lead,
you're gonna lose.
You need to take a step back, Nate.
I said take a step back.
Get the fuck off me!
Get your fucking hands off me you
fucking faggot! Get the fuck off!
- Stop fighting!
- Get the fuck off!
- Stop fighting!
- Fuck you! Fuck you!
- You had enough?
- Get the fuck off me!
- Keep it up!
- Get off!
Do you wanna keep fighting?
You think you're tough now?
Come on Nate!
- What?
- I fucking hate this town.
If I could I'd burn it
to fucking the ground.
And salt the earth behind you.
Jules, are you in love with Anna?
Yeah.
Are you...
Are you in love with me?
Yeah.
Do you wish I was different?
This will help with the discomfort.
Some patients like to listen to music.
And just a little pinch.
CERTIFICATE OF RECOGNITION
DR. PHILLIP REDMOND, MD
What if we just fucking left?
We just fucking left this dance.
We went home, grab a bunch
of our shit and just went to the city?
That's fucking crazy.
I ain't here to hurt you. If you fuck
around, I swear to God I'll kill you.
- Where's the money at?
- It's in the table.
We're almost done.
Move slow!
Jesus fucking Christ!
You're a fucking doctor?
Hurry the fuck up, man!
What the fuck you doing?
Drop the fucking gun.
Bitch ass motherfucker!
Motherfucker! You're fucking dead!
Stop! Let go of my fucking gun!
Bitch ass motherfucker!
I told you to fucking be calm!
Bitch! Why would you do that?
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Come on!
But we didn't bike here.
- Let's go!
- My god!
Hold on!
What the fuck did you do that for?
Fuck!
Fuck! Shit! God damn!
Jules...
Is this a bad idea?
No.
What the fuck?
How do you feel?
Better.
- Maddy get up.
- No. Why?
Could you stop being such a cunt
and just come dance with me please.
- You don't even know how to dance.
- It's a slow song. Let's go. Get up.
Firstly, your despicable, but fine.
- I really fucking hate you.
- I know.
You're abusive. You're psychopathic.
And most of the time I really hate
the way you make me feel.
- I know.
- It's not good for us.
I know.
No, but like, we shouldn't be together.
I know.
Hi!
Hi.
I thought this was gonna be
a night I'd remember forever.
I think you will remember it forever.
Like, not in a bad way.
Just in a way that stays with you.
Yeah.
You're late.
I got caught up
dealing with some bullshit.
I heard you got raided.
But they didn't find nothing though.
They ain't got shit on me.
Let's hope not.
So, we all good?
Here you go. Deck seven,
departing in two minutes.
Thank you.
Jules, I just realized
that I didn't bring my medication.
We can get medication like everywhere.
Yeah, but I don't think it's...
I can like miss a day.
Rue, we'll figure it out. I promise.
Jules, I don't think
this is a good idea.
- Rue, it was your idea.
- I know it was my idea.
But I don't think
it's a good idea anymore.
It was a fucking great idea.
Can you just slow 'cause I'm thinking,
you know my mom,
I don't want her to fucking freak out.
Rue, it's not that far and we're good.
We can call.
What am I gonna tell Gia though?
She's gonna think I'm missing.
We're good. Come on!
It's gonna be amazing.
Rue!
Come on!
Please! I love you!
And there will be moments of relief.
In her and in you.
Moments that feel so normal
and calm and rewarding
that you'll find yourself
praying they last forever.
Even though she's only a child.
And all the hard parts
have yet to even come.
And at the age of sixteen,
she'll overdose,
spend four days in a coma and you
won't know if she'll live or die.
But when she wakes up, she'll
be given the opportunity to get clean...
...to become a different person.
A better person.
Here's the toughest part.
No matter what you say or do or wish
the decision will be all hers
and all you can do is hope she gives
herself the chance that she deserves.
Did you take my money out of the wallet?
No, ma'am.
- Rue?
- What?
- I asked you a simple question.
- You make everything worse.
It's fucking forty dollars.
- What the fuck do you want?
- Get out of my face!
- Mom, you're such a fucking bitch?
- I'm a bitch?
Yeah, you're a fucking bitch
because you just fucking sat...
Please stop. Stop!
There's something wrong with her.
She's trying to get better.
She's fucking mental. And I'm tired
of you using it as an excuse.
- Do you think this helps?
- It doesn't matter. I'm done.
Leave! I don't care! Go!
Fucking psychotic bitch.
You fucking make me wanna go.
Fucking crazy!
- Are you proud?
- Go after your sister.
- You wanna be like her. Okay?
- I don't wanna be like you.