Euphoria (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed - full transcript

Cassie's dad
was really handsome.

The kind of handsome that made
people treat him differently.

Her mom used to get really
upset at him for flirting.

Which wasn't fair.
It wasn't his fault.

He really loved her.

He really loved them all.

Her dad always wanted her
to become a professional ice skater.

- Wow. Thank you!
- Aw, happy birthday, kiddo.

And for a while, she thought she might.
She was a natural.

But her dad couldn't afford lessons,
so he stopped encouraging her.

When she hit puberty, her mother
and her became best friends.

You're an angel.

I feel like a big baby.

Cassie, woman to woman, hmm?

You're perfect.

- Holy moly, look at you.
- What?

You're gonna be a real heart breaker.
Trust me.

And it wasn't just her body that
changed. But the rest of the world, too.

- You remember Uncle Ted?
- Oh, boy, look at you. All grown up.

Come on, give me a hug.
You really filled out.

Sassy Cassie. Come here.

I bet you got all the boys
wrapped around your finger. Boop.

Their family wasn't perfect.

Her mom had, you know, some issues.

Oh, my God.

And her dad struggled
to keep a steady income.

- Fuck you.
- This is my family...

And they fought.

In the way all parents kind of fight.

Except for the night
before she started ninth grade.

Her mom told her
that her dad was just being irrational.

Your father had some serious
jealousy issues. Let me tell you.

Plus, he couldn't hold a steady job
to save his life.

I just think he didn't want
the responsibility of being a father.

It's too much work.

But Cassie had heard differently.

My mom said your mom cheated
on your dad.

- And that's why he left.
- What?

At first, she was really angry
at her mom.

She resented her
for being such a hypocrite.

But then she realized
that her dad wasn't perfect.

I don't know if I want to be associated
with herpes but, you know...

And her mom wasn't either, and maybe
they just weren't right for each other.

He used to visit them on weekends.

Bye, Dad.

But, eventually, it became
once every couple of weeks.

He said he was coming.

And then sometimes,
more than a month would go by.

Then one night... he was driving home
from work...

...and was in the ICU for 23 days.

The doctors were afraid
he'd never walk again.

But Cassie knew he was strong,
and that he'd get better.

He was prescribed fentanyl for the pain.

Promethazine to offset the nausea.

Liquid Lorazepam to sleep,
and Imitrex injections for migraines.

Cassie would text him and talk to him.

But as more time went by,
the less responsive he became.

And eventually, months went by,
and she didn't hear from him at all.

Until one night,
a week after her 15th birthday,

she got a text from a random number
at about 1:00 in the morning.

And even though she was excited
to see him and wanted to hug him,

there was something
about the whole thing that scared her.

I want you to know there's never a day
goes by I don't think about you.

The number you texted me from.
Can I call you?

That's my friend's phone.

But I promise I'll reach out to you
with my new number, I...

Don't cry, baby.

I'm okay. I'm fine. Don't...

I just miss you, Dad.

I miss you, okay. I love you.

He said he needed a few things,

and made her promise
that she wouldn't tell a soul.

Cassie kept her promise,
and never told anyone about that night.

She also never saw her dad again.

She fell in love
with every guy she ever dated.

Whether they were smart or stupid
or sweet or cruel, it didn't matter.

She didn't like to be alone.

What are you doing?

- I'm just filming you.
- Why?

And every guy she ever dated
asked for the same things.

- Can I film you sucking my dick?
- What? No!

- What?
- Let's make a sex tape.

Stop.

- What? Get out of here.
- Come on. I won't tell anyone.

- It's not that big of a deal.
- Yes, it is. I don't wanna do this.

And she almost always said yes.

Even though it didn't always
make her feel good.

And she knew that most guys,
after she broke up with them,

would always share
those photos or videos.

The first time she found out,
she had a panic attack,

and wanted to swallow
a whole bottle of Tylenol.

But she didn't. Because, I mean,

what's the worst thing
anybody could say to her?

That she gave a blowjob
to a guy who didn't deserve it?

And she figured by the time she was
out of college and looking for a job,

99 percent of the population
would have leaked nudes, anyway.

And then, at the beginning
of the year, she met McKay.

And fell in love with him.

And he fell in love with her.

And even though things weren't perfect,
he loved her for who she was.

And even though she had
made a couple of mistakes,

I mean, they weren't big ones.

They weren't the kind of things
you couldn't come back from.

Previously on Love Island...

Grab the amazing-ness that you have
with Josh by the balls.

People are always telling me
about great TV shows.

How I just have to watch this show.
But the truth is, I don't want good TV.

I don't want a novel, or some slow burn,
or anything that feels like work.

That's why I love reality TV.

It's funny, it's dramatic,
and I can focus on it.

It's pure, effortless entertainment.

Romance hits the rocks.

She doesn't talk to me,
she doesn't acknowledge me.

I want to lay down one moment
and then look around the next

and realize I have watched
22 straight hours of Love Island

over a two-day period
and yearn for more.

Some people may find that depressing.
I don't.

It is, however,
a good way to measure depression.

Because when reality TV
begins to feel like work,

like, final season of Mad Men Work,
you know you're depressed.

Like, haven't got out of bed to pee
in 24 hours depressed.

- Do I look different to you?
- You look fine to me.

- 'Cause I feel different.
- Okay, well, you don't look it.

I don't think I'm gonna
go to school today.

- 'Cause of Daniel?
- No, not 'cause of Daniel, Lexi!

Daniel's the last fucking thing
I care about right now.

Okay, well, it's all you
ever fucking talk about.

That's not true! I asked you
how I look. Not about Daniel!

Yeah, well, you look beautiful, Cassie.
You look fucking amazing.

It's literally all anyone's ever told
you your entire life.

Like, listen to yourself.
It's fucking exhausting.

The thought of having to stand up,

exert 172 muscles each step for 35 feet,

just so I can sit on cold porcelain
and piss out toxins

over and over again
for the rest of my life

makes the whole concept of living
feel like one long, sadistic joke.

But the absolute worst part
of depression

is that even though
you know you're depressed,

you're unable to stop yourself
from getting worse.

But I wasn't the only one feeling down.

- Jules? What's wrong?
- I'm sick.

Okay. Let me know if you need anything.

After Halloween, Jules didn't go
to school for a full week.

And even though I sent her
about 50 texts, she didn't respond.

Happy Halloween.

I could tell something bad
had happened.

And that it had
something to do with Nate.

Tyler Clarkson was booked for assault.

But this shit wasn't adding up.

And I was putting together
the pieces of the puzzle.

Howard, let's roll.

I wasn't gonna stop
until I got the truth.

False accusations in today's world
can cause serious long-term damage

to one's career, reputation,
and emotional well-being.

We all owe Nate Jacobs
a heartfelt apology,

and are excited and thrilled
to have him back at East Highland.

- Why would Jules lie to help Nate?
- I don't know.

- Well, have you asked her about it?
- No.

- You haven't asked her?
- No.

Keep looking, you mook.

I'm Morgan fuckin' Freeman and
this is the beginning of the third act.

Well, doesn't that seem like
the first logical step?

Honestly, Howard,
this whole thing is beyond logic.

Unless...

- Jules is in love with Nate.
- Why would Jules be in love with Nate?

- You should listen to me.
- Bennett, the cigarettes are killing me.

Listen. Listen. Listen, the night
of the carnival, she said she wanted

to go meet up with this guy
she met online, okay?

He's some fuckin' jock,
he's from a conservative family,

and they were talking and texting.
They've been texting for weeks.

And when I say texting, I don't
just mean regular fuckin' texting.

They were sexting.

- Like nudes?
- Yeah.

Side note, very nice dick.
Very clean room.

- She never fucking saw his face.
- Yeah, so Jules is catfished.

Now hear me out. So the night of the
carnival, she made plans with this guy

to meet up with him at the lake, okay?

I fucking go home. Next thing I know,
she's fucking knocking at my window.

She's all emotional,
she's got fucking tears in her eyes.

I say, Jules, what the fuck happened?

She looks at me. She goes...
"He didn't look like his pictures."

Yeah, that's like,
the definition of catfishing.

No, but do you know
what his name was?

- Nate Jacobs?
- Tyler.

Like, Tyler Clarkson?

You're goddamned right.

Maddy is 17, Tyler's 22,

- and they fornicated.
- Statutory.

Yeah. You saw it, I saw it.
We all fucking saw it.

Including Nate.

And what is a lighter offense
than statutory?

- Assault.
- Bingo!

Rue, are you pouring coffee
in the water filter?

- Yes, I am.
- Instead of water?

- Yes, I am.
- Well, please, don't do that.

And it's late.
You shouldn't be drinking caffeine.

Mom, please. I have homework.

Well, there's a sentence
I never thought I'd hear.

Will you let me know
when this is ready?

- Hello?
- Howard, it's Bennett.

It's 2:45 in the morning.
Don't you ever sleep?

Listen, why would Nate single out
Jules in the first place?

It's obvious
he was sexually attracted to her.

And because Jules
is predominantly het, okay,

he wooed her with his, uh,
fucking creepy jock magic shit.

She's super fuckin' sensitive,
she's very forgiving,

and she's basically the most wonderful
fucking person on the planet...

she fell for him.
That's why she fucking testified.

I'm a genius. I'm a fucking genius.

Hey, Mom! I'm a fucking genius.

I'm not even tired. It's crazy.
I'm not even fucking tired.

I feel amazing.

I'll be honest with you, Bennett.
You're too close to this case.

- Who was that?
- Rue.

- Think she's in, like, a manic state.
- Is she okay?

I don't think so.

Fuck.

I don't know what you're gonna say,
but this feels like... really dramatic.

- Yeah, this is spooky.
- It is not spooky, BB.

I just, I need your advice
on, like, two things.

And I need you guys to promise me
not to say a single fucking word.

So, the night of Daniel's Halloween
party, something happened.

...I don't usually come that fast.

That was amazing.

It's funny. I always thought I was
gonna lose my virginity to you.

- You're a virgin?
- No, I mean, when we were younger.

- When we dated.
- We dated?

Yeah, in sixth grade.

You and me?

Yeah, for like five months.

I literally have
no recollection of that.

Wait. Am I hearing this correctly?

You want to tell McKay
that you made out with Daniel

at the carnival and on Halloween?

Yeah, but, I don't... I don't
have to say it's Daniel.

Bitch, that's the craziest idea
I've ever heard. Right?

- For sure.
- Yeah, but I want to be honest with him.

- You cannot tell McKay.
- But it's not like I cheated-cheated.

Kissing is worse.
It's so much more intimate.

And if anybody brings it up,
you deny, deny, deny.

Okay, but, I just don't want there to be
something this bad between us forever.

I wouldn't worry about it. It's not like
you guys are gonna be together forever.

Kat, what the fuck is your problem?

You're being a bad friend now.
You were a bad friend to me,

and this whole new personality
is seriously unlikable.

- World Star!
- Why, because I won't sit and listen

to you bitch and moan about
your psychotic, abusive boyfriend

who you've literally broken up
with a thousand times?

It was literally the lowest point
in my life, so, yeah.

That and the fact
that you're just fuckin' mean.

Maddy, ever since I've met you,
all you talk about is yourself.

Your clothes, your boyfriends,
whatever superficial shit

you think is so fucking important.
Sorry I'm no longer interested.

I don't know about everyone else,
but I miss the old Kat.

You know, the one who had a sense of
humor and wasn't a fuckin' cunt?

Damn.

- What was the other thing?
- What other thing?

You said you needed advice
on two things.

I don't remember.

What would you do?

Um, I don't know. I've never really
been in a situation

where two guys
have been interested in me.

That's 'cause you're shy.

I guess so, but I've also never been
in a situation

where I've been interested in two guys.

That's also 'cause you're shy.

Maybe.

But if you were in my situation,
what would you do?

Honestly, I don't think
I would say anything.

What if not saying something
makes you feel really bad?

- Worse than saying it?
- Yeah.

Well, then, I don't think
you have any other option.

- How are you feeling?
- I think I have the flu or something.

You want me to get you something?

- Like something to drink, or something-
- Uh, no, I'm good.

You sure you got the flu, Rue?

Gia, right now I just need you to leave
me the fuck alone, all right?

Previously...

Look, Nate, we all make mistakes
in life.

We hurt the ones we love.
We let down our friends, our family.

Sometimes we do it out of ignorance.
Sometimes it's selfishness.

I am not perfect. You know that.

But I've spent my life
trying to do better. You have not.

But it is my wish for you.

I don't know
how you got out of this situation.

I know you didn't deserve to,
but you did.

And I admire whatever it took.

I just hope it didn't teach you
the wrong lesson.

Okay, this is gonna sound sick,

because I'm actually
in a lot of pain right now,

due to the sheer weight
and strain on my bladder,

but, man, does this
make me miss opiates.

Because your bladder is trained
from a very early age

not to pee whenever it wants to,
it needs permission from your brain.

And when you're really high,
your brain gets a little... lazy.

Too lazy to say something.

Come on. Breathe.
Come on, please.

It's probably why so many drug addicts
die on toilets.

The truth is,
the last time I left this room,

I didn't have the best experience.

Sleeping all day? It's quite the life.

Meet Rick.
My mom's new boyfriend.

If you were to ask Rick to describe
himself, he'd say he was...

"A romantic at heart.
I'm adventurous. I love to travel.

"I love the outdoors...

...great art, great movies, great wine.
Forever young."

Sorry, I'm sorry.

- I miss your dad.
- Me, too.

So, enter Rick.

So...

Your mom tells me that you have
a new, uh, "best friend."

What is that supposed to mean?

That, you know.

You got a new best friend.

You know what, Rick?

Why don't you go fuck yourself?

How dare you speak
to someone like that?

- Who? Rick.
- Don't be a smart-ass.

- Did I offend you?
- Apologize right now.

In retrospect, I was a little cunt-y.

But Rick does suck, and I was angry.
For a lot of reasons.

Rick, I sincerely apologize
for telling you to go fuck yourself.

What I really meant to say
is that my mom can do better

and I hate seeing you sit
in the chair my dad sat at.

If I am bipolar...

I sure as shit prefer mania
over depression.

Yo, Fez. So you know how
in every '90s thriller, right,

Morgan Freeman plays, like,
the same semi-psychic black cop.

So, I know that's kind of racist,
but the point is, in every movie,

he's always calmly putting
the fucking pieces of the case together,

while everybody else around him
is fucking freaking out,

saying, "You don't know what
the fuck you're talking about, Morgan.

"You're... You're a fucking bad husband.
You should fucking retire."

But no.
Morgan is fucking hyper-focused.

Because he can see
beyond the little details.

He's looking
for the big fuckin' picture.

Because all of this shit?
It's connected, Fez.

And it is way bigger than any of us
can even fucking see.

The point is, that's me.
Right now, that is fucking me.

I can see everything so fucking clearly.

I know what happened,
I know why it happened,

and I know what the fuck
I'm gonna do about it.

- Word.
- Word.

- She can't hear me, right?
- She can't see you, either.

Okay, good, 'cause this is, like,
some real top-secret shit.

Trust me, Rue, she not gonna gossip.

Okay.

- Do you still have that gun?
- What gun?

- The one from the couch.
- I mean, I got a couple guns.

- Why do you have so many guns?
- My grandma.

- That's cool.
- What you worried about my guns for?

Okay, well, I was thinking...

that maybe you could use one
to scare Nate Jacobs.

- Are you serious?
- I mean, I'm not not serious.

Rue, that must be the dumbest shit
you've said all fucking day.

You don't have to fucking point it
at him. You could just...

You could, like... You could flash it.

You really have lost
your fuckin' mind, Rue.

Fuck, it's a bad fucking idea, okay?
I just was fucking spit balling, here.

I mean, he fucked with me,
he fucked with Jules.

And I want fucking revenge.
Okay? Sorry.

Fuck. Mouse is here.

- The guy with the-
- All right, so, stay in here. Be quiet...

Fez, I can't... I can't stay in here.
Like, I'm really...

- Yes, the fuck you can. Shh!
- I'm not good with awkward silences.

Be quiet.
Listen, I'm really serious right now.

You just need to sit
your manic ass down,

and be quiet
for five fuckin' minutes, Rue.

I'm not fuckin' playin' with you.
Sit down and shut the fuck up.

Okay. This is so fuckin' weird.

Yo, Rue.

- Rue.
- Rue. Rue, I'm so lonely.

Me, too. Don't forget about me.

That old lady?
She doesn't even know we exist.

- Rue!
- Rue!

- Eat us all.
- Eat...

- Us...
- All!

Yo, I'm gonna need you
to start moving some weight.

Yo, I'm just trying to keep it
low-key over here, man.

And I'm trying to make fuckin' money.

Even if wanted all this shit, bruh,
I don't got the money for all this, man.

That's why you in luck.
I'm gonna front it to you.

Ten percent on the vig,
and I'll collect in a month.

I'm not tryin' to do all that shit, man.

I ain't asking, bruh. Step yo shit up.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

One...

The other thing about depression
is it kind of collapses time.

Rue, are you listening?

Suddenly, you find your whole days
blending together

to create one endless
and suffocating loop.

So you find yourself trying to remember
the things that made you happy.

- Do you want to get closer?
- Yeah.

But slowly, your brain begins to erase
every memory that ever brought you joy.

And eventually, all you can think about
is how life has always been this way.

And will only continue to be this way.

Previously, on Love Island...

Grab the amazing-ness
that you have with Josh by the balls.

I wonder if Jules is having fun.

Stay clear of the tracks...

Oh, I missed you!

- So how are the suburbs treating you?
- They're claustrophobic.

Yeah, how do you like it? How you doing?

I don't know.
It's been a weird, weird-ass year.

- Weird in what way?
- Weird in every way.

Shit. You make
some good friends, at least?

- Yeah, I got one.
- Yeah?

But it's, like, complicated.

Well, are you friends,
or are you a little bit more,

- like a special kind of friend?
- Both, I guess? Yeah.

Okay. What, are you in love with him
or something?

- Her, not him. Yeah.
- Ooh, a little plot twist. Okay!

- No room for hetero-normativity in here.
- My bad.

So... what?

- I don't know. I don't know what it is.
- Yeah.

It's not, like, great right now.

I'm not exactly, like,
in the best place.

Why? What's going on?

I came here
so I wouldn't have to think about it.

Understood.

- This one?
- No, I'm one more up.

Yo, Anna.

- Hey.
- Anna, someone I want you to meet.

Hi. I'm Jules.

I know.

- You like it?
- Did y'all make these?

Our friend did.
I mean, are you guys gonna go out?

Uh, Anna's always trying
to put makeup on me. So awkward.

I remember walking out of Sears with
my first pair of heels in my backpack.

- Cute.
- And my heart was fucking racing.

And I got home,
and went straight to my room,

locked the door, put 'em on...

And, I just... felt like...

I was collecting herbs,

or making potions in order
to up my manna, you know?

Like, it started with that,
and then it was clothes,

and then it was makeup,
and eventually hormones.

Um, I just kind of kept leveling up.

So, what level are you at now?

I don't know.

But I definitely haven't reached
my full power.

- But you date guys, right?
- Date isn't really the right word.

What she means to say
is that she's a slut.

- Fuck you!
- What, it's not an insult!

- I mean...
- But you normally hook up with guys.

Yeah, but...
my relationship to men is weird.

- Like, how?
- In my head, it's like...

If I can conquer men,
then I can conquer femininity.

Why do you need a guy
to make you feel more feminine?

We'll circle back to that one.

- So have you?
- Have I what?

Conquered femininity?

I don't know.

But, it's not like I even
want to conquer it.

It's like I want
to fuckin' obliterate it.

And then move on to the next level.

And the next, and the next.

Level up. Level up!

Yeah. I don't really know
what the means, or looks like, but...

- I want it.
- Queerness is infinite.

Okay, look at me.

Yeah. You look adorable.

Stop.

I'm pregnant.

What?

Are you for real
that you're 100 percent pregnant?

Yeah.

I...

I'm sorry, uh...

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm...'m just a little bit nervous.

Nervous about what?

About what you're gonna say.

You're not really thinking
about having this kid, are you?

I really love you, McKay.

Yeah, I love you, too, but I'm doing
a lot of shit right now.

I'm in the middle of school right now.

It's a big fuckin' responsibility,
Cassie.

What if this is what I'm supposed
to do with my life?

What the fuck?

My parents are gonna kill me.
My coach is gonna kill me.

My parents are gonna fucking kill me.
Fuck.

Cass, I don't even think
you wanna have this baby, okay?

It's not a...
It's not a fuckin' fairy tale. Like...

It may seem all cute and cuddly to you,
but this is real shit.

I'm not even ready to be a dad.

I don't know if that's selfish to say
or whatever, but...

children are fuckin' scary.

You wanted to talk about it,
so here we are, we're talking about it.

But I say we don't do it.

I'm not saying I'm gonna have a baby.

I just wanted to dream about it
for a minute.

You'll make the best mother
on the planet one day.

I say that without a doubt.

- Hello?
- Hello?

For some reason your screen is black.
Should I call you back?

- No, I prefer to keep it that way.
- Oh. Okay.

- You drive a hard bargain.
- Yeah, well, a girl's gotta eat.

300 for thirty minutes.

- You should have asked for more.
- Really?

Let me see your whole body.
Stand up.

Yes. Keep going.

Yes.

Fantastic.

Are you nervous?

I-I-I... I mean,
I don't usually, um... undress.

But I am special. Right?

Yes.

Then say it.

You're special.

So, get undressed.

You're beautiful.

Can you get me a mango La Croix?

- And those cherry rolling papers?
- Anything else?

- What up, Fez?
- What's up, man?

Yo, can I get, uh,
two of the rolling papers, too, bruh?

Yo, man.

I don't know what's been going on
with you, Rue, and Jules and shit.

But you should know,
I really do care about her.

- Aren't you, like, her drug dealer?
- Nah, man.

What, are you in a relationship?

- Nah, bruh, that's like, my family.
- So it's platonic.

Look, man, all I'm saying is,
leave her and her friends alone.

Is that a threat?

- Nah, I'm just telling you.
- Or what?

We're not gonna be having
this conversation.

Fezco, let's get this straight.
You're, like, half a retard.

You dropped out of school at 20,
and now... you're a gangster.

What are you, like, fucking
Tony Montana? What's the plan?

You gonna be living in a mansion,
fuckin' pet tigers and shit?

Go fuck yourself.

Listen, bruh.

All I'm sayin', you keep fuckin' with
Rue and her friends, and I'mma kill you.

It's gonna be $5.75, playboy.

An adult bladder
can hold two cups of urine.

But if you're telling your bladder
to hold off

because, say, you're in the worst
depression of your fucking life,

your bladder will eventually fill.

And what begins to happen is...

all of the toxins that your kidneys
have pushed into your bladder

begin to travel back into your kidneys.

Fuck.

I know what you're thinking.
Rue, this is insane.

Don't get a kidney infection.
Walk to the bathroom.

Trust me, I'm thinking
the same fuckin' thing.

Like a little pot?

- You remind me of her.
- Who?

- My best friend.
- So what's she like?

- Honestly? Kind of a mess.
- So I'm a mess?

- Yeah.
- How am I a mess?

I don't know yet.

I think I'm really high.

- Should I text her?
- No.

You only get one more.

- Jules.
- What are you doing here?

- You texted me.
- I did?

Did you not want me to come?

You here alone?

No, no, no, no, no.

- I'm scared of you, Nate.
- I'm sorry. For everything.

I'm sorry for hurting you.

You... you were the most beautiful
person that I've ever known.

I'm Tyler.

I'm the person
that you fell in love with.

- I wanna kill you.
- I'm yours. I'm all yours.

You're a pussy. You're a bitch.

And I wish the whole fucking world
could know.

I know this isn't gonna end well.

Hello?

Yeah, I'd like to report a crime.

Mom.

I think I need your help.

Come here.

Come here. It's okay.
It's okay. I love you so much.

I love you so much.
You're so beautiful.

- Fuck!
- East Highland PD! Open the door!

Come on, bro.
Hurry the fuck up out there!

- We know you're in there. Open up!
- Fuck!

Goddamn it!

- Fuck, bro.
- What the fuck, man?

Come on, bruh.
Hurry up, for real, man.

Unlock the door! Open up, now!

Goddamn it!

Rue, what's wrong?

Okay, baby. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

I had a therapist once who said
that these states will wax and wane.

Which gave my mother relief,

because it meant that in the bad times,
there would be good times.

But it also gave her anxiety

because it meant that in the good times,
there would be bad times.

It always confused me, because
I didn't really know what it meant.

It's okay, baby. It's okay.

But it did sound a lot calmer
than the way I would describe it.

I think I need to go back on medication.

There you go. How you feel? Okay?

I know you're feeling low
right now, baby.

But the fact that you didn't turn back
means you're gettin' better.

It does.

It does.

Granted, I didn't realize until later
what waxing and waning implied.

That these feelings
were fixed and constant

and would never end
for the rest of my life.