Escape to the Chateau DIY (2018–2021): Season 1, Episode 16 - The Alexanders 1 - full transcript
I'm Dick Strawbridge,
and along with my wife Angel
and our two children,
we left the UK
for a whole new life in France
and bought
this magnificent chateau.
We haven't ever regretted
what we've done.
It is so worth it.
Dick, voice-over: We've
gradually been making it
into our home, as well
as running it as a business...
That's a long way up.
Dick, voice-over: but it
turns out we're not alone
as dozens of Brits are doing
exactly the same thing.
Boy: Ha ha!
Sometimes, you have to pinch
yourself to think, "I own that."
Dick, voice-over:
In this series, Angel and I
will reveal more
about our journey
as chateau owners...
Find a lot of scrap here.
It's worth money.
Might be able to pay you
this time.
Dick, voice-over: and guide
these daring Brits
where we can...
It's a solid old bridge, matey.
Dick, voice-over:
as they renovate...
This is looking good.
I'm quite happy with this.
Dick, voice-over: repair...
I've never done this before,
so it should be all right.
Dick, voice-over: and struggle
to transform these buildings
into their homes and businesses.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Absolutely magnificent.
This is the glamorous
chateau life
that everyone thinks I lead.
Just trying to avoid getting
my face
nearer the toilet seat.
This is not the way
to make money.
Dick, voice-over: But however
hard the going gets,
these plucky Brits
can always say
they're kings and queens
of their very own castles.
Cheers! Chin-chin.
Dick, voice-over: Today...
Man: We need someone
like Dick Strawbridge.
He'd understand
something like this.
Dick, voice-over: One couple's
expansion plans
are under threat
from hundreds of bees...
Man: Look at that.
They're swarming.
Dick, voice-over: and some
tractor trouble.
[Tractor engine stops]
Man: Can't believe I've
just done this.
Incredibly stupid
thing to do.
Dick, voice-over: There's design
disagreement
at this very ambitious
renovation project.
Woman: Can you do it
with a glass roof?
Man: Abso[bleep]lutely, yes.
We'll do that. Definitely.
I'm actually being serious.
Dick, voice-over: And at our
beautiful chateau,
my mind's on food...
You could put cheese in here,
you know, all sorts of
salamis and meats
and things can go in here.
Dick, voice-over:
building a food smoker.
[Drilling]
This is the subtle way of
lighting.
Dick, voice-over: Meet
Essex-born Tim
and his Dutch wife Margreeth.
They own and run this
imposing-looking building
Chateau des Lys.
Built in the mid-19th century,
it was once a boys' school.
The couple are now
into their 4th year
running it as a B&B.
Tim: Well, I see this place
as being a bit like
a cross between sort of the
Addams Family and Faulty Towers.
You know, I mean, it's
kind of lovely.
On the other hand, you can look
at it as kind of forbidding.
Dick, voice-over: Before giving
up everything
for their new life in France,
Tim was the bassist
in a successful band,
and Margreeth was a teacher.
[Laughter]
Margreeth: It's so great
to do something totally new
and out of your comfort zone.
In Holland, our lives were
very, very separate.
He always worked weekends,
evenings, holidays,
and yeah, we really like
being together still.
It's amazing!
We're very lucky.
Dick, voice-over: Situated
in Northern France,
in the Picardy region,
it's a big place.
64 rooms--5 of them
used for bed and breakfast
and 2 holiday cottages
in the 14-acre grounds.
Tim: I love this place,
think it's great.
When we arrived,
it was basically [indistinct],
I have to say.
Dick, voice-over: It's the start
of the summer season,
and they're busy
entertaining guests.
Margreeth: This is our verandah.
This is where our guests
normally have the breakfast,
and we use this a lot as well.
Arguably, the nicest place
in the chateau to sit
and just look out the window,
and for the price of less
than a house in London,
you can get all this
with all the land and
everything.
Dick, voice-over: They're
reluctant to reveal
exactly how much
they paid for it,
but I reckon
they got a bargain.
Margreeth: It's a wow,
still a wow.
to live in
a place like this.
Tim: I think it works out
about somewhere between
5,000 and 6,000
a month to run this place.
Margreeth: It's actually
a bit more than that.
It's actually nearly 8,000.
We don't really
make money here yet.
Dick, voice-over: At the moment,
they barely break even.
But this year,
Tim and Margreeth
are determined
to make a profit,
so they've come up with
a bold idea:
running a caravan park.
Tim: Last weekend, if we'd have
had these things in place,
we would have earned another
1,000 Euros for that week
that we had so much demand.
They have their first
caravan booking
for later in the summer,
but the park doesn't exist yet.
Their only caravan
is a complete mess,
and it's parked in
the wrong field.
So first up, Tim needs to
tow it into place
with this tiny tractor.
Good luck, mate.
The battery's not working,
so I've had to
replace it with another one,
except the size of batteries
in this
particular area
do not correspond with the size
of the hole in the engine.
I found a battery which fits
to about 25 millimeters,
so I'm gonna have to saw off
the last 25 millimeters.
Dick, voice-over:
Not a good idea.
Do not try this at home!
[Sawing]
[Bleep]
That's an incredibly stupid
thing to do.
I can't believe
I just done this.
Dick, voice-over:
Nor can I!
It's now dangerous,
and it's leaking sulfuric acid.
This battery needs
to be recycled,
but Tim got a sealing gun
and he's got other ideas.
It normally hardens off
pretty quickly, actually.
So, um...actually
might have worked.
Except that it didn't.
Dick, voice-over: Take two.
It's still leaking.
Dick, voice-over: I'll be
gobsmacked if this ever works.
[Exhales]
It hasn't worked.
Dick, voice-over:
No surprises there.
I'm beginning to learn Tim's not
the type to give up.
Incredibly, he's decided to
place the battery on its side.
I don't see any reason
why it shouldn't work.
Dick, voice-over: It may
function, but it will leak
and give off dangerous gases.
Well, anyway, it fits
a lot better like that. Ha!
If I'd have put it in
like that originally,
wouldn't need to saw
anything off.
Dick, voice-over: Definitely
do not try this at home!
Ah! A trusty universal
engine starter.
[Engine chugging]
Dick, voice-over:
Ah, the sweet sound...
[Engine stops]
Dick, voice-over:
of stalling.
Sounds like you've run
out of diesel.
[Splash]
Dick, voice-over: Like Tim,
there's nothing I like more
than tinkering around
an old engine
or, even better, building
my own invention.
Luckily for me, I've got
a chateau full of treasures
left behind by
the previous owners.
Look in there!
That barrel is in
amazing condition!
Dick, voice-over:
I've got a plan for
one of these old barrels.
If there's one thing I love as
much as engineering, it's food.
I've been building my own food
smokers as a hobby for years.
It's about time I made my first
one for the chateau.
Dick: Think I built
my first smoker
probably 30 years ago
out of an oil drum.
All you have to do is put
a smoke box outside it,
put some smoke into it,
and you get smoked food.
Dick, voice-over:
Now I just need a stove
for the fire.
It's another treasure hunt.
I just love the fact that every
time I come to the attic,
you find something.
That's almost too pretty.
I'll use that probably as a
stove as opposed to a smoker.
Dick, voice-over: And this
little burner should be perfect.
I reckon it's from
the twenties or thirties
and looks pretty much
purpose-built.
It looks like it's meant
to be smoking food.
And this is so ridiculous.
Oh, no, hold on.
Ha ha ha ha!
It's better than that!
It opens and shuts to regulate
the amount of smoke.
Thought I was gonna have to
build something to do that.
Way to go!
[Tapping]
I've done lots of
different types of smokers.
This is the cold smoker.
I have a lovely oak barrel,
and I'm going to
cut it up.
Dick, voice-over:
Wooden barrels, oil drums,
even a filing cabinet can all be
turned into cold smokers.
As there's very little
heat involved,
most materials will work,
including sturdy cardboard.
Beside that, I've got
my little stove,
and there's a pipe
going between the two.
In the little stove,
there's a little firebox,
and the smoke in there is warm.
But by the time
it's moved down the pipe
and into my barrel,
it'll be cool.
Dick, voice-over: It's simple.
Create an opening
at one end of the smoker,
fit a single pipe and connect
to some kind of a stove
holding your fire.
Dick: Fills this, everything
in there gets smoked,
and all my excess smoke
goes out the top.
You can put cheese in here,
you know, all sorts of
salamis and meats
and things can go in here.
And they will get smoke flavor
without them cooking.
Dick, voice-over: I fancy some
French cheese as the first food
into the Strawbridge smoker.
Just half a mile
down the road,
there's a fromagerie who
specializes in beautiful
soft cheeses. Perfect.
Peut-être nous fumer
notre fromage, aussi.
Ah, I think they understand
what's going on.
C'est bon. Oh! [Indistinct]
Dick: I was thinking
what we could do is
keep one to the side
as a control,
smoke two--
- Yeah.
April:
I'm up for that.
Dick: Gol, we're gonna be
so full of cheese.
- Thank you.
- Au revoir.
- Au revoir.
- Bye-bye. Thank you.
One of the delights of smoking
is experimenting
with different types of wood
which will all add flavor.
I reckon the shavings
from the chateau apple trees
will be lovely.
This is the subtle
way of lighting.
Darling, it will be
6 hours of gentle smoking,
followed by
24 hours of waiting,
followed by cheese.
Dick, voice-over: After a
frankly agonizing wait,
it's the moment of truth.
- Whoa...
- Oh, man.
Yummy, yummy.
Mmm...
mmm...
That works, baby.
Dick, voice-over: Delicious,
just as I knew
it would be.
Dick: When you sit down
at a table
that's got your food on it,
you think to yourself
"Wow, life's good."
Angel: It's beautiful.
Dick, voice-over: Angel and I
have spent almost 3 years
doing up our friend's chateau,
and we're nowhere near finished.
But that's the commitment you
take on
with these magnificent
buildings.
This is Chateau d'Humieres,
a crumbling 18th-century castle,
home to designer Nicole and her
architect boyfriend Stephan.
Nicole: He's very skilled
at doing the construction
and pulling the building
back together.
My thing isn't that. It's more
the aesthetic side of things.
Stephan: I'm into old buildings.
I love old buildings.
I love the old stone.
I love this region.
Nicole: I'm lucky.
hectic, but lucky.
Stephan: Every day gives us
some new challenges,
everything going dramatically
wrong sometimes,
but it's an adventure.
Nicole: That's what's fun.
Dick, voice-over: Nicole from
London has been helping
Belgian Stephan restore
this 12-acre pile
since they met 3 years ago.
Stephan: I think the castle has
about--how many rooms we have?
Nicole: No idea. I don't think
I've ever counted.
Stephan: No.
Situated in the Pas-de-Calais
region of Northern France,
Stephan originally bought this
place with his parents.
But since they passed away,
He and Nicole have been
turning it into their home.
But they desperately need
to bring in some cash.
So they've hit on a plan
to renovate the chateau's
crumbling main hall and open it
as a tea room.
Nicole: We're just doing a
preliminary kind of clean.
It's got years of grime
on the walls
and in the corners
by the window.
Stephan: And needs
to stop draining money,
needs to be not
generating money,
but at least to be
self-financing.
Nicole: We plan to have
the tea room open
towards sometime in August.
Now we're mid-May,
it's like no time at all.
Dick, voice-over: Just 3 months
to gut this wreck,
create a new kitchen, and turn
it into a tea room.
I reckon that makes them
supremely confident
or a little deluded.
Stephan: So let's have a look
underneath here,
see what's happening there.
Dick, voice-over:
This morning, they're working
on what will be
the tea room's main entrance.
Stephan wants to get rid
of the ugly flagstone
paving outside
and is keen to see if there are
any original features beneath.
Stephan: It's huge.
Nicole: You think it's bigger
than the other one?
It's a gigantic stone.
- I think it's concrete.
- Oh, really?
Stephan: My goodness.
That's concrete.
Dick, voice-over: All their
digging has revealed
is plain concrete.
Not quite the period feature
they were hoping for.
Stephan:
Well, lot of disappointed.
Dick, voice-over:
Never fear. Designer Nicole
is bound to find a way of
turning boring concrete
into something beautiful.
Nicole: We're going to
pull up a meter 20 either
side of the step
and then hopefully create
some kind of sweep in.
Dick, voice-over: It's turning
into a major excavation.
But after an hour's hard graft,
Nicole's plan is already
taking shape.
Nicole: That is absolutely
the entrance.
Dick, voice-over: And there's a
surprise for Stephan.
[Scraping]
Cobblestone.
This is a cobblestone.
Look, Nicole.
They're gigantic.
Nicole:
Just so beautiful.
Stephan:
See? I had a good idea.
Ha ha ha!
Dick, voice-over:
What a result.
Past the edge
of the concrete,
Stephan stumbled upon the
chateau's original
18th-century cobblestones.
They could clean up
and be a perfect entrance
for the tea room.
Stephan: Never thought we were
going to find
such beautiful stones
under here.
They're from the first part
of the castle,
so from the first build
of the castle.
Should be 1780s.
Dick, voice-over: But now
Stephan's left with
a couple of tons of rubble
and no easy way to move it...
although he thinks
he may have the answer.
So this ... has been standing
here I think for about 10 years.
Dick, voice-over: What
a magnificent beast.
But he's going to need
a lot of luck if he wants
to get it started.
Renovating a chateau is all
about being resourceful
and making the best
of what you've got.
Back in our place in
Northwest France,
Angel's a bit of an expert
when it comes to seeing
the potential
in almost anything.
This color is quite
fashionable, isn't it,
but I just don't like it.
Paint stripper.
Dick, voice-over: Angel wants to
strip away the hideous green
yet still maintain the door's
original character.
The process is simple enough,
but we easily have 100 doors in
this place
pretty much all in need
of some kind of attention.
So we're gonna do this bit
first,
and then when I sort of
get to about here,
I'll put some on there.
So be a bit of a rolling effect,
and I'll go down the door.
Dick, voice-over: This one
door will most likely take
Angel two hours
to bring it to life.
Angel: Dick had to
strip some of these doors
at the start, 'cause we had lead
paint, basically.
Once he started stripping them,
it was just a revelation.
They looked really good.
And it was kind of cheap.
Dick, voice-over: A good
wooden door
can easily cost
£100 new.
Multiply that by
the number we got
and you're looking at
thousands of pounds.
My pockets aren't
that deep.
[Scraping]
We can't afford
to replace everything.
It's just crazy.
Love keeping the character
of the house.
This is what
I'm here to do.
This is my calling in life...
to look after old things.
[Snorts]
I love Dick. Ha ha!
There's just so many different
parts to the door.
It's finding what bits
works for each
so you don't scratch
the door.
Dick, voice-over:
Deep scratches might mean
the wood needs sanding down
or, in bad cases,
a squeeze of wood filler,
extra work you don't need,
so it's worth taking care.
I mean, just look how beautiful
these doors are underneath.
Why did they
paint them green?
I don't know.
The problem is, I'm always under
the time schedule.
The kids are coming home soon.
Dick, voice-over:
That's the problems
with jobs in the chateau.
Sometimes everyday life
takes over.
It was weeks later before the
door could finally be hung,
but it was worth it.
I was very, very surprised
of how well it turned out,
even more surprised when we put
a matte varnish on to seal it.
Kind of dulled down the tones
a little bit,
and I've actually got something
that I really love.
Dick, voice-over: So far, we've
spent a relatively modest
3 years renovating
our chateau.
Check out this place
that's a decade in and counting.
For 1,000 years, overlooking
the hills of Lautrec,
has stood Chateau de
Brametourte.
The medieval fort is the
ancestral home
of the famous painter Henri de
Toulouse-Lautrec.
Lovely view.
Dick, voice-over: It's now owned
by IT specialist Paul
and his wife Alison,
an HR consultant
who paid £650,000
for the chateau 10 years ago.
Alison: We had a list of things
we were looking for,
and top of the list was that
there had to be a "Wow" factor
associated with it.
This definitely had
the "Wow" factor.
and also somewhere that had
lots of materials
that we could use
for the restoration.
There was old tiles--roofing
tiles, floor tiles--old doors.
We brought a friend
to look at it,
and she said, "Do you realize
there's a fine line
"between a renovation
opportunity and a ruin?
And I think you're really
looking at a ruin here."
Dick, voice-over: They've worked
for over a decade
to breathe new life
into this French relic
and turn it into
a B&B.
These windows were originally
just plastic over
a whole in the wall.
We had a local craftsman
make these reproduction
antique windows.
Certainly add to the chateau,
make it feel authentic.
Located in the south of France
in the Languedac region,
the local vineyards echo
with the sound
of ongoing renovation works.
Paul is making
an outdoor kitchen
so that this summer's paying
guests
can have food and drink
by the swimming pool.
As with every job, he recycles
the original material
from the chateau.
So this is some old oak.
In a number of the rooms, we
took out the floorboards,
but if you cut off
the crumbly bits
and the bits
that have been eaten,
it's really solid.
Oak has a heart, and
that becomes as hard
as steel over time.
So by trimming them up
and reusing them,
we can make a very
rustic-looking kitchen,
and we've kind of restored part
of the heritage of the house.
Dick, voice-over: Even though
they do most of the renovations
themselves,
this place still costs
an arm and a leg.
Alison: The budget is around
50,000 Euros to run this place
each year, which means that Paul
and I are doing contract work.
We just want to be here,
because it's
a fabulous place.
Dick, voice-over: This year,
they're hoping to give up
their contract work
and run the chateau full-time.
by hosting more weddings--
events that bring in more profit
than the B&B
and the small tea parties
they hold.
Alison: We've got to really
plan the next few months
very carefully.
We've got to make absolutely
sure that the kitchen is
operational,
that we've got furniture
and everything organized.
What are you doing?
You've got--
I'm doing all of that.
I don't know what you're doing.
Dick, voice-over: But there's
one job that Paul
has avoided all winter.
Their swimming pool is the
centerpiece
for the wedding events.
It's been slowly losing water
and the decking has subsided,
making it dangerous.
Paul: This decking settled down
6 inches,
so we've got a small problem.
But I think also that might
be the cause of why
the water's leaking,
'cause there's a few pipes
that come out here,
and if the soil's settled down,
it could have
snapped the pipes.
So that could be the cause
of the water leak.
So I've got to dig up
all the side of the pool.
It's gonna be really hard
to repair.
They need it fixed before a big
wedding in a month's time.
Alison: We're a little bit
under pressure
'cause the swimming pool's
right in front of the chapiteau,
which is French for "marquee."
It's all leaking away,
where is it going?
We don't want our customers
to disappear
down the side of the hill
as the water washes
the clay area away.
Dick, voice-over: Alison's off
on a 3-week business trip
to Australia, and is expecting
Paul to have it sorted
by the time she gets back.
Paul: It's not a job I'm
looking forward to,
to be honest.
Dick, voice-over:
Some 550 miles north,
back at Tim and Margreeth's
chateau in Picardy,
they're attempting to create
a new caravan park
to bring in
much needed revenue.
Tim's trying to tow his caravan
to its new home
in the next field, but he's
having tractor trouble.
He's spent hours trying to fit
a new battery,
but the problem
is much simpler.
Why, I've got a feeling
that it's out of petrol!
Dick, voice-over: You numpty.
I told you.
Tim: How you doing? You could
just pull the caravan.
Dick, voice-over:
Might be quicker at this rate.
Tim: I'm hoping that this is
the problem
why the engine stopped.
[Engine starts]
Dick, voice-over: Success,
but very wisely,
Tim's not keen on driving
the tractor with acid
pouring out of his battery.
Ha ha!
What I'm gonna do now
is be very, very careful
not to store it.
Dick, voice-over: Once
it's been fired up,
the alternator can keep
the engine ticking over
without a battery, but it's
not great for the engine.
All Tim's got to do now
is hook up the caravan
and tow it away.
Good luck with that.
[Engine huffing]
Ha ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: I think
that's what kids today
call an epic fail.
Tim: Have to say,
it's beaten me.
This hasn't moved an inch.
That's it, so yeah.
Size matters. Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over:
It sure does.
Lucky for Tim, his neighbor's
willing to lend a hand
with this beauty.
Tim: He's maneuvered it
into position.
I'm gonna have to say it's
a brilliant bit of driving.
Dick, voice-over:
The caravan may now
be in the right place,
but it still needs
a complete makeover.
It'll be spruced up, put some
glass in the windows,
change the top bit, change the
bottom bit,
stick a new chassis on it,
Dick, voice-over: Just a bit
of work, then.
Back at Nicole and Stephan's
chateau
in the Pas-de-Calais.
They've a tight deadline to turn
a grand but derelict hall
into a high-end tea room
and terrace
so the chateau can start
paying for itself.
But the exciting discovery of
some 18th-century cobblestones
has thrown up several tons
of heavy rubble.
Stephan's putting his faith
in this rusty old digger.
So this ...has been standing
here for I think about 10 years.
Let's see if we can
start it up.
Dick, voice-over:
Good luck with that.
First, Stephan checks
the battery.
Stephan: Why doesn't this
want to start? Come on.
[Tapping]
Dick, voice-over:
It looks like it's dead.
A crude way of testing it
is to short-circuit the battery.
If the battery sparks,
then there's some charge,
but it's not recommended.
[Crackle]
A-ha!
Dick, voice-over: Bingo!
This antiquated French digger
might actually start.
[Car engine revving]
Utter madness.
[Engine starting]
Dick, voice-over:
Unbelievably, the engine
seems to be ticking over fine.
Now there's just the small
matter of learning how
to drive it.
Meanwhile, upstairs, designer
Nicole is in her element,
examining some of the chateau's
old wallpaper.
[Wallpaper peeling]
Wow. That is so satisfying.
There's like 5 or 6 layers
of wallpaper here.
[Wallpaper peeling]
Dick, voice-over: She's looking
for inspiration
for the tea room decor.
Isn't that amazing?
What amazing colors!
I mean, it's so bright.
Wow! Can't get over
how stunning this is.
Dick, voice-over: This could be
the chateau's original wallpaper
dating back to 1780.
Nicole:
You know, it might be nice,
use it downstairs
in the tea room.
Dick, voice-over: Back down
in the gardens,
it's crunch time for Stephan.
He's managed to get this old
beast to the chateau,
but can he make it lift?
Stephan: What could happen now
is that the hydraulic cables
snap because of the weight.
Dick, voice-over:
Bingo!
Dick, voice-over:
So thanks to
this amazing find,
the rubble is soon
swiftly moved.
So you see what you can find
on the castle.
Oh...
Dick, voice-over: Inside
Nicole's keen to share
her wallpaper discovery
and sell Stephan on her plan
to bring it back to life
in the tea room.
Stephan: Oh, my goodness.
It's busy, eh? It's very busy.
Nicole: What we'll do
is copy that.
- Yeah?
- And have it...
made into the new wallpaper.
OK.
Nicole: We've just revealed
those orange cobblestones.
- Yeah, yeah, and--
- As you walk in--
- They match together.
- It'll be brilliant.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I see what you mean.
- Very special, eh?
- It's really nice,
don't you think?
Stephan: This is fantastic.
It's a great discovery.
Paul and Alison are desperate
to give up their contract work
and make a full-time living
from their chateau
by hosting more weddings.
Before they can open their
doors this summer,
Paul needs to fix the leaking
swimming pool
and subsiding terrace--pronto.
With his wife in Australia,
he's busy planning the
repairs in his workshop.
Paul: This is the workshop,
and it used to be
the water tank for the chateau.
And when the water mains
were laid,
we thought it would be
a great idea
to turn this
into a workshop.
Dick, voice-over: Perfect
for all the renovations
and work around the chateau,
like fixing the swimming pool.
In previous summers,
they turned the pool area
into a wedding venue
with the marquee
overlooking the valley.
But in his man cave, Paul has
another project
he'd rather get on with.
We found this
when we bought the chateau.
It was hidden away
in the basement.
And it's a Solex,
a very traditional
French bicycle
that they stuck a petrol engine
on the top of.
So this petrol engine's got a
little rubber wheel,
and it turns the front wheel,
and you start the engine
and you push it forward,
it connects to the front wheel.
You zoom along, and you can get
a good 20 kilometers an hour
out of it.
So it'd be great if I can
get that going.
Yeah, perfect for popping into
town and getting a baguette
in the morning.
Dick, voice-over: Not sure
Alison will be happy
to come home
and find you spent your time
fiddling with that bike.
At the opposite end
of the country,
back at Tim and Margreeth's B&B
in Northern France,
the summer season may already
be underway,
but they need to find ways
to bring in more cash.
The plan--a caravan park.
But they have
another idea, too--
starting a co-ownership scheme
on their holiday gites.
Tim: Basically, it's costing
them 25,000 Euros,
which is a one-off payment,
and that gives you--
for 25 years,
that gives you 5 weeks.
So someone will have 5 weeks
of the year,
which is a sort of
rotation.
Thing's a bit
like a timeshare.
And you can do whatever
you like with it.
You can rent it out,
whatever.
Dick, voice-over:
But there's a spanner
in the works.
They can't lease the gites
unless they fix a problem:
a bee colony
in one of the chimneys.
This is why you need someone
like Dick Strawbridge.
I mean, he'd understand
something like this.
Dick, voice-over: Sadly, those
bees have to go.
Otherwise, no one will
want to stay there.
They're in a chimney.
It's in a family gites,
so there'll be people
going in and out of there.
And so I have to deal with this.
It breaks my heart, but
unfortunately, there's no way
of getting rid of them
without actually having
to kill them.
So on with the beekeeping
outfit.
I don't actually have
a beekeeping outfit,
so I'm gonna improvise
and make one.
Dick, voice-over:
In this case, using a tree
surgeon's helmet,
bin bags, and plenty
of gaffer tape.
So what we're doing here is
we're sealing up this bit here
to stop bees getting in,
make it as big as possible,
so that gives me
a bit of protection.
Right.
How much does a beekeeping
outfit cost? You got any idea?
Probably about 10 Euros
or something.
Pretty cheap than a roll
of gaffer tape, you know.
Dick, voice-over: You can get
one online for around 20 quid.
OK. You've never
looked better.
- I know I have.
- Well, then...
Dick, voice-over: Ridiculous
outfit--check.
Equipment--check.
Man walking towards
certain death--let's hope not.
[Buzzing]
- OK, good luck.
- Thank you.
I don't feel very safe doing
this, I have to admit.
It's like...
Dick, voice-over:
"Bee" careful, Tim.
Sorry. Sorry about that.
He normally comes down whole,
so let's just...
trust that that
will happen again this time.
[Buzzing]
The little bees
are very, very busy.
The good thing about that
is I can see where they're
going in and out.
They should be fairly easy
to close.
Dick, voice-over:
Like his suit,
Tim's plan is a bit
slapdash.
First, he tries to get
the bees out with insect spray.
OK, here goes nothing.
[Loud buzzing]
There they go.
Look at that. They're swarming.
Dick, voice-over: Next, he tries
to block up all the gaps.
There are a lot more bees
than I thought there were.
[Buzzing]
Be careful, Tim.
Hold on.
Tim: Ah, there we go.
There's a big hole there.
So I'm just gonna
fill this hole up.
There's probably a great big
front door around the other side
that I can't get to.
Dick, voice-over:
Unbelievably, it seems his
ridiculous beekeeping suit
is working.
Tim: The good news is,
they seem to be going
for the foam rather than me.
Margreeth: I'll be glad
when it's over.
It's scary
seeing him up there.
I've done the job because I can
see that the bees
can't get in or out.
Tim: Ah, man, it's nice
to get out of that.
- Well, then.
- Thank you.
Tim: Just have to wait and see
what happens with the bees.
Margreeth: Yeah, just give it
a couple of days.
It's done.
A ... life, isn't it?
Well done.
Dick, voice-over: Getting rid
of these bees is vital.
Leasing out the gites
means a cash injection
of 25,000 Euros.
But for now,
Tim and Marguerite
have other things
on their mind...
Tim: Lots of people coming in.
It's a full chateau.
And these are the last-minute
preps before people turn up.
Dick, voice-over: preparing for
the arrival of 30 guests
tomorrow.
Tim: Panicking.
Dick, voice-over: Back down in
the Languedac
in the south of France,
Paul's finally got around
to trying to repair
the swimming pool.
It's the visual focus
for their weddings,
which are crucial to increase
their profits.
[Dog snarling]
Champ, no! Ha!
Dick, voice-over: With the help
of his friend Grant,
he's hoping to find out
why the pool is losing water
and make the decking
safe for guests.
Paul: So what we do, I think,
Grant, is take the wooden
flooring off, dig down,
have a look,
fix the repair, fill it up,
check it to working,
and then job done.
- OK.
If we get a push on,
we'll be done today.
- Optimistic.
- Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Paul's wife
Alison is away working...
Grant: And we sort of need to
know which end is which.
Paul: I'll write it all
on the right-hand end.
Dick, voice-over:
and wants it's sorted
before she gets back.
Paul: We've got a real problem.
We've really got to
find out what's happened
and why it's leaking.
Otherwise, we could have
a disaster like this
when we've got customers here
in the summer.
The outer edge of reinforced
concrete, that has also
managed to sink down.
How deep are they?
Half a meter.
We'll just have to carry on
taking these things off, right?
Dick, voice-over: It's taken the
best part of 10 years
to turn the terrace into a
fantasy wedding venue
and just over 6 hours
for Paul and Grant
to turn it into
a building site.
[Whirring]
There's nothing you can't solve
with a sledgehammer, eh?
Dick, voice-over: Paul's
convinced the leak is coming
from a pipe that connects
the pool to the pump,
but that's buried under
18 inches of clay.
Get the dog here,
shouldn't we?
He'd be good at
helping digging.
Don't see any obvious...
I'll put the pool pump on,
create more pressure in that
circuit,
and we could see if it's
dripping out then.
Dick, voice-over: It's possible
that by increasing the pressure
in the pump, water will be
forced out of the leak
revealing where it is.
Well, what do you think?
Is it leaking?
Not yet.
It's as dry as a bone.
Dick, voice-over: But running
the pump has revealed
why the pool level
has been falling.
There isn't a leak after all.
Paul: So the equipment in the
poolhouse
was draining a bit of water
out the pool
when we didn't notice.
Dick, voice-over: Now they can
get on with fixing
the dangerous subsiding decking,
and Paul has
a solution for that.
Paul: We have lots of wood that
we've used in other projects,
so we're using some oak
and Douglas pine wood
that's not gonna rot.
[Drilling]
- Still straight?
- That's pretty good.
As good as new.
Dick, voice-over: So that's
the edging done.
Just another 75 boards
to put back.
Back north
in the Pas-de-Calais
at Nicole and Stephan's
dream chateau,
they're turning their attention
to their crumbling tower,
the only surviving--
just about--feature
of the 18th-century
fortifications.
They aren't yet sure what
they're going to do with it,
but it urgently needs
to be made safe.
See, that's actually the entire
roof that's collapsed
on this front.
You see the rafters of the roof
lying there and all the bricks.
Dick, voice-over: All that
fallen debris plus
years of weeds
need to be cleared off
the internal beams
so Stephan can make
the tower more stable.
[Chain saw buzzing]
Dick, voice-over:
As they work down the tower,
more problems crop up.
Some of the wooden joists are
rotten and need to be removed.
I'd like to keep
this one intact
and as soon as possible replace
the holes with new ones.
Dick, voice-over:
After 4 hours' graft,
Stephan's still got
a lot to do
just to make this thing safe,
but designer Nicole
is way ahead of him.
Nicole: Yeah. Well, maybe
we just make this
like a little extra space.
Maybe we have a rectangular
table in here.
So when are we going to aim
to do this by?
We have to do this
by August as well, do we?
We can have like a really lovely
old chandelier
hanging down there.
Can we get electrics to here?
- I am speechless.
- Ha ha!
Nicole: Can you do it with
a glass roof
so we can--
- Abso[bleep]lutely, yes.
We will do that.
Definitely.
And tell them, "Just come back
in August till we finish."
So I'm actually
being serious.
It would look amazing.
I'm sure you're serious,
actually.
It would look amazing, but
I think there's no way
that it's ever going to happen.
Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: When it comes
to interior design,
I get the impression Nicole
doesn't joke.
Back inside, she's been working
on replicating
the 18th-century wallpaper
to use in the tea room.
Nicole: What we've
decided to do
is to see if we can create our
own version of this wallpaper.
So what would be nice is to
have some areas more faded
than others
so that it looks perhaps
like it's been there for
a very long time.
Dick, voice-over: With a bespoke
wallpaper design
complete with aged effect,
it's at least
one job less.
Nicole: You done it there.
That's better.
Dick, voice-over:
But they only have 3 months
to get the tea room ready
for the summer season.
and the floor is currently
an unseemly mix of unfinished
concrete
and replica tiles.
This needs replacing
and could take weeks.
To save time, Stephan's come up
with a shortcut--
installing a modern resin
flooring.
Stephan: This is the idea I
would like to achieve over here
in the castle.
We just put a nice coat of resin
over the existing concrete.
It's easy to install.
It's quickly done.
It just dries
and it's finished.
Dick, voice-over:
Typically, found
in airports and hospitals,
I have to say
it's a bold choice
for an 18th-century castle.
Stephan: I think it's
just gonna look brilliant
because it's gonna be so modern
in such an old place, so...
Nicole:
Come on in, David.
Dick, voice-over: This morning
they're meeting David,
a resin flooring specialist
from London.
David: You've got quite a task
on your hands, haven't you?
Nicole: We talked about
having a resin floor.
David: Ah, so it's been designed
to replace vinyl, if you like.
So it's like
a liquid vinyl.
It has flexibility to it.
Dick, voice-over: The aim is to
create a seamless floor
throughout the tea room.
They just need to decide
on the color.
That color works really nicely.
Looks like it's perfect.
I think it looks fab
with all of that together.
They do look good.
And that's quite a find,
isn't it, really?
Such a find.
Dick, voice-over: David leaves
with instructions for
Nicole and Stephan
to check if there is
solid concrete beneath
the old tiles,
as resin flooring must be laid
on a dry, solid base.
Nicole:
It's just earth.
Stephan:
It's very peculiar, yes.
Dick, voice-over: It's bad news.
With no concrete base, their
plan for the tea room floor
is in tatters.
Nicole: The thing is that
in order to put the
resin floor down,
it has to be free
of moisture below it,
otherwise it can bubble.
What we've discovered is
all this kind of clay-like
substance, sand,
that's got a very high
moisture content.
It's kind of a nightmare.
Dick, voice-over: It's a blow to
their hopes of opening the tea
room on time
and starting to bring in
some much-needed cash.
Down in the south of France,
things are looking
much brighter for Paul.
The swimming pool and decking
are all fixed.
He can now return to
the love of his life.
[Rattling]
That's pretty rattling.
Dick, voice-over: He found
it in the chateau when he
first moved in.
It's an S2200.
So be interesting to see
what year that's from.
Crikey, it's from 1961.
So it'll be great if I can
get that going.
Dick, voice-over: My guess is,
the warranty has expired,
but Paul's eager to try and get
it running again.
and tour the French
countryside at a heady
20 kilometers per hour.
Paul: Normally, it's either--
Oh! There's no spark
or there's no petrol.
Dick, voice-over: He's a novice
at swimming pool maintenance,
but he's got years of experience
with engines.
My next-door neighbor,
his dad run a garage.
I used to play around and tinker
with motorbikes and cars.
Let's try that.
Dick, voice-over:
Paul hasn't seen his wife Alison
for 3 weeks.
Maybe even get it
going now.
Dick, voice-over: She's been
working in Australia,
earning money to help cover
the chateau's running costs.
And today, she's come home.
Paul!
Paul!
Paul!
Where is he?
Dick, voice-over: It looks to me
like he's off to get some
baguettes.
Next time, there are shocks
in store at Paul and Alison's,
as they renovate
their dungeon.
- A finger bone.
- Oh, yeah, a finger bone, yeah.
Dick, voice-over: Tim and
Margreeth may have bitten off
more than they can chew
with a full chateau of guests.
We've got 14 people coming in to
have 28 fried eggs.
Panicking.
Dick, voice-over: And Angel
has a surprise for Nicole.
Ta-da!
There you go. You have been
knighted. Ha ha ha!
Brilliant!
This is so cool!
and along with my wife Angel
and our two children,
we left the UK
for a whole new life in France
and bought
this magnificent chateau.
We haven't ever regretted
what we've done.
It is so worth it.
Dick, voice-over: We've
gradually been making it
into our home, as well
as running it as a business...
That's a long way up.
Dick, voice-over: but it
turns out we're not alone
as dozens of Brits are doing
exactly the same thing.
Boy: Ha ha!
Sometimes, you have to pinch
yourself to think, "I own that."
Dick, voice-over:
In this series, Angel and I
will reveal more
about our journey
as chateau owners...
Find a lot of scrap here.
It's worth money.
Might be able to pay you
this time.
Dick, voice-over: and guide
these daring Brits
where we can...
It's a solid old bridge, matey.
Dick, voice-over:
as they renovate...
This is looking good.
I'm quite happy with this.
Dick, voice-over: repair...
I've never done this before,
so it should be all right.
Dick, voice-over: and struggle
to transform these buildings
into their homes and businesses.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Absolutely magnificent.
This is the glamorous
chateau life
that everyone thinks I lead.
Just trying to avoid getting
my face
nearer the toilet seat.
This is not the way
to make money.
Dick, voice-over: But however
hard the going gets,
these plucky Brits
can always say
they're kings and queens
of their very own castles.
Cheers! Chin-chin.
Dick, voice-over: Today...
Man: We need someone
like Dick Strawbridge.
He'd understand
something like this.
Dick, voice-over: One couple's
expansion plans
are under threat
from hundreds of bees...
Man: Look at that.
They're swarming.
Dick, voice-over: and some
tractor trouble.
[Tractor engine stops]
Man: Can't believe I've
just done this.
Incredibly stupid
thing to do.
Dick, voice-over: There's design
disagreement
at this very ambitious
renovation project.
Woman: Can you do it
with a glass roof?
Man: Abso[bleep]lutely, yes.
We'll do that. Definitely.
I'm actually being serious.
Dick, voice-over: And at our
beautiful chateau,
my mind's on food...
You could put cheese in here,
you know, all sorts of
salamis and meats
and things can go in here.
Dick, voice-over:
building a food smoker.
[Drilling]
This is the subtle way of
lighting.
Dick, voice-over: Meet
Essex-born Tim
and his Dutch wife Margreeth.
They own and run this
imposing-looking building
Chateau des Lys.
Built in the mid-19th century,
it was once a boys' school.
The couple are now
into their 4th year
running it as a B&B.
Tim: Well, I see this place
as being a bit like
a cross between sort of the
Addams Family and Faulty Towers.
You know, I mean, it's
kind of lovely.
On the other hand, you can look
at it as kind of forbidding.
Dick, voice-over: Before giving
up everything
for their new life in France,
Tim was the bassist
in a successful band,
and Margreeth was a teacher.
[Laughter]
Margreeth: It's so great
to do something totally new
and out of your comfort zone.
In Holland, our lives were
very, very separate.
He always worked weekends,
evenings, holidays,
and yeah, we really like
being together still.
It's amazing!
We're very lucky.
Dick, voice-over: Situated
in Northern France,
in the Picardy region,
it's a big place.
64 rooms--5 of them
used for bed and breakfast
and 2 holiday cottages
in the 14-acre grounds.
Tim: I love this place,
think it's great.
When we arrived,
it was basically [indistinct],
I have to say.
Dick, voice-over: It's the start
of the summer season,
and they're busy
entertaining guests.
Margreeth: This is our verandah.
This is where our guests
normally have the breakfast,
and we use this a lot as well.
Arguably, the nicest place
in the chateau to sit
and just look out the window,
and for the price of less
than a house in London,
you can get all this
with all the land and
everything.
Dick, voice-over: They're
reluctant to reveal
exactly how much
they paid for it,
but I reckon
they got a bargain.
Margreeth: It's a wow,
still a wow.
to live in
a place like this.
Tim: I think it works out
about somewhere between
5,000 and 6,000
a month to run this place.
Margreeth: It's actually
a bit more than that.
It's actually nearly 8,000.
We don't really
make money here yet.
Dick, voice-over: At the moment,
they barely break even.
But this year,
Tim and Margreeth
are determined
to make a profit,
so they've come up with
a bold idea:
running a caravan park.
Tim: Last weekend, if we'd have
had these things in place,
we would have earned another
1,000 Euros for that week
that we had so much demand.
They have their first
caravan booking
for later in the summer,
but the park doesn't exist yet.
Their only caravan
is a complete mess,
and it's parked in
the wrong field.
So first up, Tim needs to
tow it into place
with this tiny tractor.
Good luck, mate.
The battery's not working,
so I've had to
replace it with another one,
except the size of batteries
in this
particular area
do not correspond with the size
of the hole in the engine.
I found a battery which fits
to about 25 millimeters,
so I'm gonna have to saw off
the last 25 millimeters.
Dick, voice-over:
Not a good idea.
Do not try this at home!
[Sawing]
[Bleep]
That's an incredibly stupid
thing to do.
I can't believe
I just done this.
Dick, voice-over:
Nor can I!
It's now dangerous,
and it's leaking sulfuric acid.
This battery needs
to be recycled,
but Tim got a sealing gun
and he's got other ideas.
It normally hardens off
pretty quickly, actually.
So, um...actually
might have worked.
Except that it didn't.
Dick, voice-over: Take two.
It's still leaking.
Dick, voice-over: I'll be
gobsmacked if this ever works.
[Exhales]
It hasn't worked.
Dick, voice-over:
No surprises there.
I'm beginning to learn Tim's not
the type to give up.
Incredibly, he's decided to
place the battery on its side.
I don't see any reason
why it shouldn't work.
Dick, voice-over: It may
function, but it will leak
and give off dangerous gases.
Well, anyway, it fits
a lot better like that. Ha!
If I'd have put it in
like that originally,
wouldn't need to saw
anything off.
Dick, voice-over: Definitely
do not try this at home!
Ah! A trusty universal
engine starter.
[Engine chugging]
Dick, voice-over:
Ah, the sweet sound...
[Engine stops]
Dick, voice-over:
of stalling.
Sounds like you've run
out of diesel.
[Splash]
Dick, voice-over: Like Tim,
there's nothing I like more
than tinkering around
an old engine
or, even better, building
my own invention.
Luckily for me, I've got
a chateau full of treasures
left behind by
the previous owners.
Look in there!
That barrel is in
amazing condition!
Dick, voice-over:
I've got a plan for
one of these old barrels.
If there's one thing I love as
much as engineering, it's food.
I've been building my own food
smokers as a hobby for years.
It's about time I made my first
one for the chateau.
Dick: Think I built
my first smoker
probably 30 years ago
out of an oil drum.
All you have to do is put
a smoke box outside it,
put some smoke into it,
and you get smoked food.
Dick, voice-over:
Now I just need a stove
for the fire.
It's another treasure hunt.
I just love the fact that every
time I come to the attic,
you find something.
That's almost too pretty.
I'll use that probably as a
stove as opposed to a smoker.
Dick, voice-over: And this
little burner should be perfect.
I reckon it's from
the twenties or thirties
and looks pretty much
purpose-built.
It looks like it's meant
to be smoking food.
And this is so ridiculous.
Oh, no, hold on.
Ha ha ha ha!
It's better than that!
It opens and shuts to regulate
the amount of smoke.
Thought I was gonna have to
build something to do that.
Way to go!
[Tapping]
I've done lots of
different types of smokers.
This is the cold smoker.
I have a lovely oak barrel,
and I'm going to
cut it up.
Dick, voice-over:
Wooden barrels, oil drums,
even a filing cabinet can all be
turned into cold smokers.
As there's very little
heat involved,
most materials will work,
including sturdy cardboard.
Beside that, I've got
my little stove,
and there's a pipe
going between the two.
In the little stove,
there's a little firebox,
and the smoke in there is warm.
But by the time
it's moved down the pipe
and into my barrel,
it'll be cool.
Dick, voice-over: It's simple.
Create an opening
at one end of the smoker,
fit a single pipe and connect
to some kind of a stove
holding your fire.
Dick: Fills this, everything
in there gets smoked,
and all my excess smoke
goes out the top.
You can put cheese in here,
you know, all sorts of
salamis and meats
and things can go in here.
And they will get smoke flavor
without them cooking.
Dick, voice-over: I fancy some
French cheese as the first food
into the Strawbridge smoker.
Just half a mile
down the road,
there's a fromagerie who
specializes in beautiful
soft cheeses. Perfect.
Peut-être nous fumer
notre fromage, aussi.
Ah, I think they understand
what's going on.
C'est bon. Oh! [Indistinct]
Dick: I was thinking
what we could do is
keep one to the side
as a control,
smoke two--
- Yeah.
April:
I'm up for that.
Dick: Gol, we're gonna be
so full of cheese.
- Thank you.
- Au revoir.
- Au revoir.
- Bye-bye. Thank you.
One of the delights of smoking
is experimenting
with different types of wood
which will all add flavor.
I reckon the shavings
from the chateau apple trees
will be lovely.
This is the subtle
way of lighting.
Darling, it will be
6 hours of gentle smoking,
followed by
24 hours of waiting,
followed by cheese.
Dick, voice-over: After a
frankly agonizing wait,
it's the moment of truth.
- Whoa...
- Oh, man.
Yummy, yummy.
Mmm...
mmm...
That works, baby.
Dick, voice-over: Delicious,
just as I knew
it would be.
Dick: When you sit down
at a table
that's got your food on it,
you think to yourself
"Wow, life's good."
Angel: It's beautiful.
Dick, voice-over: Angel and I
have spent almost 3 years
doing up our friend's chateau,
and we're nowhere near finished.
But that's the commitment you
take on
with these magnificent
buildings.
This is Chateau d'Humieres,
a crumbling 18th-century castle,
home to designer Nicole and her
architect boyfriend Stephan.
Nicole: He's very skilled
at doing the construction
and pulling the building
back together.
My thing isn't that. It's more
the aesthetic side of things.
Stephan: I'm into old buildings.
I love old buildings.
I love the old stone.
I love this region.
Nicole: I'm lucky.
hectic, but lucky.
Stephan: Every day gives us
some new challenges,
everything going dramatically
wrong sometimes,
but it's an adventure.
Nicole: That's what's fun.
Dick, voice-over: Nicole from
London has been helping
Belgian Stephan restore
this 12-acre pile
since they met 3 years ago.
Stephan: I think the castle has
about--how many rooms we have?
Nicole: No idea. I don't think
I've ever counted.
Stephan: No.
Situated in the Pas-de-Calais
region of Northern France,
Stephan originally bought this
place with his parents.
But since they passed away,
He and Nicole have been
turning it into their home.
But they desperately need
to bring in some cash.
So they've hit on a plan
to renovate the chateau's
crumbling main hall and open it
as a tea room.
Nicole: We're just doing a
preliminary kind of clean.
It's got years of grime
on the walls
and in the corners
by the window.
Stephan: And needs
to stop draining money,
needs to be not
generating money,
but at least to be
self-financing.
Nicole: We plan to have
the tea room open
towards sometime in August.
Now we're mid-May,
it's like no time at all.
Dick, voice-over: Just 3 months
to gut this wreck,
create a new kitchen, and turn
it into a tea room.
I reckon that makes them
supremely confident
or a little deluded.
Stephan: So let's have a look
underneath here,
see what's happening there.
Dick, voice-over:
This morning, they're working
on what will be
the tea room's main entrance.
Stephan wants to get rid
of the ugly flagstone
paving outside
and is keen to see if there are
any original features beneath.
Stephan: It's huge.
Nicole: You think it's bigger
than the other one?
It's a gigantic stone.
- I think it's concrete.
- Oh, really?
Stephan: My goodness.
That's concrete.
Dick, voice-over: All their
digging has revealed
is plain concrete.
Not quite the period feature
they were hoping for.
Stephan:
Well, lot of disappointed.
Dick, voice-over:
Never fear. Designer Nicole
is bound to find a way of
turning boring concrete
into something beautiful.
Nicole: We're going to
pull up a meter 20 either
side of the step
and then hopefully create
some kind of sweep in.
Dick, voice-over: It's turning
into a major excavation.
But after an hour's hard graft,
Nicole's plan is already
taking shape.
Nicole: That is absolutely
the entrance.
Dick, voice-over: And there's a
surprise for Stephan.
[Scraping]
Cobblestone.
This is a cobblestone.
Look, Nicole.
They're gigantic.
Nicole:
Just so beautiful.
Stephan:
See? I had a good idea.
Ha ha ha!
Dick, voice-over:
What a result.
Past the edge
of the concrete,
Stephan stumbled upon the
chateau's original
18th-century cobblestones.
They could clean up
and be a perfect entrance
for the tea room.
Stephan: Never thought we were
going to find
such beautiful stones
under here.
They're from the first part
of the castle,
so from the first build
of the castle.
Should be 1780s.
Dick, voice-over: But now
Stephan's left with
a couple of tons of rubble
and no easy way to move it...
although he thinks
he may have the answer.
So this ... has been standing
here I think for about 10 years.
Dick, voice-over: What
a magnificent beast.
But he's going to need
a lot of luck if he wants
to get it started.
Renovating a chateau is all
about being resourceful
and making the best
of what you've got.
Back in our place in
Northwest France,
Angel's a bit of an expert
when it comes to seeing
the potential
in almost anything.
This color is quite
fashionable, isn't it,
but I just don't like it.
Paint stripper.
Dick, voice-over: Angel wants to
strip away the hideous green
yet still maintain the door's
original character.
The process is simple enough,
but we easily have 100 doors in
this place
pretty much all in need
of some kind of attention.
So we're gonna do this bit
first,
and then when I sort of
get to about here,
I'll put some on there.
So be a bit of a rolling effect,
and I'll go down the door.
Dick, voice-over: This one
door will most likely take
Angel two hours
to bring it to life.
Angel: Dick had to
strip some of these doors
at the start, 'cause we had lead
paint, basically.
Once he started stripping them,
it was just a revelation.
They looked really good.
And it was kind of cheap.
Dick, voice-over: A good
wooden door
can easily cost
£100 new.
Multiply that by
the number we got
and you're looking at
thousands of pounds.
My pockets aren't
that deep.
[Scraping]
We can't afford
to replace everything.
It's just crazy.
Love keeping the character
of the house.
This is what
I'm here to do.
This is my calling in life...
to look after old things.
[Snorts]
I love Dick. Ha ha!
There's just so many different
parts to the door.
It's finding what bits
works for each
so you don't scratch
the door.
Dick, voice-over:
Deep scratches might mean
the wood needs sanding down
or, in bad cases,
a squeeze of wood filler,
extra work you don't need,
so it's worth taking care.
I mean, just look how beautiful
these doors are underneath.
Why did they
paint them green?
I don't know.
The problem is, I'm always under
the time schedule.
The kids are coming home soon.
Dick, voice-over:
That's the problems
with jobs in the chateau.
Sometimes everyday life
takes over.
It was weeks later before the
door could finally be hung,
but it was worth it.
I was very, very surprised
of how well it turned out,
even more surprised when we put
a matte varnish on to seal it.
Kind of dulled down the tones
a little bit,
and I've actually got something
that I really love.
Dick, voice-over: So far, we've
spent a relatively modest
3 years renovating
our chateau.
Check out this place
that's a decade in and counting.
For 1,000 years, overlooking
the hills of Lautrec,
has stood Chateau de
Brametourte.
The medieval fort is the
ancestral home
of the famous painter Henri de
Toulouse-Lautrec.
Lovely view.
Dick, voice-over: It's now owned
by IT specialist Paul
and his wife Alison,
an HR consultant
who paid £650,000
for the chateau 10 years ago.
Alison: We had a list of things
we were looking for,
and top of the list was that
there had to be a "Wow" factor
associated with it.
This definitely had
the "Wow" factor.
and also somewhere that had
lots of materials
that we could use
for the restoration.
There was old tiles--roofing
tiles, floor tiles--old doors.
We brought a friend
to look at it,
and she said, "Do you realize
there's a fine line
"between a renovation
opportunity and a ruin?
And I think you're really
looking at a ruin here."
Dick, voice-over: They've worked
for over a decade
to breathe new life
into this French relic
and turn it into
a B&B.
These windows were originally
just plastic over
a whole in the wall.
We had a local craftsman
make these reproduction
antique windows.
Certainly add to the chateau,
make it feel authentic.
Located in the south of France
in the Languedac region,
the local vineyards echo
with the sound
of ongoing renovation works.
Paul is making
an outdoor kitchen
so that this summer's paying
guests
can have food and drink
by the swimming pool.
As with every job, he recycles
the original material
from the chateau.
So this is some old oak.
In a number of the rooms, we
took out the floorboards,
but if you cut off
the crumbly bits
and the bits
that have been eaten,
it's really solid.
Oak has a heart, and
that becomes as hard
as steel over time.
So by trimming them up
and reusing them,
we can make a very
rustic-looking kitchen,
and we've kind of restored part
of the heritage of the house.
Dick, voice-over: Even though
they do most of the renovations
themselves,
this place still costs
an arm and a leg.
Alison: The budget is around
50,000 Euros to run this place
each year, which means that Paul
and I are doing contract work.
We just want to be here,
because it's
a fabulous place.
Dick, voice-over: This year,
they're hoping to give up
their contract work
and run the chateau full-time.
by hosting more weddings--
events that bring in more profit
than the B&B
and the small tea parties
they hold.
Alison: We've got to really
plan the next few months
very carefully.
We've got to make absolutely
sure that the kitchen is
operational,
that we've got furniture
and everything organized.
What are you doing?
You've got--
I'm doing all of that.
I don't know what you're doing.
Dick, voice-over: But there's
one job that Paul
has avoided all winter.
Their swimming pool is the
centerpiece
for the wedding events.
It's been slowly losing water
and the decking has subsided,
making it dangerous.
Paul: This decking settled down
6 inches,
so we've got a small problem.
But I think also that might
be the cause of why
the water's leaking,
'cause there's a few pipes
that come out here,
and if the soil's settled down,
it could have
snapped the pipes.
So that could be the cause
of the water leak.
So I've got to dig up
all the side of the pool.
It's gonna be really hard
to repair.
They need it fixed before a big
wedding in a month's time.
Alison: We're a little bit
under pressure
'cause the swimming pool's
right in front of the chapiteau,
which is French for "marquee."
It's all leaking away,
where is it going?
We don't want our customers
to disappear
down the side of the hill
as the water washes
the clay area away.
Dick, voice-over: Alison's off
on a 3-week business trip
to Australia, and is expecting
Paul to have it sorted
by the time she gets back.
Paul: It's not a job I'm
looking forward to,
to be honest.
Dick, voice-over:
Some 550 miles north,
back at Tim and Margreeth's
chateau in Picardy,
they're attempting to create
a new caravan park
to bring in
much needed revenue.
Tim's trying to tow his caravan
to its new home
in the next field, but he's
having tractor trouble.
He's spent hours trying to fit
a new battery,
but the problem
is much simpler.
Why, I've got a feeling
that it's out of petrol!
Dick, voice-over: You numpty.
I told you.
Tim: How you doing? You could
just pull the caravan.
Dick, voice-over:
Might be quicker at this rate.
Tim: I'm hoping that this is
the problem
why the engine stopped.
[Engine starts]
Dick, voice-over: Success,
but very wisely,
Tim's not keen on driving
the tractor with acid
pouring out of his battery.
Ha ha!
What I'm gonna do now
is be very, very careful
not to store it.
Dick, voice-over: Once
it's been fired up,
the alternator can keep
the engine ticking over
without a battery, but it's
not great for the engine.
All Tim's got to do now
is hook up the caravan
and tow it away.
Good luck with that.
[Engine huffing]
Ha ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: I think
that's what kids today
call an epic fail.
Tim: Have to say,
it's beaten me.
This hasn't moved an inch.
That's it, so yeah.
Size matters. Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over:
It sure does.
Lucky for Tim, his neighbor's
willing to lend a hand
with this beauty.
Tim: He's maneuvered it
into position.
I'm gonna have to say it's
a brilliant bit of driving.
Dick, voice-over:
The caravan may now
be in the right place,
but it still needs
a complete makeover.
It'll be spruced up, put some
glass in the windows,
change the top bit, change the
bottom bit,
stick a new chassis on it,
Dick, voice-over: Just a bit
of work, then.
Back at Nicole and Stephan's
chateau
in the Pas-de-Calais.
They've a tight deadline to turn
a grand but derelict hall
into a high-end tea room
and terrace
so the chateau can start
paying for itself.
But the exciting discovery of
some 18th-century cobblestones
has thrown up several tons
of heavy rubble.
Stephan's putting his faith
in this rusty old digger.
So this ...has been standing
here for I think about 10 years.
Let's see if we can
start it up.
Dick, voice-over:
Good luck with that.
First, Stephan checks
the battery.
Stephan: Why doesn't this
want to start? Come on.
[Tapping]
Dick, voice-over:
It looks like it's dead.
A crude way of testing it
is to short-circuit the battery.
If the battery sparks,
then there's some charge,
but it's not recommended.
[Crackle]
A-ha!
Dick, voice-over: Bingo!
This antiquated French digger
might actually start.
[Car engine revving]
Utter madness.
[Engine starting]
Dick, voice-over:
Unbelievably, the engine
seems to be ticking over fine.
Now there's just the small
matter of learning how
to drive it.
Meanwhile, upstairs, designer
Nicole is in her element,
examining some of the chateau's
old wallpaper.
[Wallpaper peeling]
Wow. That is so satisfying.
There's like 5 or 6 layers
of wallpaper here.
[Wallpaper peeling]
Dick, voice-over: She's looking
for inspiration
for the tea room decor.
Isn't that amazing?
What amazing colors!
I mean, it's so bright.
Wow! Can't get over
how stunning this is.
Dick, voice-over: This could be
the chateau's original wallpaper
dating back to 1780.
Nicole:
You know, it might be nice,
use it downstairs
in the tea room.
Dick, voice-over: Back down
in the gardens,
it's crunch time for Stephan.
He's managed to get this old
beast to the chateau,
but can he make it lift?
Stephan: What could happen now
is that the hydraulic cables
snap because of the weight.
Dick, voice-over:
Bingo!
Dick, voice-over:
So thanks to
this amazing find,
the rubble is soon
swiftly moved.
So you see what you can find
on the castle.
Oh...
Dick, voice-over: Inside
Nicole's keen to share
her wallpaper discovery
and sell Stephan on her plan
to bring it back to life
in the tea room.
Stephan: Oh, my goodness.
It's busy, eh? It's very busy.
Nicole: What we'll do
is copy that.
- Yeah?
- And have it...
made into the new wallpaper.
OK.
Nicole: We've just revealed
those orange cobblestones.
- Yeah, yeah, and--
- As you walk in--
- They match together.
- It'll be brilliant.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I see what you mean.
- Very special, eh?
- It's really nice,
don't you think?
Stephan: This is fantastic.
It's a great discovery.
Paul and Alison are desperate
to give up their contract work
and make a full-time living
from their chateau
by hosting more weddings.
Before they can open their
doors this summer,
Paul needs to fix the leaking
swimming pool
and subsiding terrace--pronto.
With his wife in Australia,
he's busy planning the
repairs in his workshop.
Paul: This is the workshop,
and it used to be
the water tank for the chateau.
And when the water mains
were laid,
we thought it would be
a great idea
to turn this
into a workshop.
Dick, voice-over: Perfect
for all the renovations
and work around the chateau,
like fixing the swimming pool.
In previous summers,
they turned the pool area
into a wedding venue
with the marquee
overlooking the valley.
But in his man cave, Paul has
another project
he'd rather get on with.
We found this
when we bought the chateau.
It was hidden away
in the basement.
And it's a Solex,
a very traditional
French bicycle
that they stuck a petrol engine
on the top of.
So this petrol engine's got a
little rubber wheel,
and it turns the front wheel,
and you start the engine
and you push it forward,
it connects to the front wheel.
You zoom along, and you can get
a good 20 kilometers an hour
out of it.
So it'd be great if I can
get that going.
Yeah, perfect for popping into
town and getting a baguette
in the morning.
Dick, voice-over: Not sure
Alison will be happy
to come home
and find you spent your time
fiddling with that bike.
At the opposite end
of the country,
back at Tim and Margreeth's B&B
in Northern France,
the summer season may already
be underway,
but they need to find ways
to bring in more cash.
The plan--a caravan park.
But they have
another idea, too--
starting a co-ownership scheme
on their holiday gites.
Tim: Basically, it's costing
them 25,000 Euros,
which is a one-off payment,
and that gives you--
for 25 years,
that gives you 5 weeks.
So someone will have 5 weeks
of the year,
which is a sort of
rotation.
Thing's a bit
like a timeshare.
And you can do whatever
you like with it.
You can rent it out,
whatever.
Dick, voice-over:
But there's a spanner
in the works.
They can't lease the gites
unless they fix a problem:
a bee colony
in one of the chimneys.
This is why you need someone
like Dick Strawbridge.
I mean, he'd understand
something like this.
Dick, voice-over: Sadly, those
bees have to go.
Otherwise, no one will
want to stay there.
They're in a chimney.
It's in a family gites,
so there'll be people
going in and out of there.
And so I have to deal with this.
It breaks my heart, but
unfortunately, there's no way
of getting rid of them
without actually having
to kill them.
So on with the beekeeping
outfit.
I don't actually have
a beekeeping outfit,
so I'm gonna improvise
and make one.
Dick, voice-over:
In this case, using a tree
surgeon's helmet,
bin bags, and plenty
of gaffer tape.
So what we're doing here is
we're sealing up this bit here
to stop bees getting in,
make it as big as possible,
so that gives me
a bit of protection.
Right.
How much does a beekeeping
outfit cost? You got any idea?
Probably about 10 Euros
or something.
Pretty cheap than a roll
of gaffer tape, you know.
Dick, voice-over: You can get
one online for around 20 quid.
OK. You've never
looked better.
- I know I have.
- Well, then...
Dick, voice-over: Ridiculous
outfit--check.
Equipment--check.
Man walking towards
certain death--let's hope not.
[Buzzing]
- OK, good luck.
- Thank you.
I don't feel very safe doing
this, I have to admit.
It's like...
Dick, voice-over:
"Bee" careful, Tim.
Sorry. Sorry about that.
He normally comes down whole,
so let's just...
trust that that
will happen again this time.
[Buzzing]
The little bees
are very, very busy.
The good thing about that
is I can see where they're
going in and out.
They should be fairly easy
to close.
Dick, voice-over:
Like his suit,
Tim's plan is a bit
slapdash.
First, he tries to get
the bees out with insect spray.
OK, here goes nothing.
[Loud buzzing]
There they go.
Look at that. They're swarming.
Dick, voice-over: Next, he tries
to block up all the gaps.
There are a lot more bees
than I thought there were.
[Buzzing]
Be careful, Tim.
Hold on.
Tim: Ah, there we go.
There's a big hole there.
So I'm just gonna
fill this hole up.
There's probably a great big
front door around the other side
that I can't get to.
Dick, voice-over:
Unbelievably, it seems his
ridiculous beekeeping suit
is working.
Tim: The good news is,
they seem to be going
for the foam rather than me.
Margreeth: I'll be glad
when it's over.
It's scary
seeing him up there.
I've done the job because I can
see that the bees
can't get in or out.
Tim: Ah, man, it's nice
to get out of that.
- Well, then.
- Thank you.
Tim: Just have to wait and see
what happens with the bees.
Margreeth: Yeah, just give it
a couple of days.
It's done.
A ... life, isn't it?
Well done.
Dick, voice-over: Getting rid
of these bees is vital.
Leasing out the gites
means a cash injection
of 25,000 Euros.
But for now,
Tim and Marguerite
have other things
on their mind...
Tim: Lots of people coming in.
It's a full chateau.
And these are the last-minute
preps before people turn up.
Dick, voice-over: preparing for
the arrival of 30 guests
tomorrow.
Tim: Panicking.
Dick, voice-over: Back down in
the Languedac
in the south of France,
Paul's finally got around
to trying to repair
the swimming pool.
It's the visual focus
for their weddings,
which are crucial to increase
their profits.
[Dog snarling]
Champ, no! Ha!
Dick, voice-over: With the help
of his friend Grant,
he's hoping to find out
why the pool is losing water
and make the decking
safe for guests.
Paul: So what we do, I think,
Grant, is take the wooden
flooring off, dig down,
have a look,
fix the repair, fill it up,
check it to working,
and then job done.
- OK.
If we get a push on,
we'll be done today.
- Optimistic.
- Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Paul's wife
Alison is away working...
Grant: And we sort of need to
know which end is which.
Paul: I'll write it all
on the right-hand end.
Dick, voice-over:
and wants it's sorted
before she gets back.
Paul: We've got a real problem.
We've really got to
find out what's happened
and why it's leaking.
Otherwise, we could have
a disaster like this
when we've got customers here
in the summer.
The outer edge of reinforced
concrete, that has also
managed to sink down.
How deep are they?
Half a meter.
We'll just have to carry on
taking these things off, right?
Dick, voice-over: It's taken the
best part of 10 years
to turn the terrace into a
fantasy wedding venue
and just over 6 hours
for Paul and Grant
to turn it into
a building site.
[Whirring]
There's nothing you can't solve
with a sledgehammer, eh?
Dick, voice-over: Paul's
convinced the leak is coming
from a pipe that connects
the pool to the pump,
but that's buried under
18 inches of clay.
Get the dog here,
shouldn't we?
He'd be good at
helping digging.
Don't see any obvious...
I'll put the pool pump on,
create more pressure in that
circuit,
and we could see if it's
dripping out then.
Dick, voice-over: It's possible
that by increasing the pressure
in the pump, water will be
forced out of the leak
revealing where it is.
Well, what do you think?
Is it leaking?
Not yet.
It's as dry as a bone.
Dick, voice-over: But running
the pump has revealed
why the pool level
has been falling.
There isn't a leak after all.
Paul: So the equipment in the
poolhouse
was draining a bit of water
out the pool
when we didn't notice.
Dick, voice-over: Now they can
get on with fixing
the dangerous subsiding decking,
and Paul has
a solution for that.
Paul: We have lots of wood that
we've used in other projects,
so we're using some oak
and Douglas pine wood
that's not gonna rot.
[Drilling]
- Still straight?
- That's pretty good.
As good as new.
Dick, voice-over: So that's
the edging done.
Just another 75 boards
to put back.
Back north
in the Pas-de-Calais
at Nicole and Stephan's
dream chateau,
they're turning their attention
to their crumbling tower,
the only surviving--
just about--feature
of the 18th-century
fortifications.
They aren't yet sure what
they're going to do with it,
but it urgently needs
to be made safe.
See, that's actually the entire
roof that's collapsed
on this front.
You see the rafters of the roof
lying there and all the bricks.
Dick, voice-over: All that
fallen debris plus
years of weeds
need to be cleared off
the internal beams
so Stephan can make
the tower more stable.
[Chain saw buzzing]
Dick, voice-over:
As they work down the tower,
more problems crop up.
Some of the wooden joists are
rotten and need to be removed.
I'd like to keep
this one intact
and as soon as possible replace
the holes with new ones.
Dick, voice-over:
After 4 hours' graft,
Stephan's still got
a lot to do
just to make this thing safe,
but designer Nicole
is way ahead of him.
Nicole: Yeah. Well, maybe
we just make this
like a little extra space.
Maybe we have a rectangular
table in here.
So when are we going to aim
to do this by?
We have to do this
by August as well, do we?
We can have like a really lovely
old chandelier
hanging down there.
Can we get electrics to here?
- I am speechless.
- Ha ha!
Nicole: Can you do it with
a glass roof
so we can--
- Abso[bleep]lutely, yes.
We will do that.
Definitely.
And tell them, "Just come back
in August till we finish."
So I'm actually
being serious.
It would look amazing.
I'm sure you're serious,
actually.
It would look amazing, but
I think there's no way
that it's ever going to happen.
Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: When it comes
to interior design,
I get the impression Nicole
doesn't joke.
Back inside, she's been working
on replicating
the 18th-century wallpaper
to use in the tea room.
Nicole: What we've
decided to do
is to see if we can create our
own version of this wallpaper.
So what would be nice is to
have some areas more faded
than others
so that it looks perhaps
like it's been there for
a very long time.
Dick, voice-over: With a bespoke
wallpaper design
complete with aged effect,
it's at least
one job less.
Nicole: You done it there.
That's better.
Dick, voice-over:
But they only have 3 months
to get the tea room ready
for the summer season.
and the floor is currently
an unseemly mix of unfinished
concrete
and replica tiles.
This needs replacing
and could take weeks.
To save time, Stephan's come up
with a shortcut--
installing a modern resin
flooring.
Stephan: This is the idea I
would like to achieve over here
in the castle.
We just put a nice coat of resin
over the existing concrete.
It's easy to install.
It's quickly done.
It just dries
and it's finished.
Dick, voice-over:
Typically, found
in airports and hospitals,
I have to say
it's a bold choice
for an 18th-century castle.
Stephan: I think it's
just gonna look brilliant
because it's gonna be so modern
in such an old place, so...
Nicole:
Come on in, David.
Dick, voice-over: This morning
they're meeting David,
a resin flooring specialist
from London.
David: You've got quite a task
on your hands, haven't you?
Nicole: We talked about
having a resin floor.
David: Ah, so it's been designed
to replace vinyl, if you like.
So it's like
a liquid vinyl.
It has flexibility to it.
Dick, voice-over: The aim is to
create a seamless floor
throughout the tea room.
They just need to decide
on the color.
That color works really nicely.
Looks like it's perfect.
I think it looks fab
with all of that together.
They do look good.
And that's quite a find,
isn't it, really?
Such a find.
Dick, voice-over: David leaves
with instructions for
Nicole and Stephan
to check if there is
solid concrete beneath
the old tiles,
as resin flooring must be laid
on a dry, solid base.
Nicole:
It's just earth.
Stephan:
It's very peculiar, yes.
Dick, voice-over: It's bad news.
With no concrete base, their
plan for the tea room floor
is in tatters.
Nicole: The thing is that
in order to put the
resin floor down,
it has to be free
of moisture below it,
otherwise it can bubble.
What we've discovered is
all this kind of clay-like
substance, sand,
that's got a very high
moisture content.
It's kind of a nightmare.
Dick, voice-over: It's a blow to
their hopes of opening the tea
room on time
and starting to bring in
some much-needed cash.
Down in the south of France,
things are looking
much brighter for Paul.
The swimming pool and decking
are all fixed.
He can now return to
the love of his life.
[Rattling]
That's pretty rattling.
Dick, voice-over: He found
it in the chateau when he
first moved in.
It's an S2200.
So be interesting to see
what year that's from.
Crikey, it's from 1961.
So it'll be great if I can
get that going.
Dick, voice-over: My guess is,
the warranty has expired,
but Paul's eager to try and get
it running again.
and tour the French
countryside at a heady
20 kilometers per hour.
Paul: Normally, it's either--
Oh! There's no spark
or there's no petrol.
Dick, voice-over: He's a novice
at swimming pool maintenance,
but he's got years of experience
with engines.
My next-door neighbor,
his dad run a garage.
I used to play around and tinker
with motorbikes and cars.
Let's try that.
Dick, voice-over:
Paul hasn't seen his wife Alison
for 3 weeks.
Maybe even get it
going now.
Dick, voice-over: She's been
working in Australia,
earning money to help cover
the chateau's running costs.
And today, she's come home.
Paul!
Paul!
Paul!
Where is he?
Dick, voice-over: It looks to me
like he's off to get some
baguettes.
Next time, there are shocks
in store at Paul and Alison's,
as they renovate
their dungeon.
- A finger bone.
- Oh, yeah, a finger bone, yeah.
Dick, voice-over: Tim and
Margreeth may have bitten off
more than they can chew
with a full chateau of guests.
We've got 14 people coming in to
have 28 fried eggs.
Panicking.
Dick, voice-over: And Angel
has a surprise for Nicole.
Ta-da!
There you go. You have been
knighted. Ha ha ha!
Brilliant!
This is so cool!