Escape to the Chateau DIY (2018–2021): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Baillie-Smiths and the Halpins 1 - full transcript
I'm Dick Strawbridge,
and along with my wife Angel and our two children,
we left the UK for a whole new life in France
and bought this magnificent Chateau.
Angel: Ohh! Aah!
Dick, voice-over: We've gradually been making it
into our home, as well as running it as a business...
That's a long way up.
Dick, voice-over: but it turns out we're not alone
as dozens of Brits are doing exactly the same thing.
Boy: Ha ha!
Sometimes, you have to pinch yourself to think, "I own that."
Dick, voice-over: In this series, Angel and I
will reveal more about our journey
as chateau owners...
Find a lot of scrap here. It's worth money.
Might be able to pay you this time.
Dick, voice-over: and guide these daring brits
where we can...
It's a solid, old bridge, matey.
Dick, voice-over: as they renovate...
This is looking good. I'm quite happy with this.
Dick, voice-over: repair...
I've never done this before,
so it should be all right.
Dick, voice-over: and struggle to transform these buildings
into their homes and businesses.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Absolutely magnificent.
This is the glamorous chateau life
that everyone thinks I lead.
Just trying to avoid getting my face
nearer the toilet seat.
This is not the way to make money.
Dick, voice-over: But however hard the going gets,
these plucky brits can always say
they're kings and queens of their very own castles.
Cheers! Chin-chin.
Dick, voice-over: Today... Woman: Hi, guys!
Dick, voice-over: Two rookie chateau managers struggle
with their sales pitch...
It's a lot worse than it looks.
I'm gonna turn that into a bar. OK.
Dick, voice-over: and each other.
Woman: I don't think it's gonna bother anyone.
It'll bother me.
Dick, voice-over: A couple makes some unexpected discoveries
at their chateau in the Loire Valley.
Man: Wow! Oh, my goodness.
Dick, voice-over: Some surprising...
Motherlode!
Dick, voice-over: others rather worrying.
Man: Alex has found some dangerous chemicals in there.
Dick, voice-over: And as one couple start the search
for their fairytale chateau...
Woman: Oh, stunning.
"Beauty and the Beast."
Man: This room, it just makes me want to twirl.
- Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha.
Dick, voice-over: Angel and I give them
some invaluable advice.
Are you serious? You're buying a chateau?
Can't walk up it, but the chickens
will roost on it.
Dick, voice-over: I'm Dick Strawbridge,
engineer and former lieutenant colonel
in the British Army.
With my Angela, we've been renovating our chateau
into a home and business.
This is my calling in life.
Dick, voice-over: It's not been easy...
I think I'm a bit too old for this.
Dick, voice-over: but what people don't realize
is the hard work starts before you even get the keys.
What do you think, Abernathy?
Gonna go find a chateau?
Dick: Meet chateau shoppers Johnny
and his American-born partner Ashley.
He's an artist, she's a television producer,
and they want to buy their very own castle.
Johnny: The dream for both of us it to find
a chateau, something that's got obviously history.
A lot of them are in a ruined state.
We're talking no roofs, walls are falling down,
and the beautiful thing in France
there are so many properties like that out there.
Ashley: Yeah. We're just so excited about it,
and then to just bring it back to life.
I think that's the most exciting part.
Dick: After meeting a year ago, they set up home
near Montpellier in the South of France
in a small townhouse in the medieval town of Pézenas.
Ashley: Just to live amongst history
is such a dream.
In America, you don't get buildings that old ever.
It's just so exciting.
Dick: Artist Johnny has his own gallery
and workshop here.
Johnny: It's actually a famous town for artisans.
That's one of the reasons that we picked to live here.
Dick: He's got hundreds of pieces of artwork
taking up space in his gallery and their small home,
plus they share an addiction.
Ashley: Our passion is antiquing.
Johnny: We're kind of like magpies,
so this, for instance, is just probably 1%
of a glimmer of our personality, right?
Things that we've collected all the way round France.
Dick: So they're taking the plunge and buying
something big, very big.
So we've done the math, and I think we come out
with E=mc chateau.
Ha ha ha! Right?
Dick: They're also hoping their chateau
will provide them with a whole new business.
Ashley: We want to be able to have a gallery
and a big workshop but also in the future
a cafe, so the more space, the better.
Johnny: Yeah.
Dick: But before they start the search
for their dream home, they've asked
me and Angel for some advice.
but Johnny's driven from the South of France
to meet us at our place.
Johnny: Oh, my God.
What a first impression, eh?
Oh, this is awesome.
Actually, I really wish that we had found this one
before Dick and Angel.
Ha ha ha!
They have got a beauty here. They really have.
Dick: Hiya, Johnny. How you doing, fella?
- Hi, Dick. - How was the journey?
- Oh, it was long. - Ha ha ha!
- Lovely to meet you. - Good to see you, mate.
Johnny: I'm lost for words. Honestly, I really am.
Dick: We actually searched long and hard.
- Yeah? - You know, did--
it's not a matter of just sort of turning up,
finding your chateau, and moving in.
- Yeah. - Do you know how big
you're looking for?
Um, well, the bigger the better.
I mean, who doesn't want a big French chateau, OK?
- This is small. - Ha ha.
This is classed as small chateau.
Let's go see Angela. Let's go meet Angela.
Johnny: Yeah. Should we do that?
Thank you.
Dick: Hey, gorgeous! Johnny: Oh, wow.
Angel: Johnny, how are you? Johnny: Morning, darling.
- Nice to meet you. - Mm-wha. Mm-wha.
Dick, voice-over: If we're gonna give Johnny
a few pointers on buying a chateau,
we need to know a bit more about what he and Ashley
are after.
Angel: Cheers. Johnny: Thank you
so much for having me, guys.
Dick: No problem, mate.
So are you serious? You're buying a chateau?
You're that stupid? Have you thought about this?
For us, a chateau, it's the beauty
of the old stone, the architecture.
It's the history that goes into it,
you know worn floors that servants
have walked over for generations and generations,
serving their masters, all the family above,
and just being part of that and feeling it, you know?
He is that stupid.
[Laughter]
Angel: How long you been together now?
Um, just over a year actually.
I think that the commitment is absolutely huge.
- Hmm. - If you've got the same values,
you'll get through it,
and we work out-- sort stuff, don't we,
building what we've got for the children
and what have you,
and when you've got that dream,
you put the hard work in.
Johnny: Yeah. We want to do--start off small
with, like, a little bed and breakfast,
build up to a bit more--
- Boutiquey? - Hotel, boutique-style hotel,
but the big draw card really is looking
for a chateau that's got out buildings
so that I can have my big workshop,
so I can have my art gallery.
I think the best thing we can do is
have a look at some things and just sort of
give you a bit of guidance as to what to look out for,
what to be scared of...
- Sure. - Because, um, you know...
Dick, voice-over: I'll try not to scare him,
but I don't think Johnny has a clue
how much he's bitten off when it comes
to choosing a chateau.
Just 25 miles north of ours is another chateau,
the 17th century Chateau du Bailleul.
It has 30 rooms and sits in 6 acres of land.
It lies in the Pays de la Loire region of France
and is rented by estate agents
Philip and Angelina Baillie-Smith.
Philip: Home, sweet, home.
Dick: Bored of the London rat race,
they moved to France, where they got married.
Now they're renting the chateau to see
if they want to make the move and buy their own castle.
Philip: I thought, "Let's rent first."
We'd get to genuinely experience the life
that we were planning on buying into.
Angelina: Try before you buy.
- Yeah. Something like that. - There you go.
Philip: It costs us about 40,000 Euros a year
to be here by the time you put in your heating costs,
all the rest of it.
Dick: They can only afford to live here
by continuing their estate agent business in London,
but to help make ends meet and deciding
they want to buy their own chateau,
they are now going to hire out the chateau for events.
We've been in the UK for 3 weeks.
Best turn the water back on.
Oh. Watch yourself.
Dick: Today, they're meeting a local English couple,
who have agreed to have their anniversary party here.
Philip: This is where the stop cock is.
Ugh.
It's under a lot of foam to keep it from freezing.
I'm glad you're doing it, not me.
Philip: Water's on.
Dick: This will be Phil and Angelina's first booking.
Philip, voice-over: We can afford to stay in a place
like this, but it's absolutely pointless
unless you're gonna run a business out of it.
This event coming up this summer is our dry run.
We really need to make sure it goes off without a hitch.
Dick: The couple coming today want to discuss
the finer details of their big party.
Angelina: It's always quite stressful
when I've got these guests coming up,
and I've probably got under an hour
to tidy up lots of rooms, get ready,
get the dog out of the way, as well.
Lightning, come. That's it. Good boy.
Dick: But having clean rooms and a clean dog
are the least of their worries.
The guest toilets have a serious damp problem.
Angelina: Oh, wow. That's--that's quite minging.
Whatever damp-proof membrane was on this wall
was holding the water.
Angelina: You might not want to touch that.
Dick: And the outdoors entertainment needs
a bit of work.
- I'll turn that into a bar. - Bar, yeah. I agree.
Philip: But this is my plan.
Put a tilt in this so there's a run,
and we put a roof on it.
How about a Perspex roof?
Perspex looks like it's cheap and quick.
- If you've got white canvas... - Yeah.
it's got the weddingy sort of shabby chic...
- It's vintage, yeah. - feel to it.
- Yeah. - Here.
I don't think it's gonna bother anyone.
It'd bother me.
Dick: With their party clients due to arrive at any moment,
Phil and Angelina have to focus less on the shabby
and more on the chic.
Philip: To make their day as special
as we found our wedding here, maybe with a little bit of luck,
they can see through the mess and we're all good.
[Horn honks]
Angelina: They're here.
Hi, guys!
Dick: Retired pilot Chris and his wife Roseanne
have lived in this part of France for 12 years
and have agreed to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary
in Phil and Angelina's chateau.
They're joined by their son Christian,
who will be the DJ on the big day.
So nice to see you.
Roseanne: Chris has been away most
of our married life, flying,
and we haven't been able to celebrate many anniversaries,
so this is gonna be really special for us.
50 years. It's a lifetime, isn't it, I suppose.
Doesn't sound very good, does it?
Chris: Ha ha ha!
Shall we go in?
Dick: A lot depends on how the next few hours go.
It's not just the booking that could be in question
but the couple's plans for a future
in their very own chateau.
Philip: We don't get it right for these guys
and this day, we'll probably think
about maybe this isn't for us.
Just really hope that's not the case.
This is the magnificent Chateau de Jalesnes.
It's the home of British couple Michael and Jonathan.
Located in the Loire Valley, they bought this place in 2014
for just over £750,000.
Jonathan: It was the same price as our flat in London.
That's how ridiculous it was.
We thought it was too good an opportunity to miss.
Dick: Back then, the place looked very different.
Jonathan: The first sight of it in the flesh
rather than the estate agent's details, was...wow.
I think it was even more wow because it was so neglected.
There was--had trees growing out of the mote.
Where we're sitting at the moment,
like, it was up here somewhere.
I mean, you could get lost in it.
- There's goats. - Ha ha!
Jonathan: There was thorns and thistles and ivy
and trees and ponies and donkeys and goats.
The challenge was superhuman, and that's what
appealed to the two of us.
Dick: With the help of investors,
they've converted into 15 holiday apartments
and a location for weddings,
but they're struggling to make a profit,
so this year is make or break.
Michael: Jon and I don't earn anything out of this
until it starts making money.
We're now two years down the line,
and it's still not making a profit,
so we've got a year on a very, very frugal budget
to go, and then we've got to make
the decision can we still sustain
the two of us being here?
Dick: They're doing everything they can
to keep costs down.
One way of doing that is to use volunteers.
Michael, voice-over: Have a system of volunteers
that come from all over the world
to give us a hand,
so these guys come along, give us their skills
that we haven't got the aptitude to do,
and then we can feed and lodge them.
Barter works wonders.
Dick: Today, the volunteers are going to help
Michael and Jonathan search some unexplored caves
in the chateau's dry moat.
They're hoping they might uncover some surprises
that could make or save them some much-needed cash.
Michael: All the stone around the moat, et cetera,
was dug out to build this chateau,
so this stone for this building
has come from these moats and these caves.
Jonathan: And we still haven't been in all the caves.
There are still some that are unexplored.
We just haven't had the time because we've been
so busy with this.
Dick: Who knows what secrets lie hidden
in some of these caves?
Man: This entrance could have been blocked up
for several decades, perhaps even centuries,
and eventually, we hope to see
what mysteries lie behind it.
There's a lot of local rumors about a tunnel system
and treasure.
Dick: The caves they're exploring today
lie just off the entrance tunnel to Chateau de Jalesnes'
dry moat.
Jonathan: If there's anything dangerous,
just shout out.
Don't try to deal with it.
If you find any treasure, it's mine.
Michael: Mine.
Jonathan: Otherwise, let's have some fun.
Does that open up?
Come on then. That's a good start.
OK. Come on in.
So building materials need to go into the cave next door.
Anything that you think can be recycled
we'll put in one pile.
Superb. Let's get stuck in.
That's rubbish, Michael.
Hey. What is...
Wow! Oh, my goodness.
Michael!
Dick: They've only been working 5 minutes
when the cave throws up a surprise.
Jonathan: Michael. Where's that from then?
Michael: When you see things like this,
it's often to do with the Revolution.
The heads have been chopped off,
and the hands have been chopped off.
Dick: In 1794 when the peasants came through this part
of the country, they vandalized
any images of nobility.
These statues were made before then.
Jonathan believes way before then.
Jonathan: We know there was a medieval manor house
on the same site of the chateau today,
and we know that the chateau's been built piece by piece.
The earliest bit that we've got at the moment
dates from 1513, but this is pre that even,
which we just need to keep now.
We need to show it, display it, get it up
so that everybody who comes to the chateau can see it.
I mean, it's fantastic to find something like that.
Really good.
Dick: But just as things are looking up...
Jonathan: Alex has found some dangerous chemicals in there.
Michael: How do you know they're dangerous?
Jonathan: Because it's got "dangerous" written
on the bloody barrel.
Dick: Back to our place in northwest France.
Aspiring chateau buyer Johnny has come for some advice.
It might be a dream to own a fairytale castle
with turrets and towers,
but buy the wrong place, and it can turn
into a nightmare,
so we've got some simple tips.
Angel: There are a lot of stairs.
Dick: Hold up. We've come up 3 flights.
Have a look at this next bit.
Johnny: Oh, wow.
Dick: And there's another floor above this.
Angel: You're young, and it doesn't matter,
but if you are thinking of having this
as a business, you do have to keep
that sort of thing in mind.
Dick: Keep walking upstairs.
You've had too much of a breather.
I like to see people doing it in a oner.
Dick, voice-over: Tip number one,
don't worry about the ceiling.
It's the roof that matters.
Dick: You see the little stainless steel clips
on the tiles?
- That's new roof. - Right. Yeah.
Dick: That is a new roof, so when you're looking around,
that has had a problem.
It is now fixed, and that says
it's been maintained.
Johnny: OK.
Dick, voice-over: Tip two, think about the heating.
So this is a thermal store, where we store
all of our hot water,
and if you can actually have an efficient system
of heating, it's in your best interest.
Anything that helps you get cheaper energy.
You know, take somebody's arm off about here
because the bills are big.
Johnny: Yeah.
Dick, voice-over: Tip 3,
never underestimate the plumbing.
This little bad boy here, the old poop tube.
Johnny: Poop tube.
Dick: If you are in the bathroom
in the botanical suite on that side,
yeah, your poo has to go over to our septic tank
- over on this side... - OK.
and, Angela, you didn't want any external pipes.
Angel: I didn't. Johnny: No.
Angel: Sorry. Dick: So consequently,
we had to find a route through the house
for the pipes, and it has to drop
25 mils per meter or an inch per yard basically,
so you got a progression of a slope down
so the poop keeps moving.
You have to think about really boring things
like gravity.
For us, the plumbing and electric
with all the piping, with the thermal store,
with the radiators,
that'd be no change and 25 K.
Angel: Hmm. Dick: Yeah.
I mean, thus far all we have done
is talked about where we-- you know, cosmetic stuff
because that's what you do.
You get excited, you think about how
it's gonna be projected,
you think of palettes and what linen you want,
but I must say, hearing this, you know,
it's quite scary because you do have to think, don't you?
Dick, voice-over: I think the penny's finally
beginning to drop.
Next, keep an eye out for creepy crawlies.
Dick: See this? This is woodworm,
and there's rot, and there's various things in there,
but, you know, things like this has all been treated now.
None of this bothers me.
Further south where you are, there's a line,
and down below that line, there's the things
that sort of eat lots, yeah?
- Termites? - You better believe it.
Your area, termites are phenomenal.
Dick, voice-over: Woodworm is relatively easy to treat,
but if Johnny does choose a place down south,
he'll need to check for termites
because they can be costly.
Dick: So let's go down another floor.
Dick, voice-over: I just hope we haven't turned him
off the idea of chateau life completely.
Dick: There's lots of things that sound like
there's problems, but in the end of the day,
you get to live somewhere that is
actually quite special.
Dick, voice-over: And I've got something to show, Johnny,
that will fire up his imagination.
25 miles north, Philip and Angelina
are showing Chris and Roseanne around their chateau.
Nice to see you.
Dick: They've already agreed to have
their 50th wedding anniversary here.
Today, they're finalizing the details,
but with more than 30 other chateaus
already up and running as event locations
within 100 miles of here,
Philip and Angelina don't want to cause them
to reconsider.
Angelina: Here's an idea, right?
It's not often you get to a 50-year anniversary.
Are you interested to renew your vows?
You know, there's a chapel, you know, at the back.
Philip: Yeah. After 50 years of marriage,
you're allowed to say no.
[Laughter]
No. That would be good. Something I hadn't
thought about.
- Had you? - Would I marry you again?
Yeah, of course I would.
Thought he had his fingers crossed.
[Laughter]
Philip: How about as the starting point,
you know, should we just have a look,
and we'll go from there?
- Yes. - Yeah?
Dick: First up is the entrance hall,
which was used as a dining room
for Philip and Angelina's wedding.
Philip: This room will be lovely.
Dick: But for this anniversary party,
Philip thinks it would be bettered used
as a thoroughfare into the garden.
Philip: If we move one of these tables back
against the radiator there, they've got the champagne.
They grab it themselves, and we're into the back garden
before the party starts.
Assume you a toast.
But do we actually want a toast?
Roseanne: I think so Philip: Yeah.
You know, you're marking a day that's special.
You'll be doing it in a great setting.
Chris: The toilets are behind there?
Philip: Yeah. Chris: How many we got?
Philip: We've got two. However--heh--
here we go.
- After you. - It's loo time.
Philip: Yeah. Toilets.
Angelina: Don't be shy. Ha.
Roseanne: These are the two toilets?
Philip: Yeah. They'll be unisex.
They're downstairs. They're easy to get to.
It needs a little bit of work until it's used.
It'll be fine.
Um, it's a lot worse than it looks,
so I don't want to scare you.
Roseanne: Pretty disgusting actually. Ha ha ha!
Is that, um, a family loo? You've got two in there.
Philip: You can both go at the same time.
Chris: Yeah. Roseanne: I'm sorry, Phil.
I couldn't invite anybody into those loos.
Philip: As I couldn't even use them myself.
I'm gonna get rid of whatever's causing the issue,
redo the wall up there.
It'll probably just be plain white.
Roseanne: So you can assure me they're both going to be
flushing loos and it's going to look a lot prettier?
- Yeah. - I look forward to seeing
them afterwards.
It'll be interesting.
It's what we do outside that counts.
Dick: Ooh. I'd get them out onto the terrace
pretty quick, Phil.
Philip: There'll be some seating here.
We'll spread it around,
and I'm gonna turn that into a bar.
Chris: OK.
Philip: Yeah. You've got to have a bit of imagination.
Picture this stuff is not gonna be here.
Angelina: Yeah. Philip: OK.
Angelina: We'll have wine fridge, ice machine.
Philip: You're gonna do the DJing at the party.
Would you put your stuff in here
and we have actually the majority
of the party here?
Christian: The lighting and the speakers,
it needs to be under cover really,
so ideally, it would need to be in the marquee.
OK. OK.
Chris: If it's in the marquee, that'd be brilliant.
Philip: OK. Roseanne: Can I assume
all that's going to be cleared up out there?
Philip: You mean you don't like fallen trees
as part of the backdrop?
No. A little bit of faith is all I ask
with a little luck and a lot of work.
- Just out of curiosity... - Yeah?
have we discussed food?
- Uh... - When we did Anne's 60th,
we did a barbecue in the garden.
Philip: Yeah. There's all sorts of different options.
- Barbecue. - Yeah.
It depends on what you think.
Chris: Barbecue.
Like, it's barbecue and a buffet style,
if it's hot...
Just let us know, and then we can have
a look at what we can do.
Right. Shall we go and have a look in the back garden
and see how we'll lay it out?
Dick: In the Loire Valley sits the magnificent
Chateau de Jalesnes.
Owned by couple Michael and Jonathan,
they and a band of volunteers have been clearing out
one of the unexplored caves that come
off the chateau's dry moat.
They found some medieval statues...
Jonathan: It's fantastic to find something like that.
Dick: but a minute later, one of the volunteers
finds something a bit more sinister.
Jonathan: Alex has found some dangerous chemicals in there.
Michael: How do you know they're dangerous?
Jonathan: Because it's got "dangerous" written
on the barrel.
Dick: Michael finds a clue to what the barrels may contain.
Michael: Someone's written on the wall
"62 doses, pour 30 liters of petrol."
So they're mixing petrol with something,
so that could explain why we've got
all these toxic fluids back here.
What would you mix with petrol?
No idea. Ha ha ha!
Dick: Some of the barrels contain vegetable oil
leftover from the chateau's hospital days.
Could it be that they were mixing it with petrol
to try and increase their stock of fuel?
Back then, engines could tolerate less pure forms
of fuel than today.
I certainly wouldn't use that instead of unleaded.
Jonathan: These chemicals that you have found
in these barrels, we can't really handle them
because if it's got "dangerous and toxic" on it
you have to get a special contractor to come in,
fill in lots of paperwork, and they have to dispose of it.
If we leave that, is there anything else
in there, Alex, or just those?
Alex: And some wine and bottles.
Jonathan: Hey! Motherlode. We found some wine!
Hee hee hee!
Alex: All right. Stop work.
Jonathan: We've got, what, about 4, 5 cases of wine.
What are they, what are they, Alex?
- 1995. Look. - Yep. '96.
Cote de Beaune. Cote de Beaune.
They're covered in dust. Look at the label on that,
how moldy it is.
So this is a different one then.
This is a different shape.
This is a Bordeaux-shaped bottle.
Chateau la Perriere.
This is 19...
[Blows]
1992. My God.
Heavens to Betsy. Have you seen this, Michael?
No. I heard you, though.
Jonathan: Yeah. There's a great stock of wine here.
Look at this stuff. 25-year-old Bordeaux. Ha ha!
[Indistinct] '92.
Jonathan: That's 25 years ago.
25-year-old bottle of wine. Have a look.
Michael: Well, that's tonight sorted.
[Laughter]
Dick: What a result.
The statues will benefit the chateau
and make a beautiful frieze in its entrance hall,
and the wine, if it's still in good nick,
can be the reward for finding the statues.
I wouldn't mind trying some of that.
As Michael sets about finding a place to store his booty,
Jonathan heads to the other side of the dry moat,
where one of the volunteers thinks he's discovered
something in another unexplored cave.
Jonathan: So what do you think? Have you had a look at it?
Man: Quite sure there's water there.
Dick: At mine and Angel's place in northwest France,
aspiring chateau owner Johnny has been getting
a crash course in what to look for
when you buy a chateau.
Before he leaves, there's one last thing to show him.
Angel: I think you should take Johnny outside
and show him some of the out buildings.
Talk about studios. Let's see what you get for free.
I'm thinking about it.
Dick, voice-over: I know the top of Johnny's wish list
are some outhouses for his gallery and workshop.
Johnny: So another story up here, right?
Dick: Yes. There's 3 stories.
Johnny: Ha. Oh. This is huge. Oh, wow!
Dick: Caveat I would say is most of them
have not been used for a long time,
so have a good think and have a look around.
This--all this wood is original.
I'm probably more excited about the out buildings
than I do the chateau. Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Tour over, there's one final bit of advice.
Always think long term.
Dick: We're talking commitment when you buy
a chateau, yeah?
A puppy's not just for Christmas.
A chateau's not just for that honeymoon period.
It's the long slog. We looked for 4, 4 1/2 years...
- OK. - before we found this place.
Come on. Let's go get some air.
It's quite hot in here, isn't it?
- They get stuffy, right? - Yeah.
Dick, voice-over: Johnny and Ashley are
at the beginning of an amazing
chateau buying adventure.
How are you?
Johnny: They are awesome.
Dick, voice-over: I have to admit I don't envy them.
Dick: Don't be scared.
We haven't ever regretted what we've done.
It is so worth it.
We're happy, darling, aren't we?
- Yeah. Johnny, good luck. - Aw. Thank you so much
for all your advice and everything.
I really appreciate it.
Dick: And don't forget you've got
the roof, the windows, the plumbing.
Johnny: That's right. Dick: Have a nice shop, fella.
Johnny: I'll keep you posted. Angel: Yeah. Make sure you do.
Johnny: Thanks, guys.
Dick, voice-over: I hope we've taught him
a thing or two today, and I can't wait to see
what he and Ashley settle on.
At Chateau du Bailleul in Gorron
in northern France, Phil and Angelina
are finalizing their arrangement for Chris and Roseanne's
50th wedding anniversary celebrations.
Philip: We'll just cut around here, OK?
Roseanne: OK. Angelina: This is a really
long walk just to go for a dance.
Dick: Phil has agreed to erect a marquee for the party.
He wants to place it at the back of the grounds
next to the moat to give the best view
of the chateau from the marquee entrance.
Chris: So the marquee will go where, Phil?
Philip: I'm thinking the marquee goes
lengthways here.
Dick: But Chris and Roseanne want it closer to the chateau.
- Why not here? - I was hoping it was
gonna be back there.
Philip: OK. Chris: That's a wonderful,
little spot over there.
They're gonna sit over there,
and they're gonna drink over there.
Dick: Phil is worried there won't be enough room
for the guests if it's too close.
It's the summer. Most people are gonna be
in front of the marquee, and if it's a great day--
You're allowing enough room for them to be outside.
- Yeah. - Well...
I was just thinking it was convenient.
Philip: It's your day. Why don't we have it
somewhere in the middle?
This is kind of the fake line for the back of it.
That's your space.
- Or-- - Yeah?
Angelina: Or would you rather it be
this the back of it so it's closer there?
Philip: No, because you got too little space at the front.
Angelina: This is the shortest distance that we agree.
Roseanne: Yes. I agree with you. That's a good idea.
Angelina: Yes. Thank you! Good girl.
I was right.
Dick: The tour's over, but Phil is worried.
Philip, voice-over: I think we've done enough today,
but anyone can walk away and change
their mind afterwards.
If I'm honest, given the condition of the house,
I wouldn't blame them.
I just hope they can see through the mess,
we can deal with the problems, and we're all good.
Dick: So he's cooked up a treat to win them over.
Philip: The French don't really do a Sunday roast.
You can't go out and have one.
No one else in Europe understands a Sunday roast
apart from the English, so why not play on that,
and hopefully, that will seal the deal.
Let's not say anything too positive
in case I jinx it.
I'm so hungry.
Where would you like me to sit?
- Oh, anywhere you like. - Anywhere?
Dick: As with all Sunday roasts,
timing is everything.
Unfortunately, Phil is cooking in two kitchens
at either end of the chateau.
Yeah. OK. Ha!
Was that Phil? Where's Phil?
Angelina: He's coming. I can hear him.
With dinner?
Uh...
[Sighs]
Say to get 10,000 steps a day.
It's not a problem in a house like this.
So I'm running between a kitchen
on one side of an 8,000-square-foot house
to the other to try to cook the meat,
the potatoes, the rest of it
because the oven here, the glass has fallen out
as I tried to use it this morning,
but do you know what?
It's great experience for how things go wrong
on an event and on a day, isn't it,
so it doesn't really matter.
Dick: Trying to impress his guests could backfire on Phil.
If he can't deliver a dinner for 5 on time,
how's he going to cope with catering for more than 50?
Chris: I know the food's gonna be absolutely delightful,
but it's been a long time coming.
Dick: But Phil knows how to keep his clients on board.
- You need help? - Just keep them entertained,
keep the flow of conversation.
Ply them with alcohol, keep them happy.
10-minute delay. We'll survive.
We're all good.
Thankfully, the wine's flowing,
so everyone will be all right, so...
Hot stuff coming through.
Dick: Just 25 minutes late, dinner is finally served.
OK.
Everyone's had plenty of drinks,
so they are well--
Philip: They're ignoring the fact it's late?
- OK. Good. - Yes.
- Good. - Great. Thank you.
Philip: Enjoy your food. Sorry it's late.
Here's to life.
All: Drink to life. Chris: Lovely.
Roseanne: The pork is so sweet.
It's lovely.
Angelina: English roast in a French chateau.
Very, very good.
Dick: The meal's a hit, but did the rather amateur
chateau tour change their neighbors' minds?
Roseanne: The only mistake he made was having
the marquee right at the back of the garden,
and it was a long way away from everything,
so persuading him now to do it closer to the chateau,
it's going to be good.
Chris: If Phil comes up with what he says
he's going to do,
with the backdrop that you've got here,
it's gonna be magnificent.
Dick: Jonathan, Michael, and their volunteers
are exploring just a few of the 30 caves at their chateau,
and after a few surprises...
Jonathan: 25-year-old Bordeaux. Ha ha! Motherlode!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Dick: one of the volunteers Cohen thinks
he's found another one.
Cohen: Quite sure there's water there.
- You are? - Yeah.
Jonathan: Really?
Dick: Jonathan's right to be excited.
A free water source for a chateau this size
could be worth thousands of pounds.
See, we thought this was a coal chute.
We thought that they delivered the coal here,
it dropped down the bottom, and you just pulled it out.
So can you tell if I drop a stone how deep it is?
Cohen: Well, I can make a guess, but...
Jonathan: Is that all right? Do you want to plop
away then, Cohen?
Yeah.
OK.
Jonathan: It's the moment of truth. Ahem.
[Loud splash]
Whoa! A lot of stuff falls in, huh?
That's fantastic. So what?
We want a bucket a rope, find out how deep it is
and what the water looks like that comes up.
- Yeah. - OK?
This is the answer to our prayers.
You cannot believe how important this is
because the formal gardens are just at the top.
We just have to go to the top here,
and we can feed just one pipe straight out there,
and we can water the whole blooming lot.
- That's great. - Fantastic.
I can't tell you how made up I am.
Dick: Jonathan and Michael currently spend
over £6,000 a year simply watering the garden.
Jonathan: The garden has been laid out
in the old French style
and takes a lot of water to keep the grass all green.
The business relies on it because brides need
bright green grass,
and their guests want flowers,
and the vegetable patch, the fruit trees,
and need I go on?
This is such an important find.
I cannot tell you how excited--
ohh--how excited I am about it.
It's just a life saver really bills-wise.
OK. I'll feed it through.
Show us your Girl Guides-- oh, you've done it.
Oh, yes. We've created our makeshift bucket,
and we'll see if we can find some water
down in this well here.
- OK. Off you go. - All right. Go ahead.
- OK. - I'm not the well expert.
Jonathan: Do you need to put a stone in the bottom of it
so that it actually goes under the water, I think?
We got one?
Cohen: It's going pretty deep.
- Is that it? - Yeah.
OK. I think I have some water.
Jonathan: Superb.
Cohen: Yeah. There's water.
Jonathan: What color is it?
Well, that's not bad actually. That's clear.
Considering that water's been down there
for I don't know how long, that's fantastic.
We got water!
Dick: This could be a big money saver,
make no mistake.
The chateau has its own water.
You'd better tell Michael the good news.
- Yes? - Don't say it like that.
This could--I could now make your day, make your minute.
- Whole week. - Yes, exactly.
Now you know this coal chute behind me here?
Yeah. Is there any coal in there?
Well, it isn't a coal chute.
Well, what is it then, Batman?
Jonathan: It's a well! Michael: Is there water in it?
Jonathan: It's a well, and it's full of water,
and it's right next to the back garden.
Do you reckon we can get it up from there to the garden?
Jonathan: Yeah. You get a pump.
So how much did we spend on water last year
just for the garden?
7,500 Euros or something like that.
Jonathan: 7,500. So how pleased are you?
Yeah. That's pretty good news.
I think I can sort of say then you can take me out to dinner.
Jonathan: All right. Ha ha ha! Michael: Great news,
and if we can get that pump up here,
yeah, the maths would say we'd save about 7,000.
Brilliant. Fantastic.
Dick: It's been a good day for Michael and Jonathan,
but even if this well can provide
enough water to cut down their bills,
the only way to ensure the business doesn't sink
is to secure a big wedding booking this summer.
Jonathan: Just to break even this year,
we would need 13 weddings.
We're currently at 5.
Dick: Brit Johnny has been to see me and Angel
for some chateau shopping tips.
570 miles away down in the South of France,
he and his American partner Ashley are starting
the search for their perfect castle
at Chateau de Jottes.
Ashley: It is a massive one built in the 16th century.
It looks like it needs a lot of work,
but it's exciting.
Dick: It's on the market for a fairly steep
520,000 Euros,
but this is the South of France,
where the warm climate and glam location
means prices are high,
even places like this that need a fair bit of work.
Johnny: Oh, wow. Ashley: It looks nice.
- Oh, my God! - It's huge.
- Oh, amazing. - Ha.
Dick: The 20-room chateau comes
with a separate 3-bedroom house,
5 holiday rentals,
and plenty of out buildings for Johnny's workshops.
It's 170 grand over their 350 grand budget,
but they're hoping they can get the price down.
- Bonjour. - Stefanie.
Thank you. It's Johnny. It's Stefanie? Oui?
Nice to meet you.
- Bonjour. Je suis Ashley. - Stefanie.
[Door squeaks]
Johnny: Here we go, babe. Heh heh.
Wow, babe.
Look at how big this is.
Look at that.
Ashley: Oh, fire. Johnny: Ah.
Stephanie: Fire. Johnny: Wow. What a shame.
Dick: I know they're up for a project,
but I worry this might be a little too much,
especially with the state of that roof.
Johnny: Babe, look up here.
- That's water, isn't it? - Yeah.
So water, fire, et...
Stephanie: Yes. Johnny: Ha ha ha! OK.
Ashley: Oh, stunning. Big windows.
It's, um...
"Beauty and the Beast."
Stephanie: Yes.
Johnny: This room, it just makes me want to twirl.
- Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha!
Johnny: How long, um, has the property been
vacant, empty?
- 10. - 10? Oui.
Torch time. We need a miner's hat.
Johnny: Oh, a restaurant. Oui.
And then there was a fire.
Here we have some his and hers.
This is quite nice here.
Tap doesn't work.
Toilet bowl.
Oh, look. There's a view, though.
Johnny: Broken dolls and empty bales.
Ashley: Little baby shoes.
Johnny: Look. Mama! Come on. Booboo, what do you think?
Ooh. That's very creepy, right?
Ashley: That's very creepy. Ha ha ha!
The room goes on and on and on.
Oh, my goodness.
I mean, my gosh. Everything would have to come out?
That was one hell of a fire, eh?
- Yeah. - Roaring right through. Whew.
Dick: Fire damage, water damage.
This chateau is riddled with structural issues.
I thought our place needed a lot of work.
Ashley: Oh, look at this. This could be
a nice, big workshop.
Johnny: Oh, wow! It's deep, right?
Ashley: Yeah.
If it was 300,000, even 350,000,
I would say, "Let's do it."
Johnny: Yeah.
- But 520,000... - Yeah.
with all of the work, I just--I don't know.
Johnny: Mm-hmm. You're thinking no, right?
- I'm thinking no. - Kind of the vibes I'm getting.
I love it, but, honey, it's just too much work.
- Sure. - We can't do that work
by ourselves.
I mean, it's missing floors.
Johnny: Ha ha! Yeah. OK. Yeah.
No. I think you're right. Maybe not on this one.
I think we'll let this one go.
Dick: I think it's the right decision.
There's way too much to fix here
and potentially hundreds of thousands to spend.
Ashley: We'll find our dream chateau.
We will. We'll keep looking.
It's not just finding a home.
It will be the first place that we've bought together,
laying down roots,
and just getting something beautiful
that's a monument really to France.
Does it faze us? Yes. Ha ha ha!
No. Absolutely. It does.
We're not naive. We know that it's gonna be
a really arduous journey.
Dick: He's not wrong.
With thousands of chateaus out there,
this task is going to be far from a simple one.
In the Pays de la Loire, Philip and Angelina
are already on their chateau adventure.
They've just secured their first booking,
a large anniversary party in two months' time,
and have started the massive task
of getting the place ready.
Philip: It's got lots of trees here,
which obviously once upon a time had
a living gardener to deal with.
Unfortunately, I appeared to have filled the role
of the living gardener.
I had high hopes for sitting on the patio,
sipping wine with a newspaper,
but I was sorely mistaken.
Dick: Inside, Angelina has made a start
on the interiors.
She is up-cycling secondhand furniture bought
for next to nothing.
Angelina: It cost me 1/3 of the price
than what it will cost me to buy new.
That's the only way I can afford to furnish each room.
I always use chalk paint because it's what
the room needs.
It needs to be lighter, so it does bounce
a lot more light and feels more airy and spacious.
Not that the room isn't.
I mean, it's pretty huge--ha-- but it's quite a dark room,
so I think this exactly what I wanted to achieve.
That French chic look.
Exactly how you expect a chateau to be.
Phil will absolutely love it when he sees it.
Dick: With the grounds to clear,
an outdoor bar to build from scratch,
and a serious damp problem in the guest toilets,
Phil's got more on his plate than a ham and cheese panini.
Philip: It could be me being a little bit tired,
a little bit grumpy from being out in the cold,
but I don't think there's enough physical time
between now and this party.
What I'm bothered about is how much stuff I've got to do.
- Yeah. - And you've got your own stuff.
I can't keep on asking you, and some of it's stuff
that you can't do anyway.
OK. If you're about to cry, kind of prep me for that.
Oh, I might think about it.
You get to the end of the day, and you just sort of
wonder why you did it all because you're seeing pictures
on social media of your friends out having a party
or--"Oh, yeah. I remember."
Back in the day when I had a life,
but if it's worth doing, it's not easy, is it?
Feel confident. It'll come together.
Someone's got to be strong. Ha ha!
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Dick: Next time...
Go!
Dick: caravanning Phil and Angelina style.
Angelina: Rope snapped.
Dick: Johnny and Ashley view their next chateau...
Johnny: Oh, babe, this is what we want, right?
Dick: but discover it's already occupied.
Ooh. Dick would have a field day with this.
Dick: and Angel tries to help Michael and Jonathan
cut down their bills.
Angel: Michael had a quote for flowers.
I nearly spat out me tea. Ha ha ha!
Dick: but will it be enough to save their business?
Jonathan: If we don't break even this year,
it would be...
[Exhales]
it would be a disaster.
and along with my wife Angel and our two children,
we left the UK for a whole new life in France
and bought this magnificent Chateau.
Angel: Ohh! Aah!
Dick, voice-over: We've gradually been making it
into our home, as well as running it as a business...
That's a long way up.
Dick, voice-over: but it turns out we're not alone
as dozens of Brits are doing exactly the same thing.
Boy: Ha ha!
Sometimes, you have to pinch yourself to think, "I own that."
Dick, voice-over: In this series, Angel and I
will reveal more about our journey
as chateau owners...
Find a lot of scrap here. It's worth money.
Might be able to pay you this time.
Dick, voice-over: and guide these daring brits
where we can...
It's a solid, old bridge, matey.
Dick, voice-over: as they renovate...
This is looking good. I'm quite happy with this.
Dick, voice-over: repair...
I've never done this before,
so it should be all right.
Dick, voice-over: and struggle to transform these buildings
into their homes and businesses.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Absolutely magnificent.
This is the glamorous chateau life
that everyone thinks I lead.
Just trying to avoid getting my face
nearer the toilet seat.
This is not the way to make money.
Dick, voice-over: But however hard the going gets,
these plucky brits can always say
they're kings and queens of their very own castles.
Cheers! Chin-chin.
Dick, voice-over: Today... Woman: Hi, guys!
Dick, voice-over: Two rookie chateau managers struggle
with their sales pitch...
It's a lot worse than it looks.
I'm gonna turn that into a bar. OK.
Dick, voice-over: and each other.
Woman: I don't think it's gonna bother anyone.
It'll bother me.
Dick, voice-over: A couple makes some unexpected discoveries
at their chateau in the Loire Valley.
Man: Wow! Oh, my goodness.
Dick, voice-over: Some surprising...
Motherlode!
Dick, voice-over: others rather worrying.
Man: Alex has found some dangerous chemicals in there.
Dick, voice-over: And as one couple start the search
for their fairytale chateau...
Woman: Oh, stunning.
"Beauty and the Beast."
Man: This room, it just makes me want to twirl.
- Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha.
Dick, voice-over: Angel and I give them
some invaluable advice.
Are you serious? You're buying a chateau?
Can't walk up it, but the chickens
will roost on it.
Dick, voice-over: I'm Dick Strawbridge,
engineer and former lieutenant colonel
in the British Army.
With my Angela, we've been renovating our chateau
into a home and business.
This is my calling in life.
Dick, voice-over: It's not been easy...
I think I'm a bit too old for this.
Dick, voice-over: but what people don't realize
is the hard work starts before you even get the keys.
What do you think, Abernathy?
Gonna go find a chateau?
Dick: Meet chateau shoppers Johnny
and his American-born partner Ashley.
He's an artist, she's a television producer,
and they want to buy their very own castle.
Johnny: The dream for both of us it to find
a chateau, something that's got obviously history.
A lot of them are in a ruined state.
We're talking no roofs, walls are falling down,
and the beautiful thing in France
there are so many properties like that out there.
Ashley: Yeah. We're just so excited about it,
and then to just bring it back to life.
I think that's the most exciting part.
Dick: After meeting a year ago, they set up home
near Montpellier in the South of France
in a small townhouse in the medieval town of Pézenas.
Ashley: Just to live amongst history
is such a dream.
In America, you don't get buildings that old ever.
It's just so exciting.
Dick: Artist Johnny has his own gallery
and workshop here.
Johnny: It's actually a famous town for artisans.
That's one of the reasons that we picked to live here.
Dick: He's got hundreds of pieces of artwork
taking up space in his gallery and their small home,
plus they share an addiction.
Ashley: Our passion is antiquing.
Johnny: We're kind of like magpies,
so this, for instance, is just probably 1%
of a glimmer of our personality, right?
Things that we've collected all the way round France.
Dick: So they're taking the plunge and buying
something big, very big.
So we've done the math, and I think we come out
with E=mc chateau.
Ha ha ha! Right?
Dick: They're also hoping their chateau
will provide them with a whole new business.
Ashley: We want to be able to have a gallery
and a big workshop but also in the future
a cafe, so the more space, the better.
Johnny: Yeah.
Dick: But before they start the search
for their dream home, they've asked
me and Angel for some advice.
but Johnny's driven from the South of France
to meet us at our place.
Johnny: Oh, my God.
What a first impression, eh?
Oh, this is awesome.
Actually, I really wish that we had found this one
before Dick and Angel.
Ha ha ha!
They have got a beauty here. They really have.
Dick: Hiya, Johnny. How you doing, fella?
- Hi, Dick. - How was the journey?
- Oh, it was long. - Ha ha ha!
- Lovely to meet you. - Good to see you, mate.
Johnny: I'm lost for words. Honestly, I really am.
Dick: We actually searched long and hard.
- Yeah? - You know, did--
it's not a matter of just sort of turning up,
finding your chateau, and moving in.
- Yeah. - Do you know how big
you're looking for?
Um, well, the bigger the better.
I mean, who doesn't want a big French chateau, OK?
- This is small. - Ha ha.
This is classed as small chateau.
Let's go see Angela. Let's go meet Angela.
Johnny: Yeah. Should we do that?
Thank you.
Dick: Hey, gorgeous! Johnny: Oh, wow.
Angel: Johnny, how are you? Johnny: Morning, darling.
- Nice to meet you. - Mm-wha. Mm-wha.
Dick, voice-over: If we're gonna give Johnny
a few pointers on buying a chateau,
we need to know a bit more about what he and Ashley
are after.
Angel: Cheers. Johnny: Thank you
so much for having me, guys.
Dick: No problem, mate.
So are you serious? You're buying a chateau?
You're that stupid? Have you thought about this?
For us, a chateau, it's the beauty
of the old stone, the architecture.
It's the history that goes into it,
you know worn floors that servants
have walked over for generations and generations,
serving their masters, all the family above,
and just being part of that and feeling it, you know?
He is that stupid.
[Laughter]
Angel: How long you been together now?
Um, just over a year actually.
I think that the commitment is absolutely huge.
- Hmm. - If you've got the same values,
you'll get through it,
and we work out-- sort stuff, don't we,
building what we've got for the children
and what have you,
and when you've got that dream,
you put the hard work in.
Johnny: Yeah. We want to do--start off small
with, like, a little bed and breakfast,
build up to a bit more--
- Boutiquey? - Hotel, boutique-style hotel,
but the big draw card really is looking
for a chateau that's got out buildings
so that I can have my big workshop,
so I can have my art gallery.
I think the best thing we can do is
have a look at some things and just sort of
give you a bit of guidance as to what to look out for,
what to be scared of...
- Sure. - Because, um, you know...
Dick, voice-over: I'll try not to scare him,
but I don't think Johnny has a clue
how much he's bitten off when it comes
to choosing a chateau.
Just 25 miles north of ours is another chateau,
the 17th century Chateau du Bailleul.
It has 30 rooms and sits in 6 acres of land.
It lies in the Pays de la Loire region of France
and is rented by estate agents
Philip and Angelina Baillie-Smith.
Philip: Home, sweet, home.
Dick: Bored of the London rat race,
they moved to France, where they got married.
Now they're renting the chateau to see
if they want to make the move and buy their own castle.
Philip: I thought, "Let's rent first."
We'd get to genuinely experience the life
that we were planning on buying into.
Angelina: Try before you buy.
- Yeah. Something like that. - There you go.
Philip: It costs us about 40,000 Euros a year
to be here by the time you put in your heating costs,
all the rest of it.
Dick: They can only afford to live here
by continuing their estate agent business in London,
but to help make ends meet and deciding
they want to buy their own chateau,
they are now going to hire out the chateau for events.
We've been in the UK for 3 weeks.
Best turn the water back on.
Oh. Watch yourself.
Dick: Today, they're meeting a local English couple,
who have agreed to have their anniversary party here.
Philip: This is where the stop cock is.
Ugh.
It's under a lot of foam to keep it from freezing.
I'm glad you're doing it, not me.
Philip: Water's on.
Dick: This will be Phil and Angelina's first booking.
Philip, voice-over: We can afford to stay in a place
like this, but it's absolutely pointless
unless you're gonna run a business out of it.
This event coming up this summer is our dry run.
We really need to make sure it goes off without a hitch.
Dick: The couple coming today want to discuss
the finer details of their big party.
Angelina: It's always quite stressful
when I've got these guests coming up,
and I've probably got under an hour
to tidy up lots of rooms, get ready,
get the dog out of the way, as well.
Lightning, come. That's it. Good boy.
Dick: But having clean rooms and a clean dog
are the least of their worries.
The guest toilets have a serious damp problem.
Angelina: Oh, wow. That's--that's quite minging.
Whatever damp-proof membrane was on this wall
was holding the water.
Angelina: You might not want to touch that.
Dick: And the outdoors entertainment needs
a bit of work.
- I'll turn that into a bar. - Bar, yeah. I agree.
Philip: But this is my plan.
Put a tilt in this so there's a run,
and we put a roof on it.
How about a Perspex roof?
Perspex looks like it's cheap and quick.
- If you've got white canvas... - Yeah.
it's got the weddingy sort of shabby chic...
- It's vintage, yeah. - feel to it.
- Yeah. - Here.
I don't think it's gonna bother anyone.
It'd bother me.
Dick: With their party clients due to arrive at any moment,
Phil and Angelina have to focus less on the shabby
and more on the chic.
Philip: To make their day as special
as we found our wedding here, maybe with a little bit of luck,
they can see through the mess and we're all good.
[Horn honks]
Angelina: They're here.
Hi, guys!
Dick: Retired pilot Chris and his wife Roseanne
have lived in this part of France for 12 years
and have agreed to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary
in Phil and Angelina's chateau.
They're joined by their son Christian,
who will be the DJ on the big day.
So nice to see you.
Roseanne: Chris has been away most
of our married life, flying,
and we haven't been able to celebrate many anniversaries,
so this is gonna be really special for us.
50 years. It's a lifetime, isn't it, I suppose.
Doesn't sound very good, does it?
Chris: Ha ha ha!
Shall we go in?
Dick: A lot depends on how the next few hours go.
It's not just the booking that could be in question
but the couple's plans for a future
in their very own chateau.
Philip: We don't get it right for these guys
and this day, we'll probably think
about maybe this isn't for us.
Just really hope that's not the case.
This is the magnificent Chateau de Jalesnes.
It's the home of British couple Michael and Jonathan.
Located in the Loire Valley, they bought this place in 2014
for just over £750,000.
Jonathan: It was the same price as our flat in London.
That's how ridiculous it was.
We thought it was too good an opportunity to miss.
Dick: Back then, the place looked very different.
Jonathan: The first sight of it in the flesh
rather than the estate agent's details, was...wow.
I think it was even more wow because it was so neglected.
There was--had trees growing out of the mote.
Where we're sitting at the moment,
like, it was up here somewhere.
I mean, you could get lost in it.
- There's goats. - Ha ha!
Jonathan: There was thorns and thistles and ivy
and trees and ponies and donkeys and goats.
The challenge was superhuman, and that's what
appealed to the two of us.
Dick: With the help of investors,
they've converted into 15 holiday apartments
and a location for weddings,
but they're struggling to make a profit,
so this year is make or break.
Michael: Jon and I don't earn anything out of this
until it starts making money.
We're now two years down the line,
and it's still not making a profit,
so we've got a year on a very, very frugal budget
to go, and then we've got to make
the decision can we still sustain
the two of us being here?
Dick: They're doing everything they can
to keep costs down.
One way of doing that is to use volunteers.
Michael, voice-over: Have a system of volunteers
that come from all over the world
to give us a hand,
so these guys come along, give us their skills
that we haven't got the aptitude to do,
and then we can feed and lodge them.
Barter works wonders.
Dick: Today, the volunteers are going to help
Michael and Jonathan search some unexplored caves
in the chateau's dry moat.
They're hoping they might uncover some surprises
that could make or save them some much-needed cash.
Michael: All the stone around the moat, et cetera,
was dug out to build this chateau,
so this stone for this building
has come from these moats and these caves.
Jonathan: And we still haven't been in all the caves.
There are still some that are unexplored.
We just haven't had the time because we've been
so busy with this.
Dick: Who knows what secrets lie hidden
in some of these caves?
Man: This entrance could have been blocked up
for several decades, perhaps even centuries,
and eventually, we hope to see
what mysteries lie behind it.
There's a lot of local rumors about a tunnel system
and treasure.
Dick: The caves they're exploring today
lie just off the entrance tunnel to Chateau de Jalesnes'
dry moat.
Jonathan: If there's anything dangerous,
just shout out.
Don't try to deal with it.
If you find any treasure, it's mine.
Michael: Mine.
Jonathan: Otherwise, let's have some fun.
Does that open up?
Come on then. That's a good start.
OK. Come on in.
So building materials need to go into the cave next door.
Anything that you think can be recycled
we'll put in one pile.
Superb. Let's get stuck in.
That's rubbish, Michael.
Hey. What is...
Wow! Oh, my goodness.
Michael!
Dick: They've only been working 5 minutes
when the cave throws up a surprise.
Jonathan: Michael. Where's that from then?
Michael: When you see things like this,
it's often to do with the Revolution.
The heads have been chopped off,
and the hands have been chopped off.
Dick: In 1794 when the peasants came through this part
of the country, they vandalized
any images of nobility.
These statues were made before then.
Jonathan believes way before then.
Jonathan: We know there was a medieval manor house
on the same site of the chateau today,
and we know that the chateau's been built piece by piece.
The earliest bit that we've got at the moment
dates from 1513, but this is pre that even,
which we just need to keep now.
We need to show it, display it, get it up
so that everybody who comes to the chateau can see it.
I mean, it's fantastic to find something like that.
Really good.
Dick: But just as things are looking up...
Jonathan: Alex has found some dangerous chemicals in there.
Michael: How do you know they're dangerous?
Jonathan: Because it's got "dangerous" written
on the bloody barrel.
Dick: Back to our place in northwest France.
Aspiring chateau buyer Johnny has come for some advice.
It might be a dream to own a fairytale castle
with turrets and towers,
but buy the wrong place, and it can turn
into a nightmare,
so we've got some simple tips.
Angel: There are a lot of stairs.
Dick: Hold up. We've come up 3 flights.
Have a look at this next bit.
Johnny: Oh, wow.
Dick: And there's another floor above this.
Angel: You're young, and it doesn't matter,
but if you are thinking of having this
as a business, you do have to keep
that sort of thing in mind.
Dick: Keep walking upstairs.
You've had too much of a breather.
I like to see people doing it in a oner.
Dick, voice-over: Tip number one,
don't worry about the ceiling.
It's the roof that matters.
Dick: You see the little stainless steel clips
on the tiles?
- That's new roof. - Right. Yeah.
Dick: That is a new roof, so when you're looking around,
that has had a problem.
It is now fixed, and that says
it's been maintained.
Johnny: OK.
Dick, voice-over: Tip two, think about the heating.
So this is a thermal store, where we store
all of our hot water,
and if you can actually have an efficient system
of heating, it's in your best interest.
Anything that helps you get cheaper energy.
You know, take somebody's arm off about here
because the bills are big.
Johnny: Yeah.
Dick, voice-over: Tip 3,
never underestimate the plumbing.
This little bad boy here, the old poop tube.
Johnny: Poop tube.
Dick: If you are in the bathroom
in the botanical suite on that side,
yeah, your poo has to go over to our septic tank
- over on this side... - OK.
and, Angela, you didn't want any external pipes.
Angel: I didn't. Johnny: No.
Angel: Sorry. Dick: So consequently,
we had to find a route through the house
for the pipes, and it has to drop
25 mils per meter or an inch per yard basically,
so you got a progression of a slope down
so the poop keeps moving.
You have to think about really boring things
like gravity.
For us, the plumbing and electric
with all the piping, with the thermal store,
with the radiators,
that'd be no change and 25 K.
Angel: Hmm. Dick: Yeah.
I mean, thus far all we have done
is talked about where we-- you know, cosmetic stuff
because that's what you do.
You get excited, you think about how
it's gonna be projected,
you think of palettes and what linen you want,
but I must say, hearing this, you know,
it's quite scary because you do have to think, don't you?
Dick, voice-over: I think the penny's finally
beginning to drop.
Next, keep an eye out for creepy crawlies.
Dick: See this? This is woodworm,
and there's rot, and there's various things in there,
but, you know, things like this has all been treated now.
None of this bothers me.
Further south where you are, there's a line,
and down below that line, there's the things
that sort of eat lots, yeah?
- Termites? - You better believe it.
Your area, termites are phenomenal.
Dick, voice-over: Woodworm is relatively easy to treat,
but if Johnny does choose a place down south,
he'll need to check for termites
because they can be costly.
Dick: So let's go down another floor.
Dick, voice-over: I just hope we haven't turned him
off the idea of chateau life completely.
Dick: There's lots of things that sound like
there's problems, but in the end of the day,
you get to live somewhere that is
actually quite special.
Dick, voice-over: And I've got something to show, Johnny,
that will fire up his imagination.
25 miles north, Philip and Angelina
are showing Chris and Roseanne around their chateau.
Nice to see you.
Dick: They've already agreed to have
their 50th wedding anniversary here.
Today, they're finalizing the details,
but with more than 30 other chateaus
already up and running as event locations
within 100 miles of here,
Philip and Angelina don't want to cause them
to reconsider.
Angelina: Here's an idea, right?
It's not often you get to a 50-year anniversary.
Are you interested to renew your vows?
You know, there's a chapel, you know, at the back.
Philip: Yeah. After 50 years of marriage,
you're allowed to say no.
[Laughter]
No. That would be good. Something I hadn't
thought about.
- Had you? - Would I marry you again?
Yeah, of course I would.
Thought he had his fingers crossed.
[Laughter]
Philip: How about as the starting point,
you know, should we just have a look,
and we'll go from there?
- Yes. - Yeah?
Dick: First up is the entrance hall,
which was used as a dining room
for Philip and Angelina's wedding.
Philip: This room will be lovely.
Dick: But for this anniversary party,
Philip thinks it would be bettered used
as a thoroughfare into the garden.
Philip: If we move one of these tables back
against the radiator there, they've got the champagne.
They grab it themselves, and we're into the back garden
before the party starts.
Assume you a toast.
But do we actually want a toast?
Roseanne: I think so Philip: Yeah.
You know, you're marking a day that's special.
You'll be doing it in a great setting.
Chris: The toilets are behind there?
Philip: Yeah. Chris: How many we got?
Philip: We've got two. However--heh--
here we go.
- After you. - It's loo time.
Philip: Yeah. Toilets.
Angelina: Don't be shy. Ha.
Roseanne: These are the two toilets?
Philip: Yeah. They'll be unisex.
They're downstairs. They're easy to get to.
It needs a little bit of work until it's used.
It'll be fine.
Um, it's a lot worse than it looks,
so I don't want to scare you.
Roseanne: Pretty disgusting actually. Ha ha ha!
Is that, um, a family loo? You've got two in there.
Philip: You can both go at the same time.
Chris: Yeah. Roseanne: I'm sorry, Phil.
I couldn't invite anybody into those loos.
Philip: As I couldn't even use them myself.
I'm gonna get rid of whatever's causing the issue,
redo the wall up there.
It'll probably just be plain white.
Roseanne: So you can assure me they're both going to be
flushing loos and it's going to look a lot prettier?
- Yeah. - I look forward to seeing
them afterwards.
It'll be interesting.
It's what we do outside that counts.
Dick: Ooh. I'd get them out onto the terrace
pretty quick, Phil.
Philip: There'll be some seating here.
We'll spread it around,
and I'm gonna turn that into a bar.
Chris: OK.
Philip: Yeah. You've got to have a bit of imagination.
Picture this stuff is not gonna be here.
Angelina: Yeah. Philip: OK.
Angelina: We'll have wine fridge, ice machine.
Philip: You're gonna do the DJing at the party.
Would you put your stuff in here
and we have actually the majority
of the party here?
Christian: The lighting and the speakers,
it needs to be under cover really,
so ideally, it would need to be in the marquee.
OK. OK.
Chris: If it's in the marquee, that'd be brilliant.
Philip: OK. Roseanne: Can I assume
all that's going to be cleared up out there?
Philip: You mean you don't like fallen trees
as part of the backdrop?
No. A little bit of faith is all I ask
with a little luck and a lot of work.
- Just out of curiosity... - Yeah?
have we discussed food?
- Uh... - When we did Anne's 60th,
we did a barbecue in the garden.
Philip: Yeah. There's all sorts of different options.
- Barbecue. - Yeah.
It depends on what you think.
Chris: Barbecue.
Like, it's barbecue and a buffet style,
if it's hot...
Just let us know, and then we can have
a look at what we can do.
Right. Shall we go and have a look in the back garden
and see how we'll lay it out?
Dick: In the Loire Valley sits the magnificent
Chateau de Jalesnes.
Owned by couple Michael and Jonathan,
they and a band of volunteers have been clearing out
one of the unexplored caves that come
off the chateau's dry moat.
They found some medieval statues...
Jonathan: It's fantastic to find something like that.
Dick: but a minute later, one of the volunteers
finds something a bit more sinister.
Jonathan: Alex has found some dangerous chemicals in there.
Michael: How do you know they're dangerous?
Jonathan: Because it's got "dangerous" written
on the barrel.
Dick: Michael finds a clue to what the barrels may contain.
Michael: Someone's written on the wall
"62 doses, pour 30 liters of petrol."
So they're mixing petrol with something,
so that could explain why we've got
all these toxic fluids back here.
What would you mix with petrol?
No idea. Ha ha ha!
Dick: Some of the barrels contain vegetable oil
leftover from the chateau's hospital days.
Could it be that they were mixing it with petrol
to try and increase their stock of fuel?
Back then, engines could tolerate less pure forms
of fuel than today.
I certainly wouldn't use that instead of unleaded.
Jonathan: These chemicals that you have found
in these barrels, we can't really handle them
because if it's got "dangerous and toxic" on it
you have to get a special contractor to come in,
fill in lots of paperwork, and they have to dispose of it.
If we leave that, is there anything else
in there, Alex, or just those?
Alex: And some wine and bottles.
Jonathan: Hey! Motherlode. We found some wine!
Hee hee hee!
Alex: All right. Stop work.
Jonathan: We've got, what, about 4, 5 cases of wine.
What are they, what are they, Alex?
- 1995. Look. - Yep. '96.
Cote de Beaune. Cote de Beaune.
They're covered in dust. Look at the label on that,
how moldy it is.
So this is a different one then.
This is a different shape.
This is a Bordeaux-shaped bottle.
Chateau la Perriere.
This is 19...
[Blows]
1992. My God.
Heavens to Betsy. Have you seen this, Michael?
No. I heard you, though.
Jonathan: Yeah. There's a great stock of wine here.
Look at this stuff. 25-year-old Bordeaux. Ha ha!
[Indistinct] '92.
Jonathan: That's 25 years ago.
25-year-old bottle of wine. Have a look.
Michael: Well, that's tonight sorted.
[Laughter]
Dick: What a result.
The statues will benefit the chateau
and make a beautiful frieze in its entrance hall,
and the wine, if it's still in good nick,
can be the reward for finding the statues.
I wouldn't mind trying some of that.
As Michael sets about finding a place to store his booty,
Jonathan heads to the other side of the dry moat,
where one of the volunteers thinks he's discovered
something in another unexplored cave.
Jonathan: So what do you think? Have you had a look at it?
Man: Quite sure there's water there.
Dick: At mine and Angel's place in northwest France,
aspiring chateau owner Johnny has been getting
a crash course in what to look for
when you buy a chateau.
Before he leaves, there's one last thing to show him.
Angel: I think you should take Johnny outside
and show him some of the out buildings.
Talk about studios. Let's see what you get for free.
I'm thinking about it.
Dick, voice-over: I know the top of Johnny's wish list
are some outhouses for his gallery and workshop.
Johnny: So another story up here, right?
Dick: Yes. There's 3 stories.
Johnny: Ha. Oh. This is huge. Oh, wow!
Dick: Caveat I would say is most of them
have not been used for a long time,
so have a good think and have a look around.
This--all this wood is original.
I'm probably more excited about the out buildings
than I do the chateau. Ha ha!
Dick, voice-over: Tour over, there's one final bit of advice.
Always think long term.
Dick: We're talking commitment when you buy
a chateau, yeah?
A puppy's not just for Christmas.
A chateau's not just for that honeymoon period.
It's the long slog. We looked for 4, 4 1/2 years...
- OK. - before we found this place.
Come on. Let's go get some air.
It's quite hot in here, isn't it?
- They get stuffy, right? - Yeah.
Dick, voice-over: Johnny and Ashley are
at the beginning of an amazing
chateau buying adventure.
How are you?
Johnny: They are awesome.
Dick, voice-over: I have to admit I don't envy them.
Dick: Don't be scared.
We haven't ever regretted what we've done.
It is so worth it.
We're happy, darling, aren't we?
- Yeah. Johnny, good luck. - Aw. Thank you so much
for all your advice and everything.
I really appreciate it.
Dick: And don't forget you've got
the roof, the windows, the plumbing.
Johnny: That's right. Dick: Have a nice shop, fella.
Johnny: I'll keep you posted. Angel: Yeah. Make sure you do.
Johnny: Thanks, guys.
Dick, voice-over: I hope we've taught him
a thing or two today, and I can't wait to see
what he and Ashley settle on.
At Chateau du Bailleul in Gorron
in northern France, Phil and Angelina
are finalizing their arrangement for Chris and Roseanne's
50th wedding anniversary celebrations.
Philip: We'll just cut around here, OK?
Roseanne: OK. Angelina: This is a really
long walk just to go for a dance.
Dick: Phil has agreed to erect a marquee for the party.
He wants to place it at the back of the grounds
next to the moat to give the best view
of the chateau from the marquee entrance.
Chris: So the marquee will go where, Phil?
Philip: I'm thinking the marquee goes
lengthways here.
Dick: But Chris and Roseanne want it closer to the chateau.
- Why not here? - I was hoping it was
gonna be back there.
Philip: OK. Chris: That's a wonderful,
little spot over there.
They're gonna sit over there,
and they're gonna drink over there.
Dick: Phil is worried there won't be enough room
for the guests if it's too close.
It's the summer. Most people are gonna be
in front of the marquee, and if it's a great day--
You're allowing enough room for them to be outside.
- Yeah. - Well...
I was just thinking it was convenient.
Philip: It's your day. Why don't we have it
somewhere in the middle?
This is kind of the fake line for the back of it.
That's your space.
- Or-- - Yeah?
Angelina: Or would you rather it be
this the back of it so it's closer there?
Philip: No, because you got too little space at the front.
Angelina: This is the shortest distance that we agree.
Roseanne: Yes. I agree with you. That's a good idea.
Angelina: Yes. Thank you! Good girl.
I was right.
Dick: The tour's over, but Phil is worried.
Philip, voice-over: I think we've done enough today,
but anyone can walk away and change
their mind afterwards.
If I'm honest, given the condition of the house,
I wouldn't blame them.
I just hope they can see through the mess,
we can deal with the problems, and we're all good.
Dick: So he's cooked up a treat to win them over.
Philip: The French don't really do a Sunday roast.
You can't go out and have one.
No one else in Europe understands a Sunday roast
apart from the English, so why not play on that,
and hopefully, that will seal the deal.
Let's not say anything too positive
in case I jinx it.
I'm so hungry.
Where would you like me to sit?
- Oh, anywhere you like. - Anywhere?
Dick: As with all Sunday roasts,
timing is everything.
Unfortunately, Phil is cooking in two kitchens
at either end of the chateau.
Yeah. OK. Ha!
Was that Phil? Where's Phil?
Angelina: He's coming. I can hear him.
With dinner?
Uh...
[Sighs]
Say to get 10,000 steps a day.
It's not a problem in a house like this.
So I'm running between a kitchen
on one side of an 8,000-square-foot house
to the other to try to cook the meat,
the potatoes, the rest of it
because the oven here, the glass has fallen out
as I tried to use it this morning,
but do you know what?
It's great experience for how things go wrong
on an event and on a day, isn't it,
so it doesn't really matter.
Dick: Trying to impress his guests could backfire on Phil.
If he can't deliver a dinner for 5 on time,
how's he going to cope with catering for more than 50?
Chris: I know the food's gonna be absolutely delightful,
but it's been a long time coming.
Dick: But Phil knows how to keep his clients on board.
- You need help? - Just keep them entertained,
keep the flow of conversation.
Ply them with alcohol, keep them happy.
10-minute delay. We'll survive.
We're all good.
Thankfully, the wine's flowing,
so everyone will be all right, so...
Hot stuff coming through.
Dick: Just 25 minutes late, dinner is finally served.
OK.
Everyone's had plenty of drinks,
so they are well--
Philip: They're ignoring the fact it's late?
- OK. Good. - Yes.
- Good. - Great. Thank you.
Philip: Enjoy your food. Sorry it's late.
Here's to life.
All: Drink to life. Chris: Lovely.
Roseanne: The pork is so sweet.
It's lovely.
Angelina: English roast in a French chateau.
Very, very good.
Dick: The meal's a hit, but did the rather amateur
chateau tour change their neighbors' minds?
Roseanne: The only mistake he made was having
the marquee right at the back of the garden,
and it was a long way away from everything,
so persuading him now to do it closer to the chateau,
it's going to be good.
Chris: If Phil comes up with what he says
he's going to do,
with the backdrop that you've got here,
it's gonna be magnificent.
Dick: Jonathan, Michael, and their volunteers
are exploring just a few of the 30 caves at their chateau,
and after a few surprises...
Jonathan: 25-year-old Bordeaux. Ha ha! Motherlode!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Dick: one of the volunteers Cohen thinks
he's found another one.
Cohen: Quite sure there's water there.
- You are? - Yeah.
Jonathan: Really?
Dick: Jonathan's right to be excited.
A free water source for a chateau this size
could be worth thousands of pounds.
See, we thought this was a coal chute.
We thought that they delivered the coal here,
it dropped down the bottom, and you just pulled it out.
So can you tell if I drop a stone how deep it is?
Cohen: Well, I can make a guess, but...
Jonathan: Is that all right? Do you want to plop
away then, Cohen?
Yeah.
OK.
Jonathan: It's the moment of truth. Ahem.
[Loud splash]
Whoa! A lot of stuff falls in, huh?
That's fantastic. So what?
We want a bucket a rope, find out how deep it is
and what the water looks like that comes up.
- Yeah. - OK?
This is the answer to our prayers.
You cannot believe how important this is
because the formal gardens are just at the top.
We just have to go to the top here,
and we can feed just one pipe straight out there,
and we can water the whole blooming lot.
- That's great. - Fantastic.
I can't tell you how made up I am.
Dick: Jonathan and Michael currently spend
over £6,000 a year simply watering the garden.
Jonathan: The garden has been laid out
in the old French style
and takes a lot of water to keep the grass all green.
The business relies on it because brides need
bright green grass,
and their guests want flowers,
and the vegetable patch, the fruit trees,
and need I go on?
This is such an important find.
I cannot tell you how excited--
ohh--how excited I am about it.
It's just a life saver really bills-wise.
OK. I'll feed it through.
Show us your Girl Guides-- oh, you've done it.
Oh, yes. We've created our makeshift bucket,
and we'll see if we can find some water
down in this well here.
- OK. Off you go. - All right. Go ahead.
- OK. - I'm not the well expert.
Jonathan: Do you need to put a stone in the bottom of it
so that it actually goes under the water, I think?
We got one?
Cohen: It's going pretty deep.
- Is that it? - Yeah.
OK. I think I have some water.
Jonathan: Superb.
Cohen: Yeah. There's water.
Jonathan: What color is it?
Well, that's not bad actually. That's clear.
Considering that water's been down there
for I don't know how long, that's fantastic.
We got water!
Dick: This could be a big money saver,
make no mistake.
The chateau has its own water.
You'd better tell Michael the good news.
- Yes? - Don't say it like that.
This could--I could now make your day, make your minute.
- Whole week. - Yes, exactly.
Now you know this coal chute behind me here?
Yeah. Is there any coal in there?
Well, it isn't a coal chute.
Well, what is it then, Batman?
Jonathan: It's a well! Michael: Is there water in it?
Jonathan: It's a well, and it's full of water,
and it's right next to the back garden.
Do you reckon we can get it up from there to the garden?
Jonathan: Yeah. You get a pump.
So how much did we spend on water last year
just for the garden?
7,500 Euros or something like that.
Jonathan: 7,500. So how pleased are you?
Yeah. That's pretty good news.
I think I can sort of say then you can take me out to dinner.
Jonathan: All right. Ha ha ha! Michael: Great news,
and if we can get that pump up here,
yeah, the maths would say we'd save about 7,000.
Brilliant. Fantastic.
Dick: It's been a good day for Michael and Jonathan,
but even if this well can provide
enough water to cut down their bills,
the only way to ensure the business doesn't sink
is to secure a big wedding booking this summer.
Jonathan: Just to break even this year,
we would need 13 weddings.
We're currently at 5.
Dick: Brit Johnny has been to see me and Angel
for some chateau shopping tips.
570 miles away down in the South of France,
he and his American partner Ashley are starting
the search for their perfect castle
at Chateau de Jottes.
Ashley: It is a massive one built in the 16th century.
It looks like it needs a lot of work,
but it's exciting.
Dick: It's on the market for a fairly steep
520,000 Euros,
but this is the South of France,
where the warm climate and glam location
means prices are high,
even places like this that need a fair bit of work.
Johnny: Oh, wow. Ashley: It looks nice.
- Oh, my God! - It's huge.
- Oh, amazing. - Ha.
Dick: The 20-room chateau comes
with a separate 3-bedroom house,
5 holiday rentals,
and plenty of out buildings for Johnny's workshops.
It's 170 grand over their 350 grand budget,
but they're hoping they can get the price down.
- Bonjour. - Stefanie.
Thank you. It's Johnny. It's Stefanie? Oui?
Nice to meet you.
- Bonjour. Je suis Ashley. - Stefanie.
[Door squeaks]
Johnny: Here we go, babe. Heh heh.
Wow, babe.
Look at how big this is.
Look at that.
Ashley: Oh, fire. Johnny: Ah.
Stephanie: Fire. Johnny: Wow. What a shame.
Dick: I know they're up for a project,
but I worry this might be a little too much,
especially with the state of that roof.
Johnny: Babe, look up here.
- That's water, isn't it? - Yeah.
So water, fire, et...
Stephanie: Yes. Johnny: Ha ha ha! OK.
Ashley: Oh, stunning. Big windows.
It's, um...
"Beauty and the Beast."
Stephanie: Yes.
Johnny: This room, it just makes me want to twirl.
- Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha!
Johnny: How long, um, has the property been
vacant, empty?
- 10. - 10? Oui.
Torch time. We need a miner's hat.
Johnny: Oh, a restaurant. Oui.
And then there was a fire.
Here we have some his and hers.
This is quite nice here.
Tap doesn't work.
Toilet bowl.
Oh, look. There's a view, though.
Johnny: Broken dolls and empty bales.
Ashley: Little baby shoes.
Johnny: Look. Mama! Come on. Booboo, what do you think?
Ooh. That's very creepy, right?
Ashley: That's very creepy. Ha ha ha!
The room goes on and on and on.
Oh, my goodness.
I mean, my gosh. Everything would have to come out?
That was one hell of a fire, eh?
- Yeah. - Roaring right through. Whew.
Dick: Fire damage, water damage.
This chateau is riddled with structural issues.
I thought our place needed a lot of work.
Ashley: Oh, look at this. This could be
a nice, big workshop.
Johnny: Oh, wow! It's deep, right?
Ashley: Yeah.
If it was 300,000, even 350,000,
I would say, "Let's do it."
Johnny: Yeah.
- But 520,000... - Yeah.
with all of the work, I just--I don't know.
Johnny: Mm-hmm. You're thinking no, right?
- I'm thinking no. - Kind of the vibes I'm getting.
I love it, but, honey, it's just too much work.
- Sure. - We can't do that work
by ourselves.
I mean, it's missing floors.
Johnny: Ha ha! Yeah. OK. Yeah.
No. I think you're right. Maybe not on this one.
I think we'll let this one go.
Dick: I think it's the right decision.
There's way too much to fix here
and potentially hundreds of thousands to spend.
Ashley: We'll find our dream chateau.
We will. We'll keep looking.
It's not just finding a home.
It will be the first place that we've bought together,
laying down roots,
and just getting something beautiful
that's a monument really to France.
Does it faze us? Yes. Ha ha ha!
No. Absolutely. It does.
We're not naive. We know that it's gonna be
a really arduous journey.
Dick: He's not wrong.
With thousands of chateaus out there,
this task is going to be far from a simple one.
In the Pays de la Loire, Philip and Angelina
are already on their chateau adventure.
They've just secured their first booking,
a large anniversary party in two months' time,
and have started the massive task
of getting the place ready.
Philip: It's got lots of trees here,
which obviously once upon a time had
a living gardener to deal with.
Unfortunately, I appeared to have filled the role
of the living gardener.
I had high hopes for sitting on the patio,
sipping wine with a newspaper,
but I was sorely mistaken.
Dick: Inside, Angelina has made a start
on the interiors.
She is up-cycling secondhand furniture bought
for next to nothing.
Angelina: It cost me 1/3 of the price
than what it will cost me to buy new.
That's the only way I can afford to furnish each room.
I always use chalk paint because it's what
the room needs.
It needs to be lighter, so it does bounce
a lot more light and feels more airy and spacious.
Not that the room isn't.
I mean, it's pretty huge--ha-- but it's quite a dark room,
so I think this exactly what I wanted to achieve.
That French chic look.
Exactly how you expect a chateau to be.
Phil will absolutely love it when he sees it.
Dick: With the grounds to clear,
an outdoor bar to build from scratch,
and a serious damp problem in the guest toilets,
Phil's got more on his plate than a ham and cheese panini.
Philip: It could be me being a little bit tired,
a little bit grumpy from being out in the cold,
but I don't think there's enough physical time
between now and this party.
What I'm bothered about is how much stuff I've got to do.
- Yeah. - And you've got your own stuff.
I can't keep on asking you, and some of it's stuff
that you can't do anyway.
OK. If you're about to cry, kind of prep me for that.
Oh, I might think about it.
You get to the end of the day, and you just sort of
wonder why you did it all because you're seeing pictures
on social media of your friends out having a party
or--"Oh, yeah. I remember."
Back in the day when I had a life,
but if it's worth doing, it's not easy, is it?
Feel confident. It'll come together.
Someone's got to be strong. Ha ha!
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Dick: Next time...
Go!
Dick: caravanning Phil and Angelina style.
Angelina: Rope snapped.
Dick: Johnny and Ashley view their next chateau...
Johnny: Oh, babe, this is what we want, right?
Dick: but discover it's already occupied.
Ooh. Dick would have a field day with this.
Dick: and Angel tries to help Michael and Jonathan
cut down their bills.
Angel: Michael had a quote for flowers.
I nearly spat out me tea. Ha ha ha!
Dick: but will it be enough to save their business?
Jonathan: If we don't break even this year,
it would be...
[Exhales]
it would be a disaster.