Episodes (2011–2017): Season 3, Episode 7 - Episode Seven - full transcript
Beverly prepares to return to England, while Sean hangs onto hopes of keeping his Hollywood dream alive. Matt is crushed to learn that his former stalker is no longer obsessed with him. Carol is equally despondent when her dreams for a future with Castor are dashed.
I'm here for you.
Whatever you need.
Really?
You slept with him.
I swear...
There was no sleeping.
You had a script
that was going around back then.
It was all anyone talked about.
I'd love to read it again.
We're not looking to do
another show here.
Don't be mad at me.
All right.
I was just at a meeting
with Kim Sally over at Fox.
Do you mind if I show it to her?
You knew from the beginning
there were only two things
I asked...
Be nice and don't cheat.
I was nice.
Morning.
Hello.
Hey.
So, uh, we were thinking,
it might be nice
before we go back to London,
what do you say you and Jamie
come over for dinner?
Maybe this weekend?
Uh, actually,
Jamie and I are kind of done.
What? No.
You're kidding.
Yeah. So...
I can't believe it.
When did this happen?
Uh, few days ago.
And you never said anything.
I wish you'd told us
what happened.
It doesn't matter.
I don't suppose it had anything
to do with your little thing
with morning's daughter.
Might've.
Oh, my God.
You stupid, stupid man.
Stupid.
You cared so much about her,
and to lose her
over something like this...
What are you gonna do?
So that's it?
That's the extent
of your emotional pain?
What do you want me to say?
Something!
Be a human being!
Is there no guilt?
No regret?
Eh.
Oh.
So this isn't over.
You're just gonna let her go?
As opposed to?
Fight for her!
Beg her forgiveness!
Look at what you're losing.
She was the best thing
that ever happened to you.
She made you a better person.
Yeah, okay.
I'm getting breakfast.
Can we walk and do this?
What do you want from me?
Shit happens.
Shit didn't happen.
You made the shit happen.
Whatever.
You cheated on her
with a 19-year-old.
Did you see
the 19-year-old?
Huh?
Oh, no.
You're not taking me down
with you.
Well, I hope it was worth it.
You threw away
a wonderful relationship
with an extraordinary woman.
Hey, she was supposed
to be gone all week.
It's not my fault
she came back early.
My God. You should be
studied by doctors.
Then she shows up,
sniffing around
like some detective.
You heartless fucker.
Are you dead inside?
Probably.
You think this is Turkey bacon
or regular bacon?
Turkey.
There's the regular.
Oh.
You're a sociopath.
So I guess dinner's off.
Even if you were starving.
Hey.
Mm-hmm.
Maybe the next one's better.
Okay.
Whenever you're ready.
I'm Rena Keevey
reading for the Untitled
Shelly Siegler pilot.
She just did this play
in New York.
She's supposed to be brilliant.
Ooh. I like that.
I'm not speaking to you.
Really?
Sounds like you are.
Well, I shouldn't be.
I so didn't want to take Aaron
to that party.
I knew it was a bad idea.
What happened?
What happened?
We had a great time,
is what happened.
Are her ears funny?
...amazing, and now they...
Are they?
Maybe.
Interesting.
They're kind of like
little bat ears.
Is that what it is?
Oh, no.
Mm-mmm.
Well, if we go to series,
she could always get them
clipped or something.
Would she do that?
For a series?
That's not for me.
What?
I don't know.
Is she a show?
Mnh-mnh.
She doesn't feel like a show.
She feels
more best-friendy.
This is for the best friend.
Oh!
I do.
Is she too pretty
for the best friend?
Only if the lead girl's
another bat.
She looks like someone
I went to camp with.
Was she a show?
Can we get her?
What am I gonna do?
I'm not getting
the "brilliant" thing.
She's got big hands.
She's like
a less funny what's-her-name.
Mm.
Mm.
Sleep with him?
What do you think?
Mm.
Her voice annoys me.
I don't know
how we're going to cast this.
There's nobody good left.
It's a bad thing...
bad thing.
Carol?
Castor needs to see you.
Okay.
Right away.
Oh.
All right.
Keep going without me.
Mm-hmm.
I guess something came up.
Mmmm.
Hello?
Sean, hi.
- It's Eileen Jaffee.
- Oh, hello.
You sound out of breath.
I just got a new desk.
I think
I've got it set too high.
All right.
So, Kim read your script.
That was fast.
I know.
And, of course,
she loved, loved, loved it.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
She said
she laughed her ass off.
She thought it was fresh.
She thought it was different.
She said
you guys blew her socks off.
Wow.
Well, hopefully she has
someone to blow them back on.
I have no idea what that means.
Robbie!
Glasses.
Anyway, here's where
it gets a little tricky.
What do you mean, "tricky"?
She wants to make it.
Ah.
I know we said
that was off the table,
but she said it's exactly
what she's looking for,
and she thinks,
with the right casting,
this could be a big fucking hit.
Oh, my God.
And, by the way, did I tell you?
Kim passes on almost everything.
Well, obviously,
it's incredibly flattering,
and if it were just me,
I'd do it in a heartbeat. Well...
Maybe we can get bev on board.
I'd say it's unlikely.
Never hurts to ask.
That's not always true,
but I'll talk to her tonight.
The sooner, the better.
No, I know.
But I think if I broach it in the
middle of a hellish "Pucks" day,
she's less likely
to re-enlist.
God. They're still
making you shoot those?
Is no one
looking out for you guys?
Who's representing you here?
Uh, no one. We've just still
got our agent from the U.K....
Stanley Richardson.
Oh. I know Stanley,
from my London days.
How old must he be by now?
No one knows.
Everyone else his age is dead.
I remember. He makes
the best Christmas cookies.
Oh, absolutely.
He's famous for them.
Well, I don't know
if that's what I'd want
my agent to be famous for,
but they are delicious.
I'm telling you, it is
the hottest sex I have ever had.
So it's gonna be
one of those walks.
We'll be in the office,
and all of a sudden,
he just, like, wants me
and takes me...
Right there!
It's like nothing I've ever...
Well, didn't you and Merc
sometimes,
you know, in the office?
Uh, yeah.
But it's totally different.
This is like "Fifty Shades
of Grey" hot.
That was just...
Fifty Shades of Gray.
Ew!
Get this...
When we're doing it,
he won't let me look at him.
You're not allowed
to look at him?
Nope.
Of course, I do,
but only when he's not looking.
And you like that?
Well, he likes it, so...
I want to make him happy.
And do you get to tell him
what makes you happy?
Oh, he doesn't like it
when I talk.
Ever?
During.
That's nice.
In fact...
Yes?
...sometimes he puts
his hand over my mouth.
Oh, my God.
Can you breathe?
Yeah.
Through my nose.
And sometimes he opens
his fingers a little bit,
or I pry them apart.
Mm!
Fun.
You ever heard
of anything like that?
Not since Patty hearst
was kidnapped.
You think it's weird?
Far be it for me to judge
what anyone does in the bedroom
or over a desk.
But you think it's fucked up?
Little bit. Yeah.
But... if you're okay
with it,
and you're having fun
the rest of the time...
What do you mean?
Those are the times.
I mean, like...
When you go out to dinner.
You don't go out to dinner?
Well, not yet.
Anything?
Movies?
Hanging out at his house?
Oh, I haven't been
to his house yet.
We only have sex in the office.
We're taking it slow.
What are you making?
Oh. It started out
as chicken stir-fry.
It may have got away from me.
Are those raisins?
I'm trying to use up everything in
the cupboard before we go home.
Ah.
That's potentially terrifying.
Oh.
You know who called?
Eileen Jaffee.
Who's Eileen Jaffee?
That agent
we met at the restaurant.
Oh. Right.
What'd she want?
She loved the script
we sent her.
Aww. That's nice.
Taste.
What's sweet?
Amaretto biscuits.
We had a few left.
Right. You know, not everything
has to be an ingredient.
Uh, anyway...
Eileen loved the script
so much...
Mm?
...she sent it
to a friend of hers
who's a big deal at Fox
who apparently also
loved, loved, loved it.
Huh. Three "loves."
That's almost too many.
Mm. Hm.
According to Eileen,
this woman, Kim something,
was so knocked out...
Oh, dear God.
...she wants to make it.
Thought we should
at least discuss it.
Right.
Well, my side of the
conversation will be brief.
You're thinking no.
I'm thinking no.
I'm praying no.
I'm begging no.
Which is what I figured
you'd say.
Look, I get it.
It's flattering.
Oh, but these fuckers
are always flattering.
They're
professionally flattering.
Heh, right.
Darling, please.
Let's stick to the plan.
It's a good plan.
We're gone in two weeks.
We're so close.
We're the Von Trapps
escaping over the alps.
We can make it.
Maria, please, let's not go back
and give the Nazis
one more song.
Did I see Jamie's car in front
of the stage this morning? Yeah. Why?
So, does this mean you two are?
Oh, no, no, no.
She left some of her crap
at my house,
so my assistant was giving it
back to her driver.
Ah. Your assistant
and her driver.
Sounds like
quite the emotional goodbye.
Uh, hey, don't you start
giving me shit, too.
I'm sorry, but I'm kind of
with bev on this one.
We worked so bloody hard
to save our relationship.
And you...
you just throw it away like...
Tissues.
Fuck you.
Tissues.
I've worked hard
on relationships.
Right.
I have.
Really?
You think
me and Diane didn't try?
We did everything we could.
We went to counseling.
We had a threesome.
A threesome?
That's your idea
of "working hard"?
It is if you're
doing it right. Huh?
Aw, come on.
All right.
You want to know the truth?
Huh?
It was a fucking disaster.
Aw.
Your threesome was a disaster?
It was.
Look, the whole thing
was Diane's idea.
We were already in the shitter,
and she thought bringing in
another girl might help.
And, of course,
you didn't say no.
Anyway, Diane
gets this friend of hers,
some girl from her yoga class.
And she's totally up for it.
So she comes over.
We have some wine,
and we all get into bed.
And the disastrous part is?
Turns out I was into the friend
way more than Diane.
I mean, Diane's awesome,
but she's the mother
of my children, so...
So more difficult to objectify?
No, no, no.
Looser pussy.
What?
You know, you push two kids
out of there. It's...
Mm.
But this other girl was...
Hello?
Hi, honey.
It's Eileen.
Did you have a chance
to talk with bev?
Ohh.
Y-yes. Yes, I did.
So?
So pretty much as we expected.
She said no?
She said no.
Don't suppose
there's any wiggle room?
Uh, no.
We are snug.
Well, we tried.
That we did.
Oh!
Meanwhile,
guess who I just talked to.
Stanley Richardson.
Really?
I had to call him
about another piece of business,
but we were talking
about you guys
and how excited Fox is
about your script.
Which can't happen.
Which can't happen.
But if something did happen,
Stanley said he'd be fine
with us working together on it.
How are you with that?
But nothing's gonna happen.
Exactly.
Well, if you want half
of nothing,
I'm sure it's all right.
Great!
Well, I'll call Kim
and give her the bad news.
Do you believe this?
I've got the only clients
who don't want a show picked up!
Aah!
Oh. Sorry about that.
Oh, please.
Don't give it another thought.
Have a good one, sweetie.
Bye-bye.
Robbie, can I have
my coconut water now,
or should I just
go fuck myself?!
Um... okay.
Wow!
That was so...
Is it okay to talk now?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, good.
That was great.
Have you seen my phone?
What?
Oh.
Oh, there it is.
Uh...
Hoo!
So, uh...
...you want
to do something?
What do you mean?
You know, like, maybe go out
for dinner or...
No.
Oh. Okay.
Maybe another night.
Anything else you want to do?
Want to get my car washed.
Oh.
Great.
Great.
Good idea
who wants a corn dog?
Nah.
That's okay.
Let me rephrase that.
I want a corn dog.
Daddy?
Yeah?
There's that lady
who mommy hates.
Well, that could be
a lot of people.
Oh, Jesus.
Uh, okay.
You know what?
Why don't you guys go play on
the massage chair at brookstone,
and I'll meet you there
in a little while, okay?
Okay!
Hurry.
I'll race you.
Seriously?
Oh, my God!
Hi!
What are you doing?
I'm here with my kids.
If Diane finds out you're still
doing this, I am totally fucked!
I'm not! I swear.
Right.
You're telling me
this is a coincidence?
Yeah. I guess sometimes
they really happen.
Come on.
I'm not stupid.
We've been here too many times.
I wasn't, really.
Labes!
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry.
I had to park on the street.
Can you believe these fuckers
are charging to park here now?
It's okay.
I just got here, too.
Hey.
Oh.
Joe, this is Matt.
Matt, Joe.
You're... wow.
Oh. Hey.
How do you guys...
Uh, so, back
when I was supposed to die,
Matt was
my make-a-wish wish.
No shit.
Yeah.
And we've stayed friends
ever since.
Yeah.
That's, uh...
Yeah.
Very cool.
I love your show.
Seriously?
"Pucks"?
What's "Pucks"?
Right. Uh...
Thank you.
So, you guys...
You're like...
Yeah.
We are like.
So, when did...
How did you...
Remember the last time
that I saw you?
Uh... yeah.
So, the next day,
I'm, like, in Starbucks.
And you know
how they call your name?
Well, this guy laughs...
Like it's funny.
Come on! "Labia"?
I thought you were
just fucking with them.
Yeah. So I'm like, "look,
sorry if it's not
as interesting as 'Joe.'"
it was on my cup.
Sure.
So, anyway, we got to talking,
and then...
I don't know...
we got to doing other stuff.
And we're still doing it.
So, how are you?
Are you well?
Yeah. I'm well.
Are you... well?
Yeah. I am.
I'm good.
It's healthy.
Oh.
We're "healthy"?
Yeah.
We're very healthy.
Okay.
Mm.
It's better
when you say it like that.
Well, anyway, we're gonna
go get tattoos, so...
It was nice meeting you.
Yeah.
Take care.
Yeah.
Uh... see you around.
Or not.
The kids.
I...
So, I spoke to Kim
about the script.
Of course, she's heartbroken.
But she's a big girl.
She gets it.
Well, thank her again for us.
If you want,
you can thank her yourself.
She'd love to take
you guys to lunch
before you fly home.
Really?
She just wants to meet you
and tell you
what a huge fan she is.
Uh...
Let me talk to bev
and see if she's up for it.
No pressure.
Let me know.
See if she's up for what?
That woman from Fox
wants to take us to lunch.
Didn't...
bup-bup-bup!
She totally gets
that she can't have our script.
Then why... she just wants to tell us
what a big fan she is.
Which we already know.
Thank you, woman from Fox.
Might be nice.
Free lunch.
Darling, I'd happily pay
for her Cobb Salad
if I didn't have to be there
when she eats it.
So that's a no, then?
It's a no,
with blue cheese on the side.
So, you're down to, what...
Twice a week with the seritaxyl?
Right.
Still experiencing
any unwanted, uh...
Erectile incidents?
Some.
Not as many.
Good. In that case,
we can probably stop
with the seritaxyl entirely
and start increasing
the limatran.
That one doesn't
make you horny, does it?
No.
In fact, quite the opposite.
Sometimes there's actually
a lessening of sexual interest.
Oh. Good.
From your lips to my dick.
Isn't this what you wanted...
for her to get over you?
Yeah. Sure.
But being dumped
by your stalker?
Come on, now.
You had a good run.
I guess.
It's just weird knowing I'll
probably never have another one.
You don't know that.
Nah.
That was it.
You think Harrison Ford's
still getting stalkers?
Or Warren beatty?
There's a window.
We lead very different lives.
You know, I've had
other stalkers, but...
Nothing like this.
This was 15 years.
I met her when she was a kid.
They grow up so fast.
No, seriously.
It's probably the longest
relationship of my life.
That's not disturbing at all.
All those years
I put up with her shit...
Now she decides it's over?
Oh, come on.
It's for the best.
You know it is.
Yeah, yeah.
But she's seemed
so... over me.
You know?
Like I was
just some... person.
I used to look into her eyes
and see the crazy.
Today...
Nothing.
It was like...
Like the light went out.
Now he doesn't even want
to have sex with me.
Never?
Nope.
He won't let me touch him.
He's distant.
He's moody.
Although from the sounds of it,
he was always distant and moody.
The only difference is,
now he's not fucking you over a desk.
I know.
What did I do?
Maybe I pushed too hard.
Did I push too hard?
All I did was ask him
if he wanted to have dinner.
Oh, you demanding bitch.
Well, then why?
Does it matter?
Just be thankful that it's over.
You really think it's over?
I hope so.
From everything you said,
he's emotionally detached...
Possibly a misogynist.
He wouldn't let you look at him
or talk to him
when you're having sex.
Listen, you can find
negative things
to say about anybody.
He covered your mouth
with his hand.
Not always!
Fine!
Oh, God.
Why does this
keep happening to me?
Am I ever gonna be happy?
Yes.
Really?
I don't know.
I...
I always just assumed
that, one day,
I'd end up with some great guy
who's not married
and not fucked up.
But what if this is it?
What if this isn't the shit
I have to go through
to get to the good part?
What if this is the good part?
What's the matter?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm sure it's just this,
but...
...you're making me very sad.
Oh, my God.
My life is making you cry?
Oh, my God!
Oh, no, no.
No, don't you start!
I'm sorry!
No.
No, I'm sorry!
No! I'm sorry!
Is... is there any more
of that chicken-raisin-cookie
shit?
Oh, there's tons.
Oh.
I'm afraid it's a no on lunch.
Aw. Really?
Bev just isn't up for it.
We've got a lot to do.
Starting to pack and whatnot.
Gotcha.
Well, that's fine.
Unless you want to do it
without her.
Oh.
Um...
I don't think so.
It feels a little weird.
Sweetie, it's a sandwich,
not a blow job.
Although she really wants
that script.
Right.
And you'll love Kim.
She used to run Comedy Central,
so you know she's funny.
Uh-huh.
Look, it's your call.
Just think about it.
Oh, there she is!
Hi, sweetie!
Hello.
Mwah! Mwah!
Kim Sally, as promised,
this is Sean Lincoln.
Hello.
Oh. Please.
Actually, do it again.
No, no.
Okay, all right.
Let's take a seat.
Oh, I'm so sorry
we're this late.
There was crazy traffic,
as per usual in this town.
Really, that's I guess
my program
to be as late as we were.
Let's run it again, okay?
Mm-hmm.
I go to kick you in the head.
Yeah.
You duck under my leg...
Right.
...grab the leg...
Yeah.
...then kick my other leg
out from under me.
Okay. Got it.
Let's do it.
You don't need to mark it again?
No, no, no. I'm good.
Let's go.
Okay. On 3.
1...2...
Wait.
Is it on 3...
You're shitting me.
You're sure?
This is awesome!
Well, let me know.
Good news?
You know that guy who got
my part in the NBC pilot?
Ah.
Anthony Pawner Smith.
Just had a kickboxing accident.
Paralyzed!
Oh, my God.
Temporarily,
but long enough
that he can't do the pilot.
The man is paralyzed.
Temporarily!
Jesus!
Be happy for me for once!
We are back, baby!
Whatever you need.
Really?
You slept with him.
I swear...
There was no sleeping.
You had a script
that was going around back then.
It was all anyone talked about.
I'd love to read it again.
We're not looking to do
another show here.
Don't be mad at me.
All right.
I was just at a meeting
with Kim Sally over at Fox.
Do you mind if I show it to her?
You knew from the beginning
there were only two things
I asked...
Be nice and don't cheat.
I was nice.
Morning.
Hello.
Hey.
So, uh, we were thinking,
it might be nice
before we go back to London,
what do you say you and Jamie
come over for dinner?
Maybe this weekend?
Uh, actually,
Jamie and I are kind of done.
What? No.
You're kidding.
Yeah. So...
I can't believe it.
When did this happen?
Uh, few days ago.
And you never said anything.
I wish you'd told us
what happened.
It doesn't matter.
I don't suppose it had anything
to do with your little thing
with morning's daughter.
Might've.
Oh, my God.
You stupid, stupid man.
Stupid.
You cared so much about her,
and to lose her
over something like this...
What are you gonna do?
So that's it?
That's the extent
of your emotional pain?
What do you want me to say?
Something!
Be a human being!
Is there no guilt?
No regret?
Eh.
Oh.
So this isn't over.
You're just gonna let her go?
As opposed to?
Fight for her!
Beg her forgiveness!
Look at what you're losing.
She was the best thing
that ever happened to you.
She made you a better person.
Yeah, okay.
I'm getting breakfast.
Can we walk and do this?
What do you want from me?
Shit happens.
Shit didn't happen.
You made the shit happen.
Whatever.
You cheated on her
with a 19-year-old.
Did you see
the 19-year-old?
Huh?
Oh, no.
You're not taking me down
with you.
Well, I hope it was worth it.
You threw away
a wonderful relationship
with an extraordinary woman.
Hey, she was supposed
to be gone all week.
It's not my fault
she came back early.
My God. You should be
studied by doctors.
Then she shows up,
sniffing around
like some detective.
You heartless fucker.
Are you dead inside?
Probably.
You think this is Turkey bacon
or regular bacon?
Turkey.
There's the regular.
Oh.
You're a sociopath.
So I guess dinner's off.
Even if you were starving.
Hey.
Mm-hmm.
Maybe the next one's better.
Okay.
Whenever you're ready.
I'm Rena Keevey
reading for the Untitled
Shelly Siegler pilot.
She just did this play
in New York.
She's supposed to be brilliant.
Ooh. I like that.
I'm not speaking to you.
Really?
Sounds like you are.
Well, I shouldn't be.
I so didn't want to take Aaron
to that party.
I knew it was a bad idea.
What happened?
What happened?
We had a great time,
is what happened.
Are her ears funny?
...amazing, and now they...
Are they?
Maybe.
Interesting.
They're kind of like
little bat ears.
Is that what it is?
Oh, no.
Mm-mmm.
Well, if we go to series,
she could always get them
clipped or something.
Would she do that?
For a series?
That's not for me.
What?
I don't know.
Is she a show?
Mnh-mnh.
She doesn't feel like a show.
She feels
more best-friendy.
This is for the best friend.
Oh!
I do.
Is she too pretty
for the best friend?
Only if the lead girl's
another bat.
She looks like someone
I went to camp with.
Was she a show?
Can we get her?
What am I gonna do?
I'm not getting
the "brilliant" thing.
She's got big hands.
She's like
a less funny what's-her-name.
Mm.
Mm.
Sleep with him?
What do you think?
Mm.
Her voice annoys me.
I don't know
how we're going to cast this.
There's nobody good left.
It's a bad thing...
bad thing.
Carol?
Castor needs to see you.
Okay.
Right away.
Oh.
All right.
Keep going without me.
Mm-hmm.
I guess something came up.
Mmmm.
Hello?
Sean, hi.
- It's Eileen Jaffee.
- Oh, hello.
You sound out of breath.
I just got a new desk.
I think
I've got it set too high.
All right.
So, Kim read your script.
That was fast.
I know.
And, of course,
she loved, loved, loved it.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
She said
she laughed her ass off.
She thought it was fresh.
She thought it was different.
She said
you guys blew her socks off.
Wow.
Well, hopefully she has
someone to blow them back on.
I have no idea what that means.
Robbie!
Glasses.
Anyway, here's where
it gets a little tricky.
What do you mean, "tricky"?
She wants to make it.
Ah.
I know we said
that was off the table,
but she said it's exactly
what she's looking for,
and she thinks,
with the right casting,
this could be a big fucking hit.
Oh, my God.
And, by the way, did I tell you?
Kim passes on almost everything.
Well, obviously,
it's incredibly flattering,
and if it were just me,
I'd do it in a heartbeat. Well...
Maybe we can get bev on board.
I'd say it's unlikely.
Never hurts to ask.
That's not always true,
but I'll talk to her tonight.
The sooner, the better.
No, I know.
But I think if I broach it in the
middle of a hellish "Pucks" day,
she's less likely
to re-enlist.
God. They're still
making you shoot those?
Is no one
looking out for you guys?
Who's representing you here?
Uh, no one. We've just still
got our agent from the U.K....
Stanley Richardson.
Oh. I know Stanley,
from my London days.
How old must he be by now?
No one knows.
Everyone else his age is dead.
I remember. He makes
the best Christmas cookies.
Oh, absolutely.
He's famous for them.
Well, I don't know
if that's what I'd want
my agent to be famous for,
but they are delicious.
I'm telling you, it is
the hottest sex I have ever had.
So it's gonna be
one of those walks.
We'll be in the office,
and all of a sudden,
he just, like, wants me
and takes me...
Right there!
It's like nothing I've ever...
Well, didn't you and Merc
sometimes,
you know, in the office?
Uh, yeah.
But it's totally different.
This is like "Fifty Shades
of Grey" hot.
That was just...
Fifty Shades of Gray.
Ew!
Get this...
When we're doing it,
he won't let me look at him.
You're not allowed
to look at him?
Nope.
Of course, I do,
but only when he's not looking.
And you like that?
Well, he likes it, so...
I want to make him happy.
And do you get to tell him
what makes you happy?
Oh, he doesn't like it
when I talk.
Ever?
During.
That's nice.
In fact...
Yes?
...sometimes he puts
his hand over my mouth.
Oh, my God.
Can you breathe?
Yeah.
Through my nose.
And sometimes he opens
his fingers a little bit,
or I pry them apart.
Mm!
Fun.
You ever heard
of anything like that?
Not since Patty hearst
was kidnapped.
You think it's weird?
Far be it for me to judge
what anyone does in the bedroom
or over a desk.
But you think it's fucked up?
Little bit. Yeah.
But... if you're okay
with it,
and you're having fun
the rest of the time...
What do you mean?
Those are the times.
I mean, like...
When you go out to dinner.
You don't go out to dinner?
Well, not yet.
Anything?
Movies?
Hanging out at his house?
Oh, I haven't been
to his house yet.
We only have sex in the office.
We're taking it slow.
What are you making?
Oh. It started out
as chicken stir-fry.
It may have got away from me.
Are those raisins?
I'm trying to use up everything in
the cupboard before we go home.
Ah.
That's potentially terrifying.
Oh.
You know who called?
Eileen Jaffee.
Who's Eileen Jaffee?
That agent
we met at the restaurant.
Oh. Right.
What'd she want?
She loved the script
we sent her.
Aww. That's nice.
Taste.
What's sweet?
Amaretto biscuits.
We had a few left.
Right. You know, not everything
has to be an ingredient.
Uh, anyway...
Eileen loved the script
so much...
Mm?
...she sent it
to a friend of hers
who's a big deal at Fox
who apparently also
loved, loved, loved it.
Huh. Three "loves."
That's almost too many.
Mm. Hm.
According to Eileen,
this woman, Kim something,
was so knocked out...
Oh, dear God.
...she wants to make it.
Thought we should
at least discuss it.
Right.
Well, my side of the
conversation will be brief.
You're thinking no.
I'm thinking no.
I'm praying no.
I'm begging no.
Which is what I figured
you'd say.
Look, I get it.
It's flattering.
Oh, but these fuckers
are always flattering.
They're
professionally flattering.
Heh, right.
Darling, please.
Let's stick to the plan.
It's a good plan.
We're gone in two weeks.
We're so close.
We're the Von Trapps
escaping over the alps.
We can make it.
Maria, please, let's not go back
and give the Nazis
one more song.
Did I see Jamie's car in front
of the stage this morning? Yeah. Why?
So, does this mean you two are?
Oh, no, no, no.
She left some of her crap
at my house,
so my assistant was giving it
back to her driver.
Ah. Your assistant
and her driver.
Sounds like
quite the emotional goodbye.
Uh, hey, don't you start
giving me shit, too.
I'm sorry, but I'm kind of
with bev on this one.
We worked so bloody hard
to save our relationship.
And you...
you just throw it away like...
Tissues.
Fuck you.
Tissues.
I've worked hard
on relationships.
Right.
I have.
Really?
You think
me and Diane didn't try?
We did everything we could.
We went to counseling.
We had a threesome.
A threesome?
That's your idea
of "working hard"?
It is if you're
doing it right. Huh?
Aw, come on.
All right.
You want to know the truth?
Huh?
It was a fucking disaster.
Aw.
Your threesome was a disaster?
It was.
Look, the whole thing
was Diane's idea.
We were already in the shitter,
and she thought bringing in
another girl might help.
And, of course,
you didn't say no.
Anyway, Diane
gets this friend of hers,
some girl from her yoga class.
And she's totally up for it.
So she comes over.
We have some wine,
and we all get into bed.
And the disastrous part is?
Turns out I was into the friend
way more than Diane.
I mean, Diane's awesome,
but she's the mother
of my children, so...
So more difficult to objectify?
No, no, no.
Looser pussy.
What?
You know, you push two kids
out of there. It's...
Mm.
But this other girl was...
Hello?
Hi, honey.
It's Eileen.
Did you have a chance
to talk with bev?
Ohh.
Y-yes. Yes, I did.
So?
So pretty much as we expected.
She said no?
She said no.
Don't suppose
there's any wiggle room?
Uh, no.
We are snug.
Well, we tried.
That we did.
Oh!
Meanwhile,
guess who I just talked to.
Stanley Richardson.
Really?
I had to call him
about another piece of business,
but we were talking
about you guys
and how excited Fox is
about your script.
Which can't happen.
Which can't happen.
But if something did happen,
Stanley said he'd be fine
with us working together on it.
How are you with that?
But nothing's gonna happen.
Exactly.
Well, if you want half
of nothing,
I'm sure it's all right.
Great!
Well, I'll call Kim
and give her the bad news.
Do you believe this?
I've got the only clients
who don't want a show picked up!
Aah!
Oh. Sorry about that.
Oh, please.
Don't give it another thought.
Have a good one, sweetie.
Bye-bye.
Robbie, can I have
my coconut water now,
or should I just
go fuck myself?!
Um... okay.
Wow!
That was so...
Is it okay to talk now?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, good.
That was great.
Have you seen my phone?
What?
Oh.
Oh, there it is.
Uh...
Hoo!
So, uh...
...you want
to do something?
What do you mean?
You know, like, maybe go out
for dinner or...
No.
Oh. Okay.
Maybe another night.
Anything else you want to do?
Want to get my car washed.
Oh.
Great.
Great.
Good idea
who wants a corn dog?
Nah.
That's okay.
Let me rephrase that.
I want a corn dog.
Daddy?
Yeah?
There's that lady
who mommy hates.
Well, that could be
a lot of people.
Oh, Jesus.
Uh, okay.
You know what?
Why don't you guys go play on
the massage chair at brookstone,
and I'll meet you there
in a little while, okay?
Okay!
Hurry.
I'll race you.
Seriously?
Oh, my God!
Hi!
What are you doing?
I'm here with my kids.
If Diane finds out you're still
doing this, I am totally fucked!
I'm not! I swear.
Right.
You're telling me
this is a coincidence?
Yeah. I guess sometimes
they really happen.
Come on.
I'm not stupid.
We've been here too many times.
I wasn't, really.
Labes!
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry.
I had to park on the street.
Can you believe these fuckers
are charging to park here now?
It's okay.
I just got here, too.
Hey.
Oh.
Joe, this is Matt.
Matt, Joe.
You're... wow.
Oh. Hey.
How do you guys...
Uh, so, back
when I was supposed to die,
Matt was
my make-a-wish wish.
No shit.
Yeah.
And we've stayed friends
ever since.
Yeah.
That's, uh...
Yeah.
Very cool.
I love your show.
Seriously?
"Pucks"?
What's "Pucks"?
Right. Uh...
Thank you.
So, you guys...
You're like...
Yeah.
We are like.
So, when did...
How did you...
Remember the last time
that I saw you?
Uh... yeah.
So, the next day,
I'm, like, in Starbucks.
And you know
how they call your name?
Well, this guy laughs...
Like it's funny.
Come on! "Labia"?
I thought you were
just fucking with them.
Yeah. So I'm like, "look,
sorry if it's not
as interesting as 'Joe.'"
it was on my cup.
Sure.
So, anyway, we got to talking,
and then...
I don't know...
we got to doing other stuff.
And we're still doing it.
So, how are you?
Are you well?
Yeah. I'm well.
Are you... well?
Yeah. I am.
I'm good.
It's healthy.
Oh.
We're "healthy"?
Yeah.
We're very healthy.
Okay.
Mm.
It's better
when you say it like that.
Well, anyway, we're gonna
go get tattoos, so...
It was nice meeting you.
Yeah.
Take care.
Yeah.
Uh... see you around.
Or not.
The kids.
I...
So, I spoke to Kim
about the script.
Of course, she's heartbroken.
But she's a big girl.
She gets it.
Well, thank her again for us.
If you want,
you can thank her yourself.
She'd love to take
you guys to lunch
before you fly home.
Really?
She just wants to meet you
and tell you
what a huge fan she is.
Uh...
Let me talk to bev
and see if she's up for it.
No pressure.
Let me know.
See if she's up for what?
That woman from Fox
wants to take us to lunch.
Didn't...
bup-bup-bup!
She totally gets
that she can't have our script.
Then why... she just wants to tell us
what a big fan she is.
Which we already know.
Thank you, woman from Fox.
Might be nice.
Free lunch.
Darling, I'd happily pay
for her Cobb Salad
if I didn't have to be there
when she eats it.
So that's a no, then?
It's a no,
with blue cheese on the side.
So, you're down to, what...
Twice a week with the seritaxyl?
Right.
Still experiencing
any unwanted, uh...
Erectile incidents?
Some.
Not as many.
Good. In that case,
we can probably stop
with the seritaxyl entirely
and start increasing
the limatran.
That one doesn't
make you horny, does it?
No.
In fact, quite the opposite.
Sometimes there's actually
a lessening of sexual interest.
Oh. Good.
From your lips to my dick.
Isn't this what you wanted...
for her to get over you?
Yeah. Sure.
But being dumped
by your stalker?
Come on, now.
You had a good run.
I guess.
It's just weird knowing I'll
probably never have another one.
You don't know that.
Nah.
That was it.
You think Harrison Ford's
still getting stalkers?
Or Warren beatty?
There's a window.
We lead very different lives.
You know, I've had
other stalkers, but...
Nothing like this.
This was 15 years.
I met her when she was a kid.
They grow up so fast.
No, seriously.
It's probably the longest
relationship of my life.
That's not disturbing at all.
All those years
I put up with her shit...
Now she decides it's over?
Oh, come on.
It's for the best.
You know it is.
Yeah, yeah.
But she's seemed
so... over me.
You know?
Like I was
just some... person.
I used to look into her eyes
and see the crazy.
Today...
Nothing.
It was like...
Like the light went out.
Now he doesn't even want
to have sex with me.
Never?
Nope.
He won't let me touch him.
He's distant.
He's moody.
Although from the sounds of it,
he was always distant and moody.
The only difference is,
now he's not fucking you over a desk.
I know.
What did I do?
Maybe I pushed too hard.
Did I push too hard?
All I did was ask him
if he wanted to have dinner.
Oh, you demanding bitch.
Well, then why?
Does it matter?
Just be thankful that it's over.
You really think it's over?
I hope so.
From everything you said,
he's emotionally detached...
Possibly a misogynist.
He wouldn't let you look at him
or talk to him
when you're having sex.
Listen, you can find
negative things
to say about anybody.
He covered your mouth
with his hand.
Not always!
Fine!
Oh, God.
Why does this
keep happening to me?
Am I ever gonna be happy?
Yes.
Really?
I don't know.
I...
I always just assumed
that, one day,
I'd end up with some great guy
who's not married
and not fucked up.
But what if this is it?
What if this isn't the shit
I have to go through
to get to the good part?
What if this is the good part?
What's the matter?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm sure it's just this,
but...
...you're making me very sad.
Oh, my God.
My life is making you cry?
Oh, my God!
Oh, no, no.
No, don't you start!
I'm sorry!
No.
No, I'm sorry!
No! I'm sorry!
Is... is there any more
of that chicken-raisin-cookie
shit?
Oh, there's tons.
Oh.
I'm afraid it's a no on lunch.
Aw. Really?
Bev just isn't up for it.
We've got a lot to do.
Starting to pack and whatnot.
Gotcha.
Well, that's fine.
Unless you want to do it
without her.
Oh.
Um...
I don't think so.
It feels a little weird.
Sweetie, it's a sandwich,
not a blow job.
Although she really wants
that script.
Right.
And you'll love Kim.
She used to run Comedy Central,
so you know she's funny.
Uh-huh.
Look, it's your call.
Just think about it.
Oh, there she is!
Hi, sweetie!
Hello.
Mwah! Mwah!
Kim Sally, as promised,
this is Sean Lincoln.
Hello.
Oh. Please.
Actually, do it again.
No, no.
Okay, all right.
Let's take a seat.
Oh, I'm so sorry
we're this late.
There was crazy traffic,
as per usual in this town.
Really, that's I guess
my program
to be as late as we were.
Let's run it again, okay?
Mm-hmm.
I go to kick you in the head.
Yeah.
You duck under my leg...
Right.
...grab the leg...
Yeah.
...then kick my other leg
out from under me.
Okay. Got it.
Let's do it.
You don't need to mark it again?
No, no, no. I'm good.
Let's go.
Okay. On 3.
1...2...
Wait.
Is it on 3...
You're shitting me.
You're sure?
This is awesome!
Well, let me know.
Good news?
You know that guy who got
my part in the NBC pilot?
Ah.
Anthony Pawner Smith.
Just had a kickboxing accident.
Paralyzed!
Oh, my God.
Temporarily,
but long enough
that he can't do the pilot.
The man is paralyzed.
Temporarily!
Jesus!
Be happy for me for once!
We are back, baby!