Entourage (2004–2011): Season 7, Episode 1 - Stunted - full transcript

♪ Oooh! ♪

♪ Yeah yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, my mind
had been enabled ♪

♪ In the memory
you overflow ♪

♪ I wanna be
your superhero ♪

♪ Even if I tumble, fall ♪

♪ I'm okay ♪

♪ But I need you desperately ♪

♪ You know I need you
desperately ♪

♪ I wanna be
your superhero ♪



♪ Yeah, oh yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah. ♪

2:00 PM, Burbank,

flight 230, American.

All right, good deal.
I'll have a girl there.

You want Rachel?
Yeah, Rachel will be there, I guarantee it.

Thanks.
You are wanted.

- Why wouldn't I be?
- Go.

- Going.
- Abby, don't hate me. You're going to Reseda.

- I love Reseda.
- Sarah, I need you on the phone.

- What?! Where's the guy that does that?
- I fired him.

- He stole Vince's MTV Award.
- Oh.

- I'll replace him. Just do it for me today?
- Sure.

- And where the hell is Alex?
- I don't know.



- Girl: I'm here, I'm here!
- You're late.

You're late again.

LA is so confusing.

You have a nav system.

You rely too much on those, Turtle,
your brain turns to mush.

You can't even find
your way home.

Looks like you can't even
find your shirt.

Turtle, it's okay.
She can wear mine.

- Alex: Yeah?
- Yeah yeah.

See? We're all good.
Just turn around.

- And don't peek, Turtle.
- I'm not peeking.

- Okay, where am I going?
- LAX.

- But first you take me by Vince's set.
- Hey!

♪ She taste like midnight ♪

♪ She taste like wine ♪

♪ She taste like midnight ♪

♪ She taste like wine ♪

♪ Gonna run my finger ♪

- ♪ All down her spine... ♪
- All right, send him.

- Ed, go!
- Send him, send him.

Oh, is this where they
light him on fire?

- Yup.
- Nice.

♪ Gonna spread you
like butter ♪

♪ Gimme all of my bread ♪

♪ Don't want no other ♪

- ♪ Get into my bed... ♪
- Jesus.

Don't worry, Turtle.
I'm fine.

Director: Cut!

- Uh...
Pyro resets!

- What's his problem?
- Who knows?

- It looked good to me.
- Crewman: All right, get her, boys.

Time to reload.

- Hey.
- Yo yo! What's up?

- How're you doing?
- Good. You wanted to see me?

Yeah yeah, you remember
Chuckie the producer, right?

How are you doing?
Good to see you.

- Everything all right?
- Yeah yeah. Chuck?

Vince, check yourself out.

- Oh wow, awesome.
- Right?

Now watch this.

- Vince: Oh, not so good.
- Terrible!

- Guess we can't use that.
- No, we can't.

So do we get
another double or?

We can get another double,
but it'll still be shit.

Not gonna look like you.

So what, you wanna
light me on fire?

- De Niro would do it.
- Look, this is an important movie for me.

Yeah, for me also.

I don't want to bullshit the audience.
They're very smart.

So you do want
to light me on fire?

I don't want to light you on fire.
This scene's fine.

The wide shot looks great.
But we do have a big chase scene coming up.

And I want you to do the stunt.
Not the stuntman.

You... driving that car.

I want the audience
to look at you and go,

"God damn, that motherfucker
is a badass. "

Because if they don't, because if it looks fake,
the movie's gonna suck, Vince.

And you're gonna wind up
coming off like...

- Like a pussy.
... like a pussy.

You don't want to look
like a pussy, do you?

This is really good.

And everybody knows Johnny Drama
likes a good piece of meat.

Hey, don't get fresh.
Vince, you want a burger?

No, thank you. But, Turtle, see if you
can get E on the phone.

Everything all right?

Call me.

Why didn't you
just say no?

Vince: He was so passionate
I didn't know how to.

He basically said the movie
will suck if I don't do it.

That's ridiculous.
I mean, he should have brought that up

in preproduction,
or when they were making your deal.

For him to try and pressure you
into doing it now is just stupid.

You know, I did the fall down the steps
myself in "My So-Called Life. "

- It was very liberating.
- And your brain hasn't worked right since.

All right, E, I told Nick
I'd do it, so what now?

Don't worry.
I'll take care of it.

You better! Because if something happens
to Vince, we're all fucked.

Actually only Drama is,
since he's the only one unemployed.

My time is coming, driver.
In fact, I'm gonna see Yagoda today

to see what show
the network's ready to put me in.

- You coming with?
- No.

- Turtle.
- Why not?

Go with him.
He's nervous.

- Fine.
- Let me go too so I can take care of this.

Staff meeting
is in 10 minutes.

But, E, don't make me look
like I'm not a team player.

Don't worry, you won't.
I gotta go.

Hey, Jennie, will you get Ari for me, please?

Jessica Simpson wants
to come in for some TLC.

Says she's not
feeling the love.

I think she's been down
since her dog got eaten.

That was like
eight months ago, right?

- So show her the love.
- She wants you.

And so does Ryan Reynolds.
He says he thinks

you're not speaking to him
because you no longer show up for poker.

Okay, stop stop stop stop!

Raj, go buy Jessica
a new cockapoo.

And, Steph, tell Ryan the reason
I don't have time to play poker

is because I spend my life
in here being bored to death

by you people, all right?

This is now the biggest
agency in the world.

And I'm the head of it.

Which makes me the biggest
agent in the world.

Now can anyone tell me
why I chose

to be the biggest agent
in the world?

It's so I can stop being
a fucking agent!

So don't tell me
to show the love.

That's what I pay
you people for.

All right, so somebody
give me something big.

Anybody, please.

Jesus Christ, you all suck.

If I didn't have a five-year lease
on this place, I'd shut it down

and work out
of a cardboard box by myself.

I just read the NFL
is getting ready to resell the TV rights.

- I think they could use you.
- Everyone could use me.

- Who are you?
- Jake Steinberg.

- I used to be on your desk.
- What happened?

- You threw me off.
- You're back on.

- Throw the guy off who's on there now.
- Seriously?

- Mm-hmm. That's him.
- Ari!

Eric Murphy's on the phone
for you, says it's urgent.

Somebody find out why we're
not selling the NFL rights.

- They do it internally.
- They shouldn't,

so somebody
get me a meeting.

E! Long time no hear.
You married yet?

October, Ari.
I assume you'll be there.

Listen, can I keep the little groom
from the top of the cake

just in case Sloan never lets
you out of the house again?

I can carry you around
in my pocket like I always dreamed of.

I can shove it up your ass too.
I bet you'd love that.

Feisty, E. Are your impending nuptials
making you tense?

No, not at all.
I actually feel great about it.

That's natural.
It'll pass.

Oh, come on, Ari.
You're the perfect picture of marital bliss.

Like a hostage
with a machete to his neck,

you have to put
on a good face for the camera.

- You're all talk.
- Yeah, maybe.

- What's up?
- Nick Cassavetes.

What about him?

He wants Vince to do
his own stunt.

He comes from a family
of method actors.

They'll eat glass if it's in the script.
Tell him no.

He already said
he would do it.

He wants to do it?

- He wants to be a team player.
- Jesus Christ.

- You represent the guy.
- I represent everyone now, Eric.

- Can you take care of this or not?
- I can do anything.

- Will you take care of this?
- Fine, all right.

Try Nick Cassavetes.

And did anyone get a meeting
with the goddamned NFL yet?

- Hey, Phil, how are ya?
- I'm good.

I'm good, John.
How are you?

A little anxious,
to be honest,

since you wanted
to see me face to face.

Let's smoke up, John.

- Smoke up? In here?
- Yeah yeah, eh, fuck it.

You're anxious.
It's medicinal.

Smoke up and you'll be
anxious no more.

Okay.

So is this a celebratory
smoke, Phil?

Afraid not, John.

Really?

- Have a drink, John.
- Phil, I don't need a drink. I need a job.

- Drink drink, come on.
- You must have something for me.

Afraid not.

I don't understand.
You have three shows you're ready to make.

I'm ready to produce them.

The network's not ready
to make them.

None of them?

Well, you know.
Sit down, sit down, come on.

But "The Fall Guy" remake
could be awesome!

We get Minka Kelly
for the Heather Thomas part...

It's not gonna happen.

Jesus.
So now what?

Well, you got eight weeks
left on your deal.

We have to find something
before it runs out.

Find it where?

I'm reading everything
that I can get my hands on.

- But you gotta do your part.
- What can I do?

Talk to your agent.

You put on a full-court press
and do it fast.

Alex, you go to the airport
at least twice a week.

I don't understand
how you can get lost.

There was traffic on the freeway so I got off
and tried to take the side streets.

And then this creepy looking
cholo started following me

and he freaked me out
so I turned off.

Not every guy that drives
by you is following you.

He didn't just
drive by me, Turtle.

He rolled his window down and said,
"Hey, baby, pull over. Let's fuck. "

- Where are you now?
- I don't know.

Oh... oh, wait! I see a sign.
I got it, I got it.

- We're all good.
- Okay, good.

Oh come on, let me in, you cocksucker!

- I gotta focus, Turtle. Bye.
- Bye.

- How'd it go?
- I got eight weeks till I'm homeless.

- What's your problem?
- Nothing.

- That Alex driver again?
- Yeah.

- You gotta get rid of her.
- Yeah.

- Yeah what?
- Yeah, I gotta get rid of her.

This is your business, Turtle.
Stop thinking with your dick.

Worry about your own
business, all right?

Oh, I am. And wait till you see
how I handle it.

You were supposed to meet me
at the school, Ari.

I know, baby, but I got
something that I can't get out of.

What am I gonna tell
your son's teacher?

Tell her that I got something
that I can't get out of.

I thought you said at this new agency there'd
always be someone to cover for you.

Even with a million-man army

sometimes you gotta do
the grunt work yourself.

Saddam Hussein had to hang a few
without assistance, no?

I like it when we do
these things together.

Tell the school
that when they schedule

a parent-teacher conference
for 2:30 on a weekday

that's just their way of saying
"We don't care about Daddy. "

If I get her to change it
to tomorrow, will you be there?

With bells on.
Kisses, baby.

Goodbye.

Man: You gotta hit this thing
somewhere between a 30° and a 50° angle.

Anything more, anything less
and you got problems.

What kind of problems?

Big problems,
you understand?

- Ari!
- Vinnie!

- Would you excuse me for a moment?
- Yeah yeah.

Ari, I'm so happy to see you.
They got me looking at models over here.

Not to worry. I'm going to take care of what
your little man couldn't, all right?

- This gonna be a huge problem?
- No, not at all.

Listen, don't worry.
Where's Nick?

- He's over by his trailer.
- All right.

Ari, don't make me look bad.

Have I ever?

♪ You know, I'd like
to meet you, baby... ♪

- I bet 2,000.
- Fuck you. I'm all in.

♪ That's where
she wants to go... ♪

Oh God.
Deal me out.

- Hello, Ari.
- What, no call back?

I know, I know.
Look, Vince wants to do the stunt.

I don't want him to.

Well, you're my agent also
and that's what I want.

Nick, it's not gonna happen.
I'm shutting it down.

- You are?
- That's right.

- And how are you doing that?
- By telling you not to do it.

You'd better be careful, Ari.
I'm not fucking Chad McQueen.

I can't believe that the studio's not
concerned about this thing.

How are they even
insuring it?

They don't know?
Are you out of your fucking mind?

Listen, Ari,
you tell the studio

and I'll break your fucking head.
How about that?

- Have a nice day.
- All right.

I mean it, Ari.

- How is everything?
- Excellent.

- Great as always, Stefan.
- Thank you.

I don't want to go
back to work.

Can't we just fantasize
about Greece over dessert?

- I'd love to, but I have to go back to work.
- I know you do.

Thanks for taking the time
out of your busy day for me.

Every chance I get.

It's Ari.
Hello.

Call the studio.
Tell them that you're concerned

that Nick will kill your client.
All will be well.

But make sure that it doesn't
come from me or I will kill you.

You know, Ari, for the most
powerful agent in the world,

sometimes you're
a real pussy.

I will read
every single script

that comes through this door, Johnny Drama.
That is a promise!

Hundreds of scripts must
come through here every day.

I'm like Evelyn Wood.
I just speed-read right through them.

Yet we haven't found one
that the studio will make.

You're not
blaming that on me?

This is my livelihood, Lloyd,
and my dream.

You don't think
I know that?

You're just one man, Lloyd.

- I need a team.
- A team?

Team Drama.

It's Alex again.
I'm sorry, I've got to take this.

- What happened now?
- Johnny.

What's really
going on here?

I got eight weeks to get a show,
so I want a team assigned to me,

a team whose sole purpose
is to focus on finding me this show.

I don't have
the manpower for that.

I thought this was the biggest
agency in the world.

I'm not authorized
to provide that.

Then I need to speak
to the man that is.

Alex lost the car. I gotta go to the airport.
You wanna give me a ride?

- No, I'm meeting Ari.
- Later.

- But get rid of her!
- Johnny!

- Ari's not here.
- Who's that then?

Hey, Ari,
could I have a word?

- With who?
- With you.

Uh, you have an agent.

- He's not delivering me what I need.
- No? What do you need?

He wants a team, Ari.

- You want a team?
- Yeah.

You mean like how
Brad Pitt has a team?

Well, yeah. If I get
the right show on the air,

I can be worth as much
as Brad Pitt.

Look at Kiefer.

Ari, you know how hard
I've worked to get to this point

and I'm right there.
I just need you to care. Please.

I do care, Drama, that's why
I'm still standing here.

- You do not need a team.
- A greenlit show

with me as the lead,
it'll change my life.

Why doesn't he have
a greenlit show, Lloyd?

The network hasn't found
a script they like yet.

They haven't found a script they like or they
haven't found a script they like for him?

- Well...
- Drama: What does that mean?

It means they're still making shows, right?
They're not out of business.

- So are you giving it to him straight?
- Giving me what straight?

Maybe they don't want to
make a show with you, Drama.

They gave me a holding deal.

The guy who grills my hot dog at Carney's
had a holding deal in 1978.

Phil says we just need a script.
You think he's lying?

I don't know who Phil is,
but I think he might be, yeah.

- Lloyd, what's the truth?
- Don't go crazy, Johnny.

- What?
- They're making "The Fall Guy. "

You're kidding me.
Phil told me they weren't making that show.

I'm so sorry, Drama,
but they are.

- Just maybe not with you.
- With who then?

Dean Cain.

Dean Cain, Jesus Christ.

Look, just let the deal run out, all right?
Something will come along.

- Don't worry about it.
- I want my own show, Ari.

They promised me that.

I don't think even I can
make that happen, Drama.

I'm sorry.

Wow. I mean, you really think
Ari told the studio?

- Fucking piece of shit.
- I just can't believe he'd go against both of us.

What a shock, huh?
It looks good, Mikey. Thank you.

Well, I guess we'll go
back to using a double.

Vince, you're a big boy.
You want to do the stunt, you do it.

- You got all the power.
- I don't know.

Come on, the studio wants you
for three movies right now.

You do what you want.
You just gotta put your foot down.

Yeah, except...

When Sean Penn wanted to do
"She's So Lovely" with me,

he wanted to jump through
a plate-glass fucking window.

Not with fucking fake glass.
Real fucking glass.

You think the studio
wanted him to do it?

You think the insurance companies
weren't going crazy?

Sean basically had to quit
the film to get what he wanted.

- And you know what?
- He did it?

He did it.
Goddamn right.

Sean's no bitch.

- Does anything look vaguely familiar?
- Mmm, not really.

- How far did you walk to get to the stairs?
- I took the elevator.

- How many floors down?
- I don't remember!

- Stop grilling me.
- Turtle, give her a break.

I don't understand
how anyone could lose a car.

I'm sorry, Turtle.
It's not like I'm an idiot.

- I just have a ton on my mind.
- Turtle: Don't cry.

- Well, you're yelling at me.
- I'm not yelling.

Stop stop stop, there it is.
There it is.

- All right, you're going to Santa Monica, okay?
- Yes, sir.

- I'm really sorry.
- For the third time today, Alex.

It's just my parents
are getting divorced, okay?

Oh, I'm really sorry.

No no, I'm sorry.

It's not an excuse,
but I've been distracted.

And I haven't told
anyone till you,

because honestly,
I still can't even believe it.

I mean, I know divorce
is common and all,

but my father was like
the perfect dad, you know?

Only it turns out that he wasn't.

Hey, come on, don't cry.

Come on, don't cry.
Come here.

It's gonna be okay.

All right?

- What the hell are you doing?
- Nothing.

I don't know.
I just thought we had a moment.

What moment?
I tell you my parents

are getting divorced
and you try to kiss me.

Yes, I'm really sorry.
I totally misread the situation.

- I thought we had a vibe.
- Let's just, uh...

let's just get out of here.

I, um, I think I shouldn't
work for you anymore.

Come on, Alex,
don't quit because of me.

It's a really good job
and you're really good at it.

I'm not really.

I know you wish
you could have fired me lots of times.

But now I know
why you didn't.

- It's not like that.
- Oh no?

What is it like?

Take it easy, John.

Why didn't you just tell me they didn't want
to make a show with me?

- Because they do want to make a show with you.
- I mean, Jesus Christ.

They gave me a deal,
a couple bucks

to keep me off the market
and then nothing.

This is all because they're
making "The Fall Guy"?

- You told me they weren't making it.
- No, I did not.

- I said it wasn't happening with you.
- Why not?

They want someone...

prettier.

Dean Cain
is prettier than me?

Hello?

You're specific, John,
and that's a good thing.

It means when we find the right thing,
it'll be special.

- And it will pop.
- My team doesn't think so.

My team doesn't think the network's
ever going to make a show with me.

They're fucking agents, John!
They don't believe in extra work.

You just keep pushing.
You just keep believing in yourself.

I do.

Fucking Ari.

It doesn't matter if Sean Penn
does his own stunts, Vince.

It doesn't mean
that you should.

Tom Cruise in
"Knight and Day" also.

I've wasted too much of my day
on this already, Vinnie.

First you want out,
then you want in.

Which is it? I got dinner with the wife...
she's gonna cut my balls off.

I hate Ari, bro!

Oh hey, Ari.

Hey, dickhead.
What's the beef?

No beef.

I just wish you would put as much effort
into my career as you do your own.

That sounds reasonable.

- Be nice, Ari.
- I will be.

But right now I'm worried
about you.

Why, what's wrong with Vince?
You all right?

- He's thinking about doing the stunt.
- Come on.

- What?!
- Nothing. I just don't see it.

You know Will Smith did all
his own stunts on "Hancock"?

Will's an athlete, bro.
I bowled with him.

Jesus Christ, what are we doing?
I got dinner.

- Yo.
Yo.

Yo, did you fire
that broad yet?

- No, actually she quit.
- Really?

Impressive.
How'd you pull that off?

- It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it.
- Awww, he's sad.

- He totally likes her.
- Who gives a shit?

- Vinnie, what are we doing?
- Turtle,

I think I'm going
to do the stunt myself.

- Come on.
- Wow.

You all think
I'm such a pussy.

All right, I'm gonna call
the studio and tell them I'm doing it.

Vince, you're gonna do
the stunt for what?

So these guys don't
think you're a pussy?

No, I'm gonna do it
so I stop feeling like one.

- Full loads?
- Yeah.

Good.
Good good.

This is not a rehearsal!
We got one shot at this.

- I'm sorry, baby.
- I changed this to today for you.

- I'm gonna make it up to you.
- How?!

I'm gonna take you away
for the weekend.

I'll get a plane.
We'll go to Cabo.

We'll stay at Meldman's. I'm gonna get
you a nice lobster from Edith's.

- Really?
- No, not really.

I got the company retreat this weekend.
I totally forgot.

Hello?
Hello?

You all right?
- My hand's shaking a little,

but I'll be okay.
What's the worst that could happen?

Vic Morrow got his head
chopped off by a helicopter.

- Brandon Lee got shot with squibs.
Idiots.

- Good talk.
- Nick: You nervous?

No.

Well, a little.

All right. I'm operating the camera,
so we're in this together.

- What do you mean?
- I'm gonna be in there with you, brother.

Not too late
to call it off.

Are you kidding me?
That'd be humiliating.

The guy's got "Extra" and "Entertainment
Tonight" here just to see this.

- And he's doing the stunt with me.
- Really?

Yeah, it'll be fine.

"ET"'s here?

Hey, scumbag, you see
the trades today?

- Ari: Not yet.
- Check toward the back.

You guys should check it out.
It concerns you too.

Where'd you get that?

Google images.
Payback's a bitch, Ari.

Back when you were on the sauce,
you would have tried to fuck it!

- You ready?
- Yeah, we're ready.

- What do we got?
- Vehicle's ready.

Vincent's got it
down cold.

All we gotta do is get you in,
get a camera on you,

roll it,
take a shot at it.

- Piece of cake, right?
- Yep.

Let us pray.

Remember, Vince, the worst thing you
could do is hesitate.

- Get on this bad boy and go.
- Got it.

The accelerator is your friend.
Trust your steering.

- As soon as you land the jump...
- Cut to the right and brake.

That's right.
I'll be communicating with you by walkie.

All right.

- I'm ready.
- Nick, you okay?

- Let's do it.
- Ready!

- Do this!
- Okay, action!

Camera.

Vince: It won't brake.
It won't brake!

All:
Oh shit!

Get that fire out!

Fire team 2, go go go!

Hey, guys, get in there!

Hold on. Just let them
put out the fire.

Just hold on, guys. Just wait a second.
Let them do their jobs.

Okay okay.

- All right, he's out.
- Oh God.

- You okay, bro?
- Yeah.

I don't know, I...
I think so.

- Does anything hurt?
- No.

Ari: I saw my life flash
before my eyes.

I didn't. I just saw Ma.
She was really pissed.

- You all right...
- Guys!

- I think I'm okay.
- Drama: You could have internal bleeding.

He actually looks okay.
His vitals are fine.

I'm actually okay too,
if anybody gives a shit.

- I don't give a shit.
- Vince: Nick!

I'm sorry.
I screwed it up.

You all right?

I gotta tell you,
that shit looked sick.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

'Cause if you're not sure,
I'm ready to go again.

Seriously.

♪ Uh uh uh ♪

- Prepared for liftoff.
- ♪ Myself, lord and master ♪

♪ Shall bring disaster
to evil factors ♪

♪ Demonic chapters shall
be captured by kings ♪

♪ Through the storms
of days after ♪

♪ And to the earth from the sun
through triple darkness ♪

♪ To blast ya with a force
that can't be compared ♪

♪ To any firepower,
for it's mindpower shared ♪

♪ The brainwave causes
vessels to circulate ♪

♪ Like constellations reflect
at night off the lake ♪

♪ Word to the Father
and Mother Earth ♪

♪ Seeking everlasting life
through this hell for what it's worth ♪

♪ Look, listen and observe ♪

♪ And watch another sea cycle
for pulling my peeps to the curb ♪

♪ Heed the words, it's like
ghetto-style proverbs ♪

♪ The righteous men sacrifice
to get what they deserve ♪

♪ Cannot afford to be
confined to a cell ♪

♪ Brainwaves swell,
turning a desert to a well ♪

♪ Experience the best teacher ♪

♪ Thoughts will spring
like street-sweepers ♪

♪ Little daddy street preacher ♪

♪ Illustrious feature,
narrator you select ♪

♪ Accompanied by Deck,
plus the DJ you respect ♪

♪ The seven and a half combined
over the frontline ♪

♪ The 10 percenters,
promotin' slander in the airtime ♪

♪ Bear in mind, jewels be
the tools of the trade. ♪