Entourage (2004–2011): Season 6, Episode 11 - Scared Straight - full transcript

I have no idea what I'm doing
out of the house right now.

You're gonna have one drink,
Johnny, relax.

Better make it a fast one.
I need my beauty sleep for tomorrow.

You needed to start
sleeping years ago

if you were gonna have any shot
at being beautiful, Drama.

Why can't you ever
just be supportive?

- Sorry, I'm just being funny.
- Well, you're not.

Tomorrow's audition
is the most important of my life.

- I apologize.
- I don't accept.

He's sad Jamie's
leaving, Johnny.

Why isn't he with her
instead of here abusing me?



'Cause she's at a meet and greet
with her new cast mates

- and I'm gonna go sleep there later.
- Well, la-di-da.

That's Jamie,
she's done early. I'm out.

- Shut up.
- It's her last night.

- Okay okay.
- No tears, pussy.

- Later.
- Later.

Hey, Johnny, if you want to go too,
I understand. I can just roll with E.

It looks like his dance card
is already filled, bro.

Wow, E making out
in public.

That's something I never
thought I'd see.

- I think I know that broad.
- Really?

- Yo, E, what's up?
- Hey, what's up?

- Hey, Tara.
- Oh, hey, Johnny.

- How are you?
- Good. How you doing?



- I'm good.
- You guys know each other?

- Oh yeah.
- How do you know each other?

- Drama: Calm down, E.
- I can't calm down.

- When were you with her?
- When were you?

- Last week.
- Ha, I beat you by four months.

- I'm sick.
- E, I've had most of this town.

It was bound to happen
that our trees

would dabble in the
same forest at some point.

I figured it would happen with Vince
at some point, not you.

- Hey, we're still young.
- God, I'm nauseous.

- Now you're insulting me, E.
- Yeah, and lighten up.

Four months was
a long time ago.

This girl wasn't
for you anyway.

- Why not?
- 'Cause she's real slutty.

Let's roll.

What do you mean,
she's real slutty?

She might have
given me something.

- Shut up!
- I can't be sure.

I was on a real hot streak
when it happened,

but she was
the prime suspect.

- Are you joking?
- Relax, E, you'll be fine.

- Yeah, you covered up, right?
- Yeah.

Did you?

I said yeah.

You twitched.

The classic
no-condom tell.

- You didn't wear a bag?
- I didn't have one.

She told me
she was on the pill.

- Oh, E, rookie mistake.
- I've got to go home and take a shower.

I'd pick up some Clorox
if I was you.

Tomorrow morning I'm waking up
and I'm calling my doctor first thing.

Looks like we both need
a little Irish luck tomorrow.

- Good morning, Mr. Gold.
- Who are you?

Matt Wahlberg.
H.R. Sent me up.

They said you were
unhappy with your assistant.

I've been unhappy with
the last three they sent.

I got you a blueberry bran muffin
from the Belwood Bakery.

I was told
it was your favorite.

It is.

Except this is cranberry.

- What?
- See the red berries?

Um, I asked for blue.

- Did you check?
- No.

- Bye, Matt.
- So back to Human Resources?

Back to the Iowa farmhouse
that breastfed you till 15.

- Running a little late, Ari?
- Oh, Jesus!

Terrance, what the hell
are you doing here?

Perhaps it's budgetary cuts.

There was no one
minding your desk.

Perhaps I should have security escort
you out the way yours did me.

- I suppose you could do that.
- What do you want?

- I have some business I'd like to discuss.
- At your age?

Shouldn't you have more
important concerns?

Like finding an
assisted-living facility?

Listen, I've got to tell you,
Ari, this place...

I mean, it's amazing.

I can't believe how quickly
you've gotten back on your feet.

I'm more than back
on my feet,

I'm towering over you.

Ah, Ari, still the same
snippy little boy.

Terrance, if you have
business to discuss,

start discussing, 'cause I'm busy
with my own business.

Obviously I need this
to be discreet.

What, you want a merger?

- Your star pupil walks out on you...
- I want you to buy me out.

Why would I want to?

Obviously that's up
to you to decide.

I'm putting it
out there to you first

before I'm offering it
to anyone else.

Why am I
so fortunate?

I just want a simple deal,
minimum hassles.

Now if you're interested,
we could go there.

If not, then all right,
so be it.

Well then, I'll go.

How much?

- 100.
- Come on.

I know your business inside and out.
That's ridiculous.

I don't think it is.

Our backend on "Seinfeld"
and "Friends" alone

will keep you in green
for decades.

- You just think about it.
- I just did.

If you change your mind,
you know where I am.

Clubbing baby seals
somewhere?

You've got 24 hours.

24... fuck it.
Llo...

Jamie: I'm downloading you the new
Empire of the Sun album.

I thought you were
picking songs for you.

I started to,
but I gave up

when I came across
your Boyz II Men collection.

Drama must have put
that on my computer.

- Oh, yeah yeah.
- Whatever. I do have a sensitive side.

- I know.
- Now let's go.

Your last meal is ready.
Spaghetti Bolognese from Madeo,

spicy tuna rolls
from Katsuya

and lobster mash
from Mastro's.

Interesting combo
for 11:00 A.M.

- I wanted it to be special.
- It is.

I don't want to leave.

You may not be able to
if you don't finish packing.

Seriously,
I don't feel ready.

We haven't even talked about us
and how we're gonna handle this.

We're gonna talk
on the phone 10 times a day

- and I'm gonna come visit.
- You think it's that easy?

I know it is.

Now can we please put the computer away
and enjoy 3500 calories?

Yes. One sec. I just want to check
if my flight's on time.

- All right.
- What's this?

What?

It says you've got
a new Facebook friend.

Oh yeah?

The girl from U.C.L. A?

Drama:
"Let's get those brews on ice. "

"Let's get
those brews on ice. "

Oh, you've got
no shot, Drama.

Yo, Faustino.
What up?

Nada, just testing
on a new pilot.

- Annihilated it.
- Nice nice.

What about you?
What are you doing?

Testing for
the new "Melrose. "

Didn't they throw you
off that thing once?

Yeah well,
it's a new day.

- Bad ass.
- Yeah.

- So how you feeling about it?
- Confident.

- I got this down cold.
- Nice.

- Johnny.
- Hey, Phil.

- Rock it, man.
- Later, bro.

- Hey, guys.
- You ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.
You guys ready?

Absolutely. We're just waiting
for the director.

- Cool.
- There he is.

- He's directing?
- Yeah, you know him?

- Uh-huh.
- Great. Awesome. I'll see you inside.

Doctor: How many sexual partners
have you had?

I'm just worried about
this one in particular.

I still need to get a general idea
of your history.

I don't know,
the normal amount.

Multiple partners.
Any group sex?

- Is this really relevant?
- Yes.

Uh, I had a threesome once
with two girls.

- Ever given anal sex?
- I tried once. No.

- Ever received?
- No!

- Do you use protection?
- Usually.

Not this time,
obviously.

And this partner told you

that she may
have something?

Well, no, but a friend
of mine who was with her

thinks she may have
given him something.

- Oh.
- Yeah, tell me about it.

Well, we're still gonna
need to get a swab.

What are you gonna do
with that thing?

Exactly what you're
hoping I won't do.

If you're leaving for four months
it's silly to go out now.

- I'll be back.
- Let's go.

- How was it?
- I feel violated.

I'll call you.

Of course we want it,
if we can get it at the right price.

But 100 sounds
ridiculous.

It's beyond ridiculous.
But if we can pull this off...

We're the largest
agency in the world.

- Music, publishing, sports.
- It's got a nice ring to it.

Not for 100,
it doesn't.

The question is
what's his real price?

The question is why
is he coming to you first?

Says we can make
an easy deal.

You two hate each other!
That doesn't sound very easy.

- No, it doesn't.
- I worked for Terrance for 14 years.

He doesn't like easy.
He likes a fight.

So he's trying to make
Ari look stupid.

- I didn't say that.
- No, I did.

He won't. You just tell me
if we want this.

Not for 100,
we don't.

Hi, Mr. Gold.
I'm Jake Steinberg.

H.R. Sent me up to replace
your last assistant.

I don't care.
Get me Eddie Kapowski on the phone.

Any relation to Kelly Kapowski?
You know, "Saved by the Bell. "

You're finished.
Go.

You're fucking fired.

Kapowski here.

It's Ari.
I got a gig for you.

Talk to me.

I need you to find every
piece of current information

on Terrance McQuewick.

Sorry, Ari.
No can do.

- I've got a conflict.
- What kind of conflict?

- I can't say.
- Does it involve me?

What do you mean?

Is that son of a bitch looking
at me for some reason?

Ari.

- Are you?
- Ari.

- Would you do that?
- No, I wouldn't.

How would I know
if you're lying to me?

You wouldn't.
But I'm not.

- Where are you?
- I'm not wherever you are, so relax.

Eddie, I have given you tons
of business over the years.

I want one answer.

Has Terrance McQuewick
hired you to look at me?

No, Ari.
Terrance hasn't hired me to do anything.

But that's all I can tell you, all right?
I'm sorry.

- I think you're overreacting.
- Oh, you do?

It was a harmless
little click of the mouse.

Do you know how many people
request to be my friend?

- I don't accept them all.
- I didn't want to be rude.

This is really convenient timing though,
wouldn't you say?

No, it's terrible timing, 'cause now
you're gonna leave all upset.

Sorry for your guilt.

Jamie, please.
This is hard enough already.

Can you please just trust me
and forget about it?

I know I'm forgetting
something.

You have everything. I looked under
the bed. I opened every drawer.

I just want to make sure
you and I are okay.

- Then delete her.
- Delete her?

Yeah, take her off
your friends list.

Done.
Feel better?

Not really.

- Jamie, come on.
- Do you want me to go?

No, I don't want
you to go.

But this is gonna be
a great opportunity.

It's gonna be
amazing for you.

I'm really gonna miss you.

Baby, no.
Don't cry.

I'll be waiting right here
for you when you get back.

Lloyd: Johnny,
you're making yourself crazy.

No, they're making me crazy.
This was a setup.

- No, it wasn't.
- Why didn't you know about this?

Why didn't you prepare me?

Why didn't you tell me
I had a conflict with the director?

I can't keep track of all
your conflicts, Johnny.

- This guy's an animal.
- Charm him with your winning smile.

Mr. Chase,
they're ready for you.

Great, they're ready.

Johnny Drama,
this is your moment.

Now step up and shine bright
for all the world to see.

I got to go.

Break a leg.

- Johnny Chase, everyone.
- Okay.

- Hey, everyone.
- Sorry to keep you waiting, Johnny.

- Technical problems with the camera.
- That's okay.

Just as long as you
weren't freezing me out

'cause this guy is
still mad at me.

Why would he be
mad at you?

Last time John auditioned
for me one of my colleagues

kept checking his email.
John got a little upset.

Yeah, but it's okay now.
You can talk in the middle of my audition.

You can scream and yell... whatever.
Nothing fazes me anymore.

That's good, Johnny,
'cause we don't want to try and faze you.

Just relax. Everybody here is hoping
that you're the guy.

In fact, I'm gonna turn
this off right now

so there's nothing
to distract you, okay?

- Thank you.
- You're welcome. Let's do this.

Okay, let's do it.

Two seconds.

Here we go.

All right, gentlemen.
Let's do this. Oh!

I'm sorry.
I guess I'm here early. Nobody was...

That's okay, Dean.
We're just running a little behind.

- We'll be about five minutes.
- I'll just wait outside.

- Hey, Drama.
- Dean.

Good luck, man.
Sorry.

- Okay, here we go.
- He's testing too?

- I thought it was just me.
- Don't worry about Dean, John.

- Fucking Superman.
- Hey, you're gonna do great.

It's yourjob to lose.

Okay, let's do it.

God, I haven't auditioned
in like three years.

Do you guys mind if I
just step out for a second?

We're kind of
on a tight schedule.

- I'll be right back.
- Hey, John.

- That's a meltdown.
- Uh-huh.

Come on, Johnny, you've got
to get back in there.

Bro, I can't.
I think I'm having a heart attack.

Just take a deep breath. You know
you're only having a panic attack.

I've had 100 panic attacks in my life,
this isn't a panic attack.

- Johnny...
- Vince.

- Yes, Johnny?
- I think I peed myself.

Uh...

okay, Johnny,
I'm coming to get you.

Hurry, bro.

I've got to go.

Someone's running behind.

- I had a doctor's appointment.
- Oh, I didn't know.

- It was a last minute thing.
- Everything okay?

Yeah yeah. But if he calls,
just put it right through, please.

Sure. Here are your other messages.
Also, my friend Ricky called.

Hate to get involved, but I
think she kind of likes you.

- Oh, cool.
- So should I tell her you'll call her?

Yeah, I'm gonna be taking a break
from the dating pool for a while.

- Murphy Group, hey.
- What's up, Scott?

What's up, mama?
So I heard you had

a wild party night
at Villa.

Oh yeah?
How'd you hear that?

The girl that you were
sucking face with, Tara,

I know her... well, some friends
of mine actually know her.

- Well...
- I didn't hear anything.

- Scott.
- Yeah?

What do your friends
know about her?

Uh, she's not like your
girlfriend or anything?

She's not my girlfriend.
I don't even know the girl.

- Well, you know her a little bit.
- What do I know?

- I don't know. The same thing I know.
- What do you know?

That she keeps it moving, babe.
She gets around.

She gets around? Scott, what are
you saying? Have you been with her?

No, not my style.

- The girl's like a Petri dish.
- What do you know?

I know that Cliff Cantor
and Rick Salomon double teamed her

at a party a couple weeks ago,
which is not excellent for you.

- Jesus.
- Oh hey, listen.

You know what?
If you like her, you can change her.

A nice boy like you can
reform a girl like that.

- You got to get the doctor on the phone.
- Vince just called. He's on his way

- to the hospital with Drama.
- Why?

- He thinks Drama had a heart attack.
- Oh my God.

- They're on their way to Cedars.
- Text me where I'm going.

Melinda.
My love, how are you?

Ari Gold, long time.
What are you doing here?

I have a meeting. TV stuff, boring.
Funny running into you.

- I just saw your husband.
- Really?

Yeah, still not looking quite alive
enough to have gotten you.

Uh-huh. How was
your little reunion?

- There's still some bitterness there.
- I bet.

Yeah. So has he said
anything about that lately?

- Anything about what?
- Anything about our bitterness?

Uh, no, Ari. We don't talk
about you very often.

Oh, come on, Melinda.

You used to talk about me
very often before you met Terrance.

- What is this?
- What?

Did you come here
for a reason?

- Yes I did.
- Then speak.

Terrance came to me this morning,
as I'm sure you know,

because he would like
for me to buy him out.

I didn't know.

Yeah, that's great.
But I know you know.

I don't know anything, Ari.

Melinda, come on.
We had a moment of flirtation.

I'm sorry if you're bitter also
because I chose my wife over you.

But I represented your talent
pretty well for a long time.

Revisionist
history, Ari.

You chose your wife over me
'cause you couldn't get me.

And you represented me over her
'cause I had more talent.

Line up our resumes,
I think most would agree.

Melinda, I know how much
Terrance trusts you.

Now if you guys
want out, I'm in.

But I got you your first job,
so don't let me be played.

Honey, you know
you never get played.

And all I'll tell you
is this...

I'm no longer
on the inside.

Look up a 25-year-old
D- cup named Kelsey.

- Maybe she can help.
- What do you mean?

I mean my husband
is a lying scumbag

and I had no idea
he was trying to sell...

until right now.

So you hired
Eddie Kapowski?

I'm late for my
pole-dancing class, Ari.

I guess
I'm really going.

Yeah.

You're so strong.
No tears at all.

I'm a guy.
We don't cry.

Not even on
really sad occasions?

I'm crying on the inside.

Turtle, I've been
thinking a lot about

this whole separation
and the Facebook thing.

You've been thinking
since lunch?

I guess before that too.

It's why I got
so upset.

I made this decision
to leave

and you shouldn't have
to suffer because of me.

What are you
talking about?

If you want to see other people
while I'm gone, I understand.

- I don't want to see other people.
- You say that now.

- Jamie.
- Turtle, I swear this is not a punishment.

I just think
it's the right thing.

You drop this on me
while we're at the airport?

I'm sorry, but I don't want you
to end up hating me.

Jamie, I could
never hate you.

- I've got to go.
- Jamie.

Is this 'cause
I didn't cry?

No.

This is because
I love you.

When I get out of here I'm gonna change
everything about my life...

what I eat,
what I drink.

Who you bang.
I know I'm gonna change that.

- Let's hope I can still bang after this.
- You're gonna be fine.

Drama, what did Tara give you?
You never said.

I'm dying over here and you're
worried about you?

I'm sorry.

- Do you itch at all?
- No.

- Hello, John.
- Hey, Doc.

How am I looking?
Am I ever gonna get out of here?

- You are free to go.
- Oh, thank God.

- It was just a panic attack?
- No, it was a little more serious than that.

- I told you.
- So what is it?

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy.

Its symptoms mimic
a heart attack

but are brought on by
real-life emotional stress.

- You have any of that?
- Tons.

It's often misdiagnosed. Fortunately
in Hollywood, we see it a lot.

Though nine times out of 10
it's seen in women.

- In women?
- So what does he have to do?

Relax. I'm gonna give him
some medication to help.

This type of occurrence could
bring on a real heart attack.

Fortunately this time
it didn't.

- Thanks, Doc.
- Take care, guys.

Oh, loved "Gatsby," Vince.

- Thanks.
- Thanks, Doc.

See, Johnny?
You're all good.

I'm not all good
at all, bro.

Look what I've done
to myself.

You had a lot
riding on this.

We'll make a couple calls.
You'll be fine.

Great, it's my doctor.

Well, answer it.
You'll be fine too.

Hello.

Speaking.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.
Bye.

- Well?
- They don't give results over the phone.

- I've got to go in to the office.
- Want me to roll with?

I'm fine. I'll catch up
with you guys later.

I've got to call Lloyd.

We have much to be thankful
for today, Johnny Drama.

- Oh yeah, what?
- I spoke to Phil Yagoda.

- Yeah?
- And he's gonna see you again.

Really?
They're gonna see me again.

- That's great.
- How?

I'm a miracle worker.

You may need a note from your doctor
that says this was in fact real.

Was it real? And two, you may
need to pass a physical.

But you're still alive, Johnny Drama,
both literally and figuratively.

Look, tell him I said
thanks but no thanks.

What what what?

I thought I was gonna
die today and for what?

"Melrose Place
the Next Generation"?

Johnny, you got out of your
"Five Towns" contract for this.

Yeah well, maybe it
was meant to be.

I'm gonna take some time
and reassess.

- Reassess what?
- My life.

I strongly advise
against this, Johnny.

You take another break from the spotlight,
you could very well be gone for good.

I had a real wake-up
call today, Lloyd.

- Johnny...
- I'll be in touch.

You sure about this?

No.

But for now
it feels right.

Sick, twisted,
demented actors.

Why did I ever get
into this business?

- Lloyd, Lloyd.
- What? What?

Ari Gold is heading
up the elevator.

Oh good God!

You haven't seen me.

- Ari?
- Where's Terrance?

Conference room.

Terrance: Where we've clearly
fallen behind the eight ball

is in reality...

I'm sorry,
are you guys busy?

What is this, Ari?

Well, you made an unannounced
pop over today

and I wanted
to return the favor.

- This is not very discreet.
- I hate discretion.

I want to put my cards on the table.
Anyone want to see them?

Everyone, get out.
Quickly.

- So you've reconsidered?
- I have.

- But not for 100.
- Do you have an offer?

I do.

- What's this?
- It's a vagina. What does it look like?

What's the meaning of this?

It means that I'm amazed
that it's taken you this long,

but once again you have
let a vagina get you into trouble.

What are you
talking about, Ari?

I think you know. You and I have
always understood each other

without saying too much.
That's why we were so good together.

But you fucked me and now
you've fucked someone else.

And now I'm gonna
fuck you.

- I don't know what you think you know.
- I know you got busted again.

And I know you don't want to sell this
company in the middle of an ugly divorce.

Especially with Melinda.
She's tough.

Melinda and I are great,
thank you.

How are you and Kelsey?

That stupid bitch
told you?

Have you ever heard
of a fucking prenup?

- Oh, you have one?
- I'd kill my wife before I got a divorce.

And I'll tell you something:
This is my first marriage, not my fourth.

- What do you want?
- I want to know if you want to make a deal.

Not if you think you're
gonna lowball me, no.

Everyone in this town is gonna lowball
you once they find out you're desperate.

I'm not desperate.
I just don't want a battle.

- 65.
- 85.

That's my drop dead number.
Not a dollar less.

I don't care
what you think you know.

Otherwise I'll open
it up to bidding.

And you'll open yourself
up to humiliation.

Don't you want to be
on a beach somewhere

when Nikki Finke starts flashing pictures
of you trying to get your dick hard?

I'll fuck Nikki Finke before I let her
affect my business decisions.

- 85, Ari.
- I'll give you 75.

Provided that after
I do my due diligence,

I don't find out that you screwed up
everything I did here.

Yes or no?

Have the papers drawn up.

Ciao.

- What's going on?
- Wouldn't you like to know?

Hey, Lloyd.
If you're hiding somewhere,

go deeper because I will
find you soon enough.

- Mr. Murphy.
- Yeah.

Turtle:
It just doesn't add up.

The world's a crazy place.
You got to search for what it's telling you.

- Would you get off me?
- Sorry.

She's just freaked is all.
Give her some time to settle in.

- She'll call.
- Yo.

Yo, itchy.
What's up?

Unlike you, Drama,
I still have a disease-free track record.

Hey, congratulations, E.

Still not what
I would call a good day.

Want to hear about
the worst day?

- Jamie broke it off.
- What?

She didn't break it off.
She told me to see other people.

- I say you embrace it.
- Don't do it, Turtle.

Los Angeles is a cesspool.

I screwed up.
I wasn't strong enough.

- She was testing me and I failed.
- Don't beat yourself up.

No, really.
I should have stopped her.

All day long she was saying
she didn't want to go.

If she didn't want to
she wouldn't have.

You got to start
thinking about yourself.

I have no self. I don't even know
who I am without Jamie.

I'm gonna puke.

Okay, we need to go
out and have some fun.

Find some nice clean girls.

- Not me, I'm done.
- E's gone celibate.

- No, I'm gonna get Sloan back.
- E, you had a little scare.

No, it's not about that.
I hate dating.

I want to be in a relationship.
I want to be in a relationship with Sloan.

E, she said
she didn't want you.

Tough shit.
She's gonna have to take me.

U.C.L.A. Girl wants to know
why we're not friends anymore.

- You gonna call her?
- Nope.

- I'm calling Jamie.
- She just left!

I'll leave her
a message.

Guys, I'm leaving
in a week too, you know?

For four months.
I'd like to have a little fun.

I'm free to chase
puss with you, bro.

Come on.