Entourage (2004–2011): Season 4, Episode 6 - The WeHo Ho - full transcript

Hello, E, what a pleasant
pick-me-up start to my morning.

Yeah, blow me too, Ari.

ARl: Whoo, sugar mouth!

All the blood just rushed
to my power source. What's up?

We don't want to do
the movie with Walsh.

- What do you mean?
- Just what I said.

- We want to find another director.
- Another director?

Are you out of your mind? What, has
Walsh been teasing you again?

The guy called me a liar and a thief.

Sticks and stones.

You can't throw away a movie just
'cause you can't get along.



Well, it's Vince's decision,
not mine, Ari, so let's move on.

I don't think you realize
that I pulled off a miracle here.

48 hours ago, Vince was unemployable.

He wants to do the movie, just not
with Walsh. What's the big deal?

The big deal is
I sold them on a package...

The "Medellin" package.

We start saying that part
of that package is no good

and they start asking questions

that we're not prepared to answer,

like "is 'Medellin' really that good?"

Do you want to answer that, E?

That's what I thought. Now...

You're supposed to be in
Dana Gordon's office this afternoon.

I want you
to talk to Vince again before I cancel.



I parted the red sea for you, E.

Don't piss on the sand.

That Ari?

- Yep. He's not happy.
- No.

You are gonna be delighted
when you taste these

fresh, hand-picked
strawberry waffles.

Nice. Where do you
pick waffles from?

Clever, E.

Look at that big fat bad boy
I saved just for you.

Thank you very much, Drama.

- Walsh again.
- You gonna answer?

Yeah, well, let's see. His last e-mail:
"Admit you leaked my trailer and die. "

So no, I don't think so.

You know what?
Fuck Ari if he's not happy.

We obviously can't work like this

which is too bad
because "Lost in the Clouds"

would have been a great
movie with Billy directing.

Don't worry, Vince. We'll
find another great director,

even if I have to find him myself.

Anyone interested
in driving out to Palmdale with me

to see my cousin Ronnie?

No.

Haven't we been through
this already, Turtle?

Yo, I'm telling you, guys, he says he
has a little money-making venture.

And in my house,
when cousin Ronnie talks,

like E.F. Hutton,
you better fuckin' listen.

Why do you have so much
confidence in this guy again?

Are you kidding, Vin? You know the
guy always knew how to make a buck.

You don't remember?
He was the first guy

on our block to have a foreign car.

The first guy to have
an in-ground pool.

The first guy to have aluminum siding.

Yeah, and the first guy to have it all
seized by the government.

Yeah, that's 'cause
he didn't pay his taxes

not 'cause he wasn't
rollin' in the green.

All right, what's
the investment opportunity?

Now he wouldn't say
on the phone, which means...

he's on the inside, as usual.

Now, who's in?
Not me.

I'll drive out
to the desert with you, Turtle,

maybe hit the outlets along the way.

But don't count on me
parting with any cash.

Like I ever do.

- Is there a fax waiting for me?
- I don't think so.

Just got off the phone
with Dana Gordon.

She said she sent over Vinnie's offer

- an hour ago.
- I haven't seen it.

Well, get up, open your
eyes wide and go find it.

Zoom zoom.

Hey, dumbfuck!

Please don't be mean to me today, Ari.

Is this not an offer
with Vinnie's name on it?

- Yes, it is. I apologize.
- What's wrong with you?

Speak!

- Tom broke up with me.
- Oh, Jesus.

And I don't know what to do.

Well, I tell you what you don't do:

You don't bring it into work with you

and you don't bring it to me, okay?

Because you know that me thinking
about you and Tom doing... you know,

makes me sick.

So let's focus
on work and not on Tom

and everything's going
to be okay. Okay?

Okay.

Get E on the horn so I can tell him

Vinnie is the six million dollar man.

That should knock
some sense into him. Maybe.

How long should I just sit in here?

Oh, I forgot to tell you...
Your 10:00 a. m. Is here.

You forgot to tell me
I had a 10:00 a. m., Lloyd.

Mr. Walsh!

How are you, Mr. Walsh?

I'll tell you after you tell me what
kind of deal I'm gonna get

if I let you be my agent.

Well, when I spoke to you yesterday,

you didn't tell me that there was a
problem between you and E.

Now, unless you handle that,
there's not gonna be any deal

and I'm not gonna
be able to represent you.

I've been trying
to handle it all morning,

but I can't get the pale
prick on the phone. Maybe you can.

I'm sure I can, Billy.
That's what I do. I connect people.

Lloyd!

Give me one second.

Lloyd! Snap out of it.

- Did you call E?
- Oh, jeez...

Well, call him now. Forget the offer.

Ask him if he and Vince will
please come here immediately.

And tell him that I used
the word "please," all right?

Okay, Ari. But Ari?

- Yes?
- Do you mind dialing?

In my traumatized state this morning,
I forgot to put in my contacts.

Billy, I'll be right there.

Why do you have

to be so skeptical

about everything, Drama?

Only because I care
about you, Turtle,

and I don't want to see
your little hopes get dashed.

You're just jealous
'cause you never cashed in

on any of cousin Ronnie's
windfalls in the past.

My talent is my windfall.

And you, sadly, and I mean
no disrespect by this,

don't have a talent.

So, for you to take
all your cash and to flush...

My talent is knowing my limitations,

which is why I'm only
putting half my money in.

So don't sweat it.

This is the place.

- This is where he's staying?
- Yep.

Oh, yeah. He's rolling in it.

- Get out of the car, you punk!
- Jesus Christ!

Ha!

You scared the hell
out of me, Ronnie...

What's up, Drama?

What, now that you're a big celeb,

I'm sure this shit happens
to you all the time, right?

- Well...
- Hey, congrats on the show.

- You been watching?
- I have. It's terrible.

Eh, but I heard
the networks pay big bucks,

so who gives a fuck, right?

- Turtle, come here. Give me a hug!
- How are you?

- Good.
- What's going on?

Ah, you know,
just wheelin' and dealin'.

So, what do you got for us?

Let's go upstairs.
I don't want to talk out here.

- Huh.
- Good to see you guys, man!

Great to see you.
This your car, Ronnie?

Dick.

I'm just saying,
don't let Ari get to you.

- Why would he get to me?
- If he yells at you, I mean.

Oh, all of the sudden
I'm Mr. Sensitive?

Ha! You have been
getting in a lot of fights lately.

I won't let him get to me.

- You promise?
- I promise.

- Motherfucker!
- E!

- What the fuck is this?
- I have no idea.

Just take it easy.
He comes bringing peace.

- I'm waving the white flag, Suit.
- Why?

Because I was wrong and I'm sorry.

So you're admitting
I didn't leak the trailer?

I am.

That's why he came here this morning.

He said that you wouldn't
call him back, though.

He sent an e-mail at 4:00 a. m.
Threatening to kill me.

Then at 5:00 a. m., my editor
called and told me

that he got pissed
at his girl last week

and put a video of him giving
her a facial on cumfiesta. Com.

She got back at him
with my trailer, ourtrailer.

You're a real asshole,
you know that?

I'm man enough to admit

when I've been acting like one.

Admit the other thing, Billy.

I love "Lost in the Clouds," Vin.

I read that book four times. I could
shoot the shit out of that thing.

- We don't doubt that.
- Okay now, so...

Are we gonna make this movie?

Are we gonna go talk to Dana
Gordon? What do you say, boys?

E?

Come on, E! As much as we fight,

you know I think of
you and Vinnie as family.

Want to climb this mountain
together? We'll kill it.

Sure.

Come here, you motherfucker.

Ah! Would you look at that?
Love is in the air!

Huh? Is this beautiful or what, Lloyd?

Come and join us in a group hug!

Could be a while
before you get some.

Aw, come on! I was just teasing, Lloyd!

It was a joke! I'll be right back.

Lloyd!

Llo-o-o-oyd!

They don't fuck each other, do they?

Come on, I was just trying
to cheer you up, Lloyd!

There is no
cheering me up, Ari. My life is over.

- It's not over!
- Yes, it is.

Without Tom, my life is empty.

- Lloyd!
- An empty vase!

- Why a vase?
- Because Tom was a flower.

He was, Ari!

He was a rose,

a bright red rose

in the massive oil spill of life.

And without him, everything is just...

gooky!

- Don't laugh at me, Ari!
- I'm not laughing, Lloyd,

- but "gooky" is funny.
- I need to take a leave of absence.

- No, you don't.
- I do! I am...

No, you don't! Lloyd! You're a rising
star in this company.

- No time for maternity leave.
- Sorry, Ari.

Lloyd, you're gonna
set yourself back years!

What will I do?!

- 50 grand, huh?
- Uh-huh.

And I'm letting you in on
this because you're my blood

and I love you... And I can only
raise 30 grand on my own

'cause the IRS, those
cocksuckers, froze my assets again.

- And so you need 20 grand, then?
- What are you, Rain Man?

That's what I just told you.

So'd you bring it, or what?

I got it. It's a check. It's good.

There you go!

Last of my Saigon money.

Just what is this investment already?

- Baseball memorabilia.
- Baseball memorabilia?

Notjust any
baseball memorabilia.

I'm talking about a Sandy Koufax

game-used home jersey from '66.

50 grand for a jersey?!

That ain't shit, Drama. It's gonna be
worth twice as much as that.

- At least.
- How do you know?

My father, the prick,
is obsessed with Sandy.

- Mm-hmm.
- He bought a condo in St. Paul

'cause Sandy was living
in the same development.

So?

So, my father, the demented fuck
that he is,

makes his tee time the same
as Sandy's every Wednesday.

- So what, Ronnie?
- So Sandy hasn't teed off in weeks.

Wait, I don't follow, why not?

Jesus Christ, you guys
are fuckin' slow, huh?

Sandy's finished. He's done.

His place is a hospice.

White coats coming and going
for the last two weeks.

Just a matter of time.

Sandy Koufax is gonna die?

Jesus Christ, that's terrible.

Yeah, indeed, it is. My father, he's
been a wreck for weeks.

But hey, we gotta make a buck, right?

Could you imagine
being able to buy a Picasso

a week before his demise? We can!

Hmm.

So you can pack
the camera in the snow,

have it pointing straight
down the face of the cliff

and then...

Vinnie's beautiful mug pops out,

just those big blue eyes

with the bright, white snow

surrounding them. It'll be magical.

- Sounds like it.
- What do you think, E?

Sounds great.

Hi... Guys. I'm really sorry,

but I called Ari's office
earlier this morning

and asked if the meeting
could be pushed back an hour.

I'm really sorry
no one told you. I hope that's okay.

Actually, little lady, it ain't.

So would you please
call Dana and tell her

that I gotta be at the track at 4: 15

so she better hustle on down
here or I will be gone!

Is this how they run shit
down at Ari's shop?

Relax, I'm calling.

Okay, I'm sorry.

How do you spell that? Is that, uh,

M- u-r-f...

No no no, "P."

...f- p-h-e-y.

And you work with Vincent Chase?

Look, just have him call E, okay?

Okay, um, E...

Who the fuck are you
and what are you doing?

- Oh, uh... Uh... hi, I'm...
- Hello?

Ari, what's going on?

E, I'm sorry, I'm having
a little assistant meltdown.

Why aren't you in the meeting
with Dana Gordon?

Dana pushed the meeting,

but no one told us.

Oh, tell Eric the meeting
was pushed back an hour.

I just saw this!

Listen, is there any way
you can wait it out, buddy?

- Yeah, we're fine.
- I'm not fine!

- Although Walsh is really pissed.
- Let me talk to him.

Ari wants to talk to you.

Fuck Ari! Tell him I haven't
signed those agency papers yet.

- Ari...
- I heard him.

- I'll talk to you later.
- Later. Listen.

Let me know how it goes.

I need a fucking assistant!

As I was saying, Mr. Gold, I'm Glen...

Uh, Glen Holden. I'm gonna come
off Eric Siegel's desk until...

How do I know you?

You fired me from
the mailroom two years ago,

but then you realized you were
wrong, so you hired me back.

No, I... I can get the job
done. Just tell me what you like.

No, I don't tell you what I like.

My old assistant is supposed
to tell you what I like.

And then he is supposed
to seamlessly train you

so that the only change in my life

comes when I have to write out
a Christmas bonus check.

Okay, Mr. Gold, please lookit.

- I'm just gonna...
- Get out of here, Glen.

- Where... Where do you want me to go?
- Anywhere but here

or I will kill you.

Do you want me to
get you someone else?

No, I only want Lloyd
and I will get him myself!

Stop looking at me like that.

We were never guys
who were about money, Turtle.

We were always guys
who were about integrity.

Hmm.

Is that what got you
to do that commercial

where you and your wife had a bad
case of the runs at the opera?

That was a national spot.

And I got a chance
to show a lot of range.

All right, look, Drama,

I don't feel great about this either.

But if we don't buy it,
somebody else will.

Besides, I can't let Ronnie down.

You know how many times
he gave my mother money

when my father wouldn't?

If I don't do it, he won't be able to.

So, if you still want in
for half, you got it.

It's blood money, Turtle.

So, never. Never never never.

Let's go make a bundle, huh?

Come on, let's go, let's go.

- Why does this guy look so morbid?
- He always looks morbid.

Game-wornjersey!
Bidding starts

at $1,000. Do I hear $1,500?

$1,500!
Do I hear $2,000? $2,000 in the back!

I am so sorry about the mix-up.

Hey, we got nothing
better to do, right?

How are you guys?

- Hey, Dana.
- It's great to see you.

Why don't you come on in my office?

So, we are hoping to go
into production in 12 weeks.

And we've got
a preliminary budget estimate

of $55 million.

55, well that is obviously ridiculous.

Is it? There's not even a script yet.

Well, I'd be writing the script, right?

And I know this book inside out.

And as big as it is,
I want to visualize it bigger.

I want the blizzard
to make the... The desert

in "Lawrence of Arabia"
look like a fucking sandbox.

And I won't speak
for anybody else in this room,

but for me, after what I just
pulled off on "Medellin"

with no budget, I'd rather wait

to collect my gold statue
and have dollars start flying at me

than get involved
in an underfinanced project again.

So you think you're gonna win
an Oscar for "Medellin," Billy?

I'd bet my left pinkie that me and Vince

are both gonna get one,
and E might even be lucky enough

to ride our coattails
right onto that stage.

Listen, you mind if I use
your private shitter?

I just gotta piss, but the one in the
hallway stank like a refugee boat.

Sure, go ahead.

He's quite a character.

- Yeah.
- He's all bluster.

But he knows exactly what he's doing.

Well, it's kinda weird.

I mean, he's foul and grotesque,

conceited and abhorrent.

But I kinda like him.

- Hello?
- Livin' large, Lloyd.

Looks like I'm paying you too much.

I have family money, Ari. And it hasn't
affected my work ethic at all,

- so don't make fun of me.
- I'm not making fun of you, Lloyd.

I'm... I'm here because I need you back.

Listen, the best way
to get over a breakup

is a distraction, and the best
distraction is work.

Work is the reason we broke up, Ari.

Tom hated that I was never home,

he hated my hours.

Work ripped us apart.

Work ruined everything, Ari!

Lloyd!

I will come back to you when
Tom comes back to me, Ari!

- Okay? Goodbye!
- Lloyd!

Lloyd!

I just wanna do the paddle.

Oh ho ho, no. You're not in.

So I'm raising the paddle.

You're a real dick, you know that?

And now, for our featured
auction item of the day:

Lot 235... A 1966 Sandy Koufax

home flannel jersey.

- Where the hell's Ronnie?
- Here he is, move over.

Shows nice game use,

no alterations of any kind.

It's from Sandy's
third Cy Young season.

- Where the hell you been?
- On the phone with my father.

My brother ratted me out,
told him what I was doing.

- How'd he take it?
- He's heartbroken, the prick.

Yeah, I'm with him.

You could still
get out, Ronnie, save your soul.

As many of you know,
Sandy was supposed

to be here to sign some autographs,

but sadly, he was
unable to make the trip.

Anyway, let the bidding
begin at $20,000.

- I have $20,000...
- Fuck it, I'm in.

Do I have 21?
- Really?

- Since the news is official.
Do I hear 22?

22. Do I have 24?

24. Do I have 25? 25?

- 25!
25.

Do we have 28? 28! Do we have 31?

31!

31. Do I hear 35?

Give me $35,000! $35,000!

Give me 40! Give me $40,000!

- Do we have 40?
- 40.

- 40! Do we have $42,000?
- I'm sorry, I can't do this.

Why why why why?

I can't do this to my father.
I can't do this to Sandy.

- I got $43,000!
- I'm sorry!

- Ronnie, Ronnie! Ronnie!
- No!

What the fuck we
supposed to do now?

Don't worry about it.
I'll cover his share.

45!

$45,000
right there! Do I have 48?

Billy, are you sure you can have a
shootable script done in six weeks?

Oh, no doubt.
I came up with the first act

while I was stinking up
the skirt's bathroom.

Just promise me you won't take a job

- That could interfere.
- I promise.

- Beautiful.
Whoa!

- Billy, nice car!
- Yeah, it's my girl's father's.

You're not the only one
mooching luxury items

off somebody, Suit! Later!

Late!

What's up?

You haven't said a word
in like half an hour.

How could I say a word?
He doesn't shut the fuck up.

- You know he likes to talk.
- I can't do this, Vince.

- Do what?
- This movie, not with him.

Come on, you got the apology.
What more do you want?

I want to get along with the people
I work with, all right?

Life's too short to spend another
year being fucking abused

- and you should respect that.
- I respect it, I do.

But what now?

- Excuse me, hey.
- Yes?

I'm wondering if you know
where Tom is?

Ah! I am Tom.

- You're Tom?
- Yes.

- Lloyd's Tom?
- I used to be.

- Who are you?
- I don't get it.

You're a good looking guy.
You can get girls.

Ari.

- How you... How'd you know?
- Well, it's just a sketch,

but Lloyd uses
your face as a dartboard.

- Really?
- He's a really good artist.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, over here. Look, I'm
already on Finish Line probation,

so I gotta make myself look busy.

What are you, seven and a half, eight?

- Uh, 11, Tom?
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

So, what, did he send you down here?

No no, I came down here on my own.

I heard a lot about your problems
with Lloyd... That he's never home,

that he's too career-oriented.

- You gonna tell me he's not?
- No no no. He is, he is.

But let me ask you
something though, man:

Do you want a guy who's gonna
provide a great home for you,

or some cooze who's on the couch
every day watching Oprah at 4:00?

Oprah's on at 3:00, Ari.

And, look... Yeah, I do hate
Lloyd's hours. Take a seat.

But, you know, I'm a guy.

I understand career goals.

Uh... So, what's... what's the problem?

The problem is
he couldn't keep his dick in his pants.

- He cheated on me, Ari.
- No... Lloyd cheated on you?

No, he didn't,
he would never... Are you serious?

Yeah, it's true. I caught him.

In the act? Like, he was...

Well, no... No, I didn't
catch him in the act,

but, you know, I was
suspicious Friday night.

He said he was going
down to The Abbey.

I parked my car out front.
He never showed.

Never. I confronted him
and, you know, he said

that he didn't want
to be interrogated like that.

Lloyd... Lloyd was
with me Friday night.

- He was with you?
- Yes.

At "The Bourne Ultimatum" premiere.

- Until like 2:00 a. m.!
- That is bullshit!

No no no no! I... you know what?

I think I even have
a picture of it in my phone.

- Why wouldn't he tell me that?
- He told me

that if he told you that he was
working on another Friday night,

that you would tell him
that it was over.

You tell him that?

Oh my gosh! I... I mean... maybe I did...

You did. You did.

Lloyd is the best guy I know.
He would never cheat on you.

Oh, man. I feel awful.

- You cheated on Tom?!
- What?

You little fuckin' slut, Lloyd!

I don't know what
you're talking about, Ari.

I just saw Tom.

- He came to the office?
- I went to his.

He told me what you did. Lloyd!

I couldn't help it, Ari!
It's been all the pressure.

And I met this cute barista
at The Coffee Bean

who I never thought would like me.
But he did like me, he did.

It was a one-time thing.
I go to Starbucks now.

But I ruined everything.

No, you didn't
ruin everything, 'cause I saved it.

Saved it? What do you mean?

You were with me Friday night
at "The Bourne Ultimatum" premiere.

I was?

Get your ass back to
the office within the hour

and I will stick to that story.

Let me tell you something, Lloyd:

I love a liar,
but I hate a cheater. See ya!

Wait, Ari!

- Yeah?
- I can't believe you did this for me.

I like you, Lloyd. What can I say?

Say you'll let me take
you and the wife to dinner

- with Tom, a couples dinner.
- I don't like you that much.

Get your ass back to the office

and get that fuckin' dartboard
down off your wall!

Huh?

$62,000. This was supposed
to go for no more than 50.

What's the difference? Lt'll cut into
our profit margin a bit is all.

Ah, the Koufax bidders.

- That's us.
- You guys big fans?

- Oh, die-hards.
- We're New Yorkers.

Sandy would've been really
pleased to meet you guys.

Such a shame he
couldn't get out here.

Yeah, it would've been a great thrill.

Sad, really.
Hasn't left his house in a month.

Oh, no. Is everything okay?

Yeah, we'd be devastated
if something happened to Sandy.

Sandy's as well as can be expected.

His dog's been sick for months.

He did everything he could,
but he finally succumbed.

His dog?

His beloved giant schnauzer, Pee Wee.

Made it to 19.
That's pretty good for a dog.

But you know what?

Next month, Sandy's gonna be out
here for the celebrity pro-am.

He's favored as usual...
Healthy as a clam.

Maybe you guys can catch him then.

Maybe.

I'm gonna kill your cousin, Turtle.

- Kill him.
- Mm-hmm.

Tom, you know I saw
and loved "Dreamgirls"

when it was in the theater,

but I will gladly watch it
again with you tonight.

I saw it with my mother. Tom...

Just tell us what our options
are, Ari.

Well, let's see.
We can all drink poison Gatorade

and hope that the next life
is better than this one.

Come on, E. You drink first.

Vince, you really want
to throw away a go movie?

E, it's your job to help him

to get the movies that
he wants, not to fuck them up!

Ari, you know he's helped me
get everything I've ever wanted.

Come on, all right. So, you don't like
it when people talk down to you.

People talk down to me every day.

If I let go of all
my clients that talk down to me,

he'd be the only one I had left.

I mean, Jesus, man,
after all he's done for you,

swallow your pride
and take one for the team.

Vince, tell him that
you wanna do this movie.

He knows I wanna do the movie.

And he knows that I don't.

Look, I shouldn't be
producing anyway.

You wanna do this movie?
I'll sit this one out.

Here comes the Irish guilt.

There's no guilt,
all right? The truth is,

I don't like
standing around on sets anyway.

That's not why I came out here.

I'll go back to managing
and find the next project.

Boom! Problem solved.

He goes back to being a manager,

I get him paid as a producer anyway.

Lottery strikes again for you, E.

- Are you sure about this?
- Yeah.

And as your manager,
I'm sure of something else.

Oh, yeah? What?

You shouldn't be doing
this movie, not with Billy.

Jesus, fuck.

And it's not my pride.
It's because I think Walsh has peaked.

And I think his
best days are behind him.

And I think he fucked up "Medellin. "

Now, you know I don't agree
with you on that.

Nor do I.

- You haven't seen it.
- I'm against you either way.

- It's your choice, Vince.
- It is your choice.

It's your life. He's just a
passenger lucky to have a seat.

- I'm gonna do the movie.
- Boom!

There you go! I'll have
a $2 million advance check

cut for you today! How horrible!

Lloyd! Bring in some bubbly!

We're doing a little celebrating.

- Are you sure about this?
- Yeah. I just wanted to be heard.

- Well, you were.
- Yeah, I guess I was.