Entourage (2004–2011): Season 4, Episode 4 - Sorry, Harvey - full transcript

Oh, it's Ari again.

All right, how about I take this?

- Wanna take that? Okay.
- Yeah. Thank you.

Can't you wait for a callback?

As the French might say,
no, I fucking cannot.

You know why, Eric?

It's because I have
a box of rare truffles

sitting on my desk...
a gift from Harvey.

- Do you know why?
- I can guess.

It's because you sold him on a movie

you're in no position to sell.



Now he thinks we're all
traveling to Cannes together.

Don't worry about it, Ari.
It's not your problem.

Not my problem?

Did you know that Harvey
was a marine, Eric?

A middle-class Jew
who grew up with everything,

yet he chose to join the marines.

- Do you know why?
- No. Why?

It's because, and I quote,

he "wanted to know
what it felt like to kill someone. "

He will now kill me

when I tell him what you did.

I set a dinner.
I'm telling him tonight, so relax.

- You're gonna tell him in person?
- That's right.

What I wouldn't pay to see that.



Well, save your money for Botox, Ari.

All that negativity's
starting to take its toll.

Call waiting. Later, loser.

Lloyd, I see dead people. Why?

I don't know, but M. Night just
called to say he doesn't see you.

Well, I'm at the cemetery
just like he said.

Remind me again why I put up with this shit.

Because his movies
have grossed almost $2 billion

and because you're scared of him.

Thank you, Lloyd, but I fear nothing.

Argh!

A little jumpy, Ari?

We're in a cemetery, Night.
Even for you this is bizarre.

Don't be an ass.
I'm shooting an Amex commercial.

Oh, great.
And you want me to star in it.

That's why you've summoned me
to the valley.

No, I finished a new draft
of the screenplay

- and I don't trust messengers.
- Wow. You're, like,

six weeks ahead of schedule.
Are you gonna put yourself in it?

- I'm gonna improv a little something.
- Indians and improv...

No greater match.

You're gonna read it tonight.

- Of course I will.
- Don't tell me you will if you won't.

My night, M. Night,
will be dedicated to nothing

but enjoying your latest creation.

I'm gonna drive by
your office in the morning,

I'm gonna pick it up
and I'm gonna quiz ya.

- As always.
- Bye, Ari.

See you, Night.

Ari, you've got the missus' best
friend's dinner tonight.

Oh, fuck. Look at this thing.

It's, like, 200 pages.
Find me a flashlight.

I'm gonna have to
read this at the table.

Why do we have to
bring this guy out with us, Johnny?

'Cause he's the mayor
of Beverly Hills.

And why do you care
if you don't live in Beverly Hills?

I care because the mayor
could use his political clout

to annex my condo in.

How would you like to see this
place rocking a 90210 zip code?

You're 40 feet from the border now.
What's gonna change?

It's like asking what changes between
North and South Korean borders.

- Yeah, that's a good analogy.
- Turtle, come here.

Look out that window.

You see that brand new fire station
out there? That's Beverly Hills.

Do you know, if they were to
look in here and see me burning,

they couldn't do anything about it?
I would have to wait hours

for L.A. County to come and save me.

I don't want to wait, Vin.
I want to be saved.

You are beyond saving, Drama.

Vince can save me.

- How?
- The guy just wants

to roll with the big-time celebrity
for the evening, have a good time.

But you're a big-time celeb, Johnny.
Why do I have to go?

Well, apparently,
he doesn't watch TV.

Look...

The annexation vote is on Wednesday.

He knows what I want
and alluded to the fact

that one hand washes the other.

I need my hands washed, baby bro,

and you are the soap.

It's Thursday night, Vince.
Fuck his hands.

Shut up, Turtle.

- Is he a good guy, Johnny?
- He's a great guy.

We puff stogies
at the Havana Room all the time.

- Okay, we'll bring him out.
- Yes!

Bring who out where?

We're rolling with the mayor
of Beverly Hills, E.

- Too bad you gotta Miss it.
- Oh yeah, too bad.

- Harvey should be fun, though.
- Shut up, Turtle.

I don't know why you can't just
tell Harvey on the phone, E.

Maybe he wants to feel Harvey's spit

when he launches it at him again!

No, I just want to be a man
and own up face to face.

You know what? E went out on his own

against the family on this.
He may have to take a little spit.

Thanks, Vince.

A little scared of Harvey, huh?

I'm not afraid of Harvey.

Because I will go with you
if you ask nicely.

- The mayor, Vince.
- I don't want you to go.

I got myself into this,
I can get myself out of it.

That's the spirit, kid.

And I'm not afraid
of Harvey, all right?

I'm trying to be professional
and courteous by doing this,

but I'm not gonna sit there
while he yells in my face again.

- You're gonna fight Harvey?
- No, don't fight Harvey, E.

- Harvey's big, E.
- Yeah, E,

I think Harvey can definitely take you.

You used to think
you could take me, Turtle.

- You wanna go?
- Ha, I would fuckin'...

I'm simply asking you

not to dilly-dally, that's all.

And I am not gonna
rush through dinner.

This is my best friend's engagement.

Come on, she's been
married twice before.

I'm sure we'll get another run at this.

I already stood in the driveway
waiting for you, Ari.

Just chew fast and don't order
an appetizer or a dessert.

Give me a break.

- Hi.
- Oh, Joyce, you look beautiful.

- Thank you. You too, muffin.
- I'm so excited.

Perfect timing. Ron's at the bar
and we thought we'd get

a before-dinner drink.
What do you say?

No.

- No?
- No, we're starving.

So grab your man
and let's get this thing rolling.

He's kidding.
We would love to have a drink...

Or two.

Slow down, Turtle.
It's the French country on the right.

Wow, nice house.

He is the mayor of Beverly Hills, bro.

Pull over there, Turtle.

What are you doing?

Letting the mayor know we're here.

You don't honk, you Neanderthal.

You ring the bell like an upstanding
Beverly Hills citizen would do.

Too late.

Hey.

Don't forget your corsage.

Mayor Laurie.

John Chase,
is that Vinnie Chase I see in that car?

- Hi. How are you?
- I'm Turtle.

Oh, Vinnie, I am a big fan... Big big fan.

My kids... They're just
obsessed with Aquaman.

My daughter cried
when they replaced you in the sequel,

said she will not see it
no matter how good it is.

- Tell her "thank you. "
- I will. I will.

- Ready to go now?
- Yeah yeah.

Uh... Gotta grab a jacket first.

Walk with me, John.

Yeah, this guy's
gonna fit right in with us.

Oh, I really appreciate this.

My wife's been gone
for over a year now

and I've been really lonely.

Hey, what are friends for?

Yeah, but I think
I'm gonna take my own car.

Are you sure you don't want to
have Turtle chauffeur?

Then we can get hammered
and have a really good night.

You know what would
make it a really great night, John?

It's if that movie star
brother of yours

could help provide me some comfort

of a foxy young thing
I don't have to pay for.

He can do that.

You...

Hi. How are you?
I'm here to meet Harvey...

- Mr. Murphy?
- Yes.

- Right this way.
- Thank you.

- How are you, Eric?
- Hey, how are you, Harvey?

Good good. Great great.

I'm great. Sit sit.

- Try that wine.
- Okay.

It's good.

Good? That's a '53 Margaux.

It's 3,300 bucks a bottle.

I only drink it
on celebratory occasions.

This being one, I ordered two bottles.

Let's celebrate.

- Listen, Harvey...
- Oh, would you look at this?

See that little cunt?

That prick stole
my V.P. Of production.

He's lucky I don't go over there

and crack this
fucking bottle over his head.

I'm not gonna do that, though.

My doctor says
I can't do that anymore

'cause my blood pressure's
off the charts.

So, you and me, E... stress-free dinner.

- To "Medellin. "
- "Medellin. "

I've never been
so embarrassed in my life.

What? Listen, what's so bad?

Uh, you got the check
before we got our entrees.

- At least I paid, right?
- You are such an asshole.

That may be, but I'm an asshole

that's gonna be home at 9:30,
ready to read.

You know what?
Let's get an early start on this.

Grab my briefcase, you read to me.

Screw you.

Come on, baby, be a team player.

If Night pulls another
half-billion-dollar grosser

out of his hat,
I'll get you some diamonds.

- The briefcase isn't here.
- What do you mean?

Just what I said. Are you sure
you didn't leave it in the office?

What, you don't believe me?

Jesus Christ,
the valet probably stole it.

- Don't be racist.
- Valets steal shit, all right?

Just because they're mostly
Hispanic doesn't make me a racist.

You know what happens
if this gets out?

If someone puts Night's new ending
on the Internet, my life is over!

Nobody's gonna know you did it.

Yes, they will,
because Night, that little sick fuck,

printed my name
on every fucking page!

So maybe the valets
put it in the trunk.

It's gone. Not fucking here.

They fucking stole it.
The motherfuckers stole it.

Wh... Did they replace it with this?

- What the fuck is that?
- You tell me, freak.

I have no idea!

Well, there's a whole bag.

The seats aren't as dark
as they're supposed to be.

What?

- They gave us the wrong car.
- Shut up.

Get in there.
What, are you fucking blind?

You're the one who
drove it home, schmuck.

Why would I buy a black cock?

Where the fuck are our salads?

Hey, pal, pal.

How long we gotta wait
for a lousy iceberg wedge?

You slice the fucking thing,
you put it on a plate

and you bring it over here.

Anyway, E, what was I talking about?

You were saying that you were, uh...

You were pissed off at us after
we fucked you over at Sundance.

Oh, yeah yeah. Oh, I was raging.

Sure, you little pricks
let me call a press-conference

to announce I'm in business with you
and then you bail on me?

I know. That was...
That was a big mistake, Harvey.

It's a mistake?

That was some mistake. Don't you ever

make a mistake like that
with me again,

because next time
I'm not gonna be so kind.

I'll kill people.

You mind if I use
the bathroom, Harvey?

Sure, go ahead. Oh oh, hey, E, E,

on your way over there
walk by that cunt's table

and give him
a little elbow in the head.

If you feel like it.

How am I gonna get this guy laid,
Johnny, seriously?

Tell girls

that if they fuck him,
you'll fuck 'em after.

That sounds like
like a good deal for Vince.

He'd be lying.

- Oh, Jesus.
How did he beat us here?

Hey, what's up, Vince?

Hey, E.

- How is it going over there?
- It's not.

This guy's nuts.
He's teetering on the edge.

Did he yell at you?

No, he didn't yell at me
'cause I didn't tell him yet.

I thought you said
you weren't afraid of Harvey.

I'm not scared of him, but it wouldn't
be good for anybody if I end up

rolling around in the parking lot

with one of the most
powerful men in Hollywood.

So what do you want me to do?

I want you to come down here.

- I'm with the mayor, E.
- Fuck the mayor, Vince.

Harvey's not gonna make
the same kind of scene if you're here.

Swallow your pride and admit
you're afraid of him and I'm there.

Look, I'm not scared of Harvey.

How long you think you can keep me

waiting at the table
without me getting antsy?

Sorry about that, Harvey.
I'm actually talking to Vince.

Hey, Vince. How the fuck are you?

- Hey, Harvey.
- Where are you, pal?

I just walked into a place
called Winston's.

I love Winston's! We'll come over
there for a celebratory toast.

- Okay.
- Walk the other way, David,

or I'll pull out your fucking
eyeballs. Yeah, we'll see you soon.

- See you.
- Come on, eat.

Vince, Nel really likes
this one over here.

Can you go talk to her?

It's a black L.S. Hybrid,

so don't be afraid
to step on the gas and get it up here.

This is a black L.S.

That's the wrong black L.S.,
obviously.

Okay, is there a manager?

- I am the manager.
- An English-speaking manager.

- I speak English.
- First-language English-speaking...

It's okay. You switched cars on us.

- Oh shit, that's not your car?
- No.

Because the guy
who just left in the same car

accused us of stealing his glasses.

Here they are.
Wrongfully accused again.

So he's gone?

Yes, but I'm sure he's gonna come
back as soon as he realizes.

I don't have time to wait for that.

I have something
I need to get out of the car tonight.

There's nothing
you can do about that.

There's always something
that can be done, baby.

Sometimes you just have to
think really really hard.

So everybody think.

Anyone got something?
You got something?

No, Ari.

You could always go to his house
and hope that he's home.

- What, you know where he lives?
- No,

but has it ever
occurred to you rich people

that when you are
enjoying a nice dinner,

we have your keys
and your fancy navigation system

to lead us straight
to your empty house?

I like your style, pal.

Setting home...
- Oxnard... How far is that?

About 50 miles.

Uh, you're taking me home first.

Thank you, sir.

...5532.

Cool. So I'll call you at, like, 2:00?

Make it 2:30. The boys and I
usually grab a bite late-night.

Okay.

I thought we were supposed to be
pulling for the mayor,

not ourselves.

- I'm just not a good wrangler.
- Yeah, well, I am,

and I've been wasting my skills
on Drama's cause.

You're telling me you'd be pulling
if it was for your cause?

Of course I would be.
What kind of question is that?

Fellas, guess who's into politics.

- This is Aneeka.
- Anika.

Anika. Anika, the boys.

- Hello, boys.
- Anika's from Prague.

I told her a little about our man
and she was very impressed.

Gotta love the Eastern Block.

Back in a flash.

Nel, say hello to Anika.

Anika, the one and only
mayor of Beverly Hills, Nel Laurie.

Johnny has told me
of your dedication to the city

and of your kindness.
It is so nice to meet you.

You too, you too.
Would you like to sit?

Yes, I would love to.

My God, you have gorgeous feet.

How about that?

How about this?

He looks like a P.O.W.

Who is it?

Hi, my name is Ari Gold.
I think you have my car.

What? What are you talking about?

Uh, would you open the door?

No. And I have a dog.

That's great.
I think you also have my car.

Do you drive a black Lexus?

My husband does.

Well, I think the valet
gave him the wrong car,

'cause I'm driving his.

Valet? What valet?

The valet at Morton's tonight.

Morton's in L.A?

- Yeah.
- What was my husband doing

- at Morton's in L.A. Tonight?
- Uh...

What the fuck were you doing

- at Morton's tonight?
- What?

- The valet switched our cars.
- What?

Answer me,
who the fuck were you with?

What?

See, that's my briefcase.
Thank you, God.

- Answer me, you piece of shit!
- What?

Listen, here are your keys.
Can I get mine?

I am fucking waiting
for a fucking answer!

Deny till you die, pal.

I tell you what:
Just admit that you're scared of him

and I'll apologize for you.

I don't need you to apologize,

I just want you to be here
when it goes down.

I'm right here.
What are you waiting for?

The right moment.

Am I the Chuck Woolery
of Winston's or what?

Yeah, only minus the good looks

the tan and the Botany 500 suit.

I got one of those suits, bro.

- Yo, Vince.
- Yo, Ray.

- Man, this is delicate.
- What's that?

You know your boy you came in with?

Yeah, what about him?

Well, he's about to
suck face with a tranny.

What? Come on.

That's no tranny, Ray. That's Anika.

Anika's got a biggest stump
than you do, Drama.

Jesus, if Drama knew that,
he would have kept her for himself.

- Ray, are you sure?
- Trust me.

The only reason that
we let that he-she in here

is because she goes on Howard Stern
all the time

and we don't need the bad ink.
I'm sorry, bro.

- Come on.
- I can't believe it.

Believe it, Drama.

- Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
- No doubt, man.

- What do we do?
- I ain't saying shit.

Nobody's saying nothing
until I'm 90210.

Johnny, he'll find out eventually

and then you'd better pray he's not
your mayor. Do the right thing.

- Fine, I'll tell him.
- E?

- I'm going.
- Couple of shots first to relax?

Definitely.

Yeah, Lloyd.

Just wanna make sure
you're up and reading.

Well, I'm up
and I am not fucking reading.

God, you're even angry in the evening.

- Fuck off, Lloyd.
- Good night, Ari.

- Lloyd?
- Yes, Ari.

Talk to me while I drive
so I don't fall asleep.

Okay, Ari.

Oh, fuck.

- What?
- I'm getting pulled over.

- How fast are you going?
- About 140.

- That's not good.
- No.

Cheers.

I'm going in.

And E, why aren't your feet moving?

All right, I'm scared.

Ha ha ha! Pussy.

Come on. I'll talk to him.

I'll stand right next to you.

Yeah, I'll be hanging back, having fun.

Hi.

Or not.

Can I get you something?

- Hey, Johnny.
- Hey...

Anika, would you
excuse us for a second?

Um, yeah, sure.

Well, you'd better hurry back
or I'm gonna come chasin'.

I will.

Hey, John, what's happening?

- It's about Anika.
- Yeah?

You know, we didn't even
need Vinnie's intro, huh?

Thank you.

I tell you, she is one doll.

Yeah, well, according to some,

- That Barbie might be a Ken.
- Eh?

- She might have balls, Your Honor.
- What?

She's a he, a transformer,

a hermaphrodite,
something that just ain't right.

Oh, I don't believe that. Look at her.

She's beautiful.

I got only reasons to lie to you, Nel,
but it's true.

I'm sorry.

I am too.

I appreciate your honesty...

And...

I would appreciate
your posse's discretion

'cause I don't care
what she's got under that dress.

- No?
- No.

We have a connection. She gets me.

Hey, babe, you ready
to get out of here?

Okay.

I got a blue Mercedes,
tinted windows.

- See you out there in 10 minutes.
- Okay.

Okay.

Nel, what about my annexation?

Looking good.

Eh?

Sweet.

- Ah!
- Harvey.

Ha ha ha! I love you.

Sit down.

So, so, what's on your mind, Vince?

Well, Harvey, it's about "Medellin. "

- What about it?
- We...

- Vodka, splash of cranberry.
- I ordered tonic.

No, you didn't.
You ordered cranberry.

Why would I order cranberry
if I don't drink cranberry?

I don't know, but you did.

You believe this fucking guy?

I'll get you your tonic.

No no no, don't get me tonic.

- Tell me I didn't order cranberry.
- But you did.

Are you out of your fucking mind?

- Just get the tonic, guy.
- No no no, guy,

- No, guy, don't go anywhere.
- I'm going to the bathroom.

Whoa whoa whoa, Vince,
what are you doing?

I'm not telling him.
He's out of his mind.

You know what? I'll do it.

- Harvey, look...
- No no,

you look me in the fucking
face and you tell me why,

after 50 years of life

and never having even
sipped cranberry juice,

for some reason I come in here

and I order cranberry juice.

Can you answer that,
you fucking scumbag?!

No, I can't, but you did.

- Harvey.
- I'm gonna fucking kill him!

- Take it easy, sir.
- Don't tell me to take it easy.

You know who the fuck I am?
I was rolling my bones

when you were sucking
your mother's tittie.

- Let's leave my mother out of this.
- Fuck you and fuck him!

All right, pal,
you're out of here. Come on!

Get your fucking hands off me!

So you let Vince
do your dirty work, huh, E?

No, he couldn't do it.

Hey, E had it in him after all.

No, I didn't get a chance to either,
but I'll try tomorrow.

Tomorrow? What?

You weak weak man. Hey, Harvey...

We're not selling you the movie.

Sorry, bro. We're gonna put
it on the open market at Cannes.

You're gonna have to be
like everyone else.

I'll eat you alive!

I'll eat you alive and
crap you out of my tuchus

and flush you down the toilet!

You'll never work again, never,

you understand me?
Your career is over!

It's over!

He was talking about E, not me, right?

Morning, Ari.

Done. Night in the office?

- Yes, Ari. He just got here.
- Perfect timing.

Are you wearing
the same suit as yesterday?

Spent the night in jail.

Oh my God, Ari. Why didn't you call me?

'Cause you get one call
and I wanted to use it

on someone I like to have sex with.
Night, genius.

Best script yet. Ask me anything.

How could you possibly
like that third act?

Are you kidding?
The twist with the dove? I loved it.

- It was perfect.
- No, it's fucked.

What you read is totally fucked.

I tried to call you last night.
I didn't have your cell.

- I don't understand.
- After you left, it hit me...

The whole third act's a mess, man.
It's a mess.

I changed it. It really works now.

Oh.

Here, read it.

I'll wait.

Start from the top
so you get the flow.

Morning, fellas.

Get 'em while they're hot.

You just saved E's ass, Johnny.

He's been wrestling with
your espresso-maker for an hour.

Wrestle no more, E. I got
your favorite... caramel macchiato.

I hate caramel,
but very thoughtful nonetheless.

Indeed it was,
but ever more thoughtful

were the coffees I brought over
to the Beverly Hills firehouse

when I went over
to introduce myself.

Are you expecting a fire
or are you just hoping

to slide up and down one their pole?

You slay me, E.

No, really I'm just proud to be

a soon-to-be-annexed
resident of the quaint city

known throughout the world
as Beverly Hills.

Yeah, well,
I would be too proud too fast, Drama.

I don't know how much longer
your boy's gonna be mayor.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the all-seeing,

Look at this.

Hey, Mayor, I'm from TMZ.

How about saying a little something?

Howdy, folks.

Hey, why are you
sneaking out in the alley?

Hey hey, I'm not sneaking.
There's no sneaking

going on here. Hustle into the car, baby.

Oh no. No!

- That's nuts.
- No!