Entourage (2004–2011): Season 4, Episode 3 - Malibooty - full transcript

- You find anything?
- Nothing.

Your brother's turned
into a health nut.

All he's got are whole grains
and a bottle of flaxseed oil.

You want to do a couple
of colon-cleansing shots?

No, let's just order in.

From where? I don't even know
what zip code we're in.

Are you feeling
a little displaced, Turtle?

- Very.
- We'll get a new home soon, I promise.

Yeah, thanks, Vin. That makes me
almost feel good enough

to eat some of this shit.
What is psyllium husk anyway?

- Morning.
- Yo.



- Morning, E. How'd you sleep?
- Oh, fine I'm sure.

Someone got all cozy on the couch

while I was stuck
sleeping on the air mattress.

Yeah, it was real cozy listening
to you snore all night, Turtle.

And please tell me I didn't catch
you whacking it at 4:00 a. m.

Fuck, I got to get some privacy, Vin.

You got to get people
to see this movie.

E doesn't think so.

Oh boy, here we go.

E thought "Rocky IV" sucked
when it came out.

I mean, what does he know?

E, I'm telling you,
you're just too close to it.

- "Medellin" is a great film.
- It will be.

Will be?
What, did you have a change of heart?



I thought about it all night long.
There's greatness in it.

It's just too long. I got some ideas
on how to cut some stuff.

I think we can cut the crooked
customs cop sequence in half

for starters though, no?

Yeah, it was a little long.

Call Walsh. Run your ideas by him.

I think I'm gonna go down there,
talk to him in person.

But be positive.
You know how sensitive he is.

No, is he really?

Namaste, campers. Rise and shine.

Campers are up, Johnny.

And we're dying
for some unhealthy eats,

so please tell us you got something.

Fried egg sandwiches
from the Bagel Broker.

- Nice.
- Yes!

Not the kind of garbage
I like to put in my body,

but you know my motto...

"When you have guests,
give them what they want. "

Yeah, you're running
the regular B&B over here, Drama.

We appreciate you
putting us up, Johnny.

Right, guys?

No need to thank me, fellas.

To house my kid brother and his
friends gives me nothing but pure joy.

Or as they say in Yiddish, nachas.

Besides, God has already rewarded
me for my good deeds.

Oh yeah? What did he do?
Un-recede your hairline?

No, dickhead. What he did was
finally answer an old prayer

- and deliver Donna Deveny to me.
- Who's Donna Deveny?

Only one of the finest pieces
of party-girl ass

this town has ever known.

I used to kick it with her
back in my whiskey-bar days,

but never officially closed it.

I've been dreaming
of fucking her ever since.

- When are you seeing her?
Today, bro.

- And Turtle, she's got a friend.
- What kind of friend?

- A hot one with a house in Malibu.
- Really?

Precisely the kind of girls we want
to be friends with come June and July.

What, no girl for me and E?

I got Walsh today.

I'll let you and Turtle
battle it out for the friend though.

What? It's only fair, right?

You wonder why
I'm whacking off late at night.

Hey, I just want you to know

I appreciate you guys not
leaving me home alone today.

And don't worry,
I'm going to be basically invisible.

You won't even know I'm there.

That's great, Vin, but just in case
you wind up not being so invisible,

could you try and at least take
Drama's girl and not mine?

Go fuck yourself, Turtle.

You wouldn't even have a girl
to get taken by Vince

- if it wasn't for me.
- Life sucks.

It's gonna be okay, Turtle. I promise.

Oh, shit. Look at this one.

Hey, Vince. What are you up to?

Not much, just being a fifth wheel
on my boys' double date.

- That sounds awful.
- Doesn't it?

Well, I'm gonna go hang out
at my friend's beach house.

Do you want to come?

Yes, I think I do. Excuse me.

You mind, Turtle?

No.

I told you it would be all right.

I would give my nuts
to be that guy for one day.

Well, if you had no nuts,
what would be the use?

Or would you then be hoping
that you had Vince's nuts?

What, no comeback?

You're too dumb to even respond to.

- Buenos dias.
- What up, dog?

Your English is getting better, Juan.
Oh, what's this?

The trailer Billy had me cut together
for next year's American Film Market.

Behind the greed,

behind the legend...

was the man.

- Wow, this looks great.
- Yeah.

- If only the movie looked so good.
- What?

What? Nothing. I didn't say anything.

There he is, fresh from
the dry cleaners!

My one and only favorite Suit.

- How are you doing, Billy?
- Come here, E, give me some love.

What do you think of the trailer?

What little I saw of it looks amazing.

It looks even better on replay.

Take this home
and finger yourself to it, Suit.

For your eyes only.
Consider it a little gift

for your kind words last night.

I know we haven't
always seen eye to eye,

but your support
for my vision of this film,

for allowing me
to make it the right way,

has taught me that artists
and capitalist pigs

might be able
to work together after all.

I'm making very little money
for a capitalist pig, Billy.

I didn't say you're good at it.

Seriously, through all this shit,

all that matters is that
we went off to war together

and came home with our limbs intact

and a fucking masterpiece
in the can, right?

- Right.
- Want a beer?

Sure.

I did have a few thoughts
though, Billy.

Thoughts?

Just some ideas
I wanted to talk to you about.

You mean like notes?

No, just some small changes

I thought might help
make the film play better.

Last night you said that you loved it.
What, you were lying?

- No, I think it's great.
- But?

- But I think it needs work.
- Well, fuck what you think,

because I love it and Vinnie
loved it, and I know he ain't lying.

And the Cannes people
are going to love it too.

- Cannes? Who's going to Cannes?
- We are.

I FedExed a print off to the
selection committee last week.

I'm just waiting to hear if we're in.

I thought we agreed
to wait for Sundance.

Fuck the dance. Been there done that.

I'm going to Cannes and coming home

with a Palme d'Or
and a Cote d'Azur tan.

Billy, yesterday you were scared
to death to show us the film.

Now it's ready
for the Cannes committee

without changing a single frame?

That's right. You're not
as smart as the frogs, Suit.

- I know they'll understand.
- This is not your decision.

Yes it fucking is.
I have final cut. You agreed to it.

Which means that I agreed not to
listen to a word you fucking say.

So no notes, not from you, not ever.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go do some
pranayama breathing exercises

and try to forget
this visit ever happened.

Your friend lives here?

Actually, he's a family friend.

But he lets me come use
his private beach whenever I want.

- Oh, nice for you.
- Yeah, he's a great guy.

And he's incredibly cool,

so don't get all charmed by him

and forget
that you came here to hang with me.

How cool could he be?

Do you think Dennis Hopper's cool?

Your friend is Dennis Hopper?

Yeah, my dad's been his lawyer
for, like, 20 years.

I love Dennis Hopper.

I'm also excited
to hang out with you of course.

You should be.

Yo, E. I'm at Dennis Hopper's house.

Yeah, well, enjoy it now,
Vince, because we got big problems.

What are you talking about?

Walsh submitted the movie
to Cannes without telling us.

Cannes? What happened to Sundance?

I don't know, he wants a Palme d'Or
or whatever the fuck it's called.

France could be fun.

The movie's not gonna
get into Cannes, Vince.

- It's not ready.
- Did you tell Billy what you thought?

Yeah, I tried to give him my notes.

He basically told me
to go fuck myself.

I told you not to upset him.

Upset him? I'm the one who's upset.

We hired the guy for his vision. What do
you say we just let him do his thing?

Let him do his thing. The French have
the biggest mouths in the world.

If this movie gets
rejected from Cannes,

the whole world is gonna
know the movie sucks.

It doesn't suck.
Would you stop saying that?

- Sammy.
- Hi.

- Sweetheart.
- I got to go.

- And Aquaman.
- Vince.

- It's Dennis Hopper, E! I got to go!
- Hey!

Vince, don't hang up on me.
Vince! Fuck.

Hi, how are you, Dennis?

Hey, great to meet you.
Come on in, come on in.

Yo, how does my breath smell?

Like Arnold's ass.

Don't do that shit again.

Don't make me insecure
right now, Turtle.

God made you that way.
Don't blame me.

Ring the doorbell, asshole.

- You got gum?
- Gum ain't gonna help what you got.

You need a stomach specialist.

Well, hello.

Mom, there's some guys here
to see you.

Mom? Just how old are
these broads, Drama?

Don't be an ageist, Turtle.

Besides, rumor had it
your girl gave the best rim job in L.A.

Trust me, you play
your cards right, by 4:00

you'll be sitting on her face
like a bidet.

Hey, Johnny.

Hey, gorgeous, how are you?

Mmm.

Turtle, say hello
to the one and only love of my 20s,

- Miss Donna Deveney.
- Oh, Johnny,

you're still as sweet as ever.

Hey, Turtle. How's it hanging?

You know, it's hanging.

Hey, Margery,
get out here, you fat whore!

- The boys are here!
- Calm your horses, you fat whore!

- We always call each other that.
- Hey, boys!

You remember Johnny, right?

Sure I do, from the old days.
You sold me coke at Bar One.

You must have me mistaken.
I never sold blow.

Maybe I just blew you.
Who can remember?

The '90s are such a blur.

This is his friend Turtle.
He's cute, huh?

Hey, what do you guys say we take
a couple shots before lunch?

- Whoo whoo whoo.
- Get a little loose.

Are you kidding? Loose is our middle
name. Right, Turtle?

Let's go. Let's go.

That's the best rim job in L.A?

Yeah, just ask Chuck Sheen.

Yes, E, I would say
being rejected by Cannes

before we have a distributor
would be a disaster...

One in a series of disasters
orchestrated by you

since you took the reins
of Vince's career.

- So what can we do, Ari?
- Well, let's see.

I could give you a hug

and say it's okay that you destroyed
your best friend's career.

Or B: I could have you come in here

and write on
the dry erase-board 500 times,

"I destroyed my best friend's career,

I destroyed my best friend's career. "
I'd go with B.

- Ari, there's genius in this movie.
- Is there?

Yeah, well, Walsh won't change
a fucking thing.

I got to get rid of him.

Rid of him? That's your boy.

You gave him final cut
even though I begged you not to.

Now you're going to have to live with it
or kill him.

Actually, that's a good idea.
Why don't you kill him,

then kill yourself?

Could you imagine
the outpouring of love and sympathy

when Vince loses both of you?

I can have him back on top in three
months. You owe him that much, E.

- Ari.
- All right, look.

The only way to get rid of Walsh

is to sell the movie to someone
who won't release his cut.

But no one could sell a shitty movie.
Well, maybe I could.

But no one could sell a shitty movie
no one's seen a fucking frame of.

What about a great trailer?
Could you sell a great trailer, Ari?

How great?

- Great house.
- Oh, thanks.

I'm sure you have a few just like it.

No actually,
right now I'm sort of homeless.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, there's no better way

to find out who you are
and what you're made out of

than living in the great outdoors.

I did 16 months
in a cave on "Apocalypse,"

and let me just tell you

that God is the finest decorator
I've ever had.

So what's the score, guys?

Still 0-0.

We call it nil-nil, Chucky, in soccer.

You follow soccer, Aquaman?

- Not really.
- Oh, great sport.

Pele turned me on to it
back in the day

when we were chasing
honeys together.

The great thing is,

no American bookie knows shit
about handicapping.

We've got a million bucks
riding on Manchester United.

- Wow.
- You want a part of the bet?

You can have 100k of mine.

It makes watching the game
a lot more interesting.

And it's a lock.

Actually, I was gonna take
Vince down to the beach.

Oh, if you would rather lay
on the beach with the girls

than gamble with the men,
I guess that's okay.

You know, maybe we can
hang with the guys

for a little bit,
if that's all right with you.

Besides, we do have
all night together, don't we?

Is that your way of saying
you'll make it up to me?

I'll certainly try.

- All right, let's watch the game.
- I'm in.

Now that's the spirit
that I'm talking about.

Now if somebody
would get their ass up

and give our super friend here
a couple of seats...

There you go. Thank you.

All right.

Vincent Chase.

"Medellin. "

I love Latin men in uniform.

- See? Gay Joe Public.
- I resent that.

Who cares what the movie looks like?

- Good trailer, sexy cast, boom!
- So what do you think?

I think I can sell it.
I can sell it for a lot.

To who?

- Harvey.
- Harvey?

He's been tracking this thing
since day one.

He hates us.

He's a businessman, Eric,
not your prom date

who still holds a grudge
because you didn't fuck her right.

We'll be fine. We'll go in there
with our hat in our hands.

Vince will show him
his $50-million smile. Harvey will bite.

I don't think
Vince is gonna wanna go, Ari.

Why not?

Well, he and I kind of have
differing views on the movie.

- Differing how?
- Well, he likes it.

He likes it?

Vince likes the movie?
Then why the fuck are you here?

Because he's wrong.
Look, I don't know if he's brainwashed

or he's scared
to not back his director.

I don't know, but he's wrong.

- Did you talk to him about this?
- No, I spoke to him.

- He hung up on me.
- He hung up on you?

Well, I'm hanging up on you in person.

Let me explain something to you.
I have two philosophies:

My client is always right,

and B: His manager is always

an overpaid useless pain in the ass.

Yeah, my two philosophies
are one: You're a dick,

and two: When you realize I'm right,
you're gonna know you're a dick.

You know what, Ari? Forget it,
I'll take care of this myself.

I'll see you later. Bye, Lloyd.

Jeez, there was such positive energy

in this room just a few moments ago.

Turtle, you remind me
of one of my son's friends.

Yeah, I got a familiar face.

Well, it's not your face
I'm interested in.

Why don't you walk ahead of me
so I can see

what kind ofjunk
you got in your trunk?

Actually, my mother
always taught me

it's impolite
to walk in front of a woman.

Oh! We got a shy one here, Donna!

Well, he's a turtle.
He'll come out of his shell.

- Good one, Donna.
I'll tell you what, Turtle,

you can check out my heinie for now

and show me yours later.

You are in for one
wild afternoon, pal.

So when you say I have no money,
Marvin, what do you really mean?

I mean you are busted, Vince.

Your balance is zero.

You're living off of
your American Express card, got it?

- Hmm.
- "Hmm"?

What the fuck does "hmm" mean?

- Well, I...
- Hey, want to take a walk?

Just one moment please.

Thank you.

All right, don't tell Eric,
because I don't want him nagging me,

but I may need you
to stake me 100 grand.

100 grand? For what?

Well, I kind of went in on a bet
with Dennis Hopper

on Manchester United and we're down.

Are you out of your mind, Vince?
What do you know about soccer?

Get the fuck out of there!

I already placed the bet,
Marvin, I can't just walk out.

Bullshit! You put one foot
in front of the other

and move them.

Hold on, Marvin. I'm getting a call
that may make me some money.

- Vince!
- Hey, Ari, what's up?

Do you know that your man broke
out of the Oompa Loompa factory

- and is up to no good?
- What do you mean?

Hi, Eric Murphy for Harvey.

Oh, you can have a seat.
I'll let him know you're here.

Thank you.

- Hey.
- Did you tell Ari the movie sucked?

Yeah, I did.

E, I'm having a hard
enough day as it is.

I thought we agreed
you weren't gonna be negative.

Look, I didn't agree to anything,
all right? You hung up on me.

I'm not being negative.
I'm being realistic.

The movie needs work.

Since when did you become
a filmmaker?

- What's that supposed to mean?
- It means you're new to this.

You don't know
what to look for in a first cut,

much less how to fix one.

Oh, what, so my opinion
doesn't count?

E, when you were managing
your restaurant,

what did you think when a customer
told you how to do your job?

Oh, please. You did not just
seriously just fucking say that.

Vince, I'm the producer of this movie.
I deserve to be heard.

Is that what this is about?
Your ego? You're not feeling heard?

Fuck you.
I put my own money into this.

Yeah, and now what?

You're panicking. I'll buy you out
right now if you don't believe in it.

- You're broke, big shot.
Yeah!

I got something in the works.

Eric, Harvey will see you now.

Yeah, me too.

E, don't hang up on me.

- Are you ready?
- Yes, how are you today?

- I'm okay. How are you?
- Nice to meet you.

Check out how long my tongue is.

We might have a record holder here.

Well, it's good for those
hard-to-reach places.

Yeah, well if anyone's
got hard-to-reach places, it's Turtle.

- Whoo-whoo.
- He's kidding.

Oh, too bad.

What do you guys say
we get out of here and go fuck?

I say "Check please!"

- What...
- I'm gonna go freshen up.

- Okay.
- I'll go with you.

I'm out of here, Drama. There's no way
I'm fucking that old lady.

Jesus, Turtle,
how would you like it

if someone talked about
your mother like that?

If my mother was out
chasing guys half her age

or two-thirds her age,
she'd deserve it.

Look, you can't bail on me.
I need you here.

The only way I'm gonna get Donna
alone is if you keep Margery busy.

Well, get her a deck of cards

and some friends to play mah jongg
with because I'm gone.

Come on, Turtle! 16 years I've been
dying to bang this broad.

Take one for the team,

like I did for you that time you set me
up with a girl with the clubfoot.

At least that girl was a nine
from the ankles up.

Come on, Turtle, don't leave.
I'm begging you, please.

Fine, all right,
but you owe me for life.

- Yes, I owe you for life.
- Mm-hmm.

Are we still gonna split
this down the middle?

Our last meeting at Sundance
was unpleasant.

Yeah, a little bit.

Well, I tend to get overexcited
sometimes.

You did fuck me though.

And I have to apologize for that.

Yeah, no, you really fucked me.
I thought we had a deal.

- Again, I'm sorry.
- I fuck people.

- I don't like getting fucked.
- No one does.

You're not trying
to fuck me again here?

No no. No no no.

Because I've been
following "Medellin"

for a long time

and I've heard some not such
great things from inside sources.

Well, I don't know what inside
sources you have, Harvey, but...

You'll never know. That's why
they call them inside sources.

Look, Harvey,
I know there's a great movie in here.

I was there. I know what we shot.

But this guy Walsh needs to be recut.

I know you're the guy that can bring
the brilliance out of this movie.

I want you to look at this.

I think you'll get a better idea
of what we're talking about.

- You wanna get rid of your director?
- I do.

My kind of producer.

Carol, put that up on the big screen.

We'll look at it together now.

We're looking good, Aquaman.
We're looking good.

I don't know. We're down by one
with less than a minute to go.

Yeah, but we got
a penalty kick coming up.

Man U's got
the best penalty kickers in the game.

- Best in the game.
- We're going into overtime.

Trust me, I am never wrong.
Am I ever wrong, guys?

Never wrong. Not about soccer.

- Not about movies.
- Not about financial services.

Okay, now shut the fuck up.

Everybody quiet. Here it comes.

- Fuck!
- Oh man, he guessed right.

Man, see that?
Jeez.

Well, it's only money, right, Aquaman?

Yeah, Dennis, about that.

When are you gonna need the money?

Because I didn't bring any cash...

What's with all the noise?
You guys woke me up.

Manchester just fucking lost.

- They did?
Yeah.

- Oh, shit.
- Yeah, shit's right.

No, Dennis.
I forgot to call in the bets.

Really?

Then I guess we all
just caught a lucky break!

Yes, all right!

All right! Whoo!

So you want to take a walk
down to the beach now, Vince?

I would love to take
a walk down to the beach.

Hey, Aquaman, Brazil is playing next.

They are a lock. Now are you in?

Definitely.

All right, that's my man.

Lordy lordy, she hasn't aged an inch.

Hey, boys.

You know there's no way
I can do this, right, Drama?

Yeah, I get it, Turtle.
You don't have to.

Just sit there and hold your dick
and don't fuck it up for me.

All right.

Oh yeah, you sexy thing.

Actually, Johnny,
Margery and I were talking,

and we thought
we'd mix things up a bit.

Mix things up a bit how?

I thought I reminded you
of your son's friend.

Yeah, the one
I always wanted to fuck.

You got to be shitting me.

Oh, I'm sorry, Johnny.
You know I like my boys young.

And you just aren't so anymore.

Oh, let them go, honey.

You're in for the best afternoon
of your life!

We have almost the same blood.

How did my life go so wrong?

Genetic mutations can be so cruel.

- Hey.
- Hey, E.

This is Sam.

Hey Sam.
- Hi.

- When you get a second, can we talk?
- Sure.

Thanks.

Uh-oh, I think I'm in trouble.

- I'll be right back.
- All right.

So how was the day, boys?

Well, Drama's got
the cleanest asshole in America

and I learned that
passion begins after 40.

- I'd say it was a pretty good day.
- It sounds like it.

Yo, what's up?

Can you guys give us a minute?

- It's my house, E.
- Johnny.

- Yeah, sure, bro.
- Yeah, who knows?

Maybe I'll even take a girl
from you this time, Vince.

Because after all,
I am on a hot streak.

Shut up, Turtle.

Yeah, this ain't a house.
It's a condo and it ain't a big one.

So you're mad at me?

- You called me pizza boy.
- No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.
You called me pizza boy just like Ari.

I was pissed. I was down
100 grand on a soccer game.

- What?
- Yeah, don't worry. I got it all back.

- And I won $100,000 on Brazil.
- Are you fucking kidding me?

No, come on.
You wanna hit the Palm for lobbies?

Come on, it's a good day.

- No it's not. I'm pissed.
- I'm sorry.

You know what?
Don't give me that shit.

You know, you tell me
I'm not a filmmaker, and that's fine.

But you know what?
I found the script.

You didn't and Ari didn't.
I picked the director.

And I got somebody to buy this movie

and bail us
out of our financial problems.

- What do you mean?
- I brought it to Harvey.

He wants it, Vince.
I got him to make us an offer.

$25 million.
It takes final cut away from Billy.

It's what's best for us
and it's what's best for the movie.

- You got an offer?
- Yeah.

And if we get rejected
from Cannes and that goes public

we may never get an offer
like that again.

You got an offer off a trailer?

That is amazing.

Yeah, I can spin some dough, huh?

Look, E, I know you're doing
what you think is best,

and I was wrong
about what I said today.

And I do appreciate how much
you really have done. I really do.

- But is it possible you're wrong too?
- How?

About the movie.
Maybe you really are too close.

- Is that possible?
- Well yeah, maybe,

but I'd like to be protected
in case we don't get into Cannes.

- We did get into Cannes.
- What?

The movie got into Cannes.
I just talked to Walsh an hour ago.

I don't believe it.

Well, believe it, because you made...
We made a great film.

A film I don't think we should sell
until we get to the festival.

- We got into Cannes?
- Maybe you should watch it again.

Maybe.