Entourage (2004–2011): Season 3, Episode 9 - Vegas Baby, Vegas! - full transcript

Ari wants Vince to work on his image, but is seduced to follow the boys to Vegas, where 'infallible card player' Vince promises to win a fortune. Drama books his favorite masseur, former football star Ken, for 24 hours. Constant praise brings the stud to an unusual, alas wasted intimate move. Turtle manages to land the position of delegating the strippers contest judging, or in his mind 'the perks'.

So they're just gonna
give him 100 grand?

Cash, in a bag,
that's correct.

Just to show up
to a party?

Just to show up.
You don't even have to smile, Vin.

- Only in America.
- No, only in Vegas.

So what do you say, E?
Should we go?

Well, seeing that you told
the Hollywood Foreign Press

that the whole town
is a bunch of dickheads,

I don't think anybody's
gonna miss us.

- What you're saying is, we should go.
- Have I ever said no to Vegas?

Be like saying no
to a blowjob.



What do you say,
Johnny? Vegas?

Uh, love to, bro, but I'm
shooting my pilot on the 30th.

- I gotta stay rested.
- You're turning down Vegas, Drama?

I'm gonna be turning down
a lot of things, Turtle,

now that I'm a working actor.
Better get used to it.

You know, Johnny, there are many
different Vegases.

You could go
and just spot.

Don't you have that masseuse
you love over there?

Oh, yeah,
Ken at the Hard Rock.

He's got hands of gold.

It's insane that you
let a man rub your body.

No, what's insane is that you think
a massage is sexual.

A real massage requires
strong, manly hands,

which my boy Ken
has got in spades.



After 24 hours with Ken,

I'm ready for work.
Absolutely, bro, I'm in.

Nice. Let's do it.

- Who's gonna break the news to Ari?
- Oh...

be happy to.

Vin, this is not
the time to go to Vegas.

You've got a serious
public image problem right now.

That's why I'm going, Ari.

Hoping by the time I get back,
everyone will have forgotten about it.

Come on, Vinnie, listen,
we need to get you a job.

- You read any of those scripts?
- I brought 'em with.

Thought you might
read 'em to me.

- What do you mean?
- I mean, we could use a chaperone.

- Help keep us out of trouble.
- I'm not going to Vegas on a Wednesday.

- Come on, what else you got to do?
- I have the theater

with the wife
and her mother tonight.

Move over, I'm in.

Nice relaxing Wednesday
may be just what I need.

Vegas, baby, Vegas!

I'm sorry, baby,
you know I'd rather be

at "Menopause, the Musical"
tonight than here, but I got kidnapped!

- It's true!
- You see that, baby?

- Will you sign this?
- I'm sorry, honey...

- Hello? Hello?
- Is she mad?

She said she'd rather
see me gagged and bound

like a real kidnappee,
yeah, so I think so.

Oh, all right, here comes
the apology.

Hey, baby.

I put $6 million
into this company

and find out at the staff meeting
that you're at the roulette table?

- Oh, hey, Babs, how are ya?
- What the fuck are you doing, Ari?

I'm taking care of a high-priority
client, that's what I'm doing.

- You have 150 clients to keep happy.
- ARl: Barbara...

You need to manage
your time more efficiently.

- You're not my mother, Babs.
- Fuck you, Ari.

See, my mother would
never speak to me that way.

I hate women!

Not all women.

Who's got five?

Ready and waiting, bro.

- What's this?
- Tradition.

When we were kids, we'd hit AC,
we'd put five bucks on red.

We win, we knew it'd
be a good weekend.

ARl: What if you lose?
Vince never loses.

Five on red.

Come on!

Red 16.

- It's gonna be a good weekend.
- Keep the change, bro.

Hey, Vinnie, what do you say
we go halves?

We'll do like
a gambling partnership.

- Okay, Ari, you're on.
- All right.

- Hey! Vinnie Chase.
- Seth.

- What's up, dude?
- What's up?

You here for that thing
at Body English tonight?

- Yeah.
- Cool, yeah, me too. It should be fun.

- I brought my whole crew out.
- Definitely.

- You know Ari Gold, my agent?
- Never met, big fan.

That's funny dude.

That pinky bought me
a house in Malibu.

Malibu!

And I think you know E.

How you doing, Seth?
Good to see you again.

How you doing, man? How'd that thing
work out for you at the hotel?

Like I said,
it wasn't what it looked like.

Like I said, it never is.

So, how's Sloan, man?

She's still good, Seth.

Cool, hey, do me a favor.
Tell her I said "What up," okay?

Yeah, I will.
I'll tell her that.

- All right. See ya.
See ya.

- What's up, Seth?
- Oh, Johnny Drama.

- How you doing, man?
- Did you hear about my pilot?

- No! Congratulations!
- Thanks, bro.

Good for you, man!
You could use the work.

What the fuck is up
with this guy?

Every time I see him,
he asks me about Sloan

and he's got a shit-eating
grin on his face.

- Don't get all panicky, E.
- Seriously, E,

you'd be jealous
if he said they were cousins.

- What does that mean?
- It means you're a jealous guy.

Always have been.
- Bullshit.

Face it E, you're like
Eric Roberts in "Star 80."

How would you know?

- I've heard stories.
- Yeah? Name one example.

Andy Abetemarco,
10th grade.

You punched him in the head
just because he got assigned

to be Audrey Polini's
lab partner.

There's more to that story,
Turtle, he stole her frog.

- Hey, you know they got married?
- Really?

No, but see,
you're still jealous.

- Whatever.
- Whatever, exactly.

- I don't think Seth meant anything.
- All right.

Nice room, Turtle.

Hey, boys,
fruit's all green.

Whoa, easy with that, Ari.

It's from Body English.

Ah! 100k, Vince.

Nice.

Hey Vinnie, who'd you
have to fuck to get that?

No fucking, Ari.
I just have to go to a party.

Not according
to this itinerary.

Says you also gotta be at a pool event
this afternoon and then drinks

- with the contestants tonight.
- Contestants?

Yeah, says you're judging
a beauty contest.

- Queen of the Strip.
- Sounds like a bonus.

Sounds like I don't know
what you got us into as usual.

So far it all looks
pretty good, doesn't it?

Yeah, we'll see about that.
I'm gonna go check it out.

I'm comin' with you.
Hey, Vinnie, go win us some money.

God damn, I feel at ease.

I'm out.

You brought your own robe?

Why wouldn't I?

- Mind if we join you?
Sure.

- I'll take some chips, please.
- All of it?

- Well, 10 is yours, do what you want.
- Really?

Yeah, man. Commission.
You earned it.

Thank you, Vince!

Uh-oh.
- You... you booked him into this?

- Turtle did.
- Nice job managing.

This should be great
for his image.

What are you doing?

I'm on vay-cay.

Getting a cocktail.

All right. What are we drinking?

Yes, we have you
down for it...

- Johnny!
- Hey, Ken!

- It's been a while.
- How are ya, buddy?

Good to see ya.
You look great. You look great.

I lost a couple pounds.

- Yeah, it shows.
- Thanks.

What have you got there?

California almonds.
I remember last time I was in town

you said you couldn't
find a decent almond in the desert,

so I thought, well...

Wow. I can't believe
you remembered.

That's really thoughtful.

I got an elephant's brain, Ken.
I remember everything.

- You ready?
- Yeah, let's do it,

I'm stressed
like a motherfucker.

A little of that, a little
of this, some of that...

All right, come on, baby!
Come on!

Yes!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

He should just cancel this.

Definitely.

- He's up 2500.
- Oh yeah?

That means I'm up 1250.
Drinks are on me, E.

- One more for the road?
- Definitely.

Oh Ken, you have
not lost your touch.

All these compliments
are gonna make me insecure.

Well don't be.
You've got the gift.

- No doubt.
- Thanks.

In fact, I'd like to lock you
down for the rest of the day.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

I'll double your rate.

'Cause I don't want
these hands touching anyone but me.

Ooh...

Hit me.

Sorry, sir.
- Hey, you can't stay hot forever.

- Hit.
- Ah, but Turtle can!

Hey, jerkoff,
you signed him up

- to judge a stripper contest.
- Really?

- Titties?
- It's a stripper contest.

- Nice.
- Vin, you should cancel.

- I agree.
- Can't cancel.

Yeah, you can.
You didn't sign anything.

- Just give the money back.
- Money's gone, E.

- What are you talking about?
- I hit a little cold streak.

You lost 100 grand?

- Something like that.
- But we're partners.

Oh, shit, I forgot.

Means I'm only really down 50.

Shoulda partnered up with me, Ari.
I'm up 1200.

I get to two grand,

I'm keeping it stashed
to buy me a high class ho.

But Turtle,
I already gave you 10.

I only pay for pussy
with profits.

I thought you
never lose, Vin.

It's not a loss
till we leave Nevada.

- I'll win it back. Don't you worry.
- I'm worried, Vin.

- I'm worried!
- If you want out, cut your losses...

What, and miss the boat when you go
on a million dollar run?

- No way, count me in.
- All right.

Vince, you gotta
blow off this stripper thing, man.

- No, let's go, it'll be fun.
It will be.

And we gotta be at the pool
for the meet-and-greet in five minutes.

- That'll definitely be fun.
- Let's do it.

Fuck the pool,
let's win our money back.

You don't care about him judging
a stripper contest, Ari?

Which is worse
for his image?

That he judges
a stripper contest,

or he loses a couple hundred thousand
at the fucking tables?

Table's not going
anywhere, calm down.

Hey, yo, E!

Hey, did you tell Sloan
I said "What up"?

- No, Seth.
- Why not?

Because it was like
a half an hour ago.

It's just a phone call, man.
Make the call.

- Say "What up. "
- Yeah, E.

Make the call,
say "What up. "

So this dickhead is saying what,
that he fucked my girlfriend?

I don't know, E.

It's hard to say
what he was saying.

It's not hard to say. Seth Green
landed on Plymouth Rock

- before you did, E. Wake up.
- No shot.

I'm so not interested in this! Can we
please go out there and win some money?

- Please, Vinnie!
- The strippers aren't even here yet.

Look, E, it could've
been years ago.

The guy's been running around Hollywood
since he was like 12.

And Sloan does
like her men petite.

Fuck that. I know
every guy she's been with.

How?
What, did you make a list?

Yeah, Turtle. Couples make lists. You
wouldn't know that for obvious reasons.

Where the fuck are these girls!
Somebody...

What Ari, you and your wife
didn't make lists?

- We did. I'm the only one on it.
- Yeah, right.

Look E, I don't
wanna rile you up,

but I've done
the list thing.

What, did you hand
over a hard drive, Vin?

It was big. But I did leave
some off. Everyone does.

So what,
you're saying that...

that Sloan left
Seth Green off the list?

I think everybody leaves
someone off the list.

Except you.

I'm calling.

Ain't you gonna
call your wife, Ari?

I don't care if my wife's getting fucked
right now, Turtle,

I need to get
my money back!

- Oh!
- Uh-oh.

- Hi, Vince.
- Hello.

I'm Joanne, but I go
by the stage name of Cheyenne.

I understand you're
judging the contest.

- Yes...
- Is there anything I can do

- to get you to vote for me?
- Yeah, Vince,

what's a girl gotta do
to get a vote around here?

Come on, Vince, we're gonna get
stuck here all day. Let's go.

Girls, due to circumstances
beyond my control...

- Me!
- I have to go.

But talk to my boy, Turtle, here.

He's the eyes, mouth
and ears of this operation.

- Enjoy.
- First, the commission, now this?

This is like Christmas.

- Hi, Turtle.
- How you doin'?

So you're really
his eyes and ears?

Ken, whatever happened
to that pretty little

Filipino girlfriend
of yours, Annie?

Sore subject.

She just moved out
a week ago.

Fuck her.

Hands like yours...
her loss.

- Still hurts.
- Yeah, I hear you, Ken.

You know what?

Johnny Drama's got just the cure
for your heartbreak.

Really? What's that?

Boys' night out.

Just a good steak,
nice bottle of red,

couple cigars
and some good conversation.

You do that, Ken,
and you'll forget

all about women
in no time.

I don't usually go out
socially with clients, Johnny.

Ken, I'd like to think
after all this time

you look at me as more
than just a client.

Oh, Eric.
He's so annoying.

Annoying how?

We were on a teen
tour together,

and he was obsessed with me
for like the entire trip.

- But you never dated him?
- No, Eric, I never dated him.

This is a tough
competition, girls,

and what,
with a $25,000 prize,

everybody needs an edge.

Fortunately for you,

I left my integrity
back in Los Angeles.

My vote is 100% for sale.

Hit me.

Jesus!

ARl: What the fuck are you
smirking about?

Huh?
Where are you going?

Oh, I'm not feeling it right now.
You can't force the cards.

- How much are we down?
- Uh, 110. Each.

Jesus!

- We'll get it back after dinner.
- I'm not hungry, Vinnie.

You take the reins,
maybe you'll have better luck.

Don't go too crazy, I don't wanna lose
more than 500 grand.

Bring it.
Bring it!

So you talked to her,

- and she said nothing happened?
- Right.

Why's he trying to make
it like something did?

'Cause he's a jerkoff.

- Why are you so calm?
- The old E

would not have been able
to control himself.

The old E,
"Mad Dog" E,

woulda bit
Seth Green's ear off.

Guys, I'm a grown man.
I don't fight anymore.

Oh, way to be mature.

Yeah, you're really entering
your latter years gracefully.

Speaking of latter years...

Fuck off, E.

How relaxed do I look?

Mmm, you look like
you died in 1983.

Wait till you see me
after a shower,

I'm gonna sparkle
like the 4th of July.

Wait till you see dinner.
I got 10 of the best strippers in town

- joining us tonight.
Oooh!

Strippers? Why?

Now, shouldn't it be,
strippers, how

- and thank you?
- Thank you.

Look, we don't want girls
at the table tonight.

I'm just trying to keep this
trip free of distractions.

We? Who's we?

Ken. He's gonna be
joining us tonight.

You don't want
strippers at dinner

'cause your gay masseuse
is joining us?

I'm really starting
to worry about you, Drama.

Oh please, Turtle,
Ken is not gay.

In fact, if I release him
on the strippers tonight,

you're gonna be
shit out of luck.

Oh, please. Bring it on.

So, have you seen
"Brokeback Mountain," Kenneth?

Nah. I don't get
to the movies.

When I'm not working,
I'm usually training.

- Training for what?
- Well, it's probably too late for me,

but I still dream
of the NFL.

- You play ball?
- Ken was a superstar at U of A.

I don't know
about superstar.

Oh, yes.
Yes you were.

And a second-round draft pick
for the San Diego Chargers.

Went 74 yards
and three receptions

in his first NFL quarter,
then blew out his knee.

Fucking Astroturf.

That sucks, man.

You really do remember
everything, Johnny.

- Elephant brain.
- Turtle, girls.

Watch this.

- Hey, Shelby.
- Hi, Turtle.

- Crystal.
- Hi, Turtle.

- Tiffany.
- Hi, sweetie.

- This is Bunny.
- Hey, Turtle.

And Minx.

Yo, E, be cool.

I'm cool, Vince.
I'm totally cool.

What do ya got, what do ya got?
Come on, come on.

Show me a little love,
little love, little love.

What do ya think...
fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Can I have another marker?

Please?
Please...

This is Mt. Kilimanjaro,

one of the tallest mountains
on earth and it's freezing.

So I say to this girl,

"I'd be happy to give up
my canteen for you,

but what are you
gonna give up for me?"

Fantastic.

Oh, Ken.

I gotta hit the head.
I'll be right back.

So?

- I love him.
- I told you.

Let's hit the bar.

Maybe I should check on Ari,
see how he's doing.

He can't be doing
any worse than you.

Oh, it's Vinnie Chase
and the chasers!

Hey, let me get
a couple more Jager shots

- for the boys from Queens over there.
- No thanks.

What's the matter,
you don't drink, Eric?

I drink vodka, Seth. I stopped drinking
Jager in high school.

Oh!

But listen, I told Sloan
you said "What up. "

Mmm.
What'd she say?

She said "What up. "

- That's all?
- That's all.

All right.
All right.

You tell her I said
"What up" back.

Yeah, man. Don't forget to tell her
he said "What up" back.

What is wrong with these guys?
They're like retards.

Yeah, but you were calm.

Yeah, but is it gonna last though, E?
Or are we doing battle?

We're not doin' battle, Drama.
It ain't gonna happen.

All right.

All this testosterone
has put a kink in my neck.

I'm gonna have to get
Ken to work that out.

Better hurry up, Drama, looks like
he's working one out right now.

Christ almighty.

Oh, that's Amber.

Country girl,
promised me three days

in her father's cabin
in Montana if she wins.

Turtle, I know it's
a stripper contest,

but I can't pick someone
'cause she promised to fuck you.

I don't care who wins.
I cut deals with all of 'em.

Uh, sweetheart,
this guy's with me tonight.

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to relax
before the competition.

Sorry, sister,
I got my own problems.

Fuck you!

- I'm feeling good, Ari. Let me sit.
- Ari, relax.

- How much we down?
- 200 and fuckin' 70!

We can get that back.

You're gonna get thrown
outta here, calm down.

He's a little upset.

I'll take another marker
for 100,000 please. Thanks, Sam.

So, Ken, did you get to sample those
almonds I gave you?

Oh, they were terrific, John.

Brought me right back
to my childhood.

Yeah, I knew
you'd appreciate 'em.

Oh, crap.

They must have
closed shop early tonight.

Oh, no, no, no...

How 'bout we just
reconvene in the morning?

No, no. There's no way I can sleep
without a rubdown.

Let's take it back
to my room, huh?

Uh...
yeah... okay.

- Split 'em.
- How much is that?

- 75 grand.
- Now 150.

Gotta do it. Split 'em again.

I once saw a guy
split six times straight.

- No choice. Double down.
- Vinnie, that's 300 grand.

We're gonna win it all
back on this hand.

Yeah, or my kids are going
to community college.

I'll take this hand
myself if you want.

- Sorry.
- It's okay.

I'd like to split
these please.

- You're gonna split kings?!
- Yeah. What's it to you?

I got 150 grand on this hand,
I don't want you fucking up my cards.

Sir, you have
to let him play his way.

- He's playing like a fucking idiot!
- Sir...

Ari, calm down.
Ari, relax.

You're gonna get thrown out of
the casino with 300,000 on the table.

- Calm down...
- We'll take care of it later, Ari.

Looks like I knew
what I was doing, huh?

No, it looks like
you took her break card.

Dealer has 11.

Looks like she
would've had 21.

I think an apology
is in order.

Oh!

Somebody shoot me
and put me out of my fucking misery.

If only it weren't a crime.

Ari, remain positive.

Summon the cards you desire.

Get a higher power
from above. Come on!

Can't hurt to try.

Please, God,
give us another 10!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Am I getting that apology?

You know what, man?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Come here.
Give it to me.

You know, I don't
have my table

or anything, Johnny.

That's okay. We can just use
the bed, right?

- I guess.
- Cool, I'll go get changed.

Oh, hey, Ken, I got a nice pineapple-
coconut-aloe-vera gel.

Is that cool?

What the fuck are you doing, Ken?

Johnny, I have never

thought about a man...
in that way.

But the adoration
you have poured on me today

has made me
feel that if...

this is something
that you need,

fuck it...
it is Vegas!

Johnny!

Looks like they
started already.

No, this is
just the pre-show.

Well, now that
we're up 100 grand,

we should have a post-show up in
the suite. What do you say, Turtle?

I already ordered
four bottles of Cristal

and 400 chocolate-covered
strawberries.

- Nice.
- Does money won feel better

- than money earned, or am I nuts?
- You're nuts.

Oh! It's the "We don't
drink Jager" crew! What up, E?

This fucking guy, man.

Hey, did you tell Sloan
I said "What up" again?

No, Seth, I think one
time was all she needed.

What's that mean?

It means she said you
used to be obsessed with her.

I don't think she needs to feel like
you're still obsessed with her.

- She said I was obsessed with her?
- Yeah, sorry to say.

No, that's all right.
No apologies necessary.

I mean, in reality,
it's more like...

she was obsessed
with this.

Hey, you know what?
Keep fucking dreaming, Seth.

- Keep dreaming.
- Oh, you're right.

I must have been dreaming about how
I blasted her in the face

like a Jackson Pollock.

You got a problem?

- Get your fucking hand off me, man.
- No, but I do!

This ought to be good
for your image, Vince.