Entourage (2004–2011): Season 3, Episode 7 - Strange Days - full transcript

So let me get this straight:

You wake up snuggling
a girl that you didn't even get to fuck?

I'm not repeating
myself again.

- It's disgusting.
- What is disgusting about that, Drama?

What's disgusting
is the only reason

a guy should be forced
to snuggle a girl

is if he's allowed
to fuck her first.

Or at least if she promises
she'll fuck him later.

- Who snuggles in a threesome anyway?
- Question.

- Who uses the word snuggle?
- E and E.

Men spoon, E.
Women snuggle.



I'm glad you're in
on this too, Vince.

What?
Come on, it was funny.

Besides, I just got fired.
I need a good laugh.

Well, you can laugh in the car.
I promised Sloan

I'd look at her setup for tonight.
I want you guys to come.

We're going to her
charity event tonight,

why do we have to go
again this morning?

Because Tori'll be there and it'll
be freakin' awkward.

If you guys are there I can say we're
going to lunch,

otherwise I might get stuck.

Okay, fine, E.
If you need us to go, we'll go.

Okay?
Right, guys?

- Yeah, of course.
- All right, we'll go.

We'll go. But what
you really need, E,



is a good snuggle.
Get over here!

Just checking in, Eric,
wanted to see how our boy is holding up.

He wants to know
how you're doing.

Well, besides the fact
that the "L.A. Times" compared me

to Terrell Owens, I'm doing great.

- You hear that, Ari?
- Yeah, the Eagles got rid of T.O.

And look where they landed.

"Aquaman 2" is gonna
make "Speed 2"

look like
"Citizen fucking Kane. "

All right, you tell Vince
we will bounce back.

You can tell him yourself
at Sloan's event tonight, right, Ari?

Ah, come on, Ari.
It's for a good cause.

Help her out.
It would mean a lot to me.

I get hard thinking about the fact
that you actually like me, E.

However, I am sitting down
with your father-in-law

for the first time in nine months.

If all goes well,
I promise you

that I will try to show up if you
promise me not to wear any panties.

- Bye, Ari.
- Bye, Eric.

- Ari!
- I hoped you sharpened your fangs, Bar,

because it is go time.

Hold that!

Terrance.

Ari, you look a little haggard.
Everything all right?

It's called aging, Terrance.
Not everyone can stay young

by sucking the blood
of their employees.

Gentlemen, let's keep
this civil. I suggest...

Ari, you and I are both
born negotiators.

So let's keep the legal eagles
out of this, shall we?

- Absolutely.
- Good.

Now, in the interest
of putting this

whole sordid mess
behind us,

I think you'll find
this offer very generous.

We've been here before.
You know what? Save a tree,

say it out loud.

I'm prepared to offer you

$4 million.

Four?

Okay, first let me counter
by saying "Fuck you. "

You see,
while you were off

on your eight-year
"sabbatical"...

sailing, duck hunting,

whatever the fuck
it is you do...

I took that agency
from the midlevel shithole it was

to the powerhouse
it currently is

- and I can prove it.
- And I thought I had an ego.

You want to go
to court? Let's.

I got nothing but time.

Or have you forgot I got a very rich
wife who loves to spoil me.

Let's get the fuck
out of here.

Wait.

10 million.

- 12 million.
- Fine.

- 11 it is.
- You got yourself a deal.

Thank fucking God!

Yeah!

Way to earn your commission
in there, Bar.

So what's your
opening line gonna be?

- Fuck off.
I don't think they'll like that.

Just make sure you say hello to Sloan
first, everything will be fine.

- Thanks for that tip, Drama.
- Look, if you don't want us here...

Just get in here.

- Hey.
- Hi, baby, how are you?

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Hi, guys.
- What's up?

Hey.

- The place looks amazing.
- Yup.

Thank you.

Yeah, you guys really
work well together.

So, Sloan,
I think it's great

what you're doing here and I just want
to say if there's anything

I can do to help tonight,
I'm down with the cause.

Really? Anything?

- Anything.
- That is great,

because we're supposed to auction off
a dinner date with Zach Braff,

but he literally
just bailed.

Anything else?

- No, that's it.
- Whatever you need.

Thank you so much.

Oh, the flower guys.
Hold on one second.

Hello.

Yeah.
Yeah yeah yeah...

I'm gonna go back to the hotel and work
on my tan, so I'll see you guys later.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

- Peace.
- Goodbye, Eric.

Later.

Ooh yeah.

Jesus, and you thought
you wanted to get in and out fast.

- She was cold, right?
Cold?

She ran from you like a chicken
with a bad cough.

- What does that mean?
- It's an avian flu reference.

Oh, good one.

This is not good.

E, I don't know what
you're obsessing about.

She thinks I'm a freak.

You hit her with the unsolicited
snuggle, you are a freak.

You know what, take me home. I'm gonna
drive over to her hotel and apologize.

What? Apologize?
For snuggling her?

For invading her space.
I don't know.

You're a sensitive guy, E.

- It's kinda queer.
- Whatever.

You know what, Drama?
He is sensitive.

Maybe we should
all go with him.

Thanks, Turtle, but I don't
need support on this one.

Wasn't going for support. Was going
to see Tori's ass in a bathing suit.

Ah, the girls
from Wisteria Lane.

Which one of you is hiding a large
black man in your basement?

Funny, Ari.
What are you doing here?

I came here to tell you, honey,
that our marriage is a sham

and the last 15 years
have meant nothing.

- What are you talking about?
- I came here to tell you

that I want it to actually
mean something this time.

Oh my God!

- Ari!
- Let me put it on you, baby.

- Oh my God.
- Look at that.

Whip 'em out, ladies.
Let's see who's got the biggest.

- I take it the meeting went well.
- It went well, baby.

Let me show you how well it went.
I'm stealing the bride-to-be, everyone.

- Where are we going?
- It's a secret.

Lunch is on me provided that Joyce,
you still have your stomach stapled.

Fuck you, Ari. Just for that I'm
ordering a bottle of Cristal.

The new Gold Standard.
It's gonna make the Endeavor building

look like a fucking
Dunkin' Donuts.

Oh my God,
it is huge.

It'll house 150 agents.

All of whom, if they're
sexually harassed,

have only one person
to sue... me.

Ari, can we afford this?

Baby, listen, we've been
planning this for nine months.

With this money all
the pieces are in place.

I know you're scared.
But it's time.

Just say yes.

Yes.

Let's go take a lap
in the executive Jacuzzi.

- You've got a Jacuzzi in here?
- Not yet,

- but they'll put one in.
- No, they're not.

- We could talk about it.
- We just did.

- I don't know. Maybe I can bribe you.
- Here?

Ari, are you out
of your mind?

Oh!

- Eric. Yo, what's up, E?
- Hey, Seth. What's going on?

- How are you?
- I'm good, I'm good.

How's Vince, man? I can't believe
they fired him. That is brutal.

It's for the best really.
Frees us to do other projects

- we're more interested in.
- Good.

Sorry about your show
getting canceled.

Oh yeah, what are you
gonna do, man?

Nobody believed that four guys in their
30s were gonna live together.

Yeah, well I lived
at the guest house until last year.

You get moved up to the maid's quarters
now? I'm kidding.

How's Sloan?

She's good.
You know Sloan?

Yeah, I know Sloan.
She's a great girl, man.

- Yeah.
- You guys doing all right?

- Yeah, good. I'll tell her you said hi.
- You should.

- Eric?
- Hey, Tori.

Oh, excuse me.

- It's not what it looks like, Seth.
- It never is, man.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Can we get a drink?

Um, yeah, sure.

All right, look, I just wanted to come
by and apologize.

- For what?
- For the other day.

- You know, the way we woke up.
- You mean the way I woke up.

Yeah. It was completely
unintentional.

Well, obviously,
I mean, you were sleeping.

Exactly. I was
as surprised as you were.

But I just prefer
if we didn't tell Sloan.

I mean, she might think it was weird.
I mean, it was a little weird, right?

Well, I mean,
actually waking up

with you spooning me
was kind of funny

but I think Sloan would think it was a
lot weirder that you're here right now.

Well, the only reason
I came here was to apologize.

I hope so.

Why else would I be here?

Eric, I have no idea.
I hardly know you.

But let me tell you
something about me.

The other night was fun
and nothing more.

I know.

And Sloan is a really good friend
of mine and she's your girlfriend

so you just being here behind her back
is making me totally uncomfortable.

Sorry.
Fine.

I can't believe
we just did that.

What? It was like freshman year
at the Z.B.T. House.

We didn't do it freshman year
at the Z.B.T. House, Ari.

You're right.
It was Amy Myers.

You fucked Amy Myers?
Oh my God.

You're gonna get mad about it?

It was 20 years ago and you
landed the big prize.

- I did.
- I love you. Come here.

Oh my God, Ari!
What the hell?

- I think that was Adam Davies.
- Who?

It's that rat-fuck that screwed me
with Terrance last year.

- So what?
- So? Is that rock fucking blinding you?

If Terrance knows
that I'm taking the big space

he'll know that I'm
starting the big agency.

So what's the difference
if he knows?

- Oh my God, we don't have the money.
- We have an agreement.

Baby, it's all...
He didn't see anything. It's all good.

- Get me up.
- Don't worry about it.

What the fuck was that?

My wife lost
a contact, Davies.

Why don't you pop out
and help us?

Maybe I'll give you a little curbing
when you're on your knees.

You'd love to see me with something
hard in my mouth, huh, Ari?

- Oh, Jesus.
- Sorry.

He brings it out of me.

Later.

What, baby?
It's all good.

He doesn't suspect a thing.
Come on.

- She basically called me a stalker.
- Basically?

From snuggler to stalker.
Sounds like an M.O.W.

Girls have a tendency
to throw that term around, E.

I wouldn't sweat it.

The only reason I went down there
was to apologize.

Which I didn't understand
in the first place.

Vince, let's for a moment just assume we
understand the reason for the apology.

- Why to her?
- Yeah, E, why to her?

- Yeah, why her?
- What do you mean?

I mean if anything you should
be apologizing to Sloan.

Exactly. After all, she was the one
you weren't snuggling with.

Maybe there's another reason
you went down there.

Maybe there's a reason
behind the snuggle.

Oh no.

Did E fall in love
during a threesome?

If anyone could do it, it's E.

You're like a chick. I mean, the guy
cannot have unemotional sex.

- I didn't have sex.
- Whatever.

You can't whack off
without weeping.

I went down there for no other reason
than to say that I'm sorry

and apologize
for cuddling

or spooning
or whatever, Drama.

It was unintentional.
It was an accident.

Freud says there
are no accidents.

You guys crossed swords
during your threesome. Accident?

Yo yo, Eric Murphy.

- Come on, we're gonna be late.
- I'm coming.

I can't believe I'm the one
telling you that.

- Yo.
- Yo.

- Never mind.
- Come on, what's up?

I can't stop
thinking about Tori.

It makes me sick.
I feel guilty.

Jesus.
Really?

I was just kidding.
You're really into her?

No, it's just that when we were doing
our whole, you know, thing,

I wanted her.
Bad.

So?

More than I wanted Sloan.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

E, you had a threesome. Any guy's gonna
want what he's never had during that.

I still want her.

You were this close to having her.
It was a big tease.

If you would have had it
it'd be over now.

- You think?
- Absolutely.

And here's the good news.
She's not into you.

She thinks you're a stalker.

She was probably wanting the whole
threesome thing just to get to Sloan.

And she lives 3000 miles away so just
get through the night and it's over.

It should be a good one.

Hey, I'm the one who's being sold
like I'm on eBay.

It could be fun, Vince.
Like that time you got auctioned off

- for the Feed the World event.
- Jesus, remember that Cuban guy

who bought me and wanted me
to come live with him in Havana?

Guy never sent me those cigars
he promised. I should call.

Ask if he knows any good lefties for
the Yanks bullpen while you're at it.

Great mother of God.

Oh, she cleans up good, huh?

Just get through the night.

Hey, guys.
Hey!

Thank you so much
for coming. Hi.

- Things look like they're going well.
- They are.

They're about to get even better.
Vince, come with me?

Let's show the ladies what
they're bidding on.

- I thought it was a silent auction.
- It is.

But I've got to present
the merchandise.

Let's go get a drink.

Where do you want to go?
French Riviera, St. Barts,

- Australian outback?
- No more spending, Ari.

Not until we're
in the clear.

We are in the clear, baby.
I don't know why I panicked.

Davies saw us
in the middle of the street.

What does that mean to him?
Absolutely nothing.

Pick a vacation
destination.

No more spending, Ari.

It's charity.
Come on, it's a tax write-off.

You know what?
I'm gonna bid on all of them.

- How are you, mate?
- Cheers, Ari.

Prick.

All I'm saying is me
and a girl like Tori

are wild kindred
free spirits.

I'd never want to go
where you've been, E,

but since you never
actually got there,

you mind if I try it
on for size?

You tried the other night,
Drama, no luck.

I'm with E.
You got no shot, Drama.

Look, I'm not gonna debate
whether or not I can get the girl.

I'm only asking
if E would care.

- I have a girlfriend.
- Then just say you don't care.

- You can't say it.
- I don't care.

Sweet.

Yeah, well,
here she comes.

- She looks angry.
Good, I like it mean.

Makes taming them
a greater challenge.

Just relax.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi there.

- Um, can I talk to you?
- Sure.

And now our featured item
of the evening:

A lovely night of dinner and dancing
under the stars...

- Dancing?
- One dance.

...the dashing
Vincent Chase, everybody.

Here he comes.
Vincent.

Vincent Chase,
ladies and gentlemen.

Come on, ladies,
there he is...

as handsome off screen
as he is on screen...

Look, I'm sorry
if I came off as harsh earlier.

You were right. I shouldn't have come
to your hotel.

Yeah, well I was
kind of cold

and I probably made you feel
like something was wrong

but I know that you're
a good guy, Eric.

I knew that...

Even before you
so lovingly embraced me.

Jesus. I haven't done
a lot of these. You?

A few more than you.
But not a lot.

So how were we?

Well, I don't know
about you...

Well, Sloan and her rules.

Yeah.

We'll get her to drop
those rules tonight

and I'll make a later flight.
We'll try again.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Ladies, this is your chance
to spend the evening

with a real live superhero.

So put your bid
in now or lose out.

- You owe me big time.
- I know I do.

Can I sample the goods?

- I'm selling stock to get you.
- Wow.

If I pay more, can I keep
you for the weekend?

You know what?
We'll discuss it with your husband.

- You seem like a hot ticket tonight.
- I feel like an iPod.

- Hey, will you buy me?
- I don't think I could afford you.

I could loan you
the money.

It's exquisite.
It's so unlike you.

- Well...
- I must compliment Ari.

God, this must have
cost a fortune.

Well actually,
it's just a C.Z.

Oh...

- Don't tell anyone.
- No. Never.

What?

I can't believe I had to tell
that bitch this was a fake.

You didn't have to do that.

I thought we were keeping
the money a secret.

No, Terrance knows
we have money.

- He gave it to me.
- How the fuck am I supposed to know?

You have me so confused. I don't like
secrets, I don't like lying.

Office space.
You just can't say office space.

Well...

Yeah, I thought
about tattoos a couple times,

but I could never really
decide on one.

Me either.
That's why I have four.

Really?
I thought I spotted one.

The rest are hiding.

Huh.

Will you excuse me
for one second?

I will be right back,
I promise.

Okay.

Psst.
Hey.

- You're spinning like a top out there.
- I've got to get out of here.

- Why, what happened?
- I can't be around this girl.

E, come on,
we went over this.

She wants another go around.
This time no rules.

- Wow, that's nice.
- No, it's not nice.

I don't want
another go around.

Not with Sloan there,
you mean.

I don't know what it is.
I got something crazy for this girl.

I told you what it is.

Either way, I want to grab her, I want
to take her in the coatroom.

Come on, E.
You're not a coatroom kind of guy.

Exactly. I'm not a threesome kind
of a guy either. That's the problem.

- Just relax.
- No, I can't relax, okay?

I cannot be around Sloan
and her together.

She's gonna see it's written all over my
face, know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I do.
You're a good Catholic boy.

It's cute. So avoid temptation.
Go home.

I'll tell them
you're sick.

Coatroom.

Eric. Hey,
where are you going?

I was just gonna go outside.
I'm not feeling that well.

- Oh no.
- I'm just feeling a little nauseous.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

You know, I think
I might need to go home.

Yeah, of course.
Go to my place.

I'll just finish up here and wait for
Tori's car to arrive,

then I'll come back
and take care of you, okay?

- Okay.
- I love you.

I love you too.

- See you.
- Feel better.

Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention please.

It's time to announce
the winners of tonight's silent auction,

the winner of the Dodgers
box seats,

Peter Vapnick.

Figures. The only thing
I actually wanted.

- You don't deserve it!
- Congratulations, Peter.

It's okay, Ari. I have something better
you can bid on.

What, are you selling
your ass again, Davies?

No, my client list.

I know you're taking space.
I want in.

You're crazy.

I'd think that too if I didn't see you
dive under that car to avoid me today.

But I did.
It made me curious.

So much so that I pulled
a U-ey and went snooping.

And guess what I found.

Office space that says unless your
wife's baby blanket biz went big time,

you are about to open
the largest agency in town.

I want partnership,
corner office

and $1 million
guaranteed salary.

You wouldn't get that even
if I did like you, Davies.

And B: Even if I were taking space,
which I am not,

you fucked me last year.

Do you really think
we can work together?

Come on, Ari.
We're all animals.

We just go wherever
there's the most food.

My fridge is bare, pal.

Okay, should we see what
Terrance thinks about it?

Winner of St. Barts
for $12,800

is Ari Gold.

Next up, a week of sun and fun
on the French Riviera.

And the winner is
Ari Gold.

Really spending
that money, eh, Ari?

What else did you buy?

- Oh, nice suit, Davies.
- Thank you, Terrance.

...a date
with a movie star...

the gorgeous
Vincent Chase...

Molly Burns.
Molly Burns.

Here she is.
Let her hear it.

Come on up, Molly.
Vince, ladies and gentlemen.

Vincent Chase.

- Where the fuck is he?
- Where is he?

Vincent Chase
to the podium.

Hiding is my guess.

Vincent Chase, please.

Vincent Chase
to the podium.

- I wonder what you sold for.
- I wonder who I sold to.

He's here somewhere.
We're gonna find him.

Wait!

Shh!

Hey.

Hey, baby.

How are you feeling?

Good.
Who's here?

Tori. She missed her flight.
She's gonna crash on the couch.

Her car is coming
at 5:30.

Oh.

I'm gonna get ready for bed.
Go back to sleep.

Okay.

Oh, you're still here?

Oh, sorry.
Did I wake you?

No, just going to get
a drink 'cause I'm thirsty.

Okay.

- Listen, it was nice to meet you.
- You too.

- What are you thinking, Eric?
- I don't know.

Want to jump on the couch
for 20 minutes

while Sloan's sleeping
in the other room?

No.

- Go back to bed.
- I can't sleep.

Take an Ambien.

Listen, am I crazy,
or do we both want this?

Does it matter?

You got a great girl
in there, Eric.

She almost let you
have this.

Don't fuck it up.

- Bye.
- Bye.