Entourage (2004–2011): Season 3, Episode 6 - Three's Company - full transcript

It takes Vince to drag Drama away from the mob video game in which his image plays opposite Marlon Brandon as Don Corleone. The boys threesome plays hard to find as Vince refuses to dance ...

There is nothing
more important to a man

than his family.

These men,

these men of honor,

they too are my family.

La Familia Corleone.

I now invite you

to be reborn as one of us.

Thanks, bro.

You are now one
of our qualified men.

Good for you, kid.



Look at this kid.

You know this is the closest
you're ever gonna come

to working with
an Academy Award winner?

Yeah, nice try, Turtle.

But I guess the three episodes
of "A Different World"

that I did with Marisa Tomei
were just a figment of my imagination?

Try to imagine yourself
getting off this game.

You've been on it
all fucking day.

Hold on, E, let me ask the Boss
of All Bosses if I can roll with you.

Come on, Johnny.
Even Capone takes a night off

- to hang out with his boys.
- Yeah, you're right.

Hang on,
let me get my jacket.

- There you go.
- Ooh!

You know, Ari hasn't
called me all day.



He's been your agent
for 24 hours, Drama, relax.

Don't feel bad, Johnny.
He hasn't called me today either...

and I told the president of Warner's
to go fuck himself last night.

Look, he'll call both of you when he
has something to tell you.

Can we not talk business
tonight, please?

This is supposed to be a hang-loose,
get-fucked-up, guys' night out.

That's exactly what it's gonna be.
Just the four of us.

Hey!
- Hi.

- How are you? Hi.
- Hi.

Hi, guys.

- Hey.
- Hi.

So what? You can't have a fun
guys' night out with me?

We love you, Sloan,
you know that...

But... it's the law.

You don't invite your girl
on a boys' night out.

Okay, in fairness to E, he had no idea
I was gonna be here tonight.

Yeah, pull this leg and
it plays "Jingle Bells. "

I'm serious.

My girlfriend's in town from D.C.
She's meeting me here.

Yeah?
What does she look like?

It's guys' night out.
Don't worry about that.

Oooh, touché.

Vince?

- Dibbs.
- That's not her.

Hi.
- Hi.

Do you remember me?
You bought me a birthday drink

- a couple of months ago.
- Vodka tonic and 25, right?

Right. How about I return
the favor and buy you one?

Absolutely.
Come sit, join us.

What's next?
You got a girl coming too?

It's Ari.

Hey, Ari, how was
dinner with Alan?

Ask him if he
found me a job yet.

Dinner was great.
Tell Drama he's on my to-do list

right after inserting
needles in my cock.

Put Vince on.
I got big news

and I don't want you
taking all the credit for it.

Vince is busy, Ari.
Talk.

Alan felt so bad
about last night

he wants to bump Vince up
to $10 million for A2.

Interesting. Alan's moving up to 10,
what do you think?

I think
the number's 20.

- We're holding at 20.
- Put Vince on.

He wants to talk to you.

Tell him Alan's a liar
and I don't deal with liars.

Why don't we go to the bar so we don't
have to wait for the waitress?

We can always go to my place so we don't
have to wait for a bartender.

We'll catch
you guys later, huh?

- Tell him.
- He wants you to tell Alan...

Yeah yeah, I heard him.
Just put him on the phone, E.

- He's gone, Ari.
- Eric...

we do not want to get
on Alan Gray's bad side.

What do you
want me to tell you?

Put him on the phone,
you fucking dick!

I'm not a guy you want
on your bad side.

- Really? What are you gonna do?
- This.

Whoa whoa, he didn't
want to talk to me?

This night is
a total disaster.

All of a sudden
we're on E's date.

- You wanna blow out?
- Yeah, come on.

You guys
are leaving?

- Yeah.
- Hey!

- Oh my God, hi, Tori. Oh!
- Hi, baby.

Maybe it will salvage
this night after all.

Hi, it's Johnny Drama.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, Tori. Nice to meet you.

- Turtle.
- Hey.

- The girl was cold.
- Ice cold.

What, because you guys
couldn't close?

Couldn't close...
she said she doesn't date.

Brad Pitt
couldn't close her.

Did you hear what she said
when I offered to buy her a drink?

- No, what?
- "No thank you. "

What a bitch.

All right, guys.
This is Sloan, so stop.

- Didn't we just see her?
- How whipped is this guy?

- Hey, babe.
- Hi, babe.

You guys sound drunk.

You weren't drunk
when I left you.

- Huh, we're having a good time now.
- Good.

Tell him.

Oh, um...
Tori wants me to tell you

that it was really
nice meeting you.

Aw, tell her it was
nice meeting her too.

She wants me to tell you
she thinks you're really cute.

Cute?
That's cool.

Who's cute?

- Tell him the other thing.
- No.

Yes! Here, I'll tell him.
I'll tell him.

Okay okay.
Okay, wait.

Does she think
one of us is cute?

- Eric?
- Yes, Sloan?

Tori wants to tell you
that she wants to have a threesome

with me and you.

Sleep on that, E.

Okay, we gotta go.
I love you. Bye, babe.

Sloan?

- What's up?
- She like one of us or not?

I thought you guys
didn't like her.

- I loved her.
- Yeah, me too.

She's smokin'.
So who'd she say was cute?

Me.

You.

Why would she tell Sloan
she thinks you're cute?

They're drunk. She told Sloan we should
have a threesome.

So why aren't you
in your car right now?

'Cause they're fucked up
and it's a joke.

- No woman should ever joke about that!
- No, they should not.

Either way,
I'm so whackin' off

- to your girlfriend tonight.
- Loser.

I was planning on whackin' off
to Vince's girl,

but this definitely tops that.

Hello.

Hey, Johnny,
I have Ari for Vince.

Vince is sleeping,
but I'll talk to Ari.

Vince isn't available,
but I have Drama.

I don't wanna talk to Drama,
I wanna talk to Vince.

Sorry, Drama,
I don't have Ari anymore.

You just had him
for Vince.

But then you told me that Vince
was sleeping and now I lost him.

Tell Vince to please call Ari when
he wakes up and I'll have him again.

Oh, Vince just walked in.
You got Ari now?

I have Vince now.

I have Ari.

Can I say that you won't talk to Ari
unless he talks to me?

Hey, Ari?

- Vince.
- Here's Johnny.

- Yeah.
- What do you need, Drama?

- I need a job, Ari.
- I'll see what I can do.

Do better than that.

How?

Promise you'll see
what you can do.

Drama...

Promise, or I'm not
gonna put Vince on.

I promise
I will do all I can for you.

Sorry, I had him
but now I don't.

Ari left three
messages on my cell.

He was just on the phone. He's probably
freakin' about the Warner's call.

Can you imagine the look on Alan's face
when Ari says no to 10?

Don't fuck with
the boys from P.S. 154.

Speaking of fucking,
did he tell you

- what Sloan said last night?
- No, what'd she say?

Why did I think you guys would forget
about that today?

I don't know, 'cause I was up thinking
about it all night.

- Like you weren't.
- What'd she say?

Sloan and Tori want E to be the meat
in their girl-girl sandwich.

No! Is it true?

- What do you think?
- I think you'd enjoy it.

You know Sloan, you think
she'd do that?

E, I have a little theory
that all women love other women.

That's probably
because I love all women.

She was really drunk and it
will never happen, trust me.

Well, drunk or not,
she wouldn't have put it

out there if it
wasn't a possibility.

Exactly. You might have
to push her a little.

Yeah, E, are you man enough
to push, hmm?

- I'm man enough to leave.
- Off to see Sloan?

Gee, I wonder what
you're gonna talk about.

- See you guys later.
- Hey, take this seriously.

When opportunity knocks
let her the fuck in.

And for God's sakes,

let her go down
on your girlfriend!

Yes, Alan, yes, listen... you've been
more than generous, more than generous.

You know actors.
Crazy comes with the territory.

I understand, Ari.
But if this nonsense

continues much longer
I might get mad.

Believe me, Alan,
I more than anyone else

do not want
to get you mad.

I have seen you
on the racquetball court.

Listen, I know that franchises
do not grow on trees.

I will call Vince myself
and tell him how mad I will be

if he tries
to pull a Chappelle.

Fantastic.
I like your new attitude, Ari.

You should have moved
to a boutique agency years ago.

- Thank you, sir.
- Anyway,

I'm willing to go up to $12
and a half million to wrap this up.

12 and a half...

But Ari,

wrapped up means
you call me... today

- by 4:00.
- Lloyd, get Vince on the phone!

- Give me the only answer that I want.
- Alan,

- Alan.
- Yes, Ari.

Consider it done.

- Ari?
- Yes, Alan?

It better be.

Lloyd!

- Do you have Vince?
- No, I have Drama

and he says that he's been
authorized to tell you that Vince

will not speak to you
until he, Drama, has a job.

- Really?
- Really.

Question: Uh,
no lox at staff meetings now, Ari?

Cost cutting until we
get into the new offices.

There will be lox
in the new year, trust me.

Until then, enjoy the gourmet
chicken salad.

Anyway, people,

staff meeting
has been canceled.

You all have
one goal today:

To get
Vincent Chase's brother

Johnny Chase a job.
Any job.

I don't care if it's a porn shoot
in which he is being

gang-raped by a gaggle
of silverback apes.

If there are
cameras rolling

everybody wins.
10 grand to anyone

that can deliver this
to me today.

Can I vie for the 10 grand
prize also, Ari?

Sure, but you'll
get paid in yen.

Now try E one more
fucking time.

There's another
e- mail.

Hmm, what does
this one say?

"You drunken, Irish,
short, midget cocksucker,

I need someone
to call me back. "

He sounds angry.

- Yeah.
- So what are you gonna do?

There's nothing to do.
Vince is a man of principle.

He feels he was lied to.
It's not about the money, so...

So.

So what else?

What else?
How are you feeling today?

I'm okay, why?

You guys were pretty
hammered last night.

- We weren't that bad.
- You weren't?

Is there something
you'd like to say?

No.

We were joking.

That's a mean joke.
You shouldn't tease a guy like that.

- Like you would do it.
- Oh, I'd do it.

If you were
okay with it.

I mean who wouldn't do it?
Why wouldn't I do it...

if you were
okay with it?

Have you ever done
anything like that?

No, have you?

What do you think?

I think, no. And I don't think
you ever would.

Are you challenging me?

No, I'm not saying it in a bad way,
I just don't think you would.

I would.

With you, once.

Once would be great.

And I'd have some rules...

No no no no no.
No rules.

- I agree. Call it off, E.
- Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

A threesome with rules
is not a threesome. It's a nightmare.

I don't even know why
I told you guys this.

This is between me and my girlfriend.

No, this is between you, your girlfriend
and a complete stranger.

Of course you tell
your best friends.

We might have some
wisdom to impart.

The only threesome you guys have ever
had involved each other.

I don't want any of that
wisdom imparted.

- Vince, talk to him.
- All right, what's the rule?

- What's the difference?
- You can't have sex with Tori.

- How'd you know?
- Lucky guess.

What are we doing?
I thought we're going to Book Soup.

That was a ruse.
This is gonna happen.

We gotta get you
prepared, baby.

Grab a basket.

What, are we
in Pathmark?

Alan's on one.

It's only 3:30.

- Um, I have 3:30 too.
- I'm supposed to have until 4:00.

Tell him that you are looking for me
and you will find me soon.

You are quite
sure of it. Go.

And then you get E
and Vince on the phone now.

- Seriously, how did you know?
- Because Sloan's a good girl.

This is really
just experimental.

Eh, more selfish
than anything.

How is it selfish,
Drama?

Because she gets
the whole experience.

You only get
to play the first half,

- then you gotta hit the bench.
- It is bullshit.

No, guys this is
a good thing, trust me.

Look,
I've had threesomes

where both girls wanna
watch me with the other,

and I've had threesomes
where I have one girl

who I need to be
a little more protective of.

In the long run, the girl you have
to be more protective of

is the girl you wanna be
in a relationship with.

Not the girl who's begging you
to bang her best friend.

Look,
Sloan's a good girl.

You'll have a good time.

But make sure she knows
she's the one in first position.

And definitely
get one of these.

What? There's no rule Sloan
can't fuck her, is there?

Would you turn that
fucking ringer off already?

- How long can we ignore him?
- I'll take it.

Hello.

I'm workin' on stuff, Drama.
I'll get back to you.

Anyone make any progress
getting Johnny Chase a job?

I've got some calls in.

Any agents in the building
have any calls in?

Somebody

better do fucking something
or tomorrow

you will be working
for fucking Lloyd!

Ari Gold's office.

$12.5 million and no one
will talk to me!

Nobody will talk to me?

It's Alan.
I think he'll talk to you.

Ari!
That's a rental!

That's a rental!

No, can't do...!

Alan, how are you?

Well, it's 4:02 and I'm
making my own calls. How do I sound?

Do you have
the answer that I want?

I... I'm actually just
trying to locate Vince. He...

- Let me ask you a question, Ari.
- Yeah.

What are you gonna do
when you can't locate me?

What are you gonna do
when I shut this place down

to you and everyone you know?
How are you gonna like

explaining to the rest of your clients
that one of the largest

studios in the world
no longer exists?

Would... I wouldn't
like that, Alan...

Let me propose
something to you, Ari.

Something you can
present to that...

pretty boy client of yours,
if and when you find him.

- Okay... I'm listening.
- Oh...

I'm quite sure you are.

- Look at this guy.
- Fancy.

What, are you going
to your senior prom?

- Fuck off.
- The maitre d' from Dakota

- called to confirm.
- Dakota, huh?

Leave it to this guy to wine
and dine a threesome.

It's from my private reserve.
Just in case you have a problem

getting it started,
that'll warm everybody up.

I know you're not a big porn guy,

but the innovations since
the DVD are pretty amazing.

Remember back in the day
you'd be tuggin' it

and they'd cut to a closeup of the guy's
face and you wanted to kill yourself?

Never again.
Multi-angles.

- Good tip, Turtle.
- Turtle, grab a picture.

This is before.
You better bring home the after.

- You got the girls picking you up?
- What, no limo, E?

This must be serious.

- He brought his muscle.
- Hey, Johnny, go deal.

Hey, you better get out of here.
The girls are waiting.

I'm not going anywhere.
I'll call Sloan, we'll hook up later.

Don't be nervous, you've done it before.
Now you're doing it twice.

I'm not nervous.
I'm not abandoning you with Ari.

Unless Alan came up to 20,
there's not really much to talk about.

- Go ahead, have a good time.
- For all of us.

- You sure?
- E, you better go or I will.

Hey... oh, and E,

- lose the jacket.
- You think?

Uh-huh.

- You got something for me, Ari?
- I don't have a job.

- Then I can't let you pass.
- Even if I got you a good audition?

- Even if Lloyd did?
- What do you got?

It's a pilot
Eddie Burns is producing.

Eddie Burns? I used to play ball with
Eddie Burns. He loves me.

It's four young
Irish boys in New York.

- I'm Irish from New York.
- And you were once young.

It's the older brother.
- This sounds perfect.

And if you book it
I get 10,000 bucks.

Yen, Lloyd, 10,000 yen.
Can I come in?

Eh, not so fast.
You handed me off to Lloyd.

One day, one audition.
Complain tomorrow, Drama.

- Later, Ari.
- E, Vince better not be in that car!

- I'm right here, Ari.
- Oh.

Hey, bear with me, Lloyd, I wanna hear
your big-picture strategy.

All right, I'm listening,
what's up?

I just would like to ask you if you have
a plan here, you know?

Because if you do,
I would love to hear it.

- A plan?
- A plan for what you want.

For instance, if Alan
offered you $20 million,

would that make you happy?

Ari, you know
it's not about the money.

- What is it then?
- I want the days he promised.

- I wanna do "Medellin. "
- Vin...

And if he does that,
I will do "Aquaman 2" for free.

- It's not...
- I swear to God.

It's not gonna happen, Vince,
it's not going to happen.

"Medellin" is done.
They made an offer to Benicio.

Alan owns your ass.

He fucked me, Ari.
To my face.

I'm sorry he lied to you.
This is the world we live in.

He also offered you
$12.5 million in compensation.

He didn't have to do that. You have
to stop doing what you're doing.

All right?
Because if you don't,

he will sue you.
He will take everything you have.

He'll take the house,
the cars, maybe even Turtle.

I don't care about any of that...
except Turtle.

Thanks, Vince.

It's over, I'm sorry.

You have no other choice.

Do you understand?

- Yes, I understand.
- Good.

Tomorrow, breakfast on the lot,
we make amends.

- I'm not going to breakfast.
- Vinnie...

Alan just wants
to look you in the face

and he wants you to tell him
you're gonna honor the contract.

- No more grief, we move on...
- Ari, listen to me.

I'm not going to any fucking breakfast.
You can tell Alan

I will show up every day and I will bust
my ass like I've always done.

But I don't want
the $12.5 million.

I want the seven
that we agreed upon.

I don't want to be indebted
to some douchebag.

Vinnie, he has other movies.

I don't care!

I'll never work
with him again anyway.

I don't care if he offers me
a billion dollars.

- Do you understand?
- Vince!

I'm done.

Kid's got principles, huh?

Where's the fucking manager
when I need him?

Huh.

So your parents must be happy having
you home for the weekend.

Oh, they're
not around anymore.

Oh, I'm sorry,
that's horrible.

Oh no, baby, they're not dead,
they just retired to Flagstaff.

Oh, that's cool.

- It's so cute how nervous he is.
- Nervous? I'm not nervous.

It's okay,
you don't have to be.

Okay, Tori,
you're freaking him out.

- And you're so calm, Sloan?
- TORl: You're both nervous.

And it's cute.

We're gonna
need to get drunk.

- Definitely.
- Yes.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

I'm just kidding.

Ari, look, we're all very happy that
Vince finally came to his senses.

But how did you manage
to talk him off the ledge?

It was very simple, Dana.
I actually told him

that he would have
to fuck you if he didn't.

- You're such an asshole.
- What? There he is.

- How are you, Alan?
- Where's your client, Ari?

Oh, we're all good.
Listen, it's a done deal.

Vince feels
so bad about this

he said forget about the 12.5,
he'll do it for the 10.

Oh.

But he wouldn't come
to a breakfast with me?

- No, it's not that.
- These fucking actors,

they think they have
all the power.

- Alan, Vince is a good kid.
- Fuck Vince, Ari.

And fuck you.

Okay, then.

Yeah, Ari,
what's the problem?

The problem is, I needed you last night
to talk some sense into Vince.

I spoke to Vince. He told me everything
was under control.

You told him to skip
that breakfast meeting?

What breakfast? Vince didn't tell me
about any breakfast.

Alan wanted one,
Vince wouldn't go.

Jesus. You know what?
I'm pulling up to the house right now.

I'll have him call Alan
and apologize.

You know, what?
It's too late for sorries.

Vince is out.
Jake Gyllenhaal is in.

"Brokeback motherfucking Aquaman. "
Take that bitch.

Read about it
in the papers tomorrow,

but pass it along to Vince or Drama
or whoever will talk to you now.

All net, all net.

So how was it?
- Talk, E.

Come on, E,
what you got?

Nothing good.

What? Sloan wouldn't
let you fuck her either?

Did you have a breakfast
with Alan this morning and didn't show?

- I told Ari I wasn't going.
- But you never told me.

- Fuck Alan.
- Actually no, Vince.

We're the ones
that are fucked.