Entourage (2004–2011): Season 3, Episode 14 - Dog Day Afternoon - full transcript

Hey guys, it's Amanda...
again.

Have we thought any more
about the Sam Mendes movie?

He's called four times.

I need an answer, so please
please call me back.

It's her fourth call.
What do you wanna do?

Call her back...
when we have an answer.

Now let's talk
about the trip.

- What about it?
- Just tell me why you hate Michelle.

I don't hate Michelle. I just don't
wanna travel with her again.

- Why?
- Why?

Yeah, why? We didn't have
a great time in Tahoe?



No, we didn't. She walked around
the condo naked the whole time, Vince,

made Sloan totally
uncomfortable.

- Sloan said she was uncomfortable?
- She didn't have to say it.

It was obvious when she wanted to eat
all of our meals in the bedroom.

- Okay, fine. I'll find someone else.
- No...

you're not just gonna
find someone else, okay?

Travel compatibility's
the most important part of a trip.

I'll find someone
good to go, I promise.

Go where?
- Yeah, where are we going?

We're not
going anywhere.

Vince?

We're going up to Napa.
It's a couples weekend.

- But you ain't a couple, Vin.
- I'm working on it.

You're going to wine country,
and we're not invited?



What the fuck?

You know what, Drama?
Don't even worry about it.

With Mom and Dad gone,

we'll have the entire house
to ourselves for our bitches.

- True.
- What bitches do you have, Turtle?

We don't have them yet,
but we will by day's end, trust me.

We're going to the Laurel Canyon
dog park.

- What's over there?
- "LA Magazine"

picked it as the hottest spot
in the city to pick up girls.

Ah, that's why Arnold
looks so spiffy.

You know it, baby.

You guys should have
groomed yourselves.

Please, E, in certain cultures
it's illegal to look this good.

You're a regular
fucking felony, Drama.

- Later.
- Come on, boy.

- It's Amanda.
- Mmm-mm-mmm.

There he is,
back from the wars.

Hey, Ari!
- Love it.

Tell Jason I need
that call, all right?

Remind her.
Lloyd, don't fill up.

I'm taking you to the Grill
for lunch today.

Really?
Am I getting promoted?

Don't be ridiculous.
You've been on my desk for 16 months.

It's gonna be
at least another 24.

- 24?
- Sacrifice, Lloyd.

Like the kamikaze pilots
used to do, all right?

Today you're gonna learn
how to sign a client.

Oh... oh, exciting.

- Who is it?
- Jay Lester.

- The TV writer?
- The syndication machine.

Fuck actors!
Too much heartache.

You sign Jim Carrey so you can get
the guy that created Drew Carey.

Right? Jay fired
his agency yesterday,

and we have
to nail this guy.

- S-so why am I going?
- Because he's a queen, just like you.

He's never had a straight agent,
and if I'm going to be his first,

I have to show him
that I am a friend to the gay man.

But you're not a friend
to the gay man, Ari.

Lloyd, this is the big one.

So just go grab your best dress,
and know that today

your love of cock is
a huge asset to this company.

You're mad.
- I'm not mad. I'm surprised.

I thought you wanted
to go away alone with me.

- I did. I do.
- So what happened?

Vince kind
of invited himself.

I didn't wanna
insult him.

Babe, I doubt Vince
is that sensitive.

Oh, yes he is,
trust me,

especially when
it comes to trips.

When we were kids,
I never took one without him.

My dad took us
to Epcot Center,

Vince was there;

Busch Gardens, Vince was there;

Old Williamsburg,
Vince was there...

and trust me, nobody wants to go
to Williamsburg.

The guy, he gets
separation anxiety.

He freaks out if I'm more than
100 miles away from him.

I think it's mutual.

- Oh, you do?
- Yup.

You're a little
Vince's boy.

What are you saying,
I don't wanna go away with you?

I don't know.

- What are you doing?
- Making sure you do know.

Vince, let's grab
a coffee.

You're so tough.

Wow.
All these years,

I been wondering where
girls hide during the day.

Well, let's make up
for lost time, shall we?

All right.
What do you say we start

with Little Miss Fluffy-White-Poodle
over there?

That's not
a poodle, Turtle.

That's a Lhasa apso.

Whatever. Check out the ass
on the broad walking it.

She's not for us.
Lhasa apsos are very finicky dogs.

And finicky dogs have finicky owners,
and finicky owners

wait two weeks before they even
give you a tug.

All right, Drama,
then you choose.

I can't. There's too many
to choose from.

- It's like Mardi Gras.
- Yeah.

Oh my God, look at
that handsome devil.

Looks like Arnold
chose for us.

Oh... my... God,

he is so beautiful.

You too.

Your puppy...
he's beautiful.

I've had rotts
my whole life.

- Us too.
- Really?

Oh yeah.
- True dog people know

that a Rott's tough exterior
is merely a protective shell

that hides a wealth of sensitivity
they have within.

I've never heard
that before.

But I like it.

I'm not suggesting
that you flirt with the guy, all right?

Then what are you
suggesting?

I'm suggesting that
you look at Jay Lester

like you look at Brad Pitt,
'cause that's what he is...

the Brad Pitt of TV writing.

Brad Pitt is not my type, Ari.
I hate blue eyes.

I like more of a brown-eyed
doe-eyed look.

Pretend it's fucking Bambi you're eating
with then, Lloyd, but smile.

There he is.

- That does not look like Bambi.
- Smile, Lloyd.

- Yo, how'd you get here?
- I cabbed it.

- Thanks.
- See? I can cope.

What did you want to talk about?
Sounded important.

Nah, nothing. I just wanted to talk
about this weekend.

Shit.

- Amanda?
- Yup.

I get it.
She's stressing you out

'cause Mendes
is stressing her out.

I don't wanna
be stressed.

Let's go away this weekend.
We'll have some wine,

think about "Glimpses"
and we'll tell her when we get back.

- We need a nice vacation.
- Yeah, we do.

I don't want you flipping
through your Rolodex looking for a girl.

- Oh, no need. I got the perfect girl.
- Who?

That girl Lindsay,
from Sloan's charity event.

The one you fucked
in the coat-room?

She was nice, right?

I mean, you fucked her
in the coat-room.

Don't be so judgmental. She's studying
labor law. She's very bright.

You've never even been
on a date with her.

That's what she said. Then she said,
"Wow, this would be a great first date. "

- Is it cool?
- No, not really.

- Sloan won't like her?
- It's not that Sloan won't like her,

but Sloan doesn't wanna
go away on a first date with you.

- Why not?
- 'Cause it'll annoy her.

Last month, we went to Mastro's
with that girl Stacy.

You guys were making out,
holding hands the whole time.

- It totally freaked Sloan out.
- She was freaked out?

Why didn't you tell me?
I would have apologized.

Although, it was Sloan
who ordered all those shots.

It's cool. You don't
have to apologize.

God, I didn't realize
Sloan was so uptight.

She's not uptight.

But girls, they go away,
they don't wanna go with anyone.

I don't have anyone else
I wanna go with.

- Really?
- Really.

Fuck, that sucks.

Yeah, it does suck.

We are in the clear.

- Really?
- Yup.

Heading over now to plan
our romantic getaway.

Nice work.

- What's wrong?
- Them.

I get shy when
Maddy watches me.

Arnold, beat it.

Maybe, if I do this...

Nice.

Oh my God!

Oh, shit.

I don't need
another TV show, Ari.

What I need
is my own network.

Fuck ABC, NBC and CBS.
Why make them richer?

I love it:
Jay TV.

Prey on my vanity.
That's... that's priceless.

- This one's shy, huh?
- Me? No.

No? Would you like to try a sand dab,
Lloyd? They're delicious.

- No, thank you.
- No? You don't like sand dabs?

No, I do, I just have a rule I don't eat
food off other people's plates.

- It's a pretty silly rule.
- It is.

- Try a sand dab, Lloyd.
- Come on, Lloyd, you'll love 'em.

You know what they say,
rules were meant to be broken.

Oh, put that away.
Here we are. Open up.

Aah...

Yum!

Look, Ari,
everyone knows

you're a god when it comes to making
your clients rich,

but guess what?
I'm already rich.

So I ask you this...
can you make me happy?

Eh... and if you can,

can you keep me happy?

- Jay, may I speak freely?
- Certainly, Lloyd. But project.

Yeah, Lloyd, project.

The Miller Gold Standard
is a full-service agency.

I've been at three majors
over the past four years...

- Wow.
... and I can assure you,

none can provide the full
range of services that we can.

I guarantee that all of your needs
will be handled.

I guarantee
that you will be happy.

Here comes the airplane.

Oh, wow.
- This place looks incredible.

Yeah.
Two or three nights?

- How about four?
- Really?

You can get away
that long?

Come on,
I'm my own boss.

It's Vince.

- Yo, buddy.
- Yo, E, I just had a great idea.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. The four of us go out tonight...

that way we get the first date
out of the way.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

And if Sloan doesn't like Lindsay
for any reason,

- no big deal, we're out.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Okay, cool.

What?

- Hmm?
- Nothing.

Fucking Arnold.
I got blue balls so bad,

my dick feels like
it's gonna break off.

Yeah, me too.

Dude, my girl has
the nicest tits in the world.

Who knows if I'll ever
get to feel them again?

- Fucking Arnold.
- Fucking Arnold.

Here they come.

Hey, how is
the little lady?

She's all stitched up,
but they think she'll be fine.

Oh, thank God.

Shall we head back up
to the pool then?

Oh, you guys can go.

They want to observe Maddy
for a few more hours,

and we just
don't wanna leave her.

Aw... and we don't wanna
leave you girls.

We feel just awful
about this.

Thanks, that's sweet.

Me too. I feel awful.

I'm sorry.

Hey, couldn't we at least try to wait
it out by the pool?

Jesus, Turtle,
you reek of desperation.

- How much longer can we stay here?
- However long it takes.

If you wanna bust a nut today,
you might have to earn it.

I always have to earn it.

Ari, Ari...
- Lloyd, calm down.

It sounds like you're having multiples,
for Christ's sakes.

Jay Lester's on the line.

Stop flapping your gums
and put him through.

Jay... is this a happy call
or a sad one?

I'm proud to say
it's a happy one, Ari.

Congratulations,
I've decided to go with you.

Excellent news,
excellent news, Jay.

Yeah, I certainly
hope so, Ari.

You know what? I'm gonna have Lloyd
send over the papers ASAP.

Actually, I was kind of hoping that
Lloyd could deliver them himself.

- ARl: Messenger's faster, Jay.
- It's a tradition, Ari.

I always do a little signing ceremony
with my new agent's assistants.

Shall we say, 9:00-ish?

Let me get back to you
in five, Jay.

Let's not jump
to conclusions, Lloyd.

He just might want a pretty Mongolian
face to look at over dinner.

- What if it's more, Ari?
- What if it's more what, Lloyd?

All great men have had
to make great sacrifices

at some point
in their lives.

This means a lot
to you, huh, Ari?

It means a lot to the agency.
You're a part of the agency.

So it should mean
a lot to you as well.

Okay.
Ari, I'll go.

Thank you, Lloyd.

All right!

But I'm not going for me
and I'm not going for the agency,

I'm going for you.

Hey, whatever gets you
through the night.

I can't believe you guys ordered in
from Locanda Veneta.

Well, if we weren't
stuck here all night,

we'd probably take you to one of
LA's finest restaurants.

L'Orangerie, perhaps.

Cheers.

Have you thought
about what I said?

A little bit.

Yeah, because a behavior
modification class

could really do
wonders for Arnold.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, because...

see, today he did
something bad.

Next time, he might do
something really bad.

Yeah, you're right.
You're right.

A word, ladies.
- Oh.

How much longer do I have
to listen to this girl

talk shit about my dog?

- Just a little longer, Turtle.
- I don't know if I can take it.

Look at those asses.

You can take it.

Maddy can go home.

- Hey!
- Oh, thank God.

Can we help you
carry her out?

Oh, it's gonna be okay.

- It's gonna be okay.
Thank you.

- Why won't you just tell him?
- 'Cause this is easier.

What's easier?
Going to dinner

and then saying we don't
wanna travel with you?

Yeah.
He gave me an out.

Said if I don't like her,
they won't go.

- And if you do like her?
- Doesn't matter.

- I'm saying I don't.
- All this to not upset Vince.

How sad.

- Do you wanna go away alone with me?
- Yes.

- Then this girl's awful.
- Eric!

She's awful, Sloan, stop.

- Hey, there. Look who's on time.
Hey!

- Lindsay, this is Eric.
- Hi, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- And Sloan.

- Hi, how are you?
- I'm good.

- You have a beautiful dress.
- Thank you.

Shall we sit?

I love your dress.
Where'd you get it?

- Off to a good start.
- We'll see.

Oh, and I think you
should call Amanda now.

- Why?
- Because she's not in.

Good thinking.

This is Amanda.

- She's a hard worker.
- Try again after 10:00.

Let me tell you something...

Oh, Lloyd.

Come here.
I'll see you later.

Hi, Mr. Lester.

Mr. Lester was my alcoholic father,
Lloyd. Call me Jay.

Okay, Jay. I brought
the client agreements.

We'll get to that
in a minute.

Why don't you take
a load off first?

Not there, here.

Ari, are you okay?

- Ari!
- What, baby, what?

What's the matter?
You've been in a fog since dinner.

I sold my soul today,
baby.

- What do you mean?
- Just what I said, but for what?

So we could have
two showerheads

and a plasma
in every room.

Tomorrow's a new day, Ari.
Remember...

you always have a chance
to get it back.

We're Jews, baby.
No, we don't.

Ari.

- I gotta make a stop.
- Where?

Boys Town, baby,
buckle up.

Ari, what are you doing?

Fuck!

Maybe we should think

about neutering him.

I don't know. I mean,
cutting a guy's nuts off,

- you really think that's necessary?
- Yes.

Turtle, I do. It will make him
less aggressive.

I don't wanna see anyone else's dog
suffer the way Maddy did.

Mm-hmm.
I hear ya.

Look, I know that you
think that your dog

is a good dog.

No, honey, I know
my dog is a good dog.

Well, maybe you're
just not a good owner.

Ha.

Maybe you shouldn't
be the one talking.

I mean, after all,

it is your fault
that your dog got chomped.

If you wouldn't have thrown a $40 piece
of filet right in between them,

maybe you wouldn't have spent
the entire day in the vet's office.

You're blaming me?

What the hell did you
think was gonna happen?

And what about the insensitivity
of taking a piece of meat

that Drama spent a day
and a half marinating

and just throwing it
on the ground?

Get out.

- Come on, baby. Let's not fight.
- Get out!

Oh, Allyson.

Cheryl...

- Do you hear that?
- No, I don't hear a thing.

- Get out!
Stop yelling!

Allyson!

Oh, for the love of God,
not again!

I mean, could this be
going any better or what?

- I don't know.
- What do you mean?

I just don't want you
to get your hopes up.

They haven't let us say a word
all night. They're getting along great.

That's 'cause Sloan's a nice girl.
She won't be rude.

I can read
her body language.

- What's it say?
- She's uncomfortable.

I think she feels
threatened by Lindsay.

Vince, how come you didn't tell me
that Sloan lived in Italy?

Yeah, we just figured out
that we lived two blocks

from each other
in Florence.

Wow, that's a crazy
coincidence.

Isn't it, E?

A lot of people live in Florence.
It's not that crazy.

- Right, Sloan?
- I don't know.

I thought
it was interesting.

- Are you okay, Sloan?
- Yeah, I'm great. Why?

- No reason.
Should we get a check?

We haven't even
had dessert.

They have the best gelati
in the world here.

Better than
at the Piazza Del Torta?

On Via Roma?

La Cantinetta Antinori!

You girls
are like sisters.

It's so beautiful.
Cheers.

E, let's just cut
to the chase.

Do we four wanna have
a wonderful weekend in Napa or what?

- Well, I do.
- So do I.

Come on, E.
It'll be fun.

- Okay, then.
To Napa!

This is gonna be
so much fun.

- I'm so glad I passed your test.
- My test?

Vince told me that you're
a little particular

about what girls you travel with.

And I'm the same way,
so I wasn't offended at all, really.

I never said that, Vince.
Why would you think that?

- 'Cause that's what E told me.
- Eric?

I can't believe you told
Lindsay that, Vince.

I had to give her a heads up.
I can't believe she told you.

I'm sorry. I can't help
myself sometimes.

I get so excited
I start rambling.

I can't believe you're blaming this
on me, Eric.

- Why, is it not true?
- No, it's not true. Tell him, E.

Jesus, Ari!

Be back in a flash,
baby!

Coming through.
All right, civilian, no touching.

That's all right.
Ow!

Lloyd!

- Ari.
- David.

- I can't believe it. I'm shocked.
- That makes two of us.

- What would the wife think?
- Probably the same as yours.

- Mine's in the car.
- Ooh, interesting.

Just here to take care
of a client, David.

And I'm doing research
for a movie I'm producing.

Let's just say your
secret's safe if mine is.

Great.

How about me, you, and that wife of
yours get together for a drink sometime?

Maybe just the two of us alone,
see what's what.

Let me get back
to you on that.

David, my assistant's about to be
gang-raped by a gang of one.

Here you go.

Hope you guys
don't mind a third wheel.

Hi, Ari.

You drunk, Lloyd?

Very very buzzed.

Ari, what are
you doing here?

I was in the neighborhood,
and I thought I'd come by

and see how my two
favorite people are doing.

Your two favorite people
are just getting ready to leave, okay?

Come on, Lloyd.
Time to hit the road.

Why don't we
stay and dance?

- We'll dance later, Lloyd.
- Dance here? That is a great idea.

Why don't we go down there
and cut up a goddamn rug?

No, Ari. This is my date.
We're gonna do what I want.

I'm sorry, Jay. I can't let
you go anywhere with Lloyd.

And why's that?

I came down here tonight,

to a part of town that I only drive
through fast,

because I wanted to show you that I am
100% dedicated to being your agent.

In fact, I will reserve
a center table,

sit here with you,
hold your hand while you write

or chase cock,
whatever it is you do.

But I can't let you leave
with Lloyd. I'm sorry.

Well, I'm very sorry
to hear you say that, Ari.

Because I've wined him.
I've dined him.

And if he's not coming
home with me tonight,

these papers aren't
getting signed.

That is actually
fine with me.

Because you know what?

We may be whores at my agency,
but we ain't pimps.

Let's go, Lloyd.

Ari Gold,
you're my hero.

Come with me, Lloyd.
I'll buy you a car.

I already have a car,
so I'm gonna have to pass.

That's fine. That's fine.
And you know what?

I'm better off.
You know the old saying:

Fuck Chinese and you're horny
again a half hour later.

I am an American
of Chinese descent,

and you are what, Jay?

Just another overweight
hack TV writer!

Remind me never to get
on your bad side, Lloyd.

- Ari Gold, you could never.
- Way to go, Ari.

Way to go!

Just relax.

You couldn't let it die,
could you, Turtle?

You just couldn't
keep your mouth shut.

I can't take a girl over Arnold, Drama.

He's like
a brother-in-arms.

Was that brother gonna help you
with them blue balls?

It's fine. You should
have just told me.

I know.
You're right.

But you gotta admit, you are a little
sensitive about this shit.

- What shit?
- E doesn't want me to go on his trip.

And he thought I'd be
insulted if he told me not to go.

Why wouldn't he
want you to go?

Seriously, E, we always have a good time
when we travel together, no?

You mad?

No, of course not.

Have a good time.

But you guys
got me thinking.

Maybe we should do
a little trip together.

Hell, yeah!
- Where to?

Oh, you...

Oh, Palmilla, Palmilla.

Cabo San Lucas is beautiful this time of year.

- Isn't it spring break?
Well, I hope not.

E would be real upset
if he missed spring break.

E always did appreciate a good
old-fashioned wet t-shirt contest.

Nah, he's gonna
have a great time.

Excuse me,
could I have another shot of Patron?

Dos, por favor.

All right,
get it in here.

- Cabo.
- Cabo.

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

Only seven hours
from Napa.

What, are you not gonna
talk to me the whole trip?

Oh, I'll talk, but I wouldn't
expect much else.