Entourage (2004–2011): Season 3, Episode 13 - Less Than 30 - full transcript

The boys want to pay for Vince's birthday party as their gift, but Turtle's overspending maxes all their credit cards. Desperate to get Vince back as client from Amanda, Ari practically begs for a meeting and throws in the perfect gift - Vince's dream script, but a dead duck according to Amanda. Drama is obsessed with his Burns movie's billboard. Will Vince accept Turtle's way out, and reward Ari's bribery?

All right.
You got the whole thing?

I got the whole thing 1400 different
ways already, Drama.

Just keep snapping.
It's digital.

- There is no waste.
- Yeah, only my time.

Come on, come on. We're not going
anywhere until somebody recognizes me.

Favor me, but get some
of the other guys too.

- Okay.
- There you go.

Hey, jerk-off!
What kind of loser

takes pictures in front of his
own billboard?

There you go, Drama.
You've been recognized.

E don't count.
It's gotta be a stranger.



Johnny, it looks good.

Looks like it's
gonna be a big hit.

- Thanks, bro!
- We're off to Amanda's.

Yo, Vince, don't forget
to invite her to your birthday party.

Don't worry, she'll be there.
You just make sure it's a good one.

Like we'd throw
you anything less?

- Nice.
- Later, guys.

Later. Oh, here comes
some chicks.

Keep snapping.
See if they recognize me.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Was that Vince Chase
you were talking to?

Hey, Vince.
Happy birthday.

Hey,
thank you.

- Happy birthday, Vince.
- Thanks!



- Happy birthday, Vince.
- Thank you.

Hey, is that my agent or
America's next top model?

Don't patronize me.
I know I look like shit.

I was up all night
fighting with my ex.

- Over the house again?
- No, the dog.

What kind of man sues for custody
of a labradoodle?

Sit.

So...

who did their required
reading last night?

How many?

I read
four of them.

That's impressive.
Vince?

I read half of three.

Look, Amanda,
you have to understand

that you sent some
very large scripts.

It's true. The scripts Ari
used to send us

were in the 90-to-104-page range.
Yours are closer to 140.

It leaves me no
time for skin care.

I'm surprised Ari doesn't
just send coverage.

That's all he
reads anyway.

Look, I can find you
another popcorn movie, no problem,

but you asked me to find something
you could sink your teeth into.

Do you have something?
'Cause none of these quite got us.

This one will.

You guys know
I don't hard-sell,

but this
is the one.

127 pages.

Manageable.

It's Edith Wharton's
"Glimpses of the Moon".

Studio's been trying
to tackle it for years,

nobody could get
a handle on it.

Steve Zaillian did.
The script is wonderful.

Did you guys like
"Age of Innocence"?

I don't remember
the story,

but I do remember after seeing it
I knew how to hold my fork.

I liked "Age of Innocence".
Is Scorsese doing this?

No, Sam Mendes is.

Oh, Sam Mendes.
I love "American Beauty".

Great.
Read at least 90, then.

And they need
a quick answer.

Looks like we have
homework tonight.

No, not tonight.

Come on, tonight we're celebrating
somebody's birthday.

Hey, she remembered.

Nice, what did you
get me?

Great gift,
Amanda!

Great gift.
Thank you.

You're all
welcome.

How is the party
planning coming?

I'm sure it's
gonna be sick.

I'm running things,
so use your imagination.

I'm picturing lots of strippers
and porn stars, Turtle.

He's promised us he's gonna invite
some regular girls too.

Just a couple.
You got to come help fill the quota.

I wouldn't
miss it.

You're welcome to
bring a guest...

if you have
someone special.

Um...

there is nobody,
but thank you, Johnny.

- That's good to know.
- Uh-huh.

Come on! Ah!

Oh, Jesus.

What?

12:00.

Defense! Defense! Defense!

The Lakers game!
The fucking Lakers game!

Oh, Jesus, the house
that I built!

Maybe it was
his birthday present.

You think?

I put him on the fucking court
on Arbor Day,

and that's
her present?

God, she's so
fucking wrong for him.

Oh, Ari, I hate
to see you like this.

Shut up, Lloyd,
I'll be fine.

Your horoscope
doesn't think so.

It said this was going to be a very
tumultuous week.

I bet she'll be at
his birthday party.

Fuck!

He'll probably let her
blow out his candles.

Still no
invite for me, huh?

Not from Vince.
But we did receive an evite

to Patrick Dempsey's house
for running charades.

You know, I've spent Vince's
last five birthdays with him.

I know.
And you know

your present's gonna be
so much better than hers.

It is, Lloyd, it is.
And you want to know why?

Because I'm actually
giving him something that he wants.

Aww.

What the fuck
does that mean?

Heartbreak.

Okay, we need
to talk party.

I think we need
to lose the venue.

Why?
Privilege is great.

They only serve
liquor till 2:00 AM.

We want this thing
to go all night.

Or all morning,
as the ladies come a'running.

Whatever, Turtle.
Your point?

What about Ari?
Does he make the guest list?

No. No no no
no no no no.

No exes
at a birthday party.

- Never never never.
- Hey, that's Vince's call.

I think baby bro was a little freaked
out about seeing him last night.

Nah, Vince
don't get rattled.

Besides us and his mother,
Ari is the longest

relationship Vince has ever had.
He must've been a little rattled.

That's why it's best after a breakup,
professional or otherwise,

to split the town
into even territories.

Ari pays 200 grand a year
for those tickets.

I doubt we can have him banned
him from the Staples Center.

- Yo yo.
- Morning, bro.

- Eggs benedict?
- Yeah, that'd be great, Johnny.

Hey, E, the script is good.
Real good.

- Wow, you read it?
- Cover to cover.

- When?
- Last night.

- Couldn't sleep, bro?
- No, I slept like a baby.

So, E, looks like I beat you
this time, huh?

Guess again.
I read it.

And?

I liked it.
What I understood of it, anyway.

Yeah, I did run to my dictionary
a couple times.

It's different than anything I ever
thought I'd do,

but I love that
Amanda thinks like this.

I'll call her, have her set up a meet-
and-greet with Mendes.

Actually, you know what?
I'll call her.

I want her to know I'm taking
this very seriously.

Hey, maybe
that's her now.

We have this weird synch,
don't you think?

- It's uncanny.
- Hello?

Hello?

Did you just
prank Vince?

I never heard the guy answer the phone
before. It spooked me!

He's gonna know it's you.
Our company name comes up.

Why does it come up? Whose idea was
that? What's the fucking point?

- I don't know.
- He's not gonna know it's me.

- It could've been you calling Drama.
- True.

What do I care if
he thinks it was me?

I'm meant to call.
I'm calling him again.

In a minute.

You call Drama first
so he thinks it was you.

Oh, hey,
Lloyd, what's up?

I bet you're getting some calls
about my billboard, huh?

Uh, no. I haven't heard a thing
about it. Did it go up yet?

Are you kidding?
It's huge.

You obviously
don't drive Sunset.

To and from work every day,
but I'll look again.

- Do.
- I will.

So, listen,

as long as I've got you on the phone,
is Vince there?

What the fuck are you doing?

What you should've done a long time
ago... getting your man back.

So is he
there?

Yeah, he's here,
Lloyd, why?

'Cause, I don't know,
you know,

Ari's here too.
Maybe they should say hi.

I don't think that's such
a great idea.

Put him on the phone, Johnny, or no more
agency comps at Burke Williams.

Someone wants to
talk to you, bro.

- Vinnie boy!
- Hey, Ari.

- How you doing?
- I'm doing great.

I'm doing great.
You know, how you doing?

I'm doing.
I'm doing.

Listen, I don't want
to beat around the bush.

It's your birthday and it made me
realize how much I miss you.

I mean, not like Lloyd
misses you, but friends-wise.

So, uh, I mean,
you miss me, Vinnie?

Yeah...
you know,

friends-wise,
I miss you, yeah.

Great great.
That's great. Listen, uh...

I got a...
I got a gift for you,

and I could just, uh, you know,
I could sent it over.

But I, you know,
I'd love to see you.

I'd rather see your
face and, you know,

grab some dinner,
sort of catch up.

Bring E if you want.
What do you say?

Um...

Make it lunch.
No dinner.

Why not dinner?

You're leading him
on with dinner.

You're saying something I don't
think you want to say.

And what
am I saying?

That you want to jump back in
the sack with him.

I mean, come on,
do you ever go to dinner

with a disgruntled ex,
and she really

wasn't just looking
for some tasty dessert?

I agree with Drama. I mean, he's making
me sick with the metaphors,

but Ari's not doing
this out of friendship.

We'll make it lunch.

You could still have
dessert after lunch.

Better make
it a coffee.

Good thinking. Coffee says "I sit,
but I ain't sucking".

What the fuck is wrong
with you, Drama?

Cursed with wisdom is all.
Oh, yeah.

- That looks good.
- Oh, that's in the hole.

Hey hey hey.

- What's this? No secrets.
- I'm with Vince.

The whispering stops, or nobody's
getting a souffle at dinner tonight.

Relax, Drama.
It's about the party venue.

If it's about money, you don't have
to spend a lot to throw me a party.

Remember ninth grade?
You surprised me at Friendly's.

- That was awesome.
- Yeah it was.

And I got jerked off by the girl
who made the fribbles.

We're not doing this party
at Friendly's, Vince,

and you're not paying for anything.
Turtle, did you take care of the booze?

Done.

- Give me back my Visa.
- No problem.

Wow, Turtle, I've never seen you
cough up plastic so easily.

That's 'cause I still
got the kid's MasterCard,

and that's the one
I'm keeping for the venue.

Hey, jerk-off, you're a grown man.
Get yourself some credit.

You like it or you love it?

- I love it.
- Great.

That's all I need to hear.
I'll set the meeting with Sam.

Okay, great.

Listen, Amanda,
I gotta go.

- I'll check in with you a little later.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Remember: he starts talking business,
change the subject.

You don't think we can have a friendly
conversation with Ari?

I don't think I've ever had
a conversation with him

where he didn't
want something. You?

- I'll change the subject.
- Boys!

Boys, look at that.

Wouldn't even have dinner
with me, huh?

Weird. Kinda feels like
I'm trying to fuck you guys.

Are you?

Look at that... E!
I love it, huh?

Still got little-man's complex
enough to want to fight.

Sit down.
Sit down.

- So...
- So...

So happy fucking birthday.

Oh wow, Ari, thanks.

What is it?

Something that you
really really want.

You know what?
Wait till later to open it. For now...

let's put surprises aside
and just enjoy

one another's company.
We can do that, right?

We can try.

A booze cruise,
I like it.

No last call
on the open water.

And no neighbors
to complain about the noise.

Holy shit, look at that...
another billboard. I'm everywhere.

Spreading like the plague
that you are, Drama.

- Does that guy look familiar to you?
- Huh?

- On the billboard. That's me.
- Oh, congrats.

But I can't see that far
without my glasses.

You ever hear of Lasik?

So what's the price
on this thing?

- 20 Gs for the night.
- 20 Gs, huh?

- Is that a problem?
- No no no, no problem.

- What's the capacity?
- 200, 250 max.

See, that, my friend,
is a problem.

You got anything
that's a little bigger?

- Not a word about business, E.
- Very impressive.

Should I invite him
to the party?

You wanna invite him
to the party?

I wanna invite him
to the party.

Then you should
invite him to the party.

Here he comes.

All right, what do you guys
thing about dessert?

- No.
- No dessert.

- All right, just the check then.
- I already got it, Ari.

Wow, E, you are really
officially keeping this unofficial.

Just friends, Ari,
just friends.

Just friends, absolutely.

So, Ari, I'm having a little...

I'd love to come to your
party, Vinnie. Thank you.

I'm afraid this card
has been declined.

Trouble on the home front, E?

No, it's all good.
I got it.

Calm down, E! You're gonna give
yourself a stroke.

You maxed out three of my fucking
credit cards, Turtle!

- That's worse than a stroke.
- I'm a little over budget, that's all.

How much is a little?

What are you talking about?
You were with him the whole time.

I didn't have my calculator with me.

You're about to dip into your own
pocket... better learn to finger count.

Exactly how far over budget
are you, Turtle?

50... maybe!

50? The whole budget
was supposed to be 50.

E, this party's gonna suck
if we don't do it up.

- We have an 800-person guest list.
- It's supposed to be 200.

It's not my fault
Vince is popular.

It's a disease
in the Chase lineage.

All right.

I'll go up to 35 grand
and that's it.

So unless you and Drama are planning
on ponying up more of your own cash,

that brings us
to a grand total of 60.

- What about what I spent?
- Get it back.

- Yeah, get it back.
- Fuck you, Drama.

We're gonna celebrate your
40th at Chuck E. Cheese.

Are you guys fighting
over the party?

Fighting? We're not fighting.
Did you hear fighting?

Why don't you guys just
let me pay for it, really?

'Cause it's our present
to you, Vince, so stop.

Okay. Okay.

You guys want to see
Ari's present to me?

Yeah.

"Medellin"?
Is this a joke?

- Did he like it, E?
- What the fuck does it mean, Ari?

It means that Vince doesn't have to do
some paint-drying Edith Wharton novel.

- How'd you know about that?
- It is my job to know all, E.

Do you know Edith Wharton?
Always the same movie.

Guy can't fuck the girl
for five years

'cause those were the times.
Can Vince really relate to that?

What's up with "Medellin"?

Why don't you check in with your girl?
She should be able to tell you.

- You fucking with us, Ari?
- Why would I do that, E?

We're all friends.
This is a gesture of friendship.

Now, as a friend,
I advise you to call your girl

and find out why she didn't
hand it to you first.

Car service for nine grand?!
What's that all about?

That's for drunk girls
to get home safely.

We don't need any dead bodies
littering Sunset. Better keep that.

Maybe I could lose the floral
arrangements for four grand.

No no no, nothing gets a girl wet
like a calla-lily centerpiece.

There's just no way to do this!
Maybe we should call it off.

We're not calling it off, Turtle.
We're not getting any younger.

How many of these things
do you think we got left?

We got a lot left.

Don't drag us into
your twilight years, Drama.

Ha, funny. Here, get rid of all
the high-end brand alcohol.

Go generic.
It'll save us a ton.

You know what,

why don't we go the complete
opposite way and make us a ton?

I don't follow.

You will.

You will follow me
to the greatest party ever.

Grabbing us
the Yellow Pages.

I don't understand why Ari is sending
you guys scripts in the first place.

This is a movie Vince has been dying
to do for two years,

so he just figured, you know.

No, I don't know, Eric. As far
as I know "Medellin" is not available.

Benicio is signed on
to play Pablo Escobar.

If that changes, you think
it's going to be a big secret?

What are you getting
so upset about?

I'm upset because in order
to do my job, I need to know

I don't have another voice whispering
in my client's ear behind my back.

- You don't.
- Good.

- Make sure Ari knows that.
- I will.

You should know Ari's going to be at
Vince's birthday party.

- You okay with that?
- As long as he's dressed as a friend.

All right.
I'll check in later.

See you, Eric.

Why would Ari send
that script if it's not true?

I don't know, but I'm gonna
find out tonight.

Find out tonight, but could we stay off
the business and have a good time?

Seriously, guys,
this is a celebration.

Okay okay.

I don't know about you guys, but I
cannot wait to get into that party,

- have myself a nice lobster tail.
- Lobster? Nice!

Unless you want some
tasty Kobe beef instead.

We're having that too, Vin.
It's gonna be a surf and turfer's dream.

And what washes surf and turf
down better than Cristal?

Yeah, I upgraded
the champagne too.

What the fuck's he talking
about, Drama?

I don't know, E.
I, uh...

- I know nothing.
- It sounds good though.

Come on, E. Can't you just have a little
faith and not doubt me?

Maybe this one time
I'll have made you proud.

- Oh, Turtle, you're breaking my heart.
- Yeah, mine too.

'Cause we're about to drive
by my billboard

and nobody seems to give a fuck.

Are you kidding?
Of course we give a fuck!

Oh shit, the light's
busted on it.

You gotta be shitting me.

Motherfuckers.

- Wow.
- Holy shit.

Turtle, you know how
to stretch a budget.

- What was the budget anyway?
- Yeah, Turtle?

Calm down, E.
I got help from some friends.

- What friends?
- Those friends.

- What's up, baby?
- You sponsored the party?

Hold off on your judgment
till you see the whole thing.

Thank you, thank you.
Hello.

- Hey, Vince, happy birthday.
- Thanks.

- What's happening, Turtle?
- Happy birthday, Vince.

- Thank you.
- Happy birthday, Vince.

Thanks.
Oh, I'm so glad you made it!

- Happy birthday.
- Thanks, Sloan.

Hi, babe.

Nice small party, Turtle.

Am I a genius
or what, Sloan, huh?

You're a genius.

Listen, guys, just to get
this out of the way,

I called around,
"Medellin" is dead for us.

It's shooting in four weeks with
Benicio. All things are a go.

I'm sorry.

Why would Ari get
our hopes up like that?

- I don't know.
- There he is. Let's ask him.

I'll let you guys take care
of your business.

I'm going to get
some acupressure.

Hey hey, the birthday boy!

And he brought his muscle.
How are you?

Ari, regifting old projects
again, huh?

I'd expect more for
Vince's birthday present.

Like what?
Like floor seats to the Lakers?

I used to give Vince floor seats
because it was a Thursday!

Guys, be nice.
It's is my birthday.

You are absolutely right, Vince.
I am sorry. Let's bury the hatchet.

Happy to, as soon as you tell me why you
sent my client that script.

If you knew Vince
the way I knew Vince,

you'd know how badly
he wants that movie.

- That movie is gone.
- Really?

Benicio is doing it, Ari.

Benicio is falling out of
love with it, Vince.

- That's not what I'm hearing.
- Your ears were always tiny, Amanda.

You don't know what
the fuck you're talking about.

- He's messing with your head.
- Wanna bet your client on it?

Tell you what: if it's true,
Vince goes with me.

I don't bet my clients.

I thought you didn't even
want me back, Ari?

Yeah, I thought you were acting as a
friend. See, you're never what you seem.

Eric, Vince, I need
to talk to you alone.

- So do I.
- Okay, listen,

because this is the deal.
I will not play this game.

Vince, you decide right now
who you're with.

- Me or him, period.
- I'm with you, Amanda.

- Ari is just a friend. Right, Ari?
- Yes.

And as a friend for many years,
I am asking you

to take one minute
alone with me. Please.

One minute.
One.

- Don't worry, he'll be fine.
- I'm not worried, Eric.

I'm annoyed.

It sounds like a great show.

I'm just shocked I haven't heard
anything about it.

Clearly you must not work in
the business. What do you do?

I'm a writer for
"The Hollywood Reporter".

But don't take it
personally.

I write about movies
and I rarely watch TV.

Me neither!

I know you better
than she does.

I know everything
that you need.

I can get you anything
that you want

and I can't sit back
and watch you piss away

your whole career
like this.

Ari, you said you just wanted
to be friends.

I lied.

I can't just be friends.
I just can't.

Jesus. You think you're the only one
who can help me?

I had a goal for you when we first
started. We didn't reach that goal.

We can go out and get
"Medellin" right fucking now.

I swear to God we can
do it, Vinnie.

You just can't stand
to lose, Ari.

I think that's what it is. I mean,
you've got your big agency now,

and your hundreds
of clients, but still...

losing hurts you so much
that you...

you're willing to do anything
no matter how stupid it makes you look.

No, Vinnie, I care so much

that I don't care how stupid
it makes me look.

Ari, you need to move on.
I have.

Hey, they're looking
for you, Vince.

They're ready
for the cake.

We're still friends
though, right?

Yeah. We will
always be friends.

Good.
Come on, Ari.

Let me buy you a slice.

No cake for me.
Getting mean and lean.

- This is the hungry Ari Gold.
- All right, come on.

- He'll be back, hack.
- You want me to walk you to your car?

This town's not safe
for a bitch.

- Make a good wish, Vince!
- Great one.

Hey, don't forget about me, bro!
I had your back all year.

You want me to put you
in my wish, Johnny?

If you don't mind.

What do you want him to wish for, Drama?
That someone recognizes you?

First of all, you don't say what you
want your wish to be out loud,

you dumb fuck.
Second,

I think Vince can figure out a more
rewarding wish to fulfill for me.

Don't worry, I'm gonna wish
for what I always wish for...

that we all
have a great year!

You said it out loud!
You fucked us all.

Whoa! Don't blow
anything out yet.

- Mind holding this up while you do it?
- Oh, Jesus, Turtle.

Yeah!

- Thank you so much. Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

- Vince. Happy birthday, buddy.
- E.

- Good fucking party.
- So, birthday boy,

Just got word
from Sam Mendes's people.

They want to skip a meeting
and go right to an offer.

Nice! I like the new team.
It's gonna be a good year.

I agree, but actually, I think we should
hold off on "Glimpses" for a while

just in case Ari's right.