Entourage (2004–2011): Season 3, Episode 12 - Sorry, Ari - full transcript

Fuck you doing, Vince?

- I can't sleep.
- Why not?

I think we should
fire Ari.

- What's wrong?
- I had a nightmare.

Was I with another man?

No, Vince was.

I think he's gonna
fire me today.

No, he screwed up good this time, Vince.
There's no denying it.

You had this movie,
a movie that you love,

and he fucked it up.

Put a bullet in him.
Be done with it.



Leave the gun,
take the cannolis.

You're awfully quiet,
Johnny.

I think everyone should
just take a moment,

try my eggs Florentine
and take a deep breath.

You think I should
keep Ari even after this?

I'm not sure
what you should do, bro.

But I do know you don't make
a decision this big on emotion.

And you don't make it
till you know what's next.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, nobody
appreciates their girlfriend

until they get herpes
from the next broad.

- Know what I'm saying?
- No, I don't.

- Do you know what he's saying?
- Nope.

I'm saying you don't
dump your girlfriend



until you're flirting
with a couple other young hotties.

See what other agents
are out there, hmm?

- It's not a bad idea.
- Yeah, I do have a couple.

Yeah, I'll meet
other agents after I fire Ari.

I like it, Vince.
Icy cold.

You know it.
Give him a call, E.

Oh, yeah, real icy.

Fine, I'll call.

Hi, E.

It's not E, Lloyd.
It's Vince. Hi.

Hi, Vince.

- Is he in?
- I'm not sure. Hold on, let me check.

It's Vince.

This is starting early.
Tell E I'll call him back.

It's not E, Ari.
It's Vince.

Vince?
He called himself?

Jesus Christ,
this is not good.

- Tell him I'm not here.
- Really?

Yeah, first rule as an agent is you
never take an angry client's call

unless you have good news
that will make him smile, all right?

Now go make an excuse, any excuse,
and get Alan Gray on the phone.

- I already called.
- Call him again.

I gotta get Vince's movie back.
Now go, Lloyd, go!

I am so sorry, Vince.
He is not here.

Oh, well...

then when he gets in,
tell him I'd like to have lunch.

He wants to have lunch.

Vince, I've got his schedule.
There's no way he can make lunch.

He has a ginormously important
lunch already planned.

Okay, then tell him
to call me back.

Okay, I will.

Why the fuck did you just tell him I had
a more important lunch?

Do you think that's
gonna put a smile on his face?

- What did you want me to say?
- That I have a huge wart

on my cock that needs removal
would have been better.

Wake the fuck up,
Lloyd.

- That's Alan Gray's assistant.
- What does it say?

It says, "Alan will
see you at 10:30."

It's 10: 10. How the fuck
am I gonna make it to the Valley?

By running, Ari,
by running!

- He had a ginormously huge lunch.
- Is that even a word?

- I don't know.
- Well, whether it is or it isn't

he should be eating breakfast,
lunch and dinner with you.

He should be over here
making the fucking beds.

- Ari doesn't like us anymore.
- "Boutique Ari" loved us.

"Big Agency Ari"
doesn't.

Ari does not appreciate
the little guy.

Have I become
the little guy?

- It's just an expression.
- This is every agency card

any of us have been
handed over the past five years.

You saved 'em all?

Yeah, like there's
something weird about that.

Come on, we each
pick one. Bro.

Fuck it. Ari's a dick.
Let's flirt.

Okay, Rick Zimmerman,
InterTalent.

Didn't they close
in, like, 1990?

Oh, yeah, that was given to me during
my "Midnight Caller" recurring.

Why don't we just
call Terrance?

And have Vince repped
by E's girlfriend's father?

- What if she dumps him?
- It's a good point.

Please.
I'll call the majors.

Make this easy.

Oh, yeah,
I remember her.

Bitch.

23 minutes to the Valley.
I'm like Chuck Yeager.

Uh-huh,
he's waiting.

- Do you need a drink?
- I'm all good.

- Morning, Alan.
- You've got two minutes, Ari.

- Be grateful for that.
- I am, Alan, I am.

So let me guess.
This Ramones project

has been causing some discomfort
between you and your biggest client.

Hemorrhoids cause
discomfort, Alan.

This is more like
open-heart surgery.

Well, maybe you
should take this as a sign, Ari.

I mean, you made your name
in TV packaging anyway.

Maybe talent relations
just isn't your thing.

What the hell you mad
at me for, Alan?

I did everything I could
to get Vince on "A2."

He's a kid.
He made a mistake.

You know he'd kill
as Joey Ramone.

Well, maybe he would,
maybe he wouldn't.

But I do know
that Jake Gyllenhaal definitely will.

I saw some of his camera tests for "A2."
He's brilliant.

You know what my only
regret is, Ari?

That I didn't put Jake
in "A1."

Because I could only imagine it would
have been even bigger.

Alan, that's not really fair, okay?
Vince was great.

Well, thank you, Dana,
but you're here to take notes,

not offer opinions. Since there really
aren't any notes to be taken,

you don't need to be here
at all, do you, hmm?

Come to think of it,
neither do I.

It's two minutes, Ari.
Goodbye.

Hard to believe that

you've been divorced
three times, Alan.

This is weird.
I've never had another agent.

I don't even know
what to look for.

Well, let me be your guide, Vince.
Over the years,

I've developed a foolproof system
for judging the merits

- of a prospective agency.
- I guess you've had a lot of practice,

considering how many times
you've been dropped.

Never officially dropped, Turtle.

Although one did move
without telling me.

- Now what's your system?
- I judge an agency on four categories...

decor, service,
amenities and ambiance.

Give up to 10 points
for each category.

The agency with the highest
overall score wins.

I originally devised it for my visits to
day spas, but it's perfectly applicable.

Yeah, I'm sure there's a direct
correlation between Vince's career

- and your anti-aging regimen.

I give 'em a six for decor.

I mean, what kind
of self-respecting agency

has fake plants
in their lobby?

I don't think they're fake.
There's a girl over there watering them.

Yeah, maybe the water's
fake, huh, Drama?

Hi, Vince. I'm Vanessa,
Gene's assistant.

- I love the decor.
- Hi.

- And you must be Eric, hi.
- How are you?

- I'm Turtle. How you doing?
- Hi.

- And you are?
- Not for sale, honey.

Well, everyone's waiting for you guys
down at the conference room.

If you gentlemen
would like to follow me.

We'll be out soon.

Didn't even offer us a drink.
That's a zero for service.

Yeah, but still,
I'd give 'em a 10 for amenities

if she'll let me
service that ass.

The way we see it,
you're not just an actor, Vince.

You're not just
a movie star.

You, sir, are a brand.

Mercedes...

Coca-Cola, two of the most
recognizable names

on the planet.

Vincent Chase.

We intend to make you
as popular as both of them.

Vince has called
three times, Ari.

That's three times more
than he called all of last year.

I know. He keeps calling me,
too, and I got an e-mail.

I didn't even know
he knew how to do that.

- I have other information.
- Yeah.

It's also regarding Vince.

Speak or I will intern you
like it's 1942.

- I am not Japanese, Ari.
- Speak!

Vince is taking a meeting
with another agency.

- How do you know that?
- The Gay Mafia

has been replaced
by the Gay Assistant Corps, Ari.

We know all.

He'll be at Le Petit Four
at 1:30 meeting with Andy Left.

Jesus, he's gonna humiliate
me in public after all these years.

I know.
It's all so sinister.

- I hate break-ups.
- It ain't over yet.

Call Left's office
and tell him it's Eric.

Ari.

- Oh, it's Hitler's evil twin.
- I need to talk to you.

You know, Dana, the only time I've ever
enjoyed talking to you

- is when your mouth has been full.
- Okay, is that nice?

Ari, I have Left's office.

- Hey, Mr. Murphy.
- Hey, bro, listen, I hate to cancel

on such short notice, but Vince isn't
gonna be able to make lunch.

- Sorry, bro.
- Oh my God. Hold on. Let me get Andy.

You don't need to do that.
Just tell him he's a great big fag.

- All right, see ya.

- That's nice, Ari.
- You ain't seen nothing yet.

What's up, Dana?

I'm gonna tell you something,
but you have to swear

- it's not gonna come back to me.
- As always, hand on heart.

- Ari, please.
- I swear.

Alan's not gonna make
this movie.

He bought it just
to spite Vince,

and he's gonna stick it
in a drawer.

- Jesus, he really is crazy.
- Mm-hmm.

- Why you telling me this?
- Because I hate working for him,

and I want out.
And, Ari, come on.

I mean, I love this movie.
I grew up on the Ramones,

and I love it for Vince, so get me
on as a producer.

Sure, how?

- It's Alan's movie.
- No, not yet it isn't.

They're still negotiating
Bob's perk package.

So just make sure
he doesn't sign those papers.

Dana, I have never
cheated on my wife,

not since she became
my wife,

but if you want to jerk me in the car
right now, I'm game.

Rain check, Ari.

Was a little corporate, huh?

Yeah, I felt like I was
in Trump's boardroom.

Well, an overall score
of 22.5

doesn't bode well
for them anyway.

Yeah, but still, if that assistant calls
me back, maybe we should go with 'em.

Hasn't Vince gotten you
laid enough, Turtle?

Well, that depends.
What's your definition of enough?

- Come on, the search continues.
- Hi, how are you?

We're here to meet
Andy Left for lunch.

Andy Left canceled his
reservation over an hour ago.

- Are you sure?
- That's what it says, yeah.

The guy doesn't even bother
to call you?

I'd say that's a substantial point loss
in the service area.

Forget about points, Turtle.
That earns Left a bitch-slap.

Take it easy, Drama.
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.

- Andy Left's office.
- Hey, Lamar, right?

It's Eric Murphy.
I'm standing outside Le Petit Four

with Vincent Chase.
They said that Andy canceled lunch.

- You canceled lunch, Eric.
- I didn't cancel anything, Lamar.

Uh-huh, and I suppose that you didn't
call Andy a big fag, either.

- What?
- Andy would have shed blood,

sweat and tears for Vince,
but he has his principles.

Somebody fucked with us,
canceled our lunch,

said I called Andy
a big fag.

- Ari.
- Definitely!

- He's cockblocking, Vin.
- Yeah, but how did he know?

Because he's Ari,
and he's a dirty sweaty scumbag,

- but he's good.
- Ari, it's E.

You need to call us
back now. No answer.

- Oh, he's definitely avoiding us.
- Definitely.

It's the right move, like when I wanted
to dump Rhona Davies.

She knew about it,
and moved to Australia.

I had to wait two whole years to tell
her we were through.

Fuck it, what's next?

- We got Josh Weinstein at 3:00.
- Really?

How do you think Ari's
gonna take that one?

Josh Weinstein?

Are you fucking
kidding me?

I'm not, and I tried
your little lunch cancelation trick,

- but he was onto it somehow.
- Josh fucking Weinstein!

I don't believe it.
I'd rather Vince fuck my wife.

No, Ari, no!

Just keep
me informed, Lloyd.

Open up
the goddamn door, Bob!

Go away, Ari, or I'm calling my
security company.

And they're all
ex-Navy SEALs.

Bob, stop.
I come bearing gifts.

I don't want gifts.
I want quiet.

Bob, you've known me
20 years, all right? Let me in.

What kind of gifts
do you have?

My car.

750i BMW,

3,300 miles,
built-in iPod dock.

Oak dash.
It's beautiful.

- You own it, or you lease it?
- I lease it,

but I will continue to make
the payments until it expires,

unless you expire first.

You're desperate, huh?

Bob, I will strip down naked
and breakdance through Beverly Hills

if it will get you not to sign that
deal with Alan.

I don't want your junk.
All I want to do is make the movie.

- That's all I ever wanted.
- Bob...

Alan's not going to make that movie
with you, never ever.

Oh, that's complete
bullshit.

No, it's not. It's the truth.
You gotta trust me.

Trust you... oh, ho.

Why the hell
should I trust you?

Because I spoke to someone, Bob,
someone who knows.

- Who?
- Doesn't matter who. What matters is

- it's the truth.
- That's not good enough. I need proof.

I can't
reveal my sources.

- I promised I wouldn't talk.
- Go home, Ari.

Dana Gordon,

V.P. Of production
with Alan.

I used to fuck her back in the day,
so she owes me.

Ah.

- Like the fish.
- Like the artwork.

Ooh, I like her
and her and her.

Looks like about 40 points
to me, huh, Johnny?

Slow down, Vince.
We haven't seen the underbelly yet.

- There's an underbelly?
- Don't be ignorant, E.

- There's always an underbelly.
- Vince, E.

I knew someday our paths
would cross again.

- Good to see you, Josh.
- Great to see you, Vince.

And you, Johnny, are you looking
for representation as well?

Heard about the Ed Burns pilot.
It's a great script.

Today, I wanna focus on Vince,
but you call me tomorrow if you have

any needs that
aren't being met.

May, get these guys
some drinks.

Oh, and, Turtle,
all my assistants love to fuck.

I ask 'em when they interview.
True story.

Come on in, guys.
The whole team's waiting.

- We're so excited.
- I love it here.

Underbelly, Turtle.

Underbelly.

- You feeling this?
- Definitely.

Apple...

Canon...

Vincent Chase.

Are you happy, Ari?
Or is this madness that will turn on me

- on a moment's notice?
- This is happiness, Lloyd.

This is pure heterosexual
male happiness.

- So Bob was receptive?
- Bob was lucid.

Bob was coherent.
Bob was amiable.

Bob could come
to no other conclusion

than to return this film
to its rightful owner...

Vincent Chase.

I like when
you're happy, Ari.

You know, Vince was
my first discovery.

I built other stars' careers,
but he was mine.

I saw him
in this commercial,

and I said, "This kid
has got something," and I was right.

He's more than
a client, Lloyd.

He's like my baby.

I love Vince, Lloyd.

Ari Gold's office.

- It's Dana Gordon.
- And I love Dana Gordon, too.

I love you,
Dana Gordon.

You swore you would keep your mouth
shut, you slimy piece of shit.

Dana...

Even though I know
what a lowlife you are...

I always trusted you.

- Ditto, Dana, ditto.
- But you fucked me.

I was desperate, Dana.

Ari, you have one day
to find me another job,

or the next time I see you at The Palm,
I'm going to squeeze

your fucking dick
with a claw cracker, all right?

Miss Gordon, I'm afraid
your five minutes are up.

- It's time to go.
- Fuck you!

Put one hand on me,
and I scream rape.

This is a classic example
of not judging a book by its cover.

- That place was all surface.
- You were right, Drama.

All surface. I don't believe any
of those assistants love to fuck.

You couldn't even get
a number, huh, Turtle?

- Not a one.
- This is depressing.

Maybe we just go
without an agent.

Drama did that for 10 years.
Really worked for him.

Suck it, Turtle.

Did you sign
those papers, Bob?

You know, you got that
poor girl fired, Ari.

- Did you sign them?
- I-I felt terrible

about calling Alan,
but this is my baby,

- and she was messing with my baby.
- Bob!

I made a 50-year career,
a half-century career

trusting my instincts,
Ari.

And what the fuck
did your instincts tell you, Bob?

They told me it's a different world
out there today.

Different players.
Different ethics.

Different bullshit.

It's a lot less fun,
and I don't like it.

Bob!

I signed the papers,
Ari.

I don't know
if I was right,

but I signed
the damn papers.

I'm over this town.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, me too, Bob.

Me too.

I don't have anything
good to tell Vince.

Just get him on the phone.
Let me take what's coming.

How is it to take it
in the ass anyway, Lloyd?

I don't know, Ari.
I'm on top.

Come on, really?

Anyway, make the call.

- No.
- No what?

No, I will
not call.

Oh, fuck, this is not
gonna be another one

of your "Queer As Folk"
pep talks, is it, Lloyd?

Yes, Ari, yes, it is.
And it's gonna be a good one.

Look, you said first
rule of an agent is not to call a client

till you have good news.
Well, you have no good news.

But I have news for you, Ari Gold.
Yes, you screwed up.

Yes, you were devious.
Yes, you were conniving.

But, yes, you care.

I know that even
when you throw

the most hurtful
homophobic slurs my way,

that you really do care.

Vince knows that.
Just remind him.

You're right, Lloyd.
Look at this place.

75,000 square feet
all built

on my giving a fuck.

Make the call.
Tell every agent

in this building
to get prepared.

- For what?
- For battle, Lloyd.

For battle.

- Ari.
- Finally. Stay strong, Vin.

Hey.

Hey.

So we should talk.

Yeah, Ari, we should, but you're a tough
man to get on the phone.

We should talk
in person.

- All right, I'll drop in.
- When can you be here?

- 20 minutes.
- See you then.

He's coming.
I'm actually nervous.

- That's cute, Ari.
- Get out of my office, Lloyd.

- Should have just done it on the phone.
- It's the right thing to do.

Look him in the eye, let him know
exactly why this is happening.

Fuck that.
Avoid all contact, Vin.

Let him wonder
for the rest of his life.

Courtney DeMayo ditched me on
the phone in the first grade,

and I'm still wondering and hurting.
The phone break-up is so cruel.

Looking Ari in the eyes
is not gonna be easy.

Yeah, and you know
he's gonna beg.

I mean, it's so
fucking weird.

This is gonna be the last time
we drive to Ari's.

- Yep.
- Don't do it.

What?

I think it's
a mistake.

You saw what all those
cookie-cutter guys were like today.

They're all the same.
An agent by nature

is a lying, money-hungry
cocksucker.

That's the breed,
and Ari is best in breed.

How do we know that, Drama?
We've never been with anybody else.

I have. I've had 15 different agents
over the years,

and only that few,
'cause I'm a loyal guy.

Sounds like you don't want
to get dropped

from another agency
when Vince moves on.

Please, Turtle,
if my pilot gets picked up,

I could sign with anyone I want,
and you know what?

I'd stay with Ari. 'Cause we know
where we stand with him.

- He was there from the beginning.

- What are you thinking?
- I'm thinking he's right.

I mean, Ari's been good to us.
He's not like all those other guys.

We know him.
He's our friend.

But he did
fuck us on this.

And as our friend,
he should say he's sorry.

Maybe he will, Vince.
Maybe he will.

- What's up, Lloyd?
- Mr. Chase.

- Mr. Chase?
- Ari wants me to do that today.

Now let's head in. They're waiting
for you in the conference room.

They?

We'll be out here enjoying
the perfect-10 amenities.

You know, even Lloyd's
starting to grow on me.

Oh, you think
Lloyd's cute, Drama?

You know what
I mean, asshole.

Gentlemen, welcome.

- What is this, Ari?
- Yeah, Ari.

I thought this was supposed to be more
of a face to face thing.

It is, Vinnie, it is.
It's you face-to-face

with the face
of this entire agency.

Gentlemen,
please sit down.

Right now, Vince,
phones here are ringing off the hook,

and clients are wondering
where their agents are.

- And you know where they are?
- Yeah, they're in here.

Exactly, and you
wanna know why?

It's because we are
100% committed

to giving Vincent Chase
all that he needs.

Vinnie, you do not need to hear
about the past today.

I'm not gonna bore you
with the details of the past five years

and all that we've
done together.

I don't even need
to talk about the fact that I found you

and brought you
from obscurity to superstardom.

Yeah, good thing he
didn't mention that.

- Yeah, really.
- What you see before you, Vince,

is a full-service agency:

TV division,
music division, reality division.

God forbid, Johnny Drama's
pilot does not go,

boom, he's on "The Surreal Life,"
one phone call.

We wanna make you
bigger than movies, Vince.

We wanna take you
international.

Microsoft, McDonald's,

Vincent Chase.

Brand-name recognition.

What do you think?

I think I need
to think.

Vince.

It's pathetic, Ari.

Vince, what are
you doing?

Ari, I didn't need
the whole dog and pony show.

I really thought you were different
from everyone else.

- Vince, I am.
- Ari, you do things your own way

and you don't give
a shit what we think about it.

I do give a shit.
You should have seen me today,

begging and pleading,
trying to get you that movie back.

But it's gone. The past is the past.
Let's look to the future.

You're unreal. I mean, even after
you fuck up like this,

you can't even muster
the strength to just, as my friend,

look me in the face
and say "I'm sorry."

- That's all you wanted?
- That's all I wanted.

Then I'm sorry, Vin.

It's too late.

- Vince.
- Ari.

- You're fired.
- Let's roll.