Entourage (2004–2011): Season 2, Episode 5 - Neighbors - full transcript

- Hello.
- What, do you wake up at noon, Eric?

It's 10:15. I had a late night.
What's up?

You're gonna have a fabulous day.
Get up and grab "Variety."

- Why? What's it say in "Variety"?
- I told you I'd get you the cover,

- and I did.
- Holy shit.

What's it say?

Hold on.
Christy, come on.

It says, "Vincent Chase
swims into 'Aquaman'."

Clever, huh? And they got
his picture side by side

with Jeffrey Katzenberg,
so it looks more gorgeous by comparison.

- Fuck me.
- No thank you. It'd be nice



- if you sent me flowers. Bye.
- How can they print that?

- It's not even true.
- Come on.

"Variety" is like
a high school paper.

They pay their writers
28 grand a year

to find out something to write
about the popular kids.

What are we gonna do, Ari?
This is a big problem.

First of all,
there is no "we" in "I."

I am already on it.
I called Dana Gordon.

You spend a lot of time
waiting to be called back.

You know what? I got her her job,
so she will call me back.

- What should I tell Vince?
- Until we confirm that Leo

is actually doing this movie,
nothing has changed.

We heard this from a fucking
club promoter named Chucky.

Until we find this out from someone
who works in this business,



- Vince is still Aquaman.
- You're still Vince's agent.

Keep checking with me
to confirm that.

Yo, E, this is Vince's first cover.
Good job, baby.

E, you're en fuego. I may want you
to start managing me soon.

Why haven't you asked
to manage me yet?

He's waiting for your new legs
to come in, Drama.

Speaking of which, you gonna give me
cash or Vincent's black card,

'cause there's a couple
more things I might need.

What do you want to do now,
get your ears pinned back?

We need a new set of kitchen knives,
dickface. These blades are for shit.

You know Vince likes
his tomatoes sliced paper thin.

Oh, and, E,
Carrie Carlson called.

See that rug in the living room?
She's gonna need 50K for that.

I'll need a grand for a steam cleaner
'cause Arnold had a little problem.

We might want to consider a permanently
installed wok. Very versatile.

Guys, look, there's something important
we need to talk about.

- Yo yo!
- Hey, guys.

- Hey to you, neighbor.
- What happened to Cindy last night?

We're hanging out, having a good time.
She just broke out.

Don't worry, Turtle,
I'll find you a girl.

- You promise?
- I promise.

I'm gonna grab my stuff.

Be right back.

Hey, Vince, E's got something really
important to talk about.

What's up?

Nothing. I just...

- Hello.
- Delivery.

Hey, welcome
to the neighborhood.

- Hey, Bob Saget.
- There he is.

Aquaman himself.
How you doing?

Been reading about you all morning, man.
I live right next door.

I'm a big fan, Vince,
so are my daughters.

But do me a favor, don't fuck 'em.
Don't you fuck my daughters.

- I'm just fucking with you.
- Hey, Bob.

- Staci, how you doing?
- Good.

Is that cute little filly
Michelle in town?

No, she's modeling in Dubai.
She'll be back on Saturday.

- Make sure she calls me, will you?
- I will.

I just got divorced.

Ex-wife got the house
in the Palisades.

No biggie. I got four other houses.
I don't give a shit.

Well, I gotta go.
See ya.

- Bye. Good to see you.
- Bye.

- Bye-bye.
- Look at that gait.

Who do you think is more recognizable,
you or me? Seriously.

Anyway I've taken up
enough of you guys' time.

Have fun. Enjoy the muffins... handmade.
Anybody an Xbox guy?

All right, I'm right next door.
Good to see you.

Welcome to the neighborhood, man.
Congrats.

All right.

- Hey, Bob, see ya.
- See ya, man, take it easy.

- Bye, dude. Take care.
- All right.

- Be good.
- You too.

Who the fuck was that guy?

All I'm saying, Vince,
is we should have a house rule:

Either we all get laid
or nobody gets laid.

That way you know you'll always have
a ride home for your girl.

Staci doesn't need a ride.
She's three houses down.

Turtle's the one
looking for a ride.

I live three doors down from the cast
of "America's Next Top Model,"

and I ain't getting laid?
That's the worst cold streak ever.

Turtle, a cold streak
implies that you were once hot.

Go easy on him, E.
Come on.

Even A-Rod goes on
a bad run sometimes.

Yeah, but even when A-Rod's slumping,
he's still getting pussy.

Keep fucking laughing, E.
You give me the manager title,

- I'll be overflowing in it.
- Walsh!

There he is,
Mr. Studio Feature.

Hey, I thought
we were indie guys.

Suits got you headed
for superstardom, huh?

I'm just fucking around.
Cameron's great.

But listen, I'm writing
something for you.

- You'd better be available.
- Anything for you. You know that.

You hear that, suit?
That's an oral agreement. Don't fuck me.

All right,
who's ready to loop?

I am.

Nah, Johnny,
your sound is clean.

This is Vince's day, okay?

See, I project a lot
better than you, bro. Sorry.

Hey, Turtle, you wanna do
a little lap around here?

- Yeah.
- See you guys later.

- See ya.
- So can we see a little footage?

Through the glass.
No one sits in on my sessions.

See now these
countertops are nice,

but these cabinets are for shit.
Who would do that?

Look, I'm gonna let
you have this one.

Don't worry about it. Just focus,
keep your eye on the ball, all right?

- All right.
- Look alive out there.

Hey, honey, how you doin'?

Enough's enough, man.

- Who are you calling?
- Lorraine, my sure thing.

She can't spell "no."

I'm gonna put an end
to the streak right now.

Stick it in the mailbox
once I'm gone.

Let the cops
chase after a dead man.

But he was your brother.

Half-brother.

Take care of yourself.

Hey, you ever coming back?

You kidding?
I am Queens Boulevard.

This shit looks amazing.

- This gonna be a good movie.
- Yeah, it looks real good.

Hey, you ever coming back?

You kidding?

I am Queens Boulevard.

- Listen, guys, we have a major problem.
- Don't worry about Turtle.

Johnny Drama's got one of his
sure things on the way.

He's not talking
about me, asshole.

The guy's been stressed out
about shit all day.

What's the problem, E?

All right, this is serious.
You can't tell Vince.

- What is it?
- We have no money.

- Yeah, right.
- Come on, E, what do you mean?

Vince spent every last dollar he had
on that house down payment.

We have no other money.
The bills keep piling up.

- We gotta shut down the spending.
- E, would you relax?

We got that big fat check from "Aquaman"
coming any day now.

No, it's not.
They pulled the offer.

You kidding?

I am Queens Boulevard.

Bam!

That is why
you're a movie star.

I got Dana Gordon's
assistant on the phone.

What the fuck
are you wearing?

I'm trying out new looks.

This one's my Andre 3000.
You like?

No, I don't. You look like
Michelle Kwan in drag.

Do a triple fucking axel over
to the phone and try Cameron again.

- Where is she, Amanda?
- This is Jan. Amanda was fired.

- Jan, where is she?
- I'm sorry. I haven't seen her all day.

- You new in town?
- I've been here a month.

Okay, you probably
don't know me. You will.

Pass this message
along to Dana.

Tell her I still have
the pictures from Cancun.

Tell her I'm gonna
start a website.

I'm gonna take a full-page ad
in "The LA Times" advertising it.

It will be called "I'm a Hollywood
Executive Whore dot-com,"

and no password or fee
will be required.

Tell her I want
a fucking callback.

E, when can I sit down
with James Cameron?

Ari's waiting for a call.

Wow. Even Ari can't get
Cameron on the phone.

Yo, Vince, James Cameron
ain't that great.

What are you talking about?
You saw "Terminator" a hundred times.

I watched it for Linda Hamilton.

Plus he likes to see the governor
naked at the beginning.

- Anthony.
- E. What's going on, players?

- What's going on?
- Nothing like what you got going on.

Listen, Vince, if they're looking
for a little color for that film,

I'd be a great fish.
Prepare 'em to pay my quote though.

- I'll do what I can.
- Hey, do more than that.

Remember who got
your brother that part in "Barbershop."

- They cut me out.
- You got paid, Drama,

so shut the fuck up,
you ungrateful bitch.

Jesus! All right,
take care, Vince, man.

See ya, buddy.

- Yeah.
- Hey, Vince.

I got a table for you guys
right out here.

So how you been?
You been busy, Jamie?

Yeah, I've been
real good actually.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

- Why don't you join us?
- Because I'm working, Turtle.

Damn.

Ice cold.

Don't you worry, Turtle.
Lorraine is on her way.

- James Cameron's office.
- Hi, who am I speaking with?

This is James's assistant Emily.

Hey, Emily, this is Ari Gold.
Do you know me?

Yeah, Ari,
it's Emily.

You're joking, right, Ari?

Emily! I totally forgot
that you work over there.

- How are you?
- I am good, Ari.

- I'm amazing. You miss me?
- Like I miss head lice.

Uh-oh.
Did we end badly?

You were supposed to write me
a reference letter.

I can write another one
if you're unhappy.

- How do I get James on the phone?
- Wait for him to call you back.

'Cause I totally gave him
all nine messages.

Uh...

listen, Emily, honey,
what do you know about "Aquaman"?

That he fights crime underwater.

Bye, Ari.

You know, Johnny, I know
last night I said I was in,

but new calves?

Come on, man.
I can't let you do it.

It's ridiculous.

You know what, Vince? You're right.
I'm gonna put the calves on hold.

Really? Just like that?

Yeah, you made a good argument.

And Vince, I was thinking,
that 70-inch plasma you got me,

it's a little too big
for my room.

If you don't mind,
I'd like to switch to a 50.

Or maybe a 30.

Maybe I don't even need
a TV in my room at all.

I'm jerking off way too much
as it is anyway.

Here's Lorraine.

Damn, she's hot
for a sure thing, Drama.

Relax. Let me
take care of this.

Turtle, sit up straight.

- Take your hat off, Turtle.
- Guys, don't mother me, okay?

There's the guy I was telling you about,
in green... Turtle.

Give her a wave.

No no, don't wave.
Give the nod.

Yeah. What?

Wait, baby, hold on.
He's a nice guy.

- Don't sweat it, Turtle.
- You did the wave-nod, bro.

She could smell your desperation
from the doorway. That was a lay-up.

That's Staci.

Hello.

Hey, when are you
coming home?

Pretty soon. We're just
finishing up lunch.

You and the boys should come by.
I've got a bunch of friends

- hanging out by the pool.
- Really?

Is that girl Turtle
was talking to last night there?

- She's here.
- All right. We'll see you soon.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Jamie, can we get a check?
- Yeah.

She's there.
She thinks you're cute.

She saw you at night,
so don't be upset

when you get there
and she's not so excited.

Please, Drama.
All I need is a little Vince magic,

- put me right back on track.
- Thanks, Vince.

- I got that.
- I got it. I got it.

All right, what the fuck
is going on?

You guys haven't paid
for anything since '95. Come on.

I don't even believe you
have money in your pockets.

I got your Visa card, Vince.

He doesn't want calves.
He doesn't want a new plasma.

All right.

Come on, 'fess up.
What, am I getting "Punk'd"?

- Ask E.
- Ask E.

How could you not tell me this?

I'm waiting to hear from Ari
about what's going on.

Don't hide things from me.
You're supposed to be my best friend.

I'm your manager now.
I'm trying to do what's right.

I'm walking around town
like a total jerkoff.

I mean, people are
congratulating me.

It's totally humiliating.
And we bought the house!

What did Ari say?

Here's the good news:
I spoke to Leo's agent.

He's a friend.
He's out.

Leo is booked until '09,
and beside that,

since "Titanic" he won't
go anywhere near the water.

- And this is good news?
- I'm trying, Vinnie.

Yeah, well, try harder, Ari.

You too, Eric. You're right,
you're not my friend on this.

You're my manager.

You sit around waiting
for other people to call you back.

You sit around waiting
for him to call you back.

Go somewhere
and do something.

Don't tell me that it's good news
that a movie I didn't want to do

that you talked me into
is still possibly mine.

Now that James Cameron is doing
this movie, I want it, all right? Badly.

So get up off your asses

and accomplish something,
or I will find people who can.

You can find your
own way home too.

We gotta get Cameron
to see "Queens Boulevard."

You haven't even seen it yet!

I saw the scenes Vince looped today.
They looked amazing.

So you want me to get
the biggest director in the game

to see some low-budget indie flick
that you think is amazing

based on some out-of-context scenes
from a looping stage.

What do you suggest?

I suggest that we get the two
of them in a room together.

How you gonna do that, Ari? You can't
even get anyone to call you back.

- I'm gonna call Emily.
- She doesn't care for us, Eric.

Yeah well, there's no
"us" in "me," Ari.

Yo, fuck Aquaman, Vince.

There's plenty other
superheroes out there.

- Yo, you'd make a great Green Lantern.
- Thanks, Turtle.

Vince, guys, come on in.

Oh, God is shining
down on me today.

Turtle, if you can't get
laid here, turn your dick in.

Come on, I'll introduce
you guys to the girls.

I'm gonna find the loo.

- Right there.
- Yo, Aquaman.

What do you say you and I
dive into the pool,

see who can hold our breath the longest?
I'll bet you a million dollars I win.

You don't have that kind
of money yet, do you? I do.

Vince, wait, I gotta
tell you something. Hold on, baby.

I'll be right back. Vince...

You are my idol. Seriously.

Staci, she's a fucking thoroughbred.

I've been trying
to close her for years.

I offered her 100 grand once
for one night at the Four Seasons Maui.

You know what she did?
She smacked me in the face.

You are a stallion, man.

It's not every day
somebody scores the madam.

Madam?

- Oh no, come on.
- I can't believe you didn't know that.

You gotta be kidding me.
You're not kidding me?

I got a house account here...
here and Nate 'n Al's.

Just those two places, man.

Oh, Vince, baby.

Listen to me,
don't sweat it.

Staci is one piece of pussy
that has no price.

Dude.

Eric Murphy.

Why am I not surprised?

I don't know.
I was kind of hoping you would be.

Oh, well, I expected
you days ago.

Yeah.

Did you quit smoking yet?

- Four months.
- Really?

- Mm-hmm.
- Nice. Me too.

- Really? Wow.
- Yeah.

You wanna grab a cup
of coffee or something?

Well, I guess you probably
can't leave here, right?

James is not like Ari.

I can do what I want.

James. You call him James?

The string painting she did,
I'm getting it framed.

- You know that, right?
- She's very talented.

- She does beautiful work.
- Ari, I think it's nice

that you're finally taking
an interest in the family.

Come on, why are you making
such a big deal of this?

I'm not some absentee dad.

- Come on.
- Ari.

- Hey, baby.
- There's your dad.

There she is.

- Hey, sweetie.
- There's my girl.

Hey, how are you?
Dana Gordon!

I'll be right back.

- You are an animal, Ari.
- Total surprise. Give me one second.

Amazing you're still
showing up at school like this.

Won't let the nanny do it? Whatever
they're paying you, it's not enough.

What are you doing here?
It's not a good time.

Okay, fine. When is a good time?
Tonight at your house?

- Invite your husband, have a slideshow.
- You're out of your mind.

I have never been jerked around
like this before, Dana, never.

And I will not tolerate it
from some glorified D-girl.

Do not fucking talk to me like that,
Ari. My job is on the line.

You don't think I want Vince?
I want Vince, Alan wants Vince.

What about Mr. Cameron?
Does he want Vince?

He doesn't
know who Vince is.

Jesus!

- Look, we're working on that.
- Okay, listen.

Let's get the two of them
in a room together.

Anywhere on this planet.
I will pay for it if I have to.

Vinnie will take care
of the rest, all right?

- Fine.
- All right.

Baby, what are you...

Can I get a ride?

I flew in this stuff from
Colombia on my own private jet.

Sandinistas don't know shit
about overthrowing a government,

but I'll tell you,
they sure do grow some fine herb.

- It's really nice, Bob.
- Bob, I don't know if you remember,

but I did an ep
of "Full House" in '94.

I played Stamos's
tough-guy nephew.

Really? I don't remember that.

Don't take it
personally, Johnny.

I was so whacked out
on Vikes and Halcion

during the '90s,
I don't remember shit.

I'm clean now though, right?

- I remember that part. You were great.
- Really?

Hey, Misty, why don't you
show me your room, baby?

Come on, I got some stuff
I want you to see.

Got some Courvoisier.

Did you just get
cock-blocked by Bob Saget?

- Hi there.
- Are you mad?

No, I'm just
a little shocked.

Why?

I don't know. I mean, do I, like,
owe you money now?

Don't be an asshole, Vince.
I'm not a hooker.

Good, because I've
never paid for sex.

And I'm not looking to start,

although you'd
be worth every penny.

I should pay you.

Oh my God,

look at my poor boys.

It's gonna be like telling them
there's no Santa Claus.

Vince, I feel awful
about deceiving you guys.

So I'm gonna pay for Turtle and Drama
to have a good time today

- out of my own pocket.
- No, I can't let you do that.

- How much is it?
- My girls usually get

between $5,000 and $7,000
for the full pampering package.

Wow.

You know, money's
a little tight right now.

Can I finance this?

Sure.

Right here.

Right here.

Oh oh!

- What are you guys so happy about?
- Skyrockets in flight, E.

- He had a little afternoon delight.
- What, the neighbor's house?

I met this girl Jeanette. Couldn't lose
this girl in a maze... she loved me.

Yeah, mine too.
She took me up into her bedroom

and performed like it was
strictly business.

- I'm back, baby, I'm back.
- Yeah, baby.

Hey, thanks, bro.
Look, I know these girls are pros,

but don't tell Turtle.
It'll break his heart.

Yo, Vince,
way to hook it up.

I know those girls were hookers,
but don't tell John.

His streak's like five times
as long as mine.

- So, E, what do you got?
- I got something.

- It's not perfect, but it's something.
- Would you just say it?

James Cameron is gonna screen
"Queens Boulevard."

- Yes!
- You talked to James Cameron?

- Emily did actually, yeah.
- You're gonna start up with her again?

We'll start as friends and see.

Friends are girls you just haven't
fucked yet. You know that.

Thanks for the wisdom. I'm gonna go
see Walsh. Anybody wanna come?

- Nope.
- No.

Hey.

Real sorry to bother you, Eric,

but can you explain why
my meeting's canceled?

- What meeting, Ari?
- Vince's meeting with James Cameron.

They said that he will
not take the meeting

until after he sees
"Queens Boulevard."

Can you fucking explain
that to me, Eric?

I didn't think you
could get the meeting.

Emily didn't think so either.
Don't worry about it.

- Cameron'll love it.
- He better.

Because you know what?
It's all on you now, Eric.

- Billy!
- Suit, what's the word?

Got great news.
Before they finalize Vince's deal,

James Cameron wants to screen
"Queens Boulevard."

- You serious?
- Believe that shit?

James Cameron
is gonna see your movie.

- He's coming to Sundance?
- No, we're gonna send a print

- to his house.
- Fuck that.

Hey, neighbor.
Hi, Billy.

We have to make this quick.
I have a 9:00.

Billy, look,
this is important, man.

Look, suit,
nobody sees my film till Sundance.

James Cameron wants to see it,
tell him he can stand in line

in the snow
like everybody else.

Excuse me. I only have an hour
to take care of business.

- Shall we?
- Billy, listen...

I think I made myself clear.

Can I have a shot
of Jack?