Entourage (2004–2011): Season 2, Episode 12 - Good Morning Saigon - full transcript

Turtle lost the Maserati Vince gave him, worth $100,000- it was reported stolen and is found; the thief left in it a reggae demo CD; Johnny Drama just wants the police informed in order to catch him, Vince is simply cool relaxed, Turtle suggests one song by the unknown artist 'Saigon' would by ideal to use in Vince's movie-in-production Queens Boulevard; Vince agrees but tells him to suggest that idea himself, he doesn't want the hassle of facing the picky man in charge, so Turtle and Johnny go looking for Saigon. Ari phones E, worried sick Vince missed an appointment, quite unlike him, for his physical without which the insurance won't allow him to start shooting the next day. Vince reassures the boys, but E is called away stat to a meeting with Ari and all Mandy's people, lead by Babs, a rival of Ari, where Vince's behavior is branded as a bad influence on Mandy. Ari tells him in confidence Cameron said Vince is replaceable, but E passes that on to Vince, who had a miserable day trying out Aquaman's impossibly imprecise claw-weapon, doesn't feel like anything, even the movie, is worth leaving Mandy for and decides to get back at Vince...

What's up?

It is 9:30! Do you know
where your only client is?

Testing out the new emergency
asshole system, Ari?

Vince missed his physical
this morning.

No physical,
no insurance.

No insurance,
no movie.

Yeah, I know all about it.
I'm handling it.

- When?
- As soon as he resurfaces.

Nice "Aquaman" lingo.
At least one of you

is committed to this
fucking movie.

- Bye, Ari.
- Hey, take this seriously, E.



Got MILF?

- Thank you.
- Superhero or no superhero,

it's downright rude
to be this tardy.

- Maybe we should get him a driver.
- He's got a driver.

It's not my fault. I'm on call,
but I need to be called.

Besides,
he coulda took a cab.

Nobody takes cabs
in L.A., Turtle.

'Cause no one can figure out
what color they are.

They got blue ones, green ones,
red ones, white ones.

Fuck a city where the cabs aren't
monochromatic yellow.

- Uh-huh.
- Here he is.

Oh, hey, Aquaman.

- Mandy finally let you out of her web?
- Sorry I'm late.

You know how hard it is
to break away from a good spooning.



- What are we eating?
- We already ate.

Just for the record,
I took the liberty of ordering you

- this beautiful egg white frittata.
- Where is it?

E had 'em clear it.

In all fairness, the cheese
was starting to congeal.

That's what happens
when you leave your breakfast

- sitting on the table for 45 minutes.
- I get it.

I shouldn't have kept
you guys waiting. I'm sorry.

No, you don't get it.
You fucked up.

- You missed your physical.
- Oh, fuck.

I totally forgot.
We overslept.

You're gonna have 4:00 A.M. Call times.
Those gonna be a problem?

- No, no problem.
- Scout's honor.

- So, what else?
- You got weapons instruction at 2:00.

You're gonna learn how
to use Aquaman's claw.

Sweet!

- What?
- Maybe now's not a good time to ask,

but I kind of told Mandy
I'd go house-hunting with her.

Anyway, we can
push it back, right?

- Just an hour.
- Come on, don't be irresponsible.

Irresponsible?

You know, maybe we should
pick up the Maserati

before we all start
saying things we regret.

- Where's the Maserati?
- Police impound.

Got stolen right in front
of Nacional last night.

Guy loses a $100,000 car,
which I gave him,

and he's calling me
irresponsible.

Barbara Miller's
on the phone for you.

- She's Mandy Moore's agent.
- I know who the fuck she is.

Go get me a kava berry shake
with a pinch of bee pollen,

all right, Lloyd?
What do you got, Babs?

I got a giant fucking migraine
is what I got.

I'll give you one
of my famous shoulder massages.

- You remember those from the old days?
- I do, Ari.

I also remember you threatened
to sue me for sexual harassment

right before I fired you.

- Didn't we settle out of court?
- Enough flirting, Ari.

- I want you to listen the fuck up.
- What's the problem?

The problem is your client
Vincent Chase

is about to destroy
10 years of my hard work.

I need some face-to-face
before this gets ugly.

- I'll wear something clingy.
- You do that.

I'm telling you, once
your car's been stolen,

it never runs
the same again.

It's like a guy sleeping
with your girl.

He leaves his mark
all over her.

And how does a car
know it's been stolen?

Ask the Buddhists, bro.

They believe everything's got a soul,
even a toaster oven.

- Say, Shauna, what's up?
- Break out your composition notebook,

and I want you to write 1,000 times
"I promise to control my client."

- What now?
- This week's "Us Weekly"...

three-page spread
of Vince and Mandy,

including pictures of them
massaging produce at Bristol Farms.

I told you Vince wasn't gonna
let the press control his life.

- Pictures were inevitable.
- Fuck you, Eric.

These look like
they're posing for them.

Didn't I say fucking
soy milk, Christy? Come on!

Soy milk's got more fat
than regular milk...

Don't be a wise-ass.

It's the other line, Shauna,
Be well. Hey.

- Hey, idiot.
- Hey, what's up, asshole?

Listen, I know about
the "Us Weekly" pictures.

- I'm not worried.
- What does worry you, Eric?

You're just so fucking
calm, so poised,

- it makes me want to smack you.
- Go for it. I gotta go.

I'm not calling about
"Us Weekly" pictures.

- Be here in 30 minutes.
- Why? What's up?

We're going to hell,
so bring your sunblock.

Sir, how long is
this gonna take?

Five minutes less than
when you asked last time.

I need the keys
to the Hummer.

- Where are you running?
- I got a meeting with Ari.

- About what?
- Who the fuck knows?

I'll meet you at Warners'.
Make sure he's on time.

You're being very hard
on me today, E.

- Hey, Lloyd.
- Wrong way, Eric.

Today we're in the war room.
Follow me.

- War room?
- It's really just a conference room,

but Ari likes to refer
to it as "the war room."

Makes him feel
like a gladiator.

- Everybody's waiting for you.
- Who's everybody?

Mandy's people,
and they don't look happy.

But don't worry,
I got you your favorite...

- Mrs. Beasley's chocolate chip muffins.
- Thanks, Lloyd.

Little memory trick when they
introduce themselves... word association.

Like, you say "Eric Murphy"
and I think, "loser."

- Like "Ari Gold"..."douchebag"?
- Mm-hmm.

Hey everybody, this is
Vinnie's manager Eric Murphy.

Say hello to Mandy's
manager Phyllis,

Mandy's music agent Mark,

Mandy's publicist Stan,

her attorney Jeff,
her music manager Craig,

and most importantly,
her theatrical agent

and one of my earliest mentors
Barbara Miller.

So, Ari, who's gonna be
running this shindig, you or me?

You've got the biggest cock in the room,
Babs. Why don't you kick it off?

Oh, I don't know
about that, Ari.

We haven't seen Eric's yet.

Yo, Vince, this shit
is hot. Who is it?

- No clue.
- Sounds like Eminem to me.

What do you know
about hip hop, Drama?

Are you crazy, bro?
I'm O.G.

O. G? The last
hip-hop CD you bought

was the Kid 'N Play
box set.

- So who is it then?
- I never heard it before.

Yeah, me neither.

Since when does E
listen to rap music?

"Saigon."
Four tracks.

- It's a demo?
- No way that's E's.

He knows as much about
the rap music business as Willie Nelson.

So this idiot thief
forgot his demo?

How lazy could this guy be?

It's got his address
and his phone number on it.

We should call the cops.

This Saigon could be
a three-strike offender.

We could put him away for life.

Oh yeah, you are
truly O.G., Johnny.

Yo, Vince, think about this song
for the end of "QB"

you on the screen,
the rain pouring down.

You say "I am
Queens Boulevard"...bang,

this song comes on.

That's a good idea, Turtle.
I'll call Walsh, set up the meeting.

Yeah? Yeah,
I'll go with you.

Uh, no, you go alone. No way I'm telling
Walsh how to score his movie.

That guy's crazy.

So, Vince miss meetings
a lot, Eric?

- No, not really.
- 'Cause Mandy doesn't miss meetings.

Mandy doesn't ever
miss meetings.

- Cool.
- In fact...

Mandy hasn't missed
a meeting in 15 years.

- She's never even been late.
- Once, but that was during the riots.

Wow. Sounds like you have
a tremendously punctual client.

This is not fucking funny, Eric.

No it's not. So why don't you
tell me why I'm here?

You're here because
Vince isn't the only one

who missed a meeting today.
Mandy did too.

What are you saying?
Vince is a bad influence?

Eric, we both know

Vince has fucked
half the actresses in this town.

Mandy, on the other hand,
is a good girl.

You gonna sit there and let them
bad-mouth Vince like this?

- Thought that was a compliment.
- Nobody's bad-mouthing Vince.

- Yeah, we love Vince.
- Vince is adorable.

They're just asking you,
as his personal manager,

to get Vince to put this relationship
on hold until the movie's over.

Ari, the guy's in love. He's not going
to put his relationship on hold.

But I promise you he will be
where he needs to be.

You guys do the same thing
with Mandy and we'll be fine.

Okay? We done?
Nice meeting you.

Eric.

You don't want to wind up
spinning dough

at that fucking
pizza place again, do you?

Told her a little bit
about you.

Listen, Babs,

you don't want
to talk to me like that.

'Cause I don't care who you are.
Yes, I am Vince's manager,

but we've also been best friends
since we were six years old

and I don't appreciate
sitting in a room

discussing his personal life
with a bunch of fuckin' strangers.

- Eric...
- You sandbag me like that me again,

we're gonna have
a big fuckin' problem.

We have a big fuckin'
problem right now!

If you don't take
this seriously

the whole fuckin' movie's
gonna go down in flames.

- I told you I had it under control.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- I didn't tell you this.

- Tell me what?
- This stays between the two of us.

- Speak, Ari!
- You have to take this seriously.

You can't tell Vince,
'cause it will freak him out.

You promise me?

- I promise.
- All right.

James Cameron called.

- And?
- He said that Vince can be replaced.

- Going down?
- It looks like we all are.

Look, I'm sorry about
that pizza remark.

Sorry I came back
at you so hard.

You were just doing what
you were supposed to do.

- Protecting your client, right?
- That's right.

So who else
do you represent, Eric?

Oh, right.
Just Vince.

You want to start
in again, Barbara?

My point is
I have 100 clients.

So if I'm this worried
about one of 100,

how worried should you
be about one of one?

That's some apology,
Barbara.

- Hey, Billy.
- Oh!

What, did the kids
run away from home?

I'll call the front desk.
I'll have them send up a futon.

- We're not here for a sleepover, Bill.
- Oh, really?

Well what are you
here for then?

I'm here to get a couple
of my scenes put back in the movie.

I got a hot song
for "Queens Boulevard."

Thanks, but no thanks. I'm scoring
the whole thing myself with a sitar.

- What else?
- Come on, Billy.

You know the studio ain't
gonna release the movie

with that music
you had in at Sundance.

You need a bangin'
soundtrack.

I don't give a fuck
if they release it.

All I care about is if it's
the best movie it could be.

You put my liquor store
meltdown scene back in,

you get an Independent
Spirit Award guaranteed.

Guys, I got a busy day.

- Just give it a listen.
- No.

- Why not?
- Because I already picked the songs.

I don't want my
head getting confused.

Billy, I know music.
All right? Trust me.

All right, but I want
Johnny's watch.

What?

No problem.
Give him your watch.

I ain't givin' him my watch.

I'll put the liquor store scene back in
and I'll listen to the song.

Deal.

I was gonna put
that scene back in anyway.

Now play your
funky music, white boy.

I love it.

End titles.

That's exactly
what I was thinking.

We got $10,000 left for music,
that's it. Who owns the rights?

Great job, Turtle. You just sold
a song you don't own.

You know what my pops
used to say?

"I wish I had a daughter"?

No. "Sell it,
don't smell it."

Don't worry,
we'll get the rights.

- How?
- We'll wing it, my man.

What the fuck is the matter
with you, Vince?

That's the 17th whale
you've killed today.

They're the biggest targets, Dale.

Yes, and they are also
Aquaman's biggest friends.

You kill the whales
and then all you've got left

is a pod
of pissed-off sharks.

An hour late.
Must have been some meeting.

- Yeah. How's it going in here?
- Not going worth a shit.

The boy here has killed more whales
than the Japanese fishing fleet.

- This thing is impossible.
- You gotta focus.

- You don't think I'm focused?
- You killed 17 whales?

And three dolphins...
also Aquaman amigos.

- Jesus.
- It's a fucking claw, E!

They just invented this.
Nobody's ever used this before.

Stop crying. I'm gonna get
some more harpoons.

All right, E.

What's up?

Obviously something
has upset you.

A lot of people are upset
you missed your physical.

- What people? Ari?
- No, Mandy's people too.

- They were there? Why?
- They think you're a bad influence.

Me? It was her alarm clock
that didn't go off.

- Come, on Vince, really.
- No, you come on.

You actually sat in a meeting
and discussed my personal life?

No, as soon as I figured out what they
wanted, I told them all to fuck off.

You told Barbara Miller
to fuck off?

Yeah. Nobody talks shit
about you except me.

Good looking out, E.

- Are we in this together?
- Of course we are.

You promise me you're not
gonna fuck up this movie?

E, I wouldn't fuck up
my career over a girl.

Any girl. Never.

You believe me, right?

Yeah.

- But...
- But what?

- You still seem a little freaked out.
- No, I'm good.

E?

- I shouldn't tell you this.
- No, come on, E,

we don't hold shit back
from each other, remember?

- Ari made me promise.
- So you crossed your fingers, right?

- Yeah, of course.
- So what is it?

- Cameron called this morning.
- And?

He said you can
be replaced.

This is crazy
coming down here not strapped.

You don't even
own a gun, Drama.

I don't need a gun,
Turtle.

All I needed
was my nunchucks,

but you wouldn't
stop by the house.

Why? So you're gonna walk
down Slauson Boulevard

with nunchucks stickin'
out of your back pocket?

No, I would have concealed them
in my Frye boots.

Your pants are so taped
you'd never be able to get 'em out.

- Look how tight these things are.
- Get off 'em.

- Yo, this is it.
- 345.

Just so you know,

if anything goes down,
it's every man for himself.

What are you two selling?

We're... uh, we're
looking for Saigon?

You wouldn't happen to be
"Miss Saigon" would you?

Oh, good. Like I've never
heard that shit before.

What you looking
for my son for?

We want to
make him rich.

What are you,
drug dealers?

Oh, no no,
we're music guys.

Actually I'm
an actor, ma'am.

You might have seen me
on "227" back in 1994.

It is 3:30 on a Wednesday.
What would my boy be doing home?

Would you mind telling us
where we could find him?

At work.
5577 Rodeo Drive.

Don't you mean
Ro-day-o?

South of Jefferson
it's called Roh-deo.

Stop being so white, Drama.

I just can't believe he'd fire me
because I missed a physical.

Well, it's not just
the physical, Vince.

He knows about
you and Mandy.

I talked to him about me
and Mandy. He gets it.

Well, what do you
want me to tell you?

Tell me why anyone
would bother James Cameron

with the news that
I missed a physical.

Actors reschedule
physicals all the time.

- What can I say, Vince?
- There's nothing to say.

I just...
I don't believe it.

So, what?
You think Ari's lying?

- Hey Lloyd.
- Hey, boys.

Did James Cameron
call this morning?

Um, I was at the dentist
this morning.

- Annual cleaning.
- We'll ask Ari.

Um, he's in a staff meeting.

- We'll wait.
- Thanks, Lloyd.

What's up, player?

- What are you doing?
- Saying hello.

Don't be ignorant,
Turtle.

You can't just waltz
in here and say "hello."

You gotta show respect.
Walk the walk and talk the talk.

Where the fuck do you
think we are, Drama?

Trust me, Turtle, this ain't
your neighborhood body shop.

It's a whole 'nother scene.

Hello, gentlemen, I'm Robin.
How can I help you?

How you doin', girl?

We're looking for a silky-smooth
rhyming cat named Saigon.

Was that English?

- He's out back.
- Thank you.

Excuse me.
One of you guys Saigon?

That depends.

What you want?

Circular motions will
keep the rag marks off that beast.

We want to talk
to Saigon about this.

Where'd you get that?

Yo, don't sweat it, bro.
We ain't the po-pos.

Who the fuck are
you calling bro?

Take it easy, coz. I'm Saigon.
Where'd you get that from?

Found it in our Maserati.

Yeah, the one that was stolen
out in front of Nacional last night?

- Stolen?
- It was Vincent Chase's car.

Vinnie Chase the actor?

- Mm-hmm.
- Shit.

You said it was Steve Berman's
from Interscope, dumbass!

That's what
the motherfucker drives.

How should I know there's
two of the same damn car at one place?

Listen man, we might have dropped
my demo in your car,

but we ain't
take it for a ride.

Try selling that
to the judge.

What judge you talking about,
motherfucker?

Look, I want to use one of your tracks
in Vince's new movie.

Is there any brothers
in this movie?

Yeah, I think I saw
one in that bar scene.

Man, fuck that. Hold out
for John Singleton's next movie.

I got 10 Gs
for a track, fellas.

All right.
You give me that paper,

and you two got
yourself a client.

That is why
y'all here, right?

Y'all want to manage me.

Not me, I got my own
flourishing career to manage.

- Yeah? What you do?
- Tries to act like he isn't retarded.

I'm the manager. I'd be thrilled
if you let me represent you.

Yeah, and I'd be thrilled
if I get 10 Gs.

- I hear that.
- What's up?

Uh oh, you boys
look angry.

If there was plastic on the floor
I'd think I was about to be whacked.

Did James Cameron
call you today, Ari?

You promised me
you wouldn't tell.

He crossed his fingers.

You looked me in the face
and you promised.

Did he call?

You little untrustworthy
cocksucker!

Yes or no?
Did James Cameron call?

Yes, he did.

And I called E to motivate him
to motivate you.

That was my mistake,
trusting E, and for that I apologize.

- I can't believe it.
- Believe it!

James Cameron cares about
every detail of all of his movies.

- You should call him.
- No, you should not.

You should go back
to doing your job.

- I'm gonna call him.
- Put the phone down.

I'm going to assure him
that I won't ever be late again.

- Please, Vinnie, put the phone down.
- Why?

Because, like Mandy,

you have never missed
a meeting before.

That's why this is troubling.

- To Cameron?
- To me!

He didn't call?

- No, he did not call.
- Jesus Christ.

No, you're fucking pathological.

Listen, read Jack Welch,
Tony Robbins, Phil Jackson.

Motivation!
This shit works!

You want to be
Shaq or Kobe?

Michael or Scotty?
Damon or Affleck?

Do you want to be
out of our lives?

'Cause this could seriously
be the end of you.

I am your biggest fan.
I think you are this close

to being the biggest movie star
on the planet, but you are slipping.

Over a girl?

I've never seen you like this
before and it worries me.

- Worry about yourself. He's fine.
- No, E,

he's right
to worry about me.

You both are.
Fuck, I'm worried about me.

Look at me. I've been lying
to you guys like a fucking drug addict.

L... I didn't oversleep.

I didn't want to go.

I never want to leave her side,
not for five seconds.

I've never been like this
in my life, guys.

And the truth
of the matter is

I don't even give a fuck
about the movie anymore.

I could live with Mandy in a one-bedroom
in Chatsworth and I'd be happy.

It's nuts,
but it's the truth.

- Vinnie...
- No, Ari...

there's nothing more to say.
I'm sorry I lied.

Vince!

You think he bought it?

You motherfucker.

- Let him sleep on that.
- Keep walking.

Well, did it ever occur to you

that a 7:00 dinner
in Santa fucking Monica is too early?

I'm sorry, baby. I had a bad day.
I will be there.

I would not leave you
alone with my mother.

I know what could happen.
Love and kisses.

Ernesto,
where's my car?

It's on its way,
Mr. Gold.

Mr. McQuewick,
he called down also.

How are things, Ari?

Couldn't be better, Terence,
although it's 6:30.

You're usually out of here
by noon, so this is a little odd, no?

Why was Barbara Miller
at the offices today?

Vinnie came down with a little case
of puppy love, but it's under control.

Control's a funny thing,
isn't it, Ari?

You don't realize
how little of it you have

until you actually
have none of it at all.

Keep track
of your boy, Ari.

I'll be watching you.

Cheerio!

This looks phenomenal!

- Nice, Drama...
- Hey hey hey...

I figured the family needed
a little get-together.

With you gone the last few days,
it's been a little off around here.

We had dinner together
on Wednesday.

- We missed you, bro.
- Thanks, Johnny.

Bang!

Turtle, this isn't
dinner music.

Don't be a hater just 'cause you're
not the only manager in the house.

The guy's the next Russell Simmons.
Who would have thunk it?

- To Saigon.
- To "Aquaman."

- To the family being together again.
- Yes.

Cheers.

It's Ari.

Oh, this ought
to be good.

I better check up
on that roast.

Hey, Ari, what's up?

What's up is it's intervention time,
baby. This is the plan:

For $5,000 I can get
a cult deprogrammer

to come in
and brainwash Vinnie.

My sister Eileen went
to the Cornell Summer Program in '88,

came back
a fuckin' moonie.

Three sessions later
and bam...

she's a pilates instructor
in Tenafly.

He wants to have
an intervention.

- What should I say?
- I don't know. Improvise.

That sounds like
a great idea, Ari.

You should have
him meet us in Napa.

What's up in Napa? You guys
crushing grapes with Coppola?

See, after your conversation
with Vince, he had a major meltdown.

Feels he let you down, so he just
jumped in the car and drove up.

- You fucking kidding me?
- Vince driving, can you believe that?

That's how
fucked up he is.

I'm behind him on the road
about 30 miles right now.

He won't stop or answer
his cell phone.

Says he's gonna shack up at
Auberge du Soleil and never come back.

I could use
your help up there.

- That's like a seven-hour drive.
- No shit.

The traffic's not that bad,
but you know, whatever, Ari.

Keep your phone on.
I'm heading north.

- You think he bought it?
- Hook, line, and sinker.

Way to sell it!

Hey hey hey, you guys
ready for some roast?

Yes, that looks good, Drama.