Entourage (2004–2011): Season 2, Episode 11 - Blue Balls Lagoon - full transcript

Can't sleep?

No, can't sleep.

You miss her,
don't you?

More than words.

It says we're supposed to hug.
I ain't hugging you.

Don't be a wiseass, Turtle.

Just read the lines
like Brooke would.

- How am I supposed to do that?
- Focus.

Radiate, emote.

You know, Brooke Shields
was the first girl

I ever seriously
jerked off to.



That's romantic, Drama.
You should tell her.

Yeah, Lady Fate knew
what she was doing

when she delivered her
to my doorstep.

You're a couple of scenes
on a M.O.W.

It ain't fate and you ain't banging
Brooke Shields.

The on-set romance is
a time-honored Hollywood tradition.

- Wake up!
- Ain't she married?

Yeah, to a writer.

I mean, come on.
Me or a writer?

All right, guys, Let's roll!

We don't want to be late
showing up at Terrance's.

Oh, check it out.
E's got the shiny hair again.

- Hopin' Sloan will be there?
- Sloan doesn't live with her father,

- but I am having dinner with her.
- Nice.



- Don't mention that to Terrance.
- Why, is it a secret?

We're meeting with the head
of your agency for your business,

- not my personal life. Let's go.
- All right.

What time did you roll in
last night, Vince?

- Yeah, late night, huh?
- What, did I break curfew?

Look, if you guys have a question,
why don't you just ask it?

Okay, what the fuck's going
on with you and Mandy?

- Yeah, what's up, Vince?
- I didn't know you guys cared.

- Come on!
- All right.

Mandy broke up with Chris,
now we're together.

And I'm happy,
so don't give me any shit.

Tomorrow's her birthday,
I gotta do something special.

It's been 24 hours.
I think flowers will do.

You should have started
dating her next week, bro.

You could've saved
yourself some coin.

I remember I broke up
with Stacy Laruzso

a week before Valentine's Day.

I got back with her
a week after.

No chocolates, no roses.

No class.

Pull!

Good shot.

I can already see E hanging
in the den next to the elk.

Attention to details, Vince,

that's the sure-fire way
into any woman's heart.

You know, when I was courting
Ann-Margaret

I used fly in truffles
from her favorite bistro in Avignon.

Fly in some steaks from Peter Luger's,
Vince. If nothing else,

- I'll love you forever.
- Well, actually, Turtle,

I was going to suggest
a private little dinner party

at my restaurant.
My treat, of course.

That's sounds great.
Is it cool if I invite the guys?

I'd love Mandy
to meet the family,

- maybe take her to Napa for a weekend.
- Absolutely.

What? You don't like Napa
or you don't want to get to know Mandy?

Hey, maybe I'll bring Brooke.

Get to know her so that we feel
comfortable for our love scene.

The more the merrier, Johnny.

Now, are you guys just gonna stand here
or are you gonna shoot?

First up,
the North Hollywood

Paintball Tournament
M.V.P. Three years running!

Whose whole family's
of Sicilian ancestry?

Your grandmother ran numbers
out of a deli, Turtle.

You're far from a made man.

- Yeah, we'll see.
- Pull!

- Yeah!
- I got that!

- That was mine!
- I totally got that!

- That was clearly my shot.
- You saw that?

You know, you're a natural
with a gun, Vince.

You should be working
with Tarantino.

I'd love to. I've been wanting to meet
him since I moved out here.

Really?

- How about next week?
- Seriously?

Most assuredly.
Quentin's an old mate of mine.

Who do you think pulled him out
of that bloody video store?

Yeah, Vince, let's do
a Tarantino movie.

He could revive me
like he did for Travolta.

Be more like reviving
Freddie Boom Boom Washington.

Listen, Vincent, I've got over 30 years
experience in this business,

and the Rolodex
that goes with it.

All of which are now
at your disposal.

There are no boundaries,
just possibilities.

Excuse me.

- What's up, Shauna?
- What are you so chipper about?

I just had a great day
shooting with Terrance.

- Don't put your guns away just yet.
- Why, what's the problem?

"Page Six" just outed
Vince and Mandy. Bang-bang.

"What soon-to-be super actor
gets along so swimmingly

with his engaged co-star that friends
say her pending nuptials are drowning?"

- How can you let this happen?
- Me?

- Yeah.
- He's the one doing the swimming.

It's your job to make sure what he does
stays out of the papers.

- I thought that was her job.
- It's your job to let me know

what needs to be kept out,
then I'll keep it out of the papers!

A little less time
on the firing range,

a little more time
as a manager, perhaps.

What did you and Terrance
talk about anyway?

He offered me your job. I turned him
down 'cause your office is too small.

Guys, what am I doing here?
I feel like I have a coke problem.

What's the real issue, Ari?

The real issue is that
Dana Gordon called

and Warner Brothers
is very concerned.

You're kidding, right?

You're their million dollar baby!
They don't want you pulling

- an Angelina Jolie!
- Or a Russell Crowe.

He broke up Dennis Quaid
and Meg Ryan on "Proof of Life."

Movie cost 80 mil,
did less business than "Gigli."

Guys, relax.

Mandy's not even engaged
anymore. They broke up.

And you're gonna come off
as the reason for that.

The last thing we need is soccer moms
in the fly-over states

thinking that Aquaman
is a home wrecker.

I had a good time last time.
I'd love to have dinner with him.

I just don't want to get stuck
with the bill again.

- Is that the husband?
- Huh?

Brooke's husband,
is that him over there?

Oh, I don't know.

Not good looking.

I'm not saying
don't date her.

I'm just saying
be discreet.

No hand-holding
at The Grove.

- No canoodling on Melrose.
- Canoodling?

No fingerbanging
her courtside at the Lakers game.

- What?
- Fuck you guys!

I'm making a point here... No cameras.
A "Page Six" rumor is one thing.

Cover of "Us Weekly"
quite another.

- We get it. Jesus!
- Do you get it, E?

When he goes out, I want you
and the retards to be with him.

If anyone tries to take a picture you,
go fucking Sean Penn on them.

Hey, when did you get
this Robert Neitsch?

Good eye.
I just hung her.

- And it's Nitch, by the way.
- Really?

I paid for it with Eva Longoria's
commission. That's how I roll.

- Nitch is Mandy's favorite artist.
- I thought Beyonce was.

Don't be mean to Mandy just because
you're mad at me.

Ari, will you let me
buy this painting for Mandy's birthday?

- Are you nuts?
- Maybe.

- What do you say?
- Are you serious?

- Yeah, how much?
- It's $100,000...

- E, talk to your boy, please.
- For you?

Why? Terrance would
sell it to him.

Shit, he'd probably give it to him.
That's how I roll.

Lloyd, you were
an Art History major

- at Sarah Lawrence College, right?
- Yes, I was.

Then you know how to pull
this down off the wall.

Grab it and put it down in Vinnie's car.
Chop-chop!

- You feeling the love?
- How much? $100,000?

For you? Mmm, free. Think of it
as a start gift for "Aquaman."

You gave me a juice maker for "Queens
Boulevard." We must be moving up.

Like the goddamn Jeffersons.
Come here.

Tell Terrance to top that,
little man.

So Brooke looked
at you, huh, Drama?

You know what?
To hell with you guys.

I know when I'm vibing.
Me and Brooke, we're vibing.

- Hello, Kathy.
- Hey, Vince.

- Just four.
- Uh, no, there's gonna be five.

- There is?
- Yeah, Mandy's joining us.

We're supposed to lay low.
What if somebody takes a picture?

E, relax.
This is Jerry's, not The Ivy.

Do you see any paparazzi?

You never know where
these scumbags are hiding.

These guys are right. Why do you think
I always sit next to you in restaurants?

- Just in case.
- All right, take it easy.

- I want to enjoy my tuna melt.
- We're worried about you.

Yeah, Vince. We don't wanna see
this girl crush you again.

All right, guys, stop it.
Here she is.

Now, be nice.

- Especially you, E.
- I'm always nice.

- Hi. Hi.
- Hi.

No kiss, no kiss.
I just got an earful from my publicist.

- You, too, huh?
- Good.

- Let's keep you guys separated.
- Ah, you must be E.

I've heard so much about you.
It's nice to finally meet you.

You too.

You look cute.

Really?
I just got out of the gym.

Still cute.

So... how are you guys?

It's been a while.

Everything good, Johnny?

I'm doing an M.O.W.
With Brooke Shields.

Couldn't be better.

Great! What about you, Turtle?

Oh, just working hard,
you know?

Well, how nice is this?
All us together.

Wow, he's good.

All right, she's great.
What do you want me to say?

That's all I want
you to say.

She thinks
you're great, too.

You left her two seconds ago,
you're texting her already?

Nuts, huh?

- Have you ever seen me like this?
- No.

Oh, I'm in deep.

- After one day?
- No, not one day!

We look at it like we've been
dating for five years

with a four-and-half-year break.

What? Like of all people
you don't know that feeling?

No, I know it.
I know it. I still think

- you should cancel the dinner.
- Why?

Because Jerry's Deli is one thing,
all right? The Geisha House

is completely different.
There's gonna be paparazzi there.

I've never let the press control
my life, I'm not gonna start now.

This whole movie
could fall apart. You heard Ari.

What's the real problem here?

Come on, E,
don't hold back!

I think it's a little
much after one day!

This girl dumped you!
She turned down your marriage proposal.

You don't really know
the story.

I know she dumped her fiance three weeks
before the wedding.

Look, she just doesn't
sound stable.

I don't know
about you either lately.

You've known me
almost 25 years.

If you can't get this then maybe
you shouldn't come to the party.

- Maybe I shouldn't.
- No, I don't think you should.

- Fine.
- Okay, everybody. Thanks for coming.

Sorry, we haven't gotten
the scripts to you earlier,

but we were working into
the wee hours making it sing.

- Look at that hair.
- I'm out.

Also, unfortunately,
Joe Mantegna has dropped out.

We're gonna be great.
We're gonna be great.

We're gonna get started
in just a second.

Hey, pal.

- The A.D. S want a word with you.
- About what?

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Johnny.
- Brooke.

I know who you are.

I'm playing Little Rick. We've got
a couple of nice scenes together.

- Yeah, it should be fun.
- Yeah.

- You know what time it is?
- Oh, sorry, no watch.

Yeah, I noticed you
don't wear any jewelry.

No, I never really have.

Yeah, me neither.
No watch, no bracelet, no ring.

Oh.

I just wanted to run something by you
before I pitch it to the director.

Sure. What is it?

- In the comforting scene...
- Yeah.

I thought that maybe
a little kiss might add some pathos.

- A kiss?
- Yeah, nothing crazy.

More in love than lust.

You're playing my brother.

Really? I didn't even
get a full script.

Your brother.
That would be weird.

Yeah.

So, what do you say
we save the kiss?

Okay.

- Okay.
- Rain check it is.

So, your dad is pretty
good with a gun.

- You should see him with a crossbow.
- You serious?

Oh, yeah. He's great
with all weapons.

And he's even better
with his bare knuckles.

Really? Was he on the boxing
team at Oxford or something?

Oxford? No.

You have the wrong idea
about my father.

- He didn't even finish high school.
- Really?

I can't believe that.
He seems so polished.

You don't have
to be afraid of him.

Oh, I know. Why would I be afraid
of a bare-knuckle brawler

who's proficient
in all weapons?

- He likes you.
- Really?

He barely acknowledged me
at skeet shooting.

That's 'cause he knows
that I like you.

- Did he say anything about the party?
- Nope.

Should I say something
to him?

Nope.

All right. He said
you disinvited him.

I didn't disinvite him.

Well, that's what he said.

He called me unstable.

You have been acting
a little unstably, Vin.

You want me
to reinvite him to the party?

Yeah.
No, only if he asks.

Real mature.

Yo. "Blue Lagoon,"
"Endless Love,"

"Muppets Take Manhattan."

- It's gonna be Brooke marathon.
- Great!

All I can tell you is that in the year
I was out of town

Vince slept with almost
all of my friends.

And he never told any of them
he was in love, so maybe he is.

Yeah, well I don't know
why he's lying to me for.

Guys lie to their friends
and tell them that they're not in love.

They don't usually lie
and tell them they are.

That lie they save
for the girls.

He's certainly acting
crazy enough.

Did I tell you he got her a Robert Nitch
painting for her birthday?

- A Robert Neitsch?
- Is it Neitsch?

- Ari said Nitch.
- It's Neitsch.

And, wow!
He bought her a Robert Neitsch?

That's really expensive.

Actually, Ari pulled it off the wall
and gave it to him, but still...

- Oh my God.
- What's so funny?

- It's a fake.
- What do you mean?

I mean, Ari's notorious
for hanging forgeries

in his office
to impress his clients.

- Oh, please tell me you're kidding.
- No.

And I don't know
if it's true,

but my father told me
he changed the numbers

on his wife's Mercedes

so she thinks she's driving around
in a 600, and really it's a five.

- Oh, that's crazy.
- Yeah.

What's crazy is to fight
with your best friend over a girl,

especially a girl you're not
even interested in.

You should go
to the party.

You should go with me.

I would love to.

Looking for an exchange?

Something like that.

I smell trouble.

The unannounced drop-by, huh?

You making a habit
of this, E?

You're not gonna believe this.

Vince got offered $300,000
for this painting.

He wants to sell it.

It was a gift.
Come on, that would be rude.

Yeah, but he's gonna split
the profits with you.

I'm not in the art game
for the profits.

I'm in it for the love
of the work.

I know it's a fake, Ari.

- Cut the bullshit.
- It's a fake?

So, I'm giving out
fake paintings?

Do you want to see
the certificate of authenticity?

Yeah, I do.

Define the term
fake, Eric.

Because three years ago
Vincent Chase sat in this office,

shook my hand and told
me I was his agent. Was that a fake?

- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about

the Quentin-motherfucking-
Tarantino meeting

that was set up outside
of this office.

Terrance works inside this office.
He's your boss.

If you guys have a problem,
then you figure it out.

But Vince isn't gonna pass on a Quentin
Tarantino meeting that you couldn't get.

It's a jerkoff general!

My six-year-old could get
that meeting!

Your six-year-old could have
painted this shit, too!

Tarantino is
probably holed up

in a Vegas penthouse
with half a dozen Thai hookers

writing his next script
which no one has seen!

For all we know,
he's probably writing about Wu Tzu Chi

the lesbian empress
of the Ming dynasty!

You want Vince to play
a dictator dyke?

If it's a good role.

Come on, man!

I'm not gonna argue
with you, Ari.

I'm on my way
to an art appraiser.

Care to stop me?

Does Vince know
about this?

No.

But I might tell your wife
she's driving around in a 500.

You better fucking
fix this, Ari.

Before the party.

Hey, buddy, don't mind me.
Just be a minute.

Um, what are you doing?

Hanging some sheetrock.
What does it look like I'm doing?

That's my anniversary present.

No, honey.

This is.

And, action!

Couldn't sleep?

You miss her,
don't you?

Yeah, more than words.

She's in a better place.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

He's hard.

- What?
- He is hard.

- Cut! Cut!
- Cutting!

- Why does he have my painting?
- I don't know.

- Well, what did he say?
- He said he'll be here.

- When?
- I don't know, Vince.

This is a '59 Latour

from my private collection.

That ought
to do the trick.

Look, John,
even Hillary Swank

got fired from
"Beverly Hills 90210."

Paul Giamatti was let
go on "Frasier."

I was actually fired
from a TV show

- that will remain nameless.
- "Roswell"?

I never had a job, sorry.

The point is that everyone
gets fired sometimes.

It's what you do afterwards
that counts.

Yeah, but to fire me just because
I wasn't attracted to her.

That's callous.

- Hit me again.
- Bring the Kendall Jackson.

Cork the '59.

Well, Vince,
enjoy the rest of the evening.

I have to get home
to my 18-month-old son Beckett.

He has a happy knack
of waking me at 4:30 in the morning.

- Happy birthday, darling.
- Thank you.

- Thank you, Terrance.
- Hey, cheer up.

- Thank you, Terrance.
- Good night.

Guess it just wasn't
meant to be, Drama.

- Sorry, Johnny.
- Vin.

Well, look what
we have here.

We were about to start
hanging signs on trees.

"Miniature Irish Setter.
Answers to the name of E."

I'm sorry, guys.
It's totally my fault.

I was having a major
fashion disaster.

- Happy birthday, sweetie!
- Thank you.

- You two know each other?
- Yeah, from Barry's Bootcamp.

Uh, let's get a drink.

Yeah, let's do that.

I thought you sold it
and moved to Mexico.

I just had it detailed.

So, are you gonna stay
for dinner?

Yeah, I'm staying
for dinner.

Open mine next.
Open mine next.

I feel so bad. You guys did not have
to get me gifts.

Oh, we wanted to.
Maybe you'll wanna get us gifts

when our birthdays roll around,
say August 6th?

"Viking Quest:
The Complete Series."

That's from both of us.

Thank you. Cool!

- I'll sign that for you if you want.
- Me too.

All right, my turn.

I've been wondering
what that was all night.

Hopefully this will make up for the last
birthday we spent together.

Unless you ran her dog over,
I'm guessing it might.

Oh my God.

That's real too.

Vince, you are crazy.

I can't believe
that you did this.

The second I saw it
I knew you had to have it.

How did you remember
that I love Neitsch?

I remember everything about you.
And it's Nitch.

No, it's not.

It's Neitsch.

You guys, l...

I just... I really
want to thank you

so much for being
a part of tonight.

I really forgot what
a family you guys are.

I'm just very happy.

- To family!
- To Mandy!

To Mandy and Vince!

- Cheers!
- Cheers!