Enlisted (2014): Season 1, Episode 8 - Vets - full transcript
On "soldier appreciation day", Cody asks the Hill brothers to look after three Korean War veterans. The vets are in town for the funeral of Sergeant John Sullivan. They help the vets retrieve Sully's Unit Coin which was stolen from The Claymore by the marines 60 years ago.
Oh, this should end well.
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
Dude, I am so pumped we got tomorrow
off for soldier appreciation day.
Oh, I'm sorry. Are we embarrassing
you in front of your girlfriend?
No.
Yes.
And she's not my girlfriend all right?
She just gave me her number.
Would you go talk to her?
I don't get it, man.
I thought that Erin liked you.
Yeah, but that's the whole point.
If I go over there, I can only ruin it.
See? This is what
you do all the time.
Anything that involves risk,
you just talk yourself out of.
Oh, snap! You just got hit
by Pete's truth beam, son!
I take plenty of risks, okay?
No, you don't.
- No, you don't.
Avoiding risk is how you ended up
in the army in the first place.
You were too afraid to commit
to anything that you actually liked,
so you just joined
the family business.
Ah! The light from Pete's
truth beam is so very bright!
You know what? I'm gonna
go over and talk to her,
but when I get back, both of you better
be dead from alcohol poisoning, okay?
You go get 'em, handsome.
Roger that, baby.
Hi.
Remember when you gave me
your number then thought,
"oh, big mistake,
I hope he loses that"?
Well, guess what? I didn't.
You want to get dinner
tomorrow night?
Um, my schedule's
kind of tricky.
Can I get back to you?
Cool beans.
Why am I saying "cool beans"?
Why am I talking
about my talking?
Is any of this charming?
No.
Derrick, check out me
and my beer antlers!
I don't know these people.
The army is filled with
troops on heroic missions,
and then there's us.
We take care of things at home.
We are the Rear Detachment.
Yes, we're soldiers.
Enlisted - S01E08
Vets
So, you see the game
last night?
What game?
- Moving on from small talk.
Look, I, uh, I know you've been
working through some things
since you got back
from deployment.
Oh, boy, can we please
not have a heavy talk
on soldier appreciation day?
I'm wearing board shorts.
I told you to go talk to someone.
They said you never showed up.
That stuff is great
for people who need it,
but I'm doing fine.
You don't want
to talk to a counselor?
You can talk to me.
Hi, I'm a nice guy!
Got any feelings?
* Tell me what's going on *
* in that big head of yours... *
Oh, God.
Your nice guy is terrifying.
Stop. Well, maybe you'd
like to talk to foot-y,
the fake foot puppet.
Please don't.
"Don't be a heel,
tell me how you feel."
I'm gonna have to talk
to a counselor about this.
Look, the hour is yours,
Sergeant Hill.
Just get your butt there.
Fine, but I don't need it.
Whatever I brought back,
I can live with, all right?
Now can I please be dismissed
so I finally enjoy my day off?
Oh, about that.
No.
Unbelievable.
We have to take
these guys on a tour?
You're their hospitality detail.
These are Korean war veterans.
They were stationed on
this post 60 years ago.
They're here for a
platoon-mate's funeral.
Ready to hit the beach,
Sergeant Major?
Private Gumble,
you know I have shotgun.
Yeah, just keeping it warm
for you, Sergeant Major.
Why do they get
to go to the beach?
It's soldier appreciation day, duh.
Look, you take care
of these men.
If they want dinner at 4:30,
you eat at 4:30.
If they want to go to the bathroom,
you make sure it happens
in the bathroom.
Permission to think
a disrespectful word?
You have three seconds.
After that,
you gotta shake it off.
Thank you, Sergeant Major.
Full disclosure,
the word was "balls."
These fellas will probably
hit the rack early.
If they do, you get to come
to the bonfire.
Don't worry, guys.
We won't have that much fun.
Oh, this my jam!
Shut the door!
Hey, where's the latrine?
I gotta drain
my crank.
At what age do you just
start just wandering?
All right, we'll give 'em a
quick tour, early bird dinner,
they're in bed before
"Final Jeopardy."
Hey, buddy, hold up.
I'll take Cane.
All right, I got Hat.
Where do they keep
the keys for these things?
Humvees don't use keys.
They have a switch.
In Korea, we drove jeeps.
Because in Korea,
we didn't need cushy seats.
You know what
I sat on in Korea?
A big spring.
I'm sorry. Did you say
were you in Korea?
I didn't catch that.
In Korea, we punched guys
like you in the mouth.
Okay.
Okay.
Morning, sir.
Oh, hey.
I see you got
the tires over here now.
You know, 60 years ago,
we had 'em, uh, over there.
When'd you make the move?
I don't know.
I want to take a picture of you
and these capricious tires.
What do you say
when you want to smile?
What?
Don't move!
Yeah!
So these are called
elephant doors.
Which actually brings me
to another question...
In your day, did elephants
come through here?
Yeah, I was in the
101st pachyderm division.
Right!
- Yeah.
So, no, right?
So how do you open this?
Really amazing.
Just just slide
your army card.
Isn't that amazing?
What else is amazing?
Like a cat crawling
into grocery bag, huh?
Yeah.
That'd be amazing, huh?
Tell me you sniff glue so I
can understand your idiocy.
Dan, sir, you seem
kind of grumpy,
so can I ask you a question?
I mean no disrespect.
Mm.
Do you have to poop?
Of course I have to poop.
Uh, Sergeant Hill,
would you take a picture
of us in the Humvee?
And make sure
you're far enough back
to get those mysterious
moving tires in the shot.
Okay.
Wow.
This guy is 80 going on eight.
You want to trade? I've got an elderly
narcissist with anger issues.
Yeah, mine's a little prickly,
but if I'm honest with myself,
his criticisms are fair.
Knock if off. I'm gonna take the picture.
- You have to wind the film, you idiot.
Why are you doing that?
Let's do this!
Look out!
Yeah!
God, they are gonna get
in so much trouble!
Wait.
No! No!
You let a bunch of old vets steal
a Humvee out from under your nose?!
He showed 'em how it works.
- He was distracted by the camera.
I was honestly impressed.
It was very badass.
I was on the beach enjoying
a party box of chablis.
Poor Sergeant Perez had
to drive me home.
Doesn't soldier appreciation
day mean anything to you guys?
Oh, my God. Thank you for
your service, Sergeant Perez.
It's my day off and I was
really having a good time.
I mean, I wish it wasn't such
a sausage fest, but...
Oh, I disagree.
The food was amazing!
No-no, Sergeant Major,
that's... no.
I was just about to wrap
my lips around
a juicy, hot piece of meat
when you idiots called!
Sergeant Major,
excuse me.
We need to have an
immediate conversation
about what a
sausage fest is.
Yeah.
I know what a
sausage fest is.
That's when you line up
the best wieners
from all around the world
and you go to town!
No.
That is absolutely incorrect.
It can mean that.
Well, at least I didn't let
a bunch of old men trick me
into giving them a hummer.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Oh, man, check out this video
Gumble just posted.
They finally did it...
Infinity beer.
We're missing the best day ever!
Would you put that away
and keep an eye out?
These guys could
be anywhere.
Should we check in there?
Hey.
Oh, boy. Look, I'll be over
in a sec, all right?
Don't touch me.
All right, fellas, let's go.
Who's this beer for?
Ow!
Really?
His hands are mostly bone.
Sit your asses down!
We're not going anywhere.
Do it, Pete. Don't make
him skeleton spank you.
Yeah, so remember how I said
my schedule was, um, tricky?
I assumed there were
several men in your life, so...
Just one, actually.
He's six.
Feet tall?
He's my son.
So I've got a kid!
A six-year-old son.
- Right!
Just a little boy, he's six.
It's a six-year-old is what it is.
Yeah, he, not "it."
Yeah. You know what?
If you want to take off,
I totally get it.
With most men, there's a cloud
of dust at this point.
No. Uh, listen...
My best friend was
a six-year-old...
When I was six.
- Mm-hmm.
He was also black,
which is not important.
But it might say something
about me.
Might not.
Okay, as much as I want to hear about
your progressive boyhood friendships,
I should get back to work.
Right.
I know I kind of dropped
a bomb on you,
so just... think about it.
Oh.
But text me later if we're on for
tomorrow night so I can book the sitter.
Um...
Or not, you know.
No, no. Okay, okay.
Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Okay.
Okay. Okay!
Okay, I don't know where this ends,
so I'm just gonna take off.
Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
Erin has a kid.
Well, Sully's dead!
What?
Sergeant John Sullivan...
The man whose funeral
they came for.
They're not just here for the
funeral or to have a ghost beer.
May your soul rest, sire.
I want to get back to Erin's
situation at some point,
but for now, we're gonna
leave it to Patrick.
You have the floor, sir.
Continue.
Is he always like this?
- Tip of the iceberg.
60 years ago, something
happened in this bar,
something very wrong.
And it's time to make it right.
Let's ride!
Where, Randy?
Where we gonna ride to?
Specifics, please.
- There you go.
You see these unit coins
on the wall?
That gap where one's missing?
Sully earned his coin
for bravery
holding the
perimeter at pusan.
He carried that coin
with him for two tours.
But one night, he got
a little too friendly
with the wrong marine's
girlfriend.
The guy got P.O.'D,
but he didn't have the
guts to tango with Sully,
so he ripped his unit coin
off the wall,
put it between his butt cheeks,
and took it to the marine bar
down the coast.
That's where it's hung
for the last 60 years.
I'm sorry...
Did you say he put it
in between his butt cheeks?
Did they not have
pockets back then?
It's not an important detail.
No?
- You did mention it.
Was it a place
of honor?
He defiled it.
We have to get it back.
Do we, though?
- How about a brand new coin?
Has it been washed?
It was Sully's dying wish
to get that coin back!
We didn't think
you'd understand.
You see this?
This belonged to our dad.
He made me promise
to give it back to him
when he came home from the Gulf.
I've been carrying it
around ever since.
We were supposed
to take turns carrying it.
Never had a turn.
The point is,
we do understand.
And we're gonna help you
get that coin back.
All right, we got ourselves...
- Lock and load, baby.
Let's do this!
- Easy with the gung ho crap, guys.
What's with this gung ho?
Come on.
Gung ho!
Gung ho! Hooah!
You know what?
Why don't we switch seats?
Yeah.
Do you mind if we switch?
Here, okay...
Okay.
Yeah.
That's better.
Oh, this makes a lot more sense.
Yeah.
Let's ride!
* Then it's... Hi! Hi! Hey! *
* The army's on its way *
* Count off the cadence
loud and strong... *
* Two! Three! *
This reminds me of Afghanistan.
We had this one Sergeant who
only knew one song on the guitar.
One night it
mysteriously blew up
in a training exercise
I may have led.
Hmm.
We had a harmonica guy in Korea.
All day, every day,
with that thing.
I made him eat it.
You ever hear a man pass
a harmonica into a camp toilet?
That's the sound of the blues.
Let me ask you something.
When you first got home,
were people pushing you to talk
about your feelings and stuff?
My wife talks about her feelings
enough for the both of us.
I'm more of the strong,
silent type.
Yeah.
Yeah, me, too.
Ah...
Sure feels good to sit.
Feels good to lie down, too.
I'm looking forward to death.
I like you.
You're going with a gal
that's got a kid.
Is that the story?
I'm actually still trying
to figure it out.
Let me handle it
with one word... Run!
I'm not gonna run...
Maybe I should run.
I'm gonna run.
It's tough enough to get
one person to like you, but two?
And with your personality?
Forget it.
- Right?
It's like, why take the risk?
I can help you
with a lot of stuff, kid.
Here's a freebie...
Never climb over a lit candle
when you're getting out of the tub.
Thank you.
I feel like I'm looking
in a future mirror.
I am a soldier, I'm a husband,
I'm a brother, I'm a father,
I'm a grandfather
and...
A shark aficionado.
It's perfect.
Except you wear hats.
I'm not really a hat guy.
What if that means
you're not future me?
Then who am I?
Just a guy that hates hats?
I don't want to be
defined by hate.
And especially hat hate!
That's the worst kind of hate!
You're spiraling, son.
I do that, too.
Name your favorite shark
on the count of three.
Great white!
You never counted.
All right, we're almost there.
Intel says that
every other Saturday
the marines do field maneuvers,
so there won't be any
stinking jarheads in the joint.
I like it.
I just wish Sully were here.
Oo-rah!
Why, did Sully like
getting his ass kicked?
Marines...
Even without their uniforms
they look cool.
Damn...
- Damn...
Russel, you said these guys
were off on a training exercise.
Oh, that was last Saturday.
Sorry, guys.
Swiss cheese.
We need a new plan.
Well, let's just go to the beach
and hang out with the other idiots.
Yeah! He's a freak!
- He's an artist.
And I'm America's
favorite wiener boy!
If we leave now,
we can be there in time
to watch him puke.
I am not giving up.
- Me, either.
I got it.
We'll get jobs at the
hair salon next door.
Okay?
We'll work there
for a long, long time.
They'll call me Pepe,
I'll be the best barber
and trade haircuts
for secrets.
And I will get information
and infiltrate their system.
This kid makes
a lot of sense.
You two, just... take five.
I love this man.
Except for that hat.
What?
Why do you have to wear a hat?
Everything's so perfect
except for your hat.
Hey, hey, hey...
- No!
No, look at me.
See, now, you may not
be a hat guy now,
but if one day
you need to wear one,
I hope you'll be open to it.
Ooh...
Sorry, I just wanted to
see if you were real.
Yeah, I think we're
gonna go anywhere else.
Sorry, sorry.
- That's all right.
That's all right.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry...
"Haven't heard from you,
so I guess we're not
on for tonight.
It's okay. I get it."
That's what you wanted.
She just did the
hard work for you.
Yeah, I guess.
You play your cards right,
you'll be like me and
you'll never get tied down.
So you don't have
anyone back home?
I got plenty of action right now.
I've got a little thing going
with a waitress at my diner.
I sit at her station and she
brings me coffee and pie.
So, she's...
Just your waitress.
No, well, she pays me
special attention.
Like, one time, she
put down my pie
and her left one
bumped my shoulder.
Then why don't you just
ask her out, you know?
I mean, you never know, maybe
her right one'll bump you, too.
Yeah, but then it could
all go sideways
and I end up with
a banged-up heart
and nowhere to eat pie.
Yeah, but then you're just living
life trying not to get hurt.
What, do you like to get hurt?
No, but...
Well, then, why risk it?
We're the smart ones.
Not like those gonzos back there.
They don't know when to quit.
You should always be
able to ask yourself,
is it worth getting
my ass kicked for this?
Hey, well...
Hey...
Where you going?
Hey!
Wait, what are
you doing?
Taking a risk.
* Then it's... Hi! Hi! Hey! *
* The army's on its way... *
Any of you stupid jarheads know where
an army guy can get a beer around here?
You know what
marine stands for?
"Muscles Are Required,
Intelligence Not Essential."
I love that one.
You're stupid, is what it means.
Sassmouth is making
himself a decoy.
He's finally using his
dick skills for good.
We got his back.
You guys infiltrate
and get the coin.
This is a marine truck.
Private Hill...
Are you ready to be a hat guy?
Yes, sir.
Marines?
More like mar-ron'ts
yeah, that was kind of a weak one,
but I'm terrified right now.
You know what's even more
pathetic is the fact that
I'm, like, half the size
of one of y'all's biceps...
Excuse me, kind sir.
Can I have a marine beer,
as I am clearly a marine?
Just like my grandmother
used to say...
Any time you see a marine,
you beat the... beep...
out of them.
She didn't cuss, 'cause
she was a Christian woman.
But you know what she meant.
Hey.
So, uh, which one of you clowns
is gonna take the first punch?
Okay, so, me then?
Get away from my brother!
Eat it, jarhead!
His old man hands are all bone!
Tryin' to steal the coin, oorah?
No.
Yeah, that's what you get
for messing with a hat man, son!
Ice it! Ice it!
Aah!
I got the coin!
Yeah!
Come on!
Go! Go!
Get in the Humvee! Go!
Ha! Hooah! Hooah!
Best soldier appreciation day ever!
Ever! Sure is!
That was a bonehead move.
But I'm proud of you.
I-I-I don't really
know what I did.
There's a big chunk
of time missing.
Your cries for mercy
got me thinking.
Life is short.
And maybe I should ask Janet for
something more than just a piece of pie.
Huh.
Yeah.
She's got a kid, too, though.
That makes me a little nervous.
He's 58.
Good for you.
Thanks, fella.
What are you giving
this to me for?
I want you to put that
in Sully's casket.
Don't you want
to do it?
I'm not going to the funeral.
What?!
After all this?
I-I thought Sully
was like a brother to you.
I came down here
to complete the mission
for him, but funerals...
You see things in war...
And funerals just dredge up
all those memories.
Some things you just
learn to live with.
We are gathered here to celebrate
the life of Sergeant John Sullivan.
He defended this country
and deserves to be honored
the way he honored our country.
Let us pause a moment
to reflect upon a friend
who is no longer with us.
Watson, it's cold.
I'm Russian,
I like long stories.
Sorry, forgot to pay.
Swiss cheese.
You should see the other guys.
Hi.
I'm Derrick.
It's a lot better.
I mean, best of all, every time
I go eat with my wife,
we get great parking.
Hard to fall asleep at night.
You know? It's just
not the same anymore.
Well, have you tried
the stuff we talked about?
So... I have some stuff
I don't just want to live with.
Sync and corrections by brayanatsix
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
Dude, I am so pumped we got tomorrow
off for soldier appreciation day.
Oh, I'm sorry. Are we embarrassing
you in front of your girlfriend?
No.
Yes.
And she's not my girlfriend all right?
She just gave me her number.
Would you go talk to her?
I don't get it, man.
I thought that Erin liked you.
Yeah, but that's the whole point.
If I go over there, I can only ruin it.
See? This is what
you do all the time.
Anything that involves risk,
you just talk yourself out of.
Oh, snap! You just got hit
by Pete's truth beam, son!
I take plenty of risks, okay?
No, you don't.
- No, you don't.
Avoiding risk is how you ended up
in the army in the first place.
You were too afraid to commit
to anything that you actually liked,
so you just joined
the family business.
Ah! The light from Pete's
truth beam is so very bright!
You know what? I'm gonna
go over and talk to her,
but when I get back, both of you better
be dead from alcohol poisoning, okay?
You go get 'em, handsome.
Roger that, baby.
Hi.
Remember when you gave me
your number then thought,
"oh, big mistake,
I hope he loses that"?
Well, guess what? I didn't.
You want to get dinner
tomorrow night?
Um, my schedule's
kind of tricky.
Can I get back to you?
Cool beans.
Why am I saying "cool beans"?
Why am I talking
about my talking?
Is any of this charming?
No.
Derrick, check out me
and my beer antlers!
I don't know these people.
The army is filled with
troops on heroic missions,
and then there's us.
We take care of things at home.
We are the Rear Detachment.
Yes, we're soldiers.
Enlisted - S01E08
Vets
So, you see the game
last night?
What game?
- Moving on from small talk.
Look, I, uh, I know you've been
working through some things
since you got back
from deployment.
Oh, boy, can we please
not have a heavy talk
on soldier appreciation day?
I'm wearing board shorts.
I told you to go talk to someone.
They said you never showed up.
That stuff is great
for people who need it,
but I'm doing fine.
You don't want
to talk to a counselor?
You can talk to me.
Hi, I'm a nice guy!
Got any feelings?
* Tell me what's going on *
* in that big head of yours... *
Oh, God.
Your nice guy is terrifying.
Stop. Well, maybe you'd
like to talk to foot-y,
the fake foot puppet.
Please don't.
"Don't be a heel,
tell me how you feel."
I'm gonna have to talk
to a counselor about this.
Look, the hour is yours,
Sergeant Hill.
Just get your butt there.
Fine, but I don't need it.
Whatever I brought back,
I can live with, all right?
Now can I please be dismissed
so I finally enjoy my day off?
Oh, about that.
No.
Unbelievable.
We have to take
these guys on a tour?
You're their hospitality detail.
These are Korean war veterans.
They were stationed on
this post 60 years ago.
They're here for a
platoon-mate's funeral.
Ready to hit the beach,
Sergeant Major?
Private Gumble,
you know I have shotgun.
Yeah, just keeping it warm
for you, Sergeant Major.
Why do they get
to go to the beach?
It's soldier appreciation day, duh.
Look, you take care
of these men.
If they want dinner at 4:30,
you eat at 4:30.
If they want to go to the bathroom,
you make sure it happens
in the bathroom.
Permission to think
a disrespectful word?
You have three seconds.
After that,
you gotta shake it off.
Thank you, Sergeant Major.
Full disclosure,
the word was "balls."
These fellas will probably
hit the rack early.
If they do, you get to come
to the bonfire.
Don't worry, guys.
We won't have that much fun.
Oh, this my jam!
Shut the door!
Hey, where's the latrine?
I gotta drain
my crank.
At what age do you just
start just wandering?
All right, we'll give 'em a
quick tour, early bird dinner,
they're in bed before
"Final Jeopardy."
Hey, buddy, hold up.
I'll take Cane.
All right, I got Hat.
Where do they keep
the keys for these things?
Humvees don't use keys.
They have a switch.
In Korea, we drove jeeps.
Because in Korea,
we didn't need cushy seats.
You know what
I sat on in Korea?
A big spring.
I'm sorry. Did you say
were you in Korea?
I didn't catch that.
In Korea, we punched guys
like you in the mouth.
Okay.
Okay.
Morning, sir.
Oh, hey.
I see you got
the tires over here now.
You know, 60 years ago,
we had 'em, uh, over there.
When'd you make the move?
I don't know.
I want to take a picture of you
and these capricious tires.
What do you say
when you want to smile?
What?
Don't move!
Yeah!
So these are called
elephant doors.
Which actually brings me
to another question...
In your day, did elephants
come through here?
Yeah, I was in the
101st pachyderm division.
Right!
- Yeah.
So, no, right?
So how do you open this?
Really amazing.
Just just slide
your army card.
Isn't that amazing?
What else is amazing?
Like a cat crawling
into grocery bag, huh?
Yeah.
That'd be amazing, huh?
Tell me you sniff glue so I
can understand your idiocy.
Dan, sir, you seem
kind of grumpy,
so can I ask you a question?
I mean no disrespect.
Mm.
Do you have to poop?
Of course I have to poop.
Uh, Sergeant Hill,
would you take a picture
of us in the Humvee?
And make sure
you're far enough back
to get those mysterious
moving tires in the shot.
Okay.
Wow.
This guy is 80 going on eight.
You want to trade? I've got an elderly
narcissist with anger issues.
Yeah, mine's a little prickly,
but if I'm honest with myself,
his criticisms are fair.
Knock if off. I'm gonna take the picture.
- You have to wind the film, you idiot.
Why are you doing that?
Let's do this!
Look out!
Yeah!
God, they are gonna get
in so much trouble!
Wait.
No! No!
You let a bunch of old vets steal
a Humvee out from under your nose?!
He showed 'em how it works.
- He was distracted by the camera.
I was honestly impressed.
It was very badass.
I was on the beach enjoying
a party box of chablis.
Poor Sergeant Perez had
to drive me home.
Doesn't soldier appreciation
day mean anything to you guys?
Oh, my God. Thank you for
your service, Sergeant Perez.
It's my day off and I was
really having a good time.
I mean, I wish it wasn't such
a sausage fest, but...
Oh, I disagree.
The food was amazing!
No-no, Sergeant Major,
that's... no.
I was just about to wrap
my lips around
a juicy, hot piece of meat
when you idiots called!
Sergeant Major,
excuse me.
We need to have an
immediate conversation
about what a
sausage fest is.
Yeah.
I know what a
sausage fest is.
That's when you line up
the best wieners
from all around the world
and you go to town!
No.
That is absolutely incorrect.
It can mean that.
Well, at least I didn't let
a bunch of old men trick me
into giving them a hummer.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Oh, man, check out this video
Gumble just posted.
They finally did it...
Infinity beer.
We're missing the best day ever!
Would you put that away
and keep an eye out?
These guys could
be anywhere.
Should we check in there?
Hey.
Oh, boy. Look, I'll be over
in a sec, all right?
Don't touch me.
All right, fellas, let's go.
Who's this beer for?
Ow!
Really?
His hands are mostly bone.
Sit your asses down!
We're not going anywhere.
Do it, Pete. Don't make
him skeleton spank you.
Yeah, so remember how I said
my schedule was, um, tricky?
I assumed there were
several men in your life, so...
Just one, actually.
He's six.
Feet tall?
He's my son.
So I've got a kid!
A six-year-old son.
- Right!
Just a little boy, he's six.
It's a six-year-old is what it is.
Yeah, he, not "it."
Yeah. You know what?
If you want to take off,
I totally get it.
With most men, there's a cloud
of dust at this point.
No. Uh, listen...
My best friend was
a six-year-old...
When I was six.
- Mm-hmm.
He was also black,
which is not important.
But it might say something
about me.
Might not.
Okay, as much as I want to hear about
your progressive boyhood friendships,
I should get back to work.
Right.
I know I kind of dropped
a bomb on you,
so just... think about it.
Oh.
But text me later if we're on for
tomorrow night so I can book the sitter.
Um...
Or not, you know.
No, no. Okay, okay.
Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Okay.
Okay. Okay!
Okay, I don't know where this ends,
so I'm just gonna take off.
Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
Erin has a kid.
Well, Sully's dead!
What?
Sergeant John Sullivan...
The man whose funeral
they came for.
They're not just here for the
funeral or to have a ghost beer.
May your soul rest, sire.
I want to get back to Erin's
situation at some point,
but for now, we're gonna
leave it to Patrick.
You have the floor, sir.
Continue.
Is he always like this?
- Tip of the iceberg.
60 years ago, something
happened in this bar,
something very wrong.
And it's time to make it right.
Let's ride!
Where, Randy?
Where we gonna ride to?
Specifics, please.
- There you go.
You see these unit coins
on the wall?
That gap where one's missing?
Sully earned his coin
for bravery
holding the
perimeter at pusan.
He carried that coin
with him for two tours.
But one night, he got
a little too friendly
with the wrong marine's
girlfriend.
The guy got P.O.'D,
but he didn't have the
guts to tango with Sully,
so he ripped his unit coin
off the wall,
put it between his butt cheeks,
and took it to the marine bar
down the coast.
That's where it's hung
for the last 60 years.
I'm sorry...
Did you say he put it
in between his butt cheeks?
Did they not have
pockets back then?
It's not an important detail.
No?
- You did mention it.
Was it a place
of honor?
He defiled it.
We have to get it back.
Do we, though?
- How about a brand new coin?
Has it been washed?
It was Sully's dying wish
to get that coin back!
We didn't think
you'd understand.
You see this?
This belonged to our dad.
He made me promise
to give it back to him
when he came home from the Gulf.
I've been carrying it
around ever since.
We were supposed
to take turns carrying it.
Never had a turn.
The point is,
we do understand.
And we're gonna help you
get that coin back.
All right, we got ourselves...
- Lock and load, baby.
Let's do this!
- Easy with the gung ho crap, guys.
What's with this gung ho?
Come on.
Gung ho!
Gung ho! Hooah!
You know what?
Why don't we switch seats?
Yeah.
Do you mind if we switch?
Here, okay...
Okay.
Yeah.
That's better.
Oh, this makes a lot more sense.
Yeah.
Let's ride!
* Then it's... Hi! Hi! Hey! *
* The army's on its way *
* Count off the cadence
loud and strong... *
* Two! Three! *
This reminds me of Afghanistan.
We had this one Sergeant who
only knew one song on the guitar.
One night it
mysteriously blew up
in a training exercise
I may have led.
Hmm.
We had a harmonica guy in Korea.
All day, every day,
with that thing.
I made him eat it.
You ever hear a man pass
a harmonica into a camp toilet?
That's the sound of the blues.
Let me ask you something.
When you first got home,
were people pushing you to talk
about your feelings and stuff?
My wife talks about her feelings
enough for the both of us.
I'm more of the strong,
silent type.
Yeah.
Yeah, me, too.
Ah...
Sure feels good to sit.
Feels good to lie down, too.
I'm looking forward to death.
I like you.
You're going with a gal
that's got a kid.
Is that the story?
I'm actually still trying
to figure it out.
Let me handle it
with one word... Run!
I'm not gonna run...
Maybe I should run.
I'm gonna run.
It's tough enough to get
one person to like you, but two?
And with your personality?
Forget it.
- Right?
It's like, why take the risk?
I can help you
with a lot of stuff, kid.
Here's a freebie...
Never climb over a lit candle
when you're getting out of the tub.
Thank you.
I feel like I'm looking
in a future mirror.
I am a soldier, I'm a husband,
I'm a brother, I'm a father,
I'm a grandfather
and...
A shark aficionado.
It's perfect.
Except you wear hats.
I'm not really a hat guy.
What if that means
you're not future me?
Then who am I?
Just a guy that hates hats?
I don't want to be
defined by hate.
And especially hat hate!
That's the worst kind of hate!
You're spiraling, son.
I do that, too.
Name your favorite shark
on the count of three.
Great white!
You never counted.
All right, we're almost there.
Intel says that
every other Saturday
the marines do field maneuvers,
so there won't be any
stinking jarheads in the joint.
I like it.
I just wish Sully were here.
Oo-rah!
Why, did Sully like
getting his ass kicked?
Marines...
Even without their uniforms
they look cool.
Damn...
- Damn...
Russel, you said these guys
were off on a training exercise.
Oh, that was last Saturday.
Sorry, guys.
Swiss cheese.
We need a new plan.
Well, let's just go to the beach
and hang out with the other idiots.
Yeah! He's a freak!
- He's an artist.
And I'm America's
favorite wiener boy!
If we leave now,
we can be there in time
to watch him puke.
I am not giving up.
- Me, either.
I got it.
We'll get jobs at the
hair salon next door.
Okay?
We'll work there
for a long, long time.
They'll call me Pepe,
I'll be the best barber
and trade haircuts
for secrets.
And I will get information
and infiltrate their system.
This kid makes
a lot of sense.
You two, just... take five.
I love this man.
Except for that hat.
What?
Why do you have to wear a hat?
Everything's so perfect
except for your hat.
Hey, hey, hey...
- No!
No, look at me.
See, now, you may not
be a hat guy now,
but if one day
you need to wear one,
I hope you'll be open to it.
Ooh...
Sorry, I just wanted to
see if you were real.
Yeah, I think we're
gonna go anywhere else.
Sorry, sorry.
- That's all right.
That's all right.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry...
"Haven't heard from you,
so I guess we're not
on for tonight.
It's okay. I get it."
That's what you wanted.
She just did the
hard work for you.
Yeah, I guess.
You play your cards right,
you'll be like me and
you'll never get tied down.
So you don't have
anyone back home?
I got plenty of action right now.
I've got a little thing going
with a waitress at my diner.
I sit at her station and she
brings me coffee and pie.
So, she's...
Just your waitress.
No, well, she pays me
special attention.
Like, one time, she
put down my pie
and her left one
bumped my shoulder.
Then why don't you just
ask her out, you know?
I mean, you never know, maybe
her right one'll bump you, too.
Yeah, but then it could
all go sideways
and I end up with
a banged-up heart
and nowhere to eat pie.
Yeah, but then you're just living
life trying not to get hurt.
What, do you like to get hurt?
No, but...
Well, then, why risk it?
We're the smart ones.
Not like those gonzos back there.
They don't know when to quit.
You should always be
able to ask yourself,
is it worth getting
my ass kicked for this?
Hey, well...
Hey...
Where you going?
Hey!
Wait, what are
you doing?
Taking a risk.
* Then it's... Hi! Hi! Hey! *
* The army's on its way... *
Any of you stupid jarheads know where
an army guy can get a beer around here?
You know what
marine stands for?
"Muscles Are Required,
Intelligence Not Essential."
I love that one.
You're stupid, is what it means.
Sassmouth is making
himself a decoy.
He's finally using his
dick skills for good.
We got his back.
You guys infiltrate
and get the coin.
This is a marine truck.
Private Hill...
Are you ready to be a hat guy?
Yes, sir.
Marines?
More like mar-ron'ts
yeah, that was kind of a weak one,
but I'm terrified right now.
You know what's even more
pathetic is the fact that
I'm, like, half the size
of one of y'all's biceps...
Excuse me, kind sir.
Can I have a marine beer,
as I am clearly a marine?
Just like my grandmother
used to say...
Any time you see a marine,
you beat the... beep...
out of them.
She didn't cuss, 'cause
she was a Christian woman.
But you know what she meant.
Hey.
So, uh, which one of you clowns
is gonna take the first punch?
Okay, so, me then?
Get away from my brother!
Eat it, jarhead!
His old man hands are all bone!
Tryin' to steal the coin, oorah?
No.
Yeah, that's what you get
for messing with a hat man, son!
Ice it! Ice it!
Aah!
I got the coin!
Yeah!
Come on!
Go! Go!
Get in the Humvee! Go!
Ha! Hooah! Hooah!
Best soldier appreciation day ever!
Ever! Sure is!
That was a bonehead move.
But I'm proud of you.
I-I-I don't really
know what I did.
There's a big chunk
of time missing.
Your cries for mercy
got me thinking.
Life is short.
And maybe I should ask Janet for
something more than just a piece of pie.
Huh.
Yeah.
She's got a kid, too, though.
That makes me a little nervous.
He's 58.
Good for you.
Thanks, fella.
What are you giving
this to me for?
I want you to put that
in Sully's casket.
Don't you want
to do it?
I'm not going to the funeral.
What?!
After all this?
I-I thought Sully
was like a brother to you.
I came down here
to complete the mission
for him, but funerals...
You see things in war...
And funerals just dredge up
all those memories.
Some things you just
learn to live with.
We are gathered here to celebrate
the life of Sergeant John Sullivan.
He defended this country
and deserves to be honored
the way he honored our country.
Let us pause a moment
to reflect upon a friend
who is no longer with us.
Watson, it's cold.
I'm Russian,
I like long stories.
Sorry, forgot to pay.
Swiss cheese.
You should see the other guys.
Hi.
I'm Derrick.
It's a lot better.
I mean, best of all, every time
I go eat with my wife,
we get great parking.
Hard to fall asleep at night.
You know? It's just
not the same anymore.
Well, have you tried
the stuff we talked about?
So... I have some stuff
I don't just want to live with.
Sync and corrections by brayanatsix