Endgame (2011): Season 1, Episode 10 - Bless This Union - full transcript

(gentle music)

I'm so sorry, Mr. Balagan.

We don't want to go,
they're locking us out.

Who suffers?

Me.

Who will change my linens?

Who will deliver my food?

And who will keep the groupies away?

You will survive.

Now, did you put Rosemary's
ring in the vault.

Good, you can't trust
a nonunion housekeeper.



How long will this madness last?

Excuse me!

No one knows.

But our union president says
lockouts our Linda's specialty.

Arkady: And who is this Linda?

The management negotiator
from Huxley head office.

Linda, our members
need to get back to work.

They've got families to feed.

Save it for the cameras, Bud.

Thank you very much.

Lawyers are the last
profession to go paperless.

So no staff, brilliant for a hotel.

Yes, well, we had to
break stalemate somehow.

Too bad this lock-down
doesn't include guests.



You're in my way, Balagan.

Thanks, Mr. Lum, I've been lugging

these files around all week.

Hugo, I need access to the vault.

Follow me, I'm going there anyway.

Time is 3:27, we are now locked out,

do I hear no rollbacks.

Workers: No rollbacks.

Uh oh, your petals
are falling off, Hugo.

He needs to be watered more often.

You haven't told them yet?

Why do I have to do it?

Cause they're your people.

I was born six blocks from here.

Just tell them we had
to shut the ballroom down,

they'll understand.

Arkady: Bring the
jewelry into the wedding?

Yeah, and I get to tell the newlyweds,

'cause apparently we all know each other.

Can you soften them up for me?

That might be hard.

Hello!

Oh my God, sorry.

It's just that this is the first time

that we've been alone in five days.

It's the first time
we've been alone ever.

No gravy boats?

Cash gifts are the
norm at an Indian wedding.

Cultural advantage.

Lucky.

Oh, wow.

That's gorgeous.

That's one lucky lady.

Not so lucky.

Miss, ma'am, we've just
been locked out by management.

What, like a strike?

What about my wedding?

Well, we don't want
to go, but we have to.

And so did your guests.

Excuse me?

We kind of had to
evacuate the ballroom.

But I haven't said
goodbye to everyone yet.

Vijay!

It's just fire regulations.

We don't have the staff
to cover your event.

It is not an event, it's my wedding.

I'm sorry?

Okay, temps, welcome to Huxley.

The hotel, it's like a battleship.

Yes, you need a life jacket.

Hugo, ladies room, bring a plunger.

Gotta lead an orientation, Barb.

Front desk.

A tripping hazard?

We need you on the eight
floor, torn carpet.

We'll be right up.

I expect fresh towels
in the morning, Barbara.

(dramatic music)

(phone rings)

Good morning, Huxley Hotel.

Yes, of course, we're
still taking reservations.

(snaps fingers)

Uh huh, no, I think
that's very workable,

yes, see you at nine, good, good.

The union's already starting to cave.

Good, because we've
already had 16 cancellations.

So ready for your honeymoon?

Just as soon as we get
our gifts from the vault.

Hugo?

That's perfect, I need my files too.

Let's go, folks.

Thanks.

(beeping)

There you go.

Thanks.

Tara: What the hell?

Linda: Oh my, oh my,
oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Vijay, they took everything.

Vijay: What kind of hotel is this?

(dramatic music)

If you're looking for coffee,

kitchen staff's locked out.

Ah, the empire's already crumbling.

I thought you'd abandon me too.

Yeah, right, bar manager, remember?

So to that, now you can
add bellhop, waitress,

house keeping, I've been here all night.

Where are the stale croissants
and the disgusting coffee?

No breakfast this morning, Mr. Balagan.

That is clear, why?

I'm so sorry.

Hi, this is Huxley Hotel,
I'd like to report a robbery.

Robbery?

I'm so sorry,

thank you, right away.
The vault.

Yes.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,

this is not good at all, Mr. Lum.

Hugo: Drilled right through this one.

Oh no.

Scram, Balagan, this is a crime scene.

Linda: The union will have a field day

with this, Mr. Lum.

Maybe I can postpone negotiations

until the police solve the case.

Postpone, no.

This ridiculous lockout needs to end, now.

Hey, he's a mental case.

I'm not a mental case, I'm a fool!

I took everything I valued and placed it

in your clumsy hands.

Don't just stand there gaping,

come look at the security cameras.

Hugo: We got a situation here, Larry.

Uh, Gary.

Yeah, whatever, just show
me camera six, rewinding.

(beeping)

F1 and shift, geez.

How the hell did they get in this vault?

It's just another security travesty.

Why are you surprised, Hugo?

Hey.

This vault's protected by a
four quadrant security system.

Quadrant one, manpower.

Quadrant two, surveillance.

Just show me the camera outside the vault.

Okay, just keep hitting
that, rewind it, okay.

Today, today...

Blah, blah, blah.

Whoa!

It's blank.

Keep going back.

(computer beeping)

It's blank for like 15 minutes, man,

what the hell did you do?

I don't know, it was
fine when I got here.

Which was, sometime after
12:15 last night, Hugo.

15 minutes of nothing, son of a...

I should have known, any vault of yours

is no safer than a walk in closet.

Don't blame yourself.

Okay, 15 minutes, in and out,

we're talking about
professional thieves here,

we got bested by the best.

That loot is probably on a
plane to Venezuela by now.

There's no extradition treaty.

So criminal masterminds

penetrated your four quadrant security?

Craft team of at least three.

Disabled the camera remotely,

safecracker overrides the codes,

you've got two drill operators,

you got like, high
octane magnets going in.

So how did they get
out of the building?

You know what, I think I better go talk

to those newlyweds right now.

Larry, keep an eye on things.

Gary.

Yeah, well, I'm used to Larry, so.

Gary, I need a list of all the guests

at this hotel, and anyone
with a safe deposit key.

Sure.

You work here, right?

Yes, I'm director of
strategic initiative.

I need a master keycard too.

My wedding's ruined.

It's all right, honey,
you'll have other weddings.

(speaks foreign language)

We need a police
report for our insurance.

How long will that take?

Yeah, the police are on their way.

You and your family just sit tight,

make sure you're all here for questioning.

I'll get your IDs together.

Just have a coffee and...

(Danni grunts)

Oh right, sorry, there's no coffee today.

Just sit.

I should get my papers
and passport in the room.

Do you need anything?

No, I...

(dramatic music)

So any idea who stole our money?

Not yet.

Well, the manager says
you're good at solving stuff.

The manager is good and
dodging responsibility.

I feel sick.

You know, Vijay just wanted
to get married at City Hall.

Said he didn't care, just
so long as we were together.

But I had to have my big
traditional Bengali wedding.

I'm sure it was magnificent.

It was.

Until we got robbed.

I can't even look at my dad right now.

He took out a second mortgage,

just so he could pay for everything.

Those five days of rituals
must have been costly.

We convinced him that it was worth it.

That it'd be the perfect day

for the whole family to remember,

but now all anyone will remember is this.

Hugo, please share.

What is your meticulous
investigation come up with thus far?

Door to the roof's propped open.

Oh, amazing.

Hugo: It's gotta be how they escaped.

And how did they get off the roof?

Parachute, hang glider, Gyrocopter,

they're international pros.

Yes, you may indeed have been robbed

by Norwegian jewel thieves,

but at least one of them knows this hotel.

It's off season.

And so there were fewer than usual,

dissatisfied Huxley guests,

but according to this list...

How'd you get that?

Everyone of these
burble boxes was in use.

Now how did they know that?

And the only mystery was 101.

Which is what?

Cash flow for the hotel.

Wait, so they knew which boxes to rob.

Yes, and the location of the vault,

and the security cameras, and the exit,

and the atrocious state of security.

They'd still need the
secret code to the vault.

That changes every day.

I'm tired of it, man.

Did I see coffee?

(Danni groans)

It's instant, want some?

Drain cleaner would be preferable.

I thought there was no food service.

Well, no, but those
boys are feeling pretty bad

after the wedding last night.

So I raided the kitchen.

Mohit over there, used to bus tables.

Here?

Yeah, he quit last
year to go back to school.

Why does a group from India
have a best man from here?

Some crazy coincidence in it.

Tara and Vijay met on Chatty.

What's that?

Lavalife For South Asians.

But then it turns out that Vijay's cousin,

Asha, is Mohit's
sister-in-law, or something.

Yes, that is a crazy coincidence.

(Barbara snapping)

She just snapped at me.

Queens need bones.

(Arkady snapping)
(Danni groans)

Put on your shoe.

Russian hangover cure, anyone?

(speaks foreign language)

I hear you got up to
no good last night, yes?

Did you bring the groom along?

Yeah, we kept Vijay here pretty late.

On his wedding night?

The bride must have been thrilled.

Her idea.

One last beer with Vijay's brothers here

before they fly back to Kolkata.

Ah.

But then it turned
into many last beers.

I hear air travel and hangovers

do not mix very well.

So how late is late?

1-1:30?

1:30?

(wheels rolling)

Pickle brine, it really works.

Especially when you add vodka.

(Mohit sniffs)

Danni!

No.

I can't talk right now.

After the staff were
locked out last night,

did you keep the bar open all on your own.

No, we shut it down
just before midnight.

(intense music)

(speaks foreign language)

To Vijay and Tara and all their cash.

(men laughing)

Those groomsmen got up
to something last night,

but it was not in the bar.

Okay, was it putting
soap in the hot tub?

Ah, politsiya, late as usually.

Sam, I need some supplies.

I don't care how you
feel about picket lines,

it's an emergency.

Mr. Balagan, have you seen my husband?

What have you lost him already?

Well, we've been looking
for him everywhere,

calling his cell, he's like, vanished.

It's weird.

So you were robbed last night,

and your husband went
out with his best men,

who used to work here,

and they all lied about where they were,

and now he's missing.

No, don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing.

(knocking)

Oh, Sammy, so good to see you.

Mr. Balagan, I'm sorry

about Rosemary's ring and everything.

Are you okay?

So what's the emergency?

They only have instant.

I crossed a picket line
just to bring you coffee?

It's not just coffee, Sam.

Scarcity creates commodification,

and coffee's the new currency.

Which you will trade for
info about the vault robbery.

Indeed.

Right after this espresso.

Those new beds are the worst.

The Huxley Total Tranquility
bed is very challenging

for the housekeepers.

And why is that, Alcina?

The goose down duvets

weigh five kilos each,
(horn honking)

Plus triple sheeting,
five king size pillows,

bolster cushions...

Alcina, look.

Excuse me.

Jason: Covering the hotel lockup.

Yeah, it's a favor for Arkady.

Wow, he doesn't
strike me as a union man.

He's not.

He just wants fresh towels.

So where's your Bible, Sister Pippa?

Well, I heard you visited

our suspect in the hospital the other day.

Emil Shirt shouldn't even be a suspect.

He admitted to me that he
lied about killing Rosemary.

Not on the record, right.
Then you try.

He slipped into a
coma, Emil died at 4 A.M.

Another dead end.

Well, maybe not.

See, Pippa, I found it coincidence.

It can't be a coincidence.

Hi, I'm Sam, Sam Besht.

Can I interest you in a premium coffee?

That's very kind of
you, thank you very much.

Ah, Sam, I see you've met Linda,

from Huxley head lease office.

Can I offer you a whiskey, sugar.

How did you get a master keycard.

It's the decline of
civilization, Linda.

Unoccupied rooms are fair game.

(Arkady sighs)

Did you find anything on the cameras?

Nothing useful.

But it does look like it was perpetrated

by someone with inside knowledge.

That poor bride and groom.

I hope you didn't lose
anything too valuable.

A ring.

Oh dear.

Is your wife very upset?

No, she's not.

Bud: Linda, what the hell?

You locked us out and now you stall?

I thought you needed time to absorb

the gravity of the situation.

A latte for the union president,

maybe it will help
smooth out negotiations.

Danni!

Where are the...

See, there is wedding
confetti everywhere.

No wonder housekeeping
doesn't wanna take a pay cut.

Where did the police go?

In the bar, with the bride.

Does Sam have actual coffee?

Hey, Balagan.

What?

So it looks like the groom's a runner.

Maybe he went to
get some decent coffee.

Maybe.

But a lot of these international

internet marriages are a scam,

they get hitched, get their
papers, get outta town.

Officers asked the bride
where her husband was

at midnight, and she said...

In the bar, but it was closed.

Oh, and, that guy...

Arkady: Used to work
here, Mohit, yes I know.

Well, did you know
that the bride's father

is an insurance broker?

So you're not a
complete waste of carbon.

Good for you.

Hugo: I'm thinking,
they ripped themselves off.

Double the gifts with
a fake insurance claim.

You're giving your imagination

some much needed exercise,
Hugo, congratulations.

The groom could have got the code from

Gurjit when he let him into the vault.

Mohit would know how to
find the guest registry

and now, bridezilla and dad
are playing it up for the cops.

And where does the groom fit in?

Oh, he double crossed her.

Got his papers, took off with the loot.

You were in the vault
with them last night,

did he do anything suspicious?

Hey there, so you're in here all alone?

Is that drill in dhoti, or
are just happy to see me?

(upbeat music)

(drill whirring)

No, no, there's not time for that.

What else could you have been doing?

Hm.

Secret code, 3141592,

diamond ring in box 121,

happy face, lol.

You're a mysterious fellow, Vijay.

Where are you now?

The groom does have something to hide,

that's why he's missing.

Yeah, told you.

He's halfway to Venezuela by now.

Maybe you should follow him.

Tara?

Can I interest you in a latte?

I thought you might
find this interesting.

Chaturanga, Sam, it's the first chess.

Tara: Yeah, it's 1,500 years old.

This is my primordial soup.

Sam: That's cool.

Vijay and I used to play online.

He made me this set.

32 hand-carved pieces.

That's a small price to pay
for a passport, I suppose.

Not you too.

What?

Why is it so hard to
believe Vijay really loves me?

Maybe he loves wood working.

Long or short espresso?

Short.
Okay.

Police asked me that.

How does your husband take his coffee?

Does he have scars, does he snore?

I don't know any of that stuff.

So wait, was your marriage, like...

Arranged?

Yes. Not in a trade me for a donkey way,

more like, eHarmony, but with your parents

looking over your shoulder.

Vijay and I talked every day
on Skype for like a year.

No, it's cool, I met this Belgian girl

in a "Doctor Who" chatroom once.

You sure she was girl, Sam?

Yeah, it's just, I was never sure

she really appreciated the series.

How well did you know the best man?

Mohit?

Arkady: Yes.

Since I was a kid.

Oh, let me guess, you
think he's in on this too?

A billion people in India

and he just happens to know your husband?

Mohit grew up in Kolkata,

and Kulin Brahmins hang pretty tight.

And he used to work in this hotel.

No?

Mohit's not a thief.

He plays Frisbee golf and
he makes his own yogurt.

(cell phone chimes)
Oh!

If Vijay wasn't in the bar last night,

where was he?

Maybe he was playing hide the chum chum

with his bridesmaid, or maybe
he was robbing the vault.

Why are you insulting my husband?

Why is there confetti in my coffee?

I don't know.

It's Vijay, finally.

See, I told you, he's fine.

It's a video message.

Tara, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm sorry I robbed you?

I'm sorry this whole marriage is a fake?

I'm sorry, what?

Chocolate?

It's not quite as bad as
it may seem right now.

Oh, come on.

My first day of marriage,

all of our money and jewels stolen

and my new husband's missing?

Look, that is three things

that's not necessarily related, okay?

Hugo said that the door to
the roof was propped open.

Go get your husband's
sherwani from last night.

He always has a reason.

Please, go.

Thank you.

So how's this work,
there's four armies?

Yes, yes, there's two sets of allies.

Green and black versus red and yellow.

And you can even save each other's Rajas.

Ah, cooperation.

Fortunately, chess got rid
of that ridiculous concept.

Tara: Here you go.

Ah!

Don't be so solemn.

(Arkady sniffs)

(Sam and Tara sniffing)

Memories of Amsterdam.

Your husband and his groomsmen

were smoking cannabis last
night, likely on the roof.

Weed?
Yes.

Seriously?

Arkady: Mm-hmm.

Oh, he is so dead.

It explains Mohit's enthusiasm
for Frisbee golf. (laughs)

No, that message from Vijay

wasn't, sorry, I smoked a joint,

it was, sorry, something really bad.

I tell you what, go to
the bar, play three games,

and if Vijay's still not back,

I give you permission to worry.

That's enough coffee.

So Mohit and the
groomsmen go up to the roof

just to smoke a doobie?

I don't the answer lies
in the waiting party, Hugo.

You're forgetting
numerology quadrant, Balagan.

Secret code to the vault.

That groom's pretty tall,

he could've looked over Gurjit's shoulder.

So who all has this top secret code?

Just me and the night supervisor.

Vault company calls me and gives me

seven new digits, every morning.

Seven whole digits?

Well, it's police training.

Cops work on a fly, gotta
keep a lot of stuff up here.

So the vault company
calls with a new code,

you take the call here?

Hugo: Yeah.

Yeah.

Utterly incompetent security headquarters,

how may I direct your call today?

Oh, security code?

No problem, I've got it.

(objects rattling)

This it?

I'm not a liberty to say.

Come on, you don't for sure
the thieves found that.

And I heard that the time locking

has a digital code breaker.

This doesn't need to
be a daring caper, Hugo.

For 15 minutes, all that
was between the robbers

and my fiance's ring, was a Post-It.

It is a four quadrant security...

Stop quoting the vault pamphlet!

Quadrant means four, you do
not need to put both words...

All right, fine!

But you're forgetting the fourth, thing.

Listen, are you gonna
hear me out, or what?

Hugo, yes, I understand.

It's neurology, manpower,

blah, blah, blah.
Surveillance, and

the vault itself.

Each safety deposit box has a two inch,

vanadium cobalt shell,
with a titanium bolt.

Hugo, you're drooling.

To get in and out in 15 minutes,

you need heavy machinery
and the manpower to use it.

Like I said, three guys, minimum.

So four redundant quadrants,

I still don't think it was
the wedding party, Hugo.

You just met these people yesterday.

And yet, I believe them.

You, I've known for months,
and I'm still not so sure.

Guest: Excuse me!

That carpet is a tripping hazard.

Did you call last night?

I did.

You were sending someone up.

Are you sure it was the same floor?

I believe that was taken care of.

Hugo, I sent some duct tape up

with one of your temp guards
and told her to fix it.

What, what, her?

Yeah, well, I haven't
learned all their names yet,

but she said she'd take care of it.

You sure it was a lady?

She was about this tall.

Yes, I saw her, yes, very small.

How small?

Like dwarf small, leprechaun small?

Like I said, very small.

She wasn't a guard,
at least not one I hired.

Of course not, no female
sailors on Hugo's battleship.

Hugo, you don't have a
discriminatory hiring policy,

do you?

Of course not,

but private guards have
a height requirement.

Maybe this imposter
was one of the thieves,

did you think about that?

Where did this tripping hazard happen?

On the eighth floor.

Maybe someone saw her.

Barbara: Hugo, ladies room toilet!

Barb, there's...

Now!

(dramatic music)

(Arkady groans)

This place.

Hello, did you see a security
guard here last night?

A woman, about this tall.

No, no.

Have you seen my son-in-law, Vijay?

Don't you think I would have told you?

(beeping)

Arkady!

What are you doing in here?

Excuse me.

Are you scavenging the minibar?

No, no, I had a towel emergency.

Well, you can't have this one. (laughs)

Clearly, I can't.

I just had to clean up,

I've been working like a dog all night,

needed to feel human again.

Well, you look human enough to me.

Except for the confetti in your hair.

Still?

Mm-hmm.

God, stupid wedding
confetti, it's everywhere.

How's the abandoned bride?

The abandoned bride, she's
hoping she's not abandoned.

The police think it's marriage fraud.

Would you marry someone for citizenship?

(laughs) I'm never
getting married again.

Again?

I should go get dressed.

What is this?

Seriously?

Someone is messing with my hotel.

(ominous music)

(rattling)

Stop right there!

Or what, you'll shine two flashlights?

Geez, Balagan.

You know, you really should
wear shoes down here.

I wanted to see who cut the power.

Just don't get in my way.

What?

Okay, stay right where you are.

Stay, there!

Arkady: Vijay?

So thought you'd pull the breakers

and make a getaway in the dark, huh?

What?

No, I didn't touch anything.

There was a security guard down here.

He was messing with the breakers.

Temps, man, they are all idiots.

Which security guard, Vijay?

Was it a woman?

No, that guy from last night.

The one who shut down our wedding.

Gurjit?

Yeah, I...

What the hell is he doing in the hotel?

Which breakers, which breakers?

So what are you hiding
from down here, Vijay?

Your wife, the police?

Here's the thing.

So game three.

You letting me win to cheer me up?

No.

Hey.

Look who I found in the basement.

Vijay, where the hell did you go?

Try the truth, Vijay.

Women love it.

Tara, I'm sorry that I lied
to you about being at the bar.

Marijuana?

On our wedding night?

I was nervous to be with you

after we'd only ever talked online.

So you got high?

I thought it would help.

It worked.

Masel tov.

The police need to talk
to you about the robbery.

There's something
else you need to know?

What, you're a drug dealer?

A jewel thief?

I thought I knew you.

You do, except for one thing.

When I was 18 some friends

and I stole a police officer's motorcycle

and crashed it through a pharmacy window.

I was sentenced to six
months and served four.

We talk every single day, for a year,

and you don't tell me this?
Vijay: I knew your parents

would never let you marry me if I did.

No kidding.

Wait, you can't immigrate
here with a criminal record.

I sent them a fake background check.

Tara: You could be deported.

I did it because I love you.

And because you love me,

you robbed the hotel vault.

Vijay: No, I had
nothing to do with that.

Really?

Why should I believe you?

We've been married one day, Vijay,

and you've been lying for most of it.

Tara, I just panicked.

It happens.

Oh, so you believe him, Mr. Balagan?

Because at this point,

you've known him for
almost as long as I have.

I would give him the
benefit of the doubt.

You're married, green and
black, you're allies now.

Maybe, but if Vijay didn't
rob the vault, then who did?

How do I trust you now?

Tara, one small thing.

Did you have confetti at your wedding?

No, just flower petals.

(dramatic music)

Ark, that ring, I'm so sorry.

My babushka gave it to
me when I left Khabarovsk.

I told it was a waste of time,

I was never going to get married.

I was 19.

Rosemary loved that ring.

Yes.

My great grandfather looted
it from the Winter Palace

during the revolution.

Now it's been stolen twice.

So your favorite cop came to see me.

Jason Evans with big feet.

Pippa: Yeah, do you have a marker?

Over there.

What are you doing?

No, Pippa, Alcina will kill me.

No, this is big, we need visuals.

Rosemary and her friend
Greg were shot and killed.

The spotter...

Who showed the shooter
whom to kill, yes?

Yes, he worked from Crosstown Limos.

Arkady: Okay.

Crosstown Limos drove the escort

who worked for Midnight Beauties.

Yes?

And then, there was Emil Shirt,

who just died in the hospital.

Emil Shirt may have
confessed to the shooting,

but we both know he wasn't there, so...

Yeah, true, but Emil
Shirt did steal cars,

and he sold them to Tyson's Auto.

Tyson's Auto services the fleet for

Crosstown Limos.
Crosstown Limos.

Everything seems to be connected,

I just don't know how.

Yes, but there just all pieces.

Pippa, find out who moves them,

and then we'll know who the opponent is.

Until then...

(marker squeaks)

I'm sorry.

Back so soon?

Tell me this ridiculous lockout is over.

Unfortunately not.

It seems the union's got a
source inside Huxley Hotels.

We started negotiating,

and Bud knew a lot of highly,
highly confidential details.

Details we've kept in the vault, yes?

He knew our bottom line.

And which Huxley properties
are turning a profit.

So the lockout continues.

Until the union comes to it's senses.

I am in pain.

Why would you mess with the breakers?

Workplace sabotage, Hugo.

It's when your staff are
incompetent on purpose.

I didn't do anything.

You know what, I could have
you charged with trespassing.

And did you plug the toilets in the lobby?

Because I had to clean that up.

Gurjit: No way.

What about the soap in the hot tub?

No, that was Zofia.

Genius.

Oh yeah, what about shutting
down security cameras, huh?

Am I fired?

Answer my question first.

I suspended the systems
but only for 15 minutes,

Bud, our union prez, he paid me 500 bucks.

I hit a button.

So you could rob the vault?

The vault was robbed?

When?

Right after you shut down the cameras.

Coincidence?

I think not.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. B,

after the lockout I went
to my buddy Kevin's house.

You can ask his mom.

Oh, I will ask his mom.

So am I fired?

No, promoted.

You're management now.

You work for me 24/7 until lockout's over.

And you're on toilet duty.

See how genius that is!

Alcina, I need to
speak with President Bud

about his sabotage.

Hello, Alcina, please.

Welcome, Mr. Michaels.

Mr. Balagan, how do you
make it so filthy, so fast?

That was Pippa.

You're stealing.

No, looting.

Coffee?

Sure, thanks.

Mr. Michaels, the hotel
vault was robbed last night.

Whoa.

Did they take Rosemary's ring?

Yes.

Alcina: I'm sorry.

Linda says you have insider information

on Huxley World Hotels.

Insider, (scoffs) I
don't know about that.

Are you really
surprised that the thieves

you hired to steal Linda's documents

would take advantage of being in a vault

filled with cash and jewels?

Look, man, just give me a break, okay?

A break?

We already know your workers
are sabotaging the hotel.

Some union workers, not the union.

This president, right here, paid Gurjit

$500 to suspend the cameras at midnight.

Yeah, well, sometimes
people go outta control.

It's best not to have cameras.

Right, like the flooding the toilets.

Bud, someone could slip and fall.

Yes, how about
confetti in the air vents?

This is him right here.

I told them to lay
off the confetti, Alcina.

It is a nightmare for housekeeping.

I know.

How did you get the Huxley financials?

Look, I think it's legal to
receive anonymous facts, okay?

I'm outta here.

(upbeat music)

Danni?

Nope, both my temps
quit and I am swamped.

You're gonna have to wait.

Okay.

Linda, what is your drink?

Gin, dirty, two olives.

Have you tried vodka and pickles?

Has anyone?

(liquid pouring)

Would you excuse me one minute, please?

I caught my dad crying,
you've ruined everything.

Tara, I'm not a thief.

Oh, except for the motorcycle.

Vijay: I was 18.

Sam, in the elevator...

When'd you get here?

When Linda asked about my ring,

she said was your wife very upset, yes?

I guess she didn't know about Rosemary.

But how did she know
it was a woman's ring,

I did not specify that, did I?

No, but you could assume.

Guest: I've been waiting for 15 minutes

for my Bloody Mary.

Well, I'm sorry, you're
just gonna have to be patient.

I am all on my own here.

(upbeat music)

You were all on your own, weren't you?

But without help, you must
have been in here all night.

So how did you leave after
the cameras came back on?

The air vent?

(drill whirs)

Hey!

You're a genius.

Final somebody notices.

Sam!

It would take at least three people

to rob the vault in 15 minutes,

but one woman could do it
alone, if she had all night.

But once the cameras came on,

no one came in or out of here.

See, it's too narrow.

What'd she do, turn herself into a ghost?

The party confetti are little circles,

but these are squares, actually rhombus.

Looks like shredded paper.

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

Yes.

Highly, highly confidential
legal documents

about Huxley World Hotels.

Hugo, think back, if your brain permits.

How were Linda's boxes
arranged here in the box?

Don't ask me, Gurjit put them there.

Yes, one by one.

But in the morning, they were all stacked

and attached to the...

What is that... (claps)

The two wheel apparatus?

Dolly.

Really, dolly?

So did Linda put them on the dolly,

or is that how you found them?

I don't, Balagan, I
was kinda paying attention

to the vault robbery.

You see, that is exactly
what she was hoping.

(upbeat music)

(guard shushing)

Of course!

It was a Mechanical Turk.

That makes sense.

So we're looking for a Turk.

No, Mechanical Turk was
this chess playing automaton.

A what?

Like an 18th century robot.

That's right, who mysteriously defeated

many human challengers,
including Napoleon Bonaparte,

and Benjamin Franklin.

So they used a robot?

No, the Mechanical Turk
turned out to be a hoax.

There was a hidden operator inside.

One very small adult human.

Ah, the leprechaun, I told you.

So we've got...

Wait, what exactly happened?

(dramatic music)

(key clanks)

(objects rattling)

You made it.

Now, how did you do it?

(drill whirs)

Mm-hmm.

(shredder whirring)

Yes, but how did you escape?

(door opens)

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,
here I come to rob you blind.

If I keep talking, talking, talking,

you won't notice the dolly.

And thanks for the ring your
great grandfather stole.

I will the stolen valuables
in the security office,

within one hour.

Wait, how do you know that?

A little rent-a-cop told me.

Alcina, call your President Bud,

tell him to get Linda back
to the bargaining table,

I have a feeling the Huxley World Hotels

are ready to negotiate.

It's a amenity creep.

Chocolates, hand sanitizers, body scrubs,

herbal teas, it's killing
housekeepers, Linda.

We've been over this, Bud.

It's the Huxley guests expect perks.

How do you know the loots in there?

Maybe the leprechaun has it.

No, Linda, wouldn't
trust it to her accomplice.

She's too controlling.

Okay, so maybe she
left her bag in her room.

Sam, it's a lockout,

anyone who asks can get a master keycard.

(Sam scoffs)

Keep watch, we're saboteurs.

How did you get in here.

Well, hello, dolly.

Mr. Balagan, this is a private meeting,

you'll have to excuse us.

You can't touch those.

What are you doing?

Aha!

I knew it!

Linda, you robbed the vault?

(plastic crinkling)

(box slams)

I am not a police, but
they are in the building.

Now, we can bring this to them, or...

Keep talking.

Or we can negotiate,
how does that sound?

Are all the valuables here?

A leprechaun in the boxes.

Family member, perhaps, or a lover, what?

My niece, and she prefers petite.

So you and your petite niece

devised a cunning heist using
nothing but office supplies.

That is very inspired, congratulations.

And then you blame it opponent
by leaking information.

You faxed the Huxley
financials to the union?

You set me up.

Oh, shut up, Bud.

With you're 200 grand
a year, plus benefits.

Do you know how many eggs
I've had thrown at me?

How many freezing hotels
I've had to sleep in,

because your workers sabotage the HVAC?

You nearly destroyed their marriage.

Huxley World Hotels destroyed mine.

200 days of traveling a
year, 60 hours a week.

And that entitles you to do
a little sabotage of your own?

I'm 54 years old, Mr. Balagan.

The only work I wanna do at
this point, is in my garden.

I caution you not to go public, Bud.

Because you shot down those cameras

and that makes you an accessory.

I'm not gonna say anything.

But I will, if you two do not end

this ridiculous labor dispute right now.

Four percent raise
over every three years.

Three percent rollback over two years.

Two and a half percent over two years.

One and a half percent over 18 months.

How about the deal we got right now.

Fine.
Okay.

(upbeat music)

You found this near the service doors.

No, I didn't.

(Hugo gasps)

Oh, right, the thieves got
scared and ditched the loot.

They encountered your four quadrants

and fled in terror, yes.

Whatever, we found it.

Whoa!

Here we go.

(objects rattling)

My mom's maang tikka.

It's all safe and sound,
I believe that's yours too.

Let me just check.

Thank you.

Hugo: I won't say this
case didn't puzzle me,

but I used to be a cop.

Ah, a renewed alliance, I see.

Tara: We're working on it.

Well, a little suspicion
is never a bad thing.

My dad knows an immigration lawyer.

She says, maybe Vijay can stay.

Arkady: Good.

Oh, you got your ring back.

Yes.

It's engraved.

It's Russian, yeah?

What does it say?

"Everything I understand,"

"I understand only because I love."

It's Tolstoy.

Thank you, Mr. Balagan.

You're welcome.

(soft music)

How are you, Danni?

(Danni chuckles)

You're my new temp?

Temporary temp.

I have it on good authority
the lockout will end soon.

Oh, thank God, cause I am beat.

Can you pass me the gin?

And slice the lemons.

Thank you.

So Danni, you were married, yes?

That was a lifetime ago, but yeah.

Maybe one day I will tell you the story,

when I'm not completely exhausted.

I look forward to it.

Can you mix me an old-fashioned?

Of course, I just need
some Angostura bitters

and decent work space.

Hello.

(gentle music)