Endangered Species (2014–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Fast and the Furriest - full transcript

Pickle builds a car racing track in the stump. Merl insists on following road rules, while Pickle breaks all of them...which eventually breaks Merl.

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♪ Let's go on
an adventure! ♪

♪ That isn't very wise! ♪

[laughs]

I love you guys.

Whaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

♪ This is getting crazier! ♪

♪ It's like we're
Endangered.... ♪

♪ Species! ♪

Vrummmmm!



Vrum! Vrum!

Vrummmmm!

Vrum! Vrum!

Whatcha doing Gull?

[screech]

Hey Pickle.

I'm pretending to race
on our new race car set.

Pretend?!

How about we open it?

Pickle, what are you doing?

Let's race!!!!

Oooh! Yeah!

No, no no!

Not race.



First you must learn
to drive safely.

I will make for you, el
perfecto track for the training.

It will be straight and safe.

With the limits of speed
and the rules of the road.

And an off-ramp to fun!!!

[giggles]

Ready, set,

goooooooooooo!

Ooh! I want a race car too!

Maybe we start with the
sensible automobile, yes?

Uh, ok..?

sensible..

Wooooohooooooo!

Ooh! I want the "woohoo" too!

The "student driver," he
does not get the woohoo too.

He gets the
"Student Driver" Sign.

Next, the road...

She must also be made safe
with the signs.

Yeah!

Oh gnarly!

[laughs]

UGH!!!!!!!!

[laughs]

Ooh! That looks fun!

No, it does not.

The road, she is no fun
unless she is safe.

Let us begin the driving
lessons.

Gently press the
hand control, yes?

Eh, close enough.

Now... There are three rules
to the safe driving.

Uno: Respect the instructor
of the driving.

That is me.

Hey Merl!

[screams]
AHHHHHH!!!!!

[mutters]

Sorry! Sorry!!!

Sorry Merl!!

Dos: Drive the speed...

...limit...yes?

[crash sounds]

And tres: Obey
all traffic signs.

Close enough.

Hey, Merl...

How's my driving?

Pickle, she is going through
the red light...

on the closed road...

While driving with her feet?

Did you not see the "No
Driving With Your Feet" sign?

[gasp]

Slow down! Keep right!

Watch for the deer!

Why do we have the deer
in the house?

Yield!

One Way!

No turns!

No Skid Marks!

This... breaking of the rules...

Not on my highway, Bandita.

I set up the speed trap,
yes?

La bandita, she suspects
nothing.

Wheee-oooo!

Whee-ooo!

Whee-oooo!

Do the pulling of the over,
motor vehicle violator.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Breaker 1-9 for the Bird-man.

That's you, Gull.

Turn on your radio.

Oh.. uh... uh... Hello?

Dude, not your CELLPHONE.

Your RADIO!

Ohhhh...uh... oh... gotcha.

Breaker 1-9 for the Bird-man.

This is the bird man, doin' one
quarter of a double nickel

in the granny lane.

Over.

Copy that, Bird Man.

I need change for a 20 on
the Smokey in the Bear's Lair.

Over.

Be advised you've got a
10-17 pullin' pogo sticks

up your back door.

And 10-77 minus three plus
two coming up in yer five.

Over.

Woo-ee!

That's a big 10-4 Good Buddy.

Over and out Stop making
the funny talk and pull over.

This is not the car chase game.

Shake some
trees and rake some leaves.

We're playing the Car Chase
Game!!!

We're playing
the Car Chase Game!!

We are not playing the car
chase game.

Car Chase Game!

Ooh I know!

In this game, I wanna be...

The li'l ol' lady with
the baby carriage

who always walks
across the street

right in the middle of the high
speed car chase!

[gasps]

Nutty Buddy!

[slo-mo]
Nutty Buddy!

UGH!!!!!!!!

[old lady voice]
Dang hot-rodding hooligans!

Can't ya read the sign?

Can you not read
the other sign?

Oh,

[giggles]

uh sorry, Merl!

Ooh! I know!

I'll be the guys walking
through a car chase

with a sheet of glass!

Great idea,
front-of-the-glass Gull!

Thanks buddy!

Woohoohahoo!
Woops.

Gull! Out of the way!

Gull Out of the way!

Both out of th--

[groaning]

Ooo hey look,
it's Merl!

Hey Merl!

Well, what are you doing lying
on the road there?

Gull the road hazards,
they must stop.

Oh, but then I'll never get
to finish that bridge

I was building over
'soiled sofa canyon'

[echo]
canyon...

Just put the flimsy barriers
in front of it,

and we shall be safe!

Ooh! Good idea!

The high gear, the shift.

It is time.

Bwaahh!

Bwaa!

Pull over, Pickle.

The chase...

...it ends now.

Like right now?

By that red light?

What red light?

[screech]

[mutters in Spanish]

Hey Merl!

[growls]

How's it going?

It is not. "Going," Muchacha.

You are not obeying
the law!

That's ok Merl, I don't care
much for the rules anyway!

She speeds, I obey.

The only way to catch her
is to..

break the law too.

[laughs]

But no, I must obey.

[beeps]

Yeehaa!

[beeps]

C'mon!!!!!!!

[laughs]

Obey. Obey!! OBEY!!!!!

WHO CARES!!!!

I broke the law?

Yes, I broke the lawww!

This, it was not bad.

In fact...

IT WAS FANTASTICO!

Merl??? You're speeding?

It's fun, isn't it?

Yes! Yes, it is.

It is fun.

[dribble talk]

Ooh hey, I speak
that language too!

[dribbling]

Merl, you're driving
with one hand.

Don't you know that's
against the law?

Now, I understand.

No laws, no rules,
never again!

[evil laugh]
Mu ha ha ha!

[gasps]

What's gotten into
you Merl?

Freeeeeedom!

♪ I like wearing mustache. ♪

♪ Heavy beardo, weirdo! ♪

Everything okay, Merl?

You seem a little-

Insane? No.

I have never been
more alive!

Viva El Merl..

the Lawless!

Look Ma, no hands!

No.

There are rules to break
and rules..

and you're breakin'
all of them.

Yes!

I am the breaker of all
that can be broken.

[maniacal laugh]

I'm finally getting it.

No. Not getting it.

Merl, stop!

You're acting all crazy-like.

You're gonna hurt yourself.

Ha! You want to see me
hurt myself?

Maybe a little.

Watch this...

Owww... Agggh...

Merl...

Are you tattooing yourself?

Yes.

The pain, it is what makes
me so cool.

Aggggh!

Kittens and puppies?

They were out of the snakes
and daggers.

Brooooom, brooooooom!

Now what was it that Merl
said about drivin' rules?

I better check...

Ha Ha!

Who needs breaks? Not me!

I am never stopping!

Ha ha!

I have never felt
so much of this..

How you say?

Alives!

Hey, this is where I built
my unfinished bridge!

Well, it's a good thing
those flimsy barriers

will keep us safe.

Now what's that rule
about unfinished bridges?

Gull!

Move out of the way!

Uh-oh... Collisions...

Collisions...

WHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

It says to...

Screammmmmmmmmm!

[scream]
AHHHHH!!!!!

I'll save you, Merl!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Now it sure done look like
Pickle and Merl got themselves

into a real
pre-dic-tor-mint this time!

UGH!!!!!!!!

The lawless law breaking,

perhaps she was
a mistake yes?

Ya think?

[screams]
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I will feel that tomorrow.

If we're still breathing
tomorrow.

Ughh...

Break the law?

NEVER AGAIN!

It's good to have you back,
Merl.

It is good to be back.

And we are going
to be okay now

that we are safely inside
this ambulance.

And I'm driving it!

Nooooooooooooo!

I'll show ya everything
I learned

from Merl's driving lessons.

[chuckles]

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

That looks delicious!

[panting]

UGH!!!!!

Ow...

Gull, the food in the pictures,
it is not real.

You cannot eat it.

Movin' on...

What's THAT!?!?

These are just pictures

from vacations my family went on
without me.

They're always travelin',
and sendin' me these photos.

FAMBILY VACATION?!

[gasps]

We're a fambily!

We need to have a
Fambily Vacation too!

[gasps]

Oh we have to pack!

I don't have socks.

I DON'T HAVE ANY SOCKS!

Socks?

This is something Gull wears?

[grunt]

Ok! I had to make some hard
choices about what to

[GRUNT]

leave behind,
but I'm all set!

Now, let's get this Fambily
Vacation started!

Woo-hoo!

I love a good Family Vacation!

I'm packed.

Where should we go?!

[stutters]
"Go?"

As in leave the stump?

No, no, no.

There is only trouble out there.

Vacations?

They have the danger!

[excitedly]
The danger!!!

The disease!

[excitedly]
The disease!!!

[gasp]

The gift shops.

[intrigued]
The gift shops?

Yeah!!!

Gift-shop!

Gift-shop!

Forget it!

I am NOT leaving the stump.

I am staying right here
where it is safe!

Well, then...

we'll just have to bring our
Family Vacation here!

YAY!

[struggle grunts]

This... it is our vacation?

You betcha!

It's called Vacation in a Box!

Ooo, this is gonna be
so much fun!

Are weWhat?e yet?

Are we there yet?

A No...

Are we there yet?

No...

Sooo... Are we there yet?
No...

Are we there yet?
Noooo!!!

Are we there yet?

Si.

Yes, yes, we're here.

Look around,

enjoy the everyday family
vacation that is our stump!

[cheers]

This is so much fun!

Just wait!

"Caution: Vacation
under pressure.

Pull string to release."

Everyone - get in
real close!

I don't think this is such
a good idea-

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!

Woah ahahaha.

Snow? In the stump?

LET'S FAMILY VACATION!

Now let's tear this slope up!

I am not getting in
one of those chairs.

I am going to stay
right here, where it is safe.

Don't worry Merl, we can take
the safest chair.

See you at the top!

Pff. And which chair
would that be?

C'mon Merl, I say THIS ONE!

Woo!!!

[giggles]

Wahoo!!!

[screams]
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Already I want to go home.

What a view!

[yodeling]
Yodel-ay-ee-hoo.

Hey, it sounds like there's
somebody out there!

Is there anybody out there?!

Nope!

We're all alone.

Let's shred some powder!

Wahoo!

Woohoo!

ARE YOU GUYS COMING
OR WHAT?!

Huh, Ok!

[grunts]

Feel the burn.

Ok...

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!

UGH!!!!!

Woohoo!

Come on, Merl! Your turn!

Must check my gear...

Frostbite fixer...

Avalanche detector...

Reindeer bite anti-venom...

my parachu-oooot...!

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!

Chair lift! No!

What are you--

Ow. Ow.

UGH!!!!!

Ow. Ouch. OW!

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!

Wow, Merl!

I didn't know you liked
"back country skiing!"

This is not the "back
country skiing."

It is the "kitchen country
smashing!!!"

Maybe you need to relaxify
more, Merl!

Yes, this, it is a good idea.

No more Family Vacations
for Merl.

But I know the perfect way
for you to relaxify.

It's called...

A family vacation!

Yeah!!! No!!!

Get in close!

Let me see those
instruction-

Surf's up dudes!

I'm a bodashisly
rok-a-heele!

Cowabunga!

Woohoo!

Come on Merl, it's fun.

Ahh!!!

The sun?

She is warm.

The sand?

She is soft.

But that hammock?

She may look safe, but she
will swing me like a pinata

until I hit my head
on that tree!

That is so NEVER going
to happen, Merl.

EVER.

Wh-whoa-whoa--whoa...

Whoa...

Whoa.

Told ya!

Not so bad.

Even... a little...

relaxing.

[yawns]

Siesta...

[tropical music]
♪♪♪♪♪

[sighs]

Ooo.

Hola Brain.

La luna, it is a nut.

Hey Merl!

Are you relaxed yet?!

[gasps]

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!!!

UGH!!!!!

Where'd the nutty moon go?

Oh good, you're awake.

I have a great idea
for our next vacation.

I don't want to go on
a vacation at all!

Ooo! I know! I know!

Let's go to Fambily World.

That sounds awesome!

Sounds unsafe.

We are going to Fambily World

and we are going to have
a fambily vacation

and that is fambily final!

Hello. And welcome to--

FAMBILY WORLD!

Is this some kinda
theme park?

Not just any theme park...

♪ Cows have families
and so do the mice! ♪

♪ That's why... ♪

♪ It's a Family World! ♪

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!

[giggles]

[gasps]

[Evil laugh]

Are you sure this
won't be boring?

Boring! Didn't you
see the robots??!

My Face! My beautiful face!

Hey I'll give it a try.

Wait... I must check the rules.

"No standing."

"No jumping."

"No shouting."

"No touching."

"No kissing."

"No sleeping."

"No parking."

"No farting."

"No spinning."

"No thinking."

"No squeezing."

"No knitting."

"No bouncing."

"No smelling."

"No humming."

"No itching."

"No leaking."

"No shaving."

"No warning."

"No pooping."

"No reading aloud."
[gasps]

Come on Merl!

My safety instincts tell me
something is still not right.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Here comes the family hug!

[grunts]

Oh, safety restraints?

[grunts]

There's the love.

Wait... we are moving?

This is the best day
of my life!

It's too slow.

Make it go faster, Gull!

Don't forget to visit the
gift shop on your way out

for your souvenir photo!

Oh, look: that's where we had
our first fambily vacation,

[giggles]

Member?

Like it was just
moments ago...

Woah look!

This must be where
the ride picks up.

Maybe we'll go off a cliff!

I thought you said
this was safe!

Here we gooooooooooooooooo!

[screams]
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

♪ Well, it's a
family world! ♪

Hey Merl, is that
your underwear?

What?

I had those arranged
by day of the week!

Is nothing sacred?!

Dah! For dangerous robots,

these guys sure do sing
a lot.

Yes, por favor,
get me off this ride!

Souvenir photos are available
in the gift shop!

That's if we even make it
to the gift shop.

Gift shop!

Hey! Remember when we were
remembering, remembering

about remembering here?

Now's our chance.

Let's get off this train
before it's too late.

I can't escape the hug,
it's too tight!

Come on!

Alert! Alert!

Pickle! No!

Alert! Alert!

You did not visit
the gift shop.

You must end your ride
at the gift shop.

Gift shop! Gift shop!

All I wanted was to relax!

All I wanted was
some action!!

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[grunts]

[panting]

I knew it.

[grunts]

...would.

My head...

UGH!!!!!

Visit the gift shop.

Visit the gift shop.

I'm coming Merl!

WHOO-HOO!

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[grunts]

I gotcha!

[giggles]

Visit the gift
shop...the gift shop...

Cool! Where'd you get that?

Oh this?

Oh I got it at the gift shop.

Now smile!

Look: that's where I fought
off the robots!

Hiya!

And there's where I was, uh...
I was unconscious.

Wasn't it relaxing?

Uh... I was unconscious.

Oh boy, it was the best
Fambily Vacation ever.

I want to do it again,
right now!

[panting]

[grunts]

Gull.

Again, you can NOT go
into the photos!

Oh, right.

Hehe, I keep forgetting.

Ahhh, it is good to be home.

Even though we never left.

I love our home.

Me too!

[Screaming]
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Nooooo!!

♪ That's why it's
a Family World! ♪