Endangered Species (2014–…): Season 1, Episode 19 - Borderline Nuts - full transcript

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♪ Let's go on
an adventure! ♪

♪ That isn't very wise! ♪

[laughs]

I love you guys.

Whaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

♪ This is getting crazier! ♪

♪ It's like we're
Endangered.... ♪

♪ Species! ♪

Woo!



[sniff]

Hiya, world!

You smell pret-

[gasp]

[grunts]

What's the dilly-o, Merl?

The "dilly-o" of which you
speak is that the outside,

it is not safe!

Mother Nature,
she is lurking.

Oh!

I loooove Mother Nature!

She gives the tinkliest
butterfly kisses

[giggle]

and the spine-bustin'-est
bear hugs!



[grunt]

[sighs]

Yeah!

We should totally reconnect with
Momma Nature by goin' camping!

WOOOHOO!

Camping's the last badge
I need

for my Jr. Gull
Scout collection.

This one's for Swamp Swimming,

and this one's
for Dookie Diving,

this one's for Getting Struck
By Lightning...

and this scorch mark's
for getting struck

by lightning twice!

To the camping,
I say no gracias!

The wilderness.

She is full of the dangers:
the ivy of poison, the thirst,

the hunger and the scary
hairy Bigfoot.

BOO!

[screams]
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Bigfoot, gee I'd sure like
to meet him, or her.

And if you don't want to go
to nature,

we'll just bring nature to-!

Ayayay!

We shall have no turning
of the stump

into an indoor campground!
Aw, phht,

[scoffs]

What gives ya the idea
I'd do something like that?

Let's go to the mountains!

Chairlift, no!

The beach!

Woaa!

The racetrack!

Under the sea!

AHH!

[screaming]

UGH!!!!

NO!

[sigh]

Good times...

The out of doors is called
that for a reason:

she stays out the door!

Hmmm...

This one's for Armpit Farting

the Jr. Gull Scout Salute
want to hear?

[fart sounds]

[snoring]

[alarm ringing]

Ahh!

[groans]

Huh?

I do not remember buying
the hopping clock,

and the jumping bed
and the bouncing room.

AHHH!

The Moles!

We must do the hiding.

The moles, they rise up
to rule us!

I will not kneel
before the moles!!!

NEVER!!!

Relax, Mr. Jumpypants.

Yeah, Merl, we're just drivin'
on a dirt road.

[screaming]
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[groans]

This one's for Trickin'
Out Rides.

You said we couldn't camp
in the stump,

so we turned the stump
into a camper

and brought it camping!
Pretty neat huh?

Uhh, who is driving?

I am...

Ooh...

[struggling]
We're going home!

[struggling]
We're going camping!

We are going home

[struggling]

Ooh ooh, let me try!

So, that happened.

AAHH!

Look around you Gull, Pickle,

she has sentenced us
all to doom!

Huh, doom is way nicer lookin'
than I thought.

We could starve out here,

and have to do the eating
of each other!

Oh, you simply must try
my rump,

that's where I'm juiciest.
[shudder]

We must return
to our home!

But Merl, we are home, sorta.

[babble]

[groan]

Hey! My junior Gull scout
guidebook!

Hey hey hey!

Welcome to Camp StumpyFun!

As camp recreational director

I've got lots of awesome
activities planned!

Time for our dirt-bike
nature hike!

Dirt?!

Oooh... sounds fancy!

Merl says no.

I wanna see how many bugs
I can catch with my face!

We must think like
the survivor yes,

we must spot the dangers,
we must build the shelter!

Wow, Merl, you're gonna earn

your Jr. Gull Scout badges
in no time.

Hey, look Merl would those
leaves be good for your hut.

Yes!

WE SHALL SURVIVE!

Uh...

Gull...

the leaves...

What kind are they?

Ivy leaves!

Wait--

Poi-son ivy leaves.

Oh hey, guess we just spotted
a danger, huh Merl?

Ai-yi-yi!

Muy picante!!!

Oh! Must scratch the itchies,
yes?!!

[grunting]

Ah, I make el-scratchioni
on this strange pile of dirt.

[sighs]

Ooh! Hey!

I think I saw that in
my book, Merl.

It's a... ...fire...
ant... hill?

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh... And that's a
...stinging... nettle... patch.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And THAT... it's
something called

Ah! "Poi-son oak."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know right!

I'd totally scream too
for joy!

Cuz you just earned
your Danger Ranger badge!

AHH!

A beehive!

Great job, Merl!

Water fight!

[gasp]

I call hosies!!!

The water? But she is precious.

If we run out we will
be drinking our sweat,

our tears, our...

[peeing sound]

peepee.

[scoffs ]

The stump's got
plenty of water.

The water, she can be found
by digging into the ground.

GULL! This one's for hose
wrangling.

[grunt]

Make with the shoveling.

No problemo, Merl.

This one's for Hole Diggin'!

UGH!!!!!

Bullseye!

Having fun yet?

[groans]

This deep enough for you,
Merl?

[scream]
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

WOW!

That is the most awesome geyser
I've ever seen!

I call it "Old Faceful!"

[scream]

[groan]

[yelps]

UGH!!!!!!

Ohh, Sorry, Merl.

Not enough for
the Belly-Flop badge.

But I know you'll love
trying it again!

Whoa ah ah!

AHHH!!

Let's shoot some wildlife...

Maybe I can get a shot
of Bigfoot!

[GASP]

Bigfoot!

I almost forgotemente.

The perimeter, she must
be secured with the traps!

A redwing blackbird!

We should be protecting
ourselves from wildlife!

A white tailed deer!

Ooh that foolish bunny,

she is not understanding
of the dangers

that live in these woods:

the spider, the snake,
the--

Hey there!

You new to the neighborhood?

BIGFOOT!!!

I brought welcome muffins.

[scream]
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw...

[scream]
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[yelp]

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice one Merl,

you just earned the trap
tester badge!

A black and blue squirrel!

Give me pain!

Ooh!

Give me frustration!

Now give me rage!

Nice job Merl,I've worked
with better, but not many.

Whatcha up to, Merl?

I light the signal fire
for the rescuing of us, yes.

But the book, she says I am
needing the kin-de-ling.

You need to get more sticks,
Merl!

Thank you Pickle, but I'm
sure everything I need

to light a fire is right here
in this book.

[gasp]

Like you said, everything we
need is right here in my book.

OH NO!

Oh yeah!

And here's something else
I got a badge for:

[farts loudly]

GULL!

This one is for methane magic.

Ooh!

Is it campfire song time
now?

♪ Oh we love camping
úcause it's fun, ♪

♪ cause it's fun and-! ♪

[SCREAMS]
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I the only one who is taking
our surviving el seriouso???

H'AARGGH!

Adios muchachos!

I will send the rescuing
for you

when I reach el civilationé
myself!

Bye Merl!

Smells good, hehe,
mind if I join?

[gasps]

Smile!

Soo, uh...

You guys need to get
that down?

[groans]

The hunger! She strikes.

Start with my rump, you simply
must try my rump,

that's where I'm juiciest.

Ohhh, so hungry!

Delirious....



Dude, you should totally
go home!

Your idea is good,
Señor Nutty-Buddy.

How do I do such a thing?

Simple, bro: swim!!!

Viva la fish-y libré!

NOOOOO!!!!!

There you are Merl,

we were looking all over for ya!

[groans]

[sighs]

There there pal,
all's well that ends well.

[gasp]

Oh yeah, say hello
to our new roomie.

What do you say broseph?

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aww, I guess he finally found
his love of the outdoors.

♪ Oh we love camping
úcause it's fun, ♪

♪ cause it's fun and
fun and fun, ♪

♪ we're in nature-! ♪

[terrified]
Ahhhhh!

Ah, silly me!

I forgot I was keeping these
guys in your nut puffaroos!

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

[splutters]

[squeals]!

No more I can take!!!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

More? Oh well.

Seems kinda greedy,
but...okay!

Here's more!

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Ugh, silly me!

I forgot I was keeping these
guys in your nut puffaroos!

[grunts]

Looks like you need
a top up!

[whimpers]

Ergh, silly me!

I forgot I was keeping these
guys in your nut puffaroo-

What's going on?

What's with all the screaming...

and repeating of dialogue?

[yawning] You
woke me up...

Brrrrrr.

Gull! How dare you bring
the creepy crawlers

inside of the Stump!

[gasps]

I command you to get
rid of them, immediamente!

[gasps]

But they're my friends!

[gag]

The only way the "friends" of
you can stay in the stump,

is in...a cage!

A...a...a cage?!

Did you say "CAGE"?

Yes, I did.

I said, "cage!"

Hmm, just checking.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[gasps]

Oh Rabbits.

Always screaming in terror
and fainting.

Pickle, are you ok?

Huh?

Yeah.

It's just I don't really like
cages very much.

Well I on the other paw,
love the cages.

There is something about
the safety and security

that I really like.

So! We shall get as many cages--

I said NO CAGES!

Ohhh-kaaay.

So the cages,
you hate them.

But what about me,
terribly fear of the bugs

and the creepy crawlies?

[sharp intake]

See! I have the sad eyes.

The flashback!

She begins now.

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That didn't happen.

Now, since I hate the bugs
so mucho mucho.

I insist they be caged!

[scream]
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Cages!

Never...

again!

Why do you hate cages
so much Pickle?

Uh...

um...

[sheepishly] Just the cages
stop you from having fun

and playing around,

they-- keep you--

locked up.

Pickle don't like anything
taking away her freedom.

[crazy mutter]

Ohh, you just need to relax.

Here let me give you
a nice, calming,

shoulder massage.

[long scream]
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Tsst! I can feel
the tension.

Gull! I--

[soothing]
Shhhh.

Hush now, no worries.

Feel the stress leave
your shoulders,

listen to the calming sounds
of the whale song.

Ahh, so beautiful,
so mysterious...

I wonder what it means?

Get these things
OFF OF ME!

[SIGH]

Guess we'll never know.
Aw, huh...

Aw Merl...I'm sorry for
bringing my pals into the stump,

but I can't help it!

They're just so cute!

[screams]

So that's where you went,
Leggy!

I thought you were never
gonna come out

of Merl's underwear drawer!

How can I feel safe,
if the bugs...

they are crawling around
everywhere?!

Hmmm ok.

I guess a few small
cages wouldn't be too bad.

Cages! Cages!

Too many cages!

Well Pickle, isn't it glorious?

[squeaky] Too
many cages!

Ah-ah-ah-ahhh.

What is this you have here
muchacho?

[gasps]

Uh-uhhh, n-nothing Merl...

bahh-I swear...

it's just a little, itty bitty
wormy is all.

Awwww.

El serpente muy squeezate!

[gasps]

[struggles]

It! Won't!

Budge!

The oxygen...she is not
so much!

Freeeeeedooooom!

[screams]
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[laughs]

Uno momento, por favor!

Oooooo... It's really nothing
this time, Merl!

It's just a teeny, weeny buggy!

Hmmm.

Ohhh, see?

It's just a wriggly stick
with legs!

And burny-owie saliva,

OWWWWW!

It BURNS!

IT BURNS!

Muy sizzlate!

IT BURNS!

[SCREAMS]
AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Uh... But Merl!

It's just uh, a football!

[whimpers]

Here Merl! Go long!

[crash sounds]

As in all things,
the cage...

she solves every problem!

No!

The cage...she has
let me down!

Cages!

Everything must go
into cages!

[grunts]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[high pitched]
cages.

♪ I am so happy and free ♪

♪ A free, free bunny
who just loves ♪

♪ her Freeeeeedom! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

[sniffing]

Ohh...Something bad's
gonna happen!

[munching sounds]

Shhhh! Gull!

Oh, sorry.

[gasps]

[screams continuous]
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm...

Huh?

Ya new in lockdown?

Don't worry, First Timer, you'll
be fine once you get used to

all the endless hours of stale
prison clichés, um-hmm.

I'm a wise old timer, doing
some wh-wh-whittling

while I play my harmonica.



Freeeeedooooommmmm!

[whimper]

[grunt]

Finally!

All the 'pets', they are
now stored away!

Pickle, you are smiling, yes?

This, it means
you feel better?

[SHRIEK]

Well? Do you feel
better or not?!

FREEEEEDOM!

FREEEEED--!

Uh, ah, wait...

FREEEDOOOM!

[stifled screams]

FREEEE I SAY!

Free!

[maniacal laughs]

[muttered]
Freedom!

[struggle]

This...she cannot
get worse.

Oh...so that's an electric
eel.

[groans]

Ahh!

Merl...meet Snippy
McPoison-Claw!

I just know you guys'll
be pals!

[whimpers]

I did it.

I DIIIID IT!

Guys? Kinda ruining the moment.

[screams]
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is more like it!

This...is a nightmare!

No...this is a Nightmare!

Nightmare the boa constrictor!
[giggles]

The name's just coincidence.

[whimpers]

AHHHHH!

Enoughissimo!

[screams]

NO!

What are you doing?!

Yah Ha!

I feel mucho safer in here...

than I do...out there!

Get out of that horrible cage!

No. If Merl cannot be safe,
inside the stump,

outside the cage.

Then Merl will live...
safe inside the cage...

outside the stump?

Inside the stump.

Obviously I wouldn't live
outside the stump, hmmph.

Who's living where now?

Merl, in the cage.

Oh cool!

Not cool!

Living in a cage is not
the answer Merl.

Everyone needs their freedom,

you gotta be free Merl!

Huh, you are free
to be free,

but I Merl choose the cage.

All these Gull creepy crawlies
and the Pickle freedoms,

it is too dangerosso.

Something bad is
going to happen.

Mark my words...

You couldn't be more
wrong Merl.

Yeah Merl, this itty bitty
little buggy friend

couldn't hurt a fly

[chuckles]...

Awww, what could possibly
go wrong?

Well, I hate to be
the 'Mr I told you so'.

Buuuuttt...

I told you so!

How is the freedom working
now Pickle?

Yeah well I guess you might
be right.

Freeedoooom!

Mmm-kay, sure.

And you Gull,

are you enjoying having all your
'little buggy friends' around?

My brain is tingly.

So yes then?

And where is Merl?

Safe... and sound...

and contento.

Who will be crowned, the
'World's Greatest Duster'?

I have been waiting the months
to find out who wins!

Hey!

[sigh]

--marathon continues
with our next episode,

'Creepy Crawlies Gone Wild'.

What, nooo!

I do not want to watch
the 'creepy crawly' channel!

(Pickle): Oh come on Merl,
relax.

Go with the flowww.

(Merl): Noooo.

I WANT MY FREEEEDOOOOMMMM!