Empty Nest (1988–1995): Season 7, Episode 17 - And Kevin Makes Three - full transcript
- Hold on there.
Do you speak English?
- My god.
Now, don't nobody panic.
Now, sit down,
sit down, sit down.
Okay, did your water break?
No comprendo.
... agua
did your agua breako?
- Como?
- Como. Okay, good.
Now we're gettin' somewhere.
Dr. Weston, Dr. Douglas!
I think we've got an emergency.
What is it, Laverne?
Well, I think
she's goin' into labor.
- Don't worry.
The doctors are here now.
Laverne, they need
change for the parking meter.
And I'm sure
they can break a twenty.
Here's your quarter,
and, if it means anything,
her pulse is a little high.
Excuse me. "Loca",
what did he say?
He said thank you
for the quarter.
No problemo.
Y'all, I am sorry about this.
You know, Laverne,
I think it time
you learned Spanish
before somebody
asks you what time it is
and we end up
taking out their gallbladder.
Laverne, why don't you
get some language tapes?
Come on! You'll
pick it up in no time.
You know, doctor,
that is a good idea.
Then I'll finally understand
what Ricky's chatterin' about
when Lucy crushes
Maurice chevalier's hat.
No problemo.
♪ Life goes on
♪ and so do we...
♪ ...one by one
♪ we fill the days
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need
♪ rain or shine
♪ I'll be the one...
♪ ...we share it all
♪ as life goes on
- Good.
- Daddy...
Here's the list
of things not to talk about
when Kevin gets here:
Politics, religion,
my first marriage,
his first marriage,
IBM versus macintosh...
And whatever you do,
don't stare at his gray tooth.
Honey, honey, relax.
I'm not gonna embarrass you
in front of your new boyfriend.
- Relax?
What are you talking about?
I am relaxed.
And where the hell is Sophia?
Kevin's gonna
be here any minute.
Carol, calm down.
Daddy, I just want
everything to be perfect.
So, is gray tooth here yet?
- No.
And don't call him that.
And where's Scotty?
He's upstairs watching
his Aladdin tape with dumbo.
Sophia, dumbo isn't in Aladdin.
I know that.
I mean
he's watching it with Charley.
No. The last time
those two were together,
Charley taught him to make
that vulgar armpit noise.
That wasn't Charley, it was me.
Wanna learn?
Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol.
Relax.
Scotty's gonna like Kevin
and Kevin's gonna like Scotty.
Kevin's gonna like me.
I'm gonna like Kevin.
Everybody’s
gonna like everybody.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We are the world.
That's him.
And, daddy, whatever you do,
don't ask him
how much money he makes
or what he does for a living.
He might think that you think
that he and I are going to...
- Get married.
- No! Don't say that.
All right, all right,
all right, I won't say it.
But I have to warn you,
sometimes my lips
move when I pray.
- Kevin, hi.
- Hi, Carol.
Kevin?
This is my father, Harry.
- Kevin, it's a pleasure.
Our friend Sophia.
- Hi.
- So, you gonna marry her?
Sophia!
What? I didn't say
anything about his tooth.
Kevin, sit down.
So, Kevin...
What is it
that you do for a Liv...?
Lift.
You know, when you're down,
how do you
pick yourself up again?
Well, I don't
do drugs or anything,
if that's what you're asking.
And for one thing, they sort
of frown on it on at my job.
You have a job?
Not that it matters.
I mean, what you do
is your own business.
I'm an airline pilot.
That pays good money.
Daddy!
I didn't ask, he told me.
May I say something?
It's obvious that
we're all feeling anxious,
which is in turn making
an already awkward situation
even more uncomfortable.
So why don't we
just acknowledge the fact
that we're all embarrassed
and we'll feel better?
I'm not embarrassed.
- I'm not embarrassed.
Sophia?
- Don't look at me.
It was the dog.
- So, anyone for yahtzee?
- Mommy, come here.
There's mommy's big boy!
There's my boy.
Scotty...
I have someone
I want you to meet.
Scotty...
This is Kevin.
- Hey.
Hey, I know who you are.
- What?
- You're Joe Montana.
I "cotty."
You're Scotty.
I'll tell you what, Scotty.
Wanna go outside
and play some catch?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yes, Kevin.
It'll give you boys
a chance
to discuss your feelings
of mutual uncertainty.
I don't know about this, daddy.
Scotty's a little
shy with strangers.
Honey, I don't think you have
anything to worry about.
Look, look at that.
Look. They're playing.
They're laughing.
They're bonding.
This is more
than I could have hoped for.
Lucky me.
Lucky, lucky, lucky Carol.
Hey, lucky, now they're poking
a dead gopher with a stick.
- Ew.
Daddy!
A dead gopher?
Hey! I wanna see!
Hey, Laverne!
How's the Spanish coming?
Muy bien.
These tapes are terrific.
That's great. So...
El espanol no es dificil.
- Okay.
Give me a second.
El espan...
No yos dia.
She bread...
I we... e-t-o.
Am I close?
Spanish is not difficult.
- Maybe for you.
- No, no, no, no.
That's what I just said.
"Spanish is not difficult."
What is the use?
I ain't never
gonna learn Spanish.
And ain't it ironic
seein' as how
I'm so extra good at English?
It's a gold darn mystery,
dadgummit.
Hey, Laverne, when I took
Spanish in college,
the instructor wanted us
to think in Spanish.
So he didn't allow anyone
to speak a word of English
in his classroom.
So that's how you learned
to speak Spanish so well.
No. I got a job
in a Mexican restaurant.
Lot of good that does me.
I don't have time to take on
a second minimum wage job.
Laverne,
why don't you and Maxine
come over
to my place on Saturday
and we'll help you practice?
- Doctor, that's mighty nice.
All right.
Dr. Douglas,
you bring the chips,
I'll bring the salsa,
and we'll have
ourselves a siesta.
Vaya con carne.
Go with meat.
- Hey!
How was the carnival?
We had a blast,
didn't we, Carol?
Well, to be honest,
I'm still a little upset.
I can't shake
the image of my hips
in that fun house mirror.
- Hey, Scotty.
Let's show grandpa
how well
we drove the bumper cars.
Go on.
Yes, that's right.
Scotty and Kevin bumped mommy
over and over and over again.
I can't believe
bumper cars are so dangerous.
Well, Carol. You never should
have gotten out of the car.
No, I never should have
stopped to pick up my shoe.
I can't believe they gave
that hateful little girl
a stuffed animal for ramming me.
Sounds like you had a big day.
I should have warned you
about Carol and bumper cars.
How is she with
basketball games?
- What?
- Well, I was saving this,
but I've got a big surprise.
The Knicks are playing the heat
and tonight's family night.
Guess who's got three tickets.
That should a great game.
- How about it, Scotty?
Wanna see some hoops?
- No, no, no, Kevin.
- Scotty's been out all day.
And, besides, I have
a nice quiet evening at home
planned for us.
Listen to this:
Hot chocolate and origami.
And mommy knows how Scotty
loves hot chocolate.
Don't you, Scotty?
Hoops. Hoops.
- Hey, there you go.
There's my boy.
Sounds like he really
wants to go, Carol.
What do you say?
Let's just go,
and if he gets tired,
we'll come back early.
Carol, excuse me.
These are fifth row,
center court.
I mean, they're close enough
to smell Patrick ewing's sweat.
Well, tempting as that sounds,
why don't you
and Scotty go without me?
Let's just forget it.
We don't need to go
to the basketball game.
- No!
Excuse me. I mean...
These tickets are... I mean,
the heat and the Knicks.
And, I mean, it's Patrick ewing.
- Daddy's right.
Go to the game
and have a good time.
- Thanks, hon.
Scotty, mommy's gonna get
your blanky and your Teddy.
It makes him feel better
when I'm not with him.
You know, Harry,
I never would have guessed
how rewarding
it is to be a parent.
Not that Scotty's
my son of course,
but I think
I'm starting to understand
what it feels
like to be a father.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, absolutely.
Can I go to the basketball game?
- Sure.
- That's great.
So is my little champ
ready to go?
- You bet!
I'll just get my jacket.
There we go.
Carol.
Boy, were you ever right.
Kevin is a wonderful guy.
- Yes, he is.
Isn't he?
Yeah, and Scotty
really likes him.
I have never
seen the boy so happy.
You know?
Yes, Carol dear.
Way to dig, kiddo.
Whoo.
All right, Scotty.
Mommy's got your blanky.
Scotty?
Honey? You forgot
your blanky and your...
Bye-bye, baby.
All right. I told you
I had a surprise for you.
Here it is.
Hot chocolate and origami.
That's gotta be
some hot chocolate
to give me an origami.
- No, Sophia.
We're folding paper.
I don't care how I get there
as long as I get there.
I can't believe
you invited us all over here
to fold paper.
- Come on, Carol.
Is something wrong?
No, nothing's wrong.
I just thought
this would be a good excuse
for us girls to get together.
Why?
- Why?
Because daddy and Kevin
took Scotty
to a basketball game.
Now, the basic principle
behind origami...
Which basketball game?
I don't know.
Some team with Larry hagman.
Larry hagman?
- Wait a minute.
I can get this.
Larry hagman.
Dallas.
J.r. Ewing...
Could she possibly
mean Patrick ewing?
- Yes.
I think that was it.
Anyway...
Doctor, that was uncanny.
You are a regular Larry Holmes.
Tsk, Sherlock Holmes.
Now do William shatner.
Anyway...
Let me show you a few examples
of what we can do.
Man.
I would love to be at that game.
Hey, why don't we go down
there and see if we can get in?
Sophia, I didn't know
you liked basketball.
- I don't.
I just really hate being here.
Forget about basketball.
Look at my creations.
Now...
Here's a man...
And a little boy
having a good time.
And here's a woman
all alone feeling ignored.
Isn't this fun?
Now, let's all make something.
We'll start
with something simple.
Tear drops.
Okay.
This isn't about origami, is it?
Maxine. I was hoping
I could fold my sorrows away.
It's Kevin.
- Duh.
- Doctor...
Sorry.
What about Kevin?
I'm just really concerned
about his relationship
with Scotty.
I thought
they were gettin' along great.
- Well, they are.
It's just that...
They're getting along so well,
I feel like
there's no room for me.
Carol, you're his mama.
They'll always be room for you.
You should be happy
this thing is working out.
That boy will love you
his whole life.
You really think so, Sophia?
Sure.
And then when you're 75,
he'll dump you
in a retirement home to rot.
And if you're lucky, at 74
you'll get hit by a beer truck.
Hey, Dr. Douglas,
can you believe he expects us
to talk nothin' but Spanish?
Brother.
I feel like I'm trapped
in one of them TV channels
with the really high numbers.
Not you too.
How did you
learn to speak Spanish?
What's so funny?
Y'all makin' fun
of my blouse, aren't you?
My mama made this blouse.
I can't help it if my mama
no El sew-so hot...
Quieres cafe?
Cafe. that's coffee. Right?
Yeah.
- Como?
Yes, I'll have some coffee.
No comprendo ingles.
- Si, si, si.
Y'all comprendo that?
Quieres jabon en tu cafe?
Yeah. si.
Jabon...
Si.
Gracias.
See? I'm startin'
to get the hang of this.
What did you put in my coffee?
Jabon.
That's soap!
I thought you said milk.
You think that's so funny.
No comprendo ingles.
Laverne, you did it.
Did what?
You spoke Spanish.
You didn't even think about it.
You just did it.
I did, didn't I?
Harry, she called me an idiot.
I know. That shows
a high comprehension level.
Thank you.
Now, could we all speak English
for a while now?
No mas, no mas.
Ay, ay, ay.
That's the last time
I eat the worm.
- Okay, Scotty.
Time for your nap.
Sophia's ready to...
- No!
Honey, that's not nice.
Sophia came all the way over here
'cause you wanted her
to read you a bedtime story.
No!
Scotty,
if you take your nap now,
then we can go
to the movies later.
Okay.
- Okay.
Good boy.
Well, you certainly
know how to charm him.
- Yeah.
- We're old buds now.
Sweetie, what do you
think about this movie?
No. It's much too violent
for a child Scotty's age.
Carol, it's
a cartoon about a beaver.
Well, Peter Pan
was a cartoon too,
but I was very traumatized
by it as a child.
You thought
captain hook was that scary?
- No.
Don't be ridiculous.
I was traumatized
by Wendy's humiliation
at being forced to fly all
over London in her nightgown.
Boy, what movie did you see?
Sorry.
Kevin, I know you think
I'm being silly,
but it's very important that
I monitor what Scotty sees.
- Carol, come on.
It's rated "g."
- That's right.
"G" as in:
Gee, I don't think
he should see that movie.
But I think he can handle it.
Well, you're not
his parent, are you?
No, no, I'm not.
- Well, good.
I'm glad we cleared that up.
I was beginning to wonder.
I'm sorry.
I thought you wanted
Scotty and me
to have a close relationship.
- Well, I did.
But...
Well, maybe I should just
back off here a little bit.
Well, maybe you should.
Okay then.
I guess I'll see ya.
Okay.
Okay.
Tell Scotty I'm sorry.
- Hey, sweetheart.
Carol?
Whoa, Carol, babe,
what's the matter?
I think
Kevin and I just broke up.
Carol. No!
I love that guy.
So do I.
I'm sorry, baby.
Muchas gracias.
Adios, charlene.
- I'm sorry.
I am Pakistani.
I don't speak Spanish.
They law,
I reckon I am yappin' away
like a hungry pup, ain't I?
I'm sorry.
I don't speak whatever
language that is either.
Muy bien.
You know, your Spanish
is really improving.
I'm proud of you.
I know it wasn't easy.
Gracias.
El espanol no es dificil.
- Right.
Would you file
these insurance papers
for me please?
Tu eres UN medico.
That's right.
I am a doctor.
Now, would you...?
That's nice.
Now, would you...
Shut up.
Never mind.
I'll do it myself.
Adios.
What are you doing?
If I stop chewing, I will die.
- What is this?
Origami food?
All right, all right.
Tell aunt Sophia all about it.
It's Kevin.
I'm miserable.
I miss him so much.
I just don't know what to do
to get us back together.
Why don't you
show him your breasts?
Sophia...
- What?
You're young, they're nice.
Please.
- What a mess.
I'll get the vacuum.
- No need.
Dreyfuss.
Kevin.
- Hi, Carol.
Carol, you look...
Terrible.
- So do you.
- I'm sorry.
Ever since we broke up,
I've been a wreck.
I've been doing
nothing but running.
Me too.
Carol, look, I'm sorry.
I think I was
just trying too hard.
And... and
I really overreacted.
I just wanted to show you that
Scotty and I could get along.
And that's really what I wanted.
I mean, what I want.
I guess I just got jealous.
I know it sounds petty,
but I can't help the way I felt.
It just all happened so fast.
Maybe I overstepped my bounds.
Well, you know what?
Maybe we could try it again.
Only this time maybe we could
just go a little slower.
That's a great idea.
Would it be pushing things
if we renamed him Kevin junior?
Just a bit.
- Kevin.
- Look, Scotty.
Kevin's here.
Kevin.
We missed you so much.
It's so good to have you back.
Mommy, come here.
Carol, shh.
I just read him
a Dr. Seuss book
and he's sound asleep.
Really? He's been
so hyper all day.
I never thought
you'd get him to go down.
He finished his bottle,
and he went out like a light.
Come here.
I want you to see.
Do you speak English?
- My god.
Now, don't nobody panic.
Now, sit down,
sit down, sit down.
Okay, did your water break?
No comprendo.
... agua
did your agua breako?
- Como?
- Como. Okay, good.
Now we're gettin' somewhere.
Dr. Weston, Dr. Douglas!
I think we've got an emergency.
What is it, Laverne?
Well, I think
she's goin' into labor.
- Don't worry.
The doctors are here now.
Laverne, they need
change for the parking meter.
And I'm sure
they can break a twenty.
Here's your quarter,
and, if it means anything,
her pulse is a little high.
Excuse me. "Loca",
what did he say?
He said thank you
for the quarter.
No problemo.
Y'all, I am sorry about this.
You know, Laverne,
I think it time
you learned Spanish
before somebody
asks you what time it is
and we end up
taking out their gallbladder.
Laverne, why don't you
get some language tapes?
Come on! You'll
pick it up in no time.
You know, doctor,
that is a good idea.
Then I'll finally understand
what Ricky's chatterin' about
when Lucy crushes
Maurice chevalier's hat.
No problemo.
♪ Life goes on
♪ and so do we...
♪ ...one by one
♪ we fill the days
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need
♪ rain or shine
♪ I'll be the one...
♪ ...we share it all
♪ as life goes on
- Good.
- Daddy...
Here's the list
of things not to talk about
when Kevin gets here:
Politics, religion,
my first marriage,
his first marriage,
IBM versus macintosh...
And whatever you do,
don't stare at his gray tooth.
Honey, honey, relax.
I'm not gonna embarrass you
in front of your new boyfriend.
- Relax?
What are you talking about?
I am relaxed.
And where the hell is Sophia?
Kevin's gonna
be here any minute.
Carol, calm down.
Daddy, I just want
everything to be perfect.
So, is gray tooth here yet?
- No.
And don't call him that.
And where's Scotty?
He's upstairs watching
his Aladdin tape with dumbo.
Sophia, dumbo isn't in Aladdin.
I know that.
I mean
he's watching it with Charley.
No. The last time
those two were together,
Charley taught him to make
that vulgar armpit noise.
That wasn't Charley, it was me.
Wanna learn?
Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol.
Relax.
Scotty's gonna like Kevin
and Kevin's gonna like Scotty.
Kevin's gonna like me.
I'm gonna like Kevin.
Everybody’s
gonna like everybody.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We are the world.
That's him.
And, daddy, whatever you do,
don't ask him
how much money he makes
or what he does for a living.
He might think that you think
that he and I are going to...
- Get married.
- No! Don't say that.
All right, all right,
all right, I won't say it.
But I have to warn you,
sometimes my lips
move when I pray.
- Kevin, hi.
- Hi, Carol.
Kevin?
This is my father, Harry.
- Kevin, it's a pleasure.
Our friend Sophia.
- Hi.
- So, you gonna marry her?
Sophia!
What? I didn't say
anything about his tooth.
Kevin, sit down.
So, Kevin...
What is it
that you do for a Liv...?
Lift.
You know, when you're down,
how do you
pick yourself up again?
Well, I don't
do drugs or anything,
if that's what you're asking.
And for one thing, they sort
of frown on it on at my job.
You have a job?
Not that it matters.
I mean, what you do
is your own business.
I'm an airline pilot.
That pays good money.
Daddy!
I didn't ask, he told me.
May I say something?
It's obvious that
we're all feeling anxious,
which is in turn making
an already awkward situation
even more uncomfortable.
So why don't we
just acknowledge the fact
that we're all embarrassed
and we'll feel better?
I'm not embarrassed.
- I'm not embarrassed.
Sophia?
- Don't look at me.
It was the dog.
- So, anyone for yahtzee?
- Mommy, come here.
There's mommy's big boy!
There's my boy.
Scotty...
I have someone
I want you to meet.
Scotty...
This is Kevin.
- Hey.
Hey, I know who you are.
- What?
- You're Joe Montana.
I "cotty."
You're Scotty.
I'll tell you what, Scotty.
Wanna go outside
and play some catch?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yes, Kevin.
It'll give you boys
a chance
to discuss your feelings
of mutual uncertainty.
I don't know about this, daddy.
Scotty's a little
shy with strangers.
Honey, I don't think you have
anything to worry about.
Look, look at that.
Look. They're playing.
They're laughing.
They're bonding.
This is more
than I could have hoped for.
Lucky me.
Lucky, lucky, lucky Carol.
Hey, lucky, now they're poking
a dead gopher with a stick.
- Ew.
Daddy!
A dead gopher?
Hey! I wanna see!
Hey, Laverne!
How's the Spanish coming?
Muy bien.
These tapes are terrific.
That's great. So...
El espanol no es dificil.
- Okay.
Give me a second.
El espan...
No yos dia.
She bread...
I we... e-t-o.
Am I close?
Spanish is not difficult.
- Maybe for you.
- No, no, no, no.
That's what I just said.
"Spanish is not difficult."
What is the use?
I ain't never
gonna learn Spanish.
And ain't it ironic
seein' as how
I'm so extra good at English?
It's a gold darn mystery,
dadgummit.
Hey, Laverne, when I took
Spanish in college,
the instructor wanted us
to think in Spanish.
So he didn't allow anyone
to speak a word of English
in his classroom.
So that's how you learned
to speak Spanish so well.
No. I got a job
in a Mexican restaurant.
Lot of good that does me.
I don't have time to take on
a second minimum wage job.
Laverne,
why don't you and Maxine
come over
to my place on Saturday
and we'll help you practice?
- Doctor, that's mighty nice.
All right.
Dr. Douglas,
you bring the chips,
I'll bring the salsa,
and we'll have
ourselves a siesta.
Vaya con carne.
Go with meat.
- Hey!
How was the carnival?
We had a blast,
didn't we, Carol?
Well, to be honest,
I'm still a little upset.
I can't shake
the image of my hips
in that fun house mirror.
- Hey, Scotty.
Let's show grandpa
how well
we drove the bumper cars.
Go on.
Yes, that's right.
Scotty and Kevin bumped mommy
over and over and over again.
I can't believe
bumper cars are so dangerous.
Well, Carol. You never should
have gotten out of the car.
No, I never should have
stopped to pick up my shoe.
I can't believe they gave
that hateful little girl
a stuffed animal for ramming me.
Sounds like you had a big day.
I should have warned you
about Carol and bumper cars.
How is she with
basketball games?
- What?
- Well, I was saving this,
but I've got a big surprise.
The Knicks are playing the heat
and tonight's family night.
Guess who's got three tickets.
That should a great game.
- How about it, Scotty?
Wanna see some hoops?
- No, no, no, Kevin.
- Scotty's been out all day.
And, besides, I have
a nice quiet evening at home
planned for us.
Listen to this:
Hot chocolate and origami.
And mommy knows how Scotty
loves hot chocolate.
Don't you, Scotty?
Hoops. Hoops.
- Hey, there you go.
There's my boy.
Sounds like he really
wants to go, Carol.
What do you say?
Let's just go,
and if he gets tired,
we'll come back early.
Carol, excuse me.
These are fifth row,
center court.
I mean, they're close enough
to smell Patrick ewing's sweat.
Well, tempting as that sounds,
why don't you
and Scotty go without me?
Let's just forget it.
We don't need to go
to the basketball game.
- No!
Excuse me. I mean...
These tickets are... I mean,
the heat and the Knicks.
And, I mean, it's Patrick ewing.
- Daddy's right.
Go to the game
and have a good time.
- Thanks, hon.
Scotty, mommy's gonna get
your blanky and your Teddy.
It makes him feel better
when I'm not with him.
You know, Harry,
I never would have guessed
how rewarding
it is to be a parent.
Not that Scotty's
my son of course,
but I think
I'm starting to understand
what it feels
like to be a father.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, absolutely.
Can I go to the basketball game?
- Sure.
- That's great.
So is my little champ
ready to go?
- You bet!
I'll just get my jacket.
There we go.
Carol.
Boy, were you ever right.
Kevin is a wonderful guy.
- Yes, he is.
Isn't he?
Yeah, and Scotty
really likes him.
I have never
seen the boy so happy.
You know?
Yes, Carol dear.
Way to dig, kiddo.
Whoo.
All right, Scotty.
Mommy's got your blanky.
Scotty?
Honey? You forgot
your blanky and your...
Bye-bye, baby.
All right. I told you
I had a surprise for you.
Here it is.
Hot chocolate and origami.
That's gotta be
some hot chocolate
to give me an origami.
- No, Sophia.
We're folding paper.
I don't care how I get there
as long as I get there.
I can't believe
you invited us all over here
to fold paper.
- Come on, Carol.
Is something wrong?
No, nothing's wrong.
I just thought
this would be a good excuse
for us girls to get together.
Why?
- Why?
Because daddy and Kevin
took Scotty
to a basketball game.
Now, the basic principle
behind origami...
Which basketball game?
I don't know.
Some team with Larry hagman.
Larry hagman?
- Wait a minute.
I can get this.
Larry hagman.
Dallas.
J.r. Ewing...
Could she possibly
mean Patrick ewing?
- Yes.
I think that was it.
Anyway...
Doctor, that was uncanny.
You are a regular Larry Holmes.
Tsk, Sherlock Holmes.
Now do William shatner.
Anyway...
Let me show you a few examples
of what we can do.
Man.
I would love to be at that game.
Hey, why don't we go down
there and see if we can get in?
Sophia, I didn't know
you liked basketball.
- I don't.
I just really hate being here.
Forget about basketball.
Look at my creations.
Now...
Here's a man...
And a little boy
having a good time.
And here's a woman
all alone feeling ignored.
Isn't this fun?
Now, let's all make something.
We'll start
with something simple.
Tear drops.
Okay.
This isn't about origami, is it?
Maxine. I was hoping
I could fold my sorrows away.
It's Kevin.
- Duh.
- Doctor...
Sorry.
What about Kevin?
I'm just really concerned
about his relationship
with Scotty.
I thought
they were gettin' along great.
- Well, they are.
It's just that...
They're getting along so well,
I feel like
there's no room for me.
Carol, you're his mama.
They'll always be room for you.
You should be happy
this thing is working out.
That boy will love you
his whole life.
You really think so, Sophia?
Sure.
And then when you're 75,
he'll dump you
in a retirement home to rot.
And if you're lucky, at 74
you'll get hit by a beer truck.
Hey, Dr. Douglas,
can you believe he expects us
to talk nothin' but Spanish?
Brother.
I feel like I'm trapped
in one of them TV channels
with the really high numbers.
Not you too.
How did you
learn to speak Spanish?
What's so funny?
Y'all makin' fun
of my blouse, aren't you?
My mama made this blouse.
I can't help it if my mama
no El sew-so hot...
Quieres cafe?
Cafe. that's coffee. Right?
Yeah.
- Como?
Yes, I'll have some coffee.
No comprendo ingles.
- Si, si, si.
Y'all comprendo that?
Quieres jabon en tu cafe?
Yeah. si.
Jabon...
Si.
Gracias.
See? I'm startin'
to get the hang of this.
What did you put in my coffee?
Jabon.
That's soap!
I thought you said milk.
You think that's so funny.
No comprendo ingles.
Laverne, you did it.
Did what?
You spoke Spanish.
You didn't even think about it.
You just did it.
I did, didn't I?
Harry, she called me an idiot.
I know. That shows
a high comprehension level.
Thank you.
Now, could we all speak English
for a while now?
No mas, no mas.
Ay, ay, ay.
That's the last time
I eat the worm.
- Okay, Scotty.
Time for your nap.
Sophia's ready to...
- No!
Honey, that's not nice.
Sophia came all the way over here
'cause you wanted her
to read you a bedtime story.
No!
Scotty,
if you take your nap now,
then we can go
to the movies later.
Okay.
- Okay.
Good boy.
Well, you certainly
know how to charm him.
- Yeah.
- We're old buds now.
Sweetie, what do you
think about this movie?
No. It's much too violent
for a child Scotty's age.
Carol, it's
a cartoon about a beaver.
Well, Peter Pan
was a cartoon too,
but I was very traumatized
by it as a child.
You thought
captain hook was that scary?
- No.
Don't be ridiculous.
I was traumatized
by Wendy's humiliation
at being forced to fly all
over London in her nightgown.
Boy, what movie did you see?
Sorry.
Kevin, I know you think
I'm being silly,
but it's very important that
I monitor what Scotty sees.
- Carol, come on.
It's rated "g."
- That's right.
"G" as in:
Gee, I don't think
he should see that movie.
But I think he can handle it.
Well, you're not
his parent, are you?
No, no, I'm not.
- Well, good.
I'm glad we cleared that up.
I was beginning to wonder.
I'm sorry.
I thought you wanted
Scotty and me
to have a close relationship.
- Well, I did.
But...
Well, maybe I should just
back off here a little bit.
Well, maybe you should.
Okay then.
I guess I'll see ya.
Okay.
Okay.
Tell Scotty I'm sorry.
- Hey, sweetheart.
Carol?
Whoa, Carol, babe,
what's the matter?
I think
Kevin and I just broke up.
Carol. No!
I love that guy.
So do I.
I'm sorry, baby.
Muchas gracias.
Adios, charlene.
- I'm sorry.
I am Pakistani.
I don't speak Spanish.
They law,
I reckon I am yappin' away
like a hungry pup, ain't I?
I'm sorry.
I don't speak whatever
language that is either.
Muy bien.
You know, your Spanish
is really improving.
I'm proud of you.
I know it wasn't easy.
Gracias.
El espanol no es dificil.
- Right.
Would you file
these insurance papers
for me please?
Tu eres UN medico.
That's right.
I am a doctor.
Now, would you...?
That's nice.
Now, would you...
Shut up.
Never mind.
I'll do it myself.
Adios.
What are you doing?
If I stop chewing, I will die.
- What is this?
Origami food?
All right, all right.
Tell aunt Sophia all about it.
It's Kevin.
I'm miserable.
I miss him so much.
I just don't know what to do
to get us back together.
Why don't you
show him your breasts?
Sophia...
- What?
You're young, they're nice.
Please.
- What a mess.
I'll get the vacuum.
- No need.
Dreyfuss.
Kevin.
- Hi, Carol.
Carol, you look...
Terrible.
- So do you.
- I'm sorry.
Ever since we broke up,
I've been a wreck.
I've been doing
nothing but running.
Me too.
Carol, look, I'm sorry.
I think I was
just trying too hard.
And... and
I really overreacted.
I just wanted to show you that
Scotty and I could get along.
And that's really what I wanted.
I mean, what I want.
I guess I just got jealous.
I know it sounds petty,
but I can't help the way I felt.
It just all happened so fast.
Maybe I overstepped my bounds.
Well, you know what?
Maybe we could try it again.
Only this time maybe we could
just go a little slower.
That's a great idea.
Would it be pushing things
if we renamed him Kevin junior?
Just a bit.
- Kevin.
- Look, Scotty.
Kevin's here.
Kevin.
We missed you so much.
It's so good to have you back.
Mommy, come here.
Carol, shh.
I just read him
a Dr. Seuss book
and he's sound asleep.
Really? He's been
so hyper all day.
I never thought
you'd get him to go down.
He finished his bottle,
and he went out like a light.
Come here.
I want you to see.