Empty Nest (1988–1995): Season 6, Episode 26 - Absence Makes the Nurse Grow Weirder - full transcript
After filling in at his old practice Harry falls for the new nurse. Meanwhile the day that Harry and Laverne first started working together dawns and she is upset that Harry totally forgot about it.
- Stethoscope.
- Check.
- Reflex hammer.
- Check.
- Crumb cake.
- Check.
Crumb cake?
A sponge cake
with crumbs on top.
Best when served
with steaming hot coffee
and a juicy piece of gossip...
I know what a crumb cake is.
Why am I putting it
in my medical bag?
You gon' be fillin' in at
the old office tomorrow, right?
- Yeah, so?
- So can't you run by maternity
and drop off a tasty
"howdy do" from Laverne?
- Fine, crumb cake.
- Okay...
The rice crispy treats
go to radiology.
Now I have everything I need!
You mean everything except me.
See you, Maxine, I'm outta here.
- All right, Harry.
See ya in a week.
A week?
That would be a week from today,
today being may 23.
Thank you, calendar woman.
What do you know?
He didn't remember
our anniversary.
Nine years workin' together.
Nine years.
One of you should be up
for parole.
Now, it happens to be
a special day for me.
See, Dr. Weston and I
have this little routine.
First he says,
"well, dear, looks like we made
it through another year."
And then I say,
with just a hint of weariness,
"yeah... looks like it."
Wow, that thing they do in
Times Square on new years Eve
just... pff,
pales by comparison.
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need...
♪ ...rain or shine
♪ I'll be the one...
♪ ...we share it all
♪ as life goes on
Wow! Boy, it's so great
to see you again, shay!
Remember now, say hello
to your husband for me.
Dr. Weston, I'm not married.
- That's right!
- I forgot, you got divorced.
You know, you're a lot different
from Dr. Tyler.
Well, give him some time, dear.
I've been at this
a little longer than he has.
No, I mean,
Dr. Tyler's really funny.
Bye-bye, Gale.
Thank you, dear.
- I think you're funny, Harry.
- Well, thank you, Denise.
Then again I've been known
to blow milk out of my nose
watching saved by the bell.
You too?
All right, come on, we're having
entirely too much fun here.
Let's, bring in
the next patient.
Sorry! We're fresh out
till after lunch.
No kidding!
The morning just flew by!
I know, I haven't had
this many laughs at work
since I was
"susy doosie, the party clown."
You used to work
children's parties.
Well... parties.
Gee, the place... I mean,
it's exactly the way I left it.
Although I must say
that Dr. Tyler has made
one major improvement.
Well, Harry,
you're embarrassing me.
- Yeah, that...
- Electric pencil sharpener.
Hey, you're not funny,
you're mean.
I'll make it up to you.
Let me buy you lunch
at the hospital cafeteria.
You're not mean, you're cruel.
Should we say
about 3:00?
Why so late?
I'm not hungry,
I ate a whole crumb cake
driving in this morning.
Sophia, that was too much fun!
I had no idea you were
such a savvy bargain huntress!
Hey, they don't call me
"cheap" 'cause I'm easy!
Or do they?
Ladies, do you mind?
I'm tryin' to watch
gilligan's island.
Simp! You're not watching
gilligan's island.
That's masterpiece theatre.
No wonder Mary Ann
sounds so stuck up.
Charley, I think you need
to get your eyes checked.
I have, they're brown.
- Can you read this headline?
- Sure.
Clinton wins election.
Wrong!
You mean bush got in?
- Charley, you can't read this!
You need glasses!
No! That's just great!
Although it does explain
the other night
when I sent those drinks over
to that table of hasidic guys.
So Charley, let me know when
you're ready to get your specs.
You know Olson who lives
next door to me at the home?
He used to be an optometrist.
Maybe I'll give him a call.
I should warn you,
he's a little weird.
He may wanna give you
a hernia test, too.
You know, read line four
and cough?
- Hi, everybody.
- Hello, daddy.
How was your day?
Did the little tykes beam
with delight
upon return of the gentle healer
who shaped their lives?
A baby peed on my tie.
It was so great seein'
the kids again,
and Dr. Tyler has hired
a terrific nurse.
A very... attractive lady,
named Denise.
So, daddy,
tell me about this Denise.
Well, she's very funny.
At lunch, she did
this wicked imitation
of shafer in pathology.
"Who smudged my slides?
Who smudged my slides?"
God, it was dead-on,
it was so... sh-shafer,
you know?
I mean, you know,
you have to know him.
But you don't.
It's... it's...
Never mind, come on.
Bottom line, Harry...
How's this nurse
in the hooter department?
Charley, I really don't
appreciate that kinda language.
I'm thinkin' about asking
this lady out.
Answers my question.
Daddy, you can't ask her out.
Why not?
Because you're her boss!
You... you could be flirting with
issues of sexual harassment.
Remember Clarence Thomas,
Bob packwood, Lydia hoffstetter?
Who's Lydia hoffstetter?
Who's Clarence Thomas?
Lydia hoffstetter was
the flannel-shirted manager
of the hamburger stand
I toiled at my senior year.
One day she invited me
to her home
to listen to her
Anne Murray records.
When I firmly,
yet sensitively, rebuffed her,
she demoted me
to the French-fryer.
I gained ten pounds that summer.
Oddly, it only made her
want me more.
- Morning, Harry.
- Morning, Denise.
Sorry I'm late.
Doing rounds at the hospital.
It took forever to swipe
a decent bouquet.
- There you go.
- Harry.
These will go so well
with my allergies.
I'm sorry.
- Kidding!
- All right.
You know, I don't usually
get flowers from my boss,
except when somebody
in my family dies.
You don't know something,
do you?
Only that I really
enjoy working with you.
Yeah, well,
I'm having a good time, too.
And, you know,
technically I'm not your boss.
Dr. Tyler's your boss.
I mean, if that ever
comes up in court.
What?
It's nothing,
nothing, nothing, nothing.
Okay, so listen...
I'm going to humiliate
myself now,
so try not to laugh too hard.
Wait, wait, wait, you're gonna
imitate shafer again.
Let me put the coffee down here.
No, no, no, Harry, Harry,
this isn't a joke.
Well, I just thought that
since you forced me to have
lunch with your yesterday
that I could return
the punishment
and make you dinner
tomorrow night.
- You're...
- You're asking me out.
You're right, bad idea.
Okay, here's shafer
walking into a bar.
No, no, no, no, no!
Please, don't!
No, I... I would love
to have dinner with you.
Can I bring anything?
- I could use a new couch.
- All right.
How 'bout wine?
Great! A case.
- This is great!
- Great.
Excuse me.
Could you tell Dr. Weston
that Laverne Todd
is here to see him?
Certainly. Harry,
Laverne is here to see you.
- "Harry"?
You call him "Harry"?
Laverne,
is everything all right?
It is now,
Mr. I-have-everything-i-need!
You forgot your lucky otoscope.
Otto!
So, doctor, before I traipse
all the way back across town,
is there anything
you forgot to tell me?
You sure there isn't anything
you wanna say?
Nothing really comes to mind,
but thanks for bringing Otto.
Don't mention it.
Daffodils! My favorite!
From your fella?
Actually, Harry gave them to me.
I'm sorry, someone
in your family passed on?
- No...
- Well, I mean, you know Harry.
He's just a big flirt.
Denise, please, come on.
Isn't he cute when he blushes?
He looks the same way
after he ties his shoes.
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it!
I don't believe it!
Well, I do.
What the hell
are you talkin' about?
I just come back
from the old office
where I witnessed
Dr. Harry Weston
a-carryin' on
with a floozy nurse.
So, what happened?
You walk in on Harry
and nursie knockin' boots?
Dr. Douglas.
Well, Laverne, so what if Harry
is having a little office fling?
What's it to you?
Well, it just hurts me
to see that man a-carryin' on
like a buffoon.
Over some nurse who isn't you?
Sounds like you're jealous.
Now, that is ridiculous!
Dr. Weston and I aren't
that way with each other.
Why not?
Birds do it.
Bees do it.
Why can't nurses and mds do it?
Elvis, how many times
have we been through this?
Now, you are on my side
of the bed.
Shoo!
Lordy, I am dog tired.
No offense, Elvis.
Well, dear, it looks like
we made it through another year.
Yeah... looks like it.
Meow.
Thank you.
I'm... sorry I'm so nervous.
I've never been
to a psychiatrist before.
Well, it's okay to be here,
miss Todd.
Now, please, go on.
Well, like I's sayin'...
What are you writing?
Just, making a note.
- Does anybody see that?
- No.
Then why are you writing it?
It's just part of
my normal procedure.
Unless I decide to sell it
to hard copy.
Well, let's go back
to your dream.
Look, I just wanna stop havin'
these feelings for Dr. Weston.
Can't you give me
a shot or somethin'?
You know, Laverne,
one dream doesn't mean
you're in love with someone.
Yeah?
What if I went back to bed
and dreamt about him again,
and again, and again, and again?
Professionally speaking...
Charley, what are you doing
with that book?
Reading.
No, seriously,
what are you doing?
Carol,
ever since I got these glasses,
whole new worlds
have opened up to me,
and I'm using
my newfound intellect
to finish
a rather compelling book...
Or as I like
to call it, "Tome."
That's a thesaurus, you dimwit!
Or "dolt."
Idiot!
Or "ignoramus."
Charley, are you aware that
you're making fun of yourself?
Or am I aware I'm engaging
in "self-deprecation."
Hi, honey.
- "Honey," term of endearment.
Or "snookums," "toots."
Or "arf," "yip," "woof."
So daddy, how was
your dinner with Denise?
It... it was okay.
She and I have different ideas
about what's... edible.
Is there anything
to heat up here?
My poor, hungry daddy!
Has my command
of all things culinary
ruined you for all other women?
Yeah.
I mean,
Denise is a terrible cook
but she...
She's a very nice person.
A very nice person?
That doesn't sound
very encouraging.
Well, I mean, she is, you know,
she's really very nice
and everything, it's...
I mean, the woman
would not stop doing jokes!
She was like henny youngman.
But daddy,
you love henny youngman.
But I don't wanna date him.
Anyway, once we got past
the laughs,
we just sorta ran outta things
to say.
Well, I warned you
about the intra-office liaison.
How are you gonna face her
tomorrow?
- Carol, it's no big deal.
So it didn't work out.
I mean, Denise and I
are mature adults.
I give up.
Carlsbad caverns.
I don't get it.
Stalactites!
- Stalactites!
- The thing that's hanging...
It's... it's...
That's really very cute.
Yeah.
Harry, I just wanted
to thank you
for a wonderful time last night.
I love cooking for you.
Really?
Well, you... you know,
and I...
You know, well, you're...
You're welcome.
Harry, I hope you don't mind
but I made you a little
something.
Thank you!
It's some sort of... food.
It's my famous COD sticks.
Well great, um...
Denise, I think you and I
should have a little talk.
You hate COD sticks.
No, I love... I love COD sticks!
I just want you to know
that I think you're
a really terrific person.
Well, I think
you're pretty terrific, too.
But you know, sometimes two
terrific people come together...
No! God!
This is a "dump speech,"
isn't it?
- No, no, no!
It's not that...
Not a "dump speech"!
It's the jokes, isn't it?
Well, I mean, you don't
have to be on all the time.
You know, I always let
you men do this to me.
I tell a couple of jokes,
you act like you're interested,
so I'm fooled into believing
everything's great,
and then it's always,
"sorry, Denise,
but you're just too darn funny."
Yeah, well,
hope we can still be friends.
Go to hell, Harry!
Well!
Shawna!
Nice to see you!
Where's your husband?
I'm not married!
I forgot! You got a divorce!
No, my mommy and daddy
got a divorce.
I'm sorry! Geez,
I didn't... I didn't know!
I didn't know!
I want Dr. Tyler back now!
Yes, we all do, dear!
Dr. Tyler... god!
I'm sorry I'm late,
Dr. Douglas.
I didn't hardly get
a wink of sleep last night.
Again?
Harry still
your "sleepy-time stallion"?
I knew I never should've
told you about that!
It's bad enough I've gotta
deal with it all night long.
Now I've gotta come to work
and hear it from you!
I'll never bring it up again.
So how was he?
Two words.
In... satiable.
Harry?
Laverne?
Maxine, good morning.
Well, if it isn't
the marathon man.
I just dropped by
to see Laverne.
She's in the lounge.
I forgot
our nine-year anniversary.
Is she... is she... is she mad?
You could say she's pretty hot.
Hi.
Laverne?
Laverne?
Well, dear, looks like
we made it through another year.
My god.
Wake up.
Wake up! Wake up!
- Whoa, whoa! Calm down!
I'm... I'm here.
Just me.
- Go away.
Please?
Look, I'm... I'm sorry
I missed our anniversary,
but I'm here now, so,
come on, what do you say?
Well, looks like we made it
through another year, dear.
I'm not sure we did,
and I don't think I can work
for you anymore.
- What? I don't...
I don't understand.
Okay, it's time I started dealin'
with my feelings head on.
Doctor, I love you, I think.
Say that again?
- I love...
- Don't say that again!
- Well, doctor, I'm serious!
- Well...
I... I... I don't know
what to say, Laverne.
I mean... I mean
I care about you, but...
I mean... how long have you
f-felt this way?
I guess since I saw you going
gaga over that other nurse.
It got me to wonderin' how come
you never made a pass at me.
Laverne, I just never
thought of you that way.
Are you sayin'
I ain't attractive?
- No! No! You're att...
You're attractive.
More.
You're... you're very pretty.
Well, what's wrong with you,
then?
- We're... we're friends.
Great friends.
You probably know more about me
than anybody else in the world!
- Of course I do.
That's my job.
- Yeah.
Now, I mean...
Can you really see you and me
crossing that line?
I mean, can you see us
in that position?
I don't mean "position."
I mean...
You know what I mean.
Well... I guess this
whole idea
did seem a whole lot more
appealin' to me
when you were in my dreams
instead of standin' right here
in front of me.
Under these harsh, unforgiving,
fluorescent lights.
- So you... you dreamt about me?
- Really?
Yeah...
Pretty silly?
But I mean that anniversary
thing got me so mad,
I couldn't stop thinkin'
about you,
and the next thing I knew,
my carnal appetite took over
and all hell broke loose.
Carnal appetite?
Yeah, that had to be it.
I mean... a young filly like me
and an ol' geezer like you.
Lordy,
now there's your odd couple!
Laverne, you're not
that much younger than I am.
Yeah, yeah, and roadkill don't
get flatter as time goes by.
But I guess
now I'm ready to say,
"we made it
through another year."
And you know, I couldn't
have done it without ya.
You!
How was it for you?
- Check.
- Reflex hammer.
- Check.
- Crumb cake.
- Check.
Crumb cake?
A sponge cake
with crumbs on top.
Best when served
with steaming hot coffee
and a juicy piece of gossip...
I know what a crumb cake is.
Why am I putting it
in my medical bag?
You gon' be fillin' in at
the old office tomorrow, right?
- Yeah, so?
- So can't you run by maternity
and drop off a tasty
"howdy do" from Laverne?
- Fine, crumb cake.
- Okay...
The rice crispy treats
go to radiology.
Now I have everything I need!
You mean everything except me.
See you, Maxine, I'm outta here.
- All right, Harry.
See ya in a week.
A week?
That would be a week from today,
today being may 23.
Thank you, calendar woman.
What do you know?
He didn't remember
our anniversary.
Nine years workin' together.
Nine years.
One of you should be up
for parole.
Now, it happens to be
a special day for me.
See, Dr. Weston and I
have this little routine.
First he says,
"well, dear, looks like we made
it through another year."
And then I say,
with just a hint of weariness,
"yeah... looks like it."
Wow, that thing they do in
Times Square on new years Eve
just... pff,
pales by comparison.
♪ I'm always here
♪ for anything you need...
♪ ...rain or shine
♪ I'll be the one...
♪ ...we share it all
♪ as life goes on
Wow! Boy, it's so great
to see you again, shay!
Remember now, say hello
to your husband for me.
Dr. Weston, I'm not married.
- That's right!
- I forgot, you got divorced.
You know, you're a lot different
from Dr. Tyler.
Well, give him some time, dear.
I've been at this
a little longer than he has.
No, I mean,
Dr. Tyler's really funny.
Bye-bye, Gale.
Thank you, dear.
- I think you're funny, Harry.
- Well, thank you, Denise.
Then again I've been known
to blow milk out of my nose
watching saved by the bell.
You too?
All right, come on, we're having
entirely too much fun here.
Let's, bring in
the next patient.
Sorry! We're fresh out
till after lunch.
No kidding!
The morning just flew by!
I know, I haven't had
this many laughs at work
since I was
"susy doosie, the party clown."
You used to work
children's parties.
Well... parties.
Gee, the place... I mean,
it's exactly the way I left it.
Although I must say
that Dr. Tyler has made
one major improvement.
Well, Harry,
you're embarrassing me.
- Yeah, that...
- Electric pencil sharpener.
Hey, you're not funny,
you're mean.
I'll make it up to you.
Let me buy you lunch
at the hospital cafeteria.
You're not mean, you're cruel.
Should we say
about 3:00?
Why so late?
I'm not hungry,
I ate a whole crumb cake
driving in this morning.
Sophia, that was too much fun!
I had no idea you were
such a savvy bargain huntress!
Hey, they don't call me
"cheap" 'cause I'm easy!
Or do they?
Ladies, do you mind?
I'm tryin' to watch
gilligan's island.
Simp! You're not watching
gilligan's island.
That's masterpiece theatre.
No wonder Mary Ann
sounds so stuck up.
Charley, I think you need
to get your eyes checked.
I have, they're brown.
- Can you read this headline?
- Sure.
Clinton wins election.
Wrong!
You mean bush got in?
- Charley, you can't read this!
You need glasses!
No! That's just great!
Although it does explain
the other night
when I sent those drinks over
to that table of hasidic guys.
So Charley, let me know when
you're ready to get your specs.
You know Olson who lives
next door to me at the home?
He used to be an optometrist.
Maybe I'll give him a call.
I should warn you,
he's a little weird.
He may wanna give you
a hernia test, too.
You know, read line four
and cough?
- Hi, everybody.
- Hello, daddy.
How was your day?
Did the little tykes beam
with delight
upon return of the gentle healer
who shaped their lives?
A baby peed on my tie.
It was so great seein'
the kids again,
and Dr. Tyler has hired
a terrific nurse.
A very... attractive lady,
named Denise.
So, daddy,
tell me about this Denise.
Well, she's very funny.
At lunch, she did
this wicked imitation
of shafer in pathology.
"Who smudged my slides?
Who smudged my slides?"
God, it was dead-on,
it was so... sh-shafer,
you know?
I mean, you know,
you have to know him.
But you don't.
It's... it's...
Never mind, come on.
Bottom line, Harry...
How's this nurse
in the hooter department?
Charley, I really don't
appreciate that kinda language.
I'm thinkin' about asking
this lady out.
Answers my question.
Daddy, you can't ask her out.
Why not?
Because you're her boss!
You... you could be flirting with
issues of sexual harassment.
Remember Clarence Thomas,
Bob packwood, Lydia hoffstetter?
Who's Lydia hoffstetter?
Who's Clarence Thomas?
Lydia hoffstetter was
the flannel-shirted manager
of the hamburger stand
I toiled at my senior year.
One day she invited me
to her home
to listen to her
Anne Murray records.
When I firmly,
yet sensitively, rebuffed her,
she demoted me
to the French-fryer.
I gained ten pounds that summer.
Oddly, it only made her
want me more.
- Morning, Harry.
- Morning, Denise.
Sorry I'm late.
Doing rounds at the hospital.
It took forever to swipe
a decent bouquet.
- There you go.
- Harry.
These will go so well
with my allergies.
I'm sorry.
- Kidding!
- All right.
You know, I don't usually
get flowers from my boss,
except when somebody
in my family dies.
You don't know something,
do you?
Only that I really
enjoy working with you.
Yeah, well,
I'm having a good time, too.
And, you know,
technically I'm not your boss.
Dr. Tyler's your boss.
I mean, if that ever
comes up in court.
What?
It's nothing,
nothing, nothing, nothing.
Okay, so listen...
I'm going to humiliate
myself now,
so try not to laugh too hard.
Wait, wait, wait, you're gonna
imitate shafer again.
Let me put the coffee down here.
No, no, no, Harry, Harry,
this isn't a joke.
Well, I just thought that
since you forced me to have
lunch with your yesterday
that I could return
the punishment
and make you dinner
tomorrow night.
- You're...
- You're asking me out.
You're right, bad idea.
Okay, here's shafer
walking into a bar.
No, no, no, no, no!
Please, don't!
No, I... I would love
to have dinner with you.
Can I bring anything?
- I could use a new couch.
- All right.
How 'bout wine?
Great! A case.
- This is great!
- Great.
Excuse me.
Could you tell Dr. Weston
that Laverne Todd
is here to see him?
Certainly. Harry,
Laverne is here to see you.
- "Harry"?
You call him "Harry"?
Laverne,
is everything all right?
It is now,
Mr. I-have-everything-i-need!
You forgot your lucky otoscope.
Otto!
So, doctor, before I traipse
all the way back across town,
is there anything
you forgot to tell me?
You sure there isn't anything
you wanna say?
Nothing really comes to mind,
but thanks for bringing Otto.
Don't mention it.
Daffodils! My favorite!
From your fella?
Actually, Harry gave them to me.
I'm sorry, someone
in your family passed on?
- No...
- Well, I mean, you know Harry.
He's just a big flirt.
Denise, please, come on.
Isn't he cute when he blushes?
He looks the same way
after he ties his shoes.
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it!
I don't believe it!
Well, I do.
What the hell
are you talkin' about?
I just come back
from the old office
where I witnessed
Dr. Harry Weston
a-carryin' on
with a floozy nurse.
So, what happened?
You walk in on Harry
and nursie knockin' boots?
Dr. Douglas.
Well, Laverne, so what if Harry
is having a little office fling?
What's it to you?
Well, it just hurts me
to see that man a-carryin' on
like a buffoon.
Over some nurse who isn't you?
Sounds like you're jealous.
Now, that is ridiculous!
Dr. Weston and I aren't
that way with each other.
Why not?
Birds do it.
Bees do it.
Why can't nurses and mds do it?
Elvis, how many times
have we been through this?
Now, you are on my side
of the bed.
Shoo!
Lordy, I am dog tired.
No offense, Elvis.
Well, dear, it looks like
we made it through another year.
Yeah... looks like it.
Meow.
Thank you.
I'm... sorry I'm so nervous.
I've never been
to a psychiatrist before.
Well, it's okay to be here,
miss Todd.
Now, please, go on.
Well, like I's sayin'...
What are you writing?
Just, making a note.
- Does anybody see that?
- No.
Then why are you writing it?
It's just part of
my normal procedure.
Unless I decide to sell it
to hard copy.
Well, let's go back
to your dream.
Look, I just wanna stop havin'
these feelings for Dr. Weston.
Can't you give me
a shot or somethin'?
You know, Laverne,
one dream doesn't mean
you're in love with someone.
Yeah?
What if I went back to bed
and dreamt about him again,
and again, and again, and again?
Professionally speaking...
Charley, what are you doing
with that book?
Reading.
No, seriously,
what are you doing?
Carol,
ever since I got these glasses,
whole new worlds
have opened up to me,
and I'm using
my newfound intellect
to finish
a rather compelling book...
Or as I like
to call it, "Tome."
That's a thesaurus, you dimwit!
Or "dolt."
Idiot!
Or "ignoramus."
Charley, are you aware that
you're making fun of yourself?
Or am I aware I'm engaging
in "self-deprecation."
Hi, honey.
- "Honey," term of endearment.
Or "snookums," "toots."
Or "arf," "yip," "woof."
So daddy, how was
your dinner with Denise?
It... it was okay.
She and I have different ideas
about what's... edible.
Is there anything
to heat up here?
My poor, hungry daddy!
Has my command
of all things culinary
ruined you for all other women?
Yeah.
I mean,
Denise is a terrible cook
but she...
She's a very nice person.
A very nice person?
That doesn't sound
very encouraging.
Well, I mean, she is, you know,
she's really very nice
and everything, it's...
I mean, the woman
would not stop doing jokes!
She was like henny youngman.
But daddy,
you love henny youngman.
But I don't wanna date him.
Anyway, once we got past
the laughs,
we just sorta ran outta things
to say.
Well, I warned you
about the intra-office liaison.
How are you gonna face her
tomorrow?
- Carol, it's no big deal.
So it didn't work out.
I mean, Denise and I
are mature adults.
I give up.
Carlsbad caverns.
I don't get it.
Stalactites!
- Stalactites!
- The thing that's hanging...
It's... it's...
That's really very cute.
Yeah.
Harry, I just wanted
to thank you
for a wonderful time last night.
I love cooking for you.
Really?
Well, you... you know,
and I...
You know, well, you're...
You're welcome.
Harry, I hope you don't mind
but I made you a little
something.
Thank you!
It's some sort of... food.
It's my famous COD sticks.
Well great, um...
Denise, I think you and I
should have a little talk.
You hate COD sticks.
No, I love... I love COD sticks!
I just want you to know
that I think you're
a really terrific person.
Well, I think
you're pretty terrific, too.
But you know, sometimes two
terrific people come together...
No! God!
This is a "dump speech,"
isn't it?
- No, no, no!
It's not that...
Not a "dump speech"!
It's the jokes, isn't it?
Well, I mean, you don't
have to be on all the time.
You know, I always let
you men do this to me.
I tell a couple of jokes,
you act like you're interested,
so I'm fooled into believing
everything's great,
and then it's always,
"sorry, Denise,
but you're just too darn funny."
Yeah, well,
hope we can still be friends.
Go to hell, Harry!
Well!
Shawna!
Nice to see you!
Where's your husband?
I'm not married!
I forgot! You got a divorce!
No, my mommy and daddy
got a divorce.
I'm sorry! Geez,
I didn't... I didn't know!
I didn't know!
I want Dr. Tyler back now!
Yes, we all do, dear!
Dr. Tyler... god!
I'm sorry I'm late,
Dr. Douglas.
I didn't hardly get
a wink of sleep last night.
Again?
Harry still
your "sleepy-time stallion"?
I knew I never should've
told you about that!
It's bad enough I've gotta
deal with it all night long.
Now I've gotta come to work
and hear it from you!
I'll never bring it up again.
So how was he?
Two words.
In... satiable.
Harry?
Laverne?
Maxine, good morning.
Well, if it isn't
the marathon man.
I just dropped by
to see Laverne.
She's in the lounge.
I forgot
our nine-year anniversary.
Is she... is she... is she mad?
You could say she's pretty hot.
Hi.
Laverne?
Laverne?
Well, dear, looks like
we made it through another year.
My god.
Wake up.
Wake up! Wake up!
- Whoa, whoa! Calm down!
I'm... I'm here.
Just me.
- Go away.
Please?
Look, I'm... I'm sorry
I missed our anniversary,
but I'm here now, so,
come on, what do you say?
Well, looks like we made it
through another year, dear.
I'm not sure we did,
and I don't think I can work
for you anymore.
- What? I don't...
I don't understand.
Okay, it's time I started dealin'
with my feelings head on.
Doctor, I love you, I think.
Say that again?
- I love...
- Don't say that again!
- Well, doctor, I'm serious!
- Well...
I... I... I don't know
what to say, Laverne.
I mean... I mean
I care about you, but...
I mean... how long have you
f-felt this way?
I guess since I saw you going
gaga over that other nurse.
It got me to wonderin' how come
you never made a pass at me.
Laverne, I just never
thought of you that way.
Are you sayin'
I ain't attractive?
- No! No! You're att...
You're attractive.
More.
You're... you're very pretty.
Well, what's wrong with you,
then?
- We're... we're friends.
Great friends.
You probably know more about me
than anybody else in the world!
- Of course I do.
That's my job.
- Yeah.
Now, I mean...
Can you really see you and me
crossing that line?
I mean, can you see us
in that position?
I don't mean "position."
I mean...
You know what I mean.
Well... I guess this
whole idea
did seem a whole lot more
appealin' to me
when you were in my dreams
instead of standin' right here
in front of me.
Under these harsh, unforgiving,
fluorescent lights.
- So you... you dreamt about me?
- Really?
Yeah...
Pretty silly?
But I mean that anniversary
thing got me so mad,
I couldn't stop thinkin'
about you,
and the next thing I knew,
my carnal appetite took over
and all hell broke loose.
Carnal appetite?
Yeah, that had to be it.
I mean... a young filly like me
and an ol' geezer like you.
Lordy,
now there's your odd couple!
Laverne, you're not
that much younger than I am.
Yeah, yeah, and roadkill don't
get flatter as time goes by.
But I guess
now I'm ready to say,
"we made it
through another year."
And you know, I couldn't
have done it without ya.
You!
How was it for you?