Emily in Paris (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Masculin Féminin - full transcript

My name is Mark.

Mon nom est Marc.

I cannot speak French.

Je ne parle pas français.

Could you please say that again?

S'il vous plaît,
pourriez-vous répéter?

Please slow down a little bit.

Veuillez ralentir.
Veuillez parler un peu plus lentement.

Oh, jeez.

I did it again. I'm really so sorry.

Emily, do you want to live
in my apartment?



Come on, even you have to admit

that the floor numbering here
makes absolutely no sense.

You are very wet.

What? Oh.

Yeah, um... I just ran five miles,

but I don't really know
what that is in kilometers.

Can I get you a glass of water?
It's a long way to the fifth floor.

Nah, I have to get to work,

but, um, I promise I won't bang
on your door again.

No problem. Bang any time.

You're funny.

Bonjour, la plouc.

Go fuck yourself.

I think I like you.



French is such a funny language.

Why is it la plouc and not le plouc?

I guess it depends on the plouc
you're referring to.

Look, I know that you all
aren't that happy to have me here

and my French could use some work.

- A little bit.
- Okay.

It's basically merde,

but I have some ideas
about marketing De L'Heure

that I'd like to share with you.

De L'Heure.

- De L'Heure.
- De L'Heure.

- De L'Heure.
- De L'Heure.

De... L'Heu-re.

- De L'Heure.
- De L'Heure.

- De L'Heure.
- De L'Heu-re.

I don't think that's the account for you.

I studied the marketing plan
before I got to Paris.

It's weak.

Oh, how so?

You're piggybacking off the ad campaign.

Very little social engagement.
I know you're about to launch,

- and you're keeping me out of the loop.
- True.

The party is tonight.

Tonight? What...?

What? Were you gonna tell me this,
uh, never?

Listen, I...

don't agree with your approach.

You want everything to be everywhere,

accessible to everyone.

You want to open doors.

I want to close doors.

We work with very exclusive brands.

And they require mystery, and...

You have no mystery.

You're... You're very... very obvious.

Maybe I am.

But... I do understand what it means
to be on the outside looking in.

I have a perspective
that you will never understand

because, no,
I'm not sophisticated or French,

and I don't know how to look like you.

That slouchy, sexy, je ne sais quoi thing.

But I am the customer that wants it.

And you're not because...
you've already got it,

and you don't even know how you did it.

So, you want to go to this party?

Bien sûr.

Fine. Be there at eight.

Wonderful.

Any tips on what to wear?

Not that.

Oh, there you are.

Stop eating. Why are you eating?

I'm sorry. It's just so good,
and I'm so hungry.

Well, have a cigarette.

- I don't smoke.
- Of course you don't.

Well, they will kill you.

- Bonsoir, Sylvie.
- Oh.

- Paul.
- Mwah.

- Ça va?
- Ouais.

Antoine! Ça va bien?

Emily. Quelle metaporphose! Très belle.

Oh, merci.

- Emily has just arrived from, uh, America.
- Oh.

Antoine Lambert. And my wife, Catherine.

- Enchanté.
- Enchantée here as well.

Antoine, of course, owns Maison Lavaux,

and he is the best nose in France.

Well, it's... it's very symmetrical.

Not literally my nose.

A nose is what we call the perfumer,
the one who composes the scent.

Emily unfortunately

does not speak French.

And why did you come to Paris?

To bring an American perspective
from a marketing point of view.

Hm. And how do things look
from that point of view?

I think you have an amazing, sexy product

that could practically induce pregnancy
in older women.

- I mean, it's part of the reason I'm here.
- Sorry?

Uh, yeah...

- Never mind. Sorry. It's a long story.
- Please.

I'm curious.

Well, I think
we can do much more on social.

Last year at my company,
we marketed a vaccine

to help combat the chikungunya virus
and saturated the web

with such gorgeous content,
we were actually responsible

for increasing tourism
in the Virgin Islands by 30 percent.

If you googled "tropical beach,"
"vacation," "paradise,"

or even "topless beach selfies,"
you were directed to our product.

Oh, and the best thing is

we can track everything.

Who have used what,
when, where, and for how long.

What is she saying?

Juliette from Marie Claire
is waiting to talk to you.

Please.

Interesting ideas.

It's nice to meet you.

Are you crazy?

- You don't talk about work at a party.
- He asked me.

Well, then you change the subject.

You know,
we're at a soirée, not a conference call.

Oh, mon Dieu!

Mademoiselle.

Bonsoir.

How are you enjoying Paris?

I love it. I mean, who wouldn't, right?

I'm sorry
if I was talking too much about work.

Sometimes I just get
a little over enthusiastic,

and, uh, I know it's a party.

- Cheers.
- Santé.

You're not wearing the perfume.

- Not yet. I'm sorry.
- Here.

Try a little here.

And right here.

It suits you.

Ah, it smells really good.

I'm just not usually a perfume girl.

And why not?

It's like wearing beautiful lingerie.

Makes you feel more confident. Sexier.

Happier.

And, of course, with the right chemistry,
it can be an aphrodisiac.

I will keep all of that in mind
for our marketing materials.

User experience is key.

Mm-hm. And how do you experience it?

What does it smell like to you?

- Gardenia.
- Mm-hm.

Leather.

Musk.

And a little bit like sweat...

Although that's probably me.

It's like wearing poetry.

Génial.

I love it.

Like wearing poetry. Exactly.

Perhaps you wear it and see how you feel?

And how other men feel around you?

Or other women. As you please.

I usually please men.

Uh, prefer.

I usually prefer men.

Ah. Well then, you need to find yourself
a nice French boyfriend.

That's the best way to learn the language.
In bed.

I have a boyfriend. In Chicago.

We're basically engaged to be engaged.
He's... He's coming here soon.

I'm not sure that's gonna help
with your French.

I'm very happy to have an American
on my team.

We will learn from each other.

Expensive sex.

Excuse me?

That's what it smells like to me.

Expensive sex.

Well,

better than a cheap date.

I look forward to working with you.

And to get to know you, Emily.

Bonjour, Emily.

Bonjour, Julien.

Hey.

Very successful party last night.

Antoine was impressed with you.

He would like you to work on the account.

- Really?
- Yeah.

That's great.
I thought maybe I was too enthusiastic.

Oh, I would...
I would love the help on the account,

but we discussed that Emily

- was gonna work on Vaga-Jeune.
- Uh, what... what's Vaga-Jeune?

Uh, suppositoires

- so that the vagina can become mouillé.
- I'm sorry?

Suppositories to promote vaginal wetness
in older women.

Because the weather in the vagina
when the lady is older...

Isn't so moye anymore, I... I get it.

Mouillé. Très bien.

So you learnt a new word.

So, Emily will work on this for now?

Oui, oui. It's an important product.

A necessity.

So first, you start with the necessities,
and then you move to the luxuries.

Yeah, exactement!

And your experience
is with pharmaceuticals,

so this makes total sense.

Of course.

- Good.
- Good.

Oh, also...

...I think perhaps

last night you were a little too friendly
with Antoine.

What? No.

Mm, he seemed very friendly with you.

I think he was just being French.

And you find him attractive?

Yes. No! No.

- He's married. I met his wife.
- Hm.

So you do find him attractive.

He's a client.

A married client.

Exactement!

And his wife is very nice
and a very good friend of mine.

I will send you all the materials
for Vaga-Jeune.

Something you should know.

Sylvie is Antoine's mistress.

You never flirt with another woman
in front of your mistress.

It's worse than doing it
in front of your wife.

They were in the same room, to be precise.

Oh. Then they probably know each other.

- I'm sure they're friends.
- Really?

You think Antoine's wife knows
about his affair with Sylvie?

Of course. I'm sure she approves.

Why?

Nobody wants to have to have sex
with the same person forever.

I bet she has a lover, too.

Okay, my head is just completely spinning.

They're all in it together?

I think it's probably tolerated
more than discussed.

But I don't get it.

What's the point of being married
if you're gonna cheat on your spouse?

Uh, maybe after you're married
for 20 years, you might feel differently.

I mean, the French are romantics,
but they're also realists.

Ah. Cute alert!
How do you know about this place?

I live right down there,
and every time I pass by, it's packed.

Ah. Bon appétit.

- Santé.
- Santé.

So, what brought you to Paris?

Mm.
At first, business school.

My father insisted,
and he's used to getting his way.

Uh, he's the Zipper King of China.

- The Zipper King?
- Yes.

And also many other kinds of... fasteners.

He's got the world by the balls.

Literally.

And, um,

well, it's his dream

to have his only child, me,
take over the family business.

- Well, what's your dream?
- Just anything but that.

But ever since I was a child,

I was obsessed
with the idea of living in Paris.

Um, so I enrolled in school here
and dropped out.

- I'm used to getting my way, too.
- Merci.

So that's why you became a nanny?

Yes, because when my father found out,
he cut me off.

Ow. I'm sorry. That's harsh.

No. No, no, no, it's wonderful.

I mean, I'd...
I'd much rather have my freedom.

Otherwise I'd be living
a very predictable life in China.

You know, it's funny,

I grew up with nannies, and now I am one.

- Well, I'm very glad you're here.
- Mm-hm.

Ugh. This steak isn't cooked at all.

- Um...
- Ooh.

Excuse me! Pardon.

- Monsieur.
- Oui.

Uh...

I ordered this medium,
and it's still kind of bloody.

Elle aimerait son steak mieux cuit,
s'il vous plaît.

Uh, yeah. What she said.

Yeah. Just make sure
to never order the ris de veau.

What's that? Rice with veal?

No. See, that's what I thought.

I think it's brains or balls,
but it tastes like ass.

Ew.

The chef tells me the steak is correct.

Um, well, correct for him
but not correct for me.

- I suggest you try it.
- Ah,

maybe you suggest he cook it longer?

- I'll take yours, you take mine.
- No. Come on. The customer's always right.

See, no,
here the customer is never right.

Well,
maybe I'll educate the chef a little bit

about customer service.

You think you're gonna change
the entire French culture

by sending back a steak?

- Gabriel?
- Emily.

Mindy.

Wait, you're the chef here?

Oui. Is there a problem?

- Well, you...
- No! No. I love it.

Everything is perfect.

You haven't touched it.

You know, I'd be happy to burn it for you,
but promise me you'll try it first.

Yeah, try his meat, Emily.

Hm.

Mm! Mm.

Mm!

- It's surprisingly tender.
- Tender.

See. I knew you'd like it
if you gave it a chance.

Bon appétit, ladies.

- Mm.
- Bon appétit.

I'd bone appétit him.

Mm!

I packed, I... took a week off of work,

and then I thought,

- "What am I gonna do there all day?"
- What?

Uh, I don't know.

See the sights?

I mean,
Paris is kinda famous for its sights.

Yeah. Alone.

While you're working.

Well, our lunches
are pretty extensive here.

I mean, I could spend three hours
with you in the Louvre in the afternoon

and no one would miss me, you know.

Wait, is this about the Cubs?

No.

Because we can watch the playoffs
on a Slingbox.

You won't have to miss a game.

That's... That's not what this is about.

Well, what is this about?

I don't know how to do long distance.

Well,
you start by getting on a flight.

I... I thought we'd figured this all out.

No. You had this figured out.

And I'm sorry if I don't fit
into your spreadsheet, but...

I like our life in Chicago.

This is Paris!

Wait. Are... Are you not, like,
coming here...

ever?

I think you should come home.

You know what?

You can keep your precious air miles

and spend it on some away game

and stay in Chicago
for the rest of your life.

Because... Because this city
is filled with... with love

and... and romance and light and beauty

and passion and... and sex!

Which are clearly things
that mean nothing to you.

Whoa, whoa.
Wait, I'm sorry. Are you still there?

I... I think I lost you. I don't...

Yeah. You did.

Wait, wait. E-Emily, wait.

Emily...

No, I'm done waiting.

Young vagina.

The irony of menopause.

Just when you have the time

to really explore your mature,
adventurous, sensual self...

the vagina goes on strike.

...on strike.

Why is the vagina masculine?

Pardon?

Why is it le vagin, and not la vagin?

Oh, you mean le vagin.

Oh, I don't know. It just is.

Maybe it's because it's something
a woman owns and a man possesses.

Your language is seriously effed up.

This was a big mistake.

- I... I should never have come here.
- No! It's good you came.

Better than wasting another minute
on a man who won't leave Chicago.

I feel like
Alice Through the Looking Glass.

It's like up is down.

I'll never learn the language
or understand anything here.

Do you realize
this city is laid out in circles?

Like they deliberately designed it
to confuse us.

It's an illogical culture,
but it's a beautiful one too.

Better to just let it wash over you.

Yeah, but that's just it.

I'm worried I might drown.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this city,
you know?

- I thought it was gonna be an adventure.
- And it is.

Maybe an even better one
than you imagined.

I just never pictured myself here alone.

You're not alone.

You have a friend here now.

Paris is the most exciting city
in the world.

And you never know
what's gonna happen next.

Laurent!

Get away from that fountain!

Now!

Little shit.

You'll be fine.

Madam Macron.

THE VAGINA IS NOT MALE!

ABSOLUTELY!

Well, that's it. The end.

- I'm really going to miss you.
- Yeah, right.

You'll forget about us
as soon as you're in the South of France.

Sold off and abandoned, that's us.

- Nothing's going to change, you know.
- What about the girl?

What about her? Is she really that bad?

She's tiresome.

Well, at least she's hot.

Uh, sorry, but...

Honestly, it could have been worse.
I think she's all right.

It's okay for you. You've got your check.
You...

Oh, come on... You know me.

Oh, fuck!

What?

I've got a message
from the CEO of Vaga-Jeune.

Brigitte Macron has just posted something
on her Twitter account

- about their product.
- What?

- It came from Emily's Instagram account.
- Oh, wow.

- Hein? Brigitte Macron?
- Brigitte Macron.

The client is delighted.

"The vagina is not male."

That's for sure.

Oh, my God.

Emily!

Emily! Come join us. Come.

Elle assure trop.

- I guess you saw the post.
- Yeah.

Emily,

you have made my last day here
quite memorable.

I'm so glad.

Yeah, well done, Emily.

Well, I guess
a new chapter at Savoir has begun.

Thank you, Sylvie.

I'm really looking forward
to working with you.

To our very own American Vaga-Jeune.

- To our Vaga-Jeune.
- To our Vaga-Jeune.

To our Vaga-Jeune.