Emergency! (1972–1979): Season 1, Episode 8 - Weird Wednesday - full transcript
John is convinced that weird things will happen on their shift: a parachutist lands in a tree, an obese man collapses while jogging, an 80-year old woman breaks her ankle while dancing, a man can't stop the hiccups, a boy tries to cryogenically freeze himself, an golfer is bitten by a snake, a prostitute brings in a customer suffering from chest pains, and John is injured during the rescue of a drunk driver.
Anyway, you just watch
and see if I'm not right.
This is gonna be
one incredible day.
Just how did you figure that
out, from your horoscope?
Listen, I'm serious.
It's a scientific proven
fact that as far as accidents
and things like
that are concerned,
some days are just
worse than others.
[grunting]
Maybe it's the air, or
whatever, but there are days
when people just seem to
freak out all over the place.
Well, assuming you're right, what makes
you think that today is one of those days?
A bunch of things.
Like what, for example?
Like the fact that...
[alarm buzzing]
(dispatcher) Squad
51, First aid type rescue,
29902 Stormont Road.
29902 Stormont Road.
Cross street, Parmalee.
Time out: 09:54.
(Captain) Station
51, 10-4, KMG 365.
[engine starting]
[siren wailing]
Squad 51, further information
on your call at Stormont Road:
a woman apparently
injured falling out of a tree,
We have requested an ambulance.
Squad 51.
You wait and see.
I bet you anything this
is gonna be a weird call.
(Deputy) Okay, folks,
please step aside. Please.
Let the car through. Thank you.
Somebody please get me down!
I don't believe it.
She fell into it, not out of it.
It figures.
Squad 51 at scene.
(dispatcher) Squad
51, Time: 09:59.
What happened?
Lady parachutist.
Missed the field by a mile.
She injured?
She says it's her back.
Oh, yeah.
What are you waiting for?
Well, I'll call for the engine.
We're gonna need a ladder.
I'll check her out.
LA Squad 51.
Can you have an engine
respond to our incident, please?
10-4, Squad 51,
Do something, please!
Yes, ma'am, I'll be right up.
Squad 51, to the rescue
case on Stormont Road...
[exclaiming]
Get me down!
[panting]
How do you feel, ma'am?
I hurt all over.
Including my pride.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, uh, what about your back?
It feels terrible.
Well, here.
We'll have to cut
some of this line away.
No, you won't.
Do you know how
much this rig cost?
Don't you dare cut it.
Well, ma'am, how are
we gonna get down?
You figure it out.
That's what you're
paid for, isn't it?
What's her condition, Johnny?
Well, back pain.
But she's got feeling
and movement.
I'm gonna have to
clear some of this nylon.
You need me up there?
No, there's nothing
you can do up here.
You'll just have to
wait for the ladder.
Now... Put those scissors away.
[birds chirping]
Pull the cover down and squeeze.
Here?
Mmm-hmm.
All right.
Hurry.
I'm signed up for three more.
First I've got to get
that nearsighted pilot
a new pair of goggles.
Twice in a row, he's
dropped me short.
Men pilots.
[siren approaching]
[car door closing]
We're gonna need a ladder.
(Deputy) You fellas
step back, please.
Stand clear, here
come the ladders.
Look out.
Well, reinforcements.
It's about time, too.
Uh, let me take some
of that weight off you.
[grunting]
(fireman #1) What's up?
(fireman #2) Hey, I don't know.
What did you do that for?
We're trying to get
you down from here.
You just cost me a $3 repack.
I'll tell you what,
we'll split it with you.
Ahi estamos!
[people chattering]
Heads up!
Whew!
This can't be helping.
It's a broken, broken limb.
Must have broke when you hit.
[grunts]
Gonna need the saw.
Ouch!
Ah!
It's about the second
or third lumbar.
No penetration.
Must be pressing on a nerve.
Ouch! Oh!
Yeah, that's where it hurts.
Well, can you, can
you describe the pain?
Like a cramp. Charley horse.
Charley horse?
It doesn't hurt anymore.
Not at all?
I'm okay!
You're... you're
sure you're okay?
Now, wait a minute.
Don't be too sure, you
might have broken something.
Impossible. I can move, look.
Hang on, honey.
[giggling]
Ha, time for one
more before lunch.
One of you boys run up and
get my main for me, would you?
Hey, uh, don't you think
you better call it quits today?
Quit? Give up jumping?
This is the closest I've been
to that target in 94 jumps.
Hey, would you throw
down my helmet for me?
Thanks.
[siren wailing]
Now do you believe me?
About what?
About what a weird day this is.
You gotta admit, that was a
pretty stupid accident back there.
I gotta admit that things like
that don't happen too often.
(dispatcher) Squad 51, LA,
Squad 51.
Squad 51. Difficult breathing,
[siren wailing]
44076 South Weylan,
44076 South Weylan.
Cross street, Wilke.
Time out: 11:02.
Squad 51.
Get a repeat on that.
There's no such number.
Weylan only goes up to 5000.
That must be 4076.
LA, can we have a
repeat on that address?
Weylan could continue
400 blocks to the south.
Out in the ocean?
Squad 51, corrected
address: 4076 South Weylan.
4076 South Weylan.
Cross street, Wilke.
Squad 51.
It happens.
(dispatcher) Station
165, Squad 209,
knee snagged in the dairy.
Tasty Meadow and 135th Street.
Tasty Meadow and 135th Street.
Hey, Dad.
Dad, I'm sorry.
Pulse is 120 and irregular, we
better get the patches on him.
What happened?
It was my fault.
I shamed him into it.
Does your father have a
history of heart disease?
No. We were just jogging.
Too fast, I guess.
He had a pain in his chest.
Dad?
Sorry.
Here, we're gonna put this on.
Engine 87, Engine 26,
Broken gasoline line.
1886 Youngblood.
Rampart, this is Rescue 51.
Rescue 51?
Rampart, we have a male,
approximately 45 years old. Obese.
His blood pressure
is 146 over 98.
Pulse?
Pulse is 120 and irregular.
Pulse 120 and irregular.
Respiration is 30,
Chest pains began while jogging.
He is now conscious
and diaphoretic.
Rampart, the scope
shows sinus tachycardia
with frequent PVCs.
51, can you transmit an EKG?
10-4.
51, send me a strip.
10-4.
[siren approaching]
[beeping]
(Brackett) Looks like
he's coming around.
I'll go have a
word with his wife.
[woman on PA system]
[footsteps approaching]
M's. Lytton'? I'm Dr. Smoke“.
How is my husband, Doctor?
We'll know more
in a little while.
Wally said he's
had a heart attack.
Is that right? Is it?
Is it his heart?
I'm afraid so.
Will he be all right?
There's every possibility
of that, Mrs. Lytton.
Now, if you'll just sit down,
we'll have some more
news in a few minutes.
Was it his weight
that caused it?
Or was it the exercise?
A combination.
Plus me.
[sighing]
I'll be the one who's
killed him if he dies.
Don't talk like that.
It was just an accident.
A stupid accident.
Most accidents
are stupid, ma'am.
If he had had taken
into consideration
his age and
physical condition...
Now, if you'll excuse me...
Like some days I know.
You guys having
one of those, too?
We sure are. Did Johnny tell you
about the skydiver
we found in a tree?
No, but I've got a beaut.
Lady came in this
morning predicting
she was about to have an
appendicitis attack. And did.
Could be the moon.
Whatever it is, I'm
hungry. Let's go to lunch.
With all its skill
and resources,
medical science is
sure to figure it out.
Uh-uh.
[machine beeping]
Well, he's looking better.
Let me know when
we get the lab report.
Right.
Have Joe take a look
at it, too, huh, Dix?
(woman on PA system)
Dr. Waltman, 64.
How is he?
Will he be all right?
I think so.
I think so.
[sighing]
Come in, 65,
I think he's out of
immediate danger.
All we can do is wait.
Better move him
into Intensive Care.
Dr. Early?
There's a lady who's
threatening to sue
the county if we
don't let her go home.
Okay. I'll be right there.
Oh, Ms. McCall, Dr. Brackett
needs you in 4 right away.
[exclaiming]
I'll get out of here!
Oh, don't!
Are you a doctor?
Listen, it's certainly time
somebody sent for a doctor.
Would you please let me go?
Doctor, there's absolutely
nothing wrong with me.
It's just a sprain.
Yes, ma'am. What's sprained?
Don't "ma'am" me. It's my ankle.
Of course. Let's have a look.
This is Mrs.
Bernadine Spaulding.
This is Dr. Early.
Doctor, have you got
the authority to release me
or are you just another
one of them students?
Let's have a look first, ma'am.
There you go again.
How would you like it if I was
calling you "mister" all the time?
Now, I am telling you, Doctor,
there is absolutely
nothing wrong with me.
I simply fell and
twisted my ankle while...
While...
While?
Well... She was dancing.
Yes. Dancing.
It's my birthday, and I
guess I can dance if I want to.
Of course, Mrs. Spaulding.
And congratulations.
On your birthday, I mean.
Oh, thank you. I'm 80!
(Joe) No!
Yes. And I feel just perfect.
Look, I can still
do my high kicks!
Oh, but, please let me go, I
want to get back to my party.
Considerable swelling.
Oh!
Oh!
Now, does this hurt?
No. It doesn't hurt.
How about when
I turn it this way?
No.
Did Dr. Brackett get the x-rays?
Not yet.
That's what we're gonna
have to do, Mrs. Spaulding.
X-ray your ankle to make
sure everything is all right.
Oh.
It won't hurt a bit.
It isn't the hurt,
it's my party.
Don't you understand
that I'm the guest of honor?
How can they celebrate,
with me in this
smelly institution?
Where is there a telephone?
We'll get to a phone
soon enough, don't worry.
Notify X-ray.
I'm allowed one call, you know.
Yes, ma'am. We go
strictly by the book here.
You'd better, Doctor, or I'll
throw the book right at you.
(woman on PA) Can I have a
doctor in the treatment room?
Can I have a doctor
in the treatment room?
Are they gonna give
me a room of my own?
Are you free?
That depends.
You mind solving a
problem I have in 5?
Lead on.
Has his annual
meeting this afternoon.
Big speech to deliver.
But he can't say a word.
He's been hiccupping
since yesterday.
Hiccups?
I think we're having the same
kind of a day as the Fire Department.
[hiccupping]
(Mrs. Merkl) Oh,
sweetheart, darling.
Uh, this is Dr. Brackett.
Mr. Merkl and his
wife, Mrs. Merkl.
Oh, how do you
do? How do you do?
You gotta help me, doc.
You gotta help me
get rid of these damn...
Hiccups. All right,
just relax, Mr. Merkl.
Don't try to talk. Lie back.
Yes, lie down, honey.
[gasping]
Sorry.
[hiccupping]
Try to breathe slowly
and as deeply as you can.
When did they start?
Last night. Stop them, please.
What did he have for dinner?
We had dinner at
my mother's house.
They haven't found
a name for it yet.
Arthur.
[hiccups continue]
Prepare some
chlorpromazine, 25 mg IM.
Have you had a recent operation?
Uh, no.
History of heart trouble?
No.
[gasping] How
about liver problems?
Sorry.
Ooh, ooh.
Whew.
[hiccupping]
Were you drinking last night?
I just wish I had been.
What about pancreatitis?
Hernia?
Have you had an ulcer?
Sorry.
What about inhalation therapy?
Let's try this first.
(M's. Mam“ Oh!
It's just a sedation.
It'll help him to relax.
Relax? I can't afford to relax.
W-What time is it?
Don't think about that.
B-b-but... but...
Don't let them put
me to sleep, you...
Sleep.
[hiccupping]
I'm mam that's what you're
gonna have to do, Mr. Mend.
Give your phrenic
nerves time to unwind.
Yeah, but... but... but...
But... but what will
they do without me?
They're depending on me.
Well, they can't use you
in this condition, Mr. Merkl,
except for a metronome.
You just try and take it easy.
Uh, listen.
Yes, ma'am?
[whispers] Was it really
my mother's cooking?
What did you say?
Honestly, it's out
of the question.
(woman #1) But, it's
also her 80th birthday.
(woman #2) And it's about
time you divulged where she's at.
Mrs. Spaulding's
personal birthday party.
Are you in command here?
Most of the time.
I'm not sure about
today, though.
We need a private room.
And money is no object.
Well, I'm sorry. She's
still in Emergency.
We have to get an
x-ray of her ankle.
(woman) Dr. Allen...
We shall wait.
Yes, get cracking.
Yes, ma'am.
Would you mind waiting
in the waiting room, please?
[people chattering]
I don't know what it
is with today. Do you?
Uh-huh.
It's what we call a
scientific enigma.
I guess we only have one hope.
Eventually it'll be tomorrow.
Maybe if we just stay quiet,
the world won't know we're here.
Nah, the dispatcher
can find us anywhere.
Maybe we could
hide in the hospital.
Why would the hospital be safe?
How would you two like to
take a fire prevention run?
Go down and check out
some electrical wiring.
Cap, on a day like today
we'd get electrocuted.
A little jolt might
do you some good.
Get you back on
your feet, at least.
Cap, you would not believe
the kind of day we're having.
You're right.
And we've got over
17 hours left to go.
Gage, you just naturally
exaggerate everything.
Today is no worse
that any other day.
[alarm buzzing]
(dispatcher) Squad 51,
man trapped in freezer.
9305 Wahlgren.
9305 Wahlgren.
Cross street, Button Crescent.
Time out: 14:41.
(Captain) Squad
51, 10-4. KMG 365.
Exaggerate, huh?
[siren wailing]
This way, men.
Freezer's in the back.
Can't let him get away with it.
He's too young.
He... he's probably gone by now.
Been at least 10 minutes.
Where are his parents?
(woman) Acapulco.
Said he was
putting himself on ice
till the world improved.
A real genius.
Now, don't go putting him down.
He's just young.
Been studying
almost a year. Ha-ha.
He knows all about hibernation.
He'd better.
(Roy) You better
get some blankets.
Blankets. Yeah, okay.
[grunting]
(Gage) He sure
thought of everything.
(woman) Where do you want it?
(Roy) Put it right down
here. Put it down there.
[panting]
Pulse is 100,
there's no cyanosis.
Breathing sounds fine.
This thing couldn't
have been airtight.
Ralph knows how to
suppress his breathing.
He sure does. He's
been at the bottom
of the pool over four
minutes lots of times.
Let's just hope he
goes swimming again.
His mother will murder him
when she sees her freezer.
Respiration is about
15, strong and regular.
Blood pressure is
120 over 80. He's fine.
Let's wrap him up.
What have you got?
Uh, freezer victim, but
we got him out in time.
Well, that figures,
a day like today.
Shall I cancel the ambulance?
Yeah, please. Right.
[shivering]
What...
What... what... What
year... year is... is this?
Same one, man.
(woman) You blew it, Ralph.
(Lorick) You just
can't win, buddy.
On a day like this, who can?
[sneezing]
Wouldn't be a bad thing to know.
They do it in the Himalayas.
If you prepare yourself right,
you can zap yourself
in and out anytime.
I can see how you'd go in.
But I wonder how you get out.
Hmm.
Yeah. That could be a problem.
Wanna bet how long we've
got before it goes off again?
No, but I'll give you odds
it'll be something peculiar.
You feel like a coffee?
Now, who's got time for coffee?
You know, Johnny, you're
really letting this day get to you.
[sighing]
[alarm buzzing]
(dispatcher) Squad
51, Snakebite.
Mitchell Park Golf
Course. East Gate.
Mitchell Park Golf
Course. East Gate.
Cross street, Williston.
Time out: 15:33.
[siren approaching]
What happened?
Girl. Name's Penny Finch.
She was playing golf
and went into the brush
to get her ball and
a rattler got her.
We put a blanket under her.
How long ago?
About 15 minutes.
She's not looking good.
I'll bet. Give me
a hand, will you?
Sure.
Where did it get
you, Miss Finch?
Right here. It sure hurts.
(Deputy) Ambulance is on
the way. I'll go back and wait.
All right. Thanks for the help.
Anytime.
Color's bad.
Well, the rate's up.
It's 120, regular but weak.
[gasping]
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
You just hold that
on your face for me.
You're... you're
not going to cut me?
Ah, you'll hardly feel it.
(Gage) Rampart.
This is Rescue 51.
Incising it will allow us to
draw some of the venom out.
Blood pressure is 100 over 50.
[gasping]
The 02 isn't working.
She's going into
cardiovascular collapse.
Raise her head.
The stuff must have injected
right into her vein or artery.
51, this is Rampart. Go ahead.
Rampart. We have
a rattlesnake victim.
Female. Approximately 28.
Medium build, 120 pounds.
Vital signs, respiration 15.
Well, hold it. It's changed.
Uh, blood pressure
is 90 over 40.
Pulse rate is 130.
Still regular but weak.
Blood pressure, 90 over 40.
Pulse 130. Regular but weak.
She's currently
unresponsive and cyanotic.
We have her on
five liters of oxygen.
51, how long ago,
and where's the bite?
20 minutes ago. It's
on the calf of her leg.
Sounds like the venom's
already in her circulatory system.
I'll get pharmacy
going on the antivenin.
51, establish an
IV route at once.
DSW to keep open.
Piggyback an aramine
drip. Continue oxygen.
Transport as soon as you can.
10-4.
[siren approaching]
[siren blaring]
[car door closing]
We're set up in 4.
Hemolysis.
Type her fast.
Also CBC and urinalysis.
You may have
gotten her here in time.
Set oxygen to five liters.
This is Dixie McCall.
Are you ready with that
antivenin in Treatment 4?
BP is 100 over 50.
Increase drip rate on aramine.
Complete work-up.
Fast as you can.
I'll need it in five minutes.
Never happen. They
told me half an hour.
This girl could be in the
morgue in half an hour.
So I'll talk nice to 'em.
Ready, Dix?
Ready.
(Brackett) It's up to her now.
She looks pretty tough.
(woman it“ Where is she?
Ma'am, I don't even know...
We know she's here, young man.
Alone on her birthday.
And it may be her
very last birthday.
(woman #1) And if we
don't find out where she is...
(woman #2) We're
going straight to the top.
Who are you?
Oh, well, he's closer
to the top than I am.
Very well. Where is Bernadine?
Thank you.
Thank you, young man.
(woman on PA system) Miss
Jones, receptionist, please.
How is Penny?
Well, it's up to the
antivenin and Dr. Brackett.
Now do you believe me, what
kind of a day this is turning out to be?
I think it's mostly
your imagination.
Yeah, mine or the, uh, victims'?
You just gotta
convince me, don't you?
Miss Jones, reception, please.
Ooh, excuse me.
What happened?
Foot full of little holes.
Dropped his shotgun.
[man on radio chattering]
Squad 51 available.
(dispatcher) Squad 51,
You know, I still don't think
we should have gone available.
We should go home and hide
before some ridiculous
accident happens to us.
[sighing]
Patrol 2, call your office.
[engine sputtering]
[engine starting]
Patrol 3, call station house.
Come on, Freddy, get inside.
Come on, come on.
[speaking Greek]
Hey, you guys wanna
give me a hand?
Huh?
[groaning]
[speaking Greek]
What have you got?
[coughing]
[groaning]
Okay. Get him to 5.
What's wrong with him?
Don't know yet.
(Jackie) Help him, please.
(Joe) Where does it hurt?
Can he describe the pain?
Give up, Doc. He
don't speak a word.
Get an IV ready and patch him.
What does he speak, do you know?
I don't know.
He's a sailor off some
foreign ship, I think.
Well, what happened?
Well, we were just...
Ah, well, what I
mean is, you see, he...
Well, uh... Look,
all I did was...
Oh, I don't know.
Look, all of a sudden he just
started yelling and then, uh...
And then he couldn't breathe
and all of a sudden, uh, uh,
it looked like his
arms are hurting him.
Chest pain?
How long have you known him?
What was he doing at the time?
We'll start the IV.
DEW to keep open.
And 12-lead EKG.
He's orthopneic.
Set at five liters.
Not here, please.
Diaphoretic. Cyanosis.
Rate 50.
Let's give him atropine,
5 mg. An IV push.
Right.
[beeping]
Hey,
why is that thing, uh,
bouncing up and down?
Be glad it is.
Let's get a set
of bloods on him.
How's he doing?
Mmm.
Complete work-up. 162 over 100.
What do you see?
Significant elevations
in leads 2, 3, and aVF.
Looks like an inferior MI.
Wish we could get his history.
Don't you have any
idea where he's from?
I can't even pronounce
his real name.
I call him Freddy.
What do you think he is?
Hmm.
He acts like a German.
[speaking German]
[speaking Greek]
[speaking Spanish]
[mumbling]
We'll need x-rays.
Right away.
Do you know if he was
taking any medication?
Not with me, he wasn't.
[groaning]
[gasping]
[speaking Greek]
[speaking Greek]
Ask him what happened.
What did he say?
[both speaking Greek]
Ask him how old he is.
Well, as long as he's
got somebody to talk to,
guess I'll split.
Bye, Freddy.
How did it happen?
His wrist, Doctor, and...
He can't breathe.
Ask him where it hurts.
O-Only the wrist, Doctor.
Um, h-he c-can't tell me.
Oh, uh, ladies and gentlemen.
Room 420.
[people exclaiming]
Room 420.
There we go.
Go on.
Come on! Come on!
Let's all go together
(announcer on TV)
So, carefully now.
In a close game like this...
Jackson checks... That's right!
He turns, faces the batter,
stretches, and here it comes!
And Jones drives
it to right field over
the first baseman's
outstretched hand.
Oh, we found you!
(Mrs. Spaulding) Quiet!
It's the bottom of the ninth.
Whack it out of the ballpark!
(woman #1) Happy birthday!
(woman #2) Oh, happy birthday!
(woman #3) Happy birthday!
There's some perfume.
I hope you like it. Go on!
Bernie, oh, we
brought champagne.
Oh, thank you.
[all chattering]
(woman #1) There we are!
The champagne, darling!
Oh, let's get the party started.
Give this to her first.
Yes, here we are.
Do we have some champagne?
Happy birthday! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday, boys!
Happy birthday to me!
(announcer on radio) Two out,
bottom of the ninth. score is 5-4.
Men on second and third.
And here's the
three-and-two pitch,
Wild! It hit him.
Got him right in
the seat of his pants!
Wild! This is one of those
really unbelievable days.
[alarm buzzing]
(dispatcher) Engine 16, Squad
51, traffic accident with injuries,
14230 East Richards.
14230 East Richards.
Cross street, Wilcox.
Time out: 16:42.
[siren wailing]
14230 East Richards.
That's five blocks
away from 16's.
You wanna bet we
get turned around?
(dispatcher 1&2) LA
Engine 16, Traffic accident,
No injuries. Return, Squad 51,
16 available.
(dispatcher ♪ 1) 10-4.
Squad 51, return,
Squad 51.
[people cheering on radio]
Score?
They lost!
Yeah, we know how it feels.
[both sighing]
(dispatcher) Headquarters
2. Your destination and ETA?
You want some coffee?
[alarm buzzing]
How fast are you?
(dispatcher) Squad 51,
car over the embankment.
[siren wailing]
(Roy) Hey, that's
along way down.
Suppose he made
it to the bottom?
(Gage) Not much to
stop him once he goes off.
I wonder what he was driving.
A tank, I hope.
Oh! Oh! Hurry!
Oh, Hubert's probably
dead by now, or worse.
Calm, calm down,
Mrs. Arkley, please.
Oh! Can they get him?
Oh! My husband,
he just... [sobbing]
Mrs. Arkley, please.
Oh!
Oh, hurry! Please hurry!
My husband! Oh!
(deputy) Brakes
must have failed.
Wife says he's a rotten driver.
She refuses to ride with him.
Yeah. Well, maybe
she's got a point.
Is there any way down there?
Firebreak. But it would take
you half an hour to get to it.
I have an ambulance on the way.
Uh, can't wait. I'm going down.
I'll anchor you.
(dispatcher) Battalion 13,
Squad 209 is 10-7 at St, Paris,
Oh! Hurry! Oh!
Johnny, you need a spanner?
Thanks.
Squad 3, what is your status?
Better watch out.
I'll get the heavy stuff.
Hey, easy!
Will you take it easy?
[siren approaching]
Johnny, are you all right?
Yeah!
Look, will you just stay where
you are and don't try to move?
I don't think I can.
[dispatcher chattering]
We're going to need a Stokes
stretcher down there. Maybe two.
Right.
Break out the rope.
We'll need a Stokes.
Where are you hurt?
Knee. I twisted it, I hope.
Is anything broken?
I don't think so. I
didn't hear anything.
You wanna see to him?
[grunting]
Can you hear me?
[giggling]
Who are you?
Are you all right?
You take your hands...
See what you did?
Are you hurt anywhere?
Is that my house?
[exclaiming]
[giggling]
Was some kind of a ride I had.
Are you okay? Do
you feel any pain?
I don't feel
nothin'. I feel good.
Y-You just stay there.
I-I'll be right back.
Wait. You got a smoke?
What a ride.
[sighing]
Not a scratch?
Nothin'.
He's plastered.
He's plastered?
Stinkin'.
He's stinkin'?
Well, at least he knows
how to handle days like today.
and see if I'm not right.
This is gonna be
one incredible day.
Just how did you figure that
out, from your horoscope?
Listen, I'm serious.
It's a scientific proven
fact that as far as accidents
and things like
that are concerned,
some days are just
worse than others.
[grunting]
Maybe it's the air, or
whatever, but there are days
when people just seem to
freak out all over the place.
Well, assuming you're right, what makes
you think that today is one of those days?
A bunch of things.
Like what, for example?
Like the fact that...
[alarm buzzing]
(dispatcher) Squad
51, First aid type rescue,
29902 Stormont Road.
29902 Stormont Road.
Cross street, Parmalee.
Time out: 09:54.
(Captain) Station
51, 10-4, KMG 365.
[engine starting]
[siren wailing]
Squad 51, further information
on your call at Stormont Road:
a woman apparently
injured falling out of a tree,
We have requested an ambulance.
Squad 51.
You wait and see.
I bet you anything this
is gonna be a weird call.
(Deputy) Okay, folks,
please step aside. Please.
Let the car through. Thank you.
Somebody please get me down!
I don't believe it.
She fell into it, not out of it.
It figures.
Squad 51 at scene.
(dispatcher) Squad
51, Time: 09:59.
What happened?
Lady parachutist.
Missed the field by a mile.
She injured?
She says it's her back.
Oh, yeah.
What are you waiting for?
Well, I'll call for the engine.
We're gonna need a ladder.
I'll check her out.
LA Squad 51.
Can you have an engine
respond to our incident, please?
10-4, Squad 51,
Do something, please!
Yes, ma'am, I'll be right up.
Squad 51, to the rescue
case on Stormont Road...
[exclaiming]
Get me down!
[panting]
How do you feel, ma'am?
I hurt all over.
Including my pride.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, uh, what about your back?
It feels terrible.
Well, here.
We'll have to cut
some of this line away.
No, you won't.
Do you know how
much this rig cost?
Don't you dare cut it.
Well, ma'am, how are
we gonna get down?
You figure it out.
That's what you're
paid for, isn't it?
What's her condition, Johnny?
Well, back pain.
But she's got feeling
and movement.
I'm gonna have to
clear some of this nylon.
You need me up there?
No, there's nothing
you can do up here.
You'll just have to
wait for the ladder.
Now... Put those scissors away.
[birds chirping]
Pull the cover down and squeeze.
Here?
Mmm-hmm.
All right.
Hurry.
I'm signed up for three more.
First I've got to get
that nearsighted pilot
a new pair of goggles.
Twice in a row, he's
dropped me short.
Men pilots.
[siren approaching]
[car door closing]
We're gonna need a ladder.
(Deputy) You fellas
step back, please.
Stand clear, here
come the ladders.
Look out.
Well, reinforcements.
It's about time, too.
Uh, let me take some
of that weight off you.
[grunting]
(fireman #1) What's up?
(fireman #2) Hey, I don't know.
What did you do that for?
We're trying to get
you down from here.
You just cost me a $3 repack.
I'll tell you what,
we'll split it with you.
Ahi estamos!
[people chattering]
Heads up!
Whew!
This can't be helping.
It's a broken, broken limb.
Must have broke when you hit.
[grunts]
Gonna need the saw.
Ouch!
Ah!
It's about the second
or third lumbar.
No penetration.
Must be pressing on a nerve.
Ouch! Oh!
Yeah, that's where it hurts.
Well, can you, can
you describe the pain?
Like a cramp. Charley horse.
Charley horse?
It doesn't hurt anymore.
Not at all?
I'm okay!
You're... you're
sure you're okay?
Now, wait a minute.
Don't be too sure, you
might have broken something.
Impossible. I can move, look.
Hang on, honey.
[giggling]
Ha, time for one
more before lunch.
One of you boys run up and
get my main for me, would you?
Hey, uh, don't you think
you better call it quits today?
Quit? Give up jumping?
This is the closest I've been
to that target in 94 jumps.
Hey, would you throw
down my helmet for me?
Thanks.
[siren wailing]
Now do you believe me?
About what?
About what a weird day this is.
You gotta admit, that was a
pretty stupid accident back there.
I gotta admit that things like
that don't happen too often.
(dispatcher) Squad 51, LA,
Squad 51.
Squad 51. Difficult breathing,
[siren wailing]
44076 South Weylan,
44076 South Weylan.
Cross street, Wilke.
Time out: 11:02.
Squad 51.
Get a repeat on that.
There's no such number.
Weylan only goes up to 5000.
That must be 4076.
LA, can we have a
repeat on that address?
Weylan could continue
400 blocks to the south.
Out in the ocean?
Squad 51, corrected
address: 4076 South Weylan.
4076 South Weylan.
Cross street, Wilke.
Squad 51.
It happens.
(dispatcher) Station
165, Squad 209,
knee snagged in the dairy.
Tasty Meadow and 135th Street.
Tasty Meadow and 135th Street.
Hey, Dad.
Dad, I'm sorry.
Pulse is 120 and irregular, we
better get the patches on him.
What happened?
It was my fault.
I shamed him into it.
Does your father have a
history of heart disease?
No. We were just jogging.
Too fast, I guess.
He had a pain in his chest.
Dad?
Sorry.
Here, we're gonna put this on.
Engine 87, Engine 26,
Broken gasoline line.
1886 Youngblood.
Rampart, this is Rescue 51.
Rescue 51?
Rampart, we have a male,
approximately 45 years old. Obese.
His blood pressure
is 146 over 98.
Pulse?
Pulse is 120 and irregular.
Pulse 120 and irregular.
Respiration is 30,
Chest pains began while jogging.
He is now conscious
and diaphoretic.
Rampart, the scope
shows sinus tachycardia
with frequent PVCs.
51, can you transmit an EKG?
10-4.
51, send me a strip.
10-4.
[siren approaching]
[beeping]
(Brackett) Looks like
he's coming around.
I'll go have a
word with his wife.
[woman on PA system]
[footsteps approaching]
M's. Lytton'? I'm Dr. Smoke“.
How is my husband, Doctor?
We'll know more
in a little while.
Wally said he's
had a heart attack.
Is that right? Is it?
Is it his heart?
I'm afraid so.
Will he be all right?
There's every possibility
of that, Mrs. Lytton.
Now, if you'll just sit down,
we'll have some more
news in a few minutes.
Was it his weight
that caused it?
Or was it the exercise?
A combination.
Plus me.
[sighing]
I'll be the one who's
killed him if he dies.
Don't talk like that.
It was just an accident.
A stupid accident.
Most accidents
are stupid, ma'am.
If he had had taken
into consideration
his age and
physical condition...
Now, if you'll excuse me...
Like some days I know.
You guys having
one of those, too?
We sure are. Did Johnny tell you
about the skydiver
we found in a tree?
No, but I've got a beaut.
Lady came in this
morning predicting
she was about to have an
appendicitis attack. And did.
Could be the moon.
Whatever it is, I'm
hungry. Let's go to lunch.
With all its skill
and resources,
medical science is
sure to figure it out.
Uh-uh.
[machine beeping]
Well, he's looking better.
Let me know when
we get the lab report.
Right.
Have Joe take a look
at it, too, huh, Dix?
(woman on PA system)
Dr. Waltman, 64.
How is he?
Will he be all right?
I think so.
I think so.
[sighing]
Come in, 65,
I think he's out of
immediate danger.
All we can do is wait.
Better move him
into Intensive Care.
Dr. Early?
There's a lady who's
threatening to sue
the county if we
don't let her go home.
Okay. I'll be right there.
Oh, Ms. McCall, Dr. Brackett
needs you in 4 right away.
[exclaiming]
I'll get out of here!
Oh, don't!
Are you a doctor?
Listen, it's certainly time
somebody sent for a doctor.
Would you please let me go?
Doctor, there's absolutely
nothing wrong with me.
It's just a sprain.
Yes, ma'am. What's sprained?
Don't "ma'am" me. It's my ankle.
Of course. Let's have a look.
This is Mrs.
Bernadine Spaulding.
This is Dr. Early.
Doctor, have you got
the authority to release me
or are you just another
one of them students?
Let's have a look first, ma'am.
There you go again.
How would you like it if I was
calling you "mister" all the time?
Now, I am telling you, Doctor,
there is absolutely
nothing wrong with me.
I simply fell and
twisted my ankle while...
While...
While?
Well... She was dancing.
Yes. Dancing.
It's my birthday, and I
guess I can dance if I want to.
Of course, Mrs. Spaulding.
And congratulations.
On your birthday, I mean.
Oh, thank you. I'm 80!
(Joe) No!
Yes. And I feel just perfect.
Look, I can still
do my high kicks!
Oh, but, please let me go, I
want to get back to my party.
Considerable swelling.
Oh!
Oh!
Now, does this hurt?
No. It doesn't hurt.
How about when
I turn it this way?
No.
Did Dr. Brackett get the x-rays?
Not yet.
That's what we're gonna
have to do, Mrs. Spaulding.
X-ray your ankle to make
sure everything is all right.
Oh.
It won't hurt a bit.
It isn't the hurt,
it's my party.
Don't you understand
that I'm the guest of honor?
How can they celebrate,
with me in this
smelly institution?
Where is there a telephone?
We'll get to a phone
soon enough, don't worry.
Notify X-ray.
I'm allowed one call, you know.
Yes, ma'am. We go
strictly by the book here.
You'd better, Doctor, or I'll
throw the book right at you.
(woman on PA) Can I have a
doctor in the treatment room?
Can I have a doctor
in the treatment room?
Are they gonna give
me a room of my own?
Are you free?
That depends.
You mind solving a
problem I have in 5?
Lead on.
Has his annual
meeting this afternoon.
Big speech to deliver.
But he can't say a word.
He's been hiccupping
since yesterday.
Hiccups?
I think we're having the same
kind of a day as the Fire Department.
[hiccupping]
(Mrs. Merkl) Oh,
sweetheart, darling.
Uh, this is Dr. Brackett.
Mr. Merkl and his
wife, Mrs. Merkl.
Oh, how do you
do? How do you do?
You gotta help me, doc.
You gotta help me
get rid of these damn...
Hiccups. All right,
just relax, Mr. Merkl.
Don't try to talk. Lie back.
Yes, lie down, honey.
[gasping]
Sorry.
[hiccupping]
Try to breathe slowly
and as deeply as you can.
When did they start?
Last night. Stop them, please.
What did he have for dinner?
We had dinner at
my mother's house.
They haven't found
a name for it yet.
Arthur.
[hiccups continue]
Prepare some
chlorpromazine, 25 mg IM.
Have you had a recent operation?
Uh, no.
History of heart trouble?
No.
[gasping] How
about liver problems?
Sorry.
Ooh, ooh.
Whew.
[hiccupping]
Were you drinking last night?
I just wish I had been.
What about pancreatitis?
Hernia?
Have you had an ulcer?
Sorry.
What about inhalation therapy?
Let's try this first.
(M's. Mam“ Oh!
It's just a sedation.
It'll help him to relax.
Relax? I can't afford to relax.
W-What time is it?
Don't think about that.
B-b-but... but...
Don't let them put
me to sleep, you...
Sleep.
[hiccupping]
I'm mam that's what you're
gonna have to do, Mr. Mend.
Give your phrenic
nerves time to unwind.
Yeah, but... but... but...
But... but what will
they do without me?
They're depending on me.
Well, they can't use you
in this condition, Mr. Merkl,
except for a metronome.
You just try and take it easy.
Uh, listen.
Yes, ma'am?
[whispers] Was it really
my mother's cooking?
What did you say?
Honestly, it's out
of the question.
(woman #1) But, it's
also her 80th birthday.
(woman #2) And it's about
time you divulged where she's at.
Mrs. Spaulding's
personal birthday party.
Are you in command here?
Most of the time.
I'm not sure about
today, though.
We need a private room.
And money is no object.
Well, I'm sorry. She's
still in Emergency.
We have to get an
x-ray of her ankle.
(woman) Dr. Allen...
We shall wait.
Yes, get cracking.
Yes, ma'am.
Would you mind waiting
in the waiting room, please?
[people chattering]
I don't know what it
is with today. Do you?
Uh-huh.
It's what we call a
scientific enigma.
I guess we only have one hope.
Eventually it'll be tomorrow.
Maybe if we just stay quiet,
the world won't know we're here.
Nah, the dispatcher
can find us anywhere.
Maybe we could
hide in the hospital.
Why would the hospital be safe?
How would you two like to
take a fire prevention run?
Go down and check out
some electrical wiring.
Cap, on a day like today
we'd get electrocuted.
A little jolt might
do you some good.
Get you back on
your feet, at least.
Cap, you would not believe
the kind of day we're having.
You're right.
And we've got over
17 hours left to go.
Gage, you just naturally
exaggerate everything.
Today is no worse
that any other day.
[alarm buzzing]
(dispatcher) Squad 51,
man trapped in freezer.
9305 Wahlgren.
9305 Wahlgren.
Cross street, Button Crescent.
Time out: 14:41.
(Captain) Squad
51, 10-4. KMG 365.
Exaggerate, huh?
[siren wailing]
This way, men.
Freezer's in the back.
Can't let him get away with it.
He's too young.
He... he's probably gone by now.
Been at least 10 minutes.
Where are his parents?
(woman) Acapulco.
Said he was
putting himself on ice
till the world improved.
A real genius.
Now, don't go putting him down.
He's just young.
Been studying
almost a year. Ha-ha.
He knows all about hibernation.
He'd better.
(Roy) You better
get some blankets.
Blankets. Yeah, okay.
[grunting]
(Gage) He sure
thought of everything.
(woman) Where do you want it?
(Roy) Put it right down
here. Put it down there.
[panting]
Pulse is 100,
there's no cyanosis.
Breathing sounds fine.
This thing couldn't
have been airtight.
Ralph knows how to
suppress his breathing.
He sure does. He's
been at the bottom
of the pool over four
minutes lots of times.
Let's just hope he
goes swimming again.
His mother will murder him
when she sees her freezer.
Respiration is about
15, strong and regular.
Blood pressure is
120 over 80. He's fine.
Let's wrap him up.
What have you got?
Uh, freezer victim, but
we got him out in time.
Well, that figures,
a day like today.
Shall I cancel the ambulance?
Yeah, please. Right.
[shivering]
What...
What... what... What
year... year is... is this?
Same one, man.
(woman) You blew it, Ralph.
(Lorick) You just
can't win, buddy.
On a day like this, who can?
[sneezing]
Wouldn't be a bad thing to know.
They do it in the Himalayas.
If you prepare yourself right,
you can zap yourself
in and out anytime.
I can see how you'd go in.
But I wonder how you get out.
Hmm.
Yeah. That could be a problem.
Wanna bet how long we've
got before it goes off again?
No, but I'll give you odds
it'll be something peculiar.
You feel like a coffee?
Now, who's got time for coffee?
You know, Johnny, you're
really letting this day get to you.
[sighing]
[alarm buzzing]
(dispatcher) Squad
51, Snakebite.
Mitchell Park Golf
Course. East Gate.
Mitchell Park Golf
Course. East Gate.
Cross street, Williston.
Time out: 15:33.
[siren approaching]
What happened?
Girl. Name's Penny Finch.
She was playing golf
and went into the brush
to get her ball and
a rattler got her.
We put a blanket under her.
How long ago?
About 15 minutes.
She's not looking good.
I'll bet. Give me
a hand, will you?
Sure.
Where did it get
you, Miss Finch?
Right here. It sure hurts.
(Deputy) Ambulance is on
the way. I'll go back and wait.
All right. Thanks for the help.
Anytime.
Color's bad.
Well, the rate's up.
It's 120, regular but weak.
[gasping]
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
You just hold that
on your face for me.
You're... you're
not going to cut me?
Ah, you'll hardly feel it.
(Gage) Rampart.
This is Rescue 51.
Incising it will allow us to
draw some of the venom out.
Blood pressure is 100 over 50.
[gasping]
The 02 isn't working.
She's going into
cardiovascular collapse.
Raise her head.
The stuff must have injected
right into her vein or artery.
51, this is Rampart. Go ahead.
Rampart. We have
a rattlesnake victim.
Female. Approximately 28.
Medium build, 120 pounds.
Vital signs, respiration 15.
Well, hold it. It's changed.
Uh, blood pressure
is 90 over 40.
Pulse rate is 130.
Still regular but weak.
Blood pressure, 90 over 40.
Pulse 130. Regular but weak.
She's currently
unresponsive and cyanotic.
We have her on
five liters of oxygen.
51, how long ago,
and where's the bite?
20 minutes ago. It's
on the calf of her leg.
Sounds like the venom's
already in her circulatory system.
I'll get pharmacy
going on the antivenin.
51, establish an
IV route at once.
DSW to keep open.
Piggyback an aramine
drip. Continue oxygen.
Transport as soon as you can.
10-4.
[siren approaching]
[siren blaring]
[car door closing]
We're set up in 4.
Hemolysis.
Type her fast.
Also CBC and urinalysis.
You may have
gotten her here in time.
Set oxygen to five liters.
This is Dixie McCall.
Are you ready with that
antivenin in Treatment 4?
BP is 100 over 50.
Increase drip rate on aramine.
Complete work-up.
Fast as you can.
I'll need it in five minutes.
Never happen. They
told me half an hour.
This girl could be in the
morgue in half an hour.
So I'll talk nice to 'em.
Ready, Dix?
Ready.
(Brackett) It's up to her now.
She looks pretty tough.
(woman it“ Where is she?
Ma'am, I don't even know...
We know she's here, young man.
Alone on her birthday.
And it may be her
very last birthday.
(woman #1) And if we
don't find out where she is...
(woman #2) We're
going straight to the top.
Who are you?
Oh, well, he's closer
to the top than I am.
Very well. Where is Bernadine?
Thank you.
Thank you, young man.
(woman on PA system) Miss
Jones, receptionist, please.
How is Penny?
Well, it's up to the
antivenin and Dr. Brackett.
Now do you believe me, what
kind of a day this is turning out to be?
I think it's mostly
your imagination.
Yeah, mine or the, uh, victims'?
You just gotta
convince me, don't you?
Miss Jones, reception, please.
Ooh, excuse me.
What happened?
Foot full of little holes.
Dropped his shotgun.
[man on radio chattering]
Squad 51 available.
(dispatcher) Squad 51,
You know, I still don't think
we should have gone available.
We should go home and hide
before some ridiculous
accident happens to us.
[sighing]
Patrol 2, call your office.
[engine sputtering]
[engine starting]
Patrol 3, call station house.
Come on, Freddy, get inside.
Come on, come on.
[speaking Greek]
Hey, you guys wanna
give me a hand?
Huh?
[groaning]
[speaking Greek]
What have you got?
[coughing]
[groaning]
Okay. Get him to 5.
What's wrong with him?
Don't know yet.
(Jackie) Help him, please.
(Joe) Where does it hurt?
Can he describe the pain?
Give up, Doc. He
don't speak a word.
Get an IV ready and patch him.
What does he speak, do you know?
I don't know.
He's a sailor off some
foreign ship, I think.
Well, what happened?
Well, we were just...
Ah, well, what I
mean is, you see, he...
Well, uh... Look,
all I did was...
Oh, I don't know.
Look, all of a sudden he just
started yelling and then, uh...
And then he couldn't breathe
and all of a sudden, uh, uh,
it looked like his
arms are hurting him.
Chest pain?
How long have you known him?
What was he doing at the time?
We'll start the IV.
DEW to keep open.
And 12-lead EKG.
He's orthopneic.
Set at five liters.
Not here, please.
Diaphoretic. Cyanosis.
Rate 50.
Let's give him atropine,
5 mg. An IV push.
Right.
[beeping]
Hey,
why is that thing, uh,
bouncing up and down?
Be glad it is.
Let's get a set
of bloods on him.
How's he doing?
Mmm.
Complete work-up. 162 over 100.
What do you see?
Significant elevations
in leads 2, 3, and aVF.
Looks like an inferior MI.
Wish we could get his history.
Don't you have any
idea where he's from?
I can't even pronounce
his real name.
I call him Freddy.
What do you think he is?
Hmm.
He acts like a German.
[speaking German]
[speaking Greek]
[speaking Spanish]
[mumbling]
We'll need x-rays.
Right away.
Do you know if he was
taking any medication?
Not with me, he wasn't.
[groaning]
[gasping]
[speaking Greek]
[speaking Greek]
Ask him what happened.
What did he say?
[both speaking Greek]
Ask him how old he is.
Well, as long as he's
got somebody to talk to,
guess I'll split.
Bye, Freddy.
How did it happen?
His wrist, Doctor, and...
He can't breathe.
Ask him where it hurts.
O-Only the wrist, Doctor.
Um, h-he c-can't tell me.
Oh, uh, ladies and gentlemen.
Room 420.
[people exclaiming]
Room 420.
There we go.
Go on.
Come on! Come on!
Let's all go together
(announcer on TV)
So, carefully now.
In a close game like this...
Jackson checks... That's right!
He turns, faces the batter,
stretches, and here it comes!
And Jones drives
it to right field over
the first baseman's
outstretched hand.
Oh, we found you!
(Mrs. Spaulding) Quiet!
It's the bottom of the ninth.
Whack it out of the ballpark!
(woman #1) Happy birthday!
(woman #2) Oh, happy birthday!
(woman #3) Happy birthday!
There's some perfume.
I hope you like it. Go on!
Bernie, oh, we
brought champagne.
Oh, thank you.
[all chattering]
(woman #1) There we are!
The champagne, darling!
Oh, let's get the party started.
Give this to her first.
Yes, here we are.
Do we have some champagne?
Happy birthday! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday, boys!
Happy birthday to me!
(announcer on radio) Two out,
bottom of the ninth. score is 5-4.
Men on second and third.
And here's the
three-and-two pitch,
Wild! It hit him.
Got him right in
the seat of his pants!
Wild! This is one of those
really unbelievable days.
[alarm buzzing]
(dispatcher) Engine 16, Squad
51, traffic accident with injuries,
14230 East Richards.
14230 East Richards.
Cross street, Wilcox.
Time out: 16:42.
[siren wailing]
14230 East Richards.
That's five blocks
away from 16's.
You wanna bet we
get turned around?
(dispatcher 1&2) LA
Engine 16, Traffic accident,
No injuries. Return, Squad 51,
16 available.
(dispatcher ♪ 1) 10-4.
Squad 51, return,
Squad 51.
[people cheering on radio]
Score?
They lost!
Yeah, we know how it feels.
[both sighing]
(dispatcher) Headquarters
2. Your destination and ETA?
You want some coffee?
[alarm buzzing]
How fast are you?
(dispatcher) Squad 51,
car over the embankment.
[siren wailing]
(Roy) Hey, that's
along way down.
Suppose he made
it to the bottom?
(Gage) Not much to
stop him once he goes off.
I wonder what he was driving.
A tank, I hope.
Oh! Oh! Hurry!
Oh, Hubert's probably
dead by now, or worse.
Calm, calm down,
Mrs. Arkley, please.
Oh! Can they get him?
Oh! My husband,
he just... [sobbing]
Mrs. Arkley, please.
Oh!
Oh, hurry! Please hurry!
My husband! Oh!
(deputy) Brakes
must have failed.
Wife says he's a rotten driver.
She refuses to ride with him.
Yeah. Well, maybe
she's got a point.
Is there any way down there?
Firebreak. But it would take
you half an hour to get to it.
I have an ambulance on the way.
Uh, can't wait. I'm going down.
I'll anchor you.
(dispatcher) Battalion 13,
Squad 209 is 10-7 at St, Paris,
Oh! Hurry! Oh!
Johnny, you need a spanner?
Thanks.
Squad 3, what is your status?
Better watch out.
I'll get the heavy stuff.
Hey, easy!
Will you take it easy?
[siren approaching]
Johnny, are you all right?
Yeah!
Look, will you just stay where
you are and don't try to move?
I don't think I can.
[dispatcher chattering]
We're going to need a Stokes
stretcher down there. Maybe two.
Right.
Break out the rope.
We'll need a Stokes.
Where are you hurt?
Knee. I twisted it, I hope.
Is anything broken?
I don't think so. I
didn't hear anything.
You wanna see to him?
[grunting]
Can you hear me?
[giggling]
Who are you?
Are you all right?
You take your hands...
See what you did?
Are you hurt anywhere?
Is that my house?
[exclaiming]
[giggling]
Was some kind of a ride I had.
Are you okay? Do
you feel any pain?
I don't feel
nothin'. I feel good.
Y-You just stay there.
I-I'll be right back.
Wait. You got a smoke?
What a ride.
[sighing]
Not a scratch?
Nothin'.
He's plastered.
He's plastered?
Stinkin'.
He's stinkin'?
Well, at least he knows
how to handle days like today.