Eleita (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Relações Exteriores - full transcript
What is it?
-I need to borrow a costume.
-What?
A costume.
-I don't wear costumes.
-Congrats, Juan.
You woke up in bed with the only queer
without a costume.
That's not a costume, Juan.
Now it is. As if I'd show up
boringly dressed at the Palace.
-The Governor would kill me.
-That's crazy.
I can't believe
she takes Carnival so seriously.
Marlon, it's the only thing
she takes seriously in her life.
You look great.
What?
Nothing.
Imagine if my friends find out
I'm banging a cop.
My life would be over.
Hottie!
ELECTED
I'd really appreciate it if you could stop
the governor from having fun.
"Too much fun."
Netinho, you're asking me
to recreate a toxic behavior
that goes against my process.
But it's your duty as First Lady.
-Damn, even you're calling me that now.
-You're not helping.
Yeah, like, your costume is very cool.
This napkin is a treasure.
An original
used by the actual Napkin Party.
Inheritance from Daddy.
Okay. So 10 million?
Where am I supposed to get 10 million?
The state's broke.
Tell them the boss is crazy.
End of meeting.
Nanda, I'm coming.
Send me your location.
I'm going to hug you so much
you're going to fart.
I'm gonna die!
Hey, Gov, I just want to clarify
that you're the face of this state.
-So behave yourself.
-No, no, no.
Until Ash Wednesday
I'm not the face of anything.
I'm just an ordinary drunk
peeing on the streets.
-But it doesn't work like that.
-Baby, I'm tired of explaining.
And the use of the official car,
with the driver for your own benefit,
may be considered dishonest.
-Governor!
-I won't survive this Carnival!
-My God!
-Drive, Marlon!
Step on it, Marlon!
Governor, I have some bad news.
Before going out,
you must attend the President's Ball.
No, no, no, Netinho. No.
That's not the real Carnival.
It's our shot to get
the pre-pre-salt fields deal.
He brought that oil company entourage.
He messaged you directly.
-You read my direct messages?
-As a matter of fact, we need to talk.
Fefê...
Want a ride?
Of course.
-Pastor, should I ask the car to wait?
-Dismiss it. I will be late.
-Go. Enjoy your holiday.
-No. No one else is here.
The palace is empty.
Praise the Lord!
I need quiet to have a quick chat.
Lord, I need a sign.
He put you here. It's your mission.
Vanity alert.
You can't question God's will.
If God asked you to jump off a bridge,
would you?
No doubt. No doubt.
This bridge I'm thinking
about jumping off of is very high.
I'll need an extra push.
The state needs money.
Someone has to buy these new oil fields.
Otherwise, it'll be worse
than the 2019 mega auction fiasco.
-Translation?
-Nobody bought it.
-Petrobras had to buy it all.
-Netinho, you're not getting it.
I must go to this party.
It's my tradition with Nanda.
She's talked about it for weeks.
With your smooth talk, you'll convince
the prince in 10 minutes.
-After that you're free to die.
-Promise?
Hey, girl, I need to get some work done
with that butthole Netinho.
But as soon as I close this deal,
I'll meet you at the party. Love you.
May I ask you something?
-Do you think this costume is troubling?
-No.
-It's not?
-No, you can't ask me a question.
Teresa? Seriously, tell me.
What's going on?
Have I done something wrong?
-Counselor? What the fuck have I done?
-Nothing.
I just don't get all this fuss.
The world is ending.
The heat is insane.
I want to be in my air-conditioned room,
with my rosé and reality TV.
But no. Would you rather be here?
I'd rather my pantyhose
was not roasting my crotch.
Yes, it is.
-What?
-Troubling. Your costume.
I'm going to kill Juan.
For all you guys, fans of Brazil.
Good evening, my fellow voters.
It's with great honor
that we're here at the President's Ball
next to my great partner,
the governor of Rio de Janeiro,
my partner, Fefita.
-I can call you Fefita, right?
-I prefer Fefê.
Too bad, I'm the President!
Just kidding! Just kidding!
Do that thing.
I'm dead inside.
Please help me get out of here.
Lord,
I need to hear Your voice.
Are You there?
It's me, Father.
I am the chosen one
to free this place from Hell.
I am the chosen one
to save this place from ruin.
Because I need to know
if I am pulling away from You
and corrupting myself,
or if I'm hearing Your voice,
and finding my purpose.
And every year we carry out
a thorough research.
It was my idea, Governor.
To evaluate how the children
in our environment are responding.
What did we realize?
I ask and answer myself.
That the children arrive
without ever having seen a book.
No physical contact with a book.
-Can you imagine that?
-Netinho is calling you.
What a shame! The chat was great.
We'll carefully think about your proposal.
Thank you so much.
-Bye.
-Bye.
A toast!
Dear, it's your fourth glass.
You should stop.
I'm working.
This is Prince Amir,
representative of that oil company
I told you about earlier.
May peace be upon you.
And upon you, too.
-Oops.
-And may peace be with you.
This is the only thing
I know how to say in Arabic.
"This is all I know how to say in Arabic."
Your Excellency,
we're counting on you.
Rio de Janeiro have much, much, very oil.
Speaking of alcohol, I have a challenge.
A challenge for our Suzana.
Let's see if she can do it.
-Are you daring me, Mr. President?
-I dare you. Come on.
-Waiter, bring me a tall can.
-Cássio!
-A tall can.
-Tall.
-Cássio brought the tallest.
-Voters, here's the deal!
I'm here with Suzana Alves,
our Education Secretary,
if she manages to...
finish this tall can in 20 seconds,
I'll approve a raise for the teachers!
-I'll open my mouth!
-Brazil is in your hands.
Approved! Approved!
This one goes
to all the teachers in Brazil.
You're willing to go
through this because of one veto?
No. That's why I summoned you.
Make jokes, but I'm not letting you
offer drugs to a Saudi.
-It's my only option.
-Juan?
If she wants a shitshow,
I'm obliged to help.
Don't interfere with my job.
You can't drug someone
without their consent.
No, no, no.
No one is drugging anyone
without their consent. I'll offer it.
If he says yes, it's a yes.
A person gets chatty when high.
I, Juan, think it's a great idea.
There are people
who want you to do well,
and those who just want to have fun.
Look at what I'm missing.
Come, girl! You can still make it.
We need to talk! It's important.
Maybe it's a sign
to have a quieter Carnival.
You got so boring
after you became First Lady.
Dear, come with me.
-Livia.
-Governor.
This is Livia, First Lady of Campos.
This is my First Lady.
Livia was just telling me
about her wonderful project.
It's something about books. Books, right?
-Yes, books.
-For children.
-It's called Vintage Education.
-Retro.
Anyway, she'll tell you all about it.
Would you explain to him?
With details.
It will be my pleasure.
Have you ever picked up a book?
What about you? You?
This is a crucial question.
Attention, First Ladies.
-What's your name?
-André.
Sorry about this.
My darling, I'll tell you, honestly.
My favorite fingers
are pinky, thumb and middle finger.
The middle is my favorite.
-Mr. President.
-Hey, honey.
-I want to talk about a serious issue.
-Of course. Voter's pose!
-No, it's not...
-Come on, do it.
I think it's very important
to vote against these new rules
-about the pre-pre-salt exploration.
-Yes.
So hear me out, guys.
Let's pay attention. Go ahead, say it.
People, the chamber has gone crazy.
They want to change the rules
and share the oil mining profits.
Which is absurd!
But isn't it fair?
No, it's not fair.
The state's getting screwed
with the exploration of oil.
So nothing fairer than the state
getting a bigger share in profits.
This is dull.
It's ruining my live stream.
-People are leaving.
-This is important.
-We're flopping.
-What should I do?
Let the viewers decide. Let's open a poll.
What can she do for us?
Ecstasy and molly.
LSD and ketamine.
Naughty boy.
We're still here at the President's Ball,
with our dearest, on our livestream.
The state cabinet's head chief
will go under the rope.
Veto or no veto?
Girl, you're driving me nuts.
What is it? Are you having a baby?
-No.
-It's more serious than having a baby?
-It's not a baby.
-My God, what can be worse than a baby?
I got a job in São Paulo.
In person.
Girl, it's a great company, great salary,
I make my own schedule, it's a dream.
You said job?
I wanted to tell you in the tunnel.
A special present.
Yes, work, yes.
Discounts, grants, my body.
Going under the rope.
Look at her. Wonderful.
Mr. President, pardon my interruption,
but it's me who should be going.
Look who we have here!
My friend, Netinho Junior.
The worst of the Netinhos.
-Shout out, Netinho!
-Hello.
Your nephew is watching, say hello.
Now, listen up.
He came and said that he's doing
the under the rope challenge.
We want to see it, right?
Go, get in place.
My friend, you got lucky.
Saved by the bell.
Counselor?
-Are you sure?
-It's for my state.
Beautiful thing. You're the man.
Our numbers are rising!
People love you. Go on, man.
Judge Tânia Vasconcelos
is your ex-wife, right?
-Do you want the veto or not?
-No, I'm old-fashioned.
I'm uninterested in public humiliation.
Netinho! Who do you think you are?
My owner? My nanny?
My dog walker?
Can we talk about this somewhere else?
-No, here is fine by me.
-So be it.
The deal with the oil company
has already been made.
So why did you send me
on this silly mission?
I wanted to keep you here
so you wouldn't run away,
attend the street party, do drugs,
jump from the Perimetral Bridge
and die.
That bridge no longer exists.
You'd find a way
to jump from somewhere.
Don't treat me like a child.
-Then don't act like one.
-You're not my father.
If I wanted a daughter,
I would've had one.
-Sorry. I didn't mean that.
-No, I see what you mean.
And that's the base of retro education.
Classes with desks,
chairs and sometimes...
even teachers.
Sorry, Livia, I must excuse myself.
Can I give you some First Lady advice,
since I'm on my fifth term?
Don't let yourself
get sucked into the Governor's life.
Focus on yourself.
-I promised I'd care for her.
-But there are moments
when we must stop and tell ourselves,
"I am my own woman."
I mean, person. Get it?
You are your own person.
It's time you built your legacy.
My office has no budget, Livia.
But it has visibility.
Your numbers are great. People trust you.
Who knows why, but they do.
Must be my idiotic face.
It'd be a shame
not to take advantage of that.
André, focus on yourself.
Hey, babe,
have you been dumped by your man?
No, I am my own person.
-Come on, princess!
-I am my own person.
I am my own person!
Look at her! Empowered!
-Where's the street party?
-It's gone.
-Cellphone.
-Your Excellency threw it in the toilet.
Such a humiliation...
Tic tac toe new napkin party.
-What's this?
-Hashtag new napkin party.
Welcome to the future.
What a horrible place.
-Let's get out of here.
-Hey, what about magic?
-Molly is hitting.
-No magic more.
-You made the party come back?
-No, dude. It was a Carnival miracle.
-Magic!
-Come on, Leleco!
Was it you?
Are you insinuating that I used
the state police to close off an avenue,
forcing a street party to turn around,
only to satisfy
the wishes of the governor?
Yes.
Is this a crime?
Embezzlement.
MARLON
Praise the Lord!
My cellphone fell in the toilet.
I think you should go.
The quality of life in São Paulo is great.
The governor, Vanessa Camargo,
is doing an excellent job. Really.
Liar, you're mad at me. I know you.
Girl, I'm just the large intestine
in front of the small intestine,
asking that we start a shitshow.
They started walking!
Dude, next year we die'll for real.
Girl, we're cool, right?
You're not gonna flip out
in two days for no reason?
No.
Promise we won't fight?
Girl, if I tell you something,
you promise not to tell anyone?
I think I'm becoming an adult.
-No way.
-I swear! I swear!
I have appointments.
I have responsibilities.
My baby has grown up.
Fuck, I lost the prince.
Prince?
Saudi Prince gets caught
with two boys at a street party.
This is the title of the video
that's been causing trouble
in the Middle East,
and raised oil prices by 27%,
now at $234 a barrel.
Once again, Carnival brings joy
to the people of Rio de Janeiro.
-I need to borrow a costume.
-What?
A costume.
-I don't wear costumes.
-Congrats, Juan.
You woke up in bed with the only queer
without a costume.
That's not a costume, Juan.
Now it is. As if I'd show up
boringly dressed at the Palace.
-The Governor would kill me.
-That's crazy.
I can't believe
she takes Carnival so seriously.
Marlon, it's the only thing
she takes seriously in her life.
You look great.
What?
Nothing.
Imagine if my friends find out
I'm banging a cop.
My life would be over.
Hottie!
ELECTED
I'd really appreciate it if you could stop
the governor from having fun.
"Too much fun."
Netinho, you're asking me
to recreate a toxic behavior
that goes against my process.
But it's your duty as First Lady.
-Damn, even you're calling me that now.
-You're not helping.
Yeah, like, your costume is very cool.
This napkin is a treasure.
An original
used by the actual Napkin Party.
Inheritance from Daddy.
Okay. So 10 million?
Where am I supposed to get 10 million?
The state's broke.
Tell them the boss is crazy.
End of meeting.
Nanda, I'm coming.
Send me your location.
I'm going to hug you so much
you're going to fart.
I'm gonna die!
Hey, Gov, I just want to clarify
that you're the face of this state.
-So behave yourself.
-No, no, no.
Until Ash Wednesday
I'm not the face of anything.
I'm just an ordinary drunk
peeing on the streets.
-But it doesn't work like that.
-Baby, I'm tired of explaining.
And the use of the official car,
with the driver for your own benefit,
may be considered dishonest.
-Governor!
-I won't survive this Carnival!
-My God!
-Drive, Marlon!
Step on it, Marlon!
Governor, I have some bad news.
Before going out,
you must attend the President's Ball.
No, no, no, Netinho. No.
That's not the real Carnival.
It's our shot to get
the pre-pre-salt fields deal.
He brought that oil company entourage.
He messaged you directly.
-You read my direct messages?
-As a matter of fact, we need to talk.
Fefê...
Want a ride?
Of course.
-Pastor, should I ask the car to wait?
-Dismiss it. I will be late.
-Go. Enjoy your holiday.
-No. No one else is here.
The palace is empty.
Praise the Lord!
I need quiet to have a quick chat.
Lord, I need a sign.
He put you here. It's your mission.
Vanity alert.
You can't question God's will.
If God asked you to jump off a bridge,
would you?
No doubt. No doubt.
This bridge I'm thinking
about jumping off of is very high.
I'll need an extra push.
The state needs money.
Someone has to buy these new oil fields.
Otherwise, it'll be worse
than the 2019 mega auction fiasco.
-Translation?
-Nobody bought it.
-Petrobras had to buy it all.
-Netinho, you're not getting it.
I must go to this party.
It's my tradition with Nanda.
She's talked about it for weeks.
With your smooth talk, you'll convince
the prince in 10 minutes.
-After that you're free to die.
-Promise?
Hey, girl, I need to get some work done
with that butthole Netinho.
But as soon as I close this deal,
I'll meet you at the party. Love you.
May I ask you something?
-Do you think this costume is troubling?
-No.
-It's not?
-No, you can't ask me a question.
Teresa? Seriously, tell me.
What's going on?
Have I done something wrong?
-Counselor? What the fuck have I done?
-Nothing.
I just don't get all this fuss.
The world is ending.
The heat is insane.
I want to be in my air-conditioned room,
with my rosé and reality TV.
But no. Would you rather be here?
I'd rather my pantyhose
was not roasting my crotch.
Yes, it is.
-What?
-Troubling. Your costume.
I'm going to kill Juan.
For all you guys, fans of Brazil.
Good evening, my fellow voters.
It's with great honor
that we're here at the President's Ball
next to my great partner,
the governor of Rio de Janeiro,
my partner, Fefita.
-I can call you Fefita, right?
-I prefer Fefê.
Too bad, I'm the President!
Just kidding! Just kidding!
Do that thing.
I'm dead inside.
Please help me get out of here.
Lord,
I need to hear Your voice.
Are You there?
It's me, Father.
I am the chosen one
to free this place from Hell.
I am the chosen one
to save this place from ruin.
Because I need to know
if I am pulling away from You
and corrupting myself,
or if I'm hearing Your voice,
and finding my purpose.
And every year we carry out
a thorough research.
It was my idea, Governor.
To evaluate how the children
in our environment are responding.
What did we realize?
I ask and answer myself.
That the children arrive
without ever having seen a book.
No physical contact with a book.
-Can you imagine that?
-Netinho is calling you.
What a shame! The chat was great.
We'll carefully think about your proposal.
Thank you so much.
-Bye.
-Bye.
A toast!
Dear, it's your fourth glass.
You should stop.
I'm working.
This is Prince Amir,
representative of that oil company
I told you about earlier.
May peace be upon you.
And upon you, too.
-Oops.
-And may peace be with you.
This is the only thing
I know how to say in Arabic.
"This is all I know how to say in Arabic."
Your Excellency,
we're counting on you.
Rio de Janeiro have much, much, very oil.
Speaking of alcohol, I have a challenge.
A challenge for our Suzana.
Let's see if she can do it.
-Are you daring me, Mr. President?
-I dare you. Come on.
-Waiter, bring me a tall can.
-Cássio!
-A tall can.
-Tall.
-Cássio brought the tallest.
-Voters, here's the deal!
I'm here with Suzana Alves,
our Education Secretary,
if she manages to...
finish this tall can in 20 seconds,
I'll approve a raise for the teachers!
-I'll open my mouth!
-Brazil is in your hands.
Approved! Approved!
This one goes
to all the teachers in Brazil.
You're willing to go
through this because of one veto?
No. That's why I summoned you.
Make jokes, but I'm not letting you
offer drugs to a Saudi.
-It's my only option.
-Juan?
If she wants a shitshow,
I'm obliged to help.
Don't interfere with my job.
You can't drug someone
without their consent.
No, no, no.
No one is drugging anyone
without their consent. I'll offer it.
If he says yes, it's a yes.
A person gets chatty when high.
I, Juan, think it's a great idea.
There are people
who want you to do well,
and those who just want to have fun.
Look at what I'm missing.
Come, girl! You can still make it.
We need to talk! It's important.
Maybe it's a sign
to have a quieter Carnival.
You got so boring
after you became First Lady.
Dear, come with me.
-Livia.
-Governor.
This is Livia, First Lady of Campos.
This is my First Lady.
Livia was just telling me
about her wonderful project.
It's something about books. Books, right?
-Yes, books.
-For children.
-It's called Vintage Education.
-Retro.
Anyway, she'll tell you all about it.
Would you explain to him?
With details.
It will be my pleasure.
Have you ever picked up a book?
What about you? You?
This is a crucial question.
Attention, First Ladies.
-What's your name?
-André.
Sorry about this.
My darling, I'll tell you, honestly.
My favorite fingers
are pinky, thumb and middle finger.
The middle is my favorite.
-Mr. President.
-Hey, honey.
-I want to talk about a serious issue.
-Of course. Voter's pose!
-No, it's not...
-Come on, do it.
I think it's very important
to vote against these new rules
-about the pre-pre-salt exploration.
-Yes.
So hear me out, guys.
Let's pay attention. Go ahead, say it.
People, the chamber has gone crazy.
They want to change the rules
and share the oil mining profits.
Which is absurd!
But isn't it fair?
No, it's not fair.
The state's getting screwed
with the exploration of oil.
So nothing fairer than the state
getting a bigger share in profits.
This is dull.
It's ruining my live stream.
-People are leaving.
-This is important.
-We're flopping.
-What should I do?
Let the viewers decide. Let's open a poll.
What can she do for us?
Ecstasy and molly.
LSD and ketamine.
Naughty boy.
We're still here at the President's Ball,
with our dearest, on our livestream.
The state cabinet's head chief
will go under the rope.
Veto or no veto?
Girl, you're driving me nuts.
What is it? Are you having a baby?
-No.
-It's more serious than having a baby?
-It's not a baby.
-My God, what can be worse than a baby?
I got a job in São Paulo.
In person.
Girl, it's a great company, great salary,
I make my own schedule, it's a dream.
You said job?
I wanted to tell you in the tunnel.
A special present.
Yes, work, yes.
Discounts, grants, my body.
Going under the rope.
Look at her. Wonderful.
Mr. President, pardon my interruption,
but it's me who should be going.
Look who we have here!
My friend, Netinho Junior.
The worst of the Netinhos.
-Shout out, Netinho!
-Hello.
Your nephew is watching, say hello.
Now, listen up.
He came and said that he's doing
the under the rope challenge.
We want to see it, right?
Go, get in place.
My friend, you got lucky.
Saved by the bell.
Counselor?
-Are you sure?
-It's for my state.
Beautiful thing. You're the man.
Our numbers are rising!
People love you. Go on, man.
Judge Tânia Vasconcelos
is your ex-wife, right?
-Do you want the veto or not?
-No, I'm old-fashioned.
I'm uninterested in public humiliation.
Netinho! Who do you think you are?
My owner? My nanny?
My dog walker?
Can we talk about this somewhere else?
-No, here is fine by me.
-So be it.
The deal with the oil company
has already been made.
So why did you send me
on this silly mission?
I wanted to keep you here
so you wouldn't run away,
attend the street party, do drugs,
jump from the Perimetral Bridge
and die.
That bridge no longer exists.
You'd find a way
to jump from somewhere.
Don't treat me like a child.
-Then don't act like one.
-You're not my father.
If I wanted a daughter,
I would've had one.
-Sorry. I didn't mean that.
-No, I see what you mean.
And that's the base of retro education.
Classes with desks,
chairs and sometimes...
even teachers.
Sorry, Livia, I must excuse myself.
Can I give you some First Lady advice,
since I'm on my fifth term?
Don't let yourself
get sucked into the Governor's life.
Focus on yourself.
-I promised I'd care for her.
-But there are moments
when we must stop and tell ourselves,
"I am my own woman."
I mean, person. Get it?
You are your own person.
It's time you built your legacy.
My office has no budget, Livia.
But it has visibility.
Your numbers are great. People trust you.
Who knows why, but they do.
Must be my idiotic face.
It'd be a shame
not to take advantage of that.
André, focus on yourself.
Hey, babe,
have you been dumped by your man?
No, I am my own person.
-Come on, princess!
-I am my own person.
I am my own person!
Look at her! Empowered!
-Where's the street party?
-It's gone.
-Cellphone.
-Your Excellency threw it in the toilet.
Such a humiliation...
Tic tac toe new napkin party.
-What's this?
-Hashtag new napkin party.
Welcome to the future.
What a horrible place.
-Let's get out of here.
-Hey, what about magic?
-Molly is hitting.
-No magic more.
-You made the party come back?
-No, dude. It was a Carnival miracle.
-Magic!
-Come on, Leleco!
Was it you?
Are you insinuating that I used
the state police to close off an avenue,
forcing a street party to turn around,
only to satisfy
the wishes of the governor?
Yes.
Is this a crime?
Embezzlement.
MARLON
Praise the Lord!
My cellphone fell in the toilet.
I think you should go.
The quality of life in São Paulo is great.
The governor, Vanessa Camargo,
is doing an excellent job. Really.
Liar, you're mad at me. I know you.
Girl, I'm just the large intestine
in front of the small intestine,
asking that we start a shitshow.
They started walking!
Dude, next year we die'll for real.
Girl, we're cool, right?
You're not gonna flip out
in two days for no reason?
No.
Promise we won't fight?
Girl, if I tell you something,
you promise not to tell anyone?
I think I'm becoming an adult.
-No way.
-I swear! I swear!
I have appointments.
I have responsibilities.
My baby has grown up.
Fuck, I lost the prince.
Prince?
Saudi Prince gets caught
with two boys at a street party.
This is the title of the video
that's been causing trouble
in the Middle East,
and raised oil prices by 27%,
now at $234 a barrel.
Once again, Carnival brings joy
to the people of Rio de Janeiro.