Eight Is Enough (1977–1981): Season 1, Episode 8 - Hit and Run - full transcript

Dad, do you remember
when you were my age?

Oh, uh, yeah, vaguely.
Vaguely, Nicholas.

It was many moons ago.

Do you remember what you
wanted to be when you grew up?

Uh...

Yes, I wanted to be Clark Gable.

Who was he?

Who was Clark Gable? Ah.

He was the king.

When the king walked in a
room, women's pulses fluttered.

He had acquired manly strength.



Why didn't you?

- Why didn't I what?
- Become Clark Gable?

Oh, well, because I, uh...

Well, there already was one...

and then I went to college
and I got interested in writing...

and, uh, I wound up in
the newspaper business.

Boy, you really blew it, huh?

Yeah, I guess I did.

Frankly, Nicholas,
I don't give a damn.

Uh, the soccer team
looks pretty good this year.

Think you'll make the cut?

Oh, it's not the cut
that I'm worried about.

It's just that I'm
aiming for first string.

- I'm getting tired of warming the bench.
- Yeah.



Hey, you know that looks pretty
good. Like a shooting gallery.

Hey, wait a minute.
We just can't...

Oh, yes, we can.

- Okay, now we, um, season and stir.
- Okay.

Ahem. You stir, I'll season.

Okay, season and stir.

- Um, salt and pepper to taste.
- Salt and pepper.

Okay. Two tablespoons
garlic powder, oregano, um...

Will you wait? Okay.

You know, it doesn't say
how long to stir this stuff.

- Two tablespoons garlic powder?
- Yeah, two tablespoons.

Two.

Nancy, that seems like
an awful lot. Are you sure?

Look, Mary. It says so
right here in the book.

Okay, okay. Lasagna by the book.

Hello?

No, Mr. Blair. My
father's not home yet.

As I promised you the
second time you called...

I'll tell him you called again.

Okay, bye.

Some people never
get the message.

It smells like an Italian
Army barracks in here.

I don't get it. We
followed the recipe exactly.

Do you think I stirred too long?

Let me see. Onions, oregano...

two teaspoons garlic powder.

Nancy, it's teaspoons.

I thought it said tablespoons.

Maybe they shouldn't use
abbreviations in beginners' cookbooks.

Do you think it's ruined?

No, we'll just, uh, doctor it up and,
uh, serve dinner a couple hours late.

They'll be so hungry,
they'll never notice.

Hey, don't fill up on crackers. I'm
making a fabulous Italian dinner.

No, thanks. I'll stick to these.

I'm gonna shoot some
baskets with Tom.

Ugh. Tonight, my dear, you and I
had better be galloping gourmets.

What?

It's a lot harder to
hit a moving target.

- Hey. My turn.
- Gotta get the ball first.

Hey, ice cream!

- Fifteen cents.
- We could split one.

- Okay, what do you want?
- Oh, the usual, I guess.

- The usual?
- Yeah, you know. Anything.

Hi, boys.

- Tommy, Nicholas.
- An orange popsicle, Mr. Longuevan.

There you are.
That'll be fifteen cents.

Uh, say, it was you I saw at St.
Patrick's this afternoon, wasn't it?

- Uh, me?
- You did straighten out...

that little problem
you had, didn't you?

Problem? Mr. Longuevan, I don't
know what you're talking about.

The window, Tommy. The window.

I'm sure once you get in
touch with Mother Superior...

you'll straighten things out.

You know, Mother Superior's
a regular customer of mine too.

In fact, her only vice is
my sidewalk sundaes.

Well. Ahem.

So long, Tommy.

- Here's your half before it melts.
- Keep it.

Boy, older brothers
sure are weird.

Tommy, would you be
our official sauce taster?

- What smells?
- Tommy?

- Tommy smells?
- No, it's my home ec assignment.

I think you flunked.

What's wrong with Tommy?

Oh, hi, Tommy.

Oh, hi, Susan. How's it going?

Oh, just going, just fine.
Thanks so much for asking.

- Oh, somebody take out the garbage.
- Very funny.

Ooh, big sale on garlic, or
keeping the werewolves at bay?

Listen, has anybody noticed
what Tommy's problem is today?

Maybe Nicholas finally
beat him at basketball.

Somebody ought to check
out what his problem is.

Not me. I'm in
training. Excuse me.

Nancy and I are in open sauce
surgery. Besides, it was your idea.

Okay, I'll check out
Dr. Spock's dropout.

Yeah?

Hey.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Oh.

You always say nothing
when it's something.

Hey, come on, Tommy.
What are big sisters for, huh?

That old busybody
Longuevan said he saw me...

bust a window at
St. Patrick's today.

- Well, did you?
- Hey, it was an accident.

I mean, I didn't
mean to break it.

You'd better tell Dad
when he gets home.

What? Are you crazy?
He'll hand me my head.

Ah, Tommy, nobody's gonna
hand you anything, honest.

Just tell him that
it was an accident.

I'm sure Dad will help you out.

Besides, the longer you wait, the
harder it's gonna be all the way around.

Believe me, Tommy, it's gonna be
easier than trying to hide it from him.

You know...

part of growing up is
just learning to face facts.

Yeah, well, I'm just
happy being a kid.

Yeah, I know,
but it doesn't last.

All right. I'll tell him.

But I'm not gonna like it.

Aw. Ha, ha.

Hey, that's the
way to go, little fella.

Because a man's gotta
do what a man's gotta do.

Well, yes, of course, every opinion
merits consideration, Mr. Blair...

and my column expresses mine.

Yes, I see.

- No, I suppose not.
- How's it going?

With some guy
named Blair, not good.

- Yes.
- With me, the jury's still out.

Mr. Blair, there's really
nothing further to say.

Joanie.

Hold on a second, Mr. Blair.

It's school, Dad. I have
rehearsal. Can I use the car?

Oh, sure, fine.
Have a good time.

Uh, yes.

You're a very persistent
young man, Mr. Blair.

All right, 3:30, tomorrow.
My office. I'll be there.

Right. Bye-bye.

- I gotta stop giving out my home number.
- Oh, Dad. Thanks a lot.

Well, Tommy?

It was an accident, Dad. It
didn't happen on purpose.

Yeah. Well, here's what
I think you should do.

You should go to the convent and
tell Mother Superior what you told me.

See if she has any suggestions.
I'm sure she will have.

- Yes, sir.
- Tommy, you did right in coming to me.

The confession is
the toughest part.

Do I really have to
talk to Mother Superior?

Dad, will someone get
Elizabeth off the phone?

- She's hogging it again.
- Yes, you do, Tommy.

- Tell Elizabeth that I said to cool it.
- All right.

- Dad.
- What?

- Where are the antacids?
- Why? What's the matter?

Mussolini's revenge.

That lasagna that Nancy made is
enough to violate the Geneva Convention.

Oh, a terrible feeling.

Elizabeth, Dad said to
get off the phone right now.

Sure, I want to go
to the prom, Billy.

Well, let's see.

I do want to go to the prom, and
I have been keeping myself free.

Elizabeth. Dad said now.

Well, look, Billy, I have
to get off the phone.

I'll talk to you at
school, okay? Right, bye.

Okay, okay, I'm off.

Can I help it if some jerk
wants to take me to the prom?

- Yeah, who? Godzilla?
- No, not Godzilla.

I wouldn't take a boyfriend
away from you, Nan.

This is not a publicity piece.

This is the environmental impact
report, written by an independent agency.

Oh, then, uh, get them
to do the column for you.

Look, Mr. Bradford, this Riverboat Marina
is going to create something of value.

For you and me,
for our children.

Oh, do you have children?

Well, no. It's a
figure of speech.

Not in my house, it isn't.

Sorry to interrupt, Dad,
but, uh, the play must go on.

- I've got a rehearsal tonight.
- Joanie, Mr. Blair.

Mr. Blair, this is my daughter.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Car keys?

Car keys?

Oh.

Mr. Blair, try to
understand my position.

We all have a job to do and mine
is to express a certain viewpoint.

Oh, here they are.

- Nice to have met you, Mr. Blair.
- Same here.

Bye, Dad. Thanks.

Mr. Blair, my job is to have opinions
on things that will interest our readers.

We're agreed on one thing.

The other guy doesn't
know what he's talking about.

Mr. Bradford, you have a
responsibility to the public.

Now, you just read that report.

Hey, Miss Bradford!

This is a very unfortunate
circumstance, Thomas.

Perhaps you don't realize it...

but that window that you
so accidentally damaged...

was handmade by monks in Italy.

Would you like me to
write them an apology?

That won't be necessary.

However, we will have
to work something out.

The leaves can be a big
problem this time of the year.

Not to mention the overgrown
hedges and the lawns that need mowing.

- Yes, Sister.
- Now, work at your own pace.

But remember, everything
must be in perfect shape in time...

- for Mass on Sunday.
- Yes, Sister.

There are several more trash
barrels in the storage shed...

should you find you need them.

Yes, Sister, I'm sure I will.

You catch on quickly, Thomas.

We'll be seeing a lot of each
other in the next three or four weeks.

Yes, Sister.

You'll have to
excuse the apartment.

You mean the car's
really not broken?

No, no. The car's fine.
The taillight isn't so fine.

Oh, well, ha, ha.

You know, just once I wish someone would
stop by here and say hello instead of help.

Hello.

You never did say
how it happened.

Yeah. Well, you know, I backed
into a guard rail at school is all.

David, they put those
things in the dumbest places.

The rail wasn't even
scratched, either.

- You think you can fix it?
- Well, sure, I guess so.

If we can get to the
parts store before closing.

I'll owe you the world...

if you can get it fixed
before I take the car back.

The world? Hmm.

No, I'll settle for a little
light housekeeping.

Let's negotiate on the
way to the parts store.

- All right.
- All right.

- That comes to $300 even.
- Three hundred?

Look, I'm sorry. It's the best I can
do. All right, park the car in the back.

I see you next week.

- Hey, Mr. DiGioia, wait a minute.
- Eh?

I, uh, don't think I can
let you fix it right now.

You see, at the moment the
car is worth more to me as is.

In fact, the more
banged up it is, the better.

You kids are all
crazy in the head.

I don't know, Patty. Billy's all right,
but he doesn't exactly race my motor.

You know what I mean?

Awful.

Barry Cappello looks like a cantaloupe.
I wouldn't wait for a bus with him.

Hey, what do you think
about Mike Thompson?

Yeah, and he's got a
gold-colored Corvette too.

No, I'm not going out with a car, Patty,
but you've got to admit it doesn't hurt.

- Elizabeth, what are you doing?
- I'm talking on the phone, Daddy.

Oh, is that what you're doing?
I thought you were eating.

- I'm doing both.
- Well, both are bound to suffer.

Oh, Daddy.

It's your stomach
and it's my phone bill.

Hey, Patty? Mike's Corvette has
plush carpeting and quad speakers...

with an eight-track stereo deck.

Yeah.

He was a handyman in our town.

A black man, and
his name was Willie.

And I introduced myself
and my dog to Willie...

and we commenced to talk.

Willie didn't talk to me the
way grown-ups talk to a child.

He talked to me just the
way adults talk to each other.

And I told him how
much I loved my dog...

and Willie said that it always seemed
more than a coincidence to him...

that D-O-G spells dog...

and G-O-D spelled God.

Um...

I, um... What's the
line, Mitch? I'm up.

Uh, don't worry. We've gotta
be out of here in two minutes.

We'll get on it tomorrow.

Well, how was it? MITCH: Good.

Ugh. That's all? Just good?

Not great, not bad.
Between those is good.

And you were good.

- I'll talk to you tomorrow.
- Okay.

Hi, there.

Well, hi.

I mean, what're you doing?
I mean, how'd you find me?

Oh, intuition.

I heard you tell you dad
about getting to rehearsals...

so I just did some
scouting around.

That's very resourceful.

Hey, you were really excellent.

Uh, no, just good.

- Well, I'm no drama critic but I think...
- It's really nice.

Hey, how about a cup of coffee?

- Well, what would my dad say?
- I'm not asking your dad. I'm asking you.

How about a cup of coffee?

- I'd love to.
- Great, come on.

- Well, where shall we go?
- Anywhere.

Really, it doesn't matter.

Joanie...

I think we're gonna
get along just great...

Yeah?

If we can get one
thing straightened out.

You, uh, like my car? It was
on its way to becoming a classic.

Dig this.

They're getting divorced.

- Can you believe that?
- I can't believe they got married.

- Oh, really.
- Hi, guys.

- Hi, guy.
- Hi, Nancy.

- You wanna hear a terrific joke?
- Sure.

Okay, get ready for
this. This is a funny one.

Well, there was this explorer, see, and
he decided to go on an African safari...

so he took an
Englishman, a Frenchman...

and a sheepdog. And
on the first day out...

Slow pygmies.

- Mary, you just said the punch line.
- I know.

- You ruined my joke.
- Try another one.

- Go ahead.
- I'm sorry.

Did you hear the one about
the electrician and the old lady?

One to hold the light bulb
and 99 to turn the building.

- Susan.
- What?

- You ruined my joke.
- Oh, I couldn't resist.

- She's leaving. Heh.
- Uh-oh. Nancy, we didn't mean it.

- Come on, try another one.
- Come on. Give us one more.

- I don't know.
- We'll be serious.

Okay, there's one more. Did
you hear the one about the...

I can't hear you, Nancy.
I got a banana in my ear.

That's funny. You're real funny.

- Did you know I was gonna say that?
- Did you hear the one about the...

Here's the bad news.

Three hundred dollars?

I mean, I could buy
another car for $300.

Yeah, but not quite like mine.

You see, she's got eight coats of
paint, and they're all rubbed out by hand.

By trolls in the Black Forest.

I don't know where I'm
gonna get this kind of money.

Well, maybe there is a
way you won't have to.

What could I do
that's worth $300?

Well, Joanie, as
I'm sure you know...

your dad has really been, uh,
sabotaging me in his column.

But I'm sure he'd change his
mind if he only knew all the facts.

I just can't get him to read the
full environmental impact report.

Oh, that's where I come in.
I get him to read the report.

Believe me, that's
worth at least $300 to me.

I don't know. It just
doesn't seem right.

Look, Joanie, all I want is
a fair shake from your dad.

- And what's wrong with that?
- It just... It seems shady.

Oh, no, no, shady...

Shady would be if I asked
you to change his mind.

All I want is for your
dad to read the report.

Oh, Chuck, you don't
know what you're asking.

I mean, if my father gets his
mind set, it is set in concrete.

I mean, I remember times
the entire family, all eight of us...

You know, I think it's terrible the
way you underestimate yourself.

You take it from me,
when you talk, men listen.

- I don't know.
- Come on, Joanie.

This project is gonna create
something of value for you and me...

for our children,
for their children.

Something lasting for
generations to come.

Okay, I'll give it a try.

No promises.

- Hi, I'm home.
- Yeah, hi, you're late.

- Dinner's in the oven.
- I had soccer practice.

- You know, I made first team.
- Oh, yeah? Good going.

Glad to see somebody else taking
an interest in sports in this family.

Yeah, well, just wait till
you see one of our games.

I'm going to the
library. Need anything?

Yeah, Elizabeth. She's
supposed to be drying these.

Uh, she's occupied at the
moment. Acute telephonitis.

I'm afraid the diagnosis
is terminal busy signal.

Come on, Elizabeth. Put her in
gear. You're on kitchen duty tonight.

Okay, I'm coming. Uh, it's been
nice talking to you, Jeremy...

but I really have to go.

Oh, sure, sure.

But the reason I called you wasn't only
about how your frog dissection turned out.

I, uh...

I was wondering if you
would go to the prom with me.

Jeremy, it's so sweet of you to choose
me, but I have to get off the phone now.

I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Nothing to it.

So has the belle of
the ball made her date?

Let's just say I'm
keeping my options open.

Let's just say I'm picking up
your option on kitchen duty.

March.

Pen.

Scalpel.

All right, Doctor, just
fix it. Don't operate.

Patient's gonna live.

Boy, that's terrific. I didn't know
you could repair typewriters.

- I can't.
- Oh, that's my tie clip.

You really got into that
column this morning.

Yes, I really let our Mr. Blair have it.
I came at him with both guns blazing.

And a flaming tie.

I'm gonna take off
early this afternoon...

because Tommy may
appreciate a lift home...

after raking leaves
for the mother superior.

How's he doing?

Well, after he gets
through complaining...

- he starts moping.
- That bad, huh?

Yes. What we have here,
my dear, is a true martyr.

I can see it all now, Saint
Tommy of the Leaves.

- Mm-hm. Out.
- I'm going, I'm going. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Mr. Bradford.
- Oh, yes, good afternoon, Sister.

I just came by to give your
groundskeeper a ride home.

- I wonder if you might spare a moment.
- Oh, of course, Sister.

What seems to be the trouble?

The trouble concerns
my groundskeeper.

- Yeah, who is it?
- It's me.

- What do you want?
- What do you mean, what do I want?

I wanna come in.

Well, then, uh, what are
you standing out there for?

Hi, are you busy?

Of course, I'm busy.
I'm always busy.

I never have a moment
to myself anymore.

Cut off the sympathy
bit, would you?

I was just wondering how, uh,
things are going for you at the church.

- You see these?
- Mm-hm.

I'll never play the piano.

Well, Tommy...

do you feel better now that
you've owned up to what you did?

- Yeah, I guess so.
- Yeah?

Well...

What if you had it
to do all over again...

and, uh, nobody saw
you break that window...

- would you still go to Mother Superior?
- Well, heck no. Why invite trouble?

Wait a minute, don't I
get some kind of lecture?

No.

I'm not in a lecturing position.

Hi.

- Hi, Dad. How was your day?
- It started out fine.

You know, I read your, uh, column
on the marina project the other day.

- What's the story on that anyway?
- There's no story.

Chuck Blair's an overly
ambitious young man...

who is trading the river's ecology
for his own profit. It's as simple as that.

- Dad, why do you say that?
- Because I read the report.

There's nothing that
can help this county.

Oh, you mean you read the
entire environmental impact report?

No, no, no. What I said is, I had a
summary given to me, which I read.

I felt that was adequate so
then I wrote my little column.

Do you understand?
Did I do my job properly?

Do I have to go back to
school and start all over?

Oh, Dad, I thought
your column was great.

- Really, I did.
- You did? Really?

- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you.

I'm sorry if I overreacted
now. It's just that... I don't know.

- Where is everybody?
- It depends who you want.

- Tommy.
- Well, he's in his room.

Oh, God.

Oh, hi, Dad. I was
just taking a break.

- We've got a problem.
- I'm getting the math grade up, really.

No, no, no. I'm referring to the
broken window, Mother Superior...

and the fact that you did
not live up to your obligation.

- That.
- When you first came to me...

we discussed this,
came up with a solution...

I figured, this kid's
taken a step forward.

- Instead, you've let us both down.
- Wait a minute. I can explain.

The coach thought that soccer
practice ought to be earlier in the day...

so I figured I could clean
up the leaves on weekends.

And then after soccer season was
over I could go back to doing it full time.

Oh, did you bother to discuss
this with Mother Superior?

No, but I was
planning to. Tomorrow.

- Don't bother. It's too late.
- What?

I told Mother Superior that
you would be there tomorrow...

the way we originally planned.

But what about the team?
I finally made first string.

If I miss three weeks
of practice, I'll get cut.

Probably. It's too late to
do anything about it now.

But...

Mother Superior,
tomorrow, 3:30 sharp.

- Hi, Dad.
- Oh, hi, Joanie.

- Uh, you busy?
- No, not very. Come on in.

Oh, heh, you know,
I was thinking, Dad...

it might be kind of nice to
have a marina on the river.

Why are you interested in that?

Oh, I'm not interested.

I mean, I just think
that it would be nice.

Huh?

Of course, um, if you
made up your mind already...

I guess you're not gonna
be reading this report, huh?

No, it's long and boring. I don't
wanna waste my time on that.

Dad, you know, I
think you're wrong.

I think that this marina could
create something of value.

Something lasting, for
generations to come.

Something of value?

Something lasting, for
generations to come.

How did you happen
on that phrase...

that Chuck Blair so proudly
wears upon his sleeve?

What's going on, Joanie?

Chuck Blair asked me out to
coffee after rehearsal the other night.

Oh, I get it.

You've got a crush on this jerk, so
you're using me to get in with him.

Or he's using you to get in
with me, or something or other.

I like your style, Joanie,
not to mention your loyalty.

- You don't understand.
- What are you?

- Some kind of lobbyist or something?
- Oh, why don't you just admit it?

You won't change your mind
because you can't stand the idea...

you just might be
wrong about something.

Oh, you're so stubborn!

That's right. I take
after my children.

Aren't you just dying for some
chocolate ripple ice cream?

- Chocolate gives you pimples.
- Okay, then you can have strawberry.

But we better go soon
in case they run out.

Nicholas, I don't feel like
ice cream right now, okay?

- Then, will you walk with me?
- Maybe later. Right now I...

Are we going now?

Hi, Mike.

Hi, yourself.

Babysitting?

Sort of.

- Who are you?
- Mike Thompson.

I'm Nicholas.

Nicholas, don't you have
something better to do?

No.

Well, I gotta run anyway.

- You want to go to the prom?
- I'd love to.

I'll see you Saturday night.

- Eight o'clock.
- Okay.

I thought you already had
a date for Saturday night.

Well, you thought wrong.

Oh, don't tell me. You
need another taillight.

Heh. That's not funny.

- Hey, what's the matter?
- I'm in trouble, David. I need your help.

Okay.

I need...$300.

Three hundred dollars? That's
not trouble. That's the national debt.

What happened?

Well, I didn't exactly break
that taillight on a guard rail.

What exactly did
you break it on?

I broke it on some guy's car.

And it's gonna cost
$300 to get it fixed.

- Have you told Dad?
- Not exactly.

"Not exactly" does not exactly
answer a yes or no question.

Well, the guy I hit...

I mean, the car I hit belongs to this guy
and he's having some trouble with Dad.

But he was nice enough to let
me off the hook if I would just...

get Dad to...

reconsider what he wrote
about this guy's business.

The whole thing would have worked
out great if Dad just wasn't so stubborn.

Oh, you think so, huh?

Well, are you gonna loan me the
money or do I burn at the stake?

Before I chew you out, I want to
make sure I have good enough reason.

See, uh, first you
have an accident.

Then you trick me
into helping you out.

Then you do a con job on
Dad to cover up the first lie.

When that doesn't work,
you come to your big brother...

so you can buy your way
out of this mess. Is that right?

- Do I have it straight?
- It's not that simple.

Not that simple?

Do you realize how
you made Dad look...

if you had conned him
into changing his mind?

This is the age of
paranoia, Joanie.

If it got out, it would
have looked like a payoff.

Dad's reputation would
have been in the toilet.

I didn't think of any of that.

Honest, David, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for
any of this to happen.

I feel like such a coward.

Okay, take it easy. It's
not the end of the world.

What am I gonna do?

Well, first off, you're gonna
pay off that $300 debt.

I have some money.
I'll lend it to you.

Oh, David, thank you. Oh,
thank you. I'll pay you back.

- I promise, every cent.
- I'll hold you to that.

But there's a heavier part.

What could be heavier than
paying back a $300 debt?

That you tell Dad
everything that happened.

Oh, David.

Look, you take my
money, you take my advice.

Come on, it can't be that bad.

Want to trade places with me?

Thank you, but no thank you.

- Uh, Dad?
- Oh, hi.

Hi.

Uh, listen, um, Chuck Blair and I are
going out on a date tonight and, um...

and I was wondering if the three of
us could have a talk before we leave.

Sure. I think there are a few
things that we ought to clear up.

Well, I better go get dressed.

Thanks.

Hi. I'm Billy Kleinkenecht
. I'm here for Elizabeth.

Oh, sure. Come in.

- Hi. I'm Nancy.
- I'm Billy Kleinkenecht.

- I'm here for Elizabeth.
- Yeah, I kind of guessed.

Uh, I have to get
dressed. Do you mind?

Okay. Why don't you come into
the den and I'll tell her you're here?

Dad, uh, this is Billy Kleinkenecht.
My father, Mr. Bradford.

- Oh, hello, nice to meet you.
- I'm Billy Kleinkenecht.

I'm here for Elizabeth.

I'll let you two get acquainted.

Uh, no, no, wait... All
right. Uh, sit down, Billy.

Make yourself at home.

Well.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm Jeremy Belcher.
I'm here for Elizabeth.

Sure. Come in.

Uh, why don't you come
in here, Jeremy, and,

uh, I'll tell Elizabeth
that you're here?

Have a seat.

- Elizabeth, your date's here.
- Thanks, we know.

You know? Have a good time.

It looks good.

That's a nice outfit you
have on. Everything matches.

Listen, why don't I go and
see what's taking her so long?

I'm sure it's nothing
to worry about.

Just make yourself
at home, I'll be...

Hi, I'm here for Elizabeth.

Yeah, I kind of had a hunch.

I better warn her you're here.

We have a bit of a problem.

There are two guys downstairs
waiting to take you to the prom.

- Jeremy, what are you doing here?
- You mean tonight isn't the prom?

Billy?

Good evening. I'm Mike
Thompson. I'm here for Elizabeth.

Welcome to the party.

Hi, Mike.

- Is the prom being held here?
- I can explain everything.

I think it's pretty clear. You
like making three dates at a time.

I'm afraid that's
just not my style.

So if you don't mind, I
think I'm just gonna go stag.

Good night, everybody.

Jeremy, Billy, I'm sure
we can work something out.

- Thanks, but I think I'd better go stag.
- Yeah, me too.

I can't believe this is happening.
How could they do this to me?

No, no, no, they didn't do
it to you, you did it to you.

I don't know what's
happening to this family.

First Tommy, then Joan, now you.

If that's one of those
boys coming back for you...

you tell them to just forget it.

You're grounded for the
evening and that's final.

Hi, come on in.

Elizabeth, I thought
I told you to...

You're in the wrong dress. And
we're in the wrong room. Come on.

Uh, well, heh...

Well, all this standing like
this kind of makes me nervous.

Why don't you sit down?

Uh...

I don't exactly know
how to begin this...

except to say that I've made
a complete mess of things.

The reason I wanted
you to read the report...

was because I banged up Chuck's car
and that's how I planned to repay him.

I'm sorry I tried it, and
I'm glad you didn't fall for it.

And here's your $300.

Joanie, what are you talking
about? Your father wrote a retraction.

What? Why, that's impossible.

Why is that impossible?
Don't you read my column?

Not always. Almost.

Well, I read the full report.

But only because I was looking
for ammunition to blast Blair with.

But I had to admit
it, it's a good project.

Oh.

Wow.

Oh. Um...

No, still, there's the
money for your car, Chuck.

Now, hold on a minute,
Joanie. Look, I got what I wanted.

- So we're even. A deal is a deal.
- No, there wasn't any deal.

There was. We agreed
that if your father wrote...

Maybe you and I agreed, but I don't
have any right to agree to a deal that...

When the person
taking the risk is my dad.

See, it would look like he changed
his mind for the wrong reasons...

and I can't do that to him.

Hey, am I still taking
you to dinner tonight?

I hope so.

Uh, but there's still one person
that deserves an explanation.

I'll be right back.

- How about a drink, Mr. Blair?
- Sure.

Hey, Mr. Bradford, you wouldn't
be interested in a condominium...

- out by the marina, would you?
- A condominium?

I doubt if you carry my size.

- Tommy. TOMMY:
Yeah, what do you want?

I want to talk to you.

All right. But it
better be important.

Hey, Dad, remember how
you said if any of us kids...

has an accident we
should go to you?

- Yes.
- Well, I borrowed Willie's baseball, see.

And then I loaned it to
Jimmy and Jimmy lost it.

- Oh, that's too bad, Nicholas.
- I know, but for who?

Am I supposed to go to you?

Or is Jimmy supposed
to be going to his dad?

Dad, oh, Dad, I
need your help, okay?

I was backing the car out of the
garage and I ran over Tommy's bike.

What am I gonna do?

Dad, my first payment to
David is due next week...

and I'm not able to find a
job. What am I gonna do?

Hey, come on, you
guys, I was here first.

What am I gonna do?

Dad, every guy in school knows
about what happened prom night.

I'll never have another
date the rest of my life.

- What am I gonna do?
- Dad, I just burned tonight's dinner.

What're we gonna do?

I don't know what
you're all gonna do.

But I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to take my book
and my glass and myself...

and go up to my room
and mind my own business.

- That is what I'm going to do.
- Dad.

- Come on.
- Come on.

Don't get me wrong, kids.

I want you to come to
me with your problem.

But do old Dad a favor, try to
have one problem at a time...

or find a few more fathers.

- Wait.
- Dad, I just found a...