Easy (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - Swipe Right - full transcript

Hey, everybody. Welcome to...

- Zine...
- Not...

- Dead...
- A...

- New...
- Comics...

- Reading...
- Series.

Series.

Yeah.

- Hello.
- Hi.

"A/S/L?"

"A/S/L.
Matt was telling me about this.

It means Age/Sex/Location.



I'm 13. Male, and live in Illinois."

"Nowhere you'd know, I think. Haha!"

"I'm 19, female in California.

I have huge tits,
and I'm really fucking horny."

"Do you want to cyber?"

You know, I used to do
shit like this all the time.

I don't know
when I, uh, got so lazy, or just like...

- Well, you're busy.
- Yeah, busy, kids,

but I feel like I've been playing it safe,

you know, I feel like, I don't know,
like I was...

sort of under a rock, and now
I'm waking up a little, there's, like...

We live in one
of those great cities in America

There's cool shit everywhere.

- Like, get out there and see it. Yeah.
- Every night.



Just the neck is like...

- What?
- Sorry.

Yeah, but the neck is still, like,
not so...

Sorry.

I sort of don't understand.

I mean, I feel like you were very much
one of the main catalysts

for opening up this marriage,

and now that we are
on this journey together,

like, every time I wanna...

share with you and communicate
these experiences I'm having,

you... you don't seem to care.

You don't ask any questions. You...

You just... I'm talking,
and you're looking at your phone.

It's like...

I don't know. I just... I don't know
how to even begin to address that.

I feel like I'm...

basically a hero in this situation,

and...

I... I'm not...

excited enough about all your girlfriends?

We had talked about
if we're gonna see other people...

I want you to see other people!

Right, but the whole point
was to tell each other about that stuff,

- and communicate, so it's not just like...
- I'm a grown-ass woman.

Like, I don't wanna go
to a pop-up Peruvian... uh...

But you used to be interested
in things like this.

You went to art school, for Christ's sake.
You were a performance art major.

Like, what... what are you talking about?
You used to...

This is the kind of thing
you would have loved.

- So...
- Do you know what my life is now?

Of course I know what your life is.
I'm married to you.

I sleep in the same bed with you.
I know what your life is.

I'm saying there was a component
to your personality

that used to be interested
in things like...

Being married
doesn't mean I have to be interested

in everything he's interested in.

No, you don't have to be interested
in the actual thing I'm interested in.

I do think when you love someone,

and you see them come home
and they're excited,

that you could be excited

- that I'm excited about life.
- You're right.

- You're right. You're right!
- You don't have to see the cartoon art.

I'm sorry, but when you work... Uh...

- I have so little free time.
- It's not...

- I'm enjoying these...
- Excuse me. I have so little free time.

I'm working my fucking ass off...

for not enough, frankly.

And it's not going well right now,

so maybe when I get home,
I don't really wanna hear about...

what exciting, you know...
uh... you know...

this... this evolution,
this journey that you're on.

And do you think you need to talk about
these things with her

in order for the expansion to continue
that you're feeling, or...

No, but I guess I'm afraid
that if we don't talk about it,

we will just continue to grow apart.

- Hey, Kyle.
- Trevor, what's up?

- Not much, man. How are you doing?
- Good.

What are you working on?

I'm trying to finish this play
that I've been writing for forever.

Oh, okay. Right on, man.

- You'll see a bunch of me this summer.
- Sounds good.

This is all new.

Haven't seen this whole
part of the park before.

- Oh, you haven't?
- No, it's awesome.

I just like how they knock down trees
for kids to play on.

- How are you?
- Good, how are you doing?

Good.

What's up?

Um...

You good?

Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry.

Yeah, I'm just in my head.

I would like to, um...

try moving things back
into, like, a more friendly space.

Gotcha.

Okay.

I've been hanging out
with some other people and...

I, uh...

I just... I saw Amy today, and, uh, yeah.

We had a weird conversation.

- Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
- It's okay.

Was it like that you kind of like...

- The usual, so...
- Yeah.

- Complicated shit.
- Yeah.

I just have a hunch that

maybe I need a little bit more space.

Mm-hm.

You know, you, like, have all the things
that I also want...

- Yeah, I get it.
- ...already, so...

Um...

Yeah, I don't wanna stop you
from having those things.

Thank you.

I really, like, appreciate you
understanding. I've been kind of...

nervous about this for the past few days.

- Really?
- Yeah.

How do I best handle this for you?

Do you want me to...

bug off and not contact you anymore?

- No, I wanna be friends. Like, I...
- ...be friends?

We were friends before...

and I would love
to keep hanging out with you

- and keep being friends.
- Great, I'd like that too.

I feel like we could probably
kinda easily transition

into a mode
that's just a little less romantic.

Sure.

Friends.

- Well, if you wanna talk about it...
- Actually, I kind of don't.

Yeah. I appreciate that.

I'll snap out of it before the party.
I just sort of...

- I love you.
- Love you, too.

You excited to see Ryan?

- I'm so excited.
- Yeah.

I can't believe...

this is happening.

It's been a while.

Hello.

Hello?

- No. No!
- Yes. Yes.

- No! Hi!
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

- I'm here hanging out with you.
- I missed you so much.

- Missed you, too.
- This guy...

- Hey, man, good to see you.
- Hey, man.

Eight shows a week so, you know,
Monday night was the only night free...

- Brutal.
- Yeah.

- Well, you look good.
- Thanks.

Also, it was coming out in the most...
the most heightened way,

- in the most heightened moment.
- Yeah.

And all alone on stage,
digging through a pile of sand

- for a very specific prop that I had to...
- Well, it was probably great.

It was probably, like, super high stakes.

I feel like you said that at the time.

- They are so cute.
- Thank you.

- Just adorable.
- They are cute.

They got summer camp,
the other one's playing baseball.

So wait, does that mean he's, what?

He has so much attitude,
you wouldn't believe it.

He does?

Well, I know where he gets that from.

- What?
- Nothing.

- Nice.
- Sorry, what?

When are you having babies?

Is he mad at me?

- No, he's got a thing going on.
- 'Cause he's just...

He has, like,
a friend drama going on

that he was upset about
before we even got here.

It was totally unexpected,

- this thing he's dealing with.
- With someone else?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

And you? How are you? Are you okay?

Love that.

- I'm great.
- You are?

- You...
- I'm doing great.

I feel, I always feel like
you're kind of BS-ing me.

I'm not.

I... I ha.. I wish that... that...

- you didn't feel that way.
- I like it.

No, I...

No, it's just 'cause, like,

I still, like, you have a feeling of...

being around you is...

being around, like...

The only word I have is, like, "royalty,"
right? Like someone who is just, like...

Well, I just remember you being...

You're out of your mind.

Sure.

I remember you being super good,

and me being like, "That girl...

is so fucking good."

And I just wanted to be around you.
It was like, "Whoa."

Um...

So whatever BS you're getting from me

is probably just me sorta still, like,
thinking,

like, "Check me out, just hanging out
talking to you."

Like, even now, like, 15 years later,

there's always gonna be that sense of...

that.

You're such a dork sometimes.

Yeah, that I will take,
and I will accept that.

That was so nice.

Yeah.

It was a good dinner.

It was a good dinner.

I had the longest,
weirdest conversation with Ryan.

- Oh, yeah?
- And I have no idea how this happened,

but I ended up telling him...

that we were open.

Really?

- I didn't mean to. It was so weird.
- How did that come up?

- Yeah, it's so weird it'd come up.
- No, what was weird about it

is that it wasn't weird.

It was very natural.

Hmm.

And we just were having this... talk,
it was just... We just...

He was telling me all about Sadie
and his life in LA and, like...

it's such a...
this huge part of my life now.

- Sure.
- I'm sorry if I...

- Are you upset that I told him?
- No, it's okay.

No.

You told him just 'cause it came up
or you told him 'cause...

you're hoping
some other stuff will come up?

No.

No? You're not interested at all?

I mean, I'm...

um, I mean, we have chemistry.

- Mm-hm.
- But that's not why I told him.

It wasn't, like...
It wasn't a sexy moment.

Mm-hm.

- I wasn't trying to be...
- There was no preplanning or strategy?

- Definitely not.
- Definitely not?

I don't think I would have told him
if I was planning it.

Okay.

Also, he's married and not open, so.

That is true.
He is married and not open.

He was cool about it, though.

Good.

What?

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

- What?
- If you're into Ryan, go for it.

Really?

Sure. You have my blessing.

That's really cool.

I don't think he's... avails, but...

that's nice.

Thank you.

- I'm gonna go back to my phone.
- Okay.

Are you telling me that
so I'd leave you alone?

Yes.

Can I just give you a little hug?

- I love you.
- You can have a little one.

- I love you so much.
- I love you, too.

So what do they have you doing
today at camp?

- Canoeing, yeah.
- Canoeing?

Chicago River is famous for its snakes.

- Ugh, I hate snakes.
- Dragons...

- You gotta be careful.
- Yes.

- Careful.
- Wear your life jacket.

Well, all right. Well, have fun, you guys.
I love you.

- Love you too. Bye.
- I'll see you at four, okay?

- Okay. Bye, Dad.
- All right.

Be safe. Watch out for sharks.

How's that comin' along?

Oh. My play? Um...

I don't know. I'm kinda...
I'm kinda stuck at the moment.

- Ah. Yeah.
- Yeah, I should get back to it.

Okay. I'd love to read it at some point,
whatever you have.

- Yeah, yeah, you and me both. Um...
- Yeah.

I mean, I'm hoping to have, like,
a solid first draft kinda...

ready to show people
by the end of the summer.

- Yeah, right on. Just let me know.
- Cool.

Thanks.

Here you go.

Wow, thank you.

You're welcome.

Are you having fun?

Yeah.

Me, too.

Awesome.

So he's your roommate?

Yeah, one of them.

It's kind of like a collective.

Well, casually.

Thanks for suggesting this.
I've never been to a noise show before.

He's... He was great.

- No, it was really cool that you came.
- Yeah, yeah.

Are we going out?

Yeah, I'm super tired.
I've got an early morning tomorrow.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, so I'm gonna have to rain-check.

Well, maybe we can go back to my place?

I... I've got a crazy day tomorrow,
and I just need to be...

- Oh, It can't be that crazy.
- It's a little crazy.

- Mm.
- I need to be on top of things, but...

- You can be on top of things.
- Oh!

Mm.

I would love that, and, uh, I would love
to take a rain check on that.

- Okay, yeah.
- Yeah?

- Yeah?
- I'll be here.

- Well, you know...
- Can we get together another time?

- Yeah.
- Soon?

- Yeah.
- I'll be in touch. Okay?

Totally. Um, this was really...

- This was really nice.
- Yeah, it was super fun. You're awesome.

- I really like you.
- Bye, Lydia.

Okay. Okay.

Bye.

Shit.

You sure you don't wanna come to dinner
with Ryan and I tonight?

Yeah, I should get a drink with Amy
and touch base.

- Oh.
- You guys are gonna have a sitter tonight.

- Who is it?
- Who is it?

- Alex.
- Yes!

Oh, my God. Why do you love her so much?

- I don't know.
- That's so weird.

- It's really hot.
- She's great.

I don't even wanna know.

So, is everything cool?

Yeah, I just gotta check in
and see what the friend vibe is like.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Sorry. How's it going?

- Good. How are you?
- Yeah? I'm good.

- Good.
- Good. Come on in.

- Check it out.
- God.

- Right? I mean, come on.
- Whoa.

- It's ridiculous, right?
- Yeah.

This does not look like
a theater apartment.

No, someone on the board donates it
to people from out of town.

- Oh, my God, it's crazy.
- That's what happens when you get

a theater with actual money.

- Geez, Louise.
- Yeah, right?

What's up with this art?

Yeah, super fancy art.

Fancy view.

- Yeah, right?
- Jesus.

Yeah, it beats a...

garden apartment studio cave.

Yeah.

- Uh, you want a beer?
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- That'd be great.

Um, I was gonna make
a reservation for a place,

but I figured we could just walk
around the neighborhood...

- Yeah, let's do that.
- Just find something.

- Yeah, let's figure it out.
- Cool, all right.

But then, when it was over,
she sort of, like,

she sort of, like, shoved me
against the wall and, like, kissed me

and was like, "Come back to my place!"

- Oh, so she thought it was going well.
- I don't know what she thought.

But then there was
this invitation on the table, and, uh...

your pal Kyle turned her down.

- Wow, congratulations.
- Thank you.

- Not where I thought that story was going.
- Really?

- Kinda.
- Cool, good.

How'd you, uh, meet this...

lovely young lady?

I met this... lovely young lady
on an app called Tinder.

- Oh, very nice.
- Mm-hm. Yeah.

- Swiped right.
- You went back on Tinder.

- Yeah, I'm back on Tinder. Yeah.
- Mm.

- Yeah.
- When did you get back on Tinder?

Recently.

I went to the park with you,
had some ice cream,

got back on Tinder.

- The order of events.
- Like that?

Yeah. Yeah.

That's fair.

- Oh, hello.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- How are you?

- Good, how are you?
- What's up? Nice to see you.

- Yeah.
- How's it going?

Good. Um, this is my friend, Kyle.

- Kyle? Malcolm.
- Malcolm.

- Nice to meet you.
- This is Ziyad.

- I'm Ziyad. Pleasure.
- Hey. Kyle.

- I'll get us a table out back.
- I'll get beers.

- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, you too.

Good to see you. Hey.

- So, hey.
- Hey, how are you?

- I'm great, how are you doing?
- I'm good.

- What can I get ya?
- Two Tecates, please.

- Right.
- Thanks. Um...

- Yeah.
- Whatcha been doin'?

Like, nothin'.

Just kinda hangin' out at home,
not doin' much, so...

Figured, got to take advantage
of the day...

- hang out.
- Sure.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, nice.

- It's eight bucks, please.
- Thanks. Just keep it.

- Cheers, man. Thanks.
- Um...

Would you guys like
to hang out with us on the patio?

Uh...

Uh, yeah, we'll... probably...

maybe we'll finish these beers
and then we'll come out.

- Perfect. See you in a sec.
- See you in a sec.

- Nice to meet you, man.
- You, too.

Interesting.

Stop it.

Is he one of the...

- guys that you're dating?
- Yes. Yes.

Wow, crazy.
And that was just a coincidence?

I almost had a feeling
that was gonna happen.

- Really?
- I mean, I don't...

- A little psychic intuition?
- Just a tiny moment.

- I'm very embarrassed. I'm really sorry.
- Why are you embarrassed?

He's hot.

- Yeah? You like him?
- Yeah. Good for you.

Thanks.

How do you wanna handle this?

Do you wanna go out
on the patio, and...

Well, we can, like, finish up here.
I mean...

Do you want me to take off?

No, I mean, do you wanna go...

- I'll be your wingman.
- Seriously?

Yeah, that's what friends are for.

Um...

Okay. I mean, I would like to...

Who brought it up with you guys?

- I did.
- You did?

Was that because you were bored with...

- Um...
- ...him?

No, I'm never bored with him,
but we definitely didn't wanna have sex.

- Mm.
- Or I didn't wanna have sex.

- Right.
- If we're being honest.

Yeah, we're gonna… let's be honest.

It made me feel really bad,
because it made him feel bad.

- Right.
- It wasn't his fault.

Right. It just was...

- Time? Where life had gone?
- I don't know. We've been together

- since we were kids, basically.
- Right.

I just feel like
you get locked into patterns

of thinking and behavior,

and then you're taking care of each other

in a way that sort of shuts down the...
what's alive about your relationship.

- Mm-hm.
- Which feels really nice, you feel safe.

- And you're a family...
- Right.

And you love each other, but you...
you shut down the part of yourself

or... or the part of the other person...

Like, we all sorta have to shut
ourselves down in order to, like, stay.

- Yeah, it's a hoot. Sorry.
- I think that...

No. I just think that that sort of, like,
kills desire at a certain point,

and I love the feeling of being safe

and knowing that he loves me forever
and I love him forever.

But it also...

- Like, there's nothing to traverse.
- Right.

I think that's what desire is.

I think it's, like, it's... it's not
having all of something, you know?

Right.

I don't know.

- Oh, my God, this is, like...
- I don't know what desire is.

It's like wanting to get inside
another human being, you know?

- Yeah.
- But if you're already inside them...

- If you guys are so enmeshed...
- Then you're just trapped.

- Inside and trapped.
- Trapped with nowhere to go.

- It's like, "I already know what this is."
- Right.

It's really hard to get eroticized
by someone that is basically you.

Right.

I dropped an e-cigarette into my wine
and it started going crazy.

- Oh, man.
- Then I tried to drink it.

- Not very rock and roll.
- I drank the wine afterwards,

and then I had a panic attack on stage.

Yeah, that's just me. I'm like, not...

This is good for me.
You're dashing my rock and roll fantasies,

because inside of every actor is really,
just, truly a frustrated musician.

So, I need more of this.

I need to know that it's not
as glamorous as I think.

I just got a text from Charles.
He's having people over.

Hanging, like, chill-hangs.

If you guys would like to come,
that would be awesome.

As much as I love a chill-hang,

I gotta throw in the towel.

- Well, man...
- Super fun, though.

- Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.

- Yeah, we appreciate it.
- Bummed you're not hanging.

- Good meeting you. Yeah.
- But good to see you. All right.

- Have a good night.
- You, too.

- You sure you don't wanna come?
- I'm positive. Have a great time.

- Let's hang out soon?
- Yeah, absolutely.

- Okay.
- Be in touch.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I actually don't care.

- You're crazy!
- No, I don't care.

- You have to get on board.
- Crazy.

Hey, perverts, this is my friend Kyle.
We're gonna go upstairs, okay?

- Hi, Kyle.
- Hey, man.

- Hey, guys.
- See ya.

Later.

I swear, if we're quiet enough,
we'll hear that dude come.

Welcome to my princess palace.

We've got sort of a fun sink area...

Yeah, super fun.

Storage space...

Dirty laundry.

Have a seat. Um...

How was your day?

Um... My day was okay.
How's your night goin'?

- Okay, cool. Pretty good.
- What are you doin'?

- Just chillin'. I'm just drawing.
- Thanks for having me over.

- I'm so glad...
- I'm so excited. I'm actually, um...

If you wanna draw, we...
I find it very therapeutic. Like...

- if you've had, like, a hard day, uh...
- Oh.

You said you had a long day. We can draw.
I can also draw you if you want.

Um...

- Okay. Um...
- Yeah, it'll be really fun.

Really, it'll be really...
It'll take just a second, you know.

Unless you're excited
to play with my watercolors,

then you're super welcome to,
but I just figure...

Yeah, totally.

Yeah, totally.

Gettin' that hair...
Look at those eyes! Nice.

That's really great.

Oh, hey. Um, yeah, totally.

That... that can totally wait. Okay.

Just throw that... Um, it's fine.
You wanna do sex now? Okay.

Okay, I'm just gonna... There we go.

Wait, let me get...

Okay, let's get...

Yeah, like that. Um...

Okay.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Mm! Okay.

Back then, I was, like, so...

would have just been over the moon
if you were in any way...

- available.
- Really?

- Oh, my gosh, yeah.
- Why?

Because I was so into you.

- Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
- You were?

- No.
- Oh, yeah.

I was into you.

- You were?
- I had an insane crush on you.

- Mm...
- No.

Um...

- Um...
- I'm sorry if I...

- Your hair is all fucked up.
- I... It is? Oh.

Um...

I am...

I don't know... I don't know what just
happened, and I'm gonna go, but...

- I want you to stay, but if you...
- Sip for the road.

- Uh...
- Yeah, but if you...

- No, no, no, no. We...
- If you stay, then I don't know what...

- I think we know. Yeah.
- And I can't.

But thank you.

Thank you. Yeah.

Oh.

Uh...

- Okay.
- This never happened, by the way.

- Okay. No. No.
- Never happened.

- We were hanging out.
- Great seeing you.

Good to see you, too. I'll talk to you.

- Talk to you later.
- Okay.

Phew. I am so sorry.
I just realized what time it is.

It's okay. Um...

Yeah.

That was really sexy, though.
That was awesome.

I had such a good time.

Yeah, it was pretty good.

It's just I didn't... I didn't know
I was gonna be out so late.

Don't forget anything...

in your hurry.

I think I have everything.
I got my phone, wallet, keys.

- I gotta split.
- Totally. I get that. Um...

- Yeah.
- All right.

I can't on a moral level let you do that.

- You are savage.
- I don't think it's ethical.

- Come on, man.
- What do you think about...

See you guys.

- Later, Kyle.
- See ya.

- Nice to meet you, man.
- Get home safe.

- That guy comes to my restaurant a lot.
- Oh.

- That guy?
- Quiche.

- Quiche?
- Quiche.

Hi.-
- Hi.

- How was it?
- It was great.

- They went right to bed.
- They went...

- I know. Camp must have worn them out.
- I think it's, like, worn them out.

Thanks. All right.

- Oh, do you have a car? Did you drive?
- Yeah, I drove.

Here you go.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you so much, Alex.

You're so sweet. They love you so much.

- They got so excited you were coming.
- So cute.

- Do they? That's so sweet.
- Yeah.

How was your night?

- It was great.
- Oh, awesome.

- It was amazing, actually.
- Cool!

- Okay, I'll see you. Bye.
- Okay. Bye.

I'm gonna watch you walk
to your car, okay?

- Hey.
- Hey.

What's up?

What's up? How was your night?

Oh, it was so great.

How was the, uh...

friend hang?

It was good.

- It was a good first friend hang.
- Are you... Yeah?

Are you in the friend zone now?

I guess, yeah.

- Yeah?
- For now.

- That's nice.
- How was Ryan?

Oh, he was so great.

- Yeah?
- He's such a...

- He's just such a sweetheart.
- Any flirting? Any vibes?

Mm...

- Leave it at that.
- Teensy.

Teensy. Teensy vibes.

Can't deny it.

I'm gonna take a shower
before I hit the hay.

Okay.

- Love you.
- I love you.

- Glad you're home.
- Yep.

Me too.