Eastwick (2009–2010): Season 1, Episode 8 - Paint and Pleasure - full transcript

oh, i see
you're a full-fat girl.

your, uh, milk. - Oh. - You're not the
type thatgoes for that

nonfat crap.
- yeah, good eye.

i... (clears throat)
also tend to order

a full rack of beef ribs, should
they happen to be on the menu.

(giggles)
is that your way of hinting
you'd like to do a barbecue

on our second date?
'cause i know a great place.
i-if we go on another date,

it'll technically be
our first date,

because this is a pre-date.
it's a pre-date to determine

if we should go
on an actual date.

those--those were the terms
that we agreed to, remember?
because you're still worried



about how joanna's
gonna react, you think?
oh, no, no. no, no.

joanna and i
have talked this out,

and she is fully supportive
of this idea.

so you're just not sure
if you're attracted to me,

is that it?
uh... n-no, no.

attraction is not
the issue here.

i-i mean,
there is clearly...

so that's good stuff.
(chuckles)

(laughs) well, great.

well, it seems to me
like all systems are go, so...

um... um... oh, oh...
you have to go to the bathroom.

no, i don't.
yes. yes, you do.

i'm a mom of five.
i can tell these things.
but i--

and not going to the bathroom
will definitely be considered



a strike against you
right now, so, so, so...
okay, then.

i'll be, uh,
back in a second.
okay.

(speaks indistinctly)

ray?

hey,
what are you doing here?

um, i-i-i, uh, i just finished
my shift at the hospital,

and i wanted to
get a little coffee...

(chuckling) by myself.
so, hazelnut.

what are you doing here?
got em in the truck.

oh.
she, uh, she needs her cinnamon
bun before soccer practice,

right? she says the, uh,
sugar--it makes her kick better.
mm.

oh, well, you know, she's loving
her coach this year, isn't she?

i'm so glad that you
convinced her to stick it out.
you look good, kat.

thank you. you...
so do you. (chuckling)
(chuckling)

i'd love to come out
and say hi to em.

maybe i could even come
to practice with you,

if you don't mind.
no, i think--
i think she'd love that.

that's great.

oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Eastwick Season 1, Episode 8
"Fizbo"

hello, lady.
hey, what's up?

just thought i'd pop by and say
hi, see how my buddy's doing.

i had no idea
how expensive this stuff is.

i was actually
just gonna call you.

can we get together tonight?
because there's something

i've been wanting to tell you,
but i didn't want to jinx it,

but now i'm like, "screw it."
i can't take it anymore.

i got to spill.
sounds juicy.
spill it now!

oh, no, no. this will
require your full attention

and a big box of wine.
what do you say,

my place tonight, 7:30?
oh, i'm sorry, pen,
i can't.

i've got martini night
with the girls.
oh. oh.

"i'm joanna frankel
and i'm gonna

"ditch my best friend to go have
martinis with roxie and kat,

and i'm gonna pretend like i'm
on 'sex and the city.'" blah!

hey, you wanna join?
yes. yes, i do.

Ever since chad died,
something new has come over me.

my visions have becom,

they're not
disturbing anymore.

they're useful, inspiring,

and i feel like
this stuff is actually good--

like, really good.
it's like i've been possessed

by thehost of
some much better painter.

picass-per
the friendly ghost.

never mind.
i'll have to work on it.

so what exactly are these
visions that keep coming at you?

they're, um...

hey, sorry we're late.
penny had to do some
hello.

fact-checking so clyde
could put a story to bed.

yes, that's newspaper lingo
for finishing up a story,

but i guess
you guys got that.

penny, welcome.
glad you could make it.

thanks. uh, chee.
(all) cheers!

wow, your kitchen--
it's so... so rustic.

thanks.

oh, so, kat...
yes?

spill it. how was
your pre-date with will?
oh.

you are not
gonna believe this.

i can't believe you
really went out with him.

what do you mean?
joanna is cool with it.

i am.
totally cool with it.

but, i mean, it's will.
you love him.

i'm cool with it, i swear.
tell us what happened.

um, well, things...
things were good.

things were good.
(laughs)

until will went to the bathroom,
and i ditched him.

(gasps) no!
what?

yeah.

oh, no, no.
that's crazy tunes.

well, i feel--i feel--
i feel terrible about it.

oh, god, you can't ditch will.
i already stood him up

on our date. the poor guy's
gonna get a complex.

i know! i left him
a long message, apologizing

and explaining to him
what happened. ray came in.

i mean, if he knew that
i was dating other guys,

it would kill him.
so i called will and i told him

that i just wasn't ready to
take things further.

well, you can't
put your life on hold

just to spare
ray's feelings.
i know, but i feel like
i hurt him so badly.

so i want him to be
ready and in a good place

before i start
dating openly.
so date him privately.

no, no, no.
dating privately never works.
why not?

because it's a slippery slope
from dating privately

to getting used asome guy's
secret sex booty call.
(laughs)

what do you mean?
okay, you know y're
getting used if--

"a"--you've never been with him
outside the apartment,

or "b"--you've never
met his friends and family.
well, that's just stupid.

i mean,
what if he has no family

and all of his friends
live out of town?

if he has no friends in town,
he's probably a freak.

okay, wait,
i have more examples.
(scoffs, under breath)
you guys are idiots.

penny.
what? i'm...
(scoffs) so drunk.

i have a new life plan.
it's 2-pronged.

do you guys
want to hear it?
yeah!

prong one--career. i'm getting
proactive about my writing.

i started my blog today.
i got four hits already.

one was me.
one was me.

i went twice.

(sighs)
prong two--dating.

i am through with
tortured relationships

and--and unrequited crushes.

from now on, joanna frankel
is all about the fun.

i'm gonna dance on tables,
i'm gonna let my hair down,

i may even wear my contacts. who
knows? it's gonna be crazy.

that is a sad, yet adorable
plan. i will drink to that.

me, too.
you know, sometimes people
don't tell people that they're

dating other people because
they're trying to be discreet.

it doesn't necessarily
make it some

sordid super secret
sex booty call.

(stammers) okay.

penny, are you okay?
yeah. shuh-huh.
i have to go.

roxie, thank you
for the cheap vodka.

i will talk
to you later, jo.

(man) that's very...

uh, interesting.

we're looking for something
cute, like crabs playing poker.

i'm afraid i don't have
anything like that.
(door opens)

hi there.

(door creaks)

wow!

w-wow, what?
that a good "wow"?

you finally opened up, roxie.
it's naked. it's honest.

it's you.
so it was a good "wow."

indeed.
okay, then. does that mean
you're ready to hook me up

with one of your
powerful and pretentious

new york art connections?
it does not.

you're the one who told me
if i could reach

my creative potential,
you'd have me sipping cappuccino

with a gallery owner
in no time.
and i could, but i won't.

you know what?
i knew you were all talk.

with a gallery owner
in no time.
you went on and on about
and how i need to reach deeper

and free myself and bare
my soul in my art, and i did.

and what do i get
in return? nothing.

i bet you don't even have
any big new york connections.

i bet the only big thing
you've got going

has probably been
surgically enhanced.

what's this?

it's a surprise. open it.

"darryl van horne cordially
invites you to the art event

"of the season, featuring
the promising new artist...

roxie torcoletti"?

you're throwing me a party?
and it will be attended by

not only a veritable bevy
of wealthy collectors,

but also the most important
and powerful gallery owner

in new york city,
and her name is greta noa.

and it will be
your mission to woo her,

because she can
make your career.

okay, i would officially
like to retract my statement

implying you have
a penis implant.

(laughing) duly noted.

you know, i thought
in honor of the occasion,

you might want to wear... this.

(moaning)

what is it?

nothing.
it's beautiful.

"pretty woman" fan?

do you recognize
the necklace, roxie?
maybe.

(gasps) from a vision?

really?

and was i in this vision?

really.

and what were we doing?

i'll guess we'll have to
find out tomorrow night.

hi.
how you doing today?

fine.

listen, i got an invitation
to a party at the lenox mansion.

so?- so, um, i was
thinking about going

and trying out
my super new fun persona,

and i need a consigliere.
you mean a wingman?

nah, that term's so played out.
i'm going vintage--consigliere.

so what do you say?
um, i say, uh,
not a chance in hell,

and why don't you go ask one of
your two new best friends,

who, by the way, are ass faces?
okay, listen.
i'm sorry that it wasn't

so easy breezy with
the girls the other night,

but they're really nice people
if you just give them a chance.

(door closes)
(man coughs)

who's in there?
somebody. i don't know.

(sighs)

was that jamie?
(gasps) are you two...

are you together?

are you making the love
together?
(scoffs)

oh, my god!
that makes total sense.

that's why you
went bonkers last night.

(gasps) you guys are
secret lovers,

that's what you are.
just like the song!

okay, we're not secret lovers.
it is not a booty call.

no one's getting used. it is
merely a private relationship.

but why didn't you tell me?
i tried to tell you,

but you were kind of
preoccupied with your new pals,

and besides, whenever we do hang
out, all we talk about is you.

penny, that's not true.
oh, please!

it's "the joanna show,
costarring penny,"

and you know it.
it's always all about

who you're infatuated with,
what story you're working on,

you getting fired,
your supposed magical powers,

your creepy bond
with roxie and kat.

i mean,
when was the last time

you ever asked me
anything about my life?

exactly. so, no, i'm not
gonna be your wingman

or your consigliere
or whatever you want to call it.

m through
watching you shine.

(scoffs) fine.

good luck with whatever it is
that you're calling that.

it's a private relationship.
sure it is,
secret squirrel.

okay, you can get
your 3-hole punch

from somewhere else
from now on.

ugh!
what was all that about?

she wants me to go
to some stupid party

at the lenox mansion.
the party for roxie?

how did you
know about that?

oh, um, roxie gave me
an invitation.

well, are you,
um, planning on going?

i think so, yeah.

but it's at
the lenox mansion.

darryl van horne is
throwing it.
i'm well aware of that.

you hate him.
but i don't hate roxie.

um, i feel like i should
go and support her.
oh.

okay. well, were you gonna
ask me to go with you?

would you like to go?

yeah. i mean, maybe. i--
do you want me to go?

um... yes.

i would love you to go.

you gonna be okay?

i mean, going to the house
of the man who, like...

(clicks teeth)
your mom? (chuckles)

i guess i'll just
have to deal with that.

why don't you
take my photograph?

i don't think i'm cool enough
to be at this part

me, either.
me, either.

now, what is, uh,
what is this drink?
it's called a van hornie--

uh, champagne, whiskey
and a dash of cayenne pepper.

sounds terrible.

yet tastes delightful.

so, rox,
how do you feel?

(sighs)
i feel... exposed.

all these people staring
at my work, judging it.

not to mention
the fact that i think

i'm gonna have sex
with darryl tonight.

uh, what?
come again?

i had a vision of myself

at this party with darryl
in the hallway,

and we were...
how was he? any good?

like you've never wondered.

(sighs) well, how do you feel
about... this?

half-excited, half-confused,
half-nervous and half-pukey.

that's four halves.
well, i can't do math right now!
i'm too freaked out.

how am i supposed
to concentrate on impressing

the fabulous greta noa, when all
i can think about is darryl's--
what?

my what?

why are you
looking at me like that?
like what? nothing.
i--nothing.

i'm just chillin'...

like bob dylan.
okay.

listen, i'm sorry to
break up your little coven,

but, uh, would you mind
chilling elsewhere?

greta's here.
she's dying to meet you.

(giggling)

don't forget, this is
the most powerful gallerina

in all of new york.
you wanna make the big time,

you gotta wow her. greta noa,
meet roxie torcoletti.

nice necklace.
thank you.

your work is gorgeous.
it's disarming, lyrical, even.

it reminds me
of early frankenthaler.

yeah, i hadn't noticed that,
but i think you're right.

are you a fan?
uh, uh,
i don't know who he is.

she's an abstract
expressionist painter,

influenced by hans hofmann.

right! of course.
ooh...

whoa, look at me.
i-i need another van hornie.

excuse me, brita.
uh, greta.

right,ight.

oh, my god! raymond.
hey.

i didn't know you
were invited to this thing.
uh, i, uh...

i wasn't, actually.
suzy invited me,

as her, uh, her guest.

oh,
it's so nice to meet you.

i've obviously heard
so much about you.

(ray and suzy chuckle)

yeah, this is uncomfortable,
isn't it?

i'm sorry. i figured
you were gonna be here.

i'm sorry. maybe i should've
called you first.oh, no, no, no, no.

please,
that's not necessary.
i told him that, too,

but he was nervous.
you know how he gets.

oh, boy, i do. (chuckles)

um, so have you guys
been together for a while?
not long.

this is our fifth date.

wow, that's.... great.
i'm so happy for you.

because, you know,
i am dating, too. mm-hmm.

in fact... oh, see?
there he is.

see that guy, uh,
taking pictures over there?

(ray) you're with him?
um, w--uh, well, no.

i mean, we're--we're not here
together right now,

but we have gone on a pre-date,
and our next date is gonna be

barbecue because i like ribs.
(chuckles) i like ribs!

you okay?
i'm great. (laughs)
you kids have fun now, okay?

don't worry, mum.

darryl van horne
is gonna die tonight.

hi.

bitchin' party, huh?

yeah, i don't, um,
normally talk to strangers.

i'm normally really shy.

but i've got
this new 2-pronged plan

where i'm trying to have
more fun.

i saw you guys standing
over here and i thought,

hey, they look like fun, so--
wow!

your earlobes are
really stretchy. did that hurt?

okay. (chuckles nervously)

wow. if it isn't the girl
who was too much fun.

i am. i'm having tons of fun.
what are you doing here anyway?

i'm here with jamie. oh! out and about,
no more hiding your joy

from your one and only best friend?
you mean my best friend that only cares aboutherself?

that one?

hello. uh, joanna, rht?

nice to see you
out in public.

(chuckles) well, cheers.

did you get penny
a drink?

oh, no. i'm sorry. i didn't.

um, would you like something,
darling?

uh, sure. white wine.
excuse me.

yeah, he's not
your boyfriend.

he just called me "darling."

maybe you didn't hear
through all the fun

that you're not having.
boyfriends get their ladies
drinks when they're at the bar.

it's the law.
okay. well,
i'm gonna go to the bar

where my boyfriend is,

and you stay here
and just "keep on ragin'."
okay.

okay.

(sultry voice)
hey there, mister.

hi.

wow. that camera looks
so professional.

i don't know much
about photography,

but maybe you could teach me
sometime.

i don't know what
you're doing, but it's weird.

yeah. (chuckles)

i'm not the world's
most seasoned flirter.

why are you trying
to flirt with me

if you don't wanna go out
with me?

because i do wanna go out
with you.
i have a long, rambling message
in my voice mail

that clearly states
otherwise.

you should delete that.
(giggles)

you should delete that
from your voice mail.

you should delete that
from your mind.

let's just pretend
the whole thing didn't happen.
but it did happen.

well, maybe you should pretend
that i'm one of those girls

who can get away with
that kind of kooky behavior.

some girls can. they--
they make scenes in public.

they break up in the rain with
mascara running down their faces

and it's all so dramatic,
and then the next day,

they show up
on the guy's front doorstep

wearing something
vaguely see-through

and plant a big kiss on his face
and all is forgiven.
i don't like those girls.

yeah, me neither,
but you do have to admit,

they have a way of getting
what they want.

let me think about it.

think away! okay?

imagine me in something
see-through if that helps.

not at i even own
see-through clothing,

but i'm not opposed
to shopping.

um, i am also going
to add

a little wiggle
to my walk right now,

so feel free
to check out my ass.

here i go.

does she hate me?
did i blow it?

don't answer that.
i know i blew it.
roxie--

it's mostly your fault,
just so you know.

i'm not great under pressure
just to begin with,

and the whole time
greta waing

about that frankenstein chick--
it's frankenthaler.

i'm thinking about you know what
and i messed up my one chance

to make a great impression
on the person who holds

the keys to my career,
and i feel like an idiot.
what about "you know what"?

it doesn't matter.
the point is

i thought i was ready to take
my art to the next level,

but obviously i am n
all right, roxie, take
a deep breath. listen to me.

(inhales deeply)
you can do this. you--
okay, breathe out.

(exhales deeply)
you are special. it doesn't
matter if you don't know

who frankenthaler is.
it doesn't matter

if you don't know
anything about art.

you don't need to,
'cause you feel it.

it's inside you,
and that can't be taught.

now i want you to go out there
and you show the wld

what i already know.
you really believe in me,
don't you?

i do.
what if i fail?

you won't.

(gasps)

you know, i have to say,
you surprise me.

every time i'm near you,
you keep me off-balance.

and i like it.

ah.

i don't know why i'm so nervous.
i saw this coming.

(inhales deeply)
you saw what coming?

(moans)

ohh.

you really ought to
freak out more often.

wow. i feel better.

me, too.
shall we go to my room?

not now.
i'm finally focused.

i gotta get out there
and kick some ass.

thank you, darryl.

for what, exactly?

for making my dream
come true.

(sarcastically) oh, excellent.
you're here. i'm so relieved.

you look like you could use
a couple of ounces

of liquid courage. yodel?
what?

yodelmeister--
an alcoholic beverage

that aids
in poor decision making.

were you never
a freshman in college?

just give me the shot,
smart-ass.

(sets glass down)
that's good stuff, huh?

not good. it's great.

(sets glass down)

how you like me now?
that was impressive.

you must be even more depressed
than i thought.

now why would i be depressed?
life is good!
is it?

yep! i'm all about the fun
nowadays.

no, you're not.

yes, i am. look at me.
i am the life of this party.

mm...

no, no, no.
just accept it.

you're not fun. you're too much
all up in your head, like me.

you're a tortured soul,
like me.

(scoffs)
i am nothing like you.

i... am awesome.

hmm.

yes, penny and i
are fighting.

yes, my love life
is in the toilet.

yes, you stole my job,
and i am unemployed,

but you wanna know something?
i took those lemons,

and i started a blog,
and it's gonna blow up,

and i'm gonna get a book deal,
and i'm gonna go on "oprah."

and you wanna know
something else?

i am gonna meet a man
tonight.
mm!

and he's gonna be
a really cool man,

and we're gonna hit it off,

and we're gonna have
so much fun. it's gonna rock.
sweet!

sweet! yes! it is sweet!
so if you don't mind,

you're kinda cramping
my style,

and this is my jam.

?/i>

roxanne torcoletti. i believe
i made an ass of myself

if front of you earlier?
not at all.

you have no idea how refreshing
it is to talk to a person

with real vision instead
of those art school pretensions.
actually, i dropped out
of art school.

mm. me, too.

see? we have something
in common.

yeah, i got pregnant,

and it was either tuition
or baby food.

and i woke up one day
and realized i couldn't paint

or sculpt or draw.

basically, my only gift was
i knew good art when i saw it.

so i decided to help the people
who make good art,

find a new way to survive,

and you were one of
those people, roxie torcoletti.

i don't know.

it's like something opened up
in me after his death,

and i have to let it out
and put it on the canvas,

or it's going to consume me.

it's just all this grief
and pain--

i know it sounds morbid,
but it's inspired me.

part of me feels bad
like i'm exploiting him--

us--but part of me feels
like i don't have a choice.

you don't.
it's your art.

you're putting your soul
up on these canvases,

and people will see that.
people will respond to that.

they already have.

that's nice of you to say.

what do you mean,
they already have?
oh, i thought darryl
would have told you.

your show is
officially sold out.

every piece here
has already been bought.
oh... my... god.

and i'm not just being nice,
roxie.

i'm passionate about art,
but i'm also a businesswoman.

i can sell you.
what are you saying?

i'm saying i'd like
to represent you,

bring you to new york,
introduce you around.

oh. um... wow.

congratulations,
roxie torcoletti.

i'm about to make you
a very big star.

(clink)

?/i>

(sighs)

wow. you're a great dancer.

oh, you're pretty.
what's your name?

guy.

that's so weird,
because i was just thinking,

this guy is really cute,
and that's your name. called it!

oh, sorry.
where are you going?
i'm sorry. i'm wiped.

but i thought we were
having so much fun.

oh, don't--don't leave yet.
hey.

you wanna make out?
sorry?

i mean, what i meant is...

you really wanna make out
with me.

oh, god. i really do.

?/i>

and right now you wanna
take me upstrs, stud.

?/i>

hey, how's it going,
superstar?

it's going unbelievable!

greta loves me,
and my show sold out!

oh, my god!
that's amazing!

does that mean i get to go home
and take my shoes off?

because i think
my feet are bleeding.

mmm! go. put on slippers.
i love you.

i have to go find darryl
and thank him for everything.

i'm fancy!
bye!

calm.

aah!

calm.

i know you did this.
ray...

damn you. come on, suzy.

permissum abbas exuro.

i don't normally
do this kind of thing.

neither do i... ever.

(singsong voice) i bet you
say that to all the girls.

no, i promise you i don't.

you probably think
that i'm really slutty,

but i'm not. i'm kinda going
through a tough time right now.

i've actually never slept with
a guy in a bathroom before.

i got to third base
once in a kitchen,

but that was a really unusual
cooking class.

i've--i've never had sex
with a woman.

(laughs) come on. i do not
believe that you are a virgin.

you are way too cute
for that. (laughs)
that's not what i said.

(rapping on door)
um, could you just
give us a minute?

we're a little busy in here!
(man, effeminately) guy!
guy, i know you're in there!

open up now, or i'm coming in!
jean valjean, why is this
happening to me?

oh, my god! what the hell
is going on in here?

uh,
this is a private bathroom.

everett,
i can explain everything.

actually, i don't think i can.

i leave you alone for one second
to talk to an old colleague,

and then i walk in on
"when fairy met sally"?
i'm sorry.
this is your boyfriend?

i'm his husband.
okay,
this is not his fault.

and then i walk in on
"when fairy met sally"?
i hypnotized him with my eyes.
i'm sorry.
tell me another one, sister.

guy, is this your way of
telling me you want a divorce?

no, everett, i love you.
she means nothing to me.
really? 'cause this isn't
the way to show me that.

you're just trng
to get back at me

for what happened
in cancÚn, aren't you?

?/i>

wait, wait. you're not leaving,
are you?

oh, yeah, i'm gonna--
i'm gonna head out.

you were just gonna
leave me here?

no, i'm sorry, darling.
i'm just--i'm knackered,

and i didn't wanna spoil
your fun.
no, no. don't try to distract me
with cute british words.

i'm just--i'm done with being
here tonight. that's it.
then why did you even come
in the first place?

i mean, you hate
darryl van horne more than i do.
(lowered voice)
would you keep your voice down?

i don't want everybody
knowing my business.

jeez,
what's going on with you?

no, the question is,
what's going on with us?

nothing. i thought we were
having a good time.

well, we were. we are, but that
doesn't give you the right

to treat me like ass.
i mean, you can't just pretend

that i don't exist.
i'm not sasquatch.
i didn't come to this town
to look for a relationship.

i came here to do
an important job.

i thought i made that clear,
but if i didn't--
you just did.

i...

(voice breaking) and i hope
this mascara is waterproof.

(both moaning)

you sure know how
to throw a party.

don't i, though?

mmm, i hope you know
how grateful i am.

i'm beginning to get
a sense of it.

no, seriously, darryl,

this is the nicest thing
anybody's ever done for me.

i... i'm blown away,
flabbergasted, overwhelmed.

you know, you might want
to hang on

to a couple
of those adjectives,

'cause we haven't even gotten
to the thing i do best yet.

ohh. that is nice.
get over here.

mmm. you are gonna love
new york.

i already do. mmm.

i have this place
downtown.

it's perfect.
mm-hmm.

it's right near the gallery.

i'll move right in.
no need.

i got you your own
pied-?terre.

(chuckles) even better.
wait. what?
shh.

when?
when what?

when did you get me
a pied-?terre?

what does it matter?

it matters because greta
only met me two hours ago,

and somehow you already managed
to find me a place in the city?
what is the problem, roxie?

you bought all my paintings,
didn't you?

uh-huh.

oh, my god.
i am such a fool!

no, you're not a fool.

and you are a jackass.
i can't believe this.

i'm doing this for you,
roxie.

don't patronize me, darryl.
why the hell not?

i'm a patron. you're an artist.
that's how it works.

you set all this up just
so you could get me in bed.

if you recall,
it was you attacked me.
what if she hated my art?

i knew she wouldn't.
what if she had?
what if she does?

would she still
be representing me?

so what? that's how people
get ahead in the world.

how naive are you? you don't
think knowing people helps?

how do you think
presidents and senators

and football coaches
get their jobs?

connections matter.

honesty and integrity matter,
darryl.

the truth matters.
the truth?! (laughs)

ugh! i can't believe i have
to explain all this to you.

no, you know what? i can
believe it. i just can't believe

i was gullible enough
to think for one minute

that any of this was real.
(sighs)

(sighs)

well, that didn't go well.

no.

hmm. so i guess it's just
going to be the two of us...

i guess so.

Thought you were leaving.

oh, um, well, y-you know,
the--the line

at the valet station
is about a mile long, so i...

so how about that wind,
huh?

i know. weird.

i heard... what raymond
said to you,

and i hope you know
that he's insane.

'cause obviously
you didn't have anything to do

with what happened
back there.

(laughs) i don't know
anything anymore.

my life has been so turned
around the past few months.

i can't figure out what
i'm doing or why i'm doing it

or even if i am doing it.

although at this point,

i'm pretty sure
that i am doing it.

you're losing me.

okay, like with you.

i've been completely
schizo with you.

i thought that
i didn't wanna go out with you

because i didn't wanna
hurt raymond.

i told myself
that he wasn't ready,

and i don't wanna push us
into the next phase

of this divorce too soon.

turns out i'm the one
who's not ready.

what's wrong with that?

well, i'm the one who broke
things off with him.

i should be over this
by now.

you should be over your marriage
of ten years?

i hope not.
but see, the--

just because you're the one
who broke ings off

doesn't mean that you don't
get to mourn the loss, kat.

it's a big deal.
i understand that.

you do?

yeah, which is why i'm cool
with taking things slow.

hmm. how slow?

baby steps.

(voice breaking) i really--
i don't have the energy

to fight with you right now.
i didn't come here to fight.

oh, no. what happened?

nothing.
i don't wanna talk about it.
(door closes)

look, i know that you think

that i've replaced you
with kat and roxie,

but you're still
my best friend.

you're the first person
that i run to

when things go crazy.

i hate fighting with you.
i don't wanna lose you.

i don't know why. i suck.
you don't suck.

no, i do. i'm mean and i'm
judgy, and boys don't like me.

(scoffs) oh, god. are you crazy?
boys love you.

you have a hot british boy
all over your action right now.

you were right.

i'm just
his secret sex girl.

you know, i was kidding myself
to think it could evolve

into anything else.
oh, what do i know
about relationships?

i suck at them. that's why
i've been running around,

trying to be fun, which,
by the way, i'm very bad at.

you weren't that bad.

trust me.

he was just gonna leave me
at the party.

just leave me there,

like he forgot
that i was there,

and then when i yelled at him
about it,

he told me that he didn't want
people knowing his business.

i'm his business.

(voice breaking)
i'm so humiliated.

(sighs) would it
make you feel any better

if i told you i slept
with a gay guy?

little bit!

(chuckles)

i'll tell you my shame story
if you tell me yours.

deal.

(creaks)

(exhales deeply)

why didn't i take you tonight?

you're good.

what the hell?

(sighs)

(exhales deeply)
well, darlin',

it's been a while, but i don't
think we've dropped a step.

we're every bit as good
on dry ld

as we were on that yacht
in the maldives.

(moaning)

mmyou think i'm giving
myself too much credit?