Eastwick (2009–2010): Season 1, Episode 4 - Fleas and Casserole - full transcript

Raymond Gardener gave his kids a perfect day, yet nurse Kat portrays him as a monstrous 'kidnapper' for flawed contact with her and finally accepts Van Horne's offer, predatory divorce lawyer Ivanka. Only afterward Roxie learns that the grimoire, which she stole from Jamie's room to put a pestilent spell on Ray, is not his but the twice orphan's sole maternal heirloom. Reporter Joanne's ex Morgan is in town, because his clueless fiancée Charlene insists to wed him in the picturesque scenery. She ends up in bed with him, thus standing up and loosing true lover Will, only to learn by truth spell Morgan's low true opinion of her.

you do realize,I'm paying
you for a statue,not a suit.

And you realize that cologne is
something you spray on,not bathe in.

ooh,I think you might need
a longer tapa longer tape.

mind if i close these curtains?

Oh,if privacy is what it's
going to take,be my guest.


I thought you might
enjoy some fresh fruit.

An apple a day keeps
the doctor away,right?

What,did I muddle the pression?

that's the expression.

I'm just trying to decide
if I should eat that or not.

Do you not like apples?

Oh,no,I love apples,but
they can be deceptive.

You know,they look all red anjuicy on the
outside,but inside,there could be bruises...

- or poison.
- Why would there be poison?

Well,only if someone were trying to kill me,but
why would someone try and kill little old me,right?

- I have no idea.
- Me,neither.

Shall I take the apple back,then?

I think it's best.

- morgan! - I thought
that was you.- 

It is.And it's you,which is a lot
weirder since I live here and you don'T.

- You don't,right?-
No.Uh,I'm just--

boy,I wish I could stay and chat,but
unfortunately,I'm-- I'm very late... for work.

Not like... "oops,I missed a period late,"
whh would be pretty impossible right now.

Not--not that I'm n-not having a lot of
sex.I definitely am-- just,you know safe sex.

Safer sex.Because we all know
that safe sex is really a myth.

Teen pregnancy m be down,but many studies indicate
that kids are just doing it in the bad place now.

So,anyway,nice to see you,morgan.


ray,it's me... again.

I just wanna know that everyone is okay.

call me back,okay?

call me back,you son of a bitch!


yes,this is kat gardener.

I need to report a kidnapping.

1Episode 04

morgan is here.

Holy crap.Okay,walk with me.

Now,what is ex-fiance
morgan doing in eastwick?

I have no idea,but he was standing outside my
apartment building,and he grabbed my shoulder.

Okay,calm down.Just
w-walk me through it.

I swear,it was like seeing a ghost.

I mean,he looks exactly the same.He has
the same smile,the same crinkly eyes.

Same darkly evil soul,who left
you standing alone at the altar.

I can't believe that
it's been two years.

I mean,I still have nightmares where...

I'm standing at the back of that big
beautiful church in downtown boston,

and I'm wearing my-- my vera chang wedding
dress,and--and I'm puking into this potted plant

because he just teed me to say
that he just couldn't do it.

You wore a vera chang wedding dress?

Couldn't afford vera wang.

That's okay.So you
never heard from himgain?

well,a week later,he drunk e-mailed
me,but it was kind of rambling.

He said that he was sorry,that hdidn't
just break my heart--he also broke his.

And then it was five paragraphs about some episode
of "cheers" he was watching on "nick at nite."

Which episode?

- really?
- No.Sorry.

- So you never wrote back to him?
- No.

I picked myself up,and I burned my vera chang,and I
sent out 300 resumes to every newspaper I could find,

and only one responded--
you know,"eastwick.

" Yeah.It was fate.

You ended up exactly where
you're supposed to be.

You know,you're doing great here.

You finally lost your boston accent.

Remember when you used to
pronounce "park" like... park?

Penny,that man took
six years of my life.

I thought we were soul mates,and
then he pooped on my heart.

And now things with will are finally
starting to happen,and then,boom!

Morgan shows up.I mean,what
the hell does that mean?

It means you finally get to
rub it in his stupid,ugly facE.

You're happy,you have a great life,you have a
great job,you have a great friend named penny,

and tomorrow night,you have a date with an ome
photographer who looks like a nordic sex god.

I mean,karma,baby.

Oh,my god.He sent me flowers.

"Congratulations on your front
page story.Love,darryl van horne.

" Ugh,what a sleazoid.

Of course he loved your story,because it kept the
story about him out of the papers for another day.

Speaking of which,what's
our next move?Huh?

On our darryl van horne expose.My
source--my secret source--

gave me another
name-- dominic savage.

Some guyrom new york.You think
we should do a little digging?

I bet you morgan called my mom.

How else would he
know that I moved here?

sheriff teaser,I don't even know
how long they've been gone for.

I mean,he could've taken them
in the middle of the night.

They could be halfway to mexico by now.

- How--
okay,puppy control!

- Oh,hi,guys!Come on,buddy.
- Come on. Let's go.

Oh,where-- where
have you been?

We got a puppy,mommy!

I'm gonna name him tivo,can I?

where'd you take the kids?

Uh,to breakfast,then we hit the
playground for a little while.

happening,buddy?Everything okay?

Why didn't you answer your phone?I
must have called you at least 20 times!

Uh,yep.Phone was off.sorry,babe.

Don't give me that crap!You
could've at least left me a note!

You could've left me a note.

you know,last night I get up in the middle
of the night to take a leak.She was just gone.

You know what?I should get going.

Okay,thanks.Thanks,sheriff teaser.


Sweetheart,why don't you take everyone
upstairs and go give... tivo a bath,okay?

- Okay.
- All right.Go on.Go on.

You got him?Okay.

"phone was off," my ass!

Yodithat on purpose to scare me.

But I did leave you a note.

It was on the card
that you left out for .

- Yeah.It said,"gollo he."
- Wasn't a long note.

You know,I-I-I don't even
know where that card came from.

Spare me,kat.I've been putting up with
your passive-aggressive crap my whole life.

Cannot sayI was expecting it last night.

- Would you let me explain?
- What's to explain?

You duped me into taking you out on the town
one last time,so you can get your rocks off.

Keep your voice down!The
kids are upstairs!

- Pull your little crazy voodoo crap on
the pool-- I had nothing to do with that!

- I don't even know-- and then you split
in the middle of the night so you cou go off

and you could laugh about
it with your gal pals!

- You know what?
- What,did you talk about how big of a chump I was?


All you wanted was one last ride
on the raymond roller coaster.

All you had to do was ask,I
would've given it to you.

You know what?I am not even gonna try
talking to you when you're like this.

Yeah,how about you just stop
talking?!Stop talking! Period!

You are a lying bitch,kat.

We're over,raymond!

- You understand me?I am done!
- Look at you.

Acting all tough,huh?

Weren't so tough five minutes ago
when you thought I took the kids.

And guess what,kat?I could do it again.

I could do it again,just like that.

Maybe--maybe next time,i
don't come back,huh?

You want a war,raymond?

You just got one.

I don't see why you're taking all
these measurements all of a sudden.

You do realize I'm paying you
for a statue,not for a suit.

All right,I know it's not one of my best
lines,but it's no reason to get sick over it.

It's not that.

What's wrong?


I thought I saw... I-I-I
actually definitely did see,

but it wasn't exactly as I saw it
before,but what are the odds,right?

Okay. If that's code for "have sex
with me,you bull," the answer is yes.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

What is it,roxie?

I think my psychic
visionsare on the fritz.

Oh,I hate when that ppens.

I mean,first I dreamed he had a
scar on his hip,but there's no scar.

Then I dreamed he's stalking me through the window,but
now it just looks like a squirrel in the bushes.

I swear,I must be nuts'cause in my dreams,he's a
creepy murder,but in real life,he's as sweet as pie.

Are we talking about your boyfriend?

Because I would definitelyvote
for "creepy murderer."

Not chad.I'm talking about jamie--
the guy who lives above my shop.

Should I be jealous?

Have you dreamt of him naked?

- I'm being serious.
- So am I.

I feel like I should do
something,I just don't know what.

Or maybe I shouldn't do anything.Maybe I
should just ignore my visions and trust him.

Or maybe I should
apply for a gun permit.

You know,roxie,socrates would say that there's
only one great good-- that is knowledge.

And there's one great
evil-- that is ignorance.

Awesome.I don't get it.

Don't settle for
ignorance.Acquire some knowledge.

Find out everything you can about this
man,and don't wait for a vision to help you.

How am I supposed to do that?

Well,you're his neighbor,aren't you?

Be neighborly.

look at me.

problem with small towns-- you just
keep running into the same people.

Well,good lord!That store was hotter
than a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

Oh,but they did have the
cutest little baby eese wheels.

We have got to get
some.Is that my latte?

Did they have soy?

Uh,I'm sorry.This
is,uh,my fianc charlene.

We're actually getting
married here this weekend.


- Oh,right,sorry.This is...
- joanna frankel.

I went to college with morgan.

oh,w fun!

I haven't hardly met any
of my moo-moo's friends.

He is so private.

So you actually live here?

Well,I just think this
is the sweetest town.

My mama and I--we came here once
when I was just a little girl.

And when we saw that ranch y'all
had,right next to that itty-bitty church,

well,I just knew I had to
get married here one day.

You've got a little poppy seed
stuck in your teeth there,sugar.

- oh,no,charlene.Please don'T...
- got it.

- Good as new.
- Excellent.

I'm late for work,so nice to meet
you,charlene,and congratulations.Bye!

And then he basically implied that
he was gonna kidnap my children.

Honestly,honestly!What judge would
give a lunatic like that custody?

No judge,that's who!

Especially after you fire his ass.

I'm not sure that firing your
husband's ass is the answer here.

Okay,that might not be the final
answer,but it is a damn good place to start.

I want that man to feel pain!

I must admit,it is thrilling toatch
you finally getting angry,kat.

And i love cooking up revenge strategies,but there is a
certain breed of people who plays this game better than others.

- Mafia?
- No. Lawyers.

I believe I gave youthis card before.

Trust me,she is the best.

Uh,darryl,I-I-I just... I can't
afford someone from new york.

She owes me several favors.

- Yeah,still.I just don't
think I could-- I insist.

I don't know what to say.

Please. It's my pleasure.

Are we ready?

how could he be getting married?

Because god hates me.

There is no other explanation for it.

- I would've died. Did you die? I would've died.
- Who died?

- My cow.
- Her aunt.

Well,technically,my aunt's cow.

- she was a farmer.
- yeah.

Hi,will.how--how are
you?Are you doing okay?

I'm doing pretty great,actually.

I have a date with the
mostamazing girl tomorrow night.


- right.
- So,um,I gotta go.

It's my,uh,volunteer night at the
firehouse,but,um,I'llsee you tomorrow night at 7:00.

I'm really excited,joanna.

Yeah. Me,too.

Especially because you don't seem like the
kind of guy who would leave a girlat the altar.

Not that we're... gonna get
married or anything. Obviously.

see ya.

I'm buying you a muzzle.

I have got to postponethis date.I
can't go out with will,in my condition.

I really think it's important that we follow up
on the information that my secret source gave us.

Yeah,sorry.I'm gonna go outside for a
minuteticknd s my head between my legs

because I can feel my muffiming up.


you are cute.

- hey,roxie.
- Hello.

I still cannot believe you
broke into that man's house!

Roxie,you could've been arrested!

Well,darryl told me I should
try and get to know him.

Well,when I wanted to get to know
my neighbors,I baked them cookies.

Look,you're missing the point.

Yes,it was illegal and a total violation of his privacy
and incredibly stupid and dangerous and blah,blah,blah.

Look.I saw this exact symbol
branded into jamie's hip.

Or I thought I did in a dream I had--only in
real life,it wasn't actually there,but it is here.

- How crazy is that?
- Weird.

I've seen this symbol,too...

carved into the door of
eleanor roument's house.

- Who?
- Crazy lady.Lives in the woods.Long story.

I've also seen it.

Bun--in the hospital,she was
drawing it over and over and over.

You know what? You know what?

We live in a town with all kinds
of silly,witchy,touristy bull crap.

This has got to be related somehow.

Nter de brujas it's just another
silly,witchy,touristy,bull-crappy symbol.

You know,jamie did say he's wring a book
on the history witchcraft in eastwick.

Well,then,there you go.

You see?That's why he has this book.

It's an artifact.It's
historical.And you stole it.

It's so cool.It's got all these
spells and recipes and prayers.

Half of it is written in latinor
some kind of ancient celtic language.

It's like different people have
been adding on to it for centuries.

This one says it can create a pox
of redness raw and blisters bubbling.

I wouldn't mind spreading a
pox on someone right about now.

Yeah.What is going on with raymond?

You sounded so pissed
on the phone today.

- She sounded pissed.
- Well,I'm hiring that lawyer.

- no way!
- Get out!

Yep.Darryl's friend from new
york-- she is flying in tomorrow.

Fancy schmancy.

Oh,no,no.I'm not going
for fancy.I'm going for...

in,take-no-prisoners. I am.

done trying to be nice.

Yeah,screw nice!You wanna take him for
all he'sgot.Just grab him by the balls.

Joanna,anything you'd le
to share with the group?

Uh,not really.

Just that my,um,ex-fianc?

showed up today in
town with his new fianc.

Did I tell you guys that
I was left at the altar?

'Cause I was.Yeah,it was awesome.

Honey,I had no idea.

That is terrible.

Yeah,it was,it was.It was super-duper-duper
terrible,and then I buried it all deep,

deep down and suffocated the feelings until I
saw morgan again today and then it was like,poof!


But what about will?I thought
things were going so good with him.


I'm meeting him at the eastwick
inn tomorrow night for a date.

See Joanna,that's fantastic.

Forget about that other guy.Your
life is on a major upswing,right,kat?


You just got a promotion at work,you
had a front-page article in the paper,

and you have an incredibly handsome
guy that's totally into you.

Morgan used to be into me.

he used to leave me these little post-it notes
that said,"I love you" all over the apartment.


It doesn't matter.Don't waste your time
thinking about why or what could have been.

Trust me-- you play with
fire,you're gonna get burned.

I'm done talking about me.

Let's give kat's husband a pox.

I'm in.What do we need?

- I'm gonna need some candles.
- I'm gonna need some more vodka.

I've got both.

come on!

oh,come on!

Where is it?

hello?I'm not spying.I heard noises.

Of course.I'm sorry.

I... I didn't mean
to make such a racket.

come in.

- I have a shop to run downstairs,so...
- I know.

so sorry.

Are you okay?

I'm not,actually.

I-I seem to have lost something
very dear to me-- a scrapbook.

Um...a keepsake from my mother.

I know it sounds ridiculous.

A grown man shouldn't be
attached to sentimental rubbish.

I'm sure your mother
wouldn't think it's rubbish.

Must be important--she
gave it to you.

Um,technically,she left it for me.

Yeah.You see,I
neveractually knew my mother.

I was put up for adoption
while I was still a baby.

And then my adoptive parents were killed
in a car accident when I was 4 years old.

After that,I was shuffled in and
out of foster homes until finally,

I earned myself a scholarship to a
boarding school outside of london.

- I never had a real family.
- I'm so sorry.

It's a rather dickensian
tale,I'm afraid.

Terribly depressg,but
it's why I've come here.

I thought you came to write a book.

I did,but I chose this particular town
because I traced my family roots here.

See,I was born in eastwick.

- So was my mother.
- I had no idea.

Yes,well,it's not the first thing I
like to blurt out when I meet new people,

but now I seem to have lost
my only family heirloom.

I suppose a pity party
might be in order.

maybe it'll turn up.You st al
have lot of boxes left to unpack--

could be in any one of these.

Look,I'm sorry.I-I promise
to keep the noise down.

you must think I'm a terrible neighbor.

Not at all. Trust me.

I know what a terrible
neighbor looks like.

You're gonna be late for work.

raymond,your dog has fleas!Come here.

Thank you for bringing him into the
house without getting him checked first.

The dog is fine,all right?

If you're gonna kick me out of the bedroom,you
might as well at least buy me an alm clock.

Yeah,well,you're gonna have to buy a
lot more stuff when you move out of here.

Alarm clock should be
the least of your concern.

I'm not going anywhere.

I hope that your lawyer
isprepared for tomorrow's meeting.

Don't worry about me.

My lawyer can beat up your lawyer.

saw that on a t-shirt.

Would you,um,make yourself useful and
go fetch me some of that orange juice?

I need to talk to you.

I know that I don'tdeserve it,but I
just really need to explain some things.


Oh,god! I love this place.It's so
beautiful.I've always wanted to come here.


Raymond never took you?

Well,raymond... actually used to work
here... as a busboyback in high school.

And there was an incidentwhere he...
tampered with a customer's bouillabaisse.

He was banned for life.


Radiant,as always.

you must be katarina.


- That dress is perfect.
- Oh,really?

So dowdy.

Almost likea tortured
pilgrim girl. And that hair?

All dry and desperate
for highlights. I love it.

You're the perfect victim.

Um,tha-thank you.

This is kat's rst divorce... So you're
gonna have to walk her through it.

Of course.

Your husband's name is raymond,correct?

Yes,that is correct.

does raymond drink?

Um,sometimes.I mean,he
definitely enjoys his beer.

So he's an alcoholic.Excellent.

- Well,no,no.I wouldn't call him an
alcoholic,but he-- does he have a temper?

- Um... yeah,that would be a fair thing to say.
- Good.

- So he beats you.
- No.What?No

- Threatens you?
- Uh,well,yeah,but not the way you're implying.

Really?You've never felt
thatened by your husband

n-no,I have,but
not in,like,a--

so he's prone to violence,which makes you feel unsafe
and concerned for the well-being of your children.

I didn't--I didn't realize
it was gonna be like this.

All right,kat.Kat,look at me.

Uh... I want you to remember how you felt when
you thought raymond had stolen your children

and his casually cruel suggestion
that he just might do it again.

He is playing with you.

So now the question is,are you going
to let him,or are you gonna fight back?

He used to smoke weed.

I just remember you standing in the kitchen in that
weird homemade apron with yourlittle chef's torch,

screaming,"the curtains are on
fire!The curtains are on fire!"

yeah.I'm a bonehead.

You were adorable.

you wanted to make me c
because it was my favorite.

you may have almost burned down our apartment building,but
charlene's never even tried to microwave me something.

Could you not talk about charlene?

- It makes me feel kinda oogie.
- sorry.

You were the best thing that
ever happened to me,and I blew it.

Yep,it's true.

And now I'm sitting here with you
and you look like a freakin' goddess.

I mean,you literally glow.

And it's not just how beautiful
you are,it's something inside.

And now you just seem
so... confident,so powerful.

Yeah,well,I've been
taking this piloxing class.

It's,like,a combination
of pilates and boxing.

I'm still in love with you,joanna.

you're my soul mate.

No was... until you left me puking and sobbing
in anockoff dress in front of !50 people.

- Why did you do that?
- Because I'm the world's biggest idiot.

Did you know that not a day goes by th i
don't kick myself for what I did to you?

Where?Someplace soft,I hope.

Except now I feel like fate
is giving us another chance.

I mean,the fact that charlene
wanted to get married in eastwick...

and then I see you here?

If that's not a sign,I
don't know what is.

I would be the world's biggest
idiot if I were to buy any of this.

You're right.Don't listen
to me.Listen to your heart.

What does it tell you?

why did you have to come back
the minute I got over you?

Well,you're lucky.'Cause
i never got over you.

would it be wrong to
say thank you for that?

God,you are so beautiful.

I need to ask you something.

Okay. Anything.

look me in the eye. Tell the truth.

Why did you leave me on our wedding day?

I knew I was settling.

You're always so scared of everything,and I just
couldn't imagine a life without adventure,without risks.

Plus,let's face it-- you were
cute,but you were not hot.

And the sex had gotten so tedious,not
to mention the conversation.

"Ooh,I want to be a writer.Why
won't anybody hire me?

" Was i really gonna listen to that
every day for the rest of my life?

I'd rather suck wood.

Also,the fact that one of your
boobs was smaller than the other?

It was traumatizing.

I mean,I never understood why
you didn't get those fixed.

Oh,my god.

Oh... my... god.

Joanna,I'm so sorry.

I di... I have no idea why I said any
of that. I di-- I didn't mean it at all.

I mean,obviously,I was kidding.

I mean,you know me and
my bad sense of humor.

- Yep. Yep.
- So... we're cool?


- okay.if your lawyer's not
coming-- hey,bob's coming,okay?

- You hired bob as your lawyer?
- Who is bob?

Oh,his fishing buddy.

Who also happens to be a lawyer.

He did two semesters at law school!

- That was all the man needed.
- You know what,raymond?

- If you're not gonna take this
thing seriously-- hey,everybody.

Sorry I'm late.

Lost track of time at the bowling alley.

I got a turkeyon the tenth frame.

That's three strikes in a row.

- Hey,kit-kat.-


happened to you?

Yes,I'm assuming whatever you have
going on there isn't contagious.

- he's got fleas.
- It's not fleas,okay?

It's-- it's--it's an allergy
condition,and I'm getting it checked out.

- Oh,please.Raymond,you wouldn't even know the name of our family physician,so...
- interesting.

- Is that so,raymond?
- No.All right?She's full of crap

I see.

So if one of your children got sick
under your supervision,who would you call?

Uh,uh... I would call kat.

So what?She's--she's--
she's a freaking nurse.


This tea is just delicious.

I'm glad you still like it.You know,I happen
to knowfor a fact that's jasmine'syour favorite.

Oh,I don't know about
that,but it tastes like heaven.

And thank you very much for the scones.

You don't have to be so formal with
me,bun.We've been friends for years.

If you say so,lady.

Am I very sick?

You're not sick at all,bun.You had
a very scary thing happen to you.

You lost your memory.

You're gonna be fine,okay?

I'm gonna grab my keys.We'll go.

I-I'm gonna borrow your paper.

Mine didn't come.

What happened?Is everything okay?

My book!You stole my book!

How can that be yours?That book
belonged to jamie's m-- oh,my god.

Tell me the plan again,in case I need
to jump in and be your lieutenant,

just like danny zuko was for kenickie
when they had that raceat thunder road.

Do you think my boobs are weird?

No,they're boob-iful.

And I'm good in bed,right?

I-I have no ea.

He's the one who sucks.

He does the same thing every time--
him on top,me on top,flip-a-roo,done.

It's like the
hokeypokey,emphasis on the pokey.

I stood up the world's nicest,most
handsomest,most awesome guy in the world...

Just to get hokeypokey'd by a
jerk who doesn't even like me.

I mean,what the hell is my problem?

Well,lust makes us do stupid
things,like pay 60 bucks for a brazilian.

- he's here.
- Okay.I'm going in.

Okay,just remember the three things about lying--
keep it quick,keep it simple,keep it specific.

and if that doesn't work,you
could just show him the big boob.


Um,I'm so sorry about last night.

Did you get my message?

- What message?- Yeah,I-I
called you from my cell.

You really didn't t it?

- No,I didn'T.
- You know what?

It was probably becauseI called you from hewitt
road,and my calls always break up on hewitt road.

It probably just didn't go through.

Well,I guess not.

You have to believe me,will.

I believe you.

me make it up to you.

- Can I make you dinner tonight at my place?
- Sounds good.

Uh,I'll be there at 8:00.

Great. I'll be waiting.

Okay.it's noodle,not tuna.

I owe you an apology,jamie.

I haven't been the best neighbor.

You see,one of the perks of growing up in a small town like
eastwicke get to be a little judgmental of city folk like yourself.

I want to apologize for that.

Well,uh,totally unnecessary,but,um,noodles
and apology accepted nonetheless.

Thank you.

- Would you like to join me?
- Sure.

But you might wanto,pero tal vez quieras

Make yourself at home.

here we go.

In europe,it's uncivilized
to enjoy a meal without wine.

I really need to travel more.

So,uh,is this the
book you're working on?

Yeah,it is.

Actually,I've just been working on
a chapter about the lenox mansion.

Fascinating history.

I got some great shots
of it the other day.

So you were there.

But you were photographing the house?

- Pardon?
- Nothing.Never mind.

So have you spent any time
researching your mother yet?

Ah,no,not really.

For some reason,I always seem to
get a bit paralyzed on that point.

It must be overwhelming to think about.

But who knows?You spend enough time here,you
might find your mother is alive and well

and standing next to you right
in line at the supermarket.

You never know.

I'll call you this afternoon
once I put these together.

You did great,at.

Thank you,ivanka.


Hey,did you get some ice cream?

My tummy hurts.

Mrs.Neff said it's stress.

Why are yoressed?

'Cause you hate daddy.

I do not hate daddy.

- Did he tell you that I did?
- No.

Raymon raymond,did youtell
the kids that I hate you?

- Of course not.
- Well,then why would they think that I do?

Well,gee,kat,I wonder.

Raymond,I think we
need to talk about this.

Will I need a lawyer present?

- Please don't do that.
- You know what,kat?

I'm not doing anything.

come on.Let's go.


I'm gonna need to see some
form of identification.

- Uh,it's a homeland
security-- hey.Joanna.

What are you doing here?

Wei thought I'd take you out to dinner.

Uh,don't--don't you havesomeplace to
be right now,like--like your wedding?

What are you talking about?I broke
up with charlene this morning.

You what?oh,boy.

You didn't actually think that I was
gonna stay with her after last night.

It would be wrong to get married to
someone when I'm sleeping with someone else.

Now I may be a lot of
things,but I don't cheat...

except with my soul mate,obviously.

He's got boundaries.

night was a mistake.

Okay?It was a big
mistake for both of us.

How can three times be a mistake?

Boundariesand incredible stamina.

What did you think was gonna happen?

Did you think I was gonna just move back
to boston with you and resume our lives?

I already know that you think that I'm tedious
and bad in bed and not hot enough for you.

- I was kidding.
- No,you weren'T.

You know what?It doesn't matter
what you think about me,morgan.

What matters is what I think about
you,and I think you're a coward.

- So do I.- You're
the one who's afraid.-

You're afraid of commitment,you're afraid of real
intimacy,and that is why you walked out on me...

- and charlene.
- oh,snap!

Because you're afraid of being with
one person for the rest of your life.

You know what?Fine.Forget it.

- Whatever.
- Bye.

Oh,and,uh,by the way,you also have terrible "back-ne,"
a mild case of halitosis,and miniscule man berries.

I happen to be an avid cyclist.

Teeny tiny testes--
we're talking smurf-sized.

- oh,my god.You did it.
- Oh,my god.I did it.

I've never done anything like that
in my entire life.That felt amazing.

It was awesome.

I don't think I'll be coming
over for dinner tonight.

- Oh,no.Will.
- Or ever.

come here.

I shouldn't have left in the
middle of the night like that.

I'm sorry.

I just... I don't get what happened.

- Weere having such a good time.
- I know. I know.

We were. We were... at first.

And then we started fighting,like we always do,and
I realized that nothing had actually changed.

No,that's not true.

Something had
changed-- me,ray.

I'm not the same person that
I was,and I can't go backwards.

So do you not love
me anymore?Is that it?

no,I will always love you,ray.

I just don't love us anymore.

you know?

I fid ivanka.

You did?

Yeah.This divorce esn't have
to get nasty if we don't let it.

You know,I don't want the kids to
suffer any more than they already have.

I was thinking we could try,um,bird
nesting,for a little while at least.

You know,the kids stay here in the house,and
then... you and I each take turns living with them.

That way--that way we don't have
to disrupt their lives too much.

that sounds like a pain in the ass.

Yeah.Yeah.But at least it's
a pain for the right people.

Hey,you can have the first week.

Where you gonna go?Hmm?

I'll figure it out.

And this is my shop.

A-and look--
there's homer perl.

You introduced me to homer perley and
helped me get a great lease on the place.

- Do you remember homer?
- No.I'm tired.

And one of us smells like
broccoli,and I'm pretty sure it's you.

Okay.I'll take you home,bun.

But we're gonna keep doing this
until we get your memory back.


Jamie.His is my friend bun.

Hello,bun.Very nice to meet you.

So I've got some more work to
finish up.I'll see you later.

I know tt boy.

I held him when he was a baby.

I know you did,bun.

I'm gonna help you.I promise.

welcome home,roomie.

sorry I'm late.

Well,you should be.I've
been waiting all night.

Sorry.I think joanna's ready to jump
back into that darryl van horne piece,

so if you have any more information
about that dominic savage guy,

- we need to get it now.
- I do,but that can wait.