Eastsiders (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript
Found the fucking spoons.
It's too late.
The cereal's all limp and miserable.
Do you want to go out to breakfast?
Sure.
There a good breakfast place
we can walk to around here?
This is Silver Lake;
it's like one big,
giant breakfast place.
What were we doing eating cereal anyway?
- That's the old us.
- Yeah, the new us?
We spend, like, our entire
paycheck on eggs and shit.
Speak for yourself.
You're the one with a paycheck.
You're gonna get that
job at that gallery.
And get discovered by Fine Art magazine?
- Is that a thing?
- Probably.
Yeah, they probably
have articles too, right?
Maybe they will accompany
their profile on you,
with a short essay that I have written
about how hot and sexy you are.
Care to share an excerpt with me?
Well, it's a work in progress.
Gotta do more research.
Mmm. No...
You've gotta be kidding me.
Sorry.
- You don't have to answer it.
- I do.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
She hates me.
She doesn't hate you.
Yeah... She said I was shifty.
Years ago.
Also last week.
Neighbor!
Hey, neighbor.
Hey, Kathy.
Hello, Thomas.
So, what are you two
queers up to this morning?
About to get some breakfast.
That sounds really boring.
Oh, yeah? You got a better idea?
Yeah, I do actually.
Brunch!
We're celebrating.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
This doesn't count towards the
case you owe me, by the way.
What case?
Um, I once drank an
entire case of champagne
that Cal was saving.
- It's true...
- In one sitting.
Doesn't surprise me.
It was college, things were crazy.
So, how was your first
night cohabitating?
Wonderfully uneventful.
Oh, yeah? What did you guys do?
We unpacked a few boxes.
Just watched a movie.
God, you guys sound like you're married.
Sorry.
What did you do last night?
I had a huge bukkake.
You should've been there.
You should come to my next bukkake.
I think we're fine.
You don't want to bukkake with me?!
Do you know what that word means?
You are playing right into her hand.
No, actually, you guys,
I actually went on a date last night.
- Oh, yeah?
- Um, this guy, his name's Ian.
He's super cute, he's like
a landscape architect thing,
or something like that.
You know what he told me?
He told me at the end of the date
that he really liked me.
How very "Edge of 17" is that?
Do you like him?
Yeah, but don't tell him that, okay?
I don't want him to think that I'm weak.
Kathy, tell him that you like him.
No, I do not have to tell him anything.
I want to keep him guessing.
Because, you know,
if he finds out about
the real me it's all over.
Oh, Kathy, that's not true.
You guys want to meet him?
Now?
We've got so much
unpacking we have to do.
Perfect. I'm gonna tell him to
bring over a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, and guys, let's order a pizza.
Hey, you must be Cal.
Uh, Thom, actually.
Did you bring whiskey?
Yes, I did.
Hey... you're Cal.
Cal, nice to meet you.
Found it.
You really don't have to do this.
No, I love alphabetizing.
I usually just go by color.
That would drive me crazy.
Don't worry, I got this.
Okay, that's enough for me.
Lightweight.
Oh, yeah, guilty.
Where we hanging this, huh?
I think we should probably
check with Thom about that.
No. We're hanging this
up. Give me a hammer.
- Is she trying to hang things?
- No, no.
- You promise?
- I promise you.
So where are you from, Ian?
Outside Minneapolis.
Apple Valley.
No shit.
Kathy and I went to school in the city.
What'd you guys study?
Photography.
Actressing.
Actressing, huh?
How'd you guys meet?
Well, Kathy actually stumbled
into my dorm room, drunk,
and tried to seduce me.
Cal! I don't actually ever get drunk.
I was talking about the guys, actually.
Oh!
Well, I was doing a
reading at a book store.
And like five people came.
You went to his reading.
No, close.
I was working at the coffee
shop in the book store,
as a latte artist,
which is still the closest I've come
to actually using my degree.
- And you liked his poetry?
- Fiction, please.
- Sorry.
- I did. I did.
I remember thinking
that I kind of knew him,
or something...
and I really wanted him to know me.
So, he gave me a coffee.
It was, like, 9:30 at night
and I knew that if I drank that coffee
I would be up all night, but I did.
And we just...
We just stayed talking
until the bookstore closed.
And Cal did not go home with Thom,
even though he definitely
really, really, really,
wanted to go home with Thom.
But they met for lunch the next day
and they kept talking until
it was time for dinner.
So they went to dinner together.
And then, finally,
after holding out for
less than 24 hours,
Cal did go home with Thom...
and they... held hands.
And they've been basically
holding hands ever since.
Aww.
I've heard this story so many times,
it's basically like I was there.
Well, I was texting
you every 30 minutes.
You were?
Yes, I'm sorry.
- Cal, that sounds awful shifty.
- The shiftiest.
You wanna walk me home?
Speaking of shifty.
Sure.
So when can I see you again?
I don't know, I'm really busy.
I have, like, a ton of auditions.
Well, I had a really great time tonight.
Your friends are nice guys.
Yeah, but Cal is pretty great, right?
I aspire to be that happy, y'know?
Do you wanna, like,
come inside for a drink?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Definitely.
- Okay.
Ian seems nice.
Think it'll work out?
Not a chance.
I thought she was never gonna leave.
I know that's, like,
a saying or whatever,
and I'm sorry, but I'm
serious. I'm serious.
I resigned myself to the fact
that she was gonna spend...
the rest of her life in our apartment.
More than that, until eternity.
And you were still gonna
stick it out with me?
We have a lease.
- Oh, yeah, you're stuck with me.
- For a year.
Well, you're stuck with me.
So there.
I think we can do this.
We can do this, right?
Of course we can do this.
Promise me?
It was just one time.
Just promise me, asshole.
I promise.
I've got a good feeling.
It's too late.
The cereal's all limp and miserable.
Do you want to go out to breakfast?
Sure.
There a good breakfast place
we can walk to around here?
This is Silver Lake;
it's like one big,
giant breakfast place.
What were we doing eating cereal anyway?
- That's the old us.
- Yeah, the new us?
We spend, like, our entire
paycheck on eggs and shit.
Speak for yourself.
You're the one with a paycheck.
You're gonna get that
job at that gallery.
And get discovered by Fine Art magazine?
- Is that a thing?
- Probably.
Yeah, they probably
have articles too, right?
Maybe they will accompany
their profile on you,
with a short essay that I have written
about how hot and sexy you are.
Care to share an excerpt with me?
Well, it's a work in progress.
Gotta do more research.
Mmm. No...
You've gotta be kidding me.
Sorry.
- You don't have to answer it.
- I do.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
She hates me.
She doesn't hate you.
Yeah... She said I was shifty.
Years ago.
Also last week.
Neighbor!
Hey, neighbor.
Hey, Kathy.
Hello, Thomas.
So, what are you two
queers up to this morning?
About to get some breakfast.
That sounds really boring.
Oh, yeah? You got a better idea?
Yeah, I do actually.
Brunch!
We're celebrating.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
This doesn't count towards the
case you owe me, by the way.
What case?
Um, I once drank an
entire case of champagne
that Cal was saving.
- It's true...
- In one sitting.
Doesn't surprise me.
It was college, things were crazy.
So, how was your first
night cohabitating?
Wonderfully uneventful.
Oh, yeah? What did you guys do?
We unpacked a few boxes.
Just watched a movie.
God, you guys sound like you're married.
Sorry.
What did you do last night?
I had a huge bukkake.
You should've been there.
You should come to my next bukkake.
I think we're fine.
You don't want to bukkake with me?!
Do you know what that word means?
You are playing right into her hand.
No, actually, you guys,
I actually went on a date last night.
- Oh, yeah?
- Um, this guy, his name's Ian.
He's super cute, he's like
a landscape architect thing,
or something like that.
You know what he told me?
He told me at the end of the date
that he really liked me.
How very "Edge of 17" is that?
Do you like him?
Yeah, but don't tell him that, okay?
I don't want him to think that I'm weak.
Kathy, tell him that you like him.
No, I do not have to tell him anything.
I want to keep him guessing.
Because, you know,
if he finds out about
the real me it's all over.
Oh, Kathy, that's not true.
You guys want to meet him?
Now?
We've got so much
unpacking we have to do.
Perfect. I'm gonna tell him to
bring over a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, and guys, let's order a pizza.
Hey, you must be Cal.
Uh, Thom, actually.
Did you bring whiskey?
Yes, I did.
Hey... you're Cal.
Cal, nice to meet you.
Found it.
You really don't have to do this.
No, I love alphabetizing.
I usually just go by color.
That would drive me crazy.
Don't worry, I got this.
Okay, that's enough for me.
Lightweight.
Oh, yeah, guilty.
Where we hanging this, huh?
I think we should probably
check with Thom about that.
No. We're hanging this
up. Give me a hammer.
- Is she trying to hang things?
- No, no.
- You promise?
- I promise you.
So where are you from, Ian?
Outside Minneapolis.
Apple Valley.
No shit.
Kathy and I went to school in the city.
What'd you guys study?
Photography.
Actressing.
Actressing, huh?
How'd you guys meet?
Well, Kathy actually stumbled
into my dorm room, drunk,
and tried to seduce me.
Cal! I don't actually ever get drunk.
I was talking about the guys, actually.
Oh!
Well, I was doing a
reading at a book store.
And like five people came.
You went to his reading.
No, close.
I was working at the coffee
shop in the book store,
as a latte artist,
which is still the closest I've come
to actually using my degree.
- And you liked his poetry?
- Fiction, please.
- Sorry.
- I did. I did.
I remember thinking
that I kind of knew him,
or something...
and I really wanted him to know me.
So, he gave me a coffee.
It was, like, 9:30 at night
and I knew that if I drank that coffee
I would be up all night, but I did.
And we just...
We just stayed talking
until the bookstore closed.
And Cal did not go home with Thom,
even though he definitely
really, really, really,
wanted to go home with Thom.
But they met for lunch the next day
and they kept talking until
it was time for dinner.
So they went to dinner together.
And then, finally,
after holding out for
less than 24 hours,
Cal did go home with Thom...
and they... held hands.
And they've been basically
holding hands ever since.
Aww.
I've heard this story so many times,
it's basically like I was there.
Well, I was texting
you every 30 minutes.
You were?
Yes, I'm sorry.
- Cal, that sounds awful shifty.
- The shiftiest.
You wanna walk me home?
Speaking of shifty.
Sure.
So when can I see you again?
I don't know, I'm really busy.
I have, like, a ton of auditions.
Well, I had a really great time tonight.
Your friends are nice guys.
Yeah, but Cal is pretty great, right?
I aspire to be that happy, y'know?
Do you wanna, like,
come inside for a drink?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Definitely.
- Okay.
Ian seems nice.
Think it'll work out?
Not a chance.
I thought she was never gonna leave.
I know that's, like,
a saying or whatever,
and I'm sorry, but I'm
serious. I'm serious.
I resigned myself to the fact
that she was gonna spend...
the rest of her life in our apartment.
More than that, until eternity.
And you were still gonna
stick it out with me?
We have a lease.
- Oh, yeah, you're stuck with me.
- For a year.
Well, you're stuck with me.
So there.
I think we can do this.
We can do this, right?
Of course we can do this.
Promise me?
It was just one time.
Just promise me, asshole.
I promise.
I've got a good feeling.