Eastbound & Down (2009–2013): Season 3, Episode 8 - Chapter 21 - full transcript
Season Three Finale. As Kenny adjusts to the new realities of his life, a twist of fate alters his future with the Mermen.
Whoo!
Hey, beautiful!
Are you talking to me?
No, I'm talking to your friend,
uh, Jon Lovitz over here.
Fuck, yes, I'm talking to you.
What's happening?
Asshole.
Oh, come on, don't call me an asshole.
They sell sunscreen to everybody.
I got a question for
you. And that is...
Why am I so damn hot in here?
Yeah, what you know
about money, girl?
What you know
about money, girl?
We should go.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, ladies, let me just
break it down for you, okay?
Before you make yourselves
look any stupider.
I'm a closing pitcher
for Texas, girl.
And I close in more ways,
than just on the mound.
Well, that's good news,
cause I don't date athletes.
Oh, not yet you don't.
Right? First time
for everything, huh?
Go on. Go, go.
Hey, hey, slow down.
Wait up. Look, hey, uh...
I'm drunk, okay, and I'm, uh...
I was, I was acting like a jerk, and
that's, that's not me. I mean...
I mean, it is me, I'm a baseball player,
but I'm not a dumb jock, and I...
Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that stuff.
I was rely nervous, and...
It's because...
I like you.
Okay?
Oh my God! Shit.
Aw, aw...
Oh, shit, no, no.
Somebody call an ambulance.
What are we gonna do? We
got playoffs, B. Playoffs!
I'm fine...
Hey, you. It's kinda quiet without,
uh, little dude here. Huh?
It's fucking awesome.
Finally shit's back to normal.
I'm once again a single
thick-dick swinging bachelor,
no dumb baggage to
fucking carry me down.
Thank you, Christ, for allowing
all this awesome stuff to happen.
Hey, Kenny, you know,
I was thinking...
If you want, Maria and I
could do some redecorating.
Maybe swap out some of these hot
babes for some new hot babes.
That way when Toby comes back to visit,
he's got some new shit to get baby hard to.
I wouldn't hold
your breath on that.
The kid's gone.
The sooner we accept
that, the better we'll be.
As soon as we get this nursery
changed back into my dojo,
I can get my shit
fucking ripped again.
Okay, aye, aye, Captain.
What the fuck is that?
Fuck.
Holy shit.
It's Spurgen, the hermit crab.
He lives in a fucking bowl?
He must be getting
high as fuck!
Goddamnit. Now I gotta figure out
what to do with this dumb thing.
If I were you, I would smash the
fuck out of that crab with a hammer.
No.
No, no. We...
This is Toby's favorite
pet. He probably misses him.
Maria, feed this fucking crab.
Okay.
- Love you!
- Love you, too.
Seems like you guys
are happy again.
Mmm-hmm, this
is awesome!
Awesome.
Peek-a-boo. Just kidding.
Psyche your mind, it's me.
You wanted to see me?
What do
you want to do?
Offer your franchise star player
a blowjob, slash, hand job...
For saving your stinky ass.
Star player...
That's exactly what I
wanted talk to you about.
You are no longer
the star player of the Mermen.
Come on, man. What the fuck
are you talking about, dude?
After I just saved your
asses at the game...
You don't even play
for the team anymore.
What the fuck are
you talking about?
Because you're
playing for Texas.
What?
You're getting
called up, Kenny.
You gotta be shitting me.
I mean, finally, motherfuckers.
I knew this was gonna happen.
I just can't believe it took these
dudes this long to figure it out.
Jesus Christ.
Their closer got
hit by a truck.
Now that Ivan fucking sucks,
I'm the logical choice. Ha.
I've been wanting to kick your old, worthless
ass off my team for such a long time.
Well, I look forward to never seeing
your wrinkly fucking face again, either.
Fuck you, you
fat, fucking honky.
And fuck you too,
you black dick licker.
You shit's licker!
Fuck you!
Oh, fuck you and your Mama too!
I hope you get AIDS.
Bye, bye, motherfucker!
These vessels follow the same
course as your harmonious arteries.
But they return the blood
into two different systems...
Everybody be cool, this
isn't a school shooting!
It's something
far more fantastic.
Sir?
Sir, yourself.
Where's Andrea?
You can't keep storming into my classrooms.
We're broken up.
What? No, no, no, no.
That breakup wasn't real.
Sure, You betrayed me and my party,
but that breakup was spoken in anger.
And, I'm sorry for
that. It didn't count.
It didn't?
No, this is the
breakup that counts.
You're an asshole.
Easy, let's not
get bitter, okay?
I know a lot of you guys
are looking at me and saying,
"Hey, there's a dude who
is exactly my same age."
Well, truth be told. I'm
a grown-up, real person.
Sure your bodies might be tight.
You might like to have sex in amazing,
cool, intricate positions.
But besides that shit...
all don't have a fucking clue.
The shit y'all are doing. The fucking Facebook
shit, the Internets, the fucking DVDS.
That's all bullshit.
Your shit isn't real.
But from where I'm standing, a full
grown man, who has achieved his dreams.
Yeah, that's right. I'm
going back to the majors.
My shit is about
as real as it gets.
And besides, I can
out-party, out-drink,
and out-fuck,
each of you.
Youth can suck my dick.
So unless you have anything to add.
Then consider this relationship over.
Have a nice life.
I'll never forget you.
And I know you won't forget me.
Cause I popped that cherry.
That's right, I tore it out for all you young guys.
Saying good-bye to
you, is gonna hurt.
I ripped up a lot of fucking awesome
waves on this boogie board.
Basically owned
this goddamn beach.
Adios, friend.
We had a good time
here in Myrtle.
But, now it is time to say
goodbye to your glorious shores.
So crazy that this is the end.
It's not a bad thing, though, Stevie.
Don't be all sad and fucking melancholy. It's...
Maria, you must be pretty
happy though, huh?
Texas has a fucking weather
climate very similar to Mexico...
Except it doesn't stink like
fucking buttholes and donkeys.
Hey, don't think I just didn't catch that
fucking non-verbal loaded exchange, there.
Permission to speak
freely, Kenny?
Permission granted.
You know how you
always say we're like...
Astronauts, or lead guitarists,
and we're not cut out for family.
I said that about
myself, but continue.
Okay, well. I'm just
starting to think like...
Maybe I am one of those pussies
that does like family.
What the hell are
you saying, Stevie?
Kenny, Maria is pregnant.
How can you tell, man?
I mean, she always looks like she's pregnant.
She pissed on one of those sticks.
I held it under her pussy myself. It's legit, man.
Well, what the fuck, dude? We're gonna have
to go and investigate some options, now.
Maybe an abortion clinic, dude.
The last thing we need in Texas, is
another goddamn baby dragging us down.
Did you not learn anything
from our time from Toby?
Kenny. That's what I wanted
to talk to you about...
We're not going
to Texas with you.
We're going to stay here and we're gonna
build a life together, in Myrtle.
Stevie, have you
thought this through?
I mean, you're really
willing to forgo...
All the status that'll come
with being my associate?
Give up your possible
fucking co-starring role,
in the reality series
I'm developing? Huh?
Yes.
What? You're, you're
thinking about it?
I've thought about it.
Kenny, we're staying in Myrtle.
Well, I suppose if you're gonna
do that, you're gonna need this.
What is this?
It's the keys to
the Panty Dropper.
If you're gonna stay in
Myrtle, and become a man,
then you're sure as hell, gonna need
a man's water recreational vehicle.
I don't know
what to say.
I do. Steven
Bernard Janowski.
You are hereby relieved of
your duties as my assistant.
You have served
me well, hombre.
And I give you the right to name your
child after me. Regardless of gender.
Gracias.
For real?
For reals, dog.
Come here, you two.
Come here. Come here.
It's a special moment, guys.
Kenny. I wasn't expecting
to see you again.
Yeah, well, surprise, surprise.
How's it feel to have your mind blown?
I'm moving to Texas. Got
called up to the Majors, so...
Gonna go live a life of being
much richer and famouser.
So you really got called up?
Yup. I put in the hard work,
and did all the shit, and...
I beat this Russian.
And I earned my spot.
Congratulations.
I just stopped by
actually because...
I found something that I think
Toby's probably gonna want.
A marijuana pipe?
Well, technically I use
this pipe to smoke DMT.
But, now it's the
home to Spurgen.
His hermit crab.
It's a pet.
Is it cool if I enter your domicile
to return to him his property?
Come on in.
Hey... What's up,
you little jerk?
l got something for ya.
It's Spurgen. It's your pet
hermit crab. You remember him?
Also wanted to have a man-to-man
talk with you, if that was cool.
Due to some recent events...
I don't think I'm going to be
able to be around you, as...
As much as I have been
in the past few weeks.
I've got an incredible
job opportunity.
That is going to force me to relocate
to a much dryer, more arid climate.
But I hope that you know
that, while I'm gone...
All the wealth that I will acquire.
All the fame, and fortunes...
And all the women
that I will bed.
I will be doing all that stuff,
so that you'll be proud of me.
So that you can be
proud of your dad.
Kenny...
Just wanna thank
you for coming by.
When you left me...
When we were gonna go
to Tampa. It hurt a lot.
And I know when I left
you, it hurt you too.
And I just wanna
say, I'm sorry.
I didn't just come
back for Toby.
I mean, I did, but I also
came back for you, too.
Well, your timing kinda sucks.
I'm getting ready to move to Texas and shit.
Right.
Not gonna really...
Not gonna be around.
I'm gonna go.
See ya, Toby.
Adios, April.
How you doing, Kenny?
Yeah, I'm doing good.
Well, there's no
time for a pep talk.
But, I would like to take a knee
here with you and, say a prayer.
Will you pray with me?
To, to Jesus?
Yes, sir.
Okay, yeah.
Dear Jesus, we come
to you with gratitude...
On this evening, with thanks
for shepherding this man,
Kenny Powers, to a
personal victory.
The fact that we sit here, now,
with you Lord, in this clubhouse.
Is proof that Kenneth
Powers has successfully...
Sucked his dream's dick, Lord.
Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus, for that.
Kenny sucked, and he stroked.
Kenny learned how to breathe
through his nose while doin' it.
Kenny found a free finger
to touch ass along the way.
And that took commitment, Lord.
But, you, and I, and Kenneth know
that there is much more to come.
The finish
line, Jesus.
Hallelujah!
Give him strength of fist
to stay among the stroke.
That you relax his throat, to, to
embrace this bulging opportunity.
Give me strength,
fucking Jesus.
Give him his strength,
Lord Jesus.
Endless strength,
fucking Jesus.
He's gonna bring the
fortified ejaculation.
Mmm!
Tonight, for the first time, in his own
public demonstration in front of you!
And the world, Jesus.
Super chill, Jesus Christ.
It's cum time.
And it's up to you, Kenny.
Spit
or swallow?
You know the answer...
Thank you,
Jesus. Amen.
Fuck yeah,
Jesus. Amen.
Take it down.
Kenny! Kenny!
All right, baby, one's the fucking
fastball, two's the curve ball.
You got it. Let's
do it. Let's go.
Strike!
That was the moment
I realized I had finally achieved...
Everything I worked
so hard for.
Despite the countless obstacles and
adversities I faced along the way.
It was that exact moment, when I
looked into that batter's eyes...
And I saw stone cold,
child-like fear.
For the first time in so many moons,
I felt I was in total control.
I held my own destiny in my hands,
as sure as I held that baseball.
My future, everything, comes
down to one final pitch.
What the fuck? What
the fuck, Kenny?
Where the fuck are you going?
Home, motherfucker.
I'm in a fucking
Cameron Crowe movie!
Whoo!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Whoo! Fuck me!
Whoo, they gonna be pissed.
One of baseball's greats, Kenny Powers,
has perished in a horrific car accident.
A pitching phenomenon
and a controversial figure...
The moments
directly following a comeback,
are hands fucking down
the sweetest part.
When everybody you've ever known, the whole
world in fact, celebrates your success.
Everyone gets some.
The little people who acted as stepping
stones on your path to success...
They can brag to their children
about how they aided you.
Even if it was only in some
stupid, insignificant way.
Even the enemies you've
made along the way...
They have to begrudge the fact that
you've shoved their jealousness,
lack of faith, and spite...
Right back in their
fucking hater faces.
But I imagine it's probably sweetest
for those that truly believed in you.
Those that stood by you
through the good times...
And the not so good times.
Standing by a champion
is a feat unto itself.
I mean, it's not as much work
as actually doing the comeback,
but it still should
count for something.
I hope this inspirational novel story
helps to give you inspiration,
in your attempts to stop being
a regular, normal person.
And to start being
a champion instead.
Dreams and riches do come
true for some people.
Take it from me,
Kenny Powers. I'm out.
The end...of the book.
I cannot find my phone.
I think I left in my purse.
Big Cannons.
What in the fuck?
I'm alive.
I... I can
see that.
The news said...
I know what the news said.
I'm sorry.
I would've been here sooner, but
I had to get my truck back.
Kenny, what is going on?
Your hair is bleached.
I know, it's to conceal
me. Now, just calm down.
Hear what I have to say.
When I came back from Mexico
I made you a promise...
That I would do whatever it
takes, to make this thing work.
And I failed you
on that promise.
I was hypnotized by my vast
fame and my immense power.
My incredible ego had
gotten the better of me.
I used to think that the only
way to live was by winning...
And now I realize that,
sometimes, losing is cool too.
How do you mean?
Well, like, having a family.
I mean, not that having
a family is losing.
I mean, it's winning, kind
of, but you know what...
The bottom line, I want to
be there for you, April.
I want to be there for Toby.
I want to be there for our fucking family.
Kenny, everybody
thinks you're dead.
I know. This was
the only way.
The press would have
never left us alone.
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
You couldn't have just stayed in the majors
and me and Toby could have come with you?
Uh-uh. Just... No,
I don't think that...
I don't think that
would've worked.
I'm pretty sure this is the
right choice for our family.
Come inside, you
son of a bitch.
Hey, beautiful!
Are you talking to me?
No, I'm talking to your friend,
uh, Jon Lovitz over here.
Fuck, yes, I'm talking to you.
What's happening?
Asshole.
Oh, come on, don't call me an asshole.
They sell sunscreen to everybody.
I got a question for
you. And that is...
Why am I so damn hot in here?
Yeah, what you know
about money, girl?
What you know
about money, girl?
We should go.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, ladies, let me just
break it down for you, okay?
Before you make yourselves
look any stupider.
I'm a closing pitcher
for Texas, girl.
And I close in more ways,
than just on the mound.
Well, that's good news,
cause I don't date athletes.
Oh, not yet you don't.
Right? First time
for everything, huh?
Go on. Go, go.
Hey, hey, slow down.
Wait up. Look, hey, uh...
I'm drunk, okay, and I'm, uh...
I was, I was acting like a jerk, and
that's, that's not me. I mean...
I mean, it is me, I'm a baseball player,
but I'm not a dumb jock, and I...
Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that stuff.
I was rely nervous, and...
It's because...
I like you.
Okay?
Oh my God! Shit.
Aw, aw...
Oh, shit, no, no.
Somebody call an ambulance.
What are we gonna do? We
got playoffs, B. Playoffs!
I'm fine...
Hey, you. It's kinda quiet without,
uh, little dude here. Huh?
It's fucking awesome.
Finally shit's back to normal.
I'm once again a single
thick-dick swinging bachelor,
no dumb baggage to
fucking carry me down.
Thank you, Christ, for allowing
all this awesome stuff to happen.
Hey, Kenny, you know,
I was thinking...
If you want, Maria and I
could do some redecorating.
Maybe swap out some of these hot
babes for some new hot babes.
That way when Toby comes back to visit,
he's got some new shit to get baby hard to.
I wouldn't hold
your breath on that.
The kid's gone.
The sooner we accept
that, the better we'll be.
As soon as we get this nursery
changed back into my dojo,
I can get my shit
fucking ripped again.
Okay, aye, aye, Captain.
What the fuck is that?
Fuck.
Holy shit.
It's Spurgen, the hermit crab.
He lives in a fucking bowl?
He must be getting
high as fuck!
Goddamnit. Now I gotta figure out
what to do with this dumb thing.
If I were you, I would smash the
fuck out of that crab with a hammer.
No.
No, no. We...
This is Toby's favorite
pet. He probably misses him.
Maria, feed this fucking crab.
Okay.
- Love you!
- Love you, too.
Seems like you guys
are happy again.
Mmm-hmm, this
is awesome!
Awesome.
Peek-a-boo. Just kidding.
Psyche your mind, it's me.
You wanted to see me?
What do
you want to do?
Offer your franchise star player
a blowjob, slash, hand job...
For saving your stinky ass.
Star player...
That's exactly what I
wanted talk to you about.
You are no longer
the star player of the Mermen.
Come on, man. What the fuck
are you talking about, dude?
After I just saved your
asses at the game...
You don't even play
for the team anymore.
What the fuck are
you talking about?
Because you're
playing for Texas.
What?
You're getting
called up, Kenny.
You gotta be shitting me.
I mean, finally, motherfuckers.
I knew this was gonna happen.
I just can't believe it took these
dudes this long to figure it out.
Jesus Christ.
Their closer got
hit by a truck.
Now that Ivan fucking sucks,
I'm the logical choice. Ha.
I've been wanting to kick your old, worthless
ass off my team for such a long time.
Well, I look forward to never seeing
your wrinkly fucking face again, either.
Fuck you, you
fat, fucking honky.
And fuck you too,
you black dick licker.
You shit's licker!
Fuck you!
Oh, fuck you and your Mama too!
I hope you get AIDS.
Bye, bye, motherfucker!
These vessels follow the same
course as your harmonious arteries.
But they return the blood
into two different systems...
Everybody be cool, this
isn't a school shooting!
It's something
far more fantastic.
Sir?
Sir, yourself.
Where's Andrea?
You can't keep storming into my classrooms.
We're broken up.
What? No, no, no, no.
That breakup wasn't real.
Sure, You betrayed me and my party,
but that breakup was spoken in anger.
And, I'm sorry for
that. It didn't count.
It didn't?
No, this is the
breakup that counts.
You're an asshole.
Easy, let's not
get bitter, okay?
I know a lot of you guys
are looking at me and saying,
"Hey, there's a dude who
is exactly my same age."
Well, truth be told. I'm
a grown-up, real person.
Sure your bodies might be tight.
You might like to have sex in amazing,
cool, intricate positions.
But besides that shit...
all don't have a fucking clue.
The shit y'all are doing. The fucking Facebook
shit, the Internets, the fucking DVDS.
That's all bullshit.
Your shit isn't real.
But from where I'm standing, a full
grown man, who has achieved his dreams.
Yeah, that's right. I'm
going back to the majors.
My shit is about
as real as it gets.
And besides, I can
out-party, out-drink,
and out-fuck,
each of you.
Youth can suck my dick.
So unless you have anything to add.
Then consider this relationship over.
Have a nice life.
I'll never forget you.
And I know you won't forget me.
Cause I popped that cherry.
That's right, I tore it out for all you young guys.
Saying good-bye to
you, is gonna hurt.
I ripped up a lot of fucking awesome
waves on this boogie board.
Basically owned
this goddamn beach.
Adios, friend.
We had a good time
here in Myrtle.
But, now it is time to say
goodbye to your glorious shores.
So crazy that this is the end.
It's not a bad thing, though, Stevie.
Don't be all sad and fucking melancholy. It's...
Maria, you must be pretty
happy though, huh?
Texas has a fucking weather
climate very similar to Mexico...
Except it doesn't stink like
fucking buttholes and donkeys.
Hey, don't think I just didn't catch that
fucking non-verbal loaded exchange, there.
Permission to speak
freely, Kenny?
Permission granted.
You know how you
always say we're like...
Astronauts, or lead guitarists,
and we're not cut out for family.
I said that about
myself, but continue.
Okay, well. I'm just
starting to think like...
Maybe I am one of those pussies
that does like family.
What the hell are
you saying, Stevie?
Kenny, Maria is pregnant.
How can you tell, man?
I mean, she always looks like she's pregnant.
She pissed on one of those sticks.
I held it under her pussy myself. It's legit, man.
Well, what the fuck, dude? We're gonna have
to go and investigate some options, now.
Maybe an abortion clinic, dude.
The last thing we need in Texas, is
another goddamn baby dragging us down.
Did you not learn anything
from our time from Toby?
Kenny. That's what I wanted
to talk to you about...
We're not going
to Texas with you.
We're going to stay here and we're gonna
build a life together, in Myrtle.
Stevie, have you
thought this through?
I mean, you're really
willing to forgo...
All the status that'll come
with being my associate?
Give up your possible
fucking co-starring role,
in the reality series
I'm developing? Huh?
Yes.
What? You're, you're
thinking about it?
I've thought about it.
Kenny, we're staying in Myrtle.
Well, I suppose if you're gonna
do that, you're gonna need this.
What is this?
It's the keys to
the Panty Dropper.
If you're gonna stay in
Myrtle, and become a man,
then you're sure as hell, gonna need
a man's water recreational vehicle.
I don't know
what to say.
I do. Steven
Bernard Janowski.
You are hereby relieved of
your duties as my assistant.
You have served
me well, hombre.
And I give you the right to name your
child after me. Regardless of gender.
Gracias.
For real?
For reals, dog.
Come here, you two.
Come here. Come here.
It's a special moment, guys.
Kenny. I wasn't expecting
to see you again.
Yeah, well, surprise, surprise.
How's it feel to have your mind blown?
I'm moving to Texas. Got
called up to the Majors, so...
Gonna go live a life of being
much richer and famouser.
So you really got called up?
Yup. I put in the hard work,
and did all the shit, and...
I beat this Russian.
And I earned my spot.
Congratulations.
I just stopped by
actually because...
I found something that I think
Toby's probably gonna want.
A marijuana pipe?
Well, technically I use
this pipe to smoke DMT.
But, now it's the
home to Spurgen.
His hermit crab.
It's a pet.
Is it cool if I enter your domicile
to return to him his property?
Come on in.
Hey... What's up,
you little jerk?
l got something for ya.
It's Spurgen. It's your pet
hermit crab. You remember him?
Also wanted to have a man-to-man
talk with you, if that was cool.
Due to some recent events...
I don't think I'm going to be
able to be around you, as...
As much as I have been
in the past few weeks.
I've got an incredible
job opportunity.
That is going to force me to relocate
to a much dryer, more arid climate.
But I hope that you know
that, while I'm gone...
All the wealth that I will acquire.
All the fame, and fortunes...
And all the women
that I will bed.
I will be doing all that stuff,
so that you'll be proud of me.
So that you can be
proud of your dad.
Kenny...
Just wanna thank
you for coming by.
When you left me...
When we were gonna go
to Tampa. It hurt a lot.
And I know when I left
you, it hurt you too.
And I just wanna
say, I'm sorry.
I didn't just come
back for Toby.
I mean, I did, but I also
came back for you, too.
Well, your timing kinda sucks.
I'm getting ready to move to Texas and shit.
Right.
Not gonna really...
Not gonna be around.
I'm gonna go.
See ya, Toby.
Adios, April.
How you doing, Kenny?
Yeah, I'm doing good.
Well, there's no
time for a pep talk.
But, I would like to take a knee
here with you and, say a prayer.
Will you pray with me?
To, to Jesus?
Yes, sir.
Okay, yeah.
Dear Jesus, we come
to you with gratitude...
On this evening, with thanks
for shepherding this man,
Kenny Powers, to a
personal victory.
The fact that we sit here, now,
with you Lord, in this clubhouse.
Is proof that Kenneth
Powers has successfully...
Sucked his dream's dick, Lord.
Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Jesus, for that.
Kenny sucked, and he stroked.
Kenny learned how to breathe
through his nose while doin' it.
Kenny found a free finger
to touch ass along the way.
And that took commitment, Lord.
But, you, and I, and Kenneth know
that there is much more to come.
The finish
line, Jesus.
Hallelujah!
Give him strength of fist
to stay among the stroke.
That you relax his throat, to, to
embrace this bulging opportunity.
Give me strength,
fucking Jesus.
Give him his strength,
Lord Jesus.
Endless strength,
fucking Jesus.
He's gonna bring the
fortified ejaculation.
Mmm!
Tonight, for the first time, in his own
public demonstration in front of you!
And the world, Jesus.
Super chill, Jesus Christ.
It's cum time.
And it's up to you, Kenny.
Spit
or swallow?
You know the answer...
Thank you,
Jesus. Amen.
Fuck yeah,
Jesus. Amen.
Take it down.
Kenny! Kenny!
All right, baby, one's the fucking
fastball, two's the curve ball.
You got it. Let's
do it. Let's go.
Strike!
That was the moment
I realized I had finally achieved...
Everything I worked
so hard for.
Despite the countless obstacles and
adversities I faced along the way.
It was that exact moment, when I
looked into that batter's eyes...
And I saw stone cold,
child-like fear.
For the first time in so many moons,
I felt I was in total control.
I held my own destiny in my hands,
as sure as I held that baseball.
My future, everything, comes
down to one final pitch.
What the fuck? What
the fuck, Kenny?
Where the fuck are you going?
Home, motherfucker.
I'm in a fucking
Cameron Crowe movie!
Whoo!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Whoo! Fuck me!
Whoo, they gonna be pissed.
One of baseball's greats, Kenny Powers,
has perished in a horrific car accident.
A pitching phenomenon
and a controversial figure...
The moments
directly following a comeback,
are hands fucking down
the sweetest part.
When everybody you've ever known, the whole
world in fact, celebrates your success.
Everyone gets some.
The little people who acted as stepping
stones on your path to success...
They can brag to their children
about how they aided you.
Even if it was only in some
stupid, insignificant way.
Even the enemies you've
made along the way...
They have to begrudge the fact that
you've shoved their jealousness,
lack of faith, and spite...
Right back in their
fucking hater faces.
But I imagine it's probably sweetest
for those that truly believed in you.
Those that stood by you
through the good times...
And the not so good times.
Standing by a champion
is a feat unto itself.
I mean, it's not as much work
as actually doing the comeback,
but it still should
count for something.
I hope this inspirational novel story
helps to give you inspiration,
in your attempts to stop being
a regular, normal person.
And to start being
a champion instead.
Dreams and riches do come
true for some people.
Take it from me,
Kenny Powers. I'm out.
The end...of the book.
I cannot find my phone.
I think I left in my purse.
Big Cannons.
What in the fuck?
I'm alive.
I... I can
see that.
The news said...
I know what the news said.
I'm sorry.
I would've been here sooner, but
I had to get my truck back.
Kenny, what is going on?
Your hair is bleached.
I know, it's to conceal
me. Now, just calm down.
Hear what I have to say.
When I came back from Mexico
I made you a promise...
That I would do whatever it
takes, to make this thing work.
And I failed you
on that promise.
I was hypnotized by my vast
fame and my immense power.
My incredible ego had
gotten the better of me.
I used to think that the only
way to live was by winning...
And now I realize that,
sometimes, losing is cool too.
How do you mean?
Well, like, having a family.
I mean, not that having
a family is losing.
I mean, it's winning, kind
of, but you know what...
The bottom line, I want to
be there for you, April.
I want to be there for Toby.
I want to be there for our fucking family.
Kenny, everybody
thinks you're dead.
I know. This was
the only way.
The press would have
never left us alone.
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
You couldn't have just stayed in the majors
and me and Toby could have come with you?
Uh-uh. Just... No,
I don't think that...
I don't think that
would've worked.
I'm pretty sure this is the
right choice for our family.
Come inside, you
son of a bitch.